731. RT Rewind: July 1992 Reviews – The 100th Issue Special!

[intro]

Sarah Wendell: Hello and welcome to episode number 731 of Smart Podcast, Trashy Books. It’s RT Rewind time again! This month we are going back to July 1992 to check out the new releases reviewed in – [desk drumroll] – the one-hundredth issue of Romantic Times magazine! We’re going to discuss cover models! As in, who would be the cover model for subgenre-specific magazine issues? Nostalgia! Are the taglines on this cover both references to cigarette ads? We’re going to talk about reviews! There are some absolute classics in this one, including Outlander! And finally, reading slumps – there are so many people in one, including me. So I really hope you enjoy this time travel, and let me tell you, the ads and features is going to be very special indeed.

Now, I have a small housekeeping note: in our last RT Rewind, episode 729, Amanda was asking when the YA apocalypse trend arrived as we looked at the March 2009 issue. So after chatting with Amanda and then later with listener Verity – hi, Verity – with their help I have a rough timeline, historically speaking, and I thought I would share it with you, because I think this is interesting.

So there were two major factors, according to most sources that I looked at, for the boom in YA apocalypse literature. One was The Hunger Games and, to a lesser extent, the Potter series, and the 2008 financial crash and the recession that followed.

If you are not familiar with the 2008 market crash, basically, the US federal government loosened regulations that led to predatory loans for mortgages. These were known as subprime mortgages, which themselves were bundled and sold to different financial institutions, and then suddenly they weren’t worth anything because housing prices fell and people could not pay these predatory loans. This led to a sort of cascade effect where different financial institutions basically started telling on each other that they had no liquidity or cash, and then some of them, like Lehman Brothers and Bear Stearns, went bankrupt or were sold for pennies on the dollar of their total value. To give you some perspective, at this time Bear Stearns was the fifth-largest investment bank in the United States, and Lehman was number four, and the day that Lehman declared bankruptcy was a really bad day at my old job, which was a holding company.

So what does this have to do with YA literature? Well, I’m going to tell you. As you know, literature is a reflection of our current world, and YA literature reflects and informs how young adult readers see themselves and their world. At the time, they saw a financial apocalypse that affected the global economy – not just in the US – and that hopelessness and the, the failure of institutions and protective structures, the loss of recognizable society? That’s all amplified in the apocalyptic settings in these books. Now, along with the YA apocalypse trend, I will also point out that New Adult gained its name and a recognizable existent as a subgenre in 2008 and 2009, which furthers my theory that New Adult is chick lit in a bad economy.

Now, here’s a terrible parallel to the current moment: I was listening to Vibe Check, which is a wonderful podcast with Saeed Jones and Zach Stafford – if you don’t listen, it’s wonderful, so great; I listen every week. They mentioned in a recent episode that they’ve noticed an increase in cigarette smoking among young people, which is shocking to me personally, because I remember the era where there was like a smoking section on the airplane, and a smoking section in the restaurant, but we were all breathing the smoking? So this trend in cigarette smoking among young people, coupled with other destructive tendencies, seems to reflect a young population that does not see a reason to plan for the future, because they feel or have internalized on some level that they’re not going to have one, or at least not one to look forward to.

It is really wild to have been writing and, about and watching romance for so long – [laughs] – that I see trends repeating, so I would not be surprised if we have another trend of apocalypse or societal destruction in genre fiction very soon. I don’t know if it’ll be an apocalypse or if it’ll be something else, but I think it’s going to be reflected very, very soon in the books that we’re reading. I mean, just look at the language trends! Like, what, how do you describe someone losing their control of themselves? They’re crashing out. There is a language of apocalypse even in the slang. So this is my next cautious, cautious prediction? We might see familiar apocalyptic themes in genre fiction very, very soon.

So now that I’ve gone on a brief historical tangent, let me get back to our regularly scheduled intro, because I have a compliment this week, yay!

To Carrie A.: Carrie, if your personality were distilled, it would be the feeling of taking a very, very deep breath and then letting it out, dropping your shoulders, and smiling.

If you would like a compliment of your very own or you would like to support this here show, have a look at patreon.com/SmartBitches. Our Patreon community is full of some of the nicest humans on the earth, and you get to hang out and talk with them every day in our Discord, including Wednesdays, which are a very special day. You will also be supporting me, making sure that every episode has a handcrafted transcript from garlicknitter – thank you, garlicknitter! – [My pleasure! Seriously! – gk] – and you get the full PDF scan of all of these fantastic issues, which you can peruse at your leisure. If you’re interested: patreon.com/SmartBitches. And if Patreon support is not in the cards, may I humbly ask that you leave a review wherever you listen; it really does make a massive, massive difference.

All right, are you ready? Are you ready to go back to, holy cow, July 1992? Let’s do this; on with the podcast.

[music]

Sarah: We have a special issue this month for Romantic Times Rewind. Amanda –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – why don’t you tell the lovely people who will be listening about the magic that we are about to experience here?

Amanda: Yes. So this is an issue from July 1992, and it is an issue celebrating one hundred issues of the Romantic Times magazine. And, you know, if you’re celebrating your one-hundredth issue of a magazine about romance –

Sarah: Right.

Amanda: – who do you think’s on the cover? Feel free to, like, drop your guesses.

Sarah: In, in 1992.

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: Goodness me. Goodness.

Amanda: Who was really –

Sarah: Golly gee whiz.

Amanda: – indicative of the romance genre in the early ‘90s?

Sarah: This is, this is such a telling question, because my brain was like, Okay, make a joke. Who’s another man that was associated with romance at this time? And there literally is not another – like, in publishing, I’m sure, you know, like –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – I am certain – who is Mr. Zacharius Senior? Is that Walter? I’m sure he was involved in romance, but that’s not who we’re talking about. The public facing of romance, there’s really only this one guy!

Amanda: I also think, like, who would this be now? Like, in 2026, if someone were to produce a, like, anniversary issue of their magazine about romance, who would be, like, the face, right? I don’t think it would be a cover model. I don’t – maybe like Sarah J. Maas? I don’t know. I feel like it’d be a big romantasy author. I don’t think it would be, like, Nora. I don’t think it would be a historical romance author. So sorry –

Sarah: Oh no.

Amanda: – to all the listeners right now, but –

Sarah: A sing-, a, a singular face of romance right now. We talk all the time about how, like, the genre used to have a somewhat cohesive fandom, and now that fandom has splintered into pockets? It’s all very –

Amanda: Mm-hmm.

Sarah: – siloed? So I think each silo has their own? I mean, and, and in each era –

Amanda: Okay, so because it – we’re going to do, because it’s siloed, now there’s going to be specific special issue editions. You get the romantasy one at Target; you get the – [laughs] – historical one at Barnes and Noble.

Sarah: Target! I don’t, I don’t know her. You, okay, so what, what would be the, the, the silos then, if we’re going to design the hundredth issue of a magazine? We have the romantasy issue –

Amanda: God damn.

Sarah: – we have the cozy issue; we have the, the dark romance issue; the monster-fucking issue. That’s Ruby Dixon –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – easily.

Amanda: No, I would say – my God, what is her name? I’m blanking.

Sarah: No, it’s, it’s Ruby Dixon, but sitting on one shoulder is Laurel K. Hamilton with a picture of Sholto – [laughs] –

Amanda: I think –

Sarah: – and then sitting on the other shoulder is –

Amanda: I think for the monster one it’s, it –

Sarah: C. M. Nacosta.

Amanda: Yes! That’s who I’m thinking of. It’s got to be her, in my opinion.

Sarah: Morning Glory Milking Farm?

Amanda: Yeah. Parent –

Sarah: That’s totally fine!

Amanda: So, like, contemporary? I think, like, Ali –

Sarah: Oh, contemporary would –

Amanda: – I think Ali Hazelwood.

Sarah: – absolutely be Ali Hazelwood, hands down, no question.

Amanda: Historical? That’s tough.

Sarah: Alexander Vasti.

Amanda: Yeah. She’s –

Sarah: Or, or –

Amanda: – I feel like –

Sarah: – Alice Coldbreath?

Amanda: Yeah. As Cat, Cat Sebastian is doing contemporary – well, the latest one’s contemporary.

