724. RT Rewind: May 1996 Ads & Features

[intro]

Sarah Wendell: Hello and welcome to episode number 724 of Smart Podcast, Trashy Books. I’m Sarah Wendell, Amanda is with me, the time machine is all charged up, and we’re headed back to May 1996 to take a look at the ads and features from Romantic Times magazine. It’s the late ‘90s, so you know that means incredible cover art. We also discover just how much creepy stuff Amanda currently owns; we have some debates about babies in romance; we talk about cheap conference hotel rooms, woman flamingos, and women ahead of their time.

Now, I don’t know if you are a video watcher for your podcasts, but the video for this episode has all of the visuals on-screen. There is a link in the show notes, and the covers are glorious.

And also, if you are listening with kids, we discuss childhood and the Tooth Fairy at about ten minutes in, and that segment lasts for about three minutes. So if the kids are around, you might want to skip that, as, well, spoilers.

And finally, to our European listeners in the middle of an awful heat wave: it is almost over. I am sending you icy cold wishes and cold drinks, and I know how hard it is, and I’m so sorry you are in this position. I hope that you can get some relief very soon.

I have a compliment this week. This compliment is for Meka.

Meka: A previously unheard type of music has been discovered written into medieval art depicting communities of people bringing kindness, blessings, joy, and sometimes hot biscuits into being simply by singing. This new music is called A-Meka.

If you would like a compliment of your very own or you would like to support this show, have a look at patreon.com/SmartBitches. You get the full PDF scan of every issue we recap, plus one of the most lovely Discord communities in the world. It would be lovely to have you join us: patreon.com/SmartBitches.

Okay, did you bring your overnight bag? Got your stuff, got your stuffies, got your comfy shoes? All right, let’s get into the time machine. Off we go: on with the podcast.

[music]

Sarah: Y’all, this is, this is such a bountiful ads and features, wouldn’t you say?

Amanda: Yeah. Definitely –

Sarah: There’s –

Amanda: – better than the, the review offerings, for sure.

Sarah: The, the, this is true of the ‘90s issues in general, I think. Like, every now and again I discover a book and I’m like, Oh, that’s cool! But for the most part, yeah, this, it’s, it’s mostly about the pictures, because these covers are amazing!

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: Shall we start with the cover of the magazine itself –

Amanda: Of course.

Sarah: – which is also –

Amanda: Of course we should.

Sarah: – amazing? Just tell me all your thoughts about this, because I just want to, I just want to hear what you think.

Amanda: Yeah, so the cover is Bobbi Smith’s Lady Deception. So the image is the stepback from the book. And –

Sarah: Yes, the cover is her, is this woman pointing a gun at him, which is – and it, and it gets better inside! [Laughs]

Amanda: And he’s shirtless, and the gun is aiming right at his hard nipple.

Sarah: Pew-pew!

Amanda: Yeah. And she’s got red hair, and shirt’s open a little bit. It’s a good cover, but we’ve talked before about, I think in the reviews episode we mentioned that Bobbi Smith was also another cover feature for her book Heaven, that had a cover model who looked like Hot Oates, as in Oates from Hall and Oates. So this feels particularly on-brand for Bobbi Smith? I did buy a copy of Heaven because of the cover. And this is for, this cover is for a book called Lady Deception, and I’m tempted to also buy this book for the cover for – [laughs] – Lady Deception. The actual cover in the book, which is also in an ad later, has her pointing her gun at him again, but they’re, like, in a desert and he’s still very much shirtless, and I really wish I could find a painting of it, because I would love to hang that up in my office. It looks so good.

But anyway, that’s the Bobbi Smith cover, and I fear that, like, it’s only going to get better. There are a lot of mullets. Sarah mentioned that this is like a top three RT cover so far? I think we should do a poll at some point to do what the best cover has been so far, if you agree.

Sarah: I love that idea.

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: I love this idea. Absolutely. We sh-, we could do like a whole, like a whole vote!

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: The thing I love about this cover is that she is mostly clothed.

Amanda: Yes!

Sarah: She has most of her clothes on. She’s got a shirt on; I mean, she’s got a little cleave, and she’s got a little vest, and she’s clearly got a skirt, but she is fully clothed, and he is shirtless, and like you said, his nipple is in danger.

Amanda: He’s shirtless on both the cover and the stepback.

Sarah: And she’s –

Amanda: Like, he’s just always shirtless –

Sarah: – pointing a gun at him on both!

Amanda: – and she’s always ready to shoot him.

Sarah: This is absolutely a top three cover for me. Like, I love Hot Oates. Hot Oates was a, was a true gift. And there’s a lot of great mustaches in early RTs, but this is such a good cover. Also, John De Salvo is really doing some acting in this cover. Like –

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: – like, his, his brow is furrowed, his lips are pursed. Like, he’s like, Why are you going to shoot my nipple? I don’t understand. Like, it’s so, such a good cover. Like, Bobbi Smith, she had dirt on somebody, because she got good covers. [Laughs]

Amanda: A very good cover.

Sarah: This is such a gift, this cover.

And then we move right into another gift.

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: Oh my God. I wrote in our document, “Creepy dolls, Amanda!”

Amanda: Which is perfect, ’cause I love a creepy doll.

Sarah: How have we not seen romance dolls before? Now, I have the Barbie set. If you actually would like, I can go grab it. I have the Barbie Jude Deveraux set with a very Quaalude- looking Barbie and a very, like –

Amanda: [Laughs] A Quaalude –

Sarah: No, seriously! Hang on. I’m going to just go in the, go in the closet and grab them, because, you know –

Amanda: Oh my God –

Sarah: – I keep them in a…

Amanda: – this is so exciting.

Sarah: Listen, they’re still in the box! Like, I don’t even take them out of the box. I’ve got no room on my desk for this box.

Amanda: They’re going to be worth millions one day.

Sarah: Like, this is next to my high school yearbook? Like, this, this is so important it’s on a shelf with my yearbook. But yeah –

Amanda: Oh my goodness.

Sarah: – look at this! Look at this. I’m trying to get it so it’s not so reflective. She’s just, she’s just doped out of her, out of her gourd.

Amanda: Oh yeah.

Sarah: He’s, he has a pe-, like a, like a makeup on beard, like it’s paint on his face to make it look like he has stubble.

Amanda: Oh no!

Sarah: His shirt is open and still tucked in. Like – and I don’t take these guys – can I get the lid off? All right, yeah, this’ll be much better for the camera. Just, just look at this.

Amanda: Look at them.

Sarah: Isn’t, isn’t that incredible? Look at all his hair! He’s got so much hair! I’ll put up the post I did where I, like, I took my phone camera –

Amanda: Very shiny hair, by the way.

Sarah: I took my phone camera when I got these like ten-plus years ago, and I got real close to them? You can even see – let me see if I can open his shirt – he has such abs? Look at those abs. Can you see all of this abdominal right here?

Amanda: Now does – now I’m assuming he’s got the Ken crotch treatment, where there’s nothing there.

Sarah: As I molest my doll. Yes –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – there is nothing there.

Amanda: Okay.

Sarah: But she’s got this gorgeous dress, and she’s just so, like, Ehhh. She’s, she’s Quaaluded, I swear. And it even comes with a little charm bracelet? I’m never taking these out of the box. Like, this is one of my prized possessions.

Amanda: Were there others in the series or just this one-off?

Sarah: I’ve never seen another! There was supp-, it’s supposed to be the Barbie romance novels collection, but I’ve never seen another one; I’ve only seen these guys.

Amanda: Just the one.

Sarah: Put them on my desk so they can watch over us as we record.

Amanda: Do you think, was it Bowling Green, would have any?

Sarah: Oh, that’s a good question! I wonder!

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: I should email them and ask. Every now and again I look –

Amanda: Of course –

Sarah: – on eBay and they’re like –

Amanda: – I search –

Sarah: – hundreds of dollars.

Amanda: – I search Barbie romance novels collection? The first search result?

Sarah: Yeah?

Amanda: The Smart Bitches post from 2013.

Sarah: We’re amazing. Look at, look at us and our SEO. Yep. That, that’s where I took the camera real close and was like, Look at this guy; look at his abs!

Amanda: It’s on eBay for three hundred and twenty-six dollars.

Sarah: I did not pay that much, but yes, they go for several hundred dollars, especially if they’re new in box? Yeah, this is a very limited edition collector’s piece that has actually –

Amanda: Crazy.

Sarah: It’s like, it’s like Lego arbitrage, where you buy a Lego set and then like two years later sell it new in box and get like five times what you paid for it? A viable source of revenue, by the way. 

Amanda: Wow.

Sarah: But yeah, I love this set so much.

But here on the inside cover, we have Cindy Guyer romance dolls.

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: And there’s an article inside that gets more into this, but basically, Cindy Guyer is the Romantic Times 1995 Cover Model of the Year, which is the first time I’m seeing this. And one news article called her the female Fabio?

Amanda: Yeah, I saw that and I was like, What? [Laughs]

Sarah: And so I looked on eBay to see if there are any of these dolls. And there are! You can get them for between thirty and sixty-five dollars.

Amanda: Yeah. I was really surprised that they weren’t more expensive, to be honest, but –

Sarah: Oh my God, you can get the Barbie, the Raider, the, the set that I have, but just the naked Barbie doll. With, with perfectly round, like half of a grapefruit bazooms.

Now, the Cindy Guyer romance doll ad has the designer of the doll and then Cindy herself. And there’s three of them: there’s Mackenzie, Cordelia, and Cynthia – all great names, by the way. But their dresses are like nightgowns! They’re, they’re so – they’re not even empire waist. There’s no waist! [Laughs] It’s just a ruffle and a triangle!

