Cover Snark: A Rose By Any Other Name

It’s Cover Snark time, y’all! And there’s clearly a theme this time.

Succumb to the Storm by Riley Onyx. A purple man with flowing silver hair is getting major static frizz in a lightning storm.

From Hng: The hair! The abs! The lightning on the abs! The neon purple glow-y haze! The hair!

Sarah: I feel so seen. He has quarantimes hair like I do. His has its own weather pattern, though.

Amanda: I feel like this is a weird “seeing eye” test. If I stare at it long enough, will it make sense?

Sarah: He looks so forlorn, like his hair having volcanic weather systems is bumming him out. I get it, dude. Static-y hair is really a pain.

Elyse: Is it just me or his head way too small for the rest of him?

Catherine: It’s not just you.

I mean, I like his eyes and his… wild wild hair, oh dear, I’ve just earwormed myself…

EllenM: I want that hair though.

Neal by Kathi S. Barton. A smooth-bodied, shirtless man with low rise jeans is being stalked in the snow by a tiger

Amanda: So smooth…like a baby dolphin.

Tara: I don’t really understand what’s happening here, but I’m hoping the tiger will bite his butt.

Amanda: Also, no offense to any Neals out there, but it’s not a very powerful name worth of that font.

Sarah: Wait it isn’t Deal?

Susan: I thought he was leaning on the tiger for a minute there

Claudia: Is this the Tiger King younger cousin? Or the man himself circa 1982?

Shana: I’m definitely getting 80s Baywatch vibes.

Lara: Where does one even begin with a book cover like that?

I began by looking at the covers in the series… and I present for your delight, Keith.

Keith by Kathi S. Barton. A man in an all white linen PJ number is hanging out with a tiger in his all white room

Claudia: Oh, I get it now. Keith is set in the late 1970s and takes its cues from Saturday Night Fever.

Elyse: Is the tiger named Keith or the guy?

Shana: Keith needs a tiger to protect his precious peen. It’s vulnerable, you see, because he likes to walk around in tights.

Tara: Is the same tiger in all the books?

Also, are the two fonts bothering anyone else? They look like they belong in two totally different books.

Catherine: The fonts do look rather science fiction, don’t they? Also, where is Keith’s other leg?

Amanda: While we’re on this name train…

Poodle by K.L. Savage. A shirtless man lounges on a motorcycle. His messy bun is artfully tousled.

Amanda: It reminds me of the covers snark where the hero was a shifter named Bubbles

Elyse: Poodle the ruthless king…

Tara: NO.

Amanda: I just picture a well manicured put together women doing the doggie voice. “Who’s a little ruthless king? Huh? Is it you? Are you my little ruthless king? Yes you are!”

Catherine: WOW. Poodle the ruthless king is not a phrase I expected to see today. Or any day.

Oh my, I just did some research and the other Ruthless Kings are Reaper, Tool, and Boomer.

Carrie: Boomer the Ruthless King?

Catherine: OK, Boomer, the ruthless King…?

(I mean, my other association with Boomer is kangaroos, a species rarely found in shapeshifter romances…?)

Tool is my favourite though. I can only assume that he is one.

Comments are Closed

  1. Luce says:

    Cover snark: The gift that keeps on giving. These were great. Thanks all, I needed the laughs.

  2. Kit says:

    I just know cover number one does the same thing every morning… Swear and curse as he attempts to comb those knots out of his hair. Well at least that’s what I do until I admit defeat and put a hat on.

    As usual, looking up the blurbs for hidden gems.

  3. DiscoDollyDeb says:

    There are a bunch of books (14 and counting) in that Ruthless Kings series—and the covers and titles are all totally OTT. On all the covers, the Ruthless Kings emblem is always positioned to be hovering right around the cover model’s crotch. Would we consider that a design flaw or a design feature? My favorite cover of the series is PIRATE, which not only stars my alternate-universe boyfriend, Zack Salaun, as cover model but also positions the Ruthless Kings emblem for maximum eye-diversion:

    https://www.amazon.com/Pirate-RUTHLESS-KINGS-CHAPTER-UNDERWORLD-ebook/dp/B08FBHQRF9/ref=mp_s_a_1_3?dchild=1&keywords=kl+savage+pirate&qid=1611573432&sr=8-3

    Now go face Monday with a lighter heart!

