727. RT Rewind: March 2009 Reviews

[intro]

Sarah Wendell: Hello there! Welcome to episode number 727 of Smart Podcast, Trashy Books. I’m Sarah Wendell, and Amanda is with me. We are back in the time machine, heading to March 2009 to check out the new books reviewed in Romantic Times magazine. This month we’ve got hot dog shrines, alpha heroines, PT Cruisers, allegories for the siege of Leningrad, and whore’s dust. We’ve also got new books in the magazine that are still bangers today across many genres, alongside some books that we’re going to leave in 2009 right after we talk about them in this episode. We’ve got big yikes, folks, biiig yikes.

You can find all of the books and links to things that we talk about at smartbitchestrashybooks.com/podcast under episode 727, or you can find us on YouTube at Smart Podcast Trashy Books, where there is a video of the two of us talking our way through this incredible pile of books. 

I have a compliment this week, which is my favorite part of the intro.

To Allison W.: If you were a room, you would have excellent natural lighting, the pillows and throws would be ample and welcoming, and everything in it would make people want to hang out with you for hours.

If you would like a compliment of your very own, have a look at patreon.com/SmartBitches. Our Patreon community is full of some of the loveliest humans, and your support means that every episode has a transcript from garlicknitter. Hey, garlicknitter! [Hi, everybody! – gk] It means that I procure new issues of Romantic Times like the one we’re discussing today, and of course you have a wonderful Discord filled with all of these wonderful people. It would be lovely to have you join us: patreon.com/SmartBitches. And if Patreon support is not in the cards, may I ask that you please leave a review for the show wherever you listen. It is truly one of the best tools for discoverability.

All right, are you ready to go back to March 2009? We’ve got some yikes; we’ve got some bangers. Let’s go: on with the podcast.

[music]

Sarah: So we are here to discuss the reviews from March 2009, and the ads and features as well. There are some really big books in this issue!

Amanda: Oh yeah. I think we, we call out a few, even if we don’t talk about the review?

Sarah: Yeah. There’s books we’re like –

Amanda: I’m always like, Oh, look at this book! This person.

Sarah: You have a new cabinet, and there’s a hot dog in it.

Amanda: Yeah, it’s my little hot dog shrine.

Sarah: You have a hot dog shrine.

Amanda: It’s a hot dog mirror.

Sarah: Yeah?

Amanda: There’s a little guy, a little potato who’s dressed like a hot dog.

Sarah: Right?

Amanda: One next to it is dressed like a can of Coke.

Sarah: Okay?

Amanda: And then you can’t see them ‘cause they’re so tiny, but Brian, Brian made me sit through their Prime Day computer parts haul?

Sarah: Oh! Oh my, are they, are they building a computer?

Amanda: Yeah, they just upgraded their computer, and I jokingly was like, You never buy me anything.

Sarah: Oh no, that’s fightin’ words!

Amanda: And then they bought, they found these little teeny-tiny Lego hot dog and pickle online? They’re so small.

Sarah: That is so cute?

Amanda: So they’re also in the –

Sarah: They’re in there.

Amanda: – the hot dog shrine.

Sarah: So the goal here is pickle.

Amanda: Pickle, hot dog.

Sarah: Pickle, hot dog, fries?

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: Or just pickles and hot dogs?

Amanda: I’m, I love a hot dog. Hot dogs – it’s so funny that since I’ve announced the pregnancy, I’ve had several people be like, What percent of this baby is going to be hot dog? And I’m like –

Sarah: That’s a fair question. I mean, it’s going to be at least thirty to forty percent hot dog with a serious percentage of nacho?

Amanda: I was like, A hundred percent maximum dog is what I’m going for.

Sarah: [Laughs] Maximum dog!

Amanda: But yeah, there’s just, like, a bunch of little hot dog figurines and hot dog things?

Sarah: Yes.

Amanda: There’s a 3D printed frog that Brian printed in our 3D printer? So –

Sarah: That’s so cute.

Amanda: Yeah. Yes, this is a recent addition. It’s a win.

Sarah: So let us get started with this issue! There are so many books that I want to talk about. I am really excited to record this episode.

Amanda: Yes.

Sarah: This is going to be a fun one. As usual, we start with brief discussion of the cover. On the cover, we have Robin Schone’s Cry for Passion. Revisit the 19th century men’s and women’s club and unleash the passion. I’ve got to say, I loved the sex club era of romance.

Amanda: [Laughs] There was, I remember, this is around, I think like a similar time period I started reading, was it Cherise Sinclair’s Club Shadowlands?

Sarah: Yeess!

Amanda: And it was about a sex club in Tampa.

Sarah: As you do! I mean, you know there’s at least three.

Amanda: But, like, this was the period of time where it’s like, are, like, how prevalent are – [laughs] -sex clubs? Because romance makes them seem like there’s one on every fucking street corner.

Sarah: Every third house has a sex dungeon.

Amanda: 7-Eleven, sex club, 7-Eleven, sex club.

Sarah: Pink Poodle, sex club. Yes.

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: So we’re going to talk about this cover at length in the ads and features, but it’s kind of a hot cover. It’s actually a really good cover, too, because it’s got the book cover as the main centerpiece, and so the colors of the cover, which are very magenta, are reinforced in the whole cover design.

Amanda: Yeah, it’s also, like, hot pink.

Sarah: It’s a hot pink. It’s a good cover.

So starting with Historical – I noticed the rubric is different. So there’s three levels: Scorcher, Hot, and Mild.

Amanda: No Sensual. Sensual is –

Sarah: No Sensual!

Amanda: It’s out.

Sarah: I don’t know when this changed. This is the first I’m noticing it. It could have been in other issues and I just didn’t notice ‘cause I’m so used to the rubric being so garbage, but this is, this is kind of fun. Four and a half stars Gold: Phenomenal, in a class by itself. Sort of like giving an A to a book. Four and a half stars: Fantastic, keeper. Four stars: Compelling, page-turner. I don’t see a lot of difference between those two, but – or those three – but okay. Three stars: Enjoyable, a pleasant read. That is what I would say about a book that’s like a B minus, C. Like, these were some words; it was perfectly adequate. It’s not going to set my hair on fire. Two stars: Problematic, may struggle to finish. Now, y’all know how I feel about the word problematic, but okay.

Amanda: [Sighs]

Sarah: And number one, one –

Amanda: It’s like, also, why are you struggling to finish it? Is it bad?

Sarah: May struggle to finish. It has problems.

Amanda: Slow?

Sarah: I don’t know. I would have said has problems more than problematic, but whatever.

Amanda: [Laughs] Don’t we all?

Sarah: One star: Severely flawed; pass on this one. That’s a harsh one.

Amanda: I don’t think there were any ones?

Sarah: Nope.

Amanda: If there were –

Sarah: I was looking!

Amanda: Yeah! Mm-mm.

Sarah: I didn’t see any. It was a real big bummer. But I think that the rubric is very interesting, given that, as usual, is it all three and a half to four stars? Yes.

Amanda: Yeah, yes, yeah.

Sarah: Yes, it is. Of course it is.

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: So let us begin. Where are we starting in Historical? Where are you going?

Amanda: I’m on page 57. But you mentioned there’s, like, a lot of well-known authors and books in this issue. And in this section, I think there’s book five in the Gardella Chronicles? Which we’ve talked about before, where it’s like the, Buffy the Vampire Hunter, but historical?

Amanda: Colleen, Colleen something, right?

Amanda: Yeah, Colleen Gleason.

Sarah: Colleen Gleason! Yes, she now writes the, Agatha Christie and her housekeeper solve murders series.

Amanda: Is that the same Colleen?

Sarah: Yeah, that, I think that’s Colleen Gleason.

Amanda: But that was in here, ‘cause I, I think I read the first two books and liked them. But in my head I always call them the Gardetto Chronicles?

Sarah: [Laughs] Gardetto!

Amanda: Like in Chex Mix? [Laughs] But, so I picked, on 57 of the PDF, Revealed by Kate Noble. Something –

Sarah: I love Kate Noble. I love her books!

Amanda: Something I discovered while reading some of these reviews is, I’ll read the review and the summary, and then I’ll be slightly interested, and then I’ll go to Goodreads and check it out there. And I’ll read a review on Goodreads that further sells the book. So I think this happens like two or three times, where I found –

Sarah: Oh yes.

Amanda: – a Goodreads review that I’m like, hell yeah! If you need an extra push, read this review because it, like, helped me decide whether or not to, like, add it to my Goodreads account. So.

 I picked Revealed by Kate Noble, four stars, Hot, setting is Regency England.

>> Blending the elegance of society gatherings with the dark underworld of espionage, a la Amanda Quick, Noble crafts an exciting, witty, and highly entertaining tale about an unlikely duo aught in a killer’s web.

Something else I’ve noticed: in a few of these reviews, they make comparisons to other well-known writers. I think this also happens a little earlier in this section.

Sarah: They definitely do.

Amanda: Yeah, which is something I haven’t noticed before of, like, them sort of name-dropping other authors of, like, Oh, if you like this, then you might like this one. So I just, heads up; I thought that was good.

The summary, so the summary is sort of, like, what got me:

>> The instant Lady Phillippa Benning lands atop Marcus Worth in a sarcophagus in the spy master’s library, they are fated to become allies in a game of spy and seek. Every woman in London dreams of the infamous Blue Raven, spy extraordinaire, but only Phillippa can reveal his identity. And unless he allows her to help him hunt down his nemesis, the Frenchman Laurent, she will.

So I’m getting, like, she’s essentially blackmailing him.

>> This is just the adventure Phillippa has been seeking, and Marcus is the only man whose kiss makes her toes curl. At first, Marcus thinks Phillippa is a silly, marriage-hunting frippery of a female, but he changes his mind when she becomes his ideal partner and lover.

Sarah: Sold!

Amanda: So I go to Goodreads, tippy tap, and I find this review by a user named willaful, who talks about, like, Regency spy plots can be pretty exhausting, but she took a chance. And they mentioned:

>> Revealed also happens to be a sex reversal of one of my favorite tropes, the alpha hero who falls in love against his will, especially with a rather ordinary heroine. As the undisputed queen of London society, widowed Phillippa Benning is carrying out a perfectly reasonable campaign to ens-, ensnare the Marquis of Broughton – rich, titled, gorgeous, and wanted by her archrival Lady Jane Cummings. He’s obviously the perfect man for her. But she keeps being distracted by Marcus Worth, an overly tall, lanky, glasses-wearing, ordinary Mister, whose large warm hands seem to be a perfect fit with hers.

>> Philippa is definitely the alpha here. Powerful, the leader of her sphere, and – although naturally she keeps these facts hidden – extremely intelligent and competent. Like most romance alphas, she has a painful secret, although she’s far too practical to spend a lot of time brooding on it. And like most alphas, she’s essentially very lonely, perhaps even more than most, since societal expectations demand that she keep most of her true nature hidden.

And I’m like, Sold!

Sarah: Check! Sold!

Amanda: Right?!

Sarah: I’ll meet you at the checkout counter. I’m in.

Amanda: Yeah. So I’m like, alpha heroine –

Sarah: Yes.

Amanda: – sort of, like, ordinary hero who’s –

Sarah: Yes.

Amanda: – a spy? Love it.

Sarah: Kate Noble is so talented, and I wish she was still writing romance. She wrote The Lizzie Bennett Diaries web series and then wrote the novel. And then also wrote, do you remember the reboot of The Librarians television show? She wrote that. And that first season was excellent. Like, the first season of The Librarians had a wonderful conclusion where everything that had happened prior to that? And it’s a very sort of cheesy, like you expect it to be kind of lower-budget special effects. Like, this is not a multi-billion dollar enterprise, but the writing makes it really, really good, and also the actors are very good. She’s so talented. I wish she was still writing romance, although I understand why not. The industry is in a shamble.

