Welcome back to Cover Snark!
From Alicia: I work in a library and I think your site has corrupted my (already corrupt) brain. I pulled this book for a customer recently and was immediately very concerned for the dog. The look on his face. Someone take that dog away from him and find it a new home!
Sarah: That dog, which I think is an Australian shepherd, does look like it’s giving the side eye to that dude.
“You bought the gross food, my guy. We talked about this. I want Thunder Farts Dog Kibble.”
Elyse: “You’re not my real dad.”
Sarah: “Before you go talk to that girl, we need to discuss whether you’ve licked your own bum today. You kinda stink dude.”
Elyse: That dog just looked at the title and is like “Wait, my dude, what sacrifice? Am I the sacrifice?”
Amanda: Is the dog the sacrifice?
Sarah: “I better not be the sacrifice, buddy, or you will be haunted by shit on your shoes for the rest of your life.”
Elyse: First I thought it said Cramps. Then I saw that it’s a cursed twin hockey romance.
Amanda: Clamps reminds me of the Futurama robot.
Sarah: I’m adding this to my list of “really unsexy words.” Clamps. Ooof.
From Jen: When I saw this, I immediately thought of cover snark. Is the unicorn winking? And what’s up with the guy’s hair? There is a gap in the middle where it’s pushed back.
Sarah: If I could give side-eye as well as that unicorn, my social media would be nothing but.
Amanda: Three phallic looking horns is too many for me.
Sarah: Four, if you count The Side eye Unicorn. Do you think they mean something?
Amanda: That one is way too sharp.
Sarah: the others don’t have a flare though.
Amanda: So what I’m hearing is none of these are safe for insertion.
Sarah: Seems that way. Maybe that explains the dude’s bewildered expression.
I’m fascinated by how they are both in a garden AND in a nebula?
From Heather: So he definitely gets filed under “dudes staring at their junk.” And what is the antler/trophy thingy?
Sarah: I have so many questions. So many. Starting with whether he just found a turkey in his trousers?
Elyse: …into your pecs?
Sarah: Wait, is his obsession whatever it is in his pants that he’s gazing at?
What did he stuff it into? Do I want to know?
Wait, is STUFFING MY OBSESSION about taxidermy…? Or Thanksgiving? I am very confused by the deer antlers, the acorn, and the reference to “love and leftovers.” (Frankly, “leftovers” doesn’t sound good in a romance novel context either.)
So, Stuffing My Obsession is clearly giving fall vibes. I see the acorns and I think those might be supposed to be cranberries. But, why the marijuana leaves?
Give ’em the clamps!
I’m not even sure where to start with these – what an amazing collection!
“Stuffing my obsession” and the antlers made me thinking of taxidermy. Are we sure this is a romance? Eewww.
An aside, what is “true large print”? Is that a specific font size?
@Kate Rose: It may not be a numeric point size, but it’s definitely a category. This one presumably came from a library’s Large Print section–which covers everything from slightly-larger type (restful for my decrepit eyes) to gigantic three-words-to-a-line, last stop before Braille.
What struck me about this book was how redundant the series title is. With that haircut, something tells me it’s not a contender for “This is actually a pretty good book if you can get past the cheesy cover.”
Elsewhere: How did that MAN get so close to the unicorn on Hot Horny Nights? Does the author not know that unicorns can only be approached by female virgins?
I see they have a punster there, with the unicorn on the cover of Hot Horny Nights.
@Louise, I infer that the man is a unicorn shifter looking for a female virgin. And @Jen, I assume the gap in his hairline is where the horn comes out? Is that a Christmas book, BTW? Cuz those brightly lit rainbow horns look to me like either Christmas trees or Christmas tree ornaments, or possibly Christmas lights, which would definitely make them not safe for insertion.
@Kate Rose, I also wondered about the True Large Type. Are the other Large Type books lying? Are they lying about how large they are? Somehow that seems ironic in a romance book…
I keep thinking Clamps is some sort of portmanteau? Like “Clan Grandpas”? Or “Clean Camps”? “Cosmic Lamps”? Any of which are more romantic than obstetrical clamps, which was the first thing that title made me think of.
Save the dog!
I wonder what AI prompt produced the Clamps picture. What is the glowing string thing around her neck and back? Is it decoration? Is it supposed to hold her dress up?
My curiosity could not be contained. I had to look up the plot summary for clamps. I wasn’t expecting sentient object clamps. No really.
“Londyn’s evening takes a detour when she returns to the scene of the party crime to help her friend Cora with some damage control. Taking home a display toy seems like a harmless perk until she decides to use the clamps for some pictures and they turn into two hockey players.”
Still not sure what kind of clamps they are.
As for the obsession stuffer. Author’s (pen?) name is Hart? Deer, deer.
And what are the bundles of eyeballs on stalks that accompany the pot leaves in the background? My questions have questions.
Hot Horny Nights; the latest in the Squatti Potti saga
It seems the unicorn is planning to hook up with the guy, maybe by surprise?!? 🙂
@C: I think my brain just broke.
… I thought the title read “Champs”…
Right there with you, @Darlynne and @C… * incoherent noises *
Is Stuffing My Obsession another book where when rubbed a fully cooked turkey comes out? Is there more than one book like that? I read Full Sack by Layla Fae and that happened. I will never forget that book from stuff your kindle day.
Is that a unicorn in Obsessed‘s pants, or is he just happy to see… a unicorn? Or a Clamp?
those horns remind me of wicks’n’sticks candles.
Laughing tears at the comments. Now I’ll have to disturb the cat in order to get some tissues.
@SusanE It’s a decorative element of the dress, yeah, like a reverse necklace. They don’t usually have that much length to wrap around a fist like that, even if the dress barely covers the butt. the drapey bits tend to go side to side.
but also screams BDSM novel to me, so I’m guessing the clamps are probably specifically nipple clamps.