Twenty Years of Smart Bitches Reviews

Smart Bitches started as a review blog, and we are still going. We’ve published more than three thousand reviews since 2005, and we wanted to share some of our favorites.

Choosing only a few has been really challenging, because we all have many favorites. We wanted to talk about reviews we were proud of and that we thought were memorable.

I asked Amanda what reviews she thought I should include and she rattled off, like, nine before I could get a pen. And several of the reviewers told me their own favorites, too. So let’s take a nice slow perambulation down memory lane.

I want to start with Catherine Heloise, who passed away suddenly in 2022. Catherine loved Eurovision, and editing her posts about it added so many songs to my workout playlist.

She was also a prolific and attentive reviewer – she wrote nearly 100 reviews for us! I imagine if I asked her what her favorite review was, she’d give me a list of at least 25 and would go in circles trying to edit it to a manageable level.

Catherine adored Courtney Milan’s writing, and wrote a Squee review for The Duke Who Didn’t:

The Duke Who Didn’t is a complete delight. It’s a low-tension friends-to-lovers story set in a small English village over the course of three very busy days. (All Chloe’s days are busy.) The village is notable for two things – first, it has a very high population of Chinese, half Chinese, and other Asian immigrants and their British-Asian descendents, and second, it hosts an annual competition/festival called the Wedgeford Trials, in which villagers and a very large number of visitors from around England compete in three teams to… well, I’m not entirely clear what they do, exactly, but it involves hiding, finding, capturing and defending tokens belonging to the other teams.

She also wrote a Squee review for A Most Unusual Duke by Susanna Allen: 

You know how sometimes you pick up a book because it looks like fun, and then it turns out to be clever and funny and tender and tropey and still somehow unique, and you read it all in one sitting and hop straight onto the Kobo site after midnight to order the previous book in the series?

Yeah, that was A Most Unusual Duke for me.

Amanda is most proud of her review for A Promise of Fire, which received an A:

I cannot, in good conscience, promise that this will be the last time you hear me talk about this book because I am obsessed. I will also go on record to say that, so far, this is the best book I’ve read in 2016. I want to read it again.

As well as her review for The Kiss Quotient,  which received an A:

When Sarah asked me in an upcoming podcast episode how I felt about The Kiss Quotient, I had a sudden spout of verbal constipation. All of the words tried to escape my mouth at once.

Sarah also would not let me submit a review that simply read, “Buy it. Read it.” I apologize for the squeeing that is about to coat your eyeballs, as I tell you a million reasons why this book is the best thing I’ve read in ages, and why I will be shoving it into people’s hands until I die.

Lara, who has a brand new baby daughter, loves Julie Anne Long books, especially After Dark with the Duke, which was a SQUEE:

This romance just hit too many of my favourite buttons for me to be objective. For me, the highest praise I can give a romance novel is that it is original, and this book is that in every possible sense. Do not hesitate over that one-click button; I can guarantee reading satisfaction. Oh, to read this book again for the first time. I swoon!

She also adores Mimi Matthews’ books, and gave Gentleman Jim an A: 

Lara, I hear you cry, why are you not telling me more? WHY? If you love this book, why have you not written a full review? Dear Reader, I hear you, but trust me on this. You do NOT want any of the plot’s twists and turns revealed to you in my lowly review. You want to experience them while reading.

Carrie has been part of Smart Bitches for ages, and has contributed more than 1000 posts and reviews over the years. Among her favorites: Maybe This Time by Jennifer Crusie:

Maybe This Time opens with so many Crusie tropes that a drinking game is in order.  Take one drink for each favorite accessory, i.e, Fiestaware, amaretto, butterflies; and chug for every returning character (Hi Gabe!  Hi Simon!  Love ya!).

And her post, Mad Max Fury Road Makes Your Rape Arguments Invalid, is one that she remains very proud of:

Elyse has been writing here for a long ass time, too, and is the official chronicle of Bachelor/Bachelorette-land, aided by the late Pudding and by the inestimable Picasso, who has gone to live in his forever home. There is more Bachelor bananapants recaps coming very soon.

Elyse has also reviewed some compelling titles, like Blitzen’s Fated Mate, and The Orca King II. The review she is most proud of was published in 2014 for Hunter Fox’s A Billionaire Dinosaur Forced Me Gay: 

Obviously I read The Billionaire Dinosaur Forced Me Gay so you don’t have to. Also I’m at that stage of exhaustion where basically everything is funny and I’m making impulse buying decisions.

Billionaire Dinosaurs. What a time to be alive.

Tara focuses on lesbian romance, and her discussion review with Susan for Truth and Measure and Above All Things by Roslyn Sinclair is terrific:

Tara: When this duology was announced two years ago, I was not okay. I’ve been equal parts terrified and thrilled since then, because my favourite fanfic of all time was being turned into original fiction. Could it hold up?

Susan: And I’m overjoyed that Tara invited me, because I need to squee about these books. I’ve been a huge fan of Roslyn Sinclair’s fiction since I was new to fandom altogether, so seeing my favourite of her works getting a new form is fantastic.