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: Although I can’t imagine TV is much better. Either way, I loved, I loved her books. I loved her books. I don’t even know if I’ve read this one. Maybe I need to read it.

Amanda: Yeah, it’s like, did you read this one?

Sarah: I think I’m, I can’t remember if I’ve read it? I think I might need to read it.

Amanda: Yeah, doesn’t it sound great?

Sarah: Yes! Oh, she’s so good.

I also want to tell people, Colleen Gleason writes as Colleen Cambridge. She writes the Phyllida Bright mysteries; those are the ones where she’s Agatha Christie’s housekeeper in 1930s England. And then there’s the American in Paris mystery series, which I think is playing on Julia Child? So Colleen Hoover – not Colleen Hoover; that’s a different Colleen – Colleen Gleason and Colleen Cambridge are the same author. She’s very talented.

I picked, on page 51, The Club by Sharon Page. This is an issue that has a lot of authors that I think were foundational in introducing erotic, especially erotic historical, to mainstream publishers and mainstream romance audiences? Like, moving them out of indie pub and small presses and having larger presses take on these styles of books. And there were a lot of sex clubs, and this one is called The Club.

Amanda: Yeah. [Laughs]

Sarah: By, by Sharon Page, four and a half stars, Scorcher. Excuse me, I beg your pardon. It is a four and a half star TP.

Amanda: Mmm!

Sarah: So here’s the summary:

>> When her best friend Delphina goes missing, Lady Sherringham, Jane St. Giles, decides to investigate the matter by rushing into the one place in London no gent-, gently bred lady should enter, a secret gentleman’s club where the games are anything but refined. The members play out erotic and often cruel fantasies, sometimes with their unwilling wives –

Ew!

>> – and Jane is trapped in a whirl of sensuality she is unprepared to view.

So she saw some butts and she saw some dicks, and it was just too much.

>> Fortunately, the man she’s procured for the night is on a mission of his own. Delphina’s brother Christian Sutcliffe, Lord Wickham, is also there searching for his sister, and he claims Jane to protect her from the reckless, lecherous lords. As their investigation heats up, so does their charade, turning their search into a passionate affair that leads from one erotic encounter to another. 

So in order to solve this mystery, they have to bone.

Amanda: Yeah!

Sarah: That’s what happens at a sex club.

Amanda: Isn’t that how you solve every mys-, every mystery?

Sarah: I mean, don’t you solve every mystery with some –

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: – repeated boning in a sex club? So again, this is a four and a half star Top Pick.

>> Reader, be deliciously warned: you’ll need a fan or asbestos gloves to keep cool while devouring Page’s heated tale. Not only is the sexual tension powerful and the many love scenes hotter than hot with BDSM, the mystery and growing romance will keep you riveted too.

Oooh! I, I really did love sex club era of romance.

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: I really did! I just thought it was like, oh yeah, let’s put a bunch of people in a room; we’re all going to have sex. I’m –

Amanda: There’s still a smattering of sex clubs still –

Sarah: Yes.

Amanda: – these days, but not as –

Sarah: Yeah.

Amanda: – not as much.

Sarah: Not as much. And this was also, because this is 2009,this is still in an era where only a small amount of people are talking about some of the structural, cultural, social, and racial problems with historical romance and haven’t begun really deconstructing how misogynist a lot of the tropes are and how misogynist a lot of the settings can be, especially where – who was it that said this? I, okay, this just flew out of my head. I’m, I’m, I’m so mad at myself ‘cause I know I just read this, and I can’t remember where, but, like, so-and-so Lord McSweatybottom has to go do a grand tour and become a, a, a great lover and have lots and lots of sex because he has to be a highly sexed man. But damn it, he’s marrying a seventeen-year-old virgin, and you’re not going to stop him. Like, that’s, that’s really fucked up. So we hadn’t really begun to deconstruct that, and sex clubs were one of the ways in which it was kind of like, Oh, blah, ew! Okay. So the –

Amanda: I feel like we saw that comment in an RT.

Sarah: I think you’re right. You know what? I think it’s in the, in the RT; you’re right. I think that’s in a letter to the editor. Thank you for jogging my memory. We’ll probably encounter it –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – in this book. My brain is a fun place to be, people.

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: I don’t know what you’re, what you’re thinking here.

On to Mainstream Fiction.

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: What did you pick?

Amanda: So I picked Fairy Tale Blues by Tina Welling, and it’s on PDF page 66.

Sarah: I was hoping you’d pick this one.

Amanda: [Laughs] I’m always, like, tempted by the lower scoring ones ‘cause –

Sarah: Always! I’m like, Okay, what did you actually give a low grade to, and what do you say?

Amanda: I’m like that Marie Kondo GIF of like, I love mess? So –

Sarah: Yes!

Amanda: – yeah.

Sarah: I too love mess. I just want to say Threads is giving me mess this week. It is a never- – ah! – it is a never-ending –

Amanda: Chef’s kisses for all the mess.

Sarah: – it is a fire hose, Threads is a fire hose of mess and absolutely no nuance.

Amanda: Very high grade mess this week.

Sarah: My goodness. Anyway.

Amanda: [Laughs]

>> Like the little novel that could, Welling’s latest keeps chugging along. Unfort- –

Sarah: Oh, ouch!

Amanda: I know.

>> Unfortunately, it takes on too much and rolls over itself, to the detriment of its characters and its plot. In addition, the premise, a woman in her middle years, suddenly leaves her husband to find herself, is saturating the market. Welling’s tale fails to distinguish itself from the others. Characterizations are strong, but the novel itself is disappointing.

I feel like, yeah, we had a, a string of Eat Pray Love sort of books, both in memoir and fiction, for a little bit.

Sarah: And now we have women whose whole lives explode because of some man and then getting laid off from her job or getting fired or whatever. It, it, it’s not she’s leaving; it’s that she’s given no choice but to start over. Yeah.

Amanda: The summary is fine. It doesn’t say a lot, but:

>> Annie’s husband is caring and loves her, but he’s fallen into the trap of middle age and becomes complacent. When he unthinkingly gives her the same gift for their anniversary as he did for Valentine’s Day –

Sarah: Oh!

Amanda: >> – Annie realizes just how absent from the marriage he is. She leaves their celebration and catches a flight to Florida for a marriage sabbatical. Queue up for animal adoptions, flirtations with former drug dealers –

Sarah: Uh-oh.

Amanda: >> – a cast of crazy middle-aged college students, and many other adventures.

That’s it!

Sarah: Okay, I didn’t know marriage sabbatical was a thing?

Amanda: Yeah!

Sarah: But also –

Amanda: Separation, if you will?

Sarah: – if your, if your husband has fallen into such levels of complacency that he’s putting no thought into things that matter for you, I mean, you can bail!

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – but you could also, like, talk to them.

Amanda: Be like, Hey, you gave me this five months ago.

Sarah: Is, what is this? Yeah, I get it. It’s like, that? Okay. Mm-hmm! All right.

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: I chose, on page 63, Single Husbands by HoneyB. This is, given the, I guess that’s a genre tag, African-American? So we’ve moved on from multicultural.

Amanda: They love to do that, don’t they?

Sarah: They do. So the, just so you know, this is African-American. This one has Black people in it.

Amanda: We don’t want you to be tricked by picking up this book and not real-, realizing there are Black people in it.

Sarah: And this is also the time, and slightly earlier than this as well, where bookstores, including Borders, were putting the Black romance in the African-American literature section and not in the romance section? And I have heard from authors who have gone to some of the romance bookstores that there are some romance bookstores that are putting all of the Black romance and Black romance authors in one section as well. And in one case, they’re upstairs from the rest of the store. That was a very interesting conversation. So –

Amanda: I think we’ve had discussions, or this was a discussion in indie bookstores for a while too of, like, what do you do with queer romances? Do you separate them out, or do you incorporate them into the section?

Sarah: Mm-hmm.

Amanda: And I think the appropriate answer is just put them in the section. Like –

Sarah: Mm-hmm.

Amanda: – othering them in their own section is not a good look in general.

Sarah: I think right now romance readers are so informed that they kind of know what they’re looking for when they go in? But also, part of the job of the bookseller, especially in an indie store, is to be like, Oh, you want queer romance? Let me show you these authors – boom, boom, boom. Or you do a table and mix them in, like, whatever?

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: But I agree: I don’t, I don’t think separating them out helps in any way, long-term. I think it helps short term for like one customer. Although if you are a bookseller and you disagree and you have other opinions, I would love to hear them, because this is not, this is not my business. Like, literally, this is not the business that I am in.

Amanda: [Laughs] Not like, This is not my business, but this is literally not my business.

Sarah: But like this is, this is not a business I am in, so I am uninformed in this regard.

So I chose Single Husbands by HoneyB, four and a half stars. So this is the summary:

>> Herschel, Lexington, and Brian are friends who have at least one thing in common: a voracious appetite for sexual escapades with women other than their wives. Herschel’s wife rakes in millions, something neither can overlook. Half of a respected power couple, Brian cherishes his wife and basks in their lovemaking, as he does with all of the other women he’s with. Lexington is married, but he awaits something better.

Ugh.

>> When confronted with the truth, each wife must decide if love, family, and public appearance, revenge, or money will determine how they deal with their husbands, who refuse to give up the freedom of being single.

Amanda: I don’t like this.

Sarah: And the summary is:

>> Mary B. Morrison, writing as HoneyB, truly has her own style, the ultimate feast of passion, lust, love, and irony. In this adults-only tale, HoneyB clearly establishes that adults are free to live by their own rules about sexuality and relationships. Whether readers are turned on or disgusted by the antics of the single husband, this book sizzles with tension and twists that entertain, flabbergast, and magnetize.

Magnetize?

>> The author’s mastery of this genre remains electrifying. 

So I have two questions. Number one, is this romance?

Amanda: Well, we’re in, we’re in Mainstream Fiction.

Sarah: We’re in Mainstream Fiction.

Amanda: Anything goes.

Sarah: Anything goes, so fair. But also, it’s very interesting to me that the, the, the mention of the wives seems to indicate that they do not consent to this behavior on the, on the part of their husbands? And I’m like, that’s a major problem here!

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: I’m curious about this book, but I’m also curious how RT readers responded to this book. But I don’t see anything in future issues.

Amanda: Yeah. That’s a big oof for me.

Sarah: Yeah, I, I really struggle with He’s cheating; can this be repaired? And my first thought is, Well, no! Not – no! No? Not for me.

Amanda: What did Goodreads say?

Sarah: Oh, that’s a good question. Let’s ask.

Amanda: It’s got a 4.29.

Sarah: Hell yes, HoneyB! That’s fantastic!

Amanda: But the top review is Why, why, why?

Sarah: [Laughs]

Amanda: Why do I keep on doing this to myself? So, you know.

Sarah: The cover is really something else, too. There are three black men. Two of them are bald. One of them has his shirt mostly unbuttoned and tucked in, and I just want to say I appreciate that. One of them is wearing a purple tie to match the first guy’s purple shirt. And the third guy has long, I think it looks – that’s a, it’s a small image. I think those are long braids?

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: And a gray suit. And they are just looking at a pair of legs. There’s just a pair of legs off to the side.

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: This, there’s another one-star review.

>> This book was missing a solid storyline. Basically, it was chapter after chapter of people having sex. I suffered through the book because I paid twenty-two dollars for it.

That was my impression too! Is this just a book where people have a lot of sex, and then at the end the wives and the husbands have to decide what to do, if things are going to change or not?

