It’s Cover Snark day! Buckle in for some good ones and as always, try not to read while eating or drinking. It can be a hazard!
Amanda: The face on that third baby is killing me.
Sarah: Eyebrow baby? Third from left?
“I got all these people here. Now to enact my plan!”
Amanda: Oh, he’s totally scheming his way to get out of the mountains.
Amanda: I feel like this romance could go so many ways depending on the tone and enunciation of “Abby, get your groom!”
“Abby, get your groom! He’s wasted on Jaeger and flamin’ hot cheetos again and he’s startling the heifers!”
Carrie: Lovely photo, worst title ever.
Abby, get your groom! He ate the wrong mushrooms and now he’s grabbing people by the arm and yelling, “Did you know that you can sync The Wizard of Oz and The Dark Side of the Moon PERFECTLY?”
Redheadedgirl: Abby, get your groom! He’s wearing white socks with his sandals! AGAIN!
Carrie: Abby, get your groom! He’s at the chips and dips table and he’s double dipping!
From Regina: In which the snow princess attempts to eat the mustache off a 70s prom king.
Amanda: I’m betting you could see the heroine’s rouge and eyeshadow from space.
Sarah: He doesn’t know that she hid the eggs of her science project in his ‘stache, and it’s time to collect them.
From Eva!
Amanda: Real subtle, but also kind of…small.
Sarah: I’m not impressed with the scope of his legislation at all.
I would totally watch Escape FROM the Country crossed with Rugrats.
Dare I hope the foreheadless men trend is equal opportunity sexual objectification (Cf headless women of Hollywood)?
Re Kingmaker…I’m seeing a domed building of state as a cowpat.NO. Damn you, Smart Beasties.
“Abby, get your groom! His racist uncle is screaming obscenities in the parking lot!”
The cover for Wilder is amazing! The muscles and babies give you a pretty good idea of what to expect,I think. It’s part of a series and dune of those covers are actually “better” (here, better means worse).
I came across this on DA’s new releases immediately after reading the Beauty and the Beast review. (See comment about Beauty wearing a couch.) And thought it would make for great cover snark. She’s not wearing the couch, she is the couch.
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B06XG1NPJD/ref=series_dp_rw_ca_2
The Kingmaker cover recalls Pete Seeger’s song “Newspaper Men”: “I’ve met a man who sat upon a steeple. Just where the point was I could never see…”
Abby get your Groom! Great ad needs the Proce is Right theme song and the line “Will hi. Come on down or will she trade him in for a chance at a new car?”
I’m seeing a lot of naked-man-with-baby covers lately. They must be squeezing the babies like olives to get the baby oil with which they grease their bulging, veiny torsos.
for the best man w/ baby cover, I give you the ‘shifters in the spring’ anthology: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/29774075-shifters-in-the-spring?from_search=true (sorry, you’ll need to copy/paste the link to view it, but trust me, soooooo worth it for the serious WTF look on the poor baby!)
@tikaanidog: Oh my god. That man’s biceps are bigger than the baby he’s holding.
or I guess just click it!
Ummmmmmmmmm.
Wilder got me jumping back because DID NO ONE THOUGHT THAT THROUGH?! Romance has a rule. “The peeps on the cover are the ones who are banging.” So 1 dude – other adult + The Rugrats = me reaching for the brain bleach.
Snow Princess, oh God. Who let Magnum P.I. out of his playpen?
Dude on the Snow Princess Cover is a ringer for Ian McShane circa 1976.
Re: Snow Princess cover — I read “70s porn king.” Which, if the ‘stache fits…
Also, superimposing four cute babies over that semi-naked (possibly completely naked???) muscle-man just strikes me as a horribly gross combo. He got greased up to babysit? Blech.
@Zyva – I’ve definitely seen a lot of headless male torsos on paranormal covers.
The heroine on the Snow Princess cover looks like she wishes Mustache Guy hadn’t ordered the shrimp scampi with extra garlic for dinner.
@Althea Claire Duffy – ‘Sexy beast’ type of sex objects, are they? Too headless horseman for me.
Can I just mention that I am impressed with how *clean* the rugged Mountain Man has managed to keep not one, but FOUR babies!!!
@Mina Lobo – me too, re. the 70s porn king!
I didn’t realize it WASN’T porn king, until I read the comments. 🙂
Mountain Man’s head seems too small for that body. I am mildly curious to know how he got stuck with quadruplets.
Abby, get your groom to the orthodontist. Something broke when you two banged your teeth together!
Snow Princess seems too old for Tom Selleck
Kingmaker cover bores me.
Actually, I think the Snow Princess looks like a very badly made up drag queen in a bad wig – no offense meant to drag queens – I’ve seen some really gorgeous drag queens.
Snow Princess looks like she is in pain from the smooshed boobs. Maybe that’s why her cheeks are so red.
I also read porn king. Then I saw the fluffy shirt and said, oh, PROM king. I get that.
Clearly I have read too many historical romances, because all I could think was along the lines of: “Abby, get your groom! He’s brawling with the Duke’s second footman, and your coachman is holding their coats, so who’s going to see to the horses?”
I think “Wilder” is from an “Oprah’s Favorite Things Gone Haywire” episode: “You get a baby! You get another baby! Guess what – You get a third baby! Oh, oh, oh – hold out your hands! You’re getting baby number four! And a brand new MINI-VAN!”.
And “Snow Princess” looks embalmed. Very, very poorly embalmed.
Eyebrow baby looks like he is so done with the situation. He’s like “I put on a nappy (diaper) for this?! Someone call my agent! And get me a bottle, stat!”
I thought Mountain Man might have been the hero of a lactation erotica, cos those moobs are big, y’all. He could probably handle the care and feeding of ALL those kids.
Anyone else think the heroine on Snow Princess looks more like the madam of a brothel than a sweet young thing?
@Gloriamarie: See, I wasn’t thinking quadruplets. I figured that Big Burly Mountain Man had knocked up four women at the same time. Seriously, that’s where I went when I saw this.
Also, another hash mark for porn king instead of prom king.
@Nancy C, considering all those babies look the same age, I just assumed some poor woman had a litter. OTOH, knocking up four women at the same time who gave birth at the same time. Can you imagine the scene in the maternity ward as each woman offers Big Burly Mountain Man as the name of the father of her child and all the women overhear each other?
#1 – The sexy shadowy muscle man + the cute softly lit babies is jarring, and disconcerting, and icky
#4 – Do you think they thought, “Don’t use the Washington Monument, that would be too obvious.”
I’m channeling Abby, Get Your Groom to the tune of “Annie Get Your Gun” by Squeeze