Sarah: Right, but Cat Sebastian’s –

Amanda: KJ Charles, maybe –

Sarah: – historical.

Amanda: – for historical, yeah.

Together: KJ Charles –

Sarah: No, I put KJ Charles above both of the names that I suggested. I think KJ Charles could be the cover. Yeah.

Wow. And then what about, like, science fiction romance? Does that get its own issue?

Amanda: I don’t know.

Sarah: It’s never been as big.

Amanda: Like, Ruby Dixon could be sci-fi. Jesse Mihalik –

Sarah: Yeah.

Amanda: – is now doing fantasy, but the sci-fi was big. Jennifer Estep had the sci-fi series, but I think is also switching to fantasy, fantasy.

Sarah: Yes. It, the, the, the boundary between science fiction and fantasy as pertains to romance is very fluid. Very fluid.

Amanda: Yeah, as, as we’ll learn in this issue.

Sarah: Oh, you don’t say!

So, back to this issue: Fabio is on the cover, Amanda. Can you believe it?

Amanda: You said I can’t even believe it, and I just remembered the I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter Fabio drama that we covered in another issue? [Laughs]

Sarah: I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter. I’m convinced it was because he sold out and did a commercial for margarine, and that’s what people were upset about. Actually, you know what? The-, there’s so few reviews, we could just discuss the cover in this one.

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: I mean – so, like, let’s, let’s tackle this cover! The things that jump out at me first? How did you get your hair that high? How do you do that? I mean, it is the ‘90s.

Amanda: You backcomb it! Yeah!

Sarah: I mean, I think he’s wearing a Bumpit. His hair is so tall! He, he, I think he –

Amanda: It’s very tall.

Sarah: – he’s wearing a Bumpit, and he’s posed in – you know that, you know the, the pose for men to show you how small their waists are, where their shoulders are sort of three-quarter, and then their, their –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – their side is almost fully to the side, like you’re seeing a hip and then bow. That’s how he is.

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: He’s showing you how snatched his waist is. All I can see are his absolutely ginormous fucking nipples.

Amanda: Yeah, they’re pretty –

Sarah: Like, they’re looking at me. They’re looking at me. They’re looking at me.

Amanda: Well, you mentioned how high his hair is, and of course the higher the hair, the closer to God.

Sarah: And he is standing in front of a sunset. Maybe he is God! Look, oh my God –

Amanda: It looks like –

Sarah: – look, he’s fading? He’s got the –

Amanda: Yes, it looks like he’s descended from the heavens because there’s, like, this blur around his body?

Sarah: He has the Touched by an Angel light.

Amanda: I was about to say it’s very Touched by an Angel. [Laughs]

Sarah: Roma Downey, Roma Downey would look at this cover and be super jealous. Like, I didn’t ever get that kind of light. Like, what the hell?

Amanda: My only – I never watched Touched by an Angel, but my only sort of memory attached to Touched by an Angel is I think on TV it was right after or right before Walker, Texas Ranger? And my dad loved Walker, Texas Ranger. So.

Sarah: Those are both, like, those are both such dad shows?

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: Like dad and mom on the couch. This one’s for him, and this one’s –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – for her. There is a comedian named Rob Anderson who is on Instagram, and he, he rewatches ‘90 T-, ‘90s TV shows like 7th Heaven and other shows and…

Amanda: Oh, I just, actually, I think I just watched a documentary about 7th Heaven, and I think he was a –

Sarah: Ohhh.

Amanda: – like, a talking head –

Sarah: I am sure that he was.

Amanda: – for it.

Sarah: He has a comedy special called Who’s Afraid of the ‘90s? I think it’s on Netflix; it might be on Hulu. At one point, Amanda, he does like a whole montage about the American Doll and then comes out in a full-length jumpsuit that is identical to the American Doll dress? Like, his costumes are exquisite.

Amanda: The ‘90s were a wild time, for sure.

Sarah: I was telling Adam this this morning. I still cannot believe that Sabrina the Teenage Witch with Melissa Joan Hart was on TGIF, right? That was primetime Friday night?

Amanda: I think so, yeah.

Sarah: The witches, her aunts, they openly talk about worshiping the devil. Like, they make jokes about, Oh, the Dark Lord won’t like, like that. Well, let’s, you know, we have to go to check in with the Dark Lord. They actually talk about worshiping Satan, like, on the TV show. That’s just part of the lore? Can you imagine that right now? If there was a kids’ show where the aunts who are raising this girl to be a witch just –

Amanda: Worship the devil.

Sarah: – worship Satan? My God. Incredible.

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: I still think about that. I – and that show’s been off the air for a bajillion years.

So what do you think of this cover? The, the, the words on it are a lot.

Amanda: I also don’t like – I feel like the, what is it, lettering between A and Long – so that, it says We’ve Come A Long Way, but the space between A and Long –

Sarah: Oh yeah.

Amanda: – seems very short.

Sarah: Is that kerning? I think that’s kerning. The space between letters?

Amanda: I can’t remember if it’s, which one’s kerning and which one’s lettering. But yeah.

Sarah: Someone is yelling out loud right now the answer.

Amanda: So sorry.

Sarah: Thank you for yelling it. We appreciate it.

Amanda: I feel like this cover’s really boring.

Sarah: It’s just, he’s not even smiling! He’s just sort of –

Amanda: He’s there.

Sarah: – like, stone- – he’s there! He’s, he emotes more when he’s on a romance cover, and this is not, not a lot of, of emoting here.

I do love that the headline is Pure Reading Pleasure and We’ve Come A Long Way. Isn’t, is, aren’t those both references to cigarette ads?

Amanda: I don’t know!

Sarah: I think Pure Pleasure was a cigarette ad –

Amanda: Speaking of cigarettes –

Sarah: – or something like that.

Amanda: – has anyone clocked the new Coca-Cola rebrand using the Marlboro font? [Laughs]

Sarah: I am so old that the minute I saw that video I was like, Why are they using the Marlboro font? That’s weird. And I sent it –

Amanda: My parents would get, like, the Marlboro magazine, where you would, like –

Sarah: Oh, the catalog!

Amanda: – trade in –

Sarah: You could get, like, a car and a bed for smoking a lot of cigarettes? The only cool cigarette when I was growing up and people were smoking was Marlboro Lights. Like, those were the cool cigarette.

So this is the hundredth issue, and Fabio’s on the cover. Did you notice one important feature, Amanda? Fabio. Fabs, Mr. Fabs there is, appears to be wearing the urban fantasy belt.

Amanda: I saw, like, the studded belt, and I thought that was an interesting choice.

Sarah: Yeah, I think that’s the urban fantasy belt, the one belt that every urban fantasy heroine needs to wear.

Amanda: I feel like this doesn’t need a belt, personally, but, you know, who am I to –

Sarah: Look, you cannot – who are you to question the wardrobe choices of, of Fabio? I mean, he’s only wearing probably two things, the belt and pants? Not a lot of choices here! [Laughs]

So let us move on to the reviews. I will spoil this right away: there are not a lot of reviews in this issue, and the reviews in this magazine don’t start until after the centerfold. Like, the –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – reviews were – if your book was released in July 1992 and you were hoping for a lot of coverage, you are out of luck, because reviews were not a priority in this issue, it does not seem.

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: There are more ads from authors, publishers, and agents congratulating RT on their anniversary than there are reviews for any books that came out in July 1992.

What did you pick?

Amanda: So I picked, on page 69 of the PDF, Princess of the Veil by Helen Mittermeyer, which got four hearts instead of stars. There are hearts this issue.

Sarah: Yep.

Amanda: Yeah, as Sarah mentioned, the reviews are pretty minor, and out of all the sections, there wasn’t necessarily one that I feel is super memorable in terms of content. So, you know, that’s sort of what we’re, that’s the vibe of this issue. This is also, they don’t do the separation of review and then summary? This looks like –

Sarah: No.

Amanda: – it’s just all in one.

Sarah: Yeah. And it’s mostly summary with like a paragraph of review at the end. It’s not as –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – as – it’s not as balanced as it is in other, in future issues.

Amanda: No.