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: But also, all of the five-star reviews are like, This book is crazy entertaining and is so fun, and you should read it.

Moving on to Teen Scene. Have I mentioned out loud that I think the name of this section is really dumb?

Amanda: You might have!

Sarah: I’m going to just say it again. The name Teen Scene is just a dumb. So I picked, on page 69 –

Amanda: Nice.

Sarah: – mostly so I could say this out loud [in a Valley Girl accent]: You Are So Undead to Me by Stacey Jay. Four stars! I’ll read the review and then I’ll read the summary, ‘cause the summary is just off the wall and I love it.

>> Jay takes what could be a predictable plot and makes it super entertaining! Megan is smart, believably so, and the story is quick and engaging. Watch out for this fun new series.

So, meaningless word salad, check one.

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: So here’s the summary:

>> All Megan wants to do is go to Homecoming and make the cheerleading squad, a dream she’s been preparing for forever. Too bad she’s plagued by another type of dream, the kind where a zombie attacks her. Things get complicated quick when Megan’s zombie-settling powers begin returning, mean girl Morgan keeps messing with her, and the suddenly very adorable Ethan resurfaces.

Like from underground? Like he was dead? Like, how do you mean resurface?

>> Megan has a lot more to worry about than getting to Homecoming.

This just –

Amanda: What are zombie-settling powers?

Sarah: This just –

Amanda: What does that mean?

Sarah: – tickled me so much. Her z-, what is – I don’t know! What is zombie-settling powers? And also –

Amanda: Maybe she can, like, calm the zombies? She’s like a ThunderShirt, but for zombies?

Sarah: [Laughs] Yes, that’s got to be it.

Amanda: That’s my guess.

Sarah: So when you, when you were in high school, when you weren’t throwing parties where people wrestled in pudding –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – did you want to go to Homecoming and make the cheerleading squad? Like, did you see high school as like a pinnacle event in your life? ‘Cause I kind of saw it as – and I read a lot of Sweet Valley High. I was pretty sure that high school was going to be a dance every month, and, you know, everyone would be super cool.

Amanda: Hmm.

Sarah: And that was, A, that was not the case, and B, Homecoming – dances were never that fun. They were kind of sweaty and smelly.

Amanda: Yeah. I was on the Homecoming court –

Sarah: Oooh!

Amanda: – and we got to be in a little parade.

Sarah: I didn’t know that!

Amanda: I think we rented a convertible PT Cruiser? I think?

Sarah: [Gasps] Oh my, blast from – I’m just, I’m –

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: You know what? I just want to see what that looks like!

Amanda: I think it was a convertible PT Cruiser. With my friend Kyle, who was also on the Homecoming court.

But I don’t know. I was in a weird spot because I moved to a very rural town in North Florida when I was like thirteen years old? And it was like a joint middle school/high school, and a lot of these kids had known each other since like kindergarten. It is a very small town and very insular.

Sarah: Mm-hmm.

Amanda: So I think people who grew up there probably had visions of, like, prom and Homecoming court. But as someone who moved from south Florida to north Florida –

Sarah: [Laughs]

Amanda: – and was plopped into this sort of, like, community and was, like, a Goth kid, my trajectory was very different? Yeah! So I would say no.

Sarah: Mm-hmm.

Amanda: I was definitely popular enough to be voted on the Homecoming court, though I did not win, which was not a surprise. But yeah, I feel like my early days were, like, fighting for my life in there – [laughs] – and just, like, establishing my dominance early on so people would –

Sarah: Wouldn’t fuck with you?

Amanda: – [laughs] – leave me alone!

Sarah: Well, also you’re really, really smart, and I’m sure that’s very intimidating.

Amanda: Yeah, probably.

Sarah: Yeah.

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: So you did not pick a book in this, in the Teen Scene.

Amanda: No! So a lot of these books, I think the You Are So Undead to Me might be the only one that has some kind of, like, paranormal element, but all of these I think are contemporary –

Sarah: Mm-hmm.

Amanda: – that deal with a lot of, like, you know, teen issues. One mentions, like, disordered eating, stuff like that. Which was not, like, when I was reading books, I rarely read contemporary teen books? And I thought this was interesting, because this reads to me as, like, the era of, like, Sarah Dessen, if anyone was familiar?

Sarah: Yeaahh, I did love Sarah Dessen. Yes, this was, this was very contemporary heavy.

Amanda: But this is 2009, and this feels like the calm before the YA dystopian storm?

Sarah: Yes.

Amanda: Which kicked off in like the 2010s. So we’re, like, edging right up to it. And Sarah’s comment of, like, what is it, chick lit is women’s fiction in a bad economy? Is that what you call it?

Sarah: No, chick lit, New Adult –

Amanda: New Adult –

Sarah: – is chick lit in a bad economy. It is the same genre convention, only instead of profit and money and shopping and –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – excess income and financial stability, it is grief and darkness and poverty and struggle. So it’s, it’s the same tropes in a bad economy. That’s my –

Amanda: So I would love –

Sarah: I stand by that.

Amanda: – and I don’t know if there are any think pieces that exist – to, I would love to, like, dig into the genre trend of how we go from contemporary teen fiction –

Sarah: Mm-hmm.

Amanda: – that really, like, is focused on the, the everyday problems –

Sarah: Homecoming!

Amanda: – of a teenager – yeah!

Sarah: Cheerleading squad! Yeah.

Amanda: – to just sudden the glut of –

Sarah: [Laughs]

Amanda: – you are the only one who can save this dystopian society that has been, you know, like class warfare and fascism –

Sarah: [Laughs] The world has ended! Yeah.

Amanda: – and, you know, whatever. I would love to see, like, what, why the switch? Like, you know, what was going on in the world? [Laughs]

Sarah: Yeah. That’s a really good question, actually. I wonder!

Amanda: Yeah, ‘cause I was, like, really surprised. I was like, I think The Hunger Games came out around 2009, maybe a little earlier? But I think Divergent was maybe like 2011, 2012? So we’re, like, getting right up there, and I’m very curious how we go from –

Sarah: You’re right, Hunger Games was –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – September 2008.

Amanda: – mm – how we go from this to, like, YA dystopian everywhere?

Sarah: So I am asking Google, What are the major YA dystopian books? And this person is tracing it back to Lois Lowry’s 1993 novel The Giver –

Amanda: No, wrong!

Sarah: – which was, which, which is a foundational dystopia, but it’s not the same dystopia. Then the next –

Amanda: …kick off the trend. Like, it’s a foundational text –

Sarah: Yeah.

Amanda: – but it, it –

Sarah: So M. T. Anderson’s Feed in 2002; Scott Westerfeld’s Uglies, 2005; Hunger Games in 2008; and Divergent in 2011. So we, at this issue in March 2009, we are right at the cusp of dystopia being everything. And then from dystopia, we move to fantasy, and then from fantasy, we move to rrromantasy.

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: I mean, they’re, they’re big jumps, but yeah, there’s a through line.

Speaking of fantasy, shall we move on to Sci-Fi and Fantasy?

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: Which are totally the same thing. (I’m only saying that to make the people listening groan at me, ‘cause I know that they do. I’m just kidding.)

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: Now, before I, I talk about my pick, I want to mention to you the book New Blood by Gail Dayton, which is on page 71. I read her book The Compass Rose, which is a fantasy with a superpowered heroine in a poly-, ends up in a polyamorous family, multi-partner marriage?

Amanda: You mentioned that in the notes.

Sarah: Yep.

Amanda: I added it to my Goodreads, so.

Sarah: So you did look at New Blood and think, hmm! ‘Cause this seems –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – like your jam.

Amanda: Added this. I will say, cover: awful. Hate this cover.

Sarah: Oh, it’s dreadful! It’s like a –

Amanda: Terrible.

Sarah: – creepy doll with blood all over her dress. It, it looks like a –

Amanda: But you, the doll doesn’t, you can’t even the hair, so it’s –

Sarah: No.

Amanda: – just like a waxy face.

Sarah: It’s a, it looks like a doll, and nothing about a doll says blood servants and blood sorceresses and, and sexy times. Like, it’s, the cover art? The, the, the, what’s that called? The type treatment is very cool. The art, not so much.

So what did you pick?

Amanda: So I also want to mention that –

Sarah: Oh, please do!

Amanda: – the, a standalone novel from Anne Bishop’s Black Jewel series is in here? Loved the Black Jewel series by Anne Bishop. I think I’ve only read the first two books? I never finished. I should probably finish. They have new romantasy-esque covers, everyone.

Sarah: They sure do!

Amanda: Sorry to report. But yeah, I just get, like, excited when I see a book or, like, a series that’s like, oh, I read that!

Sarah: Yes!

Amanda: So I picked Palimpsest by Catherynne Valente?

Sarah: I’m so impressed that you can say that out loud. That is a word –

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: – that is a word that just trips out of my head every time. Just…yeah, not happening.

Amanda: Here’s the thing: I have read many a Catherynne Valente book. I have not read this one.

Sarah: Hm!

Amanda: I highly disagree with this review as someone who is familiar with Catherynne’s work? And I will explain why. I love her books so much. Her book Deathless is one of my favorite books of all time. Highly recommend it.

So it got three stars, which is like middle of the road, according to their – was it A pleasant read or something like that? – according to their rubric.

Sarah: Enjoyable, a pleasant read, also known as Eh!

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: It was there.

Amanda: >> In Valente’s third book after her well-received Orphan Tales duology, authorial quirks, which were one of the strengths in her prior work, become detriments. What plot there is is obscured by opaque prose and overly florid descriptions, and the four protagonists are all curiously self-centered and unsympathetic.

I feel like that’s kind of her thing.

Sarah: I was going to say, that kind of sounds like they’re criticizing the things that make her writing unique. Like, I understand –

Amanda: Yeah, ‘cause they’re like, Oh, her –

Sarah: – her style might not be for you, but, like, okay!

Amanda: Yeah, they’re like, Oh, her previous quirks become detriments. I was like, Maybe that’s just her style.

Sarah: And it doesn’t work for you.

Amanda: Yeah!

Sarah: Hmm!

Amanda: So I was like, Mm! The summary:

>> Four strangers are pulled into the surreal dream city of Palimpsest and bound together before being separated again. Repeat passage to the city is bought with casual sexual interaction found via word of mouth or in specified locations. They –

Sarah: So Grindr.

Amanda: [Laughs]

>> They each have something they’re looking for – a lover, a sister, a spouse, a purpose – and they come to the ghost kingdom of trains, mechanical cockroaches, and lion-headed humanoids in search of it. What they find in Palimpsest is beyond their imagining.

I always think that, like, Valente does some really interesting world building in general. Like, I believe Deathless – oh my God – is a giant allegory of the Siege of Leningrad? [Laughs]

Sarah: Damn, okay! Wow!

Amanda: Combined with, like, death mythology?

Sarah: Sure. Okay.

Amanda: It’s so good, guys. Everyone read it, please. I think –

Sarah: It’ll be in the show notes. I added the title to the books list so that we’ll make sure that it’s in the show notes.

Amanda: Is it the Siege of Leningrad? I don’t want to speak out of turn. Yeah, but it’s like Russian folktale, Siege of Leningrad, very good.

But yeah, I just think, like, they call out that this is sort of like the author’s style?

Sarah: Mm-hmm.

Amanda: And then they’re like, Eh, but not here, not for this book. And I just feel like if you’re already aware this is their writing, you kind of have to lean into it. So I disagreed a little with their, it feels a little – hypocritical might be the wrong word, but you know what I’m trying to say?

Sarah: Criticism without foundation.

Amanda: Yeah!

