Caption That Cover: A Throwback

For this caption contest, we’re going Old Skool!

A clinch cover but both parties are scantily clad in questionable furs.

This was sent in to us by Ashley for Cover Snark consideration. Here’s what Ashley said:

I’m kind of afraid of the animal fur dress she’s wearing, but also will not lie to you. I’d probs wear it. It looks fun and warm.

Once I stop looking at the dress though, I notice the man has no pants? So I’m glad he custom fashioned an absolute banger of a dress for her, but can he please make himself some a nice pair of fur pants for himself as well?

Some of these older covers are really worthy of being made into prints and I so wish the image quality was better on these older scans to do so.

Comment below with your caption! Caption that cover however you wish! Want to take guesses on what animal produce that fur? Maybe you have questions on how they get their hair so shiny and soft looking!

The best captioner will receive a $10 bookstore credit to a book retailer of their choosing.

Standard disclaimers apply: We are not being compensated for this giveaway. Void where prohibited. Open to international residents where permitted by applicable law. Must be over 18. We’re not saying that this is the next Met Gala theme, but we’re not not saying it either. Celebs, start planning your wardrobes accordingly! Comments will close Friday, February 21, 2019 around noon ET, and a winner will be announced shortly thereafter.

Good luck!

Comments are Closed

  1. 1
    Luce says:
    1+

    Not competing, just saying: this feels like the very first shampoo commercial. Cave Soap: luscious locks for him and her!

  2. 2
    Amy! says:
    1+

    Luce, after your comment I had to look closely, and I’d say it’s an advertisement for an entire line of hygiene products. Look at the clear glow on that woman’s skin! Not a blemish, and no sunburn on that pale skin! And while one might argue that there are people with natural lips and eyelashes like hers, my money’s on lipstick and mascara.

    As for him, although He Has No Pants, he does have an amazingly close, clean shave without nicks or stubble to go with that gloriously clean and conditioned mane of hair. There’s a vague possibility that his legs have picked up some dust (in contrast to her squeaky clean-ness), but his manicurist is obviously on the job, and a top professional, without a doubt.

    But surely this is a fantasy, because apart from the improbably impeccable hygiene of these two, the landscape is purple (water, soil, and trees), but the sky is on fire.

    It’s The End of the World, and She Feels Fine, He Said.

  3. 3
    Lepiota says:
    1+

    Pantquest: I have found my Huntress / Tanner / Seamstress and will never be cold again:

  4. 4
    OK says:
    1+

    The Caveman’s Vixen: A Love Story

    Also, for my peace of mind, I’m going to keep thinking that he has a matching loincloth that the dress obscures.

  5. 5
    The Other Kate says:
    1+

    Before he hunted John Connor, the T-1000 went deep undercover in the Stone Age. The target’s club was no match for his KNIFE ARMS!

  6. 6
    Amy says:
    1+

    So no caption, but I read her books back in the day, and she always had really wild sex scenes for historicals, with dildos and very explicit shenanigans taking place. I’m pretty sure I read this one but check out Forbidden. It is just bonkers.

  7. 7
    mishukitty says:
    1+

    “Members of the hair extension club!”

  8. 8
    Sandra says:
    1+

    I have a Sherpa throw that I got in a Christmas white elephant that looks exactly like that “dress” she’s wearing, only with fringe. I will say that it is incredibly soft and snuggly. So maybe all he wants her for is her dress. And agree with @Amy!, they are some really well-groomed cave people. Waxed from head to toe.

  9. 9
    EC Spurlock says:
    1+

    Even in the Stone Age there were well-heeled Dukes. When you own a herd of 500 mammoths, you don’t need pants to be respected.

  10. 10
    Heather says:
    1+

    Oh no! The dandelion dress has gone to see again!

  11. 11
    Heather says:
    1+

    Um, ‘seed.’

  12. 12
    Linda says:
    1+

    “Holy crap, she’s heavier than she looks!”

  13. 13
    Caren Bevill says:
    1+

    Hey baby, I lurve your chin.

  14. 14
    Qualisign says:
    1+

    We’re looking at a prehistoric Sir Walter Raleigh with Sir Caves-a-lot throwing his loin cloth into the river and realizing it wasn’t going to cut it, so up goes Lady Hair-in-the-Wind making Sir Caves look particularly well hung.

