Ever since I was old enough to read on my own, I’ve been making terrible decisions regarding books and basic time management. I’m normally a fairly organized and responsible person. I file my taxes on time. My library books are never overdue. My homework was never late.
Add books to the mix, though, and suddenly I decide to do things that Future Elyse will seriously regret, hence my founding of The Bad Decisions Book Club.
Here’s a few examples of what it means to belong to this esteemed club:
I have to read four books for work in a week’s timespan, so naturally I ignore all those books and pick up something entirely different instead. Usually this book has been sitting in the dusty corners of my Kindle, a forgotten backlist title I bought on sale, but suddenly I have to read it RIGHT THE FUCK NOW.
Another example would be having my family come over for the holidays which necessitates cleaning and cooking and showering–but sitting down to read instead.
But most often it goes like this:
I decide to start a new book at 11:30 at night, just to read a few pages. At this point I’m in my denial phase of poor reading choices, but Future Elyse is waving at me through the time space continuum, giving me the finger, because she knows how this ends. She’s seen this before. It ends in bitter tears.
By 1:30 a.m. my neck hurts and my eyes are tired, and we’re now deeply into the negotiation phase of things. I will put the book down after this chapter, I can still totally go to work tomorrow if I skip a shower, brush my teeth in the car, wear the pants I had on yesterday and get a venti flat white from Starbucks. We can still make this happen.
Now it’s 3 a.m. and I know Future Elyse is gonna be REALLY MAD. Somewhere in my exhausted brain I’m trying to math but it doesn’t work out. There’s no point in even going to bed now, right? Three hours of sleep is somehow worse than no hours of sleep.
I start planning out how I’m going to survive the next day: I can finish the book, shower, brush my teeth at home like a normal person, and wear new pants. I will mainline espresso and Diet Coke all day, adding in Excedrin as needed.
By noon, I figure the nausea will kick in. That’s why I have Saltines in my desk. I can cancel my two afternoon meetings and if my staff ask me any questions I’ll just say “Sure,” and pray that covers it. If they stare at me I’ll follow it up with, “What do you think you should do?” so it looks like mentoring.
Now it’s 3:30 a.m. and I realize my plan is terrible and why the hell do I even do this, what is wrong with me. I go downstairs and cry into the cat for fifteen minutes which REALLY upsets the cat, quite frankly. Since I’m tired and overly emotional, I turn to my comfort activity–reading.
By 5:00 a.m. I’m contemplating calling into work with diarrhea. No one EVER questions diarrhea.
By 5:30 I’ve resigned myself to the fact that this is not the responsible thing to do.
6:00 a.m.: MOTHER FUCKER.
Inevitably I go to work having finished the book and generally feeling like shit. People do a double take when I walk by and ask if I’m anemic again. I give Past Elyse the finger.
Honestly, though, I know I’ll never learn my lesson and I’ll do it again.
What about you? Are you a member of The Bad Decisions Book Club? What reading choice do you totally (not) regret?
NB: Sarah has Bad Decisions Book Club stickers – the purple circles above with our tent of reading and shame. She’ll be giving out stickers at random to folks who comment until Friday 6 May (void where prohibited, must be over 18, etc etc), so don’t be shy about sharing your Bad Decisions Book Club shame!
NBx2: By request from PamG, there are Bad Decisions Book Club t-shirts to be had! You can choose a chest/pocket logo version or a large logo version.
NBx3! By further request: STICKERS for purchase!
Although I have never stayed up all night to read a book, I have on many occasions felt the sudden need to read a book not on my TBR list or pick up a new book that I have to read NOW. This completely throws off my month. This is made even worse when that sudden must read book turns out to be awful. 🙁
I truly think this needs a spin off website and membership initiation. Also, I’d pay for that sticker . . . While it has been several years since I woke up with a hangover, I am still getting up with raging bookovers. Members all resemble the “It’s 4:00 AM – just 10 more chapters – OMG will I pay for this at work tomorrow” feeling. Love this!
I thought I had resinded my membership when I got married. My husband is a reader but one of those strange types that can put a book down in the middle of a chapter. Then my husband started traveling overnight for work and there I was right back in the club! Calculating how much sleep I could get if I stopped now, what could I wear in the morning that I did not have to iron, what would cover my legs so that I did not have to shave. Even wondering about changing careers so I could wear a hat to work and not even have to shower. I am old enough to know better but like an addict I just need one more fix (chapter).