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: These dresses look very little-girly?

Amanda: They remind me, especially Mackenzie’s, reminds me of one of the American Girl Dolls dresses.

Sarah: Oh, that is so true. That is so true. Mackenzie has long blonde hair, and so does Cynthia, but Cordelia has long brown hair. And I’m wondering if these were inspired by specific books. It doesn’t really say.

But this ad is really something, and then you can turn to a later page in the magazine (which we will get to) to talk more about Cindy Guyer. What do, what do you think of this ad? You, are you going to start a creepy romance dolls collection?

Amanda: Probably not a romance dolls, but I do have creepy dolls in general? My friend Emma, her mom does estate sales, so she’s constantly, like –

Sarah: Oh, there’s so many creepy dolls in estate sales.

Amanda: Yeah! And, like –

Sarah: [Laughs] It’s like a whole, like, thing.

Amanda: – every Christmas she gives me some creepy shit, and I love it. Sometimes it’s not dolls. One time I got, like, it was a commemorative spoon from a fundraiser for a tuberculosis sanatorium, in Boston? So I’m like –

Sarah: I – those words in that order: a commemorative spoon from a fundraiser for a tuberculosis museum. That is the most incredible –

Amanda: No, it was a sanatorium! Where tuberculosis patients would go.

Sarah: That is just incredible as a, as an assemblage –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – of words. I just need you to know you’ve made my day so much better because of those words. Thank you. Anyway.

Amanda: Yeah, it was like some, like, ladies who lunch group that, and I think it’s from like the ‘40s or something. And then I also have, like, a jar of teeth, and Brian’s like, Whose teeth are those? I’m like –

Together: I don’t know –

Amanda: – but I have them! So I just get, like, weird, creepy shit. I’ve got, like, an old ventriloquist doll that’s missing his lower jaw.

Sarah: [Laughs]

Amanda: I’ve got a bunch of creepy little ceramic babies. Just a real hodgepodge of –

Sarah: I might need some –

Amanda: – nonsense stuff.

Sarah: I might need some pictures. I think people are going to want to see.

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: I think the people are going to be like, I need to see this, so show it to me!

Amanda: I don’t know where the spoon is, but I know where some of the creepy ceramic babies are.

Sarah: You want to hear about one of my mom fuckups?

Amanda: Oh boy.

Sarah: All right, so first of all, I want to say that the biggest scam in motherhood is the Tooth Fairy. It is such a fucking scam, because here’s the deal: you’re, you get a little baby, and then it grows teeth, and this is fucking agony for them and for you, especially molars, ‘cause molars give them diarrhea, and it’s just liquid diaper all day. And they’re in agony, and you can’t really do anything. They’re drooling, and they’re sick, and they got diarrhea, and their whole head hurts ‘cause they’re growing these teeth, and you go through the agony with them. You don’t sleep; you’re changing these nasty blowout diapers; it’s horrible. And then when they lose those teeth, they get money. I don’t get money! They get money. They get paid for the teeth that I went through agony with them. Like, I understand they grew the teeth, but I was awake and cleaning up the poop. I also should get money.

But our trick for the Tooth Fairy was to get two-dollar bills from the bank, because those are rare and cool, but not too much money. So I’ll just pass that along: two-dollar bills, great for the Tooth Fairy.

And the, our kid, my kids never figured out that the Tooth Fairy wasn’t real, and also, we’re not Christian, so, like the whole mythical creature coming in our house thing? Like this –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – is pretty much the only one. Like, there’s no, like, Hanukkah fairy. Although I did dye the toilet water green on St. Patrick’s Day and told the kids a leprechaun came in and took a piss.

Amanda: Oh my God!

Sarah: That was, like, Alex walked out and went, it’s green pee. It’s, it’s, it’s green pee. Dad, there’s green pee. Like, it was – boom – blew his mind. I think he was like five.

But I kept all their teeth, because what am I going to do with it? First of all, if you want to be super fucking creeped out, go on Etsy and see what people are making out of their baby’s teeth? It’s truly incredible.

Amanda: My mom would keep my teeth in, like, a little baggie in her, like, underwear drawer.

Sarah: I have them in a little box in my jewelry case, and my kids went looking for jewelry and were like, Mom, why do you have teeth? Oh my God! And I was like, Those are your teeth. No, that’s worse! They were screaming about it. So that was my big fuck up. I ruined the Tooth Fairy because I had a box of teeth. I should probably trigger warning this –

Amanda: What if –

Sarah: – start of this episode.

Amanda: What if I –

Sarah: If you have kids in the car and they believe in the Tooth Fairy, I’m really sorry. [Laughs]

Amanda: What if what I do is they put their little baby teeth, and I put one of the human adult teeth that I have – [laughs] – in a jar under the pillow instead?

Sarah: Your kid is going to be so cool. They’re going to come in with, like, a necklace with a whole tooth with, like, the long molars, like all four of them just hanging around their neck. What’s that?

Amanda: It’s like, Oh, I thought –

Sarah: Tooth Fairy gave –

Amanda: – we were trading baby teeth for adult teeth. [Laughs]

Sarah: Tooth Fairy gave it to me! What, you didn’t get a whole tooth for your – I don’t know what to tell you! Oh my God, that’s funny.

Amanda: [Happy sigh]

Sarah: So moving on from teeth – oh my God. On page 3, PDF page 3 – I got the page number wrong in the documents – Sorry! – Desert Hearts by Marjorie Farrell. Now, this is –

Amanda: Horse.

Sarah: – this is a –

Amanda: Horse alert.

Sarah: Horse, big horse. This is the period of the magazine when most of it is black and white, which is terrible, and then there’s a, there’s a centerfold that’s color, and then the cover and inside images and the back cover and the back inside, those are color. The rest of the magazine is black and white and blue – they have one color accent through the whole thing. So this cover caught my eye ‘cause it’s black and white? And I was like, Oh, this looks interesting, because they look like they’re about to fall off that horse, and that guy looks like he’s wearing athletic pants, like the kind from Adidas that you can, like, rip them off?

Amanda: Yeah, I was like, This is supposed to be set in 1854, and he’s got tear-away track pants.

Sarah: This is what I say! [Sputters] What is this pants, like, from Adidas?

Amanda: And she’s, like, in, like, an aerobics leotard. That’s what it reminds me of.

Sarah: It’s very strange. It’s very strange. So I found the cover. If you open up the links to the side, they’re –

Amanda: The colors aren’t helping. The colors make it worse!

Sarah: No, the colors do not help. So my favorite eBay seller – I think it’s, what is it? What is it? Love to something – Live4Art. Live, number four, art on eBay, you are my hero because you take a picture of every single romance novel that you’re selling, so I have a high-rays, high-res image, and it’s always the same lace tablecloth. I just, I salute you; I hope you have a wonderful day. We have a close-up of Desert Hearts. The whole back is orange. Like you said, this is the Western Frontier in 1854 with a Boston socialite, a dashing Irish immigrant, and discover that their desire to help the Navajos is matched by their desire for each other. They’re wearing ‘80s clothing.

Amanda: Yeah, one hundred percent.

Sarah: This horse is looking to toss them. I don’t know how, where are her legs? I don’t see her legs. She’s got some kind of purple jacket that’s off her shoulders. She’s wearing a tank top, and she has no legs, and he’s wearing – [laughs] – track pants! It’s like the year of the Mr. Romance pageant at RT when one of the Mr. Darcys was just wearing black, like, Champion sweats.

Amanda: Yeah!

Sarah: This is tr-, I, I can’t wait to share this ‘cause it’s incredible. Also, she has pink lipstick?

Amanda: Yeah! The color makes it even more confusing.

Sarah: Nothing about this says frontier historical, 1854.

Amanda: No!

Sarah: This says, like, 1982 is what this says. This is very 1982. I love it.

On PDF page 6, it’s Flavia Knightsbridge Under the Covers. It’s a very long spread, and I don’t know if you’re aware of the hog brothers, but they’re back.

Amanda: No, I don’t know who the fuck the hog brothers are. [Laughs]

Sarah: Okay.

Amanda: And as someone who grew up in, like, north backwoods Florida, I don’t think I want to know the hog brothers.

Sarah: So th, this is not feral hogs. This is not, you know, thirty to fifty feral hogs. This is actual guys who own a hog farm in Nebraska. The Bartling brothers are actual hog farmers from Nebraska, and they, for a while, all three of them were very famous romance novel cover models. They got a lot of media attention, and they were very, very popular, especially at RT, ‘cause they’re, like, three hot guys with long hair, and they know a lot about hog farming.

Amanda: Hogs.

Sarah: So I was like, Where are the Hog Brothers now?

Amanda: Oh no.

Sarah: Article is from 2010, so it’s quite a long time back.

Amanda: Oh boy. Sorry, I just –

Sarah: You just looked at the picture! [Laughs] Oh no!

Amanda: I don’t –

Sarah: Is it –

Amanda: When Sarah puts in links, I do not look at them before we record.

Sarah: No, we don’t google or look at links until – you get our live reaction. Aren’t you lucky?

Amanda: Wowee!

Sarah: Yep.

Amanda: Wow!

Sarah: So this is Kurt and Jim Bartling. They were famous for modeling on romance novels in the early ‘90s. Story checks out, but the headline is Tough Times for Unadilla’s Hog Hunks. They are very upset with the cost of feed at this time? This is 2010, too. They are very upset with the cost of running their farm, and they did all of this stuff, and then they went back to their farm because they needed to be back in their family business. They were very happy to go back to farming, because they said they found that it’s very much a dog-eat-dog business.

