Welcome back to Cover Snark!
From PamG: Is her top tattooed on? Are his tattoos decals?
Amanda: That wolf is about to eat that bird for sure and the motorcycle feels like a hidden eye image.
Sarah: I made that same face when I attended a bralette like that with similar, endowments and was just as disappointed.
From Emily Jane Buehler: This one has it all. My favorite part is that the “alien” is depicted as a real-life human with a cartoon tentacle. It’s actually quite jolly!
Sarah: I am that cat, looking at that cover, while the cat looks back at me, and we share equal levels of horror.
Tara: What’s that Coco Chanel line about taking one thing off? I think this cover should consider removing at least two things.
Elyse: That cat did not consent.
Sarah: Is his tentacle emerging from his foot?
Elyse: Call Sarah McLachlan.
From Heather S: Currently wondering if Brie Larson worked as a romance cover model in her pre-fame days.
Sarah: Wow, that does look a lot like Brie Larson, with a filter of Jennifer Aniston maybe?
I used to hunt used bookstores for the Sweet Dreams romance with Courteney Cox on the cover.
It’s like the most perfect amount of 80s.
Popped collar AND pastel sweater AND a blazer? I wish I had been that cool.
Amanda: For me, she’s a mix of Brie Larson and Jenna Fischer.
From Liz: Can’t stop laughing about this one. You know that thing that little kids do when they’re trying to make fart sounds with their hands?
Amanda: Perfect snark from Liz. 10/10. No notes!
Sarah: He hopes you were impressed with his fart sounds.
The last guy looks like he’s thinking “I know A SHORTCUT for the road to us! I totally do not need to ask for directions! HAH!”
In the metrics of Romancelandia’s eligible bachelor corps, why bother marrying a Manhattan _millionaire_? That’ll barely get you a table at Le Relais de Venise L’Entrecôte these days.
If only the Ryan cover designer had bumped the title up and to the left, just a smidgen, they’d have a bull’s-eye.
Is that a Jonas Brother who wants tentacles for Christmas??
The poor cat is wondering how he ended up in creepy boy’s dating profile picture. He is silently signaling “Do not swipe, just call the ASPCA.”
The designer of Finding the Road to Us deserves a special award for managing to achieve a crowded and mismatched effect even while using only two and a half fonts.
But that poor cat!
I read the title on the first one as “Kiss My Jazz,” which makes about as much sense as the actual one.
And I’ll bet someone on this site can come up with a pattern to match her crocheted bra.
That cat does NOT want tentacles. Like at all.
I see someone asking if it’s a Jonas brother that wants tentacles for Christmas, and while I can see some Nick in there, I was actually getting more Scott Foley (Noel from Felicity, showing my age) around the eyes. The shape of them, at least (Foley has extremely blue eyes).
I still swear that’s Brie Larson. If not her, an identical twin.
I think we are all that cat on Cover Snark days. Can we make him/her the Cover Snark mascot?
Also, I was distracted from tattoos that may be decals, or bras, by the strange wolf/motorcycle centaur on the cover of Kiss My Sass. Who seems equally distracted by the raven (fun fact: Ravens are sometimes called “wolf birds” because when they see wolves moving in hunting formation, they will follow them, hoping for carrion leftovers). I think a story about those two would be fun.
That cat is rightfully concerned because of the mistletoe above them.
Did the poor kraken consented to what is obviously an AI appropriation of its image? Evil monsters have publicity rights too! And that includes the implicit right not to be associated with a cat.
In addition to being concerned for the cat, I notice that the upper left corner of that book has a pink octopus-shape with the words, “Tinsel & Tentacles”, implying that this book doesn’t say all there is to say on the subject of cephalopod yuletides. Frankly, that scares me more than any number of wolf shifters.
Kiss My Sass–I saw a mermaid before I realized it was a wolf.
Tentacles–let that cat go, man.
The Last Word–I knew girls who dressed that way in high school. For real.
KISS MY SASS: The way the wolf and bird form an arc is very satisfying to me (but not enough to make it a good cover).
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS TENTACLES: “Tinsel & Tentacles” is a delightfully bonkers series name but would make a horrid Xmas tree.
MARRYING THE MANHATTAN MILLIONAIRE: She has cunningly chosen the heights of the building and the millionaire to ensure that his head pokes into the carcinogenic smog while she remains safe to inherit his millions. (Maybe this is a retro story set when millions were worth more? Or maybe love of alliteration conquers all.)
THE LAST WORD: The last word in fashion!
FINDING THE ROAD TO US: I thought he was trying to do the “villain rubs their hand together” thing, but fart noises is obviously the correct answer!