Welcome back to Cover Snark!
From Pam G: Just the ticket for a cold winter night.
Sarah: HE NEEDS TO SEE A DOCTOR IMMEDIATELY.
That much red should not be coming out of any region of the body, let alone THAT ONE.
Lara: He’s really squeezing the wiener…
From MegCat: That glowing green smoke suggests that something smells really bad, which explains his irritated expression. That torso also looks a bit off at first glance (but it’s better zoomed up close).
Sarah: First, I misread the author name as Ima Bitch, which, fine, own your strengths. But, uh, did the dragon prince fart? IS HIS MAGIC THE FART?
Also, why is the drawstring on his sweatpants so distracting?
Lara: Dragon farts!
Elyse: There’s someone for everybody I guess?
Sarah: I haven’t celebrated Christmas in a long ass time, but is blood a new decorating motif? I mean, Nothing says spooky and sweet like ample blood spatter patterns.
Lara: Is cinnamon a Christmas thing? An embalming thing? Both???
From J: This cover was redesigned. Can you believe it?!
Maya: That cannot be real. How? Also, who’s?
Sarah: If you can be anything in the world…
Lara: There is only one way to read that title. Just the one.
always be anus?!!!! ROFL
Somebody needs remedial photoshop lessons: Fire Guy’s phoenix “tattoo” extends beyond his arm onto the background.
Yikes – the Firebrand’s arm looks like tooled leather.
At first glance, I read the second title as “the Bacon Prince”. I’m blaming a long stormy night and lack of coffee, but now I’m craving bacon
That last one – just wow. On purpose or accident? Discuss.
Our Dragon Prince looks like his upper body is melting. Maybe toxic dragon farts. He needs to be saved from his own poisonous flatulence.
THE FIREBRAND has a little face on his torso! In the center, just below his pecs, 2 closed eyes and a nose. Also, due to bad contrast I thought the top banner said, “Vernight Publishing” until I was just about to scroll past to the next image for the second time.
THE DRAGON PRINCE’S MAGIC is about to fail, allowing his sweatpants to finally fall all the way off. (Kudos to Sarah for noticing they are there!) The green creature seems to be made of Northern Lights but emanating from his southern regions — confusing! And I guess it’s meant to be a dragon but it looks more like a vulture, which is concerning.
THE LONELY MORTICIAN has a bottle of formaldehyde on the cover — a smell that screams “romance” (and “Christmas”)! I used to know someone who had worked at the Mütter Museum and lost much of their sense of smell from overexposure to formaldehyde.
ALWAYS BE ANUS sounds like a motivational slogan. It reminds me of this motivational poster from https://www.buzzfeed.com/joannaborns/realistic-new-years-resolutions.
Also now that I actually look at the cover image, I guess “ALWAYS BE ANUS” is that guy’s motto.
Sadly I don’t think there is a photo shop tattoo fail on The Firebrand cover, I think his arm is meant to be that ridiculously wide, if you look at the right arm there is a similar lighter area, but a blood vessel continues into it.The light coming from below and apparently all around too is making physically unlikely shadowed and lighted parts.
The Lonely Mortician isn’t very professional, while the bottle is labelled CH2O, or formaldehyde, it clearly contains blood. The properties of these liquids are very different, and that cover is a lesson in why you should keep liquids in the original containers unless you have another correctly labelled bottle.
The Lonely Mortician has a GREAT cover — for a different genre. This is exactly the vibe for a Christmas mystery! It reads cozy or cozy-adjacent,lots of bodies dropping, no gore. A nice poisoning or two. I’d read it.
Anyone else now have “Always be my anus” sung in the tune of “Always be my baby?”
Some people just can’t seem to let go of the fact that Unus Anus is over.
Always be anus is gong to replace Always be Closing in this household.
@Lara, cinnamon is a Christmas thing. Wasn’t sure if the question was serious or not, but just in case, it is. It’s not just a spice, it is the bark from a tree.
Cinnamon was used to mask the taste of poisons.
In days of yore, they did use some spices to combat odors of cadavers in Egypt and some ancient Romans used it for funeral pyres.
That’s not a book title.
It’s part of the job description for every job at DOGE.
The only reason the author hasn’t been sued for trademark infringement yet is that the former head of DOGE and the current President are fighting over who owns the mark in direct messages on someone else’s social media platform.
If Always Be Anus is the hit single, then surely Always Bean Us is the B-side remix, right?
(Goodness, though, that title just keeps on giving!)
@Annie OMG I almost sprained my lungs laughing at that. I need to avoid listening to Mariah while I’m driving anytime soon, don’t want to have to explain that I crashed because I was laughing about “always be my anus”
I suspect the ALWAYS BE ANUS cover demonstrates why authors should not repeatedly piss off their cover designer, and/or other important people at their publisher’s office.
LONELY MORTICIAN: perhaps the mortician is lonely because it’s hard to find people who share their strangely specific “Christmas & embalming” kink.
Does anyone else see theater curtains framing FIREBRAND’s abs, and a small set of scales right below where his pecs meet?