I am a medical student and I habitually have this issue. Reading at inappropriate times such as a day or two before a test to “calm myself” and “de-stress” rather than studying or taking a five minute study break that turns into an hour or two is my modus operandi. Le sigh. Why can’t medical texts be as engrossing?
I’ve been a card carrying member my whole life.
In the second grade, my parents forbade me from reading because I was reading “too much” and not doing my chores. So I’d lay on the floor at night and read by the light of my nightlight. For some reason my vision also declined sharply that year… Whatever, I look good in glasses.
In the third grade, I discovered a section of the K-3 library that had adult books like Stephen King and John Grisham and was immediately addicted. One day I was returning A Time to Kill (omg, I can’t believe I read that when I was NINE) and the librarian freaked out. Apparently those books were only supposed to be loaned to the teachers, so they basically put up a wanted poster behind the desk saying not to loan these books to me. The library was more of a nook – completely open on one side to a hallway – so I discovered I could enter at the end farthest from the checkout desk, crawl on my hands and knees through the 3 foot shelves to the books I wanted, then crawl back out. It wasn’t stealing because I was returning them – right?! My parents were always asking me why I had rug burns on my knees.
All. the. time. I try to tell myself I am giving myself a bedtime and I will stick with it…but then books. And honestly, ebooks make this even more of a problem. Now I can read in the dark!
That bargaining phase is pretty much where I start things. “If you only read a few chapters, you can still get a good night’s sleep.” *finishes the book at 5am and has to be up at 7* FECK.
This accurately describes every Sunday & Monday night, When I know I have to be at work for 0630 the next day. I never learn from my mistakes and always look like death warmed over in the office.
My house is always a mess because the lure of the Kindle is too great and I have been late for many an event due to ‘just one more chapter’ Syndrome.
At least I know its not just me.
Oh, yes, I decided at 11:30 last night that I had to re-read “Only Enchanting” to prep for “Only Love” coming to my Kindle after midnight tonight. And we know what that means…
The Bad Decision Book Club runs in my family. I learned from my mom, who’d stay up until 4 am reading. I knew I’d found the man I’d marry when he not only tolerated the syndrome, but clearly shared it.
Once, while camping, I read a Tess Gerristen book by headlamp, late late into the night, despite the bulb dying.I kept falling asleep and had to reread the same sentence umpteen times. Yet had you handed me toothpicks to keep those eyelids up, I would’ve used them.
So good to be among kin!
Clearly the BDBC just went viral. Is it a club or do we need a 12-step program. We all just did the “I am Jane, and I’m a BDBC member”, then the reciprocal, “Hello Jane” in unison.
Sign me up. I’m late to the party having just received a Kindle paperwhite for early Mother’s Day, so the self lighted feature is only furthering the bad decision. Previously I wore a headlamp while reading. Sooo attractive. Love the Paperwhite.
Guilty, guilty life-long member. My parents forbade reading after bedtime, so I’d stash books between the mattress and box spring and use the street light shining in the window to read by. You’d think after all these years I’d have learned my lesson…
And now I feel justified because I am not alone. Thank you. I too started young with books hidden in bed reading with a flashlight. My mom used to perform a strip search of the bed and pajamas before turning out the light each night. I now must read at least a chapter to wind down at night you know so I can get some sleep. I of course tell everyone that no, I don’t have a TV in my bedroom. It is really a bad idea to watch TV right before bed, and I use an e-reader so the light really isn’t bad for your eyes, it’s good you see, practically doctor recommended to transition from TV to e-reader to lights out.
Smart Bitches, do you keep any sort of statistics? Is this post the one that received the most replies the fastest?
I am a member of the bad decision book club since I was 8 or 9. I used to stay up reading in the summer time when it was still light out when I went to bed. And Saturday I started reading Undertow by Michael Buckley at around 2 am, which was a bad decision. Good book, though!
Definitely a lifetime member 🙂 The first Bad Decision I can remember is getting caught reading a Babysitter’s Club book under my desk during class in 2nd grade, and I haven’t stopped stopped making Bad Decisions since.
I almost feel like I am missing out by NOT being a late-night or binge reader. 🙂 Have to confess: I have carefully constructed my life to leave myself vast swaths of time for reading, because I NEED to read, but I also NEED to work, and in order to work at a compensable level I NEED to sleep. So there is a lot of %&^! that just doesn’t get done chez moi. I have the whole time-and-motion, housework-minimizing thing down to a science. Anyone who says they would rather do housework than read is not to be trusted, IMO.
