Elyse Watches The Bachelorette–S19 E7: Hometowns

Elyse Watches The Bachelorette with Kraken Rum and Coke with a big rose at the bottomThis week is Hometowns, when the Bachelorette(s) visit their suitors’ hometowns and meet their families.

So I guess they rented that cruise ship just to sail from France to Belgium?

Today Radar decided to burn one of his nine lives by dashing up to Pudding’s bowl just as I set it down and stealing some of her wet food.

I managed to grab him before any damage was done, but she was APPALLED.

Pudding looks resigned

Pudding: The youth these days…

There’s no word on Logan, who tested positive for COVID last week. I’m guessing he’s still in quarantine/the brig.

First up, Gabby goes to meet Jason’s family in New Orleans. She meets Jason’s dad.

Jason tells his dad that he feels connected to Gabby, and his dad gets emotional saying Gabby could be his daughter.

click for me

A dog is sitting in front of a wine glass and it rolls its eyes

Later, Gabby meets his mom, his sister and his sister’s boyfriend. Jason admits he thought about leaving because he felt overwhelmed by being on the show. Gabby really clicks with his sister and there’s lots of giggling.

Jason tells his mom he and Gabby connect on a “deeper level.”

Then he tells his mom he can’t see himself getting engaged, saying “that’s not something I can see myself doing at this point.”

Pudding: PLOT TWIST!

Next up, Rachel meets Zach in his hometown of Anaheim, CA.

Previously Zach and Rachel both talked about how they would watch airplanes take off and land with their dads (Rachel is a pilot), so he takes her to a rooftop near and airfield where they can watch the planes.

When Rachel meets his family, his Uncle Pat looks really familiar and it turns out he’s the actor Patrick Warburton.

Zach’s dad says of the show, “If you go to the most romantic places on earth, you’ll fall in love with a monkey.”

…Okay.

Rachel gives Zach a rose that night. Zach tells her he’s in love with her and says she’s “the one.”

Then Gabby goes to Palm Beach, FL to meet Johnny’s family.

Gabby and Johnny go for a walk

She meets his parents, his best friend and his brother. His dad tells Gabby they have the family’s support.

Following in Jason’s footsteps, Johnny privately tells his mom he doesn’t know if he’s “there yet.”

Pudding: Do the men not know the point of this show is engagement?

For six months, then Dancing with the Stars then selling diet tea on Instagram?

Me: Don’t forget going on Nick Viall’s podcast.

Pudding: The sound of me coughing up a hairball is better than that podcast.

Truth.

Then we go to Tyler’s hometown of Wildwood, NJ.

[Ed. note: Oh my gosh, he’s from Wildwood!? If they don’t get their names painted on grains of rice I shall be VERY disappointed.]

They stroll on the boardwalk and go on rides and play games.  They make out on the Ferris Wheel and eat very phallic corn dogs.

Rachel is struggling a bit because she feels like her relationship with Zach has progressed further and she doesn’t want to involve Tyler’s family. She and Tyler sit down on a bench to talk.

Rachel and Tyler talk

Rachel tells him that she’s never met anyone who “loves so openly” like he does, but that she’s not confident in their relationship and she doesn’t want to involve his family if she’s not. She says she feels like something is missing and she can’t get there with him.

Then, because this show is awful, we get a shot of Tyler walking alone into his family home and everyone realizing what happened.

UGH, ABC you suck.

[Ed note: if they’d gotten their names on grains of rice suspended in a tiny vial of pink water with glitter hearts in it hung on a chain to wear around their necks forever, this wouldn’t have happened.]

After commercial, Gabby goes to Bedminster, NJ to see Erich. Erich tells Gabby that his dad has been battling cancer for three years and is not doing well.

WHY DID YOU GO ON THIS SHOW? SPEND TIME WITH HIM, JFC.

What is with these guys leaving terminal family members and pets for this BS show?

Erich and Gabby talk to his dad

Gabby is an ICU nurse, and Erich’s dad tells her he was in ICU for 40 days. He says he was very close to his nurses (for the record my mom has been in and out of ICU for medical issues, and her nurses were AMAZING. It takes a special person to do that job and I feel blessed to have met them).