Sarah: I mean, I remember hearing an agent once say that, you know, you shouldn’t read an author’s books back to back to back to back, because they’re not meant to be consumed that way. They weren’t written that way, and when you read them that way, you’re just going to notice the things that they do. And I’m like, Yes, that’s true, but unless it’s really annoying, I just notice it and move on. Like I’m real, real into patterns, unfortunately, or at least my brain is. With this, it sounds like maybe this reviewer read a bunch of her books in a row, and by the time they got to the one that they were reviewing, they were tired of the style?

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: And if her writing is opaque and florid, then you do need a break. Like –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – you can’t survive on rich and, you know, nuanced food alone. Sometimes you need a potato chip.

Amanda: Get a potato chip.

Sarah: And some books are potato chips, and that’s not an insult.

Amanda: [Laughs] Which one did you pick?

Sarah: I p-, picked Imager by L. E. Modesitt – or Modesit; I’m not sure how to – Junior. It got three stars, and this is a fantasy.

>> Modesitt took a gamble on this book. His meticulous worldbuilding is based on law and history, and he knew this would be dry for some readers.

How do you know that?

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: You, you, I mean, unless there’s an interview where he says that – see, this is something that I get very touchy about in reviews that I’m editing? You cannot know the author’s motivation; you cannot know why. Unless they told you, you don’t know the reason for things being there, and so that’s why I actually remove the author from the book review as much as possible. A, because like ninety other people might have been involved in the production of this book, and B, you don’t know their motivations; you can’t.

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: So as I was saying:

>> – he knew this would be dry for some readers. While the world is fascinating and imagers themselves are extraordinary, the meat of the novel is slightly dry, and some readers will be reminded of a college lecture.

So the person who wrote this review doesn’t actually say what they thought. Unless they’re saying some readers, and it’s them, I thought this was dry, and it reminded me of a college lecture. Like, so how do you know that they, that he knew it would be dry for some reasons? Did he say that? Is it on the cover? “I know this will be dry for some readers, but here is my next book, Imager.” Like, come on. So, the summary:

>> Rhenn is a portraitist on the fast track to master status. No master in the guild could deny his immense talent. Having finally achieved journeyman level after years of following the guild guidelines, Rhenn finds his master dead through his own actions. Rhenn has discovered that he has a talent for making his thoughts become reality. Persons such as Rhenn are called imagers, and they are both dangerous and valuable. So Rhenn must learn to contain and focus his skills. His future path seems uncertain to him, and he must decide which course to take, that which he wishes or that which he is, which is set for him.

I mean, okay! Sounds like a pretty bog-standard hero’s journey. I wonder if the part that is dry is the whole, like, the journeyman and the, the guild achieving status. Like, I wonder if there’s like a whole section where they explain how you, how you move up in status. Maybe that would be dry. I don’t know. But I don’t, I don’t like reviews where the reviewer is presuming to know the author’s motivation. There’s no way –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – you can know that. That seems very unfair.

Shall we move on to Inspirational?

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: What did you pick?

Amanda: I picked – [laughs] – I picked When Love Blooms on page 76. It’s a historical; it’s by Robin Lee Hatcher. Four stars. I had a hard time picking in this section, I’ve got to be honest.

Sarah: Is this because none of them jumped out at you, or is it because all of them are four stars?

Amanda: Yeah, they’re all sort of like, I would read them and I’m like, Ugh, fine.

Sarah: There’s one three. Everything in this section is four and a half or four. There is one three.

Amanda: I wonder if they felt bad giving them lower grades ’cause Jesus –

Sarah: Well, yes, ‘cause –

Amanda: – would be upset.

Sarah: – it’s, it’s ’cause it’s Jesus and the, and you’ll, you’ll go to hell if you give an inspirational book a two-star.

Amanda: You get up to the Pearly Gates and –

Sarah: Yeah!

Amanda: – they’d be like…

Sarah: Saint Peter! Saint Peter’s going to be like, Listen, I saw that grade you gave in RT magazine. I’m sorry!

Amanda: >> This is another great historical romance novel by Hatcher, who writes her characters with their feelings on their sleeves. They’re also written with their weaknesses showing, and she shows readers how to turn a weakness into a strength by relying on their beliefs and their inner selves.

Sure.

Sarah: That says, that says absolutely nothing.

Amanda: Sure! [Laughs]

>> In 1883 Idaho –

Sarah: Oh!

Amanda: I know.

>> – Emily Harris has been hired to be a nanny for Gavin Blake’s three young children. His wife Dru is dying of cancer, and he wants someone to help her when he’s out on the range.

Question that I, that is just popping into my brain: when did we first realize cancer was a thing? That we could name and diagnose cancer?

Sarah: I don’t know! Keep reading and I’ll find out.

Amanda: Yeah.

>> But Dru has other ideas about hiring Emily. She doesn’t want Gavin to be alone after she’s gone and has found him his next wife. Gavin doesn’t think Emily can handle life in the wilderness without all the luxuries she has grown up with. Can Emily prove to Gavin that she can do this so she won’t lose her job? It’s harder than she thought, especially when she discovers she has feelings for him she knows she shouldn’t have.

So this dying wife has hired Emily to be a nanny to the children, but also is secretly getting her to be essentially her replacement after she dies. And I’m assuming Emily is not in on this plan, because Emily may – the last sentence is like she has feelings for him she knows she shouldn’t have?

Sarah: [Laughs]

Amanda: So Dru is playing, like, puppet master, essentially, with this unassuming woman and her husband. It, does she die –

Sarah: And the kids!

Amanda: – and then in her will –

Sarah: And the three kids; don’t forget the kids.

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: Yeah.

Amanda: In her will she’s like, I bequeath you this woman to now be your new wife? Like, this is messy. And also, like, feels weird for an inspirational, because, like –

Sarah: Look –

Amanda: – it’s not quite infidelity, I guess? But it’s toeing that line!

Sarah: – God wants him to fuck the nanny. All of these men who fuck the nanny –

Amanda: God came to me in a dream and –

Sarah: God came to me in a dream, Jesus was sitting right there, and they both said, Yo, buddy, you’ve got to bone the nanny. Like, all of these people who break up because their, their partner fucks the nanny, and how many celebrity couples have we seen break up because the husband was bonking the nanny? This –

Amanda: This just does not feel of the Lord to me.

Sarah: This does the, the, God wants you to fuck the nanny is the message of this book, yeah.

So I looked up, and I found on NPR, October 22nd, 2010, on Talk of the Nation:

>> Around 400 BC, Hippocrates is said to have named masses of cancerous cells carkinos, Greek for crab.

Amanda: I –

Sarah: >> Science and medical historian Howard Markle discovers a few hypotheses on why Hippocrates named the disease after a crab and how well cancer was understood in the ancient world.

Amanda: I am shocked. 400?

Sarah: BC, baby. It’s been cancer for a long time!

Amanda: Crazy! I definitely had it in my head that cancer was like this new designation that we figured out, like, what’s been killing people now that we can look inside their bodies or whatever. I thought this was, you know, 20th, early 20th-century discovery –

Sarah: Yep.

Amanda: …cancer.

Sarah: >> Roman physicians later translated the Greek into the Latin word for crab, which we know as cancer.

Amanda: Crazy!

Sarah: Is that not cool?

Amanda: We’re an educational podcast…

Sarah: We are very educational; there is no question.

Amanda: [Laughs] We are educational.

Sarah: So the book I picked I only picked because it’s a bad joke, and in fact my note is Bad joke, bad joke! All right. This is tagged as mom lit, which is a designation I dislike.

Amanda: What the fuck does that mean?

Sarah: It’s like chick lit, but everyone’s married and has kids and is wearing elastic-waist pants and is tired.

Amanda: Only moms can purchase.

Sarah: Only moms can – and it, again, it’s, it’s in Inspirational, which means that not only is it mom lit, but it’s also Jesus mom lit. I don’t know what the Jesus by volume on this one is, but here we go. This book is called Play It Again, SAHM, by Meredith Efken, but SAHM is S-A-H-M, which, if you’ve ever been on a parenting message board, you know stands for stay-at-home mom. Bad joke, bad joke, bad joke! I’m so excited! Okay, Amanda has her eyes covered. She is just, she couldn’t roll her eyes harder if she tried.

Amanda: Rough.

Sarah: Yeah, it’s a rough one.

Amanda: Rough.

Sarah: Play It Again, SAHM:

>> The third installment of Efken’s unique series featuring an email group of stay-at-home moms overflows with humor-filled situations.

So I guess this is one of those books where everything is an email?

>> The books –

Amanda: That seems like my personal hell, is being in –

Sarah: [Laughs]

Amanda: – an email group with –

Sarah: No!

Amanda: – conservative Christian moms.

Sarah: No, what you really do not want is to be in the Democratic mom’s group of an affluent suburb – ask me how I know.

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: >> The book’s target audience will find a great deal to identify with and will be encouraged at every turn.

Hopefully they will be encouraged to not hit Reply All.

>> It’s sad to see the series end, but it is exciting to anticipate what this author will come up with next.

So here’s the summary:

>> After a year-long break from the email loop, illustrious Martha Stewart wannabe Rosalyn Eberly, is now back in charge.

This sounds terrible. Not the, the book, the situation where this Martha Stewart wannabe is in charge of the email loop.

>> Much to the dismay of many of the other core members, Rosalyn doesn’t seem to have changed much. Can they all learn to get along, especially since the women plan to meet in person for a retreat?

That is a deep plot. That is just so much plot! That is, that is a lot of plot right there.

Amanda: This reminds me, I don’t know if I’ve ever told you the story of how I got stuck in a Thanksgiving church potluck group chat?

Sarah: I –

Amanda: Via text?

Sarah: I am already seated, but I am even more seated now.

Amanda: I, this is while I was living in Boston, and I think someone just typed in the number wrong ‘cause I still have my Florida number.

Sarah: Yeah.

Amanda: So then I just started getting all these messages of, like, What are you bringing to the Thanksgiving church potluck? And it’s like, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding! Like creamed corn! I’ll do the turkey! Whatever! And because I have an iPhone and other people in this group chat had Androids, you cannot leave the chat. You can’t do it. They have to remove you!

Sarah: Yep.

Amanda: So I’m trying to find a way to leave this chat, and I was like, Hey, I think there’s been a mistake. [Laughs] I think you have the wrong number. I am not a part of any of this. And they got so snippy with me. They’re like –

Sarah: [Gasps]

Amanda: – If you don’t want to be here, why don’t you leave? And I’m like –

Sarah: I can’t!

Amanda: – I can’t!

Sarah: [Laughs]

Amanda: If I could, I would. I can’t! And they did not listen to me. So then, like, the messages kept going, so I’m just like, Yeah, I’ll bring the mashed potatoes, and just started, like, playing along. I don’t know whatever happened, but the group chat quieted down, and that was that. But it’s like, Listen, Mary Jo –

Sarah: [Laughs] Mary Jo.

Amanda: If I could get out of here –

Sarah: I would.

Amanda: – without asking any of you for help, because God knows you can’t find your way out of a wet paper bag –

Sarah: [Laughs]

Amanda: – I would. Okay? I’m not doing this for my health. Just get me out of here. Why don’t you do it?

Sarah: That is very strange because, A, I’ve been in that situation where I’ve been in canoes where I’m like, Who the hell, what the hell is this? But I am also somehow on the phone tree for the Sherwood Forest United Methodist Church in Winston-Salem, North Carolina. I used to get their newsletter, where the pastor would be like, Here is a penny for my thoughts, and would, like, write a little, tiny homily about the verse. And then, you know, Who’s, who’s hosting the potluck? Who’s, who’s taking the coffee hour for food and fellowship?
And I, I am now, I am now not on the email chain, but I still get their voicemail. And I just want everyone to know that if you are in Winston-Salem and you’re going to Sherwood Forest, there is a men’s breakfast at 8 a.m.; I got a voicemail about it. And they’re, they’re very happy to call me once a week and give me the lowdown. And I can’t get off. I have no idea how to get off this phone tree. No idea.