>> Talented contemporary romance writer Helen Mittermeyer enters the historical arena with the fascinating love story of an Icelandic Viking princess and a bold Scotsman. Brutally attacked at the age of twelve, Iona has been left with a scar on her face and pain in her soul. She vows to set up a sanctuary where abused women and children can live in peace off the coast of Scotland. Blown off course by a storm, Iona is taken captive by Magnus Sinclair. She challenges him to an ancient test of courage and, with physical skill and intelligence, bests Magnus. However, Magnus is –

Sarah: Get it, girl!

Amanda: I know!

>> However, Magnus –

Sarah: Woohoo!

Amanda: >> – is convinced that she will make the perfect bride, binding Scotland and Iceland together during an era of political turmoil. He sets out to compromise her so she will have to wed him.

Sarah: Fuck that guy.

Amanda: >> But Iona has –

I know.

>> But Iona has more than one trick up her sleeve. She will wed but not bed until they have reached her island refuge. Magnus is patient, kind, and gentle, wooing Iona until the time comes when she surrenders to him. Their idyll ends when he leaves and is reported killed, and Iona is thrust into a world of political chaos and intrigue at Malcolm’s court, where enemies plot to destroy her and her faith in Magnus.

>> Intrigue, a fascinating setting, high adventure, and a wonderful love story and steamy sensuality turn Princess of the Veil into a truly delicious summer treat. This is fine entertainment from a new voice on the scene.

I thought the, the setup of an Icelandic historical heroine, which we don’t often see, was pretty interesting. I also hate that this man just fucks up her entire plan. Like, she’s like, I’m, I just want to build a refuge for women and children escaping terrible situations, I best you in competition, so leave me the fuck alone. And then –

Sarah: Right?

Amanda: – he’s like, No, I’m going to keep ruining your life. [Laughs] I’m going to keep wrecking your shit, and now you have to deal with, like, political schemes and machinations where you just wanted to hang out in your little island refuge saving women and children! I don’t care how kind and gentle he is.

Sarah: It’s really interesting, that part, isn’t it? I was just going to say, he decides to compromise her, so she has to wed him –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – but he’s kind, patient, and gentle. I’m like, yeah! And also quasi-raping her, like, by seeking to compromise her. Like, what, what were you, what were you planning to do, sir? Because she certainly wasn’t a willing participant in whatever you had planned. Like, fuck that guy! Oh my gosh!

Amanda: Yeah, so I’m just, like, annoyed on Iona’s behalf. [Laughs]

Sarah: I completely agree! You should be annoyed on Iona’s behalf.

I wanted to point out that if you go to PDF page 66, there are two things here. Number one is the ratings key. The ratings key for this issue is five is A Classic – and these are hearts, they’re not stars. So five hearts is A Classic, four-plus is Exceptional, four is Excellent, four-minus is Very Good, three-plus is Good, three is Acceptable, NR is Not Available for Review, and there are no other numbers. The range is five to three.

Amanda: I did see some, at least one NR, but, like, why – I don’t understand why you would even include that. Like, not available for review. Like, just don’t put it there.

Sarah: They didn’t get it. Maybe their goal was to be as comprehensive as possible about what books are being published in a month? And so they can say, Hey, this book is coming out, but, you know, we weren’t given a copy of it. It also is, you know, likely maybe going to, you know, send a signal to the publisher or to the author, Hey, we didn’t get your book, so we can only mention it. And then that would light a fire –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – under the author to get upset. Like, they’re, I, they could be stirring the pot with that? Or just –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – trying to be inclusive of all the books that came out?

But I, I am fascinated by this rubric because it’s, it’s a big – there’s, there are no threes. Everything is between a four-minus, a four, and a four-plus. There are three ranges, and they’re all the same number. Like, this is –

Amanda: I think the only section –

Sarah: – meaningless.

Amanda: – that I ever really saw a three in was the Series section? That’s the only one I remember seeing some threes in. But I don’t think there was a single sub three this –

Sarah: No.

Amanda: – whole issue.

Sarah: I looked for twos and I didn’t find any. And I think that we’ve, I think we’ve talked about this before: the Series section seems to be where the reviewers feel like they can really dislike a book. Maybe just because there are so many, they have a wider range? It also might be easier for them because, if I remember correctly, one reviewer does each line? And so if you’re all, reading all of the books in the month for a –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – specific line, they’re going to line up in an order of quality, and then you might feel more empowered to give it a two because you have compared it against every book in that line that month.

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: So I picked, on page 67, a classic, and there are actually –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – a couple classics in this section.

Amanda: Yeah, Outlander! Outlander‘s in this section!

Sarah: Outlander is in this one!

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: And if you’re curious, Outlander got four-plus stars. Did you see a review for it, though? I was looking and I didn’t see one. Did they not review it?

Amanda: I, I saw a big ad for it.

Sarah: I saw a big ad for it.

Amanda: I know I saw that.

Sarah: Renegade –

Amanda: We’re just going to –

Sarah: – Tempted by Fire, Whispers, Endless Seduction, Summer Rose, Hannah, Forbidden Desire. Kentucky is a title. Awaken My Fire. Passion’s Timeless Hour – I miss when books had names like that. Yeah, I don’t –

Amanda: I –

Sarah: – see it at all! I don’t see it. We go right back, we go right into author profiles after that section.

Amanda: Wait, I wonder, I wonder if it’s in that big, if that big full-page ad is the review!

Sarah: Oh, the one on page 79?

Amanda: Yeah!

Sarah: From the desk of Damaris Rowland, associate publisher of Dell.

Amanda: ‘Cause there’s that big chunk of text under where, like, the cover and her author photo are? I wonder if that’s the review, but there’s no, like, grade –

Sarah: Mm-mm.

Amanda: – here.

Sarah: I think this, this, I think this language came from the publisher, not from RT. Listen to this bio! You never talk, people never talk about this with Diana Gabaldon:

>> Romance writing is a real career departure for, for Diana Gabaldon, who has been an assistant research professor at Arizona State University, co-owner of a software programming company with her husband, and owner of a comic book store for Walt Disney Productions.

Like, damn! Okay! Cool!

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: I don’t see a review for it, though. Yeah, I don’t –

Amanda: Yeah, I don’t either.

Sarah: – see anything! That’s weird. Well, it did get four-plus stars.

Another book that’s a classic in here that I’m going to talk about? Ravished by Amanda Quick, also known as Jayne Ann Krentz; four-plus stars, from Bantam. Previous titles include Rendezvous and Surrender.

>> You’ll relish being ravished by Amanda Quick in this utterly enchanting, absolutely wonderful, completely unforgettable Beauty and the Beast love story. Rector’s daughter –

Rector!

>> – Harriet Pomeroy –

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: >> – has no fear of being ravished. The plain young lady is more interested in fossils than men.

I, I do love a fossil historical heroine.

>> When she finds someone hiding stolen goods in her caves, she sends for Gideon Westbrook, Viscount St. Justin, demanding that he do something about this outrage. Feared by many because of his enormous size and the rumors surrounding his past, Gideon is stunned –

Amanda: Size of what?

Sarah: I, I, I think we have to read and find out.

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: >> Gideon is stunned to be summoned by a domineering chit.

I loved books that referred to the heroine as a, like, as a chit? Like, that’s just such a historical romance word?

>> He is more surprised when she shows no fear, defending him to others who malign his reputation. Together they embark on the trail of the thieves and spend a night of sensual magic in the caves.

Ew, chafing!

>> Compromised –

Ruh-roh.

>> – Harriet accepts Gideon’s proposal, but she will not become a docile wife.

Amanda: No, this woman’s into fossils!

Sarah: She likes, she’s going to hit him over the head with a bone.

>> Madly in love with her husband, Harriet shocks the ton by her protection of him, brawls defending his honor, and risks her life to prove him innocent of murder. Harriet has vowed to win the beast’s trust and love.

>> Warm, funny, charming, sensual, and simply superb, Ravished is Amanda Quick at the top of her form. This irresistible romance will win your heart, capture your imagination, and be reread time and again. Not even Disney’s Beauty and the Beast is as wonderful as Ravished. For pure pleasure, sit back, relax, and savor. Sensual!

