Welcome back to Cover Snark!
From Melodie: I can appreciate not all cover models being waxed, but I’m not sure this is the alternative. What is going on? Flocking gun accident? His girlfriend practicing her eyelash extension technique on his chest? The grown result of all those half werewolf/half human babies that the urban fantasy genre finds in their epilogues?
Sarah: I think I could sand down splinters with his pecs.
Amanda: I’m giggling at Melodie’s description and the thought that he rolled around in a pile of falsies.
From Syntha: I can’t even with this guy’s smirk.
Sarah: I bet he’s friends with that smirky git on the Julie Anne Long cover.
Amanda: What in the Mr. Beast. I hate everything about this
Kiki: “Nothing with the word hummus written that big on it can be good unless it’s a thing of hummus.”—Matt
I don’t entirely know what he means, but I get it.
Maya: Sorry sorry is this a vegan werewolf shifter romance? Can it be a werewolf shifter romance if there is no wolf on the cover?
Tara: What in the photoshop horrors happened to the one side of his face?
From Karen H: Nothing particularly remarkable (good or bad) about this cover EXCEPT for whatever that is on the top of his head. The description on the page doesn’t really tell me what that is on his head since it only says he’s in town for a “project.” But my best guess would be a hard hat for some construction.
Sarah: Those are undies. Prove me wrong.
He went out to work with tighty whities on his noggin.
Claudia: I think that’s a tinfoil hat!!!
Sarah: Nooooo.
Maybe he’s afraid of lighting? So the foil protects him from sparks?
Nope, I figured it out. I have to use finger cots to medicate the cats. He has one on his head. Rekindling with Cothead.
From Rebecca: As someone living in a certified mukluk climate I had to pass this cover on, which is incomprehensible in many ways, the cover outfit of slinky green dress and mukluks being only the beginning of the experience
Carrie: Mmm as a former Alaskan resident yes can confirm, we dress like this daily also this is exactly what our dogs look like, they are giants with extra long toothpick legs, excellent for snow.
Sarah: Did the giant bear dog just bring a holiday ornament and drop it in the snow so swordy mukluk gown lady can play fetch? Honestly it’s the only part of this image that makes sense.
I immediately forwarded this to my ER doctor boyfriend and went, they photoshopped him into having a stroke! Regarding Hummus on Rye.
Mr Rekindling is a secret member of Devo, that’s why his hat is white.
Ms Hostile is doing one-legged squats to work on her (admittedly very shapely) glutes. I don’t think that is the best defensive posture, however! And is that a tree skirt wrapped around her arm?
There is nothing sexy about hummus. That is all.
According to the book description on Goodreads, the thing wrapped around Ms Hostile’s arm is an ugly holiday sweater.
https://www.goodreads.com/en/book/show/222976440-hostile-holiday
@ C: an ugly holiday sweater
Oh, that makes sense. Weapon in right hand, left arm heavily wrapped as an improvised shield for protection from, uh, something that’s more immediately threatening than the ambient climate, and which possibly explains why she didn’t have time to do more than pull on her boots. But what is it? The cover artist has left out what should be the most riveting part of the scene.
Did you ever get to play with iron shavings and a magnet in science class? #1 definitely been having some fun with a pile of iron shavings.
Ms. Hostile: “How dare you criticize our costume choices? If my horse wants to dress up as a dog that’s his business!”
The dead eyes with that smirk on the Hummus on Rye cover are really disturbing.
@DonnaMaire –
We had little cardboard toys filled with iron filings that you could use to put a beard on a funny face! Do you think that a full body version would sell?
Mukluk lady is very pink? Is she chapped? Well, I guess that’s a realistic touch then.
@Jazzlet – If you cover up the dark side of the hummus face, he looks relatively normal. Then cover up the light side and he looks like a zombie coming to kill you. Yikes!
Smutty: Somehow the body hair on this is giving me a “fur as sketched by Albrecht Durer” vibe.
Hummus: Did they enlarge one side of his face from just above the eyebrow to right below the lips? Also, I loath attempts to decide who isn’t a “real” whatever it is.
Rekindling: A photo-realistic painting of a mannequin wearing a plastic something weirdly reminiscent of a condom. Hmm.
Hostile Holiday: There’s something creepy about weird dog’s face. Also, that sword looks way too heavy for her arms. And why does the bottom of her dress appear to be melting?
Rekindling Sparks guy is wearing a white Devo flowerpot on his head.
The Hostile Holiday chick’s body is completely out of whack.
Sparky’s helmet looks like the one they used on condemned prisoners who were electrocuted.
And is the smirk the Hummus cover model’s standard expression? I’m pretty sure it’s the same guy – or his twin – on the Long cover.
@DangerNoodle: It reminded me of Devo, too. But also underwear. So I sent it in to hear other people’s impressions
I think Mr. Sparks has a Tupperware bowl on his head.
Also, rye is the last thing you want to put hummus on, unless they’re signaling it’s some kind of cross-cultural romance. I’m sorry to say that I had to look up the book on Amazon, and REAL WEREWOLVES DON’T EAT MEAT is actually a series. There’s a tofu book, veggie burger, tempeh…
@SusanE @Jazzlet –
Do you think maybe that was intentional? To signal that even though he looks like a dork he’s really a werewolf in disguise?
@C–
A toy where you use a magnet tool to cover a man’s body with iron filing body hair would give a whole new meaning to “build a Bear”…
The GoodReads description of HOSTILE HOLIDAY is amaaaaazing: Orla escapes a party where her family tells her they want her organs and ends up in another realm fighting for her life with only an ugly holiday sweater to defend her. Good thing she learns fast.
Lol, I initially thought Sparky had a menstrual cup on his head.
Dark Smutty: Yes, hooray – body hair! Actually, his doesn’t seem like too much hair to me, as I’m married to someone every bit as hairy as that. However, this guy seems to have waxed his stomach but nothing else.
Rekindling Sparks: He is definitely wearing a very large plumbers’ plunger. Better not asked what it was used for or where it’s been.
Hostile Holiday: The outfit, weird as it is, doesn’t bug me as much as that wolf/horse hybrid.
Sparky’s clearly just had a pudding basin haircut. When that thing comes off his head… oh dear.