Welcome back to Cover Snark!
From Jen: Maybe it’s me but this head does not look natural on this body.
Sarah: Definitely not the head that body came with. Also, is that the dude from Downton Abbey?
Elyse: Looks like Sebastian Stan to me.
Maya: It looks like BBL Spaceman had one too many surgeries.
…
I think we need some input from all of you!
Sneezy: Why is his left hand in a different plane of existence than the rest of everything? Are push-up bras in fashion again? Where did her legs go? Are those flying jellyfish? Inquiring minds want to know
Shana: I wish more covers incorporated flying jellyfish.
Sarah: I too am most curious about the glowy flying jellyfish! Like, are they buddies? Do they follow the Cursed One around like little night lights?
Shana: Something is wrong with their bodies but I can’t put my finger on what…
Elyse: They look like mannequins.
Sarah: The one on the right has a very very long sternum.
And the hand on the shoulder seems detached? Not touching anything?
Katee Roberts quoted someone when I interviewed her saying that looking for AI in a cover is like trying to see the fae.
That’s how this feels.
From Kareni: Here is a cover to consider for cover snark. Frankly, I have a difficult time figuring out what I am looking at.
Sarah: WHEEEEEEEE!
Elyse: Does he have to pee? Is that why he’s pulling on his pants?
Unfortunate font choice – anyone else read the first one as “stain-crossed”?
It’s true, you can never have enough abs.
I read Stan crossed.
@Kit, and “stan-crossed” is the perfect description for the head transplant.
Star Crossed Captive looks like an angry Aidan Turner to me.
@Kate Rose – I read Stair-Crossed, which sounds like some kind of new fitness craze.
That last cover is soooo disturbing. It’s like his torso is being extruded from his pants.
Does that last one take place on the event horizon of a black hole?
I zoomed in on the hands on that last cover. Don’t do it. Do not.
To me it looks like the guy in the last cover is shooting downward so fast he is hanging on to his pants so he doesn’t lose them entirely. And I think he has a few extra sets of abs.
Is there some kind of DEI Font Rule that says each individual book cover must use one (1) serif font, one (1) sans-serif font, and one (1) illegible cursive font? Or have designers simply failed to grasp that you’re allowed to distribute them randomly–two here, two there, perhaps even a single well-chosen family doing all the work–so long as the total number of fonts used in given year comes out even?
And is there a supplementary rule which says that on a certain percentage of books, a key element of the cover text must be unreadable, either through being too dark (as in ONE IS illegible) or too similar to the background color?
Grumble.
Stan-Crossed dude looks like he’s about to throw it back and twerk.
It looks like the last cover model is made of taffy and he’s being stretched a little too far.
One Is Never Enough: reminds me of the stretchy Gumby toy (obviously, I may have dated myself as GenX with this reference).
The last one is disturbing, very disturbing.
ONE IS NEVER ENOUGH is the guy who decides to ride the Ko’okiri Body Plunge at Universal’s Volcano Bay, but goes in head first because he heard horror stories about the epic wedgies from those who went feet first.
Balance of Fates (is this “The Balance of Fates” or “Balance of the Fates?”: The lady on the right looks like she has a prosthetic arm, or at least something with a mechanical joint showing.
As for One is Never Enough, is the one thing belly buttons? At first glance, I thought he had two. That guy is also disturbingly hairless, more than most cover models, if that is possible.
The model on that first cover looks like the model on this book that Amazon has been recommending to me for YEARS. It’s called Dark Stranger The Dream (The Children Of The Gods Paranormal Romance Book 1) (?!) by I.T. Lucas and it’s apparently BOOK 1 OF 90 WHAT THE ACTUAL F.
Either way, that cover is Stain-Crossed kerning hell.
The model on that first cover looks like the model on this book that Amazon has been recommending to me for YEARS. It’s called Dark Stranger The Dream (The Children Of The Gods Paranormal Romance Book 1) (?!) by I.T. Lucas and it’s apparently BOOK 1 OF 90 WHAT THE ACTUAL F.
Either way, that cover is Stain-Crossed kerning hell.
On the last one, his left hand seems to be holding something, like a stake that he’s stabbing into his thigh. Maybe a bee flew down his pants, and he’s allergic, so he’s desperately trying to get his pants off and also stab himself with an epipen, only he accidentally grabbed a glowing stake out of the fire instead and now his hands are burned so badly they’re turning into smoke.
Hey, it makes as much sense as whatever else is going on there.
@Elly I too have been recommended Dark Stranger The Dream for years. I think since my first kindle in 2014. Amazon will not wear me down. I refuse.
Yes, the cover of One Is Never Enough is just as weird as when I sent it in!