Amanda: Four ninety-nine!

Sarah: Four ninety-nine!

Amanda: So –

Sarah: I was, like, looking at this and I thought, You know, I could do for a reread of Amanda Quick? I, I did love some of these books? And if you’re going to call them things like Ravished and Surrender and Rendezvous, there’s absolutely zero chance that I am going to remember what that book –

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: It’s, it’s got one-word title. Like, that’s, that’s going to do nothing. So I looked up Ravished on Amazon to see which of my libraries have it – ‘cause I use the LibraryThing plug-in; it’s not like Amazon tells me this on, on its own. I purchased this book on May 18th, 2017. I’ve owned this book for almost ten years. I could read it at any time.

Amanda: I have a, I bought a used copy for like three bucks, I think.

Sarah: Oh yeah. I think I might need to do an Amanda Quick reread, because I will tell you, I have started and discarded three books in the last week? I’m having a real hard time.

Amanda: I –

Sarah: There was one book I started – Amanda, if you need to know the motivation of why the characters are doing things? ‘Cause this book will tell you at the beginning and ending of every chapter, and sometimes in the middle with the dialogue. I was being hit over the head with the motivation to the point where I was like, I cannot read this. I cannot be told this much information like this.

Amanda: I think there’s something in the water, because I, we had recently opened up –

Sarah: I agree.

Amanda: – After Dark quarterly recommendations again, and normally one of our subscribers, shoesforall, always fills it out, is usually like the first person. And this time I did not see them sign up, so I sent them an email being like, Hey –

Sarah: That’s so kind of you!

Amanda: – I’m about to close this. Normal, like, you are the only one that has signed up every single quarter. And I’m about –

Sarah: Right.

Amanda: – to close the thing. I just wanted to check in in case you wanted to, to get in here. And they were like –

Sarah: That’s so nice of you.

Amanda: – they were like, Thank you for checking in. I’m in the middle of like the worst reading slump, and I cannot read anything right now, and I don’t want to keep, like, adding more to my list. And I was like, I get it. I’m there as well. I haven’t read anything in like two months. So.

Sarah: Maybe it’s, like, contagious, ‘cause I, I just updated my reading spreadsheet? I’m reading a lot more books this year than last year, which is good. But I have one, two, three, four DNFs in a row, because I either got bored or did not care, or it, it started out like – Henry Tudor Must Die started out with such good action, and then it was so much exposition. I was like, I can’t; I’m tapping out. All of the books that I DNFed, I just, I ran out of steam, and I was like, My life is too short to force myself back into this book, and there’s literally nothing that’s grabbing me, and I’m, like, so bummed about it. So either I’m going to go back to the Alpha and Omega series by Patricia Briggs, which I am, I am giving to myself in very strategic portions, or maybe I’ll read Amanda Quick.

Amanda: There was a really good comment from someone, from kkw on the first Whatcha Reading? for July.

Sarah: Right.

Amanda: kkw said:

>> Apropos the general discussion of books in which there are a series of lackluster conflicts that dissipate effortlessly, resulting in no stakes nor growth for the characters, I blame fanfic. Which, I love fanfic and I read a ton of it, and it contains multitudes, of course. But just as a generalization, it is often based on the idea that these are characters we already love and just want to –

Sarah: Yes.

Amanda: >> – spend more time with, and it is often written –

Sarah: Yep.

Amanda: >> – without the benefit of an insightful editor (which of course is also true of traditionally published books now, too), so there’s no one to advise on structure, to make the authors kill their darlings, or ever make bad things happen to their beloved characters, except perhaps in a sentimental, tragic backstory. And of course AI was trained on fanfic, so if people are using AI to write these books…

So I thought –

Sarah: That is very insightful.

Amanda: – that was, like, really interesting? And then there’s some, like –

Sarah: That is very insightful.

Amanda: Yeah! There was some really good discussion in the comments of, like, people responding to kkw about sort of, like, this trend of disappearing conflict or really low stakes, you know –

Sarah: Yeah.

Amanda: – cozy setups where nothing feels messy or difficult or really, like –

Sarah: Mm-hmm.

Amanda: – drives decision-making. I thought that was really interesting. But yeah, that was in the first Whatcha Reading? for July, and I still remember that comment ‘cause that’s how I feel just reading book descriptions right now. Like, I was just compiling the new release spreadsheet for August, and Elyse and Claudia both were like, It’s kind of an “Eh” month, because you read a book description and I’m like, Whatever. [Laughs] Like, I don’t care! And that’s how I feel! It’s like, I don’t care. I don’t care about this.

Sarah: I have, I have an upcoming After Dark post where I go ham and snark on a piece of cover copy. And the, the one coming up is, is, is just a book where I’m like, This is truly absurd. This entire setup is absurd, and I have no interest in this; this is ridiculous. And the stakes are either so preposterous that they don’t account for normal human emotion, or there’s just none at all. And it’s so frustrating.

I also think that there is an overlap, and I don’t know which one came first, but talking about conflicts that never really go anywhere, nothing bad happening to your darling characters, nobody making messy mistakes? There’s been a lot of discussion of how, for some reason, there are readers who, if an author writes something that they consider problematic, ethically poor, morally outright, out, you know, morally wrong, that they –

Amanda: This gets me fired up, Sarah. Sarah knows what she’s doing –

Sarah: – they –

Amanda: – by saying that. [Laughs]

Sarah: I, I do know what I’m doing. I am being a poop spoon right now. Watch me become a spoon of poop! I’m going to stir some shit!

But you have these people, allegedly, who believe that the author is endorsing the behavior of their characters. Like, they cannot separate the fiction from the author. And so as a result, newer authors who are perhaps familiar with or also hold that perspective are not willing to have characters that make big mistakes or do bad things because they don’t want that behavior attributed to them. And I’m like, This is the most ridiculous thing. Do you know how many racist characters are in Beverly Jenkins’s books because she’s writing Black historicals? Do you think Beverly Jenkins is a white racist? Like, this whole logic falls apart when you think about it, but it’s a weirdly common discussion that I keep seeing. And it’s so foreign to me because I do not think this way. I wonder what came first, the lack of conflict or the idea that I can’t include conflict because someone will attribute this behavior to me.

Amanda: I think that second one. I think that one came first.

Sarah: That one came first? So because –

Amanda: I think so.

Sarah: – because of that reader expectation, especially with the, with the development of books that start on TikTok as memes, that that is leading to books without conflict because there is a fear that that, that behavior will be attributed to them.

I also think, of course, my perennial argument: we don’t have any discussion and conferences where people teach you craft and how to behave in public. Like –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – you never wanted to be the main character of RWA because you fucked up, and nobody wanted to be the main character of RT because you did something drunk and outrageous. Like, you learned how to act in public, and people would tell you your behavior was out of line if it was. And there was a lot of room for behavior at RT, and some of it really was out of line and nobody called it. But we’ve lost all the places where we, like, would go and learn about craft for a week.

Amanda: And I, we, I feel like –

Sarah: Go off.

Amanda: – we have this discussion like once a month at this point? Like every time we do a podcast where it’s like, it’s social media’s fault. Like, sometimes I wake up –

Sarah: [Laughs]

Amanda: – and I’m like, the internet was a mistake. What are we doing?

Sarah: Adam and I talk all the time – okay – we talk all the time about shutting off the internet for consumer use for like two weeks.

Amanda: There was a Subway Takes –

Sarah: Just turn it off.

Amanda: If anyone follows the account called Subway Takes, someone said, I think the internet should be turned off once a week. Every Sunday, no one gets access to the internet. We all sort of reset; shut it off for a day.

Sarah: Oh yeah!

Amanda: And I kind of agree! I kind of agree. You know, stop it! But I –

Sarah: You know what else I want? I want a voter system of behavior – okay, this is never going to be feasible, I’m fully aware.

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: But I think that if you are a total dickbag, you should lose your internet access unilaterally.

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: You know? Like, one of the –

Amanda: It’s confiscated. It goes in the –

Sarah: Yeah, you’re –

Amanda: – teacher’s drawer.

