Covers Gone Wild! (Non-Snoop Dogg Edition)

Cover Snark: Traitorous Nipples

Billionaire's Sins by L. Steele. A priest is ripping open his shirt, but the collar is staying put. His chest is very hairy, but that stops right at his nips.

Can you believe it? It’s our first Cover Snark of 2022! From LM Elyse: No Sarah: I have. No words. None. None words. Elyse: I refuse. Maya: Can I just say that kerning hurts my feelings more than the collection of haunted dolls, I mean children. Elyse: It’s book 9, you guys. There are 8 more of these. It’s like a haunted regency mannequin bonanza Claudia: OMG I’m going to have nightmares! Sneezy: NOOOOOOOO!!!! IT … Continue reading Cover Snark: Traitorous Nipples

Cover Snark: Best of 2021

Smart Bitches Best Of 2021 with a stack of tattered books against a sparkly background with the words Thanks for reading with us at the bottom

NB: This week, we’re taking a look back at some of our favorite and our most popular pieces of writing this year. We’ve got a week of best-of posts to share, with reviews, cover snark, and more. We hope you enjoy revisiting our archives, and most of all, we wish you and yours a wonderful holiday and a happy new year – with all the very best of reading. … Say hello to the top … Continue reading Cover Snark: Best of 2021

Cover Snark: Wonderful, Reader-Submitted Snark

Dirty Toe Rag by Toni Aleo. A shirtless man in a sports locker room is holding up a pair of women's legs. The legs have high heels. Who knows if the legs are attached to anything.

Welcome back to Cover Snark! Most of these were sent in by you all, and oh, buddy…they are good. I also want to issue a content warning for discussion of self harm in the first cover in this series. Lara: Is it okay sometimes to not be clever? To look at something and just go, “Ew” Amanda: It is very okay, Lara Lara: I can’t even put my finger on what repulses me. My whole … Continue reading Cover Snark: Wonderful, Reader-Submitted Snark

Cover Snark: Nobody Puts Baby in a Corner

Dragon's Baby by Miranda Martin. A man is shirtless and wearing a harness with a cape. He has a terrible long brown wig and photoshopped horns. He's brandished a crude asking while seemingly floating in front of planet Earth.

We need to start this week with Cover Snark, don’t you think? From Emily: Submitting this for Cover Snark because of that hair. Sarah: How does he keep his hair so shiny and frizz-free in space? Amanda: His baby is his axe Sarah: is it named “Baby?” Amanda: Nobody puts baby in a corner Tara: Did he get that wig and horns set at Party City? Sneezy: Ugh pleh hurk – what the fuck is … Continue reading Cover Snark: Nobody Puts Baby in a Corner

Cover Snark: Nothing Says Romance Like Stirrups

The Doctor's Special Patient by Cybele Enciente. The cover has three stock photos. One is an older blond man with some gray hair. One is a young brunette lying on her stomach and smiling, and the third is a pair of stirrups for an OB/GYN exam. Sexy!

Let’s get ready to Cover Snark! From Kathi: How does he have time to pirate when he spends most of his days at the gym and the rest of the time getting his body hair waxed and head styled?! Sarah: That head was not originally attached to that body. I have doubts about the kilt, too. Sneezy: The S-shape curve of the torso also looks very strange to me. Elyse: Yeah I think that’s kyphosis … Continue reading Cover Snark: Nothing Says Romance Like Stirrups

Cover Snark: Sir, This Is An Arby’s

Carry My Child by Stella Adeyemi. A smiling pregnant Black woman is being menaced by a sour faced man standing behind her.

Grab your coffee, tea, or beverage of choice and let’s get into some Cover Snark. Claudia: Looks like Uncanny Valley has a hockey team. Shana: Android boyfriends need love too, Claudia Catherine: The guy in black looks like he is a hostage. His eyes are seeking help from the viewer. I am concerned for him. Sarah: Worst Olan Mills portrait pose. Amanda: I just picture them insisting the photographer doing the shots on the ice … Continue reading Cover Snark: Sir, This Is An Arby’s

Cover Snark: Tara’s Got Zingers

Illegal Touching by Tawdra Kandle. A shirtless man is crossing his arms. The title font is in red neon, followed by an EKG register and a football helmet in a heart. What.