>> You got everybody trying to pull money out of your pocket. I didn’t want to do that for the rest of my life, so we had family and we came back. We went back to our roots and –

They are very upset about how expensive it is to feed their hogs. In 1999, they had five hundred sows. Now they have two thousand, with two farms in Burr and Johnson.

I don’t know where they are today. I don’t know if they’re still in operation? What does it say? The name is the Bartling Brothers Farm. Okay, do you think they’re still in business?

Amanda: Yes.

Sarah: Oh! Bartling Family Pork. They are still in operation, and they’ve, well, they have a lot of pork. About Us –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: The history of their farm, how it all started, but the hunky models don’t seem to be there on the, on the website.

Amanda: No!

Sarah: But yeah, they went back to hog farming after all of this. But you can see, like, they’re hold-, in this picture, they’re holding Lauren Hutton up in the air.

Amanda: Ho boy.

Sarah: Now, I actually read this section of this page to Ashley Poston, in an episode that I recorded this week because we were talking about how much marketing authors have to do for their own books, especially now? And I’m just going to read this, and your jaw’s going to drop. Okay.

>> Robert Gottlieb, agent extraordinaire at William Morris, made a mega deal for Kat Martin at St. Martin’s. The negotiations included the release of a new book every six months, a la Jo-, Johanna Lindsey’s schedule, and major television promotion for all of her books. TV ads for Midnight Writer began appearing in February on the Lifetime Channel; on Oprah Winfrey in New York, LA, and Chicago; and on Good Morning America. Deal was for two historicals and one contemporary.

Imagine making a book deal where part of the deal is that you get television promotion.

Amanda: Wow.

Sarah: Mind-blowing. Also, that, I, Ashley and I discussed this: if you actually booked ads on, like, Roku or you know, your streaming service with a little QR code, Hey, after you’re, before you go to bed, download this book! Like, that ad on that diner plas-, placemat has been, that I found in New York, has been in place for ages. Little QR code, get a free book to read while you’re eating. People are like, I found that like five, six years ago! That must still be working.

Amanda: Yeah. But also on this page is –

Sarah: I’m so glad you pulled this out. I was like, Oh, this is too much, Sarah. Please tell me!

Amanda: [Giggles] – is a little mention: so author Sherryl Woods apparently had a book and antiques business in Colonial Beach, Virginia, that was called Potomac Sunrise? And the address is listed, but when I –

Sarah: Mm-hmm.

Amanda: – Google Maps-ed it, it’s definitely not there anymore. It was showing like a house? But next door to the house is a restaurant called Margarita Restaurant, and across the street is a food stand called the Pink Poodle!

Sarah: The Pink Poodle!

Amanda: I couldn’t find any record of –

Sarah: I couldn’t either!

Amanda: – Potomac Sunrise.

Sarah: I googled. I was like, Oh, this is cool; I wonder if it’s still in business. ‘Cause I always google the bookstores that are mentioned –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – in the magazine. Nothing here!

Amanda: No. Couldn’t find it.

Sarah: Yeah, it’s just on a, it’s just on a street. You’re right. I wonder if it was, like, in that house? Maybe that was the antique shop?

Amanda: Maybe?

Sarah: I don’t know. Well, I hope it was successful while it was open.

On page 7, there is a mention of T-shirts, and I am so into this.

>> Gail Swenson and Roberta Stone, owners of Great Romance Specialties, a California company that specializes in T-shirts depicting romance novel cover art, are proud to announce that their second design will be from Janis Reams Hudson’s Apache Flame.

Did I find one? Yes. Yes, I did. There’s an eBay link to the side. Amanda, I need to know if you want to own this shirt and if you would wear it in public, because it is literally the cover! [Laughs] It just says Apache Flame, and then there’s a model with long hair and some fringy pants and no shirt and a woman in period dress. Would you wear this in public?

Amanda: No!

Sarah: It’s only fifteen dollars, Amanda!

Amanda: No.

Sarah: [Laughs] Also, there’s a mention here that Karen Monk’s book has been placed on the syllabus of Ottawa’s Carleton University, and as someone who’s had their book on a university syllabus about romance, that’s pretty fucking cool and also extremely humbling. ‘Cause you’re like, Wow, these students are all going to find my typos. Great!

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: So what about you? What, what, what did you want to point out on this page that I completely missed, now that you pointed it out? Holy shit! [Laughs]

Amanda: I mean, there is like a little cutout from a cover, I’m assuming.

>> You may recall that Sean O’Brien posed for two covers in New York. Well, the first cover art is in, and it’s gorgeous. Held captive in Sean’s arms is RT’s Lynda Ryan. Editors at Kensington have slotted it to appear on Anne Stuart’s The Prince of Swords, due out next September.

Sarah: Oh!

Amanda: >> However, since the publishers are after a new look for Anne – translation: no clinches on the cover – the artwork will appear somewhere other than the front cover. Also, look for Sean and Lynda’s pose on postcards and other promotional items.

>> Sean’s second cover, this time with Cindy Guyer, will adorn Barbara Bennedict’s The Enchantress next December.

I don’t know which book this is from, but it’s like a man – is he wearing tartan? I think he’s got a kilt on –

Sarah: Yeah.

Amanda: – and there’s, like, a woman in a dress. She’s hiking up her dress, you can see all the way to the curve of her butt cheek –

Sarah: Oh yeah, there is much, much flank, very flank.

Amanda: – and she’s, like, leaning over him, and he’s getting a face full of her cleavage.

Sarah: [Laughs] And what is she standing on? She’s like –

Amanda: I don’t know!

Sarah: – she’s a full head taller than him, and her leg is bent ninety degrees, which he’s lifting up to, like, his underarm. Like, that’s where she is. His, her knee is at his underarm, and he is just right in her bazongas.

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: Incredible.

A couple of things that I just cannot let pass by without mention. In the letters to the editor, there is the revelation that during a winter blackout, Kathryn has a sauna in her office. The heat went out at night –

Amanda: That – [sighs]

Sarah: – during the blizzard of ‘96, which was a major blizzard, and she had a sauna in her office, and that’s where she was when it got too cold at night. I just, okay! Sure. Absolutely. No question.

And then on page 10, Lady Deception. Amanda, this kind of sounds like a book series that would be for you.

Amanda: No, I completely agree. So I looked it up on Goodreads, and this is book one in a series called Women Ahead of Their Time?

Sarah: This is such Amanda bait.

Amanda: And book two has a riverboat gambler heroine, and I’m like –

Sarah: Ooh!

Amanda: – Tell me more!

Sarah: Damn!

Amanda: Yeah, no. So Sarah’s completely right: this sounds pretty sweet.

Sarah: I wonder if she, if the heroine of this book actually does shoot his nipple off?

Amanda: That would be –

Sarah: It’s on the cover! Maybe it happens in the book!

Amanda: – that’d be so sweet.

Sarah: Like, maybe it’s, maybe it’s an accurate representation. But in, in Lady Deception, she is a bounty hunter. No one knows that it’s a woman, ‘cause her name is Cody. No one knows what she looks like, and because she’s a woman, she disguises herself as a preacher, as a nun, as a dance hall girl. She is good at being overlooked. I love this. So cool.

Amanda: Yeah, so, trying to think. Where’s the other one? I mean, book three has some, you know, not great depictions of indigenous people.

Sarah: [Sighs] It is of the time, unfortunately.

Amanda: For sure.

Sarah: Yep. That’s what’s the – when you open a ‘90s RT, you know you’re going to see really exploitative images of Native Americans. It’s…

Amanda: But the first two books sound pretty cool.

Sarah: I mean, the, the cover of The Lady’s Hand, again, he’s mostly undressed and she’s got all her clothes on, and she’s holding all the cards.

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: Wait a minute.

Amanda: Uh-oh.

Sarah: Okay, look at the cover for Outlaw’s Lady by Bobbi Smith. He looks like he’s going downtown. And she’s a lady judge. Your honor, question!

[Laughter]

Amanda: Also, what is she wearing?

Sarah: A crop top and – she looks like Mary Ann from Gilligan’s Island! She’s got a little crop top –

Amanda: That does not look –

Sarah: – and some shorts.

Amanda: – historical.

Sarah: No.

Amanda: Anyway, the series sounds neat, is all I’m saying.

Sarah: This series sounds like it’s totally up your street.

Amanda: Yeah, and then as part of the article, there’s a, like, fuller picture of the cover where she’s, like, holding him at gunpoint in, like, this field, and I’m like, How can I get this painting? This looks –

Sarah: It’s a Pino.

Amanda: – awesome!

Sarah: It would be a gorgeous painting. And there’s suggestive upright trees, hollyhocks, and a whole plateau and mesa in the back.

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: Like, a lot of erections in this, and she’s got it, she’s got the gun!

Amanda: She’s got two guns!

Sarah: She does. She has two guns and a big gun belt, and he’s still shirtless. His ass –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – looks good, though. Like, the way the light plays over his butt cheek there is pretty impressive. That’s incredible.

Amanda: On page actually 13 of the PDF –

Sarah: Yeah.

Amanda: – there’s a little section called Bizz Buzz –

Sarah: Yeah.

Amanda: – with Kathryn Falk. And it starts off with a mention of some, like, new or, like, prominent mystery series that follow –

Sarah: Mm-hmm!

Amanda: – detectives, and I saw that the medieval monk Brother Cadfael series got a mention, which I know –

Sarah: Yay!

Amanda: – Sarah loves.

Sarah: I love those books. I save them because they’re very slow. I mean, it’s medieval; they can’t get anywhere quickly? They’re very slow and very atmospheric. I save them for when I’m like, I really need help. Cadfael, save me.

Amanda: Yeah, we’re talking about, like –

Sarah: I love that –

Amanda: – detectives with unlikely professions.

