Y’all know how much I love the annual April Fool’s jokes here at the hot pink palace of silliness. I ponder ideas all year, and have a whole page in my notebook reserved for potential goofiness.
This year: The Smart Bitches Smart Device!
Just holler from whatever room you’re in, “Hey now, Smart Bitches!” (I mean, you could customize it to respond to whatever phrase you’d like. I can suggest:
- Hey, Smart Bitches!
- Smaaaaaaaaaaart Bitches!
- I beg your pardon, most excellent bitches!
And yes, it will surreptitiously build you that kitchen, if you’d like. I think it’s so bright you could perform surgery.
Combining the visual and actual strength of every cover model on the cover of every romance novel ever, the Smart Bitches Smart Device will embeefen your WiFi network, too. Every bicep, every ab, every oblique, and even those muscles that look like small aliens doing a rhumba with a sea cucumber, combined. We’re not goofing around with the WiFi capabilities.
And no, we do not listen nor collect data. Not interested.
(Seriously, wouldn’t it be cool to have a device like this, just to help manage the TBR and the sales? I wish it were real!)
Happy April 1st, everyone. I hope this brought a smile to your face! Thanks to the collective imaginations of the reviewers at SBTB HQ, and especially toJulia Whelan for giving me permission to use her name as part of the joke.
Want to look back at some of our past April Fool’s editions? Here are a few of my favorites:
Last year, we worked with all our pets to remove the weight of the world from your shoulders with Smart Bitches Weightless Blankets.
Back in 2019, we debuted Smart Butchers, Trashy Books – we have The Meats!
Back in 2016 we made snack box subscriptions, including one for you and one for your pet. (Now, with businesses like Bark Box, that’s actually a thing! That’s hilarious.)
We’ve fallen in love with rabbits, and made our own social media network in 2014 complete with hoax-detection technology (wow, wish that had been real).
And one of my all-time most-favorite April Fool’s Day?
Our 2015 Time-stopping wearable device that doubles as a reader, pedometer, page counter, audio device, sale alarm, and timekeeper.
Seriously, I am really good at developing completely necessary yet fundamentally difficult technology for readers.
We’ll be back next year with more silliness, but until then, Happy April, folks.
See you next year!
God, I wish this really existed
I paused for a moment, and then laughed and laughed. If only the Order Now button let us truly order 😉
Very clever!
As always, your April Fool’s Day post is a highlight of a day that’s often a little alarming.
I would totally buy this! My favorite part: “It may also pick fights with other appliances if they are slacking.”
I think the best part of your new device is the IOII – cover recognition. The NHS (Non Stop HaBO Solutions) may be useful, but with the collective brainpower of your customer base, you’ve already achieved most of the solutions for HaBO questions.
Absolutely brilliant and yes, I’d like one please. In yellow, please.
If this existed, I would consider it the most satisfying appliance in my house.
If I wanted a smart home device, it would be one that does this.
Even better if it syncs up with the smart watch. Book recs on the go! Plus a way to record that book you saw that time, but decided not to buy just then and now can’t remember enough about for a Habo.
I love that it won’t collect and sell user data because “that’s way too much peopling for us.” I would live for an introverted Alexa with rock solid personal boundaries!
It’s not real? But … but … I WANT it!
My favorite part of April Fool’s jokes here is that I get to invent the things I want – so I’m glad I’m not alone in wishing this were an option!
Happy spring everyone!
This is an awesome joke! Like the others I want one.
Happy Spring!
I love you guys and your creativity – year after year, this is the best April Fool’s “prank” on the internetz.
I would add a function allowing the device to create NFTs from romance covers and use them to crash that ridiculous market.
When I went right to the home page, I did not realize what day it was today, and I was extremely confused. Good job!
I want one!
More people (like Bark Box) need to listen to your ideas and invent these things!! Thank you for a much-needed laugh in the middle of my second Monday this week.
The Philly voice option will respond to “Yo, Smart Bitches!”
(giggle) at “embeefen” and picking fights with other appliances…
When I saw that home screen I was all ‘WTF’ and then I remembered what day it was. 🙂 So good!