Book Review

Her Donut Shifters by Mia Harlan

It’s come to this, my friends. During a panel at Baycon, a panelist mentioned having read a book about donut shifters. I could not let this rest. This is a poly fated mate shifter erotica with what I can only assume is a UTI waiting to happen.

I had so many questions! Questions like: How? And Why? I read the book. Dear Bitches, I give you Her Donut Shifters by Mia Harlan, with spoilers.

This story (it’s only 27 pages long) is about Jetta, a woman who is highly sensitive to magic and who also despises donuts. When a trio of donut shifters (three men who shift into donuts) opens a bakery next door, the mere smell of donuts threatens to ruin Jetta’s life. She is truly miserable.

She goes for a drive to escape the smell and ends up at a cafe (the setting of the next book, Moonlit Nephrite) where she drinks a spelled pumpkin spice latte that sends her rushing to the location of her fated mate(s). Yes, she is fated to love that which she most hates – the three hunky donut shifters who own and run the donut shop. What to do?

Before I try to explain…anything, it’s only fair to mention that the writing is quite good. There’s not enough room for much characterization, but each of the three shifters has their own voice and personality, each of which highlights a different aspect of the physicality of being a baker and of being donuts. Andres enjoys the physical labor of running a bakery. Brooks loves the feeling of kneading dough and the happy memories that this elicits. York is able to match the perfect donut to each customer and takes emotional satisfaction in making people happy. It’s more thought out than “donuts are yummy” although certainly the taste and texture of donuts is discussed.

In their human forms, the three guys are tall and muscular (see: physical labor of running a bakery). York shifts into a jelly donut when he is startled or when he laughs (I found this to be adorable). Brooks is a ‘sympathetic shifter’, so whenever anyone around him shifts, he does too (into a lump of dough). Andres turns into a donut-shaped stress ball toy with a painted smile. I have so many questions, only some of which are answered!

When in donut/dough form, can they talk?

No.

Do they have eyes and ears etc?

Not really, but they can see and hear apparently. They can glare “on the inside” whatever that means. 

Can they move in donut form?

No, they just sit there.

When donut shifters eat donuts, which they do, is it cannibalism?

Discussed but left unresolved.

Is the concept of donut shifters silly?

Discussed: The donut shifters love being donut shifters, but face a lack of respect in the shifter world, which discriminates against them for being “small and squishy.”

Jetta is mentally and physically repulsed by the thought, taste, and smell of carbs, gluten, sugar, and fat, including donuts and pizza. Is this a personality quirk, an allergy of some kind, or something more concerning?

Not discussed.

Frankly, I’m impressed that any of these questions are answered, and Jetta thinks of many more excellent questions, which are unanswered because she gets distracted by sex.

With regard to the sex, well…I’m both relieved and disappointed. No donuts go into any orifices other than mouth (not our shifter donuts, other, non-sentient donuts). No one even makes direct contact in donut form. Honestly, the sex would be exactly the same if there were no shifters at all, just three guys and a girl experimenting in an empty donut shop (this behavior can’t be sanitary, though). I regret to inform you that, despite the lack of penetration by anything other than a human penis, poor Jetta is still fated to likely have a UTI, because she likes the sensation of sugar on her clitoris (apparently the texture is interesting).

My personal feeling here is that I fervently do not want to read about donut sex, nor can I imagine what that might look like. AND YET, if I’m going to pay $2.99 for a book about donut shifters having sex, there had better be something other than four perfectly human people smearing frosting on each other. I read the book because the question of ‘How would donuts even have sex?’ would not leave my brain, and the answer, “They don’t” is a bit of a letdown.

The human group sex is perfectly fine, if surprisingly tame, apart from the UTI risks involved, but it’s not, you know…donut sex, per se. Not even the stress ball toy gets directly involved. There’s just a lot of delectable substances being rubbed on and licked off, which is great, but not really shifter sex specifically. Given that the entire plot is about whether Jetta and the guys will get it on, this is a big problem if you like, or at least expect, your shifter sex to involve aspects of the shifter forms. If you bought the book because you wanted to know how donuts get it on in donut form, then you will be disappointed.

All in all, this was a cute story that was much more thoughtful, humorous, and clever than I expected. The characters were adorable and the resolution to the conflict was clever. Although this is a fated mate story, no sex occurs without specific consent. It’s all very cozy. I’m even tempted to read the sequel about Andres’ cousin who turns into a giant block of ice and is framed for murder (Wynter). Just don’t expect any actual donut intercourse in this book, for better and for worse.

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Her Donut Shifters by Mia Harlan

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  1. MaryK says:

    A jelly donut, just sitting there!? Forget about whether it’s cannibalism for donut shifters to eat regular donuts, what if somebody eats him, a jelly donut, sitting around unattended?!

    (I really can’t with under-100-page books for 2.99.)

  2. Kris says:

    Donut shifter sex are honestly words I never expected to see in a sentence. Thanks for the chuckle.

