You can all thank Theresa Romain for pointing out to me that there was a sequel to The Billionaire Dinosaur Forced Me Gay. If you haven’t read the review for part one go do that because I’m not explaining twice how dinosaurs took over the world economy.

I found that part two of the erotic tug-of-war between dinosaur Oliver Anderson (yes, his fucking name is Oliver Anderson and he’s a dinosaur) and human John was as disappointing as the first. Once again, rather than explore the nuances in human/dinosaur interpersonal relationships, Mr. Fox took the easy way out and as a result this book is largely about Oliver forcing his giant reptilian penis into John’s rectum. More questions were raised than were answered, and I think that 3500 words were hardly enough for convincing world building and character growth.

This book opens with John looking for revenge against his former boss, Oliver. Oliver is a billionaire dinosaur tycoon (I know, another tycoon book) who previously discarded John after he used him sexually.

Running parallel to Oliver and John’s crumbling relationship, overall human/dino relations are suffering as well:

For years we had remained peaceful with the beasts but mostly recently there had been subtle changes which were undeniable. Segregation that was favoring them instead of us humans now. College graduates who were dinosaurs had the option to attend two ceremonies, one for the entire university and another only for dinosaurs. Humans weren’t allowed inside nor did we have the equivalent of the same ceremony. It started off small with instances like that, soon moving into bigger segregation. Dinosaur’s votes in elections began counting as more than human votes. Their case of course was that they were an older species, therefore much wiser. Soon enough humans were only allowed to walk to work and school, dinosaurs controlled all motorways and air traffic. Their argument was that it was unsafe for humans to drive or fly on the same roadways as the behemoth creatures like T-Rex and Brachiosaurus. The dinosaur lawyers who in the end won the Supreme Court case, claimed it was all for our own safety. Again we fell to them and took what we could.

You guys have no idea how hard it was for me to retype that quote and NOT correct the glaring grammar errors. Also apparently people are flying on motorways now.

Anyway, it got worse:

Television shows were no longer portraying human families in sitcoms. Every show had replaced the homo sapien actors with our prehistoric “friends.” New Girl was now starring Zed Le’Frank a female Spinosaurus. Mad Men became almost unwatchable due to the fact that Don Draper was now played by a flamboyant Velcoiraptor. Game of Thrones was made up of an entire cast of Triceratops, all of whom had never even acted before.

Wow. First they came for the graduation ceremonies, and I did not speak out because I was not a graduate. Then they came for the voters, and I did not speak out because I hate Super Tuesday. Then they came for the motorways, and I did not speak out for I had a revoked license. Then they came for Zooey Deschanel–and that was just too fucking much.

Anyway, John discovers that Oliver wasn’t content taking over the financial world. Oh no, he’s going to revolutionize space travel now too, and is going into space. I’m not sure if that was a subtle poke at Richard Branson, but whatever.

Let’s all take a minute to reflect on the fact that this book involves a guy fucking a dinosaur in space. Have you questioned the life choice that brought you to this review yet? Good.

So John comes up with a plan to somehow get vengeance on Oliver, although that plan is never explained because we call came here for the dino butt-fucking so who cares. John steals a uniform and sneaks aboard the spaceship. Oliver finds him and once again there is dubiously consensual sex and a sea of dino jizz:

He let out a massive roar as he began to get closer and closer to climax, moving my ass up and down on his slick T-Rex cock. With one arm, he reached up and held my neck, choking me while he fucked me. It felt so good even though I was losing my breath. I deserved every bit of this and would have done anything at this point to please Oliver. Suddenly he let out another roar, shooting his massive load of dinosaur cum inside of me.

I think we’ve reached the zenith of digital publishing, folks. Once the words “shooting his massive load of dinosaur cum inside of me” are available to downloaded to your e-reader for just $2.99, humanity has no work left to do.

Someday the sentient lemur-species that replaces us after our extinction will look upon this as the moment human culture reached it’s apex and began to die.

But I take issue with all of this.

First of all, the structure of the spaceship was never discussed. I mean, if this book takes place in an alternate reality present day, I have to assume it’s a space shuttle but how the fuck does a dinosaur fit on that? I’m guessing it’s a really big space shuttle? But then how does John sneak on board? For a dinosaur billionaire tycoon and a fucking space program, they have the shakiest security ever.

Also there’s somehow artificial gravity on this spaceship. That or the author thought a T-Rex billionaire space entrepreneur forcibly sodomizing a man in zero-g would be just too much for the audience to handle. I actually just assume Mr. Fox may have been so enraptured at the thought of a sea of dino jizz that he just forgot gravity was a thing.

One mystery that was solved was what kind of dinosaur Oliver is. In the first book he remains a shadowy emotionally bereft mystery man, the reptilian version of Christian Grey (except honestly I liked him more). Now we know he’s a T-Rex.

Of course, this makes the sex impossible, in my humble opinion.

I know, I know, you’re all like “Elyse, how can you be so critical of the anatomical plausibility of a T-Rex and a human man having anal sex? Is there no end to your skepticism?”

Look, we don’t know how big dino dicks were. I touched on that last time. Sure, John refers to Oliver’s penis as being massive, but he offers no frame of reference. So is it massive in comparison to a human penis or massive in comparison to a sequoia? I mean, maybe it’s just big by John’s standards, and therefore plausible that it wouldn’t, say, kill him when it’s forced into his anus.

But in this sex scene, Oliver picks John up and forces him up and down on his penis and I call bullshit. How do his teeny T-Rex arms even manage that? Shenanigans, I tell you. Unless maybe he was using two of those grabber devices you get after back surgery. Even then, with all the lube, you’d think it’d be pretty slippery. And yes, Oliver just conveniently carries lube everywhere. Even into space, apparently.

Once again, I’m forced to fail another gay dino-erotica book. The author’s clear lack of research into space travel and refusal to address salmonella poisoning made the story of a T-Rex billionaire choking a dude while butt-fucking him just too unbelievable. Zero stars.