Sarah: Yep. Roman sleuth Marcus Didius Falco, 1940 detective Toby Peters from Stuart Kaminsky’s series, a DA and a Rutgers grad – okay, sure!

Amanda: Yeah!

Sarah: Oh, an antique connoisseur, Lovejoy. I love it when a, when a sleuth has a cool, has a cool job. Like, that’s, that’s, that’s always fun.

On PDF 14, my comment here is, Amanda, what the fuck?

Amanda: Yeah, this was we- – I mean, we knew we were going to talk about this.

Sarah: It’s, it’s par for the course for the magazine at this time. They have these articles called Lifestyles of the Rich & Romantic, further, you know, enforcing the idea that publishing a romance novel is going to make you rich and that this magazine was very invested in making celebrities out of the authors. And one of the ways they do that is house tours, and Shirl Henke is straight up naked in her bathtub in this picture.

Amanda: Yeah, I was like, I hope that the RT crew didn’t come to her house and take these shots? I hope that, you know, maybe she offered this up as a shot, ’cause wow, that’s awkward.

Sarah: I mean, it’s a nice bathtub. She’s got little candles on the side, she’s holding a glass of wine, and she’s in bubbles, but she is – I mean, maybe she’s got a strapless bathing suit on, but she’s in the bathtub. And I’m just like, what a weird – [sighs] – what a weird thing to present. But at –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – at the time, this was like, look how lucky she is! She’s got that big old tub! And then there’s pictures of her house and pictures of her living room and pictures of the garden and the Florida room. Like, it’s very much house tour of the rich and famous, but it’s romance authors. The bathtub, I was not expecting. Not at all.

Amanda: So on, yeah, on page 18, they do a few of these where it’s sort of like a spotlight on an author’s new or upcoming release or something.

Sarah: Yeah.

Amanda: And there’s a, a call-out section that says, “She’s a misfit in breeches who butts heads with an English earl.” And the phrase misfit in breeches makes me wish that our site was like Reddit and you can have, like, a piece of flair –

Sarah: [Laughs]

Amanda: – like, under your name? ‘Cause I thought “misfit in breeches” would be a good piece of flair to have on the site! [Laughs]

Sarah: I need to know –

Amanda: Sarah’s like, Oh no, how can we get flair on the site?

Sarah: How do I get flair on the comments? Because that would be so fucking fun. Okay, I’m going to have to look –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – into that and see if I can do it, ‘cause that’s a whole, that’s probably a whole plug-in and a whole setup.

Amanda: Oh my gosh, yeah.

Sarah: But I mean, I am using WordPress and in-house comments. I’m sure there’s a plug-in somewhere. What would your flair be? Would it be “misfit in breeches?”

Amanda: I think that’s where I would start.

Sarah: Somebody’s going to choose –

Amanda: We’d have to see, like, what –

Sarah: – glistening orifice.

Amanda: Oh my God, that’s another one.

Sarah: Remember that descript-, description of Anita Blake, glistening orifice? There’s a new Merry Gentry coming out! Can you believe that?

Amanda: I know! The penultimate one, so there’s one more in the chamber!

Sarah: Wow.

Amanda: We talked about, I think, like, the, one of the first Merry Gentry books we talked about in an RT.

Sarah: Yep.

Amanda: ‘Cause we talked about Sholto, I remember that. He was my favorite!

Sarah: I mean, fuck Sholto! Poor guy never got any action ‘cause everyone was weirded out by his tentacles, and now he would be like the hottest one!

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: Justice for Sholto!

Amanda: Like, definitely a precursor to why choose and monster romances.

Sarah: Oh, hundred percent.

Amanda: I feel like Merry Gentry walked, so the – oh my God, what is that series? I’m goo- –

Sarah: Ice Planet Barbarians?

Amanda: No. No. – so the Lady of Rooksgrave Manor could run.

Sarah: A hundred percent, you’re right there. Yeah.

Amanda: That’s where I’m at.

Sarah: No question. Hundred percent.

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: So true. Like, I love how everyone’s like – [gasps] – There’s monster fucking! And I’m like, Yep!

Amanda: Yeah!

Sarah: Ellora’s Cave was founded by Jaid Black because she wrote romances where aliens came to Earth and kidnapped women to bring them back to their planet because they needed them to have sex! Does that sound familiar? I mean, everything new is, is not new.

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: On page 23, just real quick, I just want to say hey, Nora’s blonde in this one. She’s got a beautiful blonde hairdo and a big, gorgeous necklace, and she’s talking about True Betrayals! We’re back in the oxymoron titles at this point.

Amanda: Didn’t even recognize her.

Sarah: I know, totally different. Totally different. Have you seen the YouTube video of, it’s a, it’s a TikTok and a, and a reel and like a promo video for a library, and there’s two librarians playing Nora Bingo?

Amanda: Yes!

Sarah: So they each have a bunch of Nora Roberts hardcovers facing them with the author photo, and they’re like – it was Go Fish! Wasn’t, it wasn’t Bingo; it was Go Fish. Do you have Nora in a leather jacket? Go fish.

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: Do you have Nora Roberts in a desert? Oh, fine. And they hand over the book! It’s so clever, so clever! I will find it and link to it.

On page 26, okay, I need you to know I did a deep dive into this, and I came up largely empty-handed.

Amanda: Oooh! Okay.

Sarah: There is a huge discussion carrying on in the Forum about cowboy books and books with babies. So –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – two episodes – or, two episodes – two issues prior, apparently there was an article or discussion about why are there all of a sudden all these babies in romance? And, like, I hate them, I love them, it’s great. Well, then the discussion carried on into the next issue, which I do have, but that was people writing in to say, I too hate babies in romance. Now we’re in the May issue, and there are people writing in to say, I love babies in romance! And the comment from RT is:

>> We are finally hearing from those readers who do love romances that feature children. We suspected that we hadn’t heard from you all because you’ve all been too busy with your kids!

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: Ouch! [Laughs] So there’s a huge debate going on in this magazine in, in this issue, the issue prior, the issue prior to that, where they’re all arguing about, about babies in romance. It’s like a message board before message boards! It’s, it’s like the internet is start-, like the fandom, the fandom ha-, stuff is happening in the magazine. It’s not happening online.

Amanda: Well, I thought the very first letter, who’s talking about the cowboy one –

Sarah: Yes.

Amanda: – they were talking about how they would be sad if, like, publishing went all in on cowboys and they became the only available historicals because they appreciate variety.

Sarah: Mm-hmm.

Amanda: And they’re like:

>> To editors and publishers, please continue to give us the magnificent swashbucklers, knights, soldiers, Vikings, Indians, vampires, and Regency rakes we’ve always loved. It is a huge mistake to think a few blockbuster Westerns or the current popularity of country music means that all your future ho-, future horse, future historicals need to be Westerns.

And I’m like, yeah, I mean –

Sarah: Sheila.

Amanda: – good to know publishing loves to go all in on one thing, even in the mid ‘90s. [Laughs]

Sarah: This letter was from Sheila Clemet or Clemett from Astoria, New York, and Sheila, I just want to say I’m real sorry to report from the future that that is exactly what publishing is still doing. Let me tell you about –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – rrromantasy –

Amanda: Oh boy.

Sarah: – and dragons and very special small, smol heroines with secret magical powers. Yeah, we’re, that, we’re, we’re in a trend. I, I love how prescient that letter is. Like, it could predict the future.

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: And then the baby/kids romance debate continues for two pages. There are letter after letter of people like, I don’t understand what the problem is; I love kids in romances. And Frances Jouppe of Valleyford, Washington, makes several good points, and she had to take up her, her pen, or actually word processor keyboard.

Amanda: [Snorts]

Sarah: That’s the era that we’re in.

>> What’s wrong with babies and children? Most of these children feature men that are mature, thirty-five or older. Now, what kind of mature men can’t handle children?

I’m visiting you from the future to tell you many cannot.

>> What kind of a man can’t appreciate the utter charm of seeing life anew through the eyes of a child?

Okay. But point two:

>> After sowing his wild oats and gaining experience with women on three continents, these guys have to have a virgin? I would rather read about a thirty-five-year-old man dealing with a woman twenty-five years or older with a child than a thirty-five-year-old man who insists on a seventeen- or eighteen-year-old virgin. Is it just me, or is there something wrong with that picture?

Girl, it is not just you! [Laughs] This was like trying to find deleted tweets, like trying to trace the origin –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – of this view, of this, like, kerfuffle? It was like find-, finding deleted tweets. I have the prior issue, there’s a little bit in there, but I don’t have the one that’s before that. So I have to add it to my list of things to find? Because th-, this article must have been a banger if they’re still going off about it –

Amanda: Yeah!

Sarah: – two months later.

Amanda: What is it? I’m trying to – it’s RT 144.

Sarah: Mm-hmm.

Amanda: So –

Sarah: Yeah. And this is, what, is this issue one-forty, is this 146? Let me look at the cover. Yeah, this is 146. I have 145; I do not have 144. But I will keep –

Amanda: Okay.

Sarah: – I will keep an eye out.

Amanda: On the hunt.

Sarah: I’m on the hunt! I’m going to get it! I’m going to find it, and I’m going to, like, bring it to all of you, because this sounds really, really juicy, actually!

On PDF page 28, there is a mention of something. This is, I just want to remind everybody, this is 1996! 1996. This is an article about Marsha Canham, an author who is on tour. But this, this particular paragraph:

>> Marsha was then brought to a romance specialty store in Morris Plains, New Jersey, I’ll Take Romance, owned by Marianne and Jim Clarke.

They had a whole party for Marsha Canham. But there was a romance specialty store in the ‘90s in Morris Plains. I’ve never heard anyone talking about this before.

