Finally our journey is at an end. Will Grant pick Juliana or Litia to receive the final rose? It doesn’t matter and no one cares. The love story we are all here for is Muzzy and her Big Dumb Boyfriend. I wasn’t sure how Muzzy would react to any of our cats because she wasn’t a huge fan of them at the rescue, but she came into our house, locked onto Fish, did heart eyes, … Continue reading Elyse Watches The Bachelor–S29 E9: The Final Rose Goes to Fish →

There’s much turmoil in the kingdom of The Rose God. ABC has decided to “pause” the next season of The Bachelorette, and  showrunners Claire Freeland and Bennett Graebner have left amid allegations of a toxic workplace. None of this feels especially surprising to me as recently seasons have gone from bonkers to sometimes just plain painful to watch. Remember the most awkward moment in reality TV history when they made poor Bachelorette Jenn watch her proposal … Continue reading Elyse Watches The Bachelor–S29 E8: Muzzy Snuggles →

My husband, Rich, is rightfully annoyed with me. He just got done watching the opening of Daredevil: Born Again, which is this insane one-cut fight scene and I had to tell him we were switching over to The Bachelor. I am a cruel woman indeed. Also, Muzzy says “How YOU doin’?” We start in Newton, MA with a ubiquitous Dropkick Murphys song playing over some arial shots. Juliana is waiting for him and tells him … Continue reading Elyse Watches The Bachelor–S29 E6: It’s Woosta →

I settled in to knit this morning, but Muzzy said “No, Mama” and draped herself across my arms. So we’re doing  The Bachelor instead because she’s so little she can lay across me while I still type. Muzzy: I am huge! Fierce! Ma’am you are six and a half pounds. Next up on the travel portion of the show is Edinburgh, Scotland. Next week is apparently Hometowns and man they are fast-tracking this season. Muzzy: I … Continue reading Elyse Watches The Bachelor–S29 E5: Carolina Drama →

I just went to pull up this episode of The Bachelor on Hulu and it was listed in a sub category called “Black Excellence Exemplified.” Right. In other news, please look at these Muzzy feet or as we call them “peets.” Those are some dainty little feet right there. Absolutely perfect paws. 10/10. So it’s post prom-themed party and all the women are laying on the drinking couches looking hungover. The theme of the conversation is … Continue reading Elyse Watches The Bachelor–S29 E4: Pink Arm Poofs →

It’s Sunday here, which Muzzy says is intended for rotting in bed and/or on the sofa. She knows this job is important though, so she’s willing to trade that in to help me recap this show. She spent Valentine’s Day weekend with her Big Dumb Boyfriend, Fish.   We don’t waste any time this week: after a brief montage of the women lounging around the McMansion, we go straight into the group date. Grant and … Continue reading Elyse Watches The Bachelor–S29 E3: Dog Booty →

It’s time for The Bachelor and Muzzy and I are tucked in to watch. We’re getting a LOT of snow today which means once this disaster of a show is over, it’s time to binge watch old episodes of ER and knit. On a side note, has anyone else starting watching The Pitt and gotten MAJOR ER vibes? I love it. Oh, Noah Wylie, one of my first TV crushes… [ed. note: I saw him in a restaurant … Continue reading Elyse Watches The Bachelor–S29 E2: This Mall Date is Like So Rad →

We’re almost at thirty seasons of this shit y’all. I remember back in the early days of The Bachelor when the The Bachelor had some kind of career or was like an actual prince of something, and wasn’t just someone recycled through the weird social media/influencer microcosm that this franchise has become. Anyway, my recap partner for this season is Muzzy. AKA Muzzarina Louise April Princess Scrembalina Dainty Toes. Muzzy originally came from a hoarding situation … Continue reading Elyse Watches The Bachelor–S29 E1: Grant →

If you’ve been hiding under a rock, you might not have heard about how this season of The Bachelorette ended. It’s…a lot. So grab an adult beverage because we’re about to get into it. Picasso says he’s not interested. Ear scritches only please. Jenn’s family has traveled to Hawaii to meet both Devin and Marcus. Her mom, Trinh, starts crying when Jenn walks in. Jenn’s family and best friend Nichole meet Devin first. She tells her … Continue reading Elyse Watches The Bachelorette–S21 E9: What a Dick →

Rich and I are both going into The Bachelorette tonight sick. We have some kind of virus  (luckily not Covid) and have taken all the cold medicines. Hard to say if that’s going to make this better or worse. As usual, Picasso says “How you doin’?” It’s Fantasy Suites week and we’re in Hawaii. The first date goes to Devin who has already told Jenn he loves her. Jenn has not reciprocated yet. They start out … Continue reading Elyse Watches The Bachelorette–S21 E8: So Boring →

It’s Hometowns on The Bachelorette, the cringiest episode of the season. This is when the Bachelorette meets the dudes’ families, who always look like they aren’t happy to be roped into this nonsense. Because they aren’t. Picasso is once again taking this opportunity to snoozle. Remember how I told you that I thought Picasso might have fathered some of our kittens? Meet Captain Ace, one of seventeen kittens I’m pretty sure belongs to him. We could … Continue reading Elyse Watches The Bachelorette–S21 E7: Mushball →