Cover Snark: Just What

Hey! It’s time for Cover Snark!

A woman in a lacy bra appears to be morphing into a wolf's head

From Cheryl: This is for cover snark because it’s so very very confusing.

Sarah: I agree, very confusing. But I do like that bra!

Elyse: I thought she just had a really fuzzy throw blanket.

Tara: Me too, Elyse!

Lara: Points for semi-original placement of wolf? the new throw blanket pose?

Catherine: the wolf looks like he has a headache, and I don’t blame him.

Veronica and the Cave of the Wind by J. Hamilton. God, so much bad photoshop. Namely that children's faces are placed onto adult bodies and there's a purple lightning storm

From Rachel: It just gets worse the longer you look at it. My sister thinks the girl’s face is a Teresa doll’s (Barbie’s Latinx BFF), the kid in the dollar-store Native American costume is possibly exposing his butt, both of them appear to be children’s heads stuck onto adult bodies, and the foreground is… possibly a stone arch run through way too many filters? Maybe?

Sarah: What.

Elyse: The cave of wind is the post chili situation in this house.

Sneezy: *dry heaving* Make it stop

Catherine: Ah yes, poseable action figures, just what I’m looking for in a romance…

It Takes Two by Christina Butrum. A smiling couple's torsos are replaced by two  dog noses beneath a blanket, but it's creating quite the optical illusion.

From Carole: First thought was Oh My Goodness those nipples have nostrils!

Sneezy: …

Sarah: WAIT A MINUTE

Sneezy: You know what? I’m so broody for a pup it basically gets a pass from me.

Sarah: Isn’t “sweater puppies” an old slang term for breasts?!

Sneezy: WHAT???

IS THIS COVER PUNNING???

Sarah: IT MIGHT BE.

Carrie: Back in the day when Mary Shelley, Percy Bysshe Shelley, John Polidori, and Lord Byron were hanging out at Lake Geneva telling each other ghost stories, Percy did so many drugs and got so scared by all the stories that he hallucinated that demons were coming out of Mary’s nipples. This cover is what he would have seen if he’d had the good sense to stick with weed.

Catherine: Carrie, you may have just penned the most convincing ‘just say no to drugs’ argument I have every scene. Because if that’s what *weed* does to you, I’m sure as hell not even looking at anything stronger…

Alien Thanksgiving by Zara Zenia. A blue alien man stands before a barely cooked turkey and is resting on a bed of grapes.

From Em: This alien Thanksgiving cover. I am just rollin’ on the floor!

Sarah: What?!

Claudia: Is that a cherry on top?

Sarah: I think so? I’ve cooked many turkeys and never dropped a cherry on top. Or a cherry tomato!

Catherine: Alien indeed! I’m not American – is it normal to surround your turkey with grapes?

Carrie: NOooooo

Maybe the thing on top is a cranberry not that anyone eats them like that.

And is he wearing pants because I don’t want anyone’s parts that close to my dinner.

Catherine: Also, I am positive we have seen that tattoo recently, but on less blue skin. Anyone remember where?

Maybe that turkey is his parts. (Is that a turkey in your trousers or are you pleased to see me?)

Carrie: I’ve never been more happy to be a vegetarian.

Lara: I’m new to this whole thing, but should a turkey be that pink?! Or is it just the glow from his AGGRESSIVELY blue body that’s giving the turkey that not-so-cooked look?

Tara: It’s not looking cooked to me either, Lara. That leaves me with more questions about why the grapes are there.

Sneezy: stares in Why is Turkey Still a Thing?

Catherine, sincerely hope the turkey aren’t his bits. For his sake.

Who WOULDN’T hack it off when they’ve been promised real food and get a peen instead?

Comments are Closed

  1. 1
    DiscoDollyDeb says:

    Re Turkey Alien (which brings up a whole different image than the one on the cover): that air-brushed-on tattoo seems to show up on lots of covers—especially alien or motorcycle club romances. I guess it’s code for: “yeah, this guy’s a badass—and we’re showing it by giving him this generic curlicue tattoo that has some vague symbolic vibes but really means nothing.”

  2. 2
    hng23 says:

    re Blue Boy: What’s with the random meatballs in the background?

  3. 3
    Silver James says:

    I have not yet had my first cup of coffee. The Smart Bitches have broken my brain. That is all…

  4. 4
    Musette says:

    @hng23, I thought they were lava bombs, as I assumed he’d roasted that turkey in the planet-sized magma behind him – a floating, wall-less convection oven, if you will.

    But meatballs work for me, too!

  5. 5

    and omg. OMG. SWEATER PUPPIES!

    Also, given the size & placement of those boopsters it looks like there’s enough Sweater Puppy for each party to have one (which begs the question: what’s the other ‘puppy’ look like? Do they each have one human nipple and one SP? If so, they’re a match made in heaven!)