Amanda: Wow.

Sarah: I’m so excited. Now, I did look: is it still there? No, but there is a romance bookstore in Morris Plains. It’s called Rosebound Books. It is North Jersey’s romance and rrromantasy bookstore! And they have a lot of events coming up. I will link them in the show notes!

Amanda: Did you see that last paragraph, that Marsha later had a slumber party at Kathe Robin’s?

Sarah: At Kathe Robin’s! Where they stayed all night talking. Ohhh, I bet they did, ‘cause Kathe Robin would love to talk to people about romance. She’s, she’s re-, read all the historicals – like, all of them. I, I am, I am just loving the idea that there was a romance specialty bookstore in 1996. Like, that’s just –

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: – that’s just, everything old is new again.

And then we get to a major article. Now, I will say there is a crossword puzzle in this issue. It is very difficult, and I put it on Patreon, but it’s free if you would like to try to do the, do the crossword. It’s very hard because it’s like, This author of this book, and it’s nothing you’ve heard of.

But then, oh my goodness. What did you think of this article on the theme spotlight, Amanda?

Amanda: I thought this was cool, and I –

Sarah: This is –

Amanda: – liked this feature a lot.

Sarah: I love this. I think it’s so funny.

Amanda: But I was, like, thinking about it; I was like, I feel like we’ve done something similar –

Sarah: Mm-hmm.

Amanda: – with the, like, Ready, Set, Go feature where we could only recommend one book –

Sarah: Of a specific trope –

Amanda: – on a certain, like – yeah.

Sarah: – or type or yeah. Like, just one –

Amanda: And this one is –

Sarah: – two divorcees or whatever.

Amanda: Yeah, and this one is, the theme is kidnapping.

Sarah: Oh my God. This is such a rich text, as the women say. This is by Kate Ryan, who was a regular with RT magazine. And the, th-, this whole article is a gift. If you, like, if you want to join the Patreon to read the magazine, it’s just going to be for this article? It is about why readers love reading about kidnapping stories. The first paragraph:

>> In a real life kidnapping scenario, the kidnapper is an abductor, a terrorist. The experience is terrifying and leaves the ab-, abductee emotionally scarred for life. But peculiarly, it is very common for kidnap victims to fall in love with their captors.

That’s not actually a thing.

>> Look at the famous case of socialite political dissenter Patty Hearst, or the kidnapping of Helen of, Helen of Troy.

>> Being kidnapped or made love to by a stranger is a very common fantasy for most women, and a fantasy is what romance novels deliver.

And it takes a deep dive into the kidnapping trope. Then there’s a whole reading list. But I will say, at the top – would you like to read the paragraph at the top? Because it’s just filled with words we don’t use anymore.

Amanda: Oh boy.

Sarah: [Laughs]

Amanda: Oh no. [Clears throat]

>> Kidnapping: sheikhs, Native Americans, pirates, and highwaymen. These are the kidnappers that romance readers dream of. But it is –

Sarah: Really? [Laughs]

Amanda: Apparently!

>> But it isn’t only the hero who does the kidnapping in readers’ favorite books. Often the heroine is guilty of the crime. Why the need to abduct? Usually revenge. The hero or heroine’s reputation is at stake. In order to save their good name, they must abduct the true villain’s kin. But sometimes it is simply because the heroine or hero is just too desirable to resist. Listed below are some of our readers’ favorite titles on this very popular romance theme.

Sarah: I love this feature. I, I wish there were more of these. Catherine Coulter and Julie Garwood are quoted because they’ve both written kidnapping stories? But Catherine Coulter says – this is so funny – “If the hero goes to the trouble of kidnapping the heroine, she’s got him forever.” And I mean, honestly, that’s true. If he goes to the trouble of kidnapping you, he’s very interested. I guess that is a good measure.

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: Do you have a favorite kidnapping book? I think, I was like, What’s my favorite kidnapping book? before I looked at the list, and I was like, Probably Perfect by Judith McNaught, because this guy escapes prison; he’s an actor and he’s escaped prison after being wrongly convicted, and he kidnaps, like, a young school teacher and takes her hostage. And they fall in love and clear his name. And I looked, and yes, that’s, that’s on this list, which is good and appropriate, because it’s, it’s definitely a good kidnapping book. Do you have a good, famous kidnapping book?

Amanda: So I’m trying to think. I read a lot of Anne Stuart’s romantic suspense books?

Sarah: A lot of kidnapping.

Amanda: A lot of kidnapping there. Or often, like, I feel like it’s kidnapping adjacent, where, like, the heroine sees something she shouldn’t see, and so the hero, like, takes her with him because she’s like –

Sarah: Mm-hmm.

Amanda: – I don’t quite know what to do with you. And then there’s another one – I’m looking it up, ‘cause I know I reviewed it, and I think we’ve talked about it before. Yeah, I don’t know if this necessarily classifies as a kidnapping, ‘cause I, it’s been a while since I remembered it.

Sarah: Mm-hmm.

Amanda: But the heroine – it’s In Bed with the Billionaire by Jackie Ashenden. The heroine is a hit woman, and –

Sarah: Yes.

Amanda: – she’s been trying to get close to the hero for revenge.

Sarah: Right.

Amanda: And I don’t know if she kidnaps him or not, but I know there’s a scene where she, like, definitely has him restrained and has beaten the shit out of him. And I’m like –

Sarah: [Laughs]

Amanda: – give me more of this.

Sarah: I love it!

Amanda: So those are the ones that stick out in my mind? I mean, like, I’ve read, I think the most recent one was The Lady and the Orc? And I’m working on a review of that one, by Finley Fenn, where the hero, the orc, takes the heroine captive. And that was fine. I thought the worldbuilding was interesting, and I’m more interested in the secondary characters that are getting their own books.

Sarah: Mm-hmm.

Amanda: But that one was okay.

Sarah: Among the books that are on this list include The Windflower by Laura London, also known as Sharon and Tom Curtis. That book is so unique. It is so, the writing is very different from most historical romances of the time. It’s very dense, and there’s a lot of imagery, and it’s going to very slowly reveal the plot, but it’s great, it’s a really good classic. But also, The Sheik by E. M. Hull is on this list? That is not a romance, as far as I know. Then I noticed Taboo by Julia Fitzgerald. Look at that!

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: What is happening here?

Amanda: [Whispers] I don’t know!

Sarah: It is, it is quite something, because she’s wearing, like – I don’t even know what she’s wearing, but it’s, her boobs are out; like, her boobs, her cleaves are showing. And she’s being pressed back into the grass, but it looks like she has no midsection. She’s just breasts and hips. Like, there’s no –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – she has, she has no abdomen.

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: So, especially given the size of her face, her legs should be farther away! [Laughs] I will put it in the show notes; don’t worry. It’s a wild cover. I don’t know what that book is about; I’m just transfixed by the fact that she has no waist.

I am curious, though, if you’re listening, what was your favorite, favorite kidnapping story? Do you have a favorite kidnapping romance?

I think you should read, by the way, Amanda, I think you should read the little blue bar at the bottom?

Amanda: Okay. Oh boy. Ooh! Okay.

>> Upcoming themes planned include Nursing Back to Health –

Sarah: Hot.

Amanda: >> – Twins –

Sarah: Okay!

Amanda: >> – Beauty and the Beast –

Sarah: Cool.

Amanda: >> – and Disguised as a Male.

Sarah: Oh my God, every heroine in a historical was wearing like a twelve-year-old boy’s breeches. Like, please come on: what eighteen-year-old –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – girl is going to fit in a twelve-year-old guy’s breeches? Like, what are these, what are you doing? But there was so much disguised as a male.

Amanda: And then they, like, invite them, like send us your list –

Sarah: Yep.

Amanda: – of favorites from these themes, include a few sentences, and then they say, Be sure to include the publisher and setting and your name and phone number.

Sarah: I’m not doing all that research! There’s no Google –

Amanda: Are they –

Sarah: – at this time!

Amanda: Are they going to call you? Are they going to call you if it –

Sarah: Yes, hi, it’s RT. We want to talk to you about this kidnapping book or this Beauty and the Beast book you sent in. Like, I don’t know. Name and phone number. I don’t know, maybe they were just –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – collecting the info. Maybe this is a very early info grab.

Skipping ahead to page 33, in the Networking column by Kate Ryan, there is mention of the Audio Publishers Association offering their very first audiobooks award, the Audies.

>> The winners will be announced in June 1996 at the annual audio publishers convention in Chicago a few days before the American Booksellers Convention.

This is the first Audies!

Amanda: Wow.

Sarah: And that’s, like, a prestigious award now. Like, narrators are very excited to win the Audie. I think that’s so cool!

And on page 34, I’m so mad that this ad isn’t in cover – in color, excuse me. This is Bertrice Small’s Wild Jasmine, and this is just a hodgepodge of colonizing other cultures’ fashions is basically what this is.

Amanda: Also, that man looks dead.

Sarah: Oh, he definitely looks dead. And then if you look at it in color, he looks even more dead because he’s –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – green. He’s green! And she’s wearing some purple-trimmed dress, but the – is that a lehenga? I guess that’s – I mean, I can’t see the skirt, but the top makes it, and the, and the dupatta makes it look like it’s, it’s a lehenga? Look at how long her hair is.

Amanda: That is so long.

Sarah: It is down to her knees. It is the entire side of the page. [Laughs] How – she’s got like Crystal Gayle hair times ten! How long do you think it takes her to brush that? Maybe that’s what she used to kill him! She killed him with her hair! [Laughs]

Amanda: I can’t imagine, like, having to wash that and how long it takes to dry? Mm-mm!