Welcome back to Cover Snark! From Carole: My immediate impression was that this was a Dental Office stock photo – snort, it did not immediately say: cowboy romance… Sarah: “Ask Dr. Decker about payment plans for your Invisalign!” Susan: Pretty sure that Decker cover wants to sell me life insurance Maya: Or like some poster at a planned parenthood encouraging couples to get std tests Amanda: Or it could be one of those photos that … Continue reading Cover Snark: Tara’s Got Zingers

Cover Snark: Smushed and Veiny

Single Dad Match Mate by Jade Alters. A shirtless man and a smarmy, blonde child stand in the woods. An angry bear roars behind them.

Welcome back to Cover Snark! There are definitely certain elements taking center stage today. From Karen: The Most Eligible Viscount in London by Ella Quinn (it’s a new book). As a whole, the cover is quite nice but I was struck by the very weird thumb on the hero’s hand. It looks like it would be longer than any of the other fingers. I think somebody did a very bad Photoshop and it’s kind of … Continue reading Cover Snark: Smushed and Veiny

Cover Snark: Scream Inside Your Heart

Christmas Miracles in Holly Wreath by Rachel Eliker. A come-to-life Ken doll stands in front of a Christmas tree. His stare is blank and concerning.

It’s another Monday and that means it’s time for another Cover Snark! From Carole: One Nipple headed west, one missing in the east. That is the one of the worst photo-shopped backgrounds – it looks like giant mutant carnation stalks starting to envelop him from the right – and ohh what can the SBTB do with that series title Farm Pleasures?? The mind boggles… Tara: If I never read the phrase “Farm Pleasures” again, it … Continue reading Cover Snark: Scream Inside Your Heart

Cover Snark: Too Smooth

Aspen by T.K. Lucaith. Two very white, nude, and hairless people are kissing atop a lake. Like physically standing on water, with mountains in the background.

Hey! It’s Monday and we think it’s the perfect time for Cover Snark. From Jen: This motorcycle seems to be running over the guy, or maybe it’s a ghost cycle? Amanda: Run him over! He knows what he did! Also, his abs could technically be speed bumps. Sarah: This is some fine vintage Poser art. and I’m reasonably sure from the cover copy that the hero is a motorcycle shifter. Elyse: Is that the Black … Continue reading Cover Snark: Too Smooth

Cover Snark: Tiger & Chad’s First Date

Taken by the Tiger by Milly Taiden. A tiger is leaping and looks like he's about to pounce onto a ripped blond man who is staring at his crotch.

It’s Monday! You deserve some Cover Snark! From Carole: Not sure if someone else caught this one – just sooo bad. Sarah: Also the gentleman delivering gifts needs to (a) CLOTHE the NEWBORNS and (b) possibly put on his own pants. Tara: What was he holding in the original photo? Kiki: if a man gives me twins as a Christmas gift I’m going to be GREATLY displeased. Catherine: He’s going to drop that baby right … Continue reading Cover Snark: Tiger & Chad’s First Date

Cover Snark: Dr. Nips is On Call

The Midas Touch by Rochelle Summers. A shirtless man in scrubs stretches and flexes is biceps in front of a window. A stethoscope is photoshopped around his neck.

Welcome back to Cover Snark, where everyone’s favorite shirtless doctor has made a return! Tara: His wang is the ghost? Or it’s named Ghost? Lara: He’s just flexing… right? I mean he isn’t straining with his hands on his nethers? RIGHT?! Carrie: Whatever he’s doing he’s much more interested in his own penis then he is likely to be about me. Tara: Carrie, tell the truth. How long have you been waiting for someone that’s … Continue reading Cover Snark: Dr. Nips is On Call

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