Sarah: Yeah, you’re not allowed to have it; it goes in the lockbox. I was at a – did I tell you about this? I was at a book event for a book called Retro, about a woman who’s a, who’s a tour guide for time, for time-traveling, and, like, rich people want to go back into Prohibition, or they want to go see the Roman gladiators, so there’s this company that has tour guides to take people back into the past. And that’s, that’s what the setting of the book is. The book event was held at a vintage shop in DC. It was such a smart launch idea; it was so cool. So you could shop, have some snacks, hear about this book. So it’s me, and Linda Holmes from NPR was there, and, like, all of these influencers, younger than me by at least ten years. And they did, like, a either-or question, like, game? And one of them was like, No internet access, or you can only use one app. And, like, Linda and I were both like, No internet access. That sounds great. I’ll go back, like, right now. I remember what that was like. I, I, do you want to know what a dial-up modem sounds like? ‘Cause I can still sing the song.

Amanda: I –

Sarah: Like, I know –

Amanda: – I remember that.

Sarah: And, and I looked around the room, and I was like, I don’t think any of these people have existed at a time where the internet was not available to them.

Amanda: And you’d have to time your internet time with your phone time, because –

Sarah: Oh yeah!

Amanda: – you can’t call!

Sarah: Oh yeah, it took up the whole phone line. I, I am convinced that one of the reasons why Adam and I developed a functional, stable relationship in terms of resolving conflict is that when, when we moved in together, we shared one dial-up line.

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: I really think that’s one of the reasons. ‘Cause we had, like, a phone line, and then we had the dial-up. Like, we had a second line just for the dial-up. And I think that’s one of the reasons why we have a good relationship, ‘cause we had to work out sharing the dial-up early on in our relationship in the late ‘90s.

Amanda: Well, I think to social media –

Sarah: Let’s turn off the internet.

Amanda: Yeah, turn off the internet. Everyone gets a break. And we’ve talked about this before of, like, people are living their lives online –

Sarah: Yes!

Amanda: – and there’s a performance that comes with social media of you want to be seen as, you know, X, Y, and Z, not a shitty person, upstanding morals, you know, check all these boxes.

Sarah: It’s part of your brand. Yeah, your brand has to morally and ethically align. Yeah.

Amanda: Yeah. And I think that’s, like, the disconnect is, with authors pre-internet or the birth of the internet, there is a separation of the person and what they’re putting out, right? With the internet, and when the author is the brand and they’re living their craft or life online, I –

Sarah: And they have to act like influencers. Authors have to be influencers. You’re so right!

Amanda: Those wires get so –

Sarah: You’re so right. Yep. And I, I, I talked about this with Kayleigh Donaldson, that I think for a lot of people, the online world and the real world are the same thing. Like, I conceive of those as separate spaces? The real world has no internet in it. Like, if I’m going for a walk and I leave my phone at home, I’m in the real world; I’m not on the internet. But for a lot of people, being online and being in the world are the same thing. There’s no difference. And the behavior that you conduct online can be, you know, people will find you and, and deal with you about it in the real world, which is fucking terrifying. But I think that’s one of the reasons why Simone Cromer, Club Chalamet, was shocked that other fans were angry at her and did not want her there because, to her, you know, that’s all stuff she does on the, on, on the internet. Why would anyone say anything to her personally? Whereas for that younger fan of Connor Storrie, what Club Chalamet does on the internet and what she does in the real world are exactly the same thing. There’s no separation; behavior is everywhere. It’s fascinating.

But I agree, let’s turn off the internet, she said –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – as she works online and composes a podcast for digital distribution.

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: My foot! My foot, let me shoot it.

Okay. Moving on to Contemporary, and this is a weird category.

Amanda: Yeah, I felt like I’m, there’s a chunk missing, even though there’s not. I’m like, Are there only four reviews here? Like –

Sarah: It’s weird, too, because it’s not labeled contemporary?

Amanda: No!

Sarah: So the way the magazine is laid out, there’s reviews, and then there’s full-page articles from different authors where they write a little article about their book and about themselves and include an excerpt. Like, I’m, I’m guessing that they would pay for these? But there are more of those than there are reviews. And the, the, the –

Amanda: And then, ‘cause the section just says More Reviews, so I –

Sarah: More reviews! I was just about to say that!

Amanda: – thought it was, like, picking up somewhere, and I’m like –

Sarah: Right?

Amanda: – Are there only four? What’s happening?

Sarah: Looks like there’s only four.

Amanda: So I didn’t pick any.

Sarah: I did pick one. Well, I will say the four books that are resumed are Love Child by Patricia Coughlin, Out of the Blue by Garda Parker, Honest Illusions by Nora Roberts – we’re in an oxymoron titles Nora era – and Moonrunner Under the Shadow by Jane Toombs. Four hearts minus. The minus looks like an underscore? It’s –

Amanda: Yes.

Sarah: – terrible typography. So the, I, I fit, I picked this because I wanted to point something out. There’s an ad for that book right underneath, and let me tell you –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – the cover is fuh-reaky! I don’t ever –

Amanda: Yep.

Sarah: – want to see that. That is my sleep paralysis demon is what that is.

Amanda: [Laughs] I was like, Is that the hero? What was that?

Sarah: Yes.

Amanda: Who is that?

Sarah: Well, I mean, last month we had a human-smuggling desperado. Now we’ve got my sleep paralysis demon. Speaking of monster-fucking. So here’s the ad:

>> He had no name, no memory, only a dark legacy of magic.

And then underneath there’s a quote from Melinda Helfer, Romantic Times magazine.

>> Veteran author Jean Toombs skillfully turns her hand to fantasy. The concepts are quite intriguing, and fantasy and romance fans alike will look forward to discovering more about the Voleks in forthcoming Moonrunner Tales.

So that’s the ad, the same page as the review.

Amanda: And let, let me be clear: on that ad, which I mention in our ads and features notes, the author puts her home address. I googled this address, and it’s a house. It says, Jane enjoys hearing from readers, write her at [address], and that is a home. So she, that is a residence. She’s putting her home address in this magazine – [laughs] – for anyone to send anything.

Sarah: Not to be creepy –

Amanda: I’m glad –

Sarah: – but it’s a nice house!

Amanda: It’s a nice – I Google-Maps-ed it! It’s a nice house!

[Laughter]

Sarah: Yeah, but also her whole-ass, her whole-ass address in a magazine here

So, as I was saying, the review, the magazine quote in the ad comes from Romantic Times magazine. It’s this review. This review is in the ad on the same page, and for some reason, this is bending my brain. So as –

Amanda: Review section.

Sarah: Yes. To recap:

>> Veteran author Jane Toombs skillfully turns her hand to fantasy to relate the adventures of a shapeshifter in the Old West.

If you’ve wanted to read about shapeshifters in the Old West, just ignore the sleep paralysis demon on the cover.

>> When he regains consciousness, he finds himself naked and alone on a California beach with no memory of who he is or how he got there! Seeking care and shelter with a Spanish Don and his family, he becomes Ulysses Koshka –

Sure!

>> – a trusted vaquero who then commits the sin of falling in love with his patron’s beautiful daughter. To his surprise, the Don agrees to his daughter’s choice, and all goes well until Ulysses makes a dreadful discovery about himself during a full moon. Unable to control the ravening beast he becomes and sub-, subsequently left with memory of his actions in the form of his other self, Ulysses flees his love and heads east to the Mississippi. A sojourn with a plantation doctor provides him with the first remnants of self-control, but once again he is forced to flee, this time up north to Michigan. Here he discovers lasting love with a Finnish witch, who teaches him a spell to prevent his unwanted transformation. But fate has more in store for this tormented soul. Although he remer-, he emerges from the Civil War relatively unscathed, a growing community prejudice forces him to move his family back to California!

His family. So this woman and his kids have just been fl-, going all over. Like, I thought he left, but –

Amanda: I think so?

Sarah: – unless he has a new family.

Amanda: …no clue.

Sarah: Okay, so either way.

>> Then, after a brutal attack, he regains his previous memories and his true identity, but at the cost of forgetting all that has happened to him in the interim. Now as Sergei Volek, he must embark on a perilous journey to the heart of Russia to discover the whole truth about his family heritage.