Sarah: God, it’s so much!

And you wanted to talk about page 47. I am so glad –

Amanda: Yeah!

Sarah: – you mentioned this.

Amanda: There’s a, an ad on the right-hand side that says, You got books, books, books? Then you gotta get Boss.

Sarah: [Snorts]

Amanda: And – [laughs] – it says:

>> Boss, a Windows format program, keeps track of the books in your collection and everything about them. From title, author, and type to publishers, pseudonyms, series, synopsis, and more. Don’t wonder about a title or author when all you remember is the story? With Boss, simply check your synopsis, print reports by author, title, setting, type, theme, series, and publishers. Not just for romance readers, with Boss, you can classify books any way you want.

And it is $79.95 with $5 shipping and handling. So, like –

Sarah: So you’re getting like a, like a floppy disk here.

Amanda: – eighty-five bucks. I also did inflation: so that would cost a hundred and eighty dollars in today’s money for this book cataloging software.

Sarah: Oh my God. And computers are, like, a new thing –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – at this point, right? Like, that’s wild.

Amanda: I feel like eighty-five bucks is a lot of money for –

Sarah: That’s a lot of –

Amanda: – book cataloging software.

Sarah: That’s a lot of money. That’s a great deal of money.

Amanda: And then on 56, they have this feature about Adrian Paul: Warrior at Heart for the new Highlander TV series.

Sarah: Yes. I remember this.

Amanda: So Highlander, definitely before my time. I was only vaguely aware of the movies because my dad watched them, and I remember, like, the quote of “There can only be one”? And I did not know a TV series existed. So I was very curious, for people who were familiar with the series or movies or whatever, like, how popular were these? I didn’t think that they were necessarily, like, a romance or, like –

Sarah: Well, I know the first Highlander was like a cult favorite. Like, I –

Amanda: Yeah!

Sarah: I, I knew people who owned it on VHS and would watch it a lot. I’ve definitely seen it like five or six times. But that’s wild, right? Whole article –

Amanda: Yeah!

Sarah: – about this guy. I mean, it makes sense if they’re going to cover some kind of television show, it’s going to be this one because it’s got all the romance in it.

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: Oh my. I wonder if anyone watched it. Did you watch this? Did you watch the Highlander TV show with –

Amanda: No.

Sarah: – Adrian Paul? Tell me everything. I want to know. There can only be one. The movie is –

Amanda: Oh yeah.

Sarah: – the movie is very cool. The movie’s very cool. It’s got early special effects. Oh, and if you go to PDF page 57 there’s a screenshot, and really the focal point of this picture –

Amanda: Chest hair.

Sarah: – is his chest hair. Like, the –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – the whole composition of the – so he’s got hay in his hair, his shirt is open, dead center of the image is – it’s like all you’re supposed to do is look at his chest hair. The, what’s the, what’s the thing that you use in photography? The golden triangle or the golden spiral. Like, the way that you build an image –

Amanda: No clue.

Sarah: – to spiral it to the, to the focal point, to the thing you want it to look at? The, the focus of this image is chest hair. Which is, I mean, which is fine, but I don’t know if that’s what they were going for.

Amanda: We finally hit the article for Cindy Guyer, Romance’s Own Living Doll.

Sarah: Which is a creepy fucking way to – [laughs] – describe a person!

Amanda: I know! And on page 59, she’s posing with one of the dolls she’s holding up, and they’re a pretty sizable doll. They’re like, what, a foot and a half, two feet? Like, they’re –

Sarah: Oh yeah.

Amanda: – tall.

Sarah: They’re, they’re tall. They’re going to need, they’re not going to stand on their own. They’re going to need, like, a whole stand.

Amanda: And she’s wearing a matching dress to the doll, which is like this green with looks like blue and black and yellow plaid.

Sarah: It looks like a taffeta. It has this shiny, sort of crinkly texture. It looks like taffeta, which is not one of my favorite fabrics to wear, ’cause it’s very crispy and crunchy and itchy.

Amanda: But as we mentioned earlier, you can get that doll on eBay for thirty bucks!

Sarah: Oh damn!

Amanda: And they’re – I didn’t know this? – they’re porcelain.

Sarah: Oh my God, what?

Amanda: They’re porcelain dolls. So they’re not like a plastic Barbie doll; they’re porcelain.
Yeah, which means, like, definitely for collection and not…

Sarah: Oh yeah, no one’s playing with that. That’s definitely dolls for grown-ups territory, right?

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: So basically they’ve done a line of dolls for Cindy Guyer, a top fashion model whose face has launched a thousand romance covers.

Amanda: Yeah!

Sarah: Oh. These dolls are being produced by the world famous Hummel figurines manufacturer –

Amanda: Mmm.

Sarah: – goo-, Goebel – I’m guessing it’s Goebel – of Germany. My grandmother loooved Hummels. She was all into the Hummel collecting. That was such a –

Amanda: My grandmother did Precious Moments.

Sarah: Oh God, Precious Moments. Those were very popular in, when I was in college –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – in the South. They were a very popular gift to keep in your dorm. All these little porcelain people with big eyes!

PDF page 61. We have more MacKenzies. Now, we met Cleve in a prior issue, if you remember.

Amanda: Oh boy.

Sarah: Cleve was the one who was, like, shirtless and in jeans, cozying up to a dancer on a bar.

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: And, like, she’s sitting on the bar and he’s just smarming all over her? Well, now we’re on to Luke, The MacKenzies: Luke by Ana Leigh. There’s an old cover and a new cover, and what’s so great about this is the old cover –

Amanda: I don’t like either of these. [Laughs]

Sarah: How, how Technicolor Trapper Keeper Lisa Frank is this color palette on this cover? Like, what the shit? It is pink, it is purple, it, it is the bisexual flag, people. It is so Lisa Frank. Like, it is just the most ‘80s, ‘90s thing. It’s so colorful in all the weirdest ways. And he is orange.

Amanda: I mean, he also looks smarmy –

Sarah: Yes, they –

Amanda: – on both versions!

Sarah: – he’s still smarming. They’re both smarm. And then the new cover is a photograph, and the problem with photographs for pictures like these is that the rendering of what I call O face in art, in, like, digital design and oil paintings, all of the older art style, the O face looks like, okay, you know what’s happening. In a photograph, they just look drunk. Like, he looks like he’s about to fall asleep on her! His, his, it just – the slack jaw and the heavy eyes, he’s just, he looks like he’s really hopped up on Quaaludes! And she also looks like she’s falling asleep. The face expression doesn’t work in a photograph as well as it does in like, you know, a painting or whatever.

Amanda: No.

Sarah: Neither of these covers are great, and all of these men look smarm. I wonder what MacKenzie we will meet next.

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: What MacKenzie will come down the pike?

So what, what’s up, what’s up for you?

Amanda: So 64 is a full-page ad for The Rebel and the Redcoat by Karyn Monk. And it’s the book cover; it’s in black and white. But it’s a clinch cover, and the man and woman are supposed to be kissing – their eyes are closed – but they just, like, look like they fell asleep mid-kiss. Their lips are, like, brushing against each other? They’re not, like, pressing against each other. They just look like they’re sleeping! Or they just nodded off mid-kiss!

Sarah: They look drugged –

Amanda: Yes!

Sarah: – right? Like, everyone in this magazine has a real Quaalude problem is what I’m saying. [Laughs] And when you look at the color, the color version of the cover, they look even more sleepy.

Amanda: Yes! And there’s a war going on behind them. There’s, like –

Sarah: Yeah, you know, it’s fine.

Amanda: – people on a battlefield.

Sarah: Yeah, a big American flag in the background. Yeah.

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: Although her hair is perfect.

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: Like, that is just, that is the kind of blowout that I wanted in the ‘90s. Just full and sort of a, just a big curve and all of, there’s – like, my hair is very, like, when, well, before it got curly ‘cause I’m in perimenopause and I have a whole new head of hair and it’s just a whole other thing – when my hair was really, really straight, it was just like a straight, thin line. I had no body. It, like, you know how some people have really thick hair and you can, like, put your hand under the edges of their hair and it’s like an inch or two wide? Mine was just like, like a pencil. It was very thin. This woman’s hair is just probably a gorgeous, voluminous cloud. I really have issues about romance novel or novel, novel heroine hair from covers. Like, I really need to unpack this. I keep thinking about it.

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: I really, I really need to, you know, think about that. I need to do some work.

And then in the middle we have the four-page color centerfold, which is something you pay for. And in this, it is The Rebel and the Redcoat, and then Shirl Henke of the bathtub, Bride of Fortune. Now, if you click that Reddit link, you will see that I posted this on Reddit –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – to share with everyone, ‘cause I got tagged by somebody who writes really, really funny historical reviews? And they were like, Oh, I wish, you know, SBTB Sarah would post more of this stuff. And I was like, Oh, I thought, I stopped posting ‘cause I thought I was doing too much promo? Like, I thought it was too much self-promo –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – and I didn’t want to run afoul of the moderators, and I didn’t want to be one of those, like, people who’s like, Look at me! Apparently people really love this, so I will have to post more. Look at this picture. Look at this picture. In fact –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – I’m going to borrow my own alt text from Reddit to describe this for you. His mullet is glowing in the sun. Y’all, it’s incredible. So here is the description. There are two people, they’re in a courtyard, there’s lots of Spanish tiles, and on the right, people on Reddit are calling her Blanche Devereaux ‘cause she’s got gold-red hair, and it’s all in this mammoth voluminous updo. And she’s wearing a teal blue gown with the deepest V-neck. Like, I am seeing her sternum. Like, I am seeing the bottom of the middle of her ribcage, it is so deep, and it’s slightly off the shoulder, and she’s got a white fan, and she’s leaning against a pillar like she’s just aghast or shocked or, or sleeping, or maybe she’s gassy – I don’t know. And then on the left is this guy. Amanda, look at that mullet.