That said, when perimenopausal insomnia hits, I know I will read until whenever if I don’t take steps, so I take a sleep aid. The OTC stuff is not enough to actually knock me out, but it’s enough to take the edge off so that I can close the book at a reasonable hour.
My tribe! I’ve finally found my tribe! Another life long member chiming in.
Dear gods, but I’ve too many instances to choose just one. Right now I’m on deadline- having surgery on the 11th that will sideline me for a minimum of 6-8 weeks. More realistically, probably 12.
At this point, I’m so behind on my To Do list, I’ve stopped looking at it. All the rain we’re having isn’t helping either- perfect reading weather.
PS: Anyone know of a reasonably priced service for yard work in Baltimore? Still haven’t lined that up. Nor have I cooked for when I can’t. *sigh*
We definitely need more than t-shirts. I personally would pay for a sticker for my car and a tote bag, and a pillow!
ROFL! Yes, I can SO relate! I have zombie-mommed my way through way too many days after being unable to put down a book I’d picked up just to “take a peek at”… Mmm…
Oh gosh MegS, SO MUCH READING WHILE NURSING. I ripped through all of Robin Hobb’s backlist in about two weeks while nursing. And I kind of regret stopping nursing as early as I did, because it got way harder to read!
This has happened to me so many times that my new rule is that I don’t start a new book right before bed. This is when I re-read. The last time was a Nalini Singh book- TOTALLY worth it!
I did this two nights in a row to read BOUNTY by Kristen Ashley. I stayed up until 1:30 am to read both nights. Housework, schmousework. I was barely functioning enough to get the family fed, dress, and to their modes of transportation. I called it good enough. I did almost zero and took a nap, so I could drive the kids around for activities in the afternoon. Then, I fell into the book again. There’s a reason “Just one more chapter …” is tattooed on my body.
I’ve done this many. many times. I can’t choose one either, but the worst are when I stay up all night reading and am disappointed by the ending or something the hero or heroine does that doesn’t make sense. Then I’ve lost sleep for nothing. And if I take off, I have to whip out my list of excuses (my friend says I am the Master of Excuses) so I can tell him I’m not going in (and he usually doesn’t believe me, even if it’s diaherra (I know I spelled that wrong) or his favorite “I threw up all over the house!” LOL!
FYI, there’s a 15% off code for Zazzle through May 8th. 🙂
I am a member of the Bad Decision Book Club. Those pre-ordered titles that arrive just after midnight from Amazon . . . I’ll just look at the first couple of pages, maybe the first chapter . . . I will not keep reading until 3:30 a.m. . . . I will not keep reading until 4 . . . I will not . . .
You all will be delighted to know that I still do this even though I am 71 years old and don’t have to get up being retired and all. But I no longer have to read with flashlight under the covers. Yea for Kindle.
Quietly panicking here! I’m still in college, people, in my mind by the time I had a job and kids this madness would have gotten better!!!
In fact, I’m making bad decisions RIGHT NOW! I have a test tomorrow and am I studying? Oh no, and you can bet I will only start after I finish my book and have a meltdown!
It is worth it, even if my poor nerves get shot to hell.
Oh! My 10 year old daughter had her initiation a couple weeks ago. Rick Riordan sucked her in. She learned what it was to drag butt. But, she listened to me and went to bed without reading the next night. She was whooped.
@J
Love ya. I really think there should be a subcommittee in the BDBC for anyone whose had the Bad Decision finger pointed at them by someone else who disapproves of their reading. Someone’s judgey bad judgement does not constitute a bad decision on the reader’s part. Even if you were nine. But I love your solution.
A nun cornered me when I was in 7th grade because she caught me reading Whatever Happened to Baby Jane? and warned me that I’d have to watch what I read because I was such a “voracious” reader. Like that’s a bad thing. Fortunately, my mom used to hide dirty books like Forever Amber, Wuthering Heights, and Gone with the Wind under her mattress, so she never said boo about my reading.
Apparently I joined this club when I was four. My grandfather was reading Alice in Wonderland to us and always ended his reading on some exciting note. I had to know what happened next so I taught myself to read. So there’s that I guess. And yes, there were many years followed by the flashlight reading under the covers.
Access to an ereader has only compounded my problem. Now I don’t even have to get out of bed to find the next book in a series. I tell myself that I will just read a little more in Book 2 just until I know how the cliffhanger from Book one is resolved. We all know where that goes.