I will add that Tara’s review of Shit, Actually by Lindy West caused me to borrow the audiobook version and I nearly cut my fingers off laughing because I tried to listen and sew at the same time. Big mistake.

Tara and Maya co-reviewed a terrific anthology, Vampires Never Get Old: 

Are you tired of reading about the same old straight, White vampires? Well, then good news! Because Vampires Never Get Old delivers 11 short stories that bring fresh takes on vampires. If you’ve been looking for queer vampires, or Black or Brown rep in your fanged fiction, this is definitely the book for you.

Kiki adored the Brown sisters series, and reviewed Get a Life, Chloe Brown in 2019:

I knew I wanted to review this book pretty much the moment I became a Smart Bitches reviewer. Which means I’ve been looking forward to it for a little more than a hot second, my excitement building as I waited until closer to the release date to read it, letting it gather metaphorical dust on my Kindle app because I didn’t want to read it too early. That’s a lot of expectations for a book to try and meet.

But it did. Get a Life, Chloe Brown saw my expectations’ proffered hand and kissed it gently, and then proceeded to charm their pants off. In a tent.

RedHeadedGirl reviewed Viking by Fabio, ghostwritten by Eugenia Riley, and then Tempest In Time by Eugenia Riley, a terrific review replete with Jeremy Renner gifs:

Melissa excuses herself to the library to read up on the “lost years” and- seriously- the 1992 parents spend hours listening to her shriek and yell over everything that has happened in the intervening 140 years.

Seriously:

“All morning long, the house rang with the sound of her shrieks.  Her hysterical comments ranged from “My stars, electricity!” to “Heavens, men walking on the moon!” to “Forevermore a doomsday bomb!” to “Great Jumping Jehoshaphat, a machine that washes dishes!””

Ellen, who got through nursing school with video games, loved Emerald Blaze by Ilona Andrews: 

If you are an Ilona Andrews fan (and if you aren’t, why not??) I have good news for you. Emerald Blaze gives us everything we expect from an Andrews book: a competent heroine facing an unusual supernatural threat, an alpha-esque love interest with whom she has scorching chemistry, a great secondary cast, exciting action, strong world-building and sense of place, and jokes on jokes on jokes.

AJ gave us the gift that is The Writer’s Baby Bear by Sophie Stern, a review that was inspired by a Cover Snark:

I regret to inform you all that it was an extremely standard “secret baby/second chance” plot with shapeshifting sorta … shoehorned in? There is NO explanation at all as to a) why the hero is a shifter or b) if he MUST be a shifter, why the fuck he’s a panda.

HOWEVER, there is one good part: the hero’s dad was a criminal who wanted the two of them to rob a bank by shifting into their bear forms to scare the teller.

Sneezy is the HQ for webtoon reviews, but I also love her review for Headliners by Lucy Parker: 

Headliners is the fifth book in Lucy Parker’s London Celebrity series, and it is not an exaggeration to say that I have been a squatting like a goblin in the corner, waiting to pounce on this book. I LOVE Parker’s style, and it’s absolutely worth picking this book up for her snark and wit alone.

Claudia’s first review for SBTB was The Sins of Lord Lockwood by Meredith Duran in 2018: 

I am obviously a glutton for punishment because I was positively giddy when my request for an ARC was granted, and I pretty much inhaled this book in two seatings.

I meant to re-read The Duke of Shadows and A Lady’s Code of Misconduct prior to starting it, but of course I have no willpower whatsoever when it comes to a new Meredith Duran book. While I do think this book is best enjoyed after reading these other two, it stands well on its own. It’s a loose trilogy, I’d say.

Claudia is also a big, big fan of Elizabeth Kingston’s medieval romances, and reviewed One Burning Heart late last year.

Shana’s favorite review that she wrote was for The Long Game by Rachel Reid. Shana really struggled with this one, and gave it a D:

The Long Game is the sequel to Heated Rivalry, the rivals-to-lovers hockey romance that pairs Ilya, an infuriating Russian, with his hockey nemesis, sunny Shane. Heated Rivalry has a permanent home on my keeper shelf, but the book ends with a HFN. I was dying to revisit these two and see them have a more permanent HEA.

Unfortunately, I had three main issues with this book.

Shana also reviewed Not Here to Make Friends by Jodi McAlister in May 2024. After we talked about the first two books, Here for the Right Reasons and Can I Steal You For a Second? Jodi’s Australian publisher made the ebooks available in the US, and then book 3 was picked up by Atria in the US. This is one of my favorite things to ever happen in romance publishing.

The Marry Me Juliet stories have very different tropes, but the themes are similar across all three books. There’s a lot of sneaking around to keep relationships secret, characters with a strong personal moral code, and healing from grief through found family. The characters in the books take the social impact of reality tv seriously and make it part of the stakes for all three couples, which I found refreshing and unusual among reality tv romances. At the same time, the stories were soapy, fun, and laced with biting social commentary. I desperately wish I could actually watch this most dramatic season of Marry Me Juliet yet on my tv screen.