>> Although there are some strong romantic elements in this fascinating tale, this novel is definitely more of a work of fantasy fiction in both writing style and plot development. Miss Toombs’ concepts are quite intriguing, and fantasy and romance fans alike will look forward to discovering more about the Voleks in forthcoming Moonrunner Tales.

So this is a completely lukewarm review. And in the ad it says –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – >> Veteran author Jane Toombs skillfully turns her hand to fantasy. The concepts are intriguing. Fantasy and romance fans will look forward to discovering more.

Amanda: I mean –

Sarah: I’m telling you, these – written to be cherry-picked, right?

Amanda: – that’s there! That, it’s in the review! But also, I feel like this is like, Where in the world is Sergei Volek? Like, he’s just, he’s just all over the place! This man’s putting on some frequent flyer miles, for sure.

Sarah: You know what this is? This is like Creepy Shifter Bertrice Small, because her characters would go around the globe like five times in one book, especially if they were a pirate? So, like, this is like a Bertrice Small novel: not only are you shtupping through history, but you’re just shtupping all over the world.

So you did not pick one.

Amanda: No!

Sarah: And I don’t blame you –

Amanda: There’s only four!

Sarah: – ‘cause there’s only four. Yep.

So let’s move on to Series. Series –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – is on page 96. And again, this is tripping me out. We have a review, and we have an ad that quotes the review on the same page. Same – oh, these are subsequent pages, 97 and 96. But it happens again in that section. It’s very, very weird to me.

Amanda: I wonder if, like, the publisher knows ahead of time that a review is running? Because, like, how else would they know to, like, plug in this text, or if they’re like, Oh, they’re running the review; you know, here’s a spot to put in review text. Like, I’m very curious about the, the process of We’re doing a review, and then review quote shows up in an ad for the same issue.

Sarah: I am dying to know the same. I want to know the same question. How what was the sequence there? Like, do you, do you tell the publisher, Here’s the review? Do the, does the publisher send in the ad and have Romantic Times cherry-pick the quotes? Are the reviews written with the understanding that there will be pickable quotes? Like, what, what is the workflow? I need to know the workflow for this. How does this happen? It’s so wild.

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: What did you pick?

Amanda: So we actually picked reviews that are on the same page, weirdly enough.

Sarah: Which is wild, ‘cause there’s a lot of Series.

Amanda: [Laughs] Yeah, no, this is –

Sarah: Whole lot.

Amanda: – pretty big. So I picked, on page 96 of the PDF, Garden of Fantasy by Karen Rose Smith. And there’s a line in here that I feel like is pretty shady.

>> Two rival landscape architects compete for a bid to design a new resort in Garden of Fantasy – three-plus hearts, by Karen Rose Smith. Each, however, must deal with past bitterness before they can find happiness with one another. Although her characterizations are still occasionally inconsistent, Miss Smith has added a wonderful sheen to her writing style.

End review. [Laughs] The fact that they said, Her characterizations are still occasionally inconsistent, makes me feel like this has shown up in perhaps other RT reviews of her work. And this person, you know, assuming Miss Smith is a frequent series category writer –

Sarah: Right.

Amanda: – and we know that, like, each reviewer gets a line, I feel like this reviewer is like, Not this again. It’s the same –

[Laughter]

Amanda: Like, she’s still writing the same nonsense!

Sarah: Also, that, you know, there, it’s this, it’s the one sentence with, here is a very mild, gentle, oblique critique, followed by some weird praise? How do you add a wonderful sheen to a writing style? What the fuck does –

Amanda: A light misting. [Laughs]

Sarah: What the fuck does that mean? Like, you used high, high-shine hair gel? Is it like she slathered her writing with Dippity-Do? Like, what, what does that mean?

Amanda: Put some serum on. [Laughs]

Sarah: Get that little hair oil that you put on your scalp.

Amanda: Yeah!

Sarah: Like, how do you add a wonderful sheen to a writing style? What does that even mean? I, like, if that came –

Amanda: I don’t know!

Sarah: – in a review that I was editing, my first comment would be like, What does this mean? What are you saying? I need specific examples. This doesn’t make any sense.

Amanda: Now I feel like when I write a review I’ve got to put in “wonderful sheen” in there. [Laughs]

Sarah: I, I, I accept this challenge. I accept it.

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: So I picked Midnight Rider by Cait London, and this is a wild one. Get ready.

>> Cait London, also known as Cait Logan, takes the prize for the most unusual pair of matchmakers yet to be seen in series romance. In Midnight Rider – four heart, star, whatever – a longhorn bull and a buffalo stud join forces to help a sexy rancher court the woman he has loved for sixteen years. Ms. London’s delightful blend of love and laughter is the perfect medicine to chase all your blues away.

First of all –

Amanda: So these gay cows are helping – [laughs] – are helping their owners find love. That’s what I’m taking away. [Still laughing]

Sarah: I really read this the first time and I thought that it was saying that the hero and heroine were a longhorn bull and a buffalo stud! [Laughs]

Amanda: No, I read this as, like I said, gay cows, ‘cause one’s a bull and one’s a –

Sarah: Gay cows.

Amanda: – a stud, so they’re both male.

Sarah: Wait, is the, it’s a, it’s a buffalo. So there, it’s a male buffalo and a male longhorn –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – helping a rancher court this woman that he’s loved for sixteen years. What, what is this?

Amanda: I don’t know.

Sarah: So as usual, we do not look things up before we start talking?

Amanda: No.

Sarah: I am –

Amanda: [Laughs] We do…

Sarah: And I don’t think that this is going to have a lot of reviews on Goodreads. And no, it does not. It has forty-nine reviews, but it has a –

Amanda: Okay.

Sarah: – 4.14! That’s forty-nine – wait, forty-nine ratings.

Amanda: To me it would make more sense if one of the livestock was a female, ‘cause it’s like, oh, are they getting them together for breeding purposes, right? But no, you’ve got, you’ve got a bull and a stud – [laughs] – which doesn’t make sense!

Sarah: Okay.

Amanda: What’s happening?

Sarah: I am going to share the cover with you. Look at Mr. Midnight Rider.

Amanda: Look at him!

Sarah: He – look –

Amanda: Very James Franco in the face –

Sarah: Ex- –

Amanda: – to me.

Sarah: Extremely James Franco, very sad.

Amanda: He’s got the Franco face.

Sarah: He’s very pensive. I think his hat is a little small. He’s holding –

Amanda: Yeah. That thing’s barely on there.

Sarah: Yeah, it’s like he’s borrowed someone’s hat. And he’s holding a little metal cup, and he’s wearing a denim jacket and, and jeans, but behind him people are branding –

Amanda: Sorry.

Sarah: – an animal.

Amanda: Yeah, I was like, are they branding an animal back there? [Laughs] They –

Sarah: They are branding.

Amanda: They sure are!

Sarah: There is branding happening. And then if you look over his shoulder, is that like the, is that the longhorn and the buffalo?

Amanda: That’s a longhorn, and then there’s – no, ’cause I think that’s a horse.

Sarah: That’s a calf –

Amanda: There’s a –

Sarah: – looking over.

Amanda: Yeah, there’s the longhorn, a calf, and then behind it is, like, another horse that looks like it has smoke coming out of the top of its head.

Sarah: Or it’s a ghost cowboy holding a rope.

Amanda: A ghost cowboy. Yeah.

Sarah: Wow. So this cover is surprisingly violent. I was not expecting that.

Amanda: That’s also a very tiny mug.

Sarah: [Laughs] He’s really not going to get a lot of caffeine, is he? It’s really sad.

Amanda: [Laughs] …tiny mug. Yeah!

Sarah: Caffeine! Caffeine for the sexy rancher! So yeah, a longhorn bull and a buffalo stud are going to matchmake this rancher with this woman.

Amanda: How? Who knows? Who can say?

Sarah: I’m curious. Can it, can it be found? Can you buy it? Of course you can buy it.

Amanda: So yeah, of course you can.

Sarah: It’s, it’s Harlequin. It’s three dollars for Kindle; 212 pages and three dollars. All right, so here is the summary. Oh my God –

Amanda: Yeah, it’s like –

Sarah: – Amanda!