It’s clear Erich’s mom is struggling as a caretaker to her husband, and once again, I don’t know why she would agree to this when she’s going through so much already.

Later Erich tells Gabby he’s in love with her. He also kisses with his eyes open which weirds me out a little.

The last date is between Rachel and Tino in Santa Clarita, CA.

They start off with a jeep ride…then we get the cringy-est family meetup ever.

Tino and Rachel pose for the camera

Tino’s parents immediately start by asking how much time they’ve spent together, then scoffing at the fact they could be engaged after two months.

Pudding: Legit.

His dad says, “In five weeks do you know enough about her? I have a hard time believing what you do on a whirlwind fairy tale trip will prepare you for marriage.”

Pudding: Double legit.

Tino’s mom asks Rachel, “What do you think Tino’s best traits are?”

Logistics Elyse: HE IS A CERTIFIED FORKLIFT DRIVER WHICH IS ALWAYS IN DEMAND IN OUR SHIFTING FREIGHT MARKET.

Oh wait, like for marriage?

Then his mom flat out says, “This is not real. This is an insulated bubble.”

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Jennifer Lawrence cringes

 

Later Tino’s dad talks to Rachel and says he doesn’t buy that they can fall in love that quickly. He basically calls BS on the entire show.

Rachel struggles not to cry.

Then his dad asks her if she’s just looking to get married or for an actual relationship.

WOOF.

Ouch

Chris Pratt winces

Rachel takes a glass of wine off camera to talk to a PA and says she feels like she can’t do anything right for Tino’s family.

“I could be the most perfect person and they wouldn’t like me,” she says.

You mean these people love their son and are worried about him getting married based on a reality show where the final couple spends like three total days together?

I think that’s fair, personally.

It literally took me 3 months before I could pet Pudding.

Pudding: In my defense, you are disgusting and below me socially.

Me: I scoop your poop.

Pudding: I believe you just made my point for me.

Tino and Rachel step aside and he claims his family “adores” her.

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a big fluffy white dog tilts his head in confusion

Then he tells her he’s falling in love with her and can’t imagine a future without her. She returns the sentiment.

They make out, noisily.

That’s where the episode ends. Are you watching?

 

Comments are Closed

  1. Todd says:

    Just checking for the Lady Pudding updates. I’m glad you managed to save Radar (although stealing Pudding’s WET FOOD?). I don’t watch but did any of the couples actually get married? and stay married?

  2. TN says:

    Best gifs ever! Thanks Elyse!

  3. cat_blue says:

    Tino’s family refused to play! I love it. And then Tino coming in like “no trust me that was how they show they like you :)” while Rachel complains with wine that showing up and saying she’s tv-dating their son along with a bunch of other men will never be good enough for them…yeah, you get that in the real world. It’s just so enjoyable to me when someone who didn’t sign up for this refuses to make it cute and pretty for the jerks who did. They weren’t even “think carefully about this” or “it’s just that I worry,” they refused to sugarcoat at all and I love them for it.

    That’s a bold kitten, he’s going to learn why cats need nine lives! Lady Pudding continues to be the delight of my days.

  4. Kris Bock says:

    I am confused by all of these people but at least Pudding is consistent and understands the value of taking time to get to know someone.

  5. Gail says:

    Tino’s family is the most honest thing that’s happen so far this season. Just by agreeing to this farce you prove you are in no way ready to get married. That said, I’m only here for Lady Pudding these days. She reminds me of Queen Charlotte on The Bridgertons.

  6. merp says:

    Ok, the opinions re: Tino’s family are valid but I’m also hardcore judging them for… having someone over to their home and being assholes to her for hours on end? Idk, obviously the premise of the show is insane and their concerns are valid, but interrogating and berating Rachel about it when really they’re just mad about Tino’s decision to go on the show feels unfair. They walked in looking happy, and imo, even though the whole thing is crazy, it’s pretty rude not to let them be a little happy.

    Also – I can understand the reasons behind it but damn, Erich’s mom’s monologue about how you can never give up on a relationship for any reason, ever, AT ALL, was…. pretty intense.

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