  15. 15
    Lisa F says:
    1+

    A little sex to put some hair on your chest…and back…and side…

  16. 16
    denise says:
    1+

    Adam and Eve: Gone Rogue and Wild

  17. 17
    DiscoDollyDeb says:
    1+

    “Wait, wait—I’m having a vision of the future: our love will be immortalized on some sort of painting. You’re carrying me and, oh, my hair looks amazing…but what the f*ck is that thing I’m wearing?”

  18. 18
    angela says:
    1+

    Fred and Wilma Before They Were Famous

  19. 19
    Vellw says:
    1+

    “How many muppets must die to clothe his beloved? The answer is blowing in the wind hair.”

  20. 20
    Cirlot says:
    1+

    “Is this sabre tooth tiger pelt, cave bear or dire wolf?” Dh’an asked as Zhana cuddled close. “Not to make things awkward, but I have an allergy.”

  21. 21
    Rich F. says:
    1+

    “Damn! That’s not AstroGlide, it’s Krazy Glue!”

  22. 22
    Anne says:
    1+

    Pants are for the weak!

  23. 23
    diane turner says:
    1+

    Love the cover! Its about time that the covers get spiced up again especially when I have looked at alot of books that the covers are so drab looking that I have to read what the book is about. As soon as I saw the cover I had no questions, I was already trying to buy the book. Hell I would have traded places. I really commend you for being brave and stepping out there and bring back the look of some of the best authors I have ever read in thirty years. As far as anyone getting upset about the fur issue. Come on give me a break. It is the cover of a book that I am betting is going to bring in alot of sales. Please keep me posted on the release cause like I said I am already to buy it. I may not have wrote according to the directions, but I let my heart control my fingers as they ran across the keys and I listened to my gut. Congratulations on the cover and I can’t wait to get my hands on this book. Blaze is going to be a winner

  24. 24
    Escapeologist says:
    1+

    Not competing, just had to shout out to @Amy and @Angela above. Thank you for the snortlaughs!

  25. 25
    MsCellanie says:
    1+

    Gen 3:21 (lost version) The Lord God made garments of skin for Eve, but Adam declined saying he thought the fig leaves seemed sufficient.

  26. 26
    Lara says:
    1+

    His Wanton Wildebeest 🙂

  27. 27
    Todd says:
    1+

    I would welcome a revival of the wild and crazy covers for e-books – the big advantage is that no one else can see the cover when you’re reading it on the train!

  28. 28
    KarenF says:
    1+

    When Alice followed the Pinterest hack instructions on how to turn a 15 dollar IKEA TEJN sheepskin rug into a fashionable cocktail dress, she had no idea it would lead to a fateful encounter with a mysterious stranger in an IKEA SEJERBY toupee. Nailed it!

  29. 29
    Tracie W says:
    1+

    How to be a gentleman. . .

    Step one- Carry your lady across the water so her dress will not smell like wet dog

    Step two- . . .

  30. 30
    JudyW says:
    1+

    “Thank you for saving my ikea rug from the purple dye.”

  31. 31
    Procrastinator Extraordinaire says:
    1+

    Their passions were matched, their desires boundless, all borne on an endless wave of Garnier Fructise Full and Plush Shampoo and Conditioner.

  32. 32
    Kareni says:
    1+

    Fur kilts and boa dresses…a winning combo!

  33. 33
    Quidnunc says:
    1+

    I am so glad that started at this and pondered grooming questions

  34. 34
    Quidnunc says:
    1+

    Sorry, I meant to say I was glad to not be alone when I stared at that and only thought of grooming questions.

  35. 35
    Megan says:
    1+

    So that’s where the dandelion seeds go!

  36. 36
    TMary says:
    1+

    I’m not competing, but I’d really like to know what kind of wind manages to blow her hair backwards but leaves his completely alone.

    Also, @OK, I too hope for his sake, hers, and mine, that he is wearing something behind that fur dress.

  37. 37
    Trix says:
    1+

    Clan of the Cave Yeti

  38. 38
    PamG says:
    1+

    ‘I’d run my fingers through your raven locks, dear, but…my dress bit them off.”

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