  6. 6
    Mikaela says:

    Pretty sure that if something was exploding behind me the last thing I would worry about was food.

  7. 7
    Musette says:

    @Mikaela – ah, but you are not a glowing, blue turkey roaster!!! 😉 Perhaps on his planet, that explosion is the Alien Dinnerbell!

  8. 8
    Barb says:

    On the Veronica and the Cave of the Wind cover is she holding a teapot? Why teapot?

  9. 9
    Louise says:

    Alpha Boss: Adding insult to injury, I have just come from visiting another site, which reminded me once again that there is no such thing as an alpha wolf. So nice try, boss, but really you’re just being a jerk.

    Veronica and the Cave of the Wind: Y’know, I try to find something snide to say about every cover, but this time … I. Don’t. Even.

    It Takes Two: Amazon tells me that Our Heroine is a dog walker and Our Hero is a butcher. I just knew there had to be a Meet Cute in there somewhere.

    @hng23:
    What’s with the random meatballs in the background?
    Well, ###, I didn’t even notice those… And now that I’ve seen them, my thoughts do not run to meatballs, but more along the lines of Everyone was so busy cooking, they forgot to walk the dog.

  10. 10
    Yota Armai says:

    It looked more like a collection of video game crystals than a tea pot to me. But it’s truly anyone’s guess. They look oddly flat like paper dolls with wigs and clothes pasted on.

  11. 11
    Katie says:

    “Our Hero is a butcher. I just knew there had to be a Meet Cute in there somewhere.”

    Or a Meat Cute?

  12. 12
    Jazzlet says:

    Well played Katie, well played!

  13. 13
    EC Spurlock says:

    Veronica is wearing plastic clothes. She may be plastic herself. And I thought she was holding a blue gingham napkin until I read some of the other posts. I thought perhaps she had brought lunch, which explained the boy’s excitement. A few churros to share, perhaps. Daniel Jackson assures us that sharing food is the best way to introduce ourselves to the natives.

    Sharing food with that alien, on the other hand… Why IS an alien celebrating Thanksgiving? What is he thankful for? Is that an alien turkey? And is that a tiny person sitting on the cherry/tomato on his fork? Is the fact that he is forking a cherry a euphemism? So many questions…

  14. 14
    Merle says:

    I believe the alien is putting an alien radish, with leaves around the root (why?) on the turkey. Or perhaps it is a cherry bomb. The things behind his shoulders look like ornate gilded ugly furniture, not sure what the lumps on the surface of the sun in the lower background are. Why is he celebrating T-giving on the sun? With grape turkey?

    Is “It takes two” about a couple who turn into dogs?

    The way the woman on “Alpha Boss” is rubbing her neck suggests the guy is a chiropractor. A werewolf chiropractor?

  15. 15
    Dee says:

    Alpha Boss – now I didn’t read the blurb but the red jacket is giving me dirty Red Riding Hood retelling vibes. If it wasn’t too busy, would actually love the cover.

    Veronica – that is a pretty bad cover. Like video game graphics from the 90s. Too cartoony and chaotic for me to decipher.

    It Takes Two – I laughed so hard at the sweater puppies commentary. The cover is giving me meddling matchmaker dog vibes.

    Alien Thanksgiving – I thought the meatballs were asteroids. I’m almost afraid to know the plot of this one.

  16. 16
    Jaws says:

    The alien is clearly Dr. Manhattan having a bad day. Right down to the pantslessness. The airbrushed-on tatoo is a sad, sad attempt to deflect DC Comics’ lawyers. (Trust me: It won’t work.)

  17. 17
    denise says:

    Veronica seems to be wearing a glittery 80s dress while holding crystals. Was she searching for the Dark Crystal and got lost at Natural Bridge, Virginia–looks like the same arch. lol I know, when cropped a lot of arches will look the same.

    Of course, she could be a Polly Pocket doll with plastic clothing.

  18. 18
    Heather M says:

    On first glance I thought the dog snoots on It Takes Two were a pair of really upsetting bulbous eyes and I almost screamed. …Not the vibe they were going for, I imagine.

  19. 19
    Todd says:

    Some people should have their Photoshop licenses revoked.

  20. 20
    LMC says:

    I didn’t see the wolf on Alpha Boss–I thought she had on some weird, furry skirt.

    And FYI, Alien Thanksgiving, you shouldn’t bake the stuffing in the turkey, wouldn’t want food poisoning along with your strange garnishes.

  21. 21
    Brigit says:

    Alpha Boss: I thought it said _Alpha Boobs_ at first, because, you know, they are just that prominent (and apparently my brain was lagging)…

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