SB Nonnie, an elusive guest reviewer, gave us a true gift in the review of Pregnesia by Carla Cassidy: 

It should probably go without saying that spoilers abound in this, so consider this your official warning. Also, even though I do a pretty good summary of the plot here – take my word for it, the true glory of PREGNESIA must be experienced firsthand. So without further ado, my top 26 reasons PREGNESIA by Carla Cassidy is the best book in the history of pregnant amnesiac romance.

#1: The book is flipping entitled PREGNESIA. PREG-EFFING-NESIA.

This is a book title one must state out loud emphatically: PREGNESIA!

Nonnie also reviewed Diana Palmer’s Iron Cowboy and it is…unparalleled. This list is 39 items long:

IRON COWBOY (Silhouette Desire #1856, 2008) has all the hallmarks of a typical Diana Palmer romance and more. MUCH MORE. As such, think of this more as a MST3K of the book, rather than a true review. In other words, I will be breaking it down for you, and this entire post is a big old spoiler alert. Please don’t let that get in the way of buying and reading it for yourselves, because DAMN, you guys. This is genius. Okay, now that that’s out of the way, on with the show.

1. Our heroine is Sara Dobbs, a 19 year old, innocent assistant manager of a bookstore in Jacobsville, TX, population less than 2000. (As we have seen through many previous books, for every one regular citizen in Jacobsville there are 5 mercenaries, 7 ranchers, and 10 drug dealers.)

And then I tried to make a list of the classic reviews that I couldn’t NOT mention. 

First, from April 2011: Private Sessions by Tori Carrington. I don’t actually remember the name of this book. I have to look it up every time – Private Lessons? Private Arrangements? I don’t remember. In my mind, it is “the Harlequin Blaze with buttsecks featuring a guy on the cover sitting at a piano he has the buttsecks on.”

I was hoping to like the story, because any time envelopes (and two-holes) are pushed, I’m curious. I’m all for boundary exploration and really, I didn’t go literary spelunking expecting to be entirely disappointed. But this is easily one of the most boring Blazes I’ve ever read. Even with the anal. Lackluster anal, can you imagine?

I even loaded a PDF of the scene into that review so everyone can read it. It’s appalling.

  Then, there’s one of my all-time favorite reviews. You know how people stand and recite the Nicole Kidman AMC movies intro, like it’s a pledge of great personal significance? I can STILL quote the best line in all of romance from memory. Sometimes I do it with my hand over my heart.

The Playboy Sheikh’s Virgin Stable Girl by the incredible Sharon Kendrick.

Say it with me!

Kaliq dismounted with the same speed and grace as he would remove himself from the body of a woman he had just made love to.

Kaliq, who is for the record “a highly sexed man,” is the playboy sheikh, if you were wondering. I’m sure it was confusing.

If you’re thinking, What about Cassie Edwards? That wasn’t a review, if you can believe it. You can read THE ENTIRE SAGA starting with the first post, where Candy outlined the similarities between several external works and Shadow Bear by Cassie Edwards, including a Defenders of Wildlife article on black-footed ferrets (which seems to be no longer available online, woe) written by Paul Tolmé. Update: Sarah in the comments found it in the Wayback Machine! 

It became a whole thing – Defenders of Wildlife got involved, the NYT covered it, and it was 2008’s Sexiest Plagiarism Scandal according to NPR. There’s an 87-page PDF of all the matching passages.

A lot, like A LOT of people were pissed at us for that, too. My favorite comment during all this was for part 3, where I outlined similarities between Running Fox and sources from Indigenous American writers:

You people need to get lives!  Shame on you for attacking authors the way you do.

The name of your website tells exactly what kind of people you are!

The upside: black-footed ferrets are no longer endangered.*

Well, hell, I was wrong. They were declared extinct in 1980 but still remain critically endangered. I must have been thinking of this PBS story from 2023. 

Yes, it’s a video, but one of the mama ferrets is named STINK POT. STINK POT.

From the National Parks Service: 

Scientists currently estimate that there are about 120 Black-Footed Ferrets living in Badlands National Park, with Nature Conservancy estimating that about 80 of them remain in the Conata Basin area. Wildlife biology crews still monitor and spotlight for ferrets yearly, keeping close tabs on the health of the populations here. The Badlands is home to one of the only self-sustaining Black-Footed Ferret populations in the world, meaning that the population here doesn’t need to be supplemented by ferrets raised in captivity. Our ferrets reproduce and sustain the population on their own.

And, hey, they get a lot of attention now! They’re one of my favorite animals. 

Finally, the review most people who have read the site for a long time cite as one of their most memorable: site co-founder Candy’s review of Decadent by Shayla Black:

You think I’d kid about something that important? You think I would make a crass joke about teh buttsecks to illustrate how incredibly silly this book is? Trust me. I’m not even remotely kidding about that last bit. In fact, there’s no way I can convey how silly this book is. It is so silly that I expected Graham Chapman to appear in Colonel regalia, declaring that this book was too silly to continue.

Yes, this is “Fucking her ass. Saving her life.” AKA the review with the LOLPorn. (Stay tuned for more from Candy.)

I’m sure I’ve missed one of your favorites – so please tell me your suggestions!

What Smart Bitches review do you think is most memorable?