  4. Kit says:

    @DiscoDollyDeb are you saying the Ruthless Kings series is good. The series is on KU over here but I got no clues from the blurbs, there in first person and say nothing. I wish books would stop doing that!

  5. FashionablyEvil says:

    The Poodle one totally made me and my husband laugh over breakfast. Also, that poor model. “Yes, that’s if! You’re a tough crime lord! Named Poodle!”

    Also, Neal appears to be wearing a lot of makeup. Everything on that cover is distracting, but the eyeliner is making it worse.

  6. Silver James says:

    Does anyone else see the resemblance between the Rider of the Purple Storm and Poodle? Just askin’…

  7. DiscoDollyDeb says:

    @Kit: I’ve only read a couple of the Ruthless Kings books. They’re not bad, but they are MC romances which means the heroes are rough Alpha types and the storylines tend to the dark and violent.

  8. Poodle’s hair appears to be heading in every direction at once. He needs one of those topiary cuts that they give real poodles, a nice top-knot and bobbly legs.

  9. Tam says:

    My poodle is far better groomed than that, thank you.

  10. Jenny says:

    “Keith” is also the cover model on a Harlequin Dare book (“Burn My Hart” by Claire Connelly), clearly from the same photo shoot. If the Dare book had shown the full pose, a la “Keith”, it would have completely changed my perception of “Burn My Hart”.

  11. Kim says:

    I’m sorry in advance for putting this out there, but Golden Streak brings to mind nothing so much as some sort of…pee/poo combo in those tights.

    SORRY. I’m sorry, OK? But the minute I saw that series name, that’s what I thought!

  12. Arijo says:

    The tiger on the Neal cover looks so predatory, I kinda hoped it was m/m (or a tigress) and that Neal would get EATEN!! But after scrolling through 4 pages of results without finding Neal, I came to the conclusion Kathi S. Barton churns out books like a sausage factory and I lost interest. So long Neal, maybe in another life.

    The Alien Elemental Mates have enlightening blurbs: in one book the heroine’s plane crashes bcs her copilot was doing loopings to impress her (while exploring an unknown alien planet? Way to go man) and in another book, the heroine gets lost after she charges in the night – alone! no backup! on an unknown planet! – to chase after an intruder… Maybe instead of an aphrodisiac, this alien planet emits TSTL gaz? (One that also makes hair silky instead of snarly)

  13. Merle says:

    Cover 1: That is definitely not his hair. I think he is being attacked by some sort of hair monster, which is devouring him.

    Cover 2: That tiger definitely plans to bite Neal’s butt. I agree that the author name font and title font on Neal and the other in the series do not belong together.

    Perhaps Poodle joined a motorcycle club in a desperate attempt to get respect despite his name and hair? How does he fit that under a helmet?

  14. PamG says:

    Anyone know what the Ruthless Kings title font is supposed to represent? Is it concrete blocks, dirty paper, what???

  15. spinster.revival says:

    Poodle looks like he’s about to give his hair a trim, and I don’t recommend going that route. When I was 11, I read an article in Teen that said to get layers in your hair you should flip your head upside down and cut the hair across. My mom was not happy about coming home and immediately having to take me to Meijer for an actual haircut to fix my mess… 🙂

  16. MelMc says:

    I have to agree with Merle that Cover 1 shows a hair monster. The shadows around his face look like dark hair with the long white hair plonked on top. The sad dark moustache and eyebrows don’t help the illusion either.

  17. Darlynne says:

    @spinster.revival: Did you put your hair in a pony tail on the top of your head first? We did the same thing in the 70s and some of the girls looked fabulous, a la Farrah Fawcett. NB: “Fabulous” being a word here that means “You will cringe whenever those photographs surface in the future because you thought those days were cool.”

    @DDD: Good morning to you and Zack. My day is brighter already.

  18. spinster.revival says:

    @Darlynne—nope, it was a straight up flip and cut. I’ve since learned in the past 30+ years that putting it in a ponytail sometimes works, but I still can remember trying to look down at the floor and see my hair to cut at the same time, with our two dogs giving me their WTF stare downs. 😉

  19. chacha2 says:

    ‘Succumb to the Storm’ – that is, actually, my hair. Exactly my hair. Except I do not have purple haze and lightning, though I do have a purple HOUSE. I win?

  20. SusanE says:

    I read Neal as Meal, which is exactly what the tiger is thinking…

    And on the Savage Poodle cover, it took me a second look to see his hair spewing out of his forehead in a weird waterfall.

