It’s Cover Snark time and upon reflection, there is clearly a theme.
From Pam G:
I’m killin’ in the flame, just killin’ in the flame,
What a glo-o-o-orious feeling, I’m gassy again
My farts are azure, so blue down below
My sword isn’t stuck, and I’m ready to glow
And can I just mention the inspired fashion statement of attending a paintball tournament in your grandma’s boiled wool jacket and Uncle Willie’s clip-on tie. Must be Lederhosen down below to
Sarah: That looks like the jacket a door attendant at a very swank hotel would be issued for winter. Like he’s working at the Plaza, but a guest handed him a sword just before blue plasma erupted from his belly. Poor guy.
Amanda: Also the longer I stare at his two arms, the more it seems like they’re different lengths.
From Amy: 1) I’m pretty sure he is peeing, 2) nothing about this cover says anything about this book, as far as I can tell.
Sarah: That guy is just looming over a field thinking deep thoughts while he takes a wee, and someone snaps his picture. Honestly. So rude.
Tara: Promising and protecting dat junk.
Amanda: I love how his junk just disappears into the field.
From Lisa: I know billionaires probably puff their chests out a lot, but… Alternatively, what happens when you attempt to inflate your blow-up Beach Billionaire to fill out his suit jacket, and your blow-up suddenly pulls a Galatea.
Sarah: …is this AI?
And if not AI, is he OK?
Elyse: This is like a SNL sketch where he’s a billionaire nepo baby CEO and he shows up to a meeting and his big idea is “no shirts”
Sarah: All Pecs On Decks.
Amanda: His expression and overall face business is giving me Handsome Squidward vibes.
Wrapping up with more from PamG: You need a condom on that, Santy.
Elyse: I would love this so much more if a little kid was just putting dragon stickers on romance covers
Like pop a sticker right over the dude’s dingus area on all the books
Amanda: Pin the dragon on the cover model.
Sarah: That sack (the red one, not the dragon-obscured one) is about to absolutely wallop him on the back of the head, right?
That billionaire needs to sue his plastic surgeon for installing his pec implants sideways. And maybe re-attaching the nips in the wrong spots, although they may be vein aneurysms, in which case he should head to the emergency room. Death by nip bleed would be soooooo embarassing.
I’m concerned about the contents of that gift. I’m thinking alive and quite possibly angry.
#dragon-peen! I’d be unhappy if that jumped out at me during sexytimes…
#2: He named his pecs Promise and Protect, didn’t he.
I’m getting Travis Kelce vibes from santa.
So next time anyone has to pee in a field, please remember the Promise and Protect cover says “Heroes are made in times like this…”
Am 99% certain that the Playboy Billionaire’s pecs are a product of AI. Trying to remember my daughter’s med school charts, and I’m pretty sure nobody has great big veins right there. And can anyone else make out a ghostly nip on what’s showing where no nip should be?
Promise and Protect is definitely taking a pee. Given the level of concentration, he is probably targeting a particular plant that needs some extra liquid and organic nitrogen. Perhaps that’s what he’s protecting (and now I’m imagining a story featuring an organic farmer facing a drought).
First thought was, Promise and Protect guy’s definitely taking a pee, second was, he’s concentrating on lining up his putt.