Welcome back to Cover Snark!
From Sara: And this guy – he seems to be enjoying his solo quality nipple time, while still giving us the full on bro chin lift.
Sarah: I’m so proud that he found his nipples. Good job, Bulldog!
Amanda: A reminder to schedule your mammograms!
Sneezy: Anyone else get disappointed when there’s no dog when someone says dog? Like, yay, have fun with your nipples, so happy for you, WHERE IS THE DOG THOUGH??? THE TITLE SAYS SOMETHING ABOUT A DOG!!!
From Melodie: Backstage shot at The Bachelor where Mr. Reluctant is trying to figure out just where his life went so wrong that he ended up on The Bachelor. Behind him the Rose God is feasting on his sorrow.
Sarah: You think that’s the rose god’s portal?
Elyse: No but I think I had that Ken.
Sneezy: Maybe if he feels Kenough, he’ll be more enthusiastic.
Elyse: Pink eye is a real bitch.
Amanda: I do have questions about the mermaid downstairs business.
Elyse: Me too.
Tara: Looks like he does too.
Elyse: “Go away helicopter! I’m trying to figure out sex with my mermaid girlfriend!”
Sarah: Emergency Visine coming in hot!
Amanda: The next logical event would be her blasting the helicopter out of the sky with her laser eyes.
Sarah: I mean, how dare they interrupt half fishy sexxytimes
Sneezy: Villainy!!! Lunacy!!!! Burn them down from the skies!!!
From Liz: Oh. Oh, no thank you.
Sarah: Agree, pass.
No arrangements nor assassins needed, we’re good.
(Is that a LIVESTRONG bracelet??)
Elyse: What the fuck is he wearing?
Sarah: Nylon straps from a flatbed truck?
Lara: He needs to hydrate as a matter of urgency. Where is Dr Nips with the IV fluids?
Amanda: I feel like you can’t be a good assassin if you’re constantly busting out of your shirts.
Sneezy: Maybe he thinks he’s invisible and only needs to take off his clothes to be unseen.
For ETS, his lower half is a boulder? Good luck with figuring out the logistics of that.
That second one looks just like Jeremy Northam!
Does Stephanie Beatriz know that her face has been photoshopped onto a mermaid with pinkeye? How do the individual scales come together to give her boobs such good lift, especially backless?
@Emily: I was thinking young Alec Baldwin. And is the last dude wearing a body suit? There’s something about the wrinkles across the pecs, like the stuffing got bunched up.
@Sandra: You’re right! The last guy didn’t read the care instructions and just threw his muscle suit in the washer and dryer. Now his foam muscles are all clumped up and the colors ran. He had to wear it to the assassination anyway because he can’t admit he waited until beyond the last minute to do his laundry. He’s smirking at the other assassins mocking him but he’s crying inside because he knows how he looks.
I do need to schedule my mammogram so this is timely! Dude looks like tennis player Nick Kyrgios who is an unpleasant human being.
If I met a man who looked the that last one, I would be running away screaming. Ewww!
I’m trying to figure out sex with my mermaid girlfriend!
Wasn’t that the whole point of the Little Mermaid? She desperately wants to bifurcate at the waist so she can have sex with human men.
There’s a fair number of children’s books in which the main character turns out to be a mermaid. My favorite features a scene where our ordinary human girl is having a bath, looks down and sees a fish tail. She naturally SCREAMS for her father (mother is dead); he comes running, takes one look and says “Your mother and I were afraid this would happen.”
I’m a fan of UK’s Red Dwarf. The Cat dated a mermaid (in virtual reality), but she was fish on top and female on the bottom. When a friend comments “I thought she’d be female on top and fish on the bottom,” Cat says, “No, that’s the stupid way!”
Bulldog has something weird going on around his Adonis belt.
Hero is definitely someone from The Bachelor, a 1980s version.
Siren… not sure she wants the seggsy times–check out her eyes.
Assassin… are those suspenders or supposed to be a back holster? Doesn’t quite look right.
Weirdly, I saw someone with a concealed weapon in a restaurant yesterday–he lifted his arm to put on a jacket, and his sweatshirt raised and revealed it–and I wasn’t sure what to think/do. He may have a permit to carry, but we’re not an open carry state.
you guys, tattoos show up on mammograms and have to be marked for the radiologist…..
At least Bulldog isn’t doing the peen check!
Because of how yellow the background is for Mr. Reluctant, I thought the author’s name was ‘Lemon Worth’ which was rather fitting…
that last guy– a tree is gonna burst out of his arms and then he will forever have to lug them around wherever he goes.
sara’s solo nipple quality time made me LOL. also, thank you for the mammogram reminder. I actually got mine scheduled as a result!!
ETS: “But I can’t swim! How am I supposed to do that on this boulder?” (Look up “salmon reproduction”…)
@denise As someone who lives in an open carry state… If they have the weapon actually holstered in concealed fashion they likely have a CCW Permit. If it’s been shoved into their waistband… probably not… but with the laws as written, unless somebody has their weapon in hand (“brandishing”), you can’t do anything (like call law enforcement) about it. (I just double checked, half of the states in the US allow concealed carry without a permit, which seems crazy to me. The permit requires education and practice (like drivers licences) and seems like common sense.)
If you work in an establishment that is “weapons free” and you see someone carrying concealed, you can ask them to leave. I work at a public library, and we have weapons lockers for that purpose. I’ve also had customers come up to the desk open carrying and I have had to tell them that they need to lock it up. The normally say “oops” and leave or comply.
Regardless, I’m sorry you had that experience, it can be quite unsettling.