Amanda: It is crazy.

Sarah: It is so annoying. I just love the idea that all these Florida moms were like, How dare you ask us to leave? And they’re all, like, texting each other, Who’s Amanda? Did you see her at Publix? Who is this? [Laughs]

Amanda: I didn’t even give him my, give them my name. I don’t know who I was, like, supposed to be and they got the number wrong. I’m like –

Sarah: And they got all pissy that you wanted to leave! [Laughs]

I put a Goodreads link in the document. You need to see the cover for Play It Again, SAHM.

Amanda: Okay.

Sarah: This is so of its era. How is this a stay-at-home mom? She’s wearing a full pink suit with a neckerchief –

Amanda: She’s at a laptop!

Sarah: – at a laptop.

Amanda: That would never be allowed.

Sarah: She’s at a laptop. She looks like she’s in an office, except there’s laundry underneath. She’s wearing a full pink suit with a neckerchief and ankle-strap heels. Like, I am not a stay-at-home mom – I am a mom and I stay at home, but my kids are in college – and I do not regularly put on heels in the house. So I don’t know what’s going on there.

Amanda: Also, I made this comment when we get to the Mystery section for the book that you picked, ‘cause they have the cover?

Sarah: Mm-hmm.

Amanda: We’re also of a time where illustrated covers have what I call, like, the Betty Spaghetty treatment, where –

Sarah: All of them.

Amanda: – they’re just limbs.

Sarah: [Laughs] They’re just –

Amanda: They’re just legs up to their neck.

Sarah: And a little round head. [Laughs]

Amanda: That’s it. I’m like, What in the Betty Spaghetty is this? [Laughs]

Sarah: And this, this is 2009, so this is, like, still solidly in the decade where unhealthy thinness is the beauty standard that’s being enforced, especially on young women. So –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – yeah. Like, that, that illustration doesn’t help.

Moving on to Romantic Suspense, which is not very beefy. There’s a handful of titles, but there is a two-star. What did you pick?

Amanda: I need – this is going to be a big yikes, okay, everyone?

Sarah: I am so ready.

Amanda: This is going to be a major big yikes, especially for the climate we are now in. So everyone strap in for this one.

Sarah: Okay.

Amanda: Okay?

Sarah: Okay.

Amanda: Page 81 –

Sarah: Got it.

Amanda: – a, A Desperado for Christmas –

Sarah: Okay.

Amanda: – by Vijaya Sh-, Schartz, I think is her name. Two stars.

Sarah: Two stars!

Amanda: Hot.

Sarah: ‘Kay, with you.

Amanda: The problems don’t come up until the summary, so –

Sarah: Okay!

Amanda: – ‘kay.

Sarah: All right, I’m, I’m ready. I’m braced.

Amanda: >> This story falls short in many areas with its repetitive dialogue and cardboard characters.

Sarah: Ooh!

Amanda: >> Although there’s a lot of action packed into one night, the plot still fails to engage, and the instantaneous connection between the hero and heroine is unbelievable.

Sarah: Okay!

Amanda: Okay, are we ready? Are we ready, class?

>> Kaitlin Harrington is a rookie border patrol agent who volunteered to protect the Mexican border in Arizona on Christmas Eve.

Sarah: Oh no! Oh God!

Amanda: It gets worse!

Sarah: Geeze Louise!

Amanda: >> She’s hated the holiday since her lover jilted her and she lost her unborn child one Christmas Eve.

Sarah: Oh dear God.

Amanda: >> And after her partner Josh leaves her alone, trouble starts.

It gets worse!

Sarah: Oh God! [Laughs]

Amanda: >> Kaitlin tries to stop Miguel, a desperado and human smuggler, from completing his mission.

Sarah: No!

Amanda: >> But there’s more to Miguel than meets the eye, and Kaitlin…

Sarah: No!

Amanda: >> – for a night of dangerous adventure through the Arizona desert.

[Laughs]

Sarah: All right, I just need you to know that I did a meditation this morning about relaxing your body –

Amanda: All that hard work is gone.

Sarah: – down into the earth, where you sort of clench your body up and then think about releasing with a deep sigh –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – and letting your energy, all of that tension flow out of you. And I just, I, my shoulders are up; my, my, my jaw is clenched; that, all that work is gone. Holy shit!

Amanda: You feel that clench in your butthole. Like that?

Sarah: [Muffled] Oh God!

Amanda: Yeah!

Sarah: A human –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – smuggler, and he’s the, I’m assuming that’s the desperado for Christmas, so this is the hero.

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: Oh, yikes on a moped.

Amanda: Yeah!

Sarah: Holy shit. Wow, that’s a real, that’s a real corker you found there. [Laughs] Holy crap!

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: That’s – ooh! I can’t top that.

Amanda: I could not believe what I was reading. I was like, What?

Sarah: I don’t believe what you were reading either.

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: Holy McFuck, Amanda!

Amanda: Yeah!

Sarah: Well, I can’t top that, even though I did pick a Lora Leigh novel.

Amanda: [Laughs] Lora Leigh is her own brand of –

Sarah: She’s her own brand. And there’s, it’s so funny: I get email periodically asking me, Hey, you know, I’m not trying to be nosy or pry, and if this is private information, you know, you don’t have to share, but you seem to know a lot of people. Do you know what happened to X author? It is always Lora Leigh and Maya Banks and Meredith Duran.

Amanda: I, I have another one to add to the list.

Sarah: Who?

Amanda: After reading this magazine, I was like, what the fuck happened to Julie James?

Sarah: Oh, she’s writing scripts. I follow her on Instagram. She’s writing a, a television series right now. She posts pictures of the television series she’s writing.

Amanda: But, like, I want to know what the series is. I know she went to screenwriting, but then I was like, is she on IMDB? I want to know what she’s been working on. And then here are her gorgeous photos in Italy!

Sarah: Mm-hmm.

Amanda: But, like, Julie James is another that I’m like, Come back! What are you doing? But I saw just, like, untitled TV series –

Sarah: Yes!

Amanda: – and I’m like –

Sarah: Yes.

Amanda: – I’m nosy. What is it?!

Sarah: Everyone in her comments was like, Tell us more!

Amanda: I know.

Sarah: And she’s – like, Are you going to be writing? She’s like, I’m still writing; it’s just not the books that people want. And her books are so good.

Amanda: I know.

Sarah: They’re so good.

Amanda: They, they were like banger after banger –

Sarah: Mm-hmm!

Amanda: – on the site for a long time, and then –

Sarah: Do you remember how there was one in the series where the hero got sent to jail because he crashed out on Twitter?

Amanda: [Laughs] No.

Sarah: Yes. This, the, it was the brother of the heroine of one book, and then in a later book he got his own book, and he had a, an ankle cuff, like a, like a home arrest cuff.

Amanda: Monitor…

Sarah: And one of the scenes, he’s, they’re all in Chicago, and he knows exactly how far out he can jog before he has to turn back? And so he goes exactly that far, like, right to the border, and turns back, like, every day. And he’s like, you know, Just over that line, I can’t go. And it’s right there.

Amanda: Speaking of ankle monitors – [laughs] – I saw this on Reddit the other day.

Sarah: Speaking of ankle monitors. [Laughs]

Amanda: Yeah. Someone was talking about how sensitive they are?

Sarah: Yes!

Amanda: And they’re like, Oh yeah, I used to work – I don’t know if it was like a PO’s office where, like, we would get an alert, and we’d have to call and be like, Hey, you know, like, what’s going on? And they told this story of this woman who had an ankle monitor, and it kept going off. And they called her, and apparently she was a stripper, and she was using hot glue to bedazzle her ankle cuff? And the hot glue gun was setting off the ankle monitors. [Laughs]

Sarah: Let this woman bedazzle! Let her bedazzle!

Amanda: Yeah! And she –

Sarah: There was –

Amanda: – she was totally fine! And, you know –

Sarah: That’s hysterical!

Amanda: – she was like, Oh, I’m so sorry, but I’m just bedazzling my ankle monitor, and the hot glue was, like, messing with the…

Sarah: Bzzt, bzzt! I, funny enough, on Reddit recently saw somebody posting a picture of their ankle cuff that they had cut.

Amanda: That was, it’s that thread, Sarah!

Sarah: It’s that thread? I didn’t read to that part! Because somebody was like, Yeah, I designed the optic fiber in the cable. They know you cut it. Like, it’s –

Amanda: Yeah, ’cause someone was like, Oh, look at, I can cut through this with this pair of, like, scissors and they’re like, Those are – I can’t remember what kind of scissors, but yeah.

Sarah: There’s an optical cable in there. I designed it. It’s, it, they know. Yep.

Amanda: Yeah. It was the same thread! [Laughs]

Sarah: Oh my God, I love how we’re in the same parts of Reddit and we don’t know. That’s hilarious. Okay.

Amanda: Okay. Anyway, detour. This always happens. [Laughs]

Sarah: This always happens, but you know what? That makes it fun, and I think people enjoy it.

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: Maverick by Lora Leigh, four stars. You are not surprised to know that this is labeled Scorcher –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – ‘cause if you’re reading Lora Leigh, there’s going to be some sexytimes.

>> Scorching hot sex, deadly secrets, and a determined assassin add up to another addicting Leigh thriller. Leigh’s ability to credibly build damaged characters who are both intriguing and intense gives her stories that extra punch.

M’kay. Summary:

>> As a child, Risa Clay was used as a test subject for a horrific drug called Whore’s Dust by a man she can’t remember.

[Laughs] I’m sorry, I re-, when I was looking through the magazine, I got to Whore’s Dust and I started cackling.

Amanda: Been huffing Whore’s Dust over there?

Sarah: Okay, like, seriously, think of, like, drug street names. Who is going to take the time to be like Whore’s Dust? It’s always like smack, crack. It’s a short staccato. Who’s going to be out here going, Whore’s Dust?

Amanda: But, like, what is Whore’s Dust? And my brain immediately was like, Well, if we’re talking about our own personal brand, that dust from a Cool Ranch Dorito is my own personal…

Sarah: Whore’s Dust, a hundred percent!

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: All right, TRIGGER WARNING for the following sentences, people. This is a violent book.

>> In the wake of being raped, drugged, and brutalized, it has taken years for her to, for her to be willing to attempt any kind of relationship with a man.

Ya think?

>> Micah Sloan, an Elite Ops agent, is out to take down the assassin called Orion. When the mystery man behind Risa’s abduction fears she might be remembering things, he orders Orion to kill her. With a chance to catch Orion, Micah is determined not to let Risa out of his sight, but the passion between, is the passion between them real or just the result of forced proximity?

All right. I understand the, the idea that she’s building damaged characters that are intriguing and intense, but this person has had a truly horrific life. The last thing that this woman needs is a Lora Leigh hero in her life. He, he’s never not going to be hard. He’s going to be humping her leg. Like, the last thing that Risa needs –

Amanda: He’s going to –

Sarah: – is a Lora Leigh hero.

Amanda: – every other page say something super insensitive that –

Sarah: Hundred percent.

Amanda: – hurts her feelings.

Sarah: Let her heal. No Lora Leigh heroes for this girl.