  3. Heather M says:

    I can’t get over three dudes who turn into donuts thinking its a great idea to work in a donut shop. The danger! What if someone accidentally pops the dough boy into the oven? What if a customer has a hankering for the jelly donut sitting on the counter? Why does the one dude turn into a toy instead of some variation of a baked good?!

    This is going to haunt me…

  4. FashionablyEvil says:

    I wish I could post a photo of my face, because it is all levels of, “WTF am I reading??!??”

  5. Carol S. says:

    I’m getting so confused because every time I see “Jetta” I think there’s a Volkswagen involved.

  6. DiscoDollyDeb says:

    Well, if one shifter became a standard glazed donut (in the standard donut shape) and another shifter became, say, an eclair, I could see how some sort of “donut sex” could take place, but…sometimes the mind shies away from these things.

  7. Jess says:

    I had to look up this author, and one of her books is a reverse harem romance starring a woman whose soul is trapped in an espresso machine after she died. And this one is 200 pages! I’m so curious…

  8. Ms. M says:

    I’m continually amused by how recent romance authors are perpetually testing the limits now of what creatures women will want to have sex with. This scenario is right up there with Tiffany Roberts’ Spider Mate series but not quite as gruesome.

  9. Kristi says:

    There is a spider mate series?!!? (shivers in a not-good way)

  10. DonnaMarie says:

    I jus… I th…. I wan…

    I can’t. I just can’t.

    ….

    What kind of jelly donut?

  11. Jennifer says:

    Maybe I just read to much fanfiction in my formative years but I don’t understand the point of this is there’s no donut sex/vore porn… I just don’t get it. Not that I want that but I feel like this is a setup for some super taboo shit and otherwise I just … why?

  12. Bessim says:

    Who needs to spend $2.99 when you can be entertained so very very well with this hysterically fabulous review? Thank you Carrie S. I have not laughed this hard in quite a while. And thank you to the commenters as well. So delicious.

  13. Regina says:

    You missed a perfect opportunity for a donut pun.

    “How do donuts even have sex?”

    They DO NUT.

  14. MaryK says:

    @Jennifer – $2.99

  15. Laura George says:

    The “reverse harem” label draws on such a gross history. I’m really sorry to see it being reinforced in my favorite romance blog. It totally relies on western/western-supremacy definitions of the word “harem.” There’s tons of abusive history here which any one can google (intelligently, don’t believe everything you read online, be discerning, etc. blah blah, etc.). But western use of the word “harem” is gross and wrong-headed and “reverse harem” as label completely relies on this orientalist, what-we-don’t-understand-even-slightly = yay, we can use it as the basis for our fantasies” kind of total ick.

    I’m all for women (all women, no TERF exclusions) fantasizing about group sex involving loads of simultaneous erections or, you know, one erection at a time but many options — go for it.

    Just don’t use the word “harem” — that’s all.

  16. Rose says:

    SOMEBODY had to read it. I’m glad it wasn’t me. I appreciate your sacrifice. I’m glad it wasn’t terrible.

  17. Susan says:

    @Regina: But they DON’T NUT.

  18. One of the Ms. M's says:

    This feels like a challenge to Chuck Tingle

  19. EC Spurlock says:

    I should think there would be a cream donut in there somewhere. And a pun on dunkin’. Or the fake donut being used as a cock ring. This author missed a lot of opportunities.

  20. Leslee says:

    Hi there. Thank you for the well thought out review on this short piece, I appreciate it.

    I wanted to request that the term reverse-harem be changed to poly, if possible? This site has been really fantastic about being inclusive and a safe space for me, and the term poly is both more accurate and does not rely on a framework that is often racially problematic when used in romance.

    Again, I very much appreciate the time and effort put into not only this review but everything you do on this site.

    Thank you.

  21. Laura George says:

    I’m with @Leslee – & if yoy need to specify gender as mainstream US culture understands it, you could say something like: female centered mutli-male poli etc. Just drop the term “harem” – I can’t see any reason to sustain the old ick term.

  22. Laura George says:

    Also ick see typos way too late — but still — drop “harem”

  23. CarrieS says:

    Thank you, those are really great points, and I appreciate you pointing them out to me – I’ll see about getting the language changed as soon as possible.

  24. Lisa F says:

    Oh my God, this is truly amazing.

  25. Julia F says:

    Instead of RH, I am a fan of “Why Choose?” as a replacement. It gets the same point across.

  26. CarrieS says:

    It’s fixed – thank you for pointing it out to me!

  27. Mia Harlan says:

    A friend sent me this today and OMG Carrie you absolutely made my day. I’m totally pinning this B+ to the fridge!!! I’ll be sure to address some of your questions in Her Pastry Shifters. If you want a copy hit me up any time 😉 Thanks again for the awesome review, me and my Aced a Test feeling are off to celebrate with a chocolate glazed.

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