Amanda: It is – I mean, it’s a little greasy.

Sarah: It’s fluffy! It’s a fluffy mullet! It’s incredible! His hair is wavy in a way that cannot be tamed. It is just –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – poof! And it glows because the sun is hitting it from behind, so it’s all lit up! [Laughs] It’s a glowing, fluffy mullet. Like –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – I am fulfilled by this picture in a way that I cannot even describe. And he’s wearing a white button-down shirt that’s wide open over his hairy chest, and he’s wearing a bandolier full of bullets over it, across his bare chest!

Amanda: That is going to chafe.

Sarah: [Laughs] He’s going to lose a nipple!

Amanda: One hundred percent.

Sarah: Forget having it shot off by Lady Deception – [laughs] – you’re going to do it to yourself with this bandolier!

Amanda: Jesus.

Sarah: He’s just going to – somebody in Reddit was like, He’s going to lose, like, a, just a stripe of his chest hair from that thing.

Amanda: It’s going to be rubbed raw! Yeah!

Sarah: Oof. And then he’s got a belt, and then a gun belt. Look how long that gun is. That gun barrel?

Amanda: Also, look how cinched his wait is, waist is with the –

Sarah: I know!

Amanda: – regular belt.

Sarah: Somebody on Reddit said, somebody on Reddit said his waist was snatched! [Laughs]

Amanda: Yes! His waist looks smaller than hers!

Sarah: Isn’t it incredible? It’s teeny little wa- – he’s, he is snatched, it’s true. And he has a massive gun going down, like, most of his thigh; like, most of his thigh is gun. And then –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – his other thigh has a knife! This man is ready –

Amanda: He’s ready for anything.

Sarah: – ready for business, right? But the best part is if you scroll up, you see the rest of this stepback image. [Laughs] There’s a horse.

Amanda: That horse.

Sarah: That horse is just – I know the horse is meant to be looking at him, but the way that it’s illustrated, it looks like the horse is looking at me? Like, the horse is like, Wait till you scroll to the next page; you’re not going to believe –

Amanda: The horse looks –

Sarah: – what I’m looking at.

Amanda: – sad.

Sarah: He does look a little –

Amanda: There’s a sadness in those, that horse’s – [laughs]

Sarah: He’s like, Oh hell, he’s going to go to Bone Town again, and I’m just going to have to stand around.

Amanda: Ugh.

Sarah: Like, look at that. This, this, this is incredible. You usually don’t get a big, big image of the stepback of a book. Like, you’d have to scan it, blow it up. This is just, this is so great. This just makes my soul so happy! This is why I like talking about romance, ‘cause it’s a fluffy, glowing mullet! It’s amazing!

On page 71, again, I love looking at the color versions of covers that I see in black and white and think, Oh, that’s interesting! Look at Raven’s Bride by Lynn Kerstan.

Amanda: She’s not interested.

Sarah: She’s pushing him away! She’s like, No –

Amanda: And she’s turning her face away, too. She’s like, Get, no, get out!

Sarah: And if this is a historical, and I – yeah.

>> Glenys Shea robbed the reclusive Earl of Ravensby. She never expected to steal his heart instead of his gold. Now the Earl’s prisoner –

Kidnapping!

>> – the charming thief must prove her innocence.

He’s got his shirt open already – still tucked in, ‘cause that is the law – and she’s wearing, like, a blue gown, and he is trying to, like, grasp her. He looks like, he kind of looks like Chris Noth, which is not helping the situation? She looks so uninterested in him. Like, she’s just like, Okay, okay, no. And she’s pushing him away with one hand.

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: Like, she’s not interested. This is one of the first, like, Really, I’m not interested, romance covers. [Laughs] Usually they’re just like, Yes! This woman is like, Mm-mm. Nope. Nope. Nope. Go brush your teeth. I’m not here for this.

And then you found the, the, this, probably the greatest image in this magazine.

Amanda: It is another, on page 77, it’s another full-page ad –

Sarah: Mm-hmm.

Amanda: – for Victoria Alexander’s The Princess and the Pea.

[Laughter]

Amanda: It says,

>> Once upon a time, sparks, love, and laughter collide when a progressive American heiress meets a down-on-his luck British lord with a meddling mother and a passion for horseless carriages.

And –

Sarah: Ooh!

Amanda: – prior to that there’s, like, sort of a deep dive about it and an excerpt. Yeah, this guy loves a horseless carriage, apparently.

Sarah: Yep!

Amanda: But the full page ad is the cover, and they’re in bed together, and she’s sort of like almost on her stomach, turning away, and he’s kind of like spooning her with his hand on her back and, like, his mouth is by her ear. And my comment was, Ma’am, that ain’t a pea.

Sarah: [Laughs]

Amanda: Because in “The Princess and the Pea,” the story is, like, they put a pea under a bunch of mattresses, and she’s uncomfortable ‘cause she’s a princess and she can detect the slightest discomfort in her mattress.

Sarah: If you’re not watching, I’m making a jerk-off motion right now.

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: Yeah.

Amanda: If something’s poking you while you’re sleeping, maybe that ain’t a pea. That’s what I thought, because he’s coming up to spoon her.

Sarah: He’s coming up to approach the back door is the thing here.

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: Like, she’s already almost all the way on her stomach, and he is about to, like, lean over her, and she looks into it. She looks a little bit like Angelina Jolie, actually. But he’s leaning over her, and she’s on her stomach. He’s headed for the nether portal. He’s headed for the back door.

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: Definitely not a pea. Definitely not a pea here. Mm-mm. Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope. Nope, nope, nope. Great cover, though. Especially, especially in black and white. It’s not even as good in color; in color it’s kind of boring, because he’s –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – so shadowed, and he’s so orange? The black and white version makes it much clearer what’s happening, and also, yeah, that’s not a pea. He’s, he’s heading for the Jolly Roger-ing, is what I’m saying.

On page 97, talking about the conference, Celebrating Readers & Booksellers. I, I just, I’ve got to read this paragraph; this is incredible. So:

>> Economy Hotel Accommodations.

I believe the conference was what, at, at a Radisson, which was sold out.

>> Since we know cost is a consideration for many readers and booksellers, we’ve blocked several rooms at a nearby lovely economy hotel. This hotel –

Which is not named.

>> – is across the parking lot from the Radisson and is $49 a night, flat rate. That means if you are into pajama parties, you can come with a group, sleep four to a room, and split hotel costs by sharing a quad at $12.25 each per night!

[Laughs] Oh my God!

>> Complimentary continental breakfast is also included in the rate. And one can, anyone can take advantage of the economy rate. Call or fax if you’re interested, and we’ll send you the reservation forms. We’ve also blocked hotel, hotel rooms at other ones.

Forty-nine bucks a night. You can split a room for twelve dollars. [Laughs] Twelve dollars a night!

Amanda: Two double beds! I don’t know if I want to share a double bed with someone. That’s crazy!

Sarah: On page 100, I love looking at these covers, and I wanted to look at Victoria Presley’s Traded Secrets. Again, this is like, you know, the covers are in black and white; what did they look like in color? And thanks to my favorite eBay-er with the lace tablecloth, they – I know! Is this guy naked?

Amanda: I can’t tell. So I think possibly, but I can’t tell, ‘cause her leg and dress sort of cover the bottom half of him.

Sarah: There’s a little tiny bit of his leg behind her butt, and I, it’s very dark brown, and I cannot tell if that is meant to match his skin or if that is brown pants.

Amanda: Yeah. No clue!

Sarah: But I would like to read you the little clip from the magazine? In case you were thinking, Oh, what’s this? It’s a Timeswept.

>> All Savannah Stuart wants is to finish becoming a doctor and get over her newly broken heart. But when a trip to the antique shop goes awry, she is thrown back in time to a Confederate hospital where, in order to save lives, she must lie to the only man she ever truly loved, the virile Dr. Jacob Cross.

Amanda: No.

Sarah: So maybe he is naked! He’s a naked, virile doctor in a Confederate hospital!

Amanda: Is he, is he a vi-, is he virile oil man? Is that what he is?

Sarah: He is kind of shiny. Maybe he’s just virile and oily! [Snorts]

Moving on.

Amanda: So yeah, 112, there’s another feature. But the headline? I hate the way they laid this out.

Sarah: [Laughs] It’s so bad!

Amanda: So the, it’s supposed to be like Pink Flamingo: Erotica Written Expressly for Women by a Woman, but pink is above the subhead, and Flamingo is under the subhead.

Sarah: [Laughs]

Amanda: So I immediately read it as Erotica Written Expressly for Women by a Woman Flamingo.

Sarah: [Still laughing] I can’t breathe, I’m laughing so hard! What kind of erotic romance does a woman flamingo write?

Amanda: I don’t know! But that’s how my brain read it, ‘cause they split the title in half.

Sarah: It’s true.

Amanda: And Flamingo is also a smaller font size than Pink, so they don’t even look like they go together!

Sarah: And Pink is faded; the word Pink is a faded blue, and Flamingo is a much brighter blue, so, like, you don’t even notice the pink, you just notice –

Amanda: No!

Sarah: – the woman flamingo!

[Laughter]

Sarah: Truly, what the fuck is this? Incredible.

Amanda: I don’t know.

Sarah: On page 116, we have Research Before There Was Google. This is a Research Q&A where people write in to Kristine Hughes, and she tells you what research books you need to answer your questions. For example:

>> My romance is centered around both London and Bath, though I know a good portion of it takes place along the road from London to Bath, I worked out the plot and wrote a synopsis before I realized how difficult it might be to trace the coaching road and main towns it passed through. Please help.