Amanda: Yeah, don’t –

Sarah: But unfortunately, it’s a Lora Leigh book, so fuck out of luck am I! [Laughs]

Amanda: Ugh. But, like, that’d be a really cool, like, meta story is, like, a woman realizes that she’s, like, in a, like, a branded Lora Leigh novel instead of, like, some romance where the heroes are like beta heroes, and she’s like, Fuck! [Laughs]

Sarah: And she goes, she’s going to go get one of those chastity belts with, like, vagina dentata on the outside, like, like razor blades and spikes. Like, yeah, sure, go ahead, give it a try. You’re just going to be Swiss cheese.

Amanda: I’m prepared. [Laughs]

Sarah: You’re just going to be a split-open hot dog, my friend.

In Mystery, Suspense, and Thriller, there is a book, and it’s advertised later, and it’s called Taos Chill, and all I can hear in my brain is someone telling a dog named Taos to chill. Taos, chill.

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: You need to chill.

Amanda: That dog’s a husky, you know. One hundred percent.

Sarah: Aroo-roo-roo-roo!

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: So, would you like to go first?

Amanda: Sure.

Sarah: Yes!

Amanda: I’m on page 88, and I’m going to do something a little different and read the summary first.

Sarah: Shocking! What? Okay!

Amanda: I know. ‘Cause you’ll, you’ll see. There’s a, a detail that I feel is important that is missing. The book is The Ghost and the Haunted Mansion by Alice Kimberly, three stars, and it’s like –

Sarah: Sounds like Amanda bait.

Amanda: [Laughs] It’s labeled Amateur Sleuth, Series, Paranormal. Summary:

>> When Penelope McClure finds the body of an elderly customer, she suspects foul play. Her friend Seymour Tarnish, the mail carrier, is brought in for questioning because Penelope saw him fleeing the scene, but the misunderstanding is soon cleared up, despite the bungled handling of the situation by the police. However, when Seymour inherits the elderly lady’s mansion, Penelope wonders if there’s more to the story, and the mailman isn’t the only suspect. A number of questions surround Miss Todd’s death, and Penelope is determined to find justice for her former customer.

Okay.

Sarah: M’kay!

Amanda: So that’s the summary.

Sarah: It’s always some bookshop owner who’s, like, solving crime on the side.

Amanda: So –

Sarah: And I mean, who has the time for that? But anyway.

Amanda: The review mentions something that the summary has not mentioned.

Sarah: All right.

Amanda: >> The latest novel in Kimberly’s Haunted Bookshop mystery series is lighthearted and fun. The ghost of a gumshoe P.I. from the 1940s makes a unique and entertaining sidekick.

Sarah: Yes! Yes!

Amanda: I’m sorry –

Sarah: Yes! This is great!

Amanda: This is new information here!

Sarah: Completely irrelevant to the summary of the book, by the way. Like, no one needs to know about this part.

Amanda: >> Conversations between Penelope, a bookstore owner and amateur sleuth, and Jack’s ghost keep the humor rolling. However, the pace slows too much during Penelope’s reflections, and the portrayed incompetence of the police becomes a bit old after a while.

I was, like, shocked that the summary does not mention the 1940s gumshoe ghost.

Sarah: What do you think he sounds like? Like, do you think his dialogue is like, All right, listen here, honey, that’s the ticket.

Amanda: Oh yeah, fast-talking –

Sarah: Yeah. Old –

Amanda: I’m picturing, like, Humphrey Bogart –

Sarah: Oh yeah, old timey gangster.

Amanda: – in the, what is it? What is it called? Oh my God.

Sarah: We gotta find the killer, see? This, this, this foul-play mail carrier –

Amanda: The Maltese Falcon, that’s what I’m…

Sarah: Yes. It’s ver-, I’m, I’m just partic-, I’m just picturing the exact same thing.

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: We got to find Seymour Tarnish, see? He’s a guilty man! No one runs from a bookstore! Who runs away? You run to the bookstore! This guy’s no good. Yeah, this is –

Amanda: ‘Cause I was like, It’s The Ghost and the Haunted Mansion, but where’s the fucking ghost in this summary?

Sarah: Incredible omission that is very important.

Amanda: And then something that I’ve noticed on 89, and there are a couple of these in this issue, is that they mention that Silent on the Moor by Deanna Raybourn came in too late to review for this issue?

Sarah: Yes. Yes.

Amanda: And so they’ll, like, review it in the next one? But there were a few of these, like, little notices at the bottom of sections of, like –

Sarah: Mm-hmm.

Amanda: – Hey, a prominent new release won’t be in this issue. Check the next one.

Sarah: And that really sucks, because if RT had any influence on buying habits, that would mean that that book is going to have less buying power behind it because people won’t know about it, ‘cause it wasn’t in the magazine. I don’t know how much buying power RT had in terms of –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – consumer sales, but not being, a major book not being reviewed in the month that it comes out kind of sucks. Unless they delayed it on purpose ‘cause they didn’t want to hear what RT had to say. [Laughs]

Amanda: Or, like, if you’re a reader and you’re following this series and you’re a subscriber and you’re like, Oh, I know Silent on the Moor comes out –

Sarah: Bummer.

Amanda: – you know, I’m going to read this review, and then it’s, like, not in there.

Sarah: Ugh.

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: I should email Deanna Raybourn and be like, Do you know why your book wasn’t in this issue in 2009? She’s going to be like, Bitch, no!

[Laughter]

Sarah: Are you kidding? I don’t remember what, last week! Please be serious.

So I picked, on page 86, Hounding the Pavement, because if there’s a pun title in this issue, I’m on it. It’s an Amateur Sleuth by Judi McCoy, four stories. Four stories. Four stars!

>> The temptation to use dog-related puns is overwhelming but must be ignored in order to give this excellent story a fair shake.

Disagree, but moving on.

>> The real mystery is how a book based on a character who communicates with dogs can be impossible to put down. The crisp writing, humorous dialogue, and delightful characters, both human and canine, all make this book a winner.

So are you telling me the dogs have dialogue? Because I need to check that out. Here’s the most absurd summary you will hear in a while:

>> Ellie Engleman, a professional dog walker on the Upper East Side of Manhattan, has a dream job. She enjoys being her own boss and relishes the company of small dogs. Being able to understand and converse with the dogs is an added benefit! This talent, however, is Ellie’s secret. But when she discovers one of her clients dead, her dream job turns into a nightmare. Detective Sam Ryder suspects Ellie of funny business, but he knows she’s not a murderer.

How? Doesn’t say.

>> Sam is trying to track a killer while Ellie searches for the deceased’s missing prize-winning Bichon. Can Sam and Ellie put aside their hostility and ignore the sexual sparks flying in order to solve a murder and a dog napping?

All right, talking dogs!

Amanda: Talking dogs.

Sarah: I am actually peeved that there are not more puns. If you, if you are going to promise me the, the, the tease of puns, you need to deliver on the puns. And Hounding the Pavement is, is, is already a good start. Like, what the hell? Give me more puns. I want more Play It Again, SAHM. Like, that’s what I’m here for.

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: And the cover is pictured too, and –

Amanda: Play It Again, SAHM.

Sarah: – woof. There’s a, okay, I, on the cover, I know that those, some of those are dog noses, but in a small size, it looks like dog butts.

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: Like little dog buttholes.

Amanda: And the Betty Spaghetty legs.

Sarah: Betty Spaghetty treatment. Also, does she live on the Upper East Side while being a dog walker? Because I have questions.

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: Mostly how. How? How? How? How, how, how.

Shall we move on to Contemporary?

Amanda: Yes.

Sarah: Where are we headed to next?

Amanda: Oh boy, good question. Tempting Faith by Crystal Hubbard. This was another one where I read the Goodreads review ‘cause I was very, I had questions about the setup of this book.

Sarah: It’s really interesting, by the way, when the book review makes us go to Goodreads for more information.

Amanda: Yeah, ‘cause I was like, What? I have questions about –

Sarah: Many things!

Amanda: – what this means! Yeah!

Sarah: Yes. Okay.

Amanda: It’s on page 94, and it’s Tempting Faith by Crystal Hubbard, four stars, Hot, multicultural. Yeah. So, multicultural means the heroine is a Black woman, the hero is not.

Sarah: But look, we have two multiculturals and an African-American. What is the difference?

Amanda: I wonder if multicultural is interracial?

Sarah: Ohhh!

Amanda: I don’t know.

Sarah: Maybe!

Amanda: This is the review.

Sarah: Okay.

Amanda: >> Heartfelt dialogue and quirky secondary characters – you’ll love Candy – complete this charming love story.

That’s it. That’s the review.

Sarah: One sentence, that’s all we get. Okay!

Amanda: That’s all you get.

Sarah: Sure!

Amanda: The summary –

Sarah: In, please phone it.

Amanda: >> Faith and Alexander were both anxious to escape the confines of Dorothy, West Virginia, for bigger and better lives. Alex wanted to get away from his dysfunctional family and to find a better life. The only problem is that meant leaving Faith behind. Ten years later, Faith Wheeler pops up at a press conference for Hollywood’s latest, brightest star, Zander Baron.

Sarah: Oof!

Amanda: >> Zander is born from the former Alex, who must now decide whether to let Faith into the world that he has carefully crafted for himself to protect his new career as a heartthrob.

Sarah: Huh?

Amanda: >> The ultimate reason behind his disappearance from Dorothy testifies to the love that Alex has always felt for Faith. Will it be enough?

So, I was confused.

Sarah: Yeah, me too!

Amanda: Apparently, Alex now lives as Zander Baron and is a Hollywood actor.

Sarah: Okay!

Amanda: Okay? And I was like, Oh, does Faith recognize him at the conference? Or is this sort of, like, slowly revealed? ‘Cause they haven’t seen each other in ten years. Who knows what he looks like? Maybe he dyes his hair and gets Botox. Who knows? Does Faith also recognize him? And I had, I had questions, so I went to Goodreads, and I read a review by TinaNoir, who gave it three stars. And apparently, so the heroine, Faith, was, like, the only Black girl in that town of West Virginia.

Sarah: Oh girl, I’m sorry. Oy!

Amanda: And apparently a flood happens?

Sarah: Oh no!

Amanda: And everyone assumes Alex is dead.

Sarah: [Gasps] He faked his death?

Amanda: Yeah! In a flood. [Laughs] He fakes his death in a flood. Everyone assumed he died in a horrific flood. So yeah, he faked his death to get out of there, but then becomes a Hollywood actor under a different name.

Sarah: Oh my God.

Amanda: And yes, she does recognize him. She, like, so, shows up…

Sarah: Okay.

Amanda: – I know it’s you! And then he’s like, Please don’t tell my secret. But – [laughs] – I was very shocked that –

Sarah: That’s shocking.

Amanda: – he faked his own death in a flood!

Sarah: And they were friends! I’m sorry I, I let, left you to grieve my death and just left you. Sorry about that. Can we bone now? Like, oh no!

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: [Gasps] ‘Cause that means that she has to, like, grieve twice, right? Like, she grieved for his death, and now she has to grieve the fact that her best friend lied to her and, like, left her behind and would rather her be in terrible emotional pain than tell her the truth that, Listen, I’m leaving.

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: Wow. Okay!

Amanda: Isn’t that nuts? [Laughs]

Sarah: That’s bananas and crackers.

Amanda: Yeah, I was like, Why couldn’t the review mention that?

Sarah: No, that’s – oof. That’s kind of a big point.

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: I picked a book that I absolutely loved, and I was really happy to see it get a good review. This is –

Amanda: I’ve never, I don’t think I’ve ever really read a, a Kleypas contemporary, by the way.

Sarah: I liked this one a lot. I think of, of her contemporaries, this is my favorite. This is Smooth Talking Stranger, four and a half stars, Hot, Top Pick!