But the madness does not stop there. Sometimes I find that I don’t have the second book in the series. So I stumble down the stairs to my computer and buy now. But wait there’s more. All of a sudden there are recommendations based on that purchase. And hey, since I loved the hell out of that book, I had better buy all of these books as well. Yes I know that I am no longer making good decisions but it’s freaking four o’clock in the morning and I have left rationality behind a couple hundred pages ago. And then I return to my comfy bed. But do I sleep? No! More reading because that was the whole point of my middle-of-the-night purchasing binge in the first place.
I need, need, need that t-shirt. Not so that my fellow BDC members can recognize a kindred spirit because of course they can. My bleary bloodshot eyes, dark circles, and general crabbiness coupled with a weird smug smirk because hey, I know how that series ends, all tend to reveal my status as a member of the bad decision book club. I need that shirt so that when a non-member questions my lateness or ineptitude, I can simply point to the shirt, rather than fighting through my book-induced fog to string together enough words to form some sort of believable excuse. Or alternatively perhaps we could form Book Addicts Anonymous (or BAA for short) because no matter how tired I am, I could probably manage a BAA!
For a second I had to think about whether or not I had suddenly developed a second personality who might have also written this post. Because those bad decision descriptions match me to a T. I’ve been staying up way too late reading since I was in junior high. I’d hide in the bathroom and hope that my parents wouldn’t catch me. Now I huddle under the covers reading on my phone and thinking how I’m going to regret it if the baby decides to wake up early. And also how I randomly impulse buy that kindle book when I have five books on loan from the library and still read that one first even though it’s the only one NOT on a deadline. #baddecisionbookclubproblems
My list of bad decisions and books is so very, very long, and it is very difficult to be a mom, trying to raise children to make wise decisions, when one is guilty of constantly making silly ones! But oh, it is so very, very hard to put the book down! And I am guilty of even that most disgusting of guilty habits – staying in the bathroom longer than necessary. Every once in a while when I am having a very demanding week in real life or at work, I try to make myself read only non-fiction because then I’ll be less likely to get swept up in a story. But I am pitifully undisciplined: I have audio books going in many places as well as actual books in progress, so when a chapter is particularly good, I stay out longer than I should walking the dog, or if I’m in the car, I might drive a few extra blocks in order to get to the end of a scene . . . .
I usually manage to pull myself back just before the edge when it comes to reading, but there was one instance my junior year of college. I got to school just after 8 for my 9 AM class and opened up the book I was reading. Next thing I knew it was 11:30, my egg sandwich had gone cold, I’d completely missed my poli sci class, and was dangerously late for my psych class. I ended up going home since my third class of the day was cancelled and it didn’t make sense to go to class for 10 minutes. Present Elizabeth is still angry at Past Elizabeth for that one because the poli sci class I missed was about the coolest topic ever: Stalin!
Oh my god, my entire grad school career is basically an extended audition for this club. Stack of articles to read? Exams to grade? Papers to write? No no no. BOOKS!
Also, I’m supposed to be working right now, but am engrossed in these comments. At least I’m alone in the office.
OmFGawd! I usually do this on a Sunday night. And it’s not a new book, nooo I stay up till the wee hours of the night REREADING a book I’ve had for years and read at least 20 Times! My bonehead decision usually results in a late morning arrival to work, headache, grogginess and a jacked up attitude. I am a card carrying member of this club.
Oh yeah, I do this all the time, part of the problem is being a natural night owl, I’ll be yawning like crazy at oh 8pm but if I’m up at 10 I might be still up at 5am, and I just can’t bring myself to go to bed at 10.
One of my big problems is I’ll finish a book at say 1am and then decide to read “just a few pages” of whatever my next book will be and pretty soon it’s all “damn, those robins are loud” and “crap, the chickadees are awake now too.”
Ohh the bad Decision Book Club, have bee a charter member of this club for years! In fact. I know that I literally read through my first year of high school. My teachers somehow never seemed to care until a couple years later when they would mention that I seemed to be a better student now then my first year.
One more page, one more chapter- just one more, then Ill be done I promise.
Unable to fall back to sleep one night, I began reading The Sparrow by Mary Doria Russell. I cried so hard that I had to call in sick to work. I mean, I really had to. I was ashamed of this — I have a career that means a great deal to me.
@anonymous hugs hugs hugs. Yes that book does it to one. Dare I mention there is sequel?