  21. GradStudentEscapist says:

    The tiger on the “Keith” cover looks like a Q Anon supporter who just found out the coup isn’t actually going to happen lol

  22. MsCellanie says:

    @Catherine – for some unknown reason, I had that song in my head this weekend and finally got it to go away… I guess I’m heading for the 90s again.

    I do want to know what the tiger is doing. Is the tiger a matchmaker? Is it loose on the streets of New York and couples fall in love while chasing it?

  23. Gloriamarie Amalfitano says:

    Succumb: I love his hair. I adore long hair n a man. and the longer the better. Although given his last name, I wonder where he gets purple skin, as gorgeous as his body is.

    Keith: like his hair, wish it were longer… Given that Keith seems to be wearing baseball pants, are the Golden Streak a team?

    As for Poodle: there has to be a story about how such a Jason Momoa type acquired such a name, although Jason has much the better hair.

  24. JoJo says:

    Now I MUST know the story with the shifter named Bubbles! This is just the crap of silly that brightens my day! I LIVE for Cover Snark!

  25. Louise says:

    Golden Streak Series: Is this the cover designer’s version of mad libs? Or a design school final project using randomly generated elements? “Sorry, students, I’m afraid the computer has given you {bland male name in inappropriate font} + {second, wildly incompatible font} + {male model in excessively low-cut pants} + {clumsily photoshopped tiger} + {uninspiring background}. Make the most of it.”

  26. Sandra says:

    There’s something weird going on with Neal, besides the obvious. Is he wearing an illusion bodysuit? Look at his neck line and his right arm. That would explain the smooth chest. It’s hidden under a layer of nylon. Or else that head and arms don’t belong to that body.

  27. Kareni says:

    @Catherine, I’m also concerned about Keith’s missing leg. Perhaps the tiger had a snack.

  28. TMary says:

    What’s…what’s wrong with Neal’s face?

    Also, “Poodle” made me literally LOL.

  29. A Reader in Canada says:

    I do look forward to Cover Snark days! Thoughts on the above:
    1. Is the belly button on ‘ol purple hair really his third eye?
    2. Font for Neal and Keith would look great if the stories were about racing cars!
    3. Is Neal’s right arm realy his? It looks to be a completely different colour and at a weird angle.
    4. The direction of Neal’s tiger’s eyes are definitely focused on Neal’s nether region and he’s absolutely thinking ‘Mmm, buns for dinner tonight boys!’.
    5. If you look closely, it appears that Keith might be standing with his left leg crossed over his right leg. Hard to tell with all that white background.
    6. Poodle? With all the words to choose from in the dictionary the best they could find for a MC Ruthless King is Poodle? He must know how to fight because he’d sure have to defend himself a lot with a name like that growing up! Or is it a nod to his personality? Or his top knot? Anyway, although I can’t zoom in close enough on my phone, are those markings on his name floral embellishments? That would be the final stamp of ridiculousness!

  30. Antipodean Shenanigans says:

    Not gonna lie, I would love a kangaroo shifter romance

  31. denise says:

    Just what is Poodle holding in his right hand?

  32. Rosemary says:

    I don’t know. I think the text on Succumb to the Storm could use a little more definition, but I feel it is a decent piece of design. The art has its imperfections, but I don’t feel they’re all that glaring. Someone put in the effort, and it is pretty to look at. If I actually bothered with Amazon, I’d give it a shot.

    Keith, Neal, and Poodle sort of confuse me, but it has little to do with the covers themselves and more of the trends they represent. It’s basically just lightly edited stock photography, the first two with some cosmetic editing and a tiger slapped in there, and the last with a vignette. I recognize there are specific trends in cover design for romance novels and if you break free of them too much people won’t give them a chance. But it is so impersonal.

    I am not a good designer, and I don’t expect other people to be either, and I know it’s expensive to hire people who are. But if people don’t give their romance covers romance, it gives me little hope for what’s under them.

  33. Stacie says:

    @Antipodean Shenanigans
    Eve Langlais has Kangaroo shifters in the FUC series. The Roo and the Angel is one of them.

  34. Kelly says:

    …how would that work with ‘roo shifters, tho? Does the human have peen and balls switched? Is the ‘roo the one who is switched around? Do the peen and balls rotate as part of the shifter process?

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