>> Kleypas has written a perfect contemporary romance sure to stand the test of time. Each scene is masterfully crafted, and each emotion feels extraordinarily so real. Readers will be thinking about these superb characters long after closing the pages and rushing out to grab everything Kleypas has ever written.

Can confirm! Here is the summary:

>> Ella Varner has her life planned out. She has a boyfriend, eats vegan, and doesn’t believe in marriage, and speaks her voice in her regular advice column, Miss Independent. When her little sister Tara drops her newborn baby off and disappears, Ella takes on the responsibility of raising him until Tara can get back on her feet. Determined to make sure that the father is held accountable, she confronts the man her sister names, notorious ladies’ man Jack Travis. Ella has Jack’s full attention from the moment she barges into his office demanding a paternity test. Even though he knows full well he is not the baby’s father, he still bends over backward to help her.

It is such a fun contemporary. I loved this book. And there’s, like, the, the longer it goes on, the more you see the issues behind Ella and the issues behind Jack and why they are the way they are and how they reconcile each other. It’s a great book. And I’m really happy when a book I really liked gets a really nice review? I was really happy about that.

Amanda: Yeah!

Sarah: If you haven’t read Smooth Talking Stranger, I, I did like it a lot. But I mean, I read it in 2009. I’d have to read it again and think about it. It’s so funny, because there’s so many books where I’m like, Oh, I loved that book! I don’t know if I should recommend that to a 2026 reader! I have to think about it –

Amanda: That’s how I feel about…

Sarah: – because I don’t remember all the details, you know?

Amanda: I’m not a rereader, either, so I’m just going –

Sarah: Yeah!

Amanda: – based off of –

Together: – vibes!

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: Yeah, vibes.

Amanda: …remember!

Sarah: Moving on to Paranormal and Urban Fantasy. One of –

Amanda: This was a good section.

Sarah: Oh, this section is beefy. There are so many books, and there’s so, so many good books in here. What did you pick?

Amanda: I picked one of my absolute favorite –

Sarah: I love this!

Amanda: – [laughs] – paranormal romances.

Sarah: Yes!

Amanda: So this is – it’s on page 99 – Desire Unchained by Larissa Ione. Four stars, Hot. So this is a series that I would describe as a paranormal General Hospital.

Sarah: [Laughs] All right!

Amanda: Apparently, there’s, like, a supernatural hospital. It’s run by, like, a demon –

Sarah: Sure!

Amanda: – actually, a set of demon brothers – whatever.

Sarah: Sure!

Amanda: This is the second book in the series, I think, and it is my favorite book in the series because the heroine is just pissed all the time. And she has every right to be pissed, and I just, like, loved it. I loved seeing a heroine so just angry. Anyway, this one was one of my favorites. I feel like I need to reread it. But yeah, paranormal General Hospital, if that interests you. It is in the heyday of, like, early 2000s paranormal romance, so it is a specific kind of flavor of paranormal romance. This is not your 2026 twee small-town demons and witches, so keep that in mind.

>> Rising star Ione is back and ready to torture her demon brother heroes once again in this latest Demonica novel. Ione has a true gift for imbuing her characters with dark-edged passion and also exploring their torments of emotional trauma. When you add in thrilling action and treacherous vengeance, you get a top-notch read.

Sarah: This is Amanda bait! Put that under a box –

Amanda: Oh yeah.

Sarah: – and trap an Amanda.

Amanda: Series so good! I, like, I’m –

Sarah: Oh, that sounds very good.

Amanda: – getting excited thinking about this book series.

[Laughter]

Amanda: I haven’t read it in long time.

>> Seminus demon Shade has a dark threat hanging over him. If he should ever mate-bond, he will trigger a curse that will destroy him. Shade isn’t worried until he runs into his former human lover, Runa. Runa is out for vengeance. After learning Shade was a demon, she was attacked by a werewolf, but their personal battle will have to wait, for they’ve been kidnapped by the twisted and evil Rogue.

We’re, like –

Sarah: Ooh!

Amanda: – in Black Dagger Brotherhood territory with this name.

>> Shade thought his completely insane brother was dead. Finding out he isn’t is a horrible shock, and stopping Rogue before he destroys them all won’t be easy.

So, what happens – if memory serves – Runa and then Shade are dating. She walks in on what looks like a very freaky demon threesome happening that she is not a part of, and she gets the fuck out of there and is attacked by a werewolf and now is a werewolf.

Sarah: Ooh!

Amanda: And this is also one of the stories, paranormal romances that I read where she’s pissed at becoming a werewolf. She’s not –

Sarah: Yes!

Amanda: – suddenly like, Cool, I’m superhuman. She is so traumatized by this event and the becoming of a werewolf that she is, like, so angry about it. And she blames Shade for this happening to her, ‘cause she’s like, Well, if I didn’t walk in on him doing something freaky –

Sarah: [Laughs]

Amanda: – I wouldn’t have run out of there and been attacked by a werewolf at that moment. But yeah, Runa: pissed all the time. Love her so much. I feel like she’s definitely one of those heroines that people had complicated feelings about because –

Sarah: Right.

Amanda: – she was so mad all the time? Which I think she’s got every right to be. And I also liked –

Sarah: Hell yeah!

Amanda: – that becoming a supernatural creature was treated as, you know, a traumatic event.

Sarah: Yes!

Amanda: But no, I was right. They wake up next to each other, chained together in a dungeon, not having seen each other in a while, and I don’t think Shade knows that his former girlfriend is now a werewolf, so – [laughs]

Sarah: Oh my gosh.

Amanda: Oh, it’s so good! [Laughs]

Sarah: Wow.

Amanda: It’s so good!

Sarah: I, I want to point one thing out, and this is because I’m immature? Shade is a seminus demon? All I can think of is Beavis and Butthead talking about the seminiferous tubloidal buttnoids.

Amanda: I think the seminus demons are, like, sex demons. I think they’re…

Sarah: I’m sure! Judging by the name. Yes, Seminiferous tubloidal buttnoid Shane – Shade! – was hooking up with demons, and now his girlfriend’s a fucking werewolf.

Amanda: Oh my God…

Sarah: It’s fascinating to see – so for a lot of the paranormal, I think that the werewolf paranormals were negotiating our relationship with anger, especially uncontrolled anger? And when you have women with uncontrolled anger, how scary that is. But being changed is also an, an, a representative of assault and how it changes you forever and you can’t go back? And I think more of that could have been explored in a lot of the paranormals. Because you’re right, a lot of them were like, I got superpowers! Woohoo! I’m going to toss a car.

Amanda: No, she’s pissed!

Sarah: Pissed!

Amanda: I loved it. Highly recommend it. Yeah.

Sarah: I love how, I love how in this particular issue we’re like, This one’s good, and this one’s good, and you should read this one!

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: We are here to recommend you some books, people, from 2009.

Amanda: …I mean, ’cause, like, the last one we covered, I think at the end we’re like, Oh, do you want to read any of these? We’re like –

Sarah: No.

Amanda: – Nah, whatever. They’re all, like, sort of fine. So.

Sarah: And here we are, No, you should read all of these. [Laughs]

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: So I picked, on page 101, a book, and I, on the same page, I want to call out this review for Kitty Raises Hell by Carrie Vaughn, four and a half stars, Top Pick. It calls out the fact that the Kitty Norville series is a first-person adventure. It specifically names that it’s first person, and I think that is so interesting, given how many books nay, now you just, like, run into first person all the time.

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: Like, it’s very, very common, and here it was like, This is first person, like, Oh, that’s different and new!

The book I picked is Angel’s Blood by Nalini Singh. The last book in this series came out in May of this year, 2026, and –

Amanda: Crazy!

Sarah: – that is so fucking impressive. And I did interview Nalini about this, about this book this year. She is in the archives. This is Urban Fantasy, four and a half stars, Top Pick – not a surprise.

>> With the launch of a second paranormal series, Singh provides incontrovertible evidence that she’s an unrivaled storyteller.

Yep!

>> In this twist on vampire and angelic lore, the angels create and rule the vampires. This book should be at the top of your must-buy list. Tremendous!

That’s more fun than Sensual!

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: >> Vampire hunter Elena Deveraux is tops at what she does because she was born with a gift for scent tracking. When a vampire goes rogue, their masters, the angels, hire vampire hunters like Elena to bag, tag, and return them. Working for angels is one thing. Working for an archangel is something else entirely. They are the most ruthless, powerful of all. But Elena has little choice when an archangel goes on a killing spree and dangerously beautiful Archangel Raphael hires her to help track one of his own. For feisty Elena, half the battle will be to keep seductive and lethal Raphael from killing her before she starts her mission.

And then they go to Bone Town.

Amanda: Naturally!

Sarah: 2009, and that book’s final book came out two months ago. How dope is that?

Amanda: It’s so cool!

Sarah: So impressive.

Moving on to Series, where there are no one-stars; what a disappointment. Did you notice how many Silhouette titles there are in this one? So much Silhouette.

Amanda: So there weren’t a lot of one-stars, but a lot of two-stars –

Sarah: Lots of twos.

Amanda: – for sure.

Sarah: Lot of twos. What did you pick?

Amanda: So I picked The Greek’s Million-Dollar Baby Bargain by Julia James on page 108.

Sarah: Not Julie James!

Amanda: No, that’s what –

Sarah: Julia!

Amanda: – that’s what prompted, I was like, Oh yeah, what happened to Julie James?

Sarah: Yeah! [Laughs] Julia’s fine. She’s in this magazine!

Amanda: Yeah. And this was a Harlequin Presents, it looks like.

>> When a Greek tycoon, Nikos Theakis, offers a grieving Ann Turner a million pounds to turn her nephew Ari over to him and sever all ties, Ann accepts so that Ari can have all the things she can’t provide.

Sarah: Fuck that guy!

Amanda: It gets worse.

Sarah: Oh God.

Amanda: >> Her actions make Nikos think the worst of her.

Okay, dude, you made her an offer and she took it, and now you’re pissed that she took it? That, like –

Sarah: Men.

Amanda: – makes me so mad. And this happens sometimes in romance where, like –

Sarah: Mm-hmm.

Amanda: – they make them an offer that they know they can’t refuse, yada-yada-yada, and then they get mad when they take the, the money or whatever. They’re like, How dare she?

Sarah: And she accepts because Ari will be the one who benefits! She’s actually making a painful but attempt-at-generous choice, even though I don’t know how much of a father this fuckeroo’s is going to be. But anyway.

Amanda: Yeah, they don’t, like, fully explain their relationship, but my assumption is that because Ari’s her nephew, it is the son of Ann’s sister and Nikos, and Ann’s sister –

Sarah: Mmm.

Amanda: – has probably died, because –

Sarah: Mm-hmm.

Amanda: – it mentions that she’s grieving? So, you know.

>> Four years later, after a chance meeting with Ari and his grandmother, Ann is invited to Greece to spend time with her nephew, much to Nikos’s chagrin. But there’s a simmering attraction, and almost too late, Nikos learns he couldn’t be more wrong about Ann.

>> It’s hard to warm up to this story, since the hero treats the heroine so badly.

Sarah: Ya think!

Amanda: >> At the end, when he decides he’s in love with her and she quickly reciprocates, how can you think well of either one?

Sarah: Ooh, burn!

Amanda: I know!

Sarah: Buuurn!

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: Damn!

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: Well, I picked a book that I did not realize was going to reflect back on your inspirational pick.

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: I picked Marrying the Virgin Nanny, two stars, by Teresa Southwick.

>> Hired by wealthy developer Jason Garrett to care for his infant son Brady, nanny Maggie Shepherd plans to stay for six weeks, then move on. But Jason makes her an offer she can’t refuse. If she’ll –

Amanda: Oh my God, they love offers you can’t refuse!