Amanda: – oh no.

Sarah: Oh no!

Amanda: [Laughs] Oh no!

Sarah: Amanda!

Amanda: Okay, I’m ready. I’m ready!

Sarah: We have a new cover! It’s been re-released with a new cover!

Amanda: No. No! How spooky is it? ‘Cause usually a new cover for a Harlequin gets – oh no.

[Laughter]

Amanda: No! Also –

Sarah: Okay –

Amanda: – no longhorn or buffalo here. It’s a –

Sarah: No, just a, just a horse, and he’s looking at these two people embracing, about to get down. Like, Oh my God, you guys again? Also, I’m pretty sure that –

Amanda: But wait, I wonder, I wonder if buffalo –

Sarah: Stud.

Amanda: I wonder if it’s a type of horse.

Sarah: Oh! I don’t know. I know nothing about large, large farm animals and ranch animals. So the cover, the re-released cover –

Amanda: …I wonder if it’s like a…

Sarah: – has –

Amanda: Okay.

Sarah: – Midnight Rider, and I’m pretty sure that that is a font called Sign Painter that I have used on the site. And the kerning is incorrectly, because you can see the edge of, the end of one letter. It doesn’t blend into the script of the next letter. There’s a guy with an absolutely enormous head, like –

Amanda: He’s – I mean –

Sarah: – truly –

Amanda: – he’s very broad in general.

Sarah: He’s extremely broad.

Amanda: That shirt –

Sarah: Even his –

Amanda: – does not fit him.

Sarah: No, it’s not closing. It’s definitely not closing. He has a mullet.

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: It’s curly in the back and straight in the top. And he is being embraced by a woman who appears to be looking at his nose? Like their eyes don’t line up right? And she’s wearing, like, a yellow shirt, and she’s got, like, curly hair. How do I say this without sounding like an asshole? These are not models.

Amanda: You don’t?

Sarah: This is like a photo shoot of just some random people. There’s hardly any makeup; the lighting is bad. The lighting is behind him! You can see the lighting. Like, this is a photo shoot that’s not very good, and these are, like, two totally random people who don’t seem to be models, maybe? It’s quite a, quite a cover. Mr. Tin Can with the branding.

Amanda: I just can’t get over his, how –

Sarah: Chest.

Amanda: – just how – yeah! I know he’s going to have that problem where – all busty ladies have it – where you get the button gaping. You know what I mean?

Sarah: Yep!

Amanda: Yeah!

Sarah: Oh yeah. Oh yeah. So here’s the cover cop, if you’re curious:

>> Hannah Ferguson is back in Jasmine, Wyoming, and rancher Dan Blaylock is so ready. She’s ruined him for other women, and now she and her ranch are under Dan’s financial thumb. But Hannah isn’t a teenage girl who once wanted him, an older man. She’s a contrary, sexy redhead and determined to stand on her own feet despite the odds stacked against her. While Dan’s set to have his fire woman, she’s not that easy, set on her own path, desperate to find answers from the past, yet neither can deny the fire between them.

What? So there’s a one-star review from October 2019.

>> One of the most boring books I have had the misfortune to read. Normally I really like the books, but this one, just give it a miss.

Ooh!

Amanda: Yeaahh!

Sarah: Nothing about the bull and the cow. How do you have reviews that don’t mention the bull and the cow?!

Amanda: I don’t know! Well, that’s what I’m confused about.

Sarah: >> The heroine was a thankless shrew. I had forgotten that I don’t like this author’s style and the few books I’ve read by her.

So there’s no sheen in this style, apparently!

Amanda: Woof.

Sarah: >> Dan had no emotional guts.

Oh wow. Okay! So I’m not going to read that. Never mind! No interest. Thanks very much.

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: I’m just going to keep with my, my subtle plan to read Amanda Quick.

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: So moving on to Regency. Regency is a pretty, like, robust section here.

Amanda: Yeah, but all of these reviews are just, like –

Sarah: One sentence.

Amanda: – milk toast.

Sarah: Yeah.

Amanda: They’re so boring.

Sarah: They’re very boring. This, the reviews in this one are really quite dull. The, the, the -excuse me – the grading rubric is three-plus to four-plus; that’s the range we’re dealing with here. So I guess three-plus is like a fail? It’s like an F? What did you pick?

Amanda: So they’re all on like two pages, essentially. So on page –

Sarah: And each one gets a little paragraph.

Amanda: Yeah. PDF page 100, I picked Melinda Pryce’s Suddenly a Lady, which got three-plus.

Sarah: Surprise!

Amanda: Sorry, I just went back to what’s going around on social media with the surprise vagina or vagina surprise? If you –

Sarah: Vagina surprise!

Amanda: Sorry, that’s what –

Sarah: If you don’t know the context, we should explain what vagina surprise is. No, it is not a Midwestern casserole; I’m sorry to disappoint you. Do you want to explain –

Amanda: [Sighs]

Sarah: – what vagina surprise is?

Amanda: Sarah can correct me if I’m wrong, but someone was talking about a male/male romance or promoting a male/male romance, and someone asked –

Sarah: TRIGGER WARNING, by the way; trigger warning for this.

Amanda: Yeah. Someone had asked if it was essentially, like, biological males because they wanted to –

Sarah: Was anyone trans?

Amanda: Yeah, because they wanted to avoid a quote-unquote vagina surprise.

Sarah: Mm-hmm.

Amanda: Like it’s going to pop out like a fucking Jack in the box.

Sarah: [Roars] Like the alien.

Amanda: Jesus Christ.

Sarah: Vagina surprise. Like, that, that was some of the most ghastly transphobia I have seen in a long time. And we are right now, in this era, at peak transphobic, like, ghastliness. Like, we’re, we’re really good at being terrible to trans people, and even that was, like, shocking to me. Wow. So anyway. So Suddenly a Lady –

Amanda: Anyway, so back to Suddenly a Lady.

Sarah: – Suddenly a Lady, not a vagina surprise.

Amanda: Not a vagina surprise.

>> A diamond piques our interest with Melinda Pryce’s Suddenly a Lady. In a bizarre twist of fate, a beautiful kitchen maid accused of thievery proves to be the long-lost daughter of her noble employer and wins the heart of the young lord she has worshipped from afar. Miss Pryce’s vivid characterizations overcome the improbability of the plot to provide good entertainment for Regency fans.

Now, this review’s fine; it’s whatever. But what this review does, and we’ve had a few of these in other issues where I read the description and I’m like, Wow, it would be so much cooler if XYZ happened, because my guess –

Sarah: Mm.

Amanda: – is she’s accused of being a thief; they realize that she comes from noble stock; it’s a big ol’ whoopsie, or maybe she was framed. I want her to be an actual thief. I want this illegitimate woman to be a thief and realize that she’s of noble birth. I want that book. And if anyone knows if that book exists, where a thieving con woman finds out that her parents or her father is actually, like, of nobility, I would love to read that. That’s what I want.

Sarah: Someone has to have written that, right?

Amanda: I, yeah! It doesn’t feel like –

Sarah: I was just looking at the reviews.

Amanda: – a big stretch, right? It feels, like, plausible, doable.

Sarah: I’m sure –

Amanda: Where’s that?

Sarah: – somebody has suggestions. Somebody has to have suggestions.

Amanda: Yeah, someone help me. That’s what I want to read. Not, not this.

Sarah: There are hardly any reviews of this book. The cover, I can only find a little teeny-tiny version of the cover, but she’s wearing –

Amanda: Mm-hmm.

Sarah: – the longest yellow dress I’ve ever seen. Like, it’s just miles of yellow. And it, it’s fine. It doesn’t look, like, very exciting. I too –

Amanda: Yeah!

Sarah: – picked something not very exciting. I’m really sorry about that, y’all!

Amanda: [Laughs] This is like the –

Sarah: I –

Amanda: – one-hundredth issue, and it’s all, like, womp-womp.

Sarah: I know! Wait till we get to the ads and features. We got some interesting things in the ads and the features, especially in the features.

So I picked Mistress of Mishap by Cathleen Clare, and my question was, Is that the conflict?

>> Avon beguiles us with Mistress of Mishap, four-minus –

So four hearts minus.