>> From London, the larger towns were Hounslow, Windsor, Maidenhead, Reading, Woolhampton, Hungerford, Marlborough, Calne, Chippenham (here is where the River Avon is crossed), Box, and Bath.

Like, she’s just going to tell you what you need to know; you’re good.

Amanda: Yeah!

Sarah: And if she doesn’t know, she’s going to tell you what book to read. Like, there is, there is The Medieval Feast; Ancient Costumes of Great Britain and Ireland; The Cowboy’s Own Brand Book, if you need to know what, like, brands on cattle mean and how to read them? There’s a whole – this one person was the research; she was Google!

Amanda: Yeah, and she was –

Sarah: This is –

Amanda: – giving you, like, the resources to consult that you’d have to go to, like, your local library, probably, for.

Sarah: This is so cool! Like, it’s so cool! She even recommends “The Historical Gardener: Plants and Garden Practices of the Past”! Like, this is, this person is the one who knew everything. Like, this is the person in your office where if you didn’t know something, she was going to have the answer, and she has all the institutional knowledge, right?

Amanda: What do we know about Kristine Hughes? Is there any, like, background of, like, what’s her deal?

Sarah: I’m going to google Kristine Hughes.

Amanda: Was she a librarian? Was she –

Sarah: Kristine Hughes –

Amanda: – an author?

Sarah: It’s clearly a regular column, because it’s got letters, Dear Kristine. Or they made these letters up and she was just like, Here are the reas- –

Amanda: Oh, wait!

Sarah: Yeah?

Amanda: I think I found her!

Sarah: Ooh! Look at you!

Amanda: I think I found her in LinkedIn.

Sarah: [Laughs] Of course you did!

Amanda: I found her in LinkedIn.

Sarah: Found her on LinkedIn.

Amanda: ‘Cause she lists that she was a staff writer for Romantic Times magazine between 1992 and 1997.

Sarah: Boom!

Amanda: She’s currently, from, from 1995 to now, she runs Number One London Tours.

>> I’ve been leading tours to the UK since 1995. I’m currently the owner and tour guide at Number One London Tours, offering fully escorted, small group, historically themed tours to England and Scotland. Stay in a historic property, explore stately homes, take a Land Rover safari on a Scottish estate.

So she runs tours!

Sarah: Well, she really does know –

Amanda: Yeah!

Sarah: – all the towns between London and Bath now, doesn’t she?

Amanda: Yeah. So I found her on LinkedIn, everybody!

Sarah: Go you!

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: This is incredible! She’s, that – I’m curious about these tours, too.

Amanda: Yeah, she’s got a Facebook –

Sarah: Tours!

Amanda: – for her tours.

Sarah: Bath – girl, Bath and Beyond, the tour on the tours page? The header image is Eloise Bridgerton and Nicola Coughlin as, what the hell is her name?

Amanda: Penelope? No.

Sarah: Penelope, thank you.

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: Why did that not stick in my head? It’s Penelope and Eloise from the Bridgerton series; that’s the header image. And then Normandy is a picture of Normandy, and the Royal Navy is a picture of a boat, and Provence is a picture of a church, but this one we got Bridgerton. [Laughs] Bridgerton is everywhere.

On page 123, this is the first time I’ve seen this feature. I might have missed it in a prior magazine, but this is so weird. On page 123 is the continuation of an article that begins on one, page 128. So the, I don’t think this is a widow and orphan, technically; I think widows and orphans are like lines of a text, but maybe this is also what that’s called when, like, the thing continues and you have, like –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – the extra section. The extra section is before the main article, which is very funny. But this is authors and horoscopes where they take the sign, in this case Taurus, and they ask authors who are that sign whether or not they have those characteristics. So we’ve got –

Amanda: Hmm!

Sarah: – Suz-, Suzanne Brockman is one. And she says:

>> I’m stubborn, dependable, and annoyingly practical, but I welcome change. I like to move every few years to keep from stagnating. Slow to anger? I’m hot-tempered, but the anger vanishes quickly. Patient, no. But as far as always having to be right, I usually am!

Go ahead, Suzanne!

And then if you jump to the actual article on page 130, which is just a weird way to arrange this, those people get pictures; the authors that are on the main page of the article have pictures. And it’s Romance Authors and the Stars, and there’s all these authors: Robin Lee Hatcher, Phoebe Kahn, who also writes as Cinnamon Burke? Oof!

Amanda: Never, never heard of that!

Sarah: Talking about whether or not they are really like the horoscope that says they are. I kind of dig this. I wish we’d found more of these! Like, it would have been cool to see all of the astrological signs and the different authors talking about it. I would have been into that!

Amanda: Yeah, I don’t remember seeing these, but maybe, you know, they’re at the back, so maybe we just, like, missed them.

Sarah: Missed it, yeah. But what a cool way to offer, offer some promotion to an author based on their horoscope? Because, I mean, like I said, this magazine was very invested in making romance authors into kind of celebrities for the community?

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: So, like, Oh, Robin Lee Hatcher’s a Taurus just like me! Suzanne Brockman is a Taurus just like me. This is such a low lift way to include more authors? Like, I think that’s so cute. I think it’s such a smart column?

And finally, on the back cover, we have Stephanie Mittman’s The Marriage Bed. And this is one of –

Amanda: We read this review!

Sarah: We read this review, and it’s an interesting choice because the book cover is in the lower right corner, and this cover looks disturbing. Like, it kind of, it, they look so awkward, it looks like a Poser covered, cover.

Amanda: Yeah. I think there was an article about it, and there’s a bigger picture of, like, her sitting in this giant bed with her –

Sarah: Yeah, the –

Amanda: – little Blossom hat on.

Sarah: The back – it’s very Blossom – the back cover is a huge image of the author in a giant bed. Look at that headboard.

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: That bed is massive. She’s like, she’s probably like right up at the foot of the bed, so that the head is like a few distance behind her, but it’s still massive. And she has this big white, fluffy night- – [laughs] – nightgown and a Blossom hat.

Amanda: Yeah!

Sarah: It has a Blossom on it. But this, this image on the back, like, this is one of those choices where it’s like, oh, it’s the author’s photo on the cover, it’s the author’s photo on the back? Like I said, this magazine was really invested in making authors into celebrities, and rather than highlight the book, the book is actually the smallest part of this cover image, of the, of this back cover image.

Amanda: It’s pretty teeny-tiny.

Sarah: It’s a, it’s a really interesting way of advertising your book by centering the author. And I’m, I’m fascinated by the choices that go into that.

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: So this was the ‘96 issue from May. What did you think? It’s –

Amanda: It really felt like it was from the ‘90s, that’s for sure.

Sarah: It was, it was so of its time.

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: And so many good covers. Like, one of the things that’s the most fun about editing is while I’m editing the, the audio, I pause and I screen grab pieces of the magazine, and then I add those to the visual aids, or I will put them on Reddit, because apparently I should be doing that. This one is really fun because of the number of goofy covers. There are there are some Technicolor covers.

Amanda: So much.

Sarah: So cover art. That’s the best thing –

Amanda: Ugh.

Sarah: – about the ‘90s issues, because the cover art is just so retro, and it, it’s, it’s a style we don’t see any more at all.

Amanda: Yeah, unfortunately.

Sarah: So what did you think of this issue? Pretty good?

Amanda: I…yeah, I think definitely the, the features and the ads were a little bit stronger than the reviews, for sure.

Sarah: Yeah. Mm-hmm!

Amanda: Especially the, the Bride of Fortune. I think that one is, like, takes the cake.

Sarah: [Sighs] It’s incredible. This image is amazing! I can’t even tell you why it makes me so happy. It just makes me delightful. Delighted. This is easily also one of the top three covers we’ve ever had on this magazine.

Amanda: Agreed. I feel like we should go back and look and, and do a vote or something.

Sarah: I mean, I have all the, I have all the cover images are definitely in our image library. We could just be like, All right, which covers is the best one here?

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: Well, thank you for doing yet another Rewind.

Amanda: You’re welcome!

Sarah: The, the, the time machine gets more and more comfortable as we spend time –

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: – and we’ve got, like, more snacks in it, we got more drinks, got that like chair cushion for you, for you especially.

Amanda: Huh.

Sarah: Just wait till you get waddly.

Amanda: Oh, great.

Sarah: It’s, no, being a, being a cute little round pregnant woman is really fun.

[outro]

Sarah: And that brings us to the end of this week’s episode. Thank you so much for hanging out with us.

The visual aids will be on smartbitchestrashybooks.com. I’m not sure if I’m going to make it an individual post or try to put all these visuals in the podcast post? I think I might have to do an independent post for this one, because there are so many, and they are so good, and it’s so much fun to look at romances in the ‘90s. I mean the covers. Sometimes the contents are a little uncomfortable, but the covers are always just a visual treat.

I will also link to all the books that we discuss and all of the websites that we discuss, including lots and lots of eBay links, should you wish to have your own Apache Flame T-shirt, which I know many of you do.

I always end with a terrible joke, and this week’s joke is terrible! And that’s why I’m telling it to you. It’s also slightly off-color, so I’m warning you.

What do you call Irish lesbians?

Give up? What do you call Irish lesbians?

Gay-licks.

[Laughs] I know several of you just went – [gasps] – Sarah!

On be- – [still laughing] – Gay-licks.

On behalf of everyone here, we wish you the very best of reading. Have a wonderful weekend, and we’ll see you back here next week! And in the words of my favorite retired podcast Friendshipping, thank you for listening. You’re welcome for talking.

[end of music]