Sarah: They love it! We’re going to corner you, and we’re going to coerce you into decisions and triangulate your life for you, and it’s all in the name of love. [Sings] Please fuck off!

>> If she’ll marry him and continue looking after Brady, he’ll donate a million dollars to the orphanage where Maggie grew up. What’s supposed to be a business deal gets personal fast, but can Jason give Maggie what she really needs?

>> A problematic storyline isn’t helped by the characters. Maggie’s easy to admire, but Jason’s cold, manipulative treatment of her is inexcusable, despite his past, and her love for him strains credibility.

Oof! Why they weren’t dealing out ones, I don’t know, because you could have!

Amanda: Yeah, like, what would it…

Sarah: Wouldn’t have been hard!

Amanda: – give these a one?

Sarah: Yeah! Sounds terrible!

And our last category, Erotica.

Amanda: This is the best section.

Sarah: This is the best section in this novel –

Amanda: This is the best section! [Laughs]

Sarah: – in this whole magazine. And usually, you know, usually we’re like, Oh yeah, Erotica. [Grumbles] Fine, I picked one. Seriously, we have got Lauren Dane, Delilah Devlin, Joey W. Hill, Lorelei James, Lora Leigh again –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – Amy Stewart, Charlene Teglia, Joanna Wylde – like, we have got so many big, big – oh, Elizabeth Amber. Ohhh! I’ve told you about the Elizabeth Amber books, right? With –

Amanda: I think so!

Sarah: – with the Seeker? It comes out from behind his ball sack to repair her anus.

Amanda: Oh wait! No, am I think- –

Sarah: I’ll, I’ll tell you all about it, but you go first! [Laughs]

Amanda: Did Elizabeth Amber, did she write the Lords of Satyr? Is that what I’m thinking of?

Sarah: Lords of the Satyr!

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: Which Adam really thought was Seder like Passover? And he’s like, I don’t understand; are they Jewish?

[Laughter]

Sarah: So what did you pick?

Amanda: So I picked two –

Sarah: Yes!

Amanda: – because I can. I can do that if I so choose.

Sarah: I mean, who’s going to stop you?

Amanda: [Laughs] But you mentioned Lorelei James. Oh my God.

Sarah: Yes. I, I –

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: That whole, the whole Rough Riders series is a fucking revelation. And I mean both words equally.

Amanda: I know. [Laughs]

Sarah: Jesus, that series was good.

Amanda: So the first book is on page 117. I picked A Vampire’s Claim by Joey W. Hill.

Sarah: She’s amazing!

Amanda: I know. Four stars.

Sarah: Is she still with us?

Amanda: >> Hill does not disappoint with the third book in her well-written vampire series. Set in the starkness of the Australian wilderness with brief appearances by characters from previous works, A Vampire’s Claim is sure to enthrall and delight not only existing Hill fans, but also those new to her writing.

Also, the thought of an Australian vampire just, is just tickling me right now.

>> Lady Daniela is a rare born vampire. When her mother chooses to meet the sun, she inherits an Australian outback station, but has to overcome the tyranny of a brutal region master. While on her journey to Thieves Station, she meets Devlin, an alpha human who aids her in her quest and sets her libido on fire. Dev shows her many times over that he’s there for the asking, but when Dani marks him as her servant without his consent, she may lose the one man in two thousand years worth claiming.

Here’s the thing –

Sarah: Uh-oh!

Amanda: I think it’s interesting that the consent issues fall on the heroine…

Sarah: Yes. Yes.

Amanda: – romance. And it looks like the series, the women are vampires, and the heroes are their servants or become their, like, vampiric servants. So I was like, this sounds interesting to me personally. So added that one to my Goodreads, definitely.

Sarah: Did you ever read her book Natural Law?

Amanda: No, but I can picture that cover in my brain real fast!

Sarah: The man bound, bound in ropes? Yeah. That’s another book where the hero is a homicide detective who goes undercover in a BDSM club as a submissive to catch a killer who he thinks is a dominatrix –

Amanda: This is perfect.

Sarah: – and he forms a relationship with a dominatrix named Violet Siemanski, and it is, it is both a procedural and a BDSM erotic romance. It’s so dope.

Amanda: I love that!

Sarah: Joey W. Hill is so talented. So fucking talented.

Amanda: And then I also picked, on page 119, Animal Attraction by Charlene Teglia? Three stars.

Sarah: Yep.

Amanda: I think this would do so well right now. [Laughs]

Sarah: You should, you know what you should do? You should review it and put it on the site and be like, Everyone should be reading this book. See what happens.

Amanda: I think this would do so well in 2026.

Sarah: Bring it!

Amanda: >> The premise is a little off-putting at first.

Highly disagree with that.

Sarah: [Laughs]

Amanda: >> A female, a female werewolf must choose her life mate from a pack of thirteen males, making it sound like The Bachelorette for the Differently Furry.

Sarah: Differently furry!

Amanda: I’m sorry, like, a why-choose-y Bachelorette-esque paranormal romance?

Sarah: She gotta bang each one! Sold.

Amanda: This would be so popular right now!

Sarah: This would be so popular right now. Give that bad boy a romantasy cover –

Amanda: No.

Sarah: – and we are off.

Amanda: >> But Teglia keeps the story and the characters from becoming clichéd with sensitive attention to the protagonist’s issues, a thrilling subplot and more hot sex than they’ll ever show on network television.

Sarah: [Laughs] Let me tell you about Heated Rivalry, folks. I, I got some news.

Amanda: I know; times have changed.

[Laughter]

Amanda: >> Chandra is a bit surprised to discover she’s a werewolf –

Sarah: Ruh-roh!

Amanda: >> – and even more shocked to find out she must now choose a mate from the local pack of males, each one more gorgeous and talented in bed than the last.

Also, how do you suddenly find out you’re a werewolf? That’s what I want to know. [Laughs]

Sarah: Maybe it’s like getting your first period, except the full moon happens and you’re like, Whoa! Whoa, whoa, I need to depilate.

Amanda: I mean, I feel like –

Sarah: [Sings] I’m hairy!

Amanda: Yeah, I feel like periods, though, and turning into a werewolf are very similar in this regard. [Laughs]

Sarah: You know what? It is, you know, roughly every twenty-eight days. Fair point!

Amanda: Yeah.

>> Unfortunately, a rogue pack of werewolves has joined forces with the local werepanthers –

Sarah: Hate that.

Amanda: >> – to try to destroy Chandra’s people. If Chandra chooses the wrong mate, it could weaken her pack. If she has the courage to follow her heart, she can save them all.

But yeah! I don’t know if this is like a why-choose in more of a she just, like, has sex with a bunch of people, which good for her?

Sarah: Fair!

Amanda: Yeah, I feel like this would work well now!

Sarah: Yes.

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: Very well right now.

Amanda: Those were my two that I had to talk about.

Sarah: Right. I have three to talk about real quick. First, right below Animal Attraction, three stars for Elizabeth Amber’s Dominic, which is the Lords of the Satyr series. The Lords of the Satyr, the first one is Nicholas. I read this book for a contest, and then I made Jane from Dear Author read it, and she, her review says something like, Sarah told me I had to read this, and I wondered what I’d done to make her mad.

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: So Nicholas, Lords of the Satyr is a hemipene. All of the characters have two penises, but the second penis only comes out once a month! It’s like a dick-centered menstrual cycle. They conjure women out of sand to have sex with because they have to satisfy the second peen. So finally he meets a, a girl who’s maybe part fey – there’s a whole bunch of stuff going on. And they’re going to Bone Town all the time ‘cause they’re married, and that’s great, but then his second penis has to show up, and she, she has to be introduced to the double penetration of the hemipenes, because this is, of course, how they seal their mating bond or whatever. And so she, she enjoys the, the hemipene experience. And then she’s lying there and she feels something, like, tickling her anus. And it’s this, I don’t know if it’s a creature, I don’t know if it’s an appendage –

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: – if it’s a third party, if it’s, like, you know, an ancillary piece of software. It is the Seeker, much like the ball in Harry Potter. The Seeker comes out from behind his testicles to come out and repair her anus tissues so they can do it again.

There’s also angry lesbian trees in this book? Like, this book has, if you just want to take an edible and read some incredible shit, this is the book for you. So that is in here, The Lords of Satyr. Satyr as in T-Y-R, not as in Passover.

I want to call out, on page 118, Reading Between the Lines by Lauren Dane. Lauren Dane gave me this issue ‘cause she’s in it.

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: She kept, I mean, smart thing! She kept all the ones that she’s in, and then she gave them all to me. So thank you, Lauren Dane!

The book that I picked that I want to talk about is Rode Hard, Put Up Wet by Lorelei James, four and a half stars, Erotic Romance. You don’t say.

>> The continuation of the Rough Riders not only gives readers the wild, sexy ride the title suggests, it delves into the emotions and motivations of both couples. Secondary characters complement the action of intertwining plots that consistently entertain. Sex acts, as I mentioned, include m/m, ménage, light bondage, and spanking. Definitely a keeper.

>> When Cash Big Crow hires on as Gemma’s foreman, it’s with the proviso that he share her bed. The mating dance of the past two years is over. Cash keeps her in the dark about his feelings, and she thinks it’s because of their ten-year age difference. His real reasons are a revelation. Both are amazed when his daughter Macie decides to hang around for the summer, but dismayed when she hooks up with one of the wild McKay men. Carter isn’t like his brother and tries to express his feelings for Macie through his art. Macie enjoys her status as muse, but he continues to disappear, leaving her unsure of their relationship.

Y’all, there is so much fucking in these books. It is hot, hot, fucking, like, yes, let us head to Bone Town immediately. It is such a hot series. So fucking good.

So I don’t even need to ask you if you would read any of these ‘cause we’ve already talked about – [laughs] – the books we read and loved. This, this issue was full of books that we want to read! I love it!

Amanda: Yeah, I added several. I think, like, I wound up adding, there are like four or five?

Sarah: Yes.

Amanda: Yeah!

Sarah: And this was a nice beefy reviews episode because we had so many books that we loved and wanted to talk about. This is a really good sweet spot for RT Rewind, because we’re both familiar with the books, and we can see how these books have influenced or, in some cases, carried on into the present day.

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: That’s so cool.

Well, we’ll be back in two weeks with the ads and features, and this is going to be a very special ads and features ‘cause I emailed Robin Schone of the cover, and she has replied to me with a truly extraordinary email, and I will share it in that episode. So come back in two weeks –

Amanda: Oooh!

Sarah: – and we’re going to talk about the ads and features, which are also pretty great. But until then, buh-bye!

Amanda: Bye!

[outro]

Sarah: And that brings us to the end of this week’s episode. Make sure to set a reminder for two weeks from now when we will be back in March 2009, discussing the ads and the features, and we have some delightful discussions ahead.

And as always, I end with a terrible joke. This joke is terrible, and that’s why I’m telling it to you.

What is the fastest male fruit?

Give up? What is the fastest male fruit?

Man-go.

But the slowest: draggin’ fruit.

[Laughs] I love imagining the groans, but I also love imagining you telling other people these jokes. So I hope you enjoyed that one. That was from ASK_ABT_MY_USERNAME. Thank you, ASK_ABT_MY_USERNAME. I won’t ask, but I appreciate that joke. Mango and dragon fruit. That would actually be a good name for, like, a café, right, Mango & Dragon Fruit? You’d probably get bubble tea there?

Either way, on behalf of everyone here, we wish you the very best of reading. Have a wonderful weekend; we’ll see you back here next week. And in the words of my favorite retired podcast Friendshipping, thank you for listening. You’re welcome for talking.

[end of music]