>> – a delicious romp marking the debut of an exciting new voice in the Regency genre. Cathleen Clare diverts us with the lively romance of an overly tall country lass who catches the eye of a dashing marquess visiting one of his smaller estates. Although there are occasional lapses in detail verisimilitude, Miss Clare demonstrates a smooth writing style enhanced by intriguingly empathetic characters.

Is the conflict that she’s tall?

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: A romance of an overly tall country lass who catches the eye of a dashing marquess visiting one of his estates.

Amanda: God forbid. [Laughs]

Sarah: Is the conflict that she’s tall? Because it sounds like the issue is that she’s really tall. Is that it?

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: Is that it?

Amanda: Possibly!

Sarah: Okay, I –

Amanda: Who knows? Who can say? You’re going to look it up? [Laughs]

Sarah: I think – I looked up. Here’s, here’s the, here’s the cover copy.

Amanda: Okay.

Sarah: >> Convinced by her own lack of grace that she will never wed, country heiress Ellen Trevayne nevertheless –

Amanda: ‘Cause she’s a tall, lanky – [laughs] –

Sarah: The, the conflict –

Amanda: – freak of nature.

Sarah: – is that she’s tall!

>> She catches the eye of her neighbor, the Marquess of Singleton, when she splashes him with mud during a morning ride.

This sounds so funny, because it sounds like, it sounds like the conflict is that she’s tall. There is a review from 2000 on Amazon, from apryl.

Amanda: Okay.

Sarah: >> I love this book. It has everything a romantic Gothic reader could want: tall, dark, and handsome marquess and a beautiful lady who thinks she isn’t good enough for him. Not only does the book provide a great plot line and interesting characters, it makes you feel like you are one of Ellen Trevayne’s friends who shares in everything she feels for Lord Harry Singleton, who is definitely a hunk. It is my –

It’s favorite, but it’s spelled fav-, favor-tie.

>> It’s my favor-tie romance out there. Definitely read it.

First of all, I have completely written favorite as favor-tie, so thank you. But I really –

Amanda: Does she think she’s not good enough because she’s tall? [Laughs]

Sarah: Because she’s tall! I really think that the conflict is that she’s tall!

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: And as a petite person, and you’re even shorter than me –

Amanda: Yeah, can’t relate.

Sarah: – I can’t really – [laughs]

Amanda: Mm-mm. Can’t relate.

Sarah: [Laughs] The conflict just says she’s too tall. Oh my God, that’s so funny!

Amanda: No, like, the other night I was, like, making dinner and I needed red wine vinegar, and Brian’s like, Oh, I’ll get it down from the shelf before I leave the kitchen and go upstairs! Spoiler, they didn’t, ‘cause they have terrible ADHD. So they went upstairs, started a computer game, and I’m st-, I can’t find the stepladder. I’m, like, trying to, like, vault up onto this counter. I am a pregnant lady now. Try, just trying to get this red wine vinegar down. Brian finishes their computer game, ‘cause I was, like, texting like, Can you help me get the red wine vinegar down? And then I just did it myself because I wasn’t going to wait twenty minutes.

Sarah: Are you wearing a Saja Boys t-shirt?

Amanda: I am!

Sarah: Oh my God, I love it. It looks so –

Amanda: It is very comfortable.

Sarah: It looks so cute.

Amanda: I think I got it like Hot Topic or something?

Sarah: Are you, are you showing? Are you starting to show yet, or is it still too early?

Amanda: I think I am a little bit. My, my hard pants are definitely get, fitting tighter, for sure.

Sarah: Yep. Yep.

Amanda: So, and everything – like, this is going to be TMI for everybody, but whatever. If you’ve had kids, it doesn’t matter. But I’ve noticed that, like, my pubic area feels, like, puffier and bigger. You know what I mean? Like –

Sarah: Yep. Oh yeah. Everything’s swollen.

Amanda: – that’s – yeah – that’s what I’ve noticed the most, and everyone’s like, Can you feel anything? I was like, I feel like something’s in there. I don’t know if –

Sarah: You feel full. You feel really full.

Amanda: Yes, yeah. And it’s like, I don’t know if what I’m feeling is her moving around or not? I don’t know what, but, like, sometimes you just, like, feel little, I don’t know, not like a cramp. And then – [laughs] – I was talking to Brian. He’s like, like, Does anything, like, hurt? Like, you know, whatever. And I was like, Sometimes it feels like my vagina gets struck by lightning. And he’s like, What? [Laughs] And I’m like, It’s not painful, but it’s just like a, like a jolt of some sort. Yeah. They’re like, Okay!

Sarah: That can be stretching; that could be, like –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – flexing, it could be the muscles.

Amanda: Oh, I googled!

Sarah: Oh yeah. That’s, that’s normal.

Amanda: Is this normal?

Sarah: That happens. You won’t, you won’t feel movement for a while, but the, I rem-, the way I remember, like, the, the early middle part of pregnancy, like early second trimester? I felt like I had a really big meal, but that wasn’t in the place where I feel a big meal.

Amanda: Yes!

Sarah: It was like six inches…

Amanda: Lower, yeah.

Sarah: Yeah. Like –

Amanda: And –

Sarah: – I feel like I had a big meal, but my meal is in my pelvis.

Amanda: And I’m starting to realize that, like, the stereotypical pregnant person that we envision is not until like third trimester.

Sarah: Oh yeah.

Amanda: Like, you know –

Sarah: Yeah. All those cute baby bumps on the cover of Harlequin romances, that’s a very –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – specific time. Yeah.

Amanda: Yeah. So I wouldn’t say, like, I’m showing like an obvious pregnant woman, I would say. But I definitely feel – [laughs] – like a pregnant woman.

Sarah: Well, you know –

Amanda: So –

Sarah: – ‘cause you are a pregnant lady.

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: A pregnant person.

Amanda: It’s about, it’s about the size of a mango in cor, according to my app. Little mango baby with arms and legs. Yeah.

Sarah: It’s awesome! Well, those are the reviews. There really weren’t that many.

Amanda: No!

Sarah: But come back in two weeks for the ads and features, because for the hundredth issue they do a lot of historical retrospectives that are truly bonkers.

Amanda: Fascinating.

Sarah: I will tell you, I –

Amanda: Fascinating!

Sarah: – I – fascinating. I reached out to Steve Ammidown, and I was like, Do you, have you ever, have you ever read the hundredth issue of RT? And he’s like, No, I’ve never read it. So I sent him the PDF, and he was like, My gosh! This –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – is wild. Like –

Amanda: What a relic.

Sarah: And, and he found in the magazine, and then did some research and found a newspaper article about a romance bookstore in 1992, in July 1992.

Amanda: Oooh!

Sarah: He found one of the earliest romance bookstores mentioned in this magazine. So come back in two weeks; we’re going to talk about it.

[outro]

Sarah: And that brings us to the end of this week’s episode. I hope you enjoyed that. Please come back for the ads and features in two weeks, because it’s going to be amazing!

I will have links to all of the books that we mention and all of the links, including Are You Afraid of the ‘90s? It’s not Who’s Afraid of the ‘90s?, it’s Are You Afraid of the ‘90s? And it’s on YouTube, and it’s pretty great.

And a reminder: if you like to watch your episodes, we are on YouTube, and I put little pictures of what we’re talking about, I put the book covers up on the screen, so if you’d like to watch us crack up, roll our eyes, and make gestures at each other, we are on YouTube at Smart Podcast Trashy Books.

I always end with a terrible joke; this week is no exception. This is a terrible joke, and I’m really excited to tell you:

What is the opposite of a Debbie Downer?

What’s the opposite of a Debbie Downer? Give up?

Beth-Ann Phetamine.

[Laughs] I told that to Adam last night as, like, a, you know, just a little dry run, little test of the bad joke, and the answer I got was, Ah. Fine. So I hope you groaned, ‘cause the ac-, the reaction here was really subpar.

On behalf of everyone here, we wish you the very best of reading. Have a wonderful weekend, and we’ll see you back here next week. And in the words of my favorite retired podcast Friendshipping, thank you for listening. You’re welcome for talking!

[end of music]