First of all, I pre-gamed this episode so I’m already tipsy. Please enjoy my rambling about cats.
Radar update: He’s the most hyper kitten I’ve ever fostered and I’ve fostered a lot of kittens.
I told the rescue manager he needs to be adopted by a family who has 7-10 children because that will be required to keep him occupied. He plays until he pants (which is a normal dog thing, not a normal cat thing) and I have to either swaddle him or put him in a dark room to settle.
I was awake with him till midnight just trying to get him to sleep.
Pudding: This is what we get for taking in urchins. Isn’t there a work house he can go to?
Please appreciate her giant murder mittens and yes I need to trim her nails. It’s a process that involves a lot of Band-Aids for me after.
For those of you who asked, Pudding and Radar are separated. For one thing, he’s likely to have an upper respiratory infection or similar due to being in a shelter environment and she’s a senior lady who doesn’t need to get sick. Also she would absolutely murder him the minute he became annoying to her.
On to the show. Logan remains in a weird limbo, not belonging to either Team Gabby or Team Rachel. Gabby took a bath in beer which I refuse to believe is good for your vaginal health. Everyone is on a cruise ship for reasons.
Here we go.
They sail to Amsterdam. Zach gets the first one-on-one with Rachel. Nate gets another one-on-one with Gabby. Gabby admits that she’s looking for someone who is a good parent given that her parents weren’t there for her when she grew up. She knows Nate is a devoted father.
I love Gabby, but I feel like she doesn’t need to be on this show. She seems to need some time and help to heal the mother wound.
So at the beginning of Gabby and Nate’s date, she immediately starts sobbing which would be alarming, I would think. She tells him they’re in two in different places and “it’s not you, it’s me.”
Wait. WHUT.
She says she’s terrified of being a bad mom and she knows his daughter is the most important thing in his life.
Gabby says she’s afraid of falling in love with Nate’s daughter.
I reiterate. THERAPY.
For their one-on-one date, Rachel takes Zach to a tulip farm and it’s super beautiful. Tulips are some of my favorite flowers because they’re always among the first to appear after a long Wisconsin winter.
Rachel is carrying a Polaroid camera for some reason, probably because they paid her to. Later they take a bike ride through the countryside. They stop at a farm stand that is supposedly in front of a field of tulips, but it’s like a terrible Zoom background. They obviously green-screened this and I don’t know why.
Then, of course, there’s a random hot tub. I feel so bad for the hot tub PA.
“Jeremy, we need you to haul this out into a field of tulips in the middle of nowhere. There’s not water or electricity hook up. If you kill any tulips we will be sued. Good luck.”
During the dinner they can’t eat, Zach admits he used to be 80lbs heavier and his self esteem was so low he couldn’t find love. IDK, it feels like he’s saying “I didn’t deserve love until I was fit” and I’m just…
I mean I’m happy he’s feeling better about himself, but bodies change over time and circumstances. When I developed a chronic illness my body changed because it couldn’t do the things it did before. It’s just a fact of life and feeling like you have to look a certain way to be in a relationship strikes me as very unhealthy.
He tells Rachel he loves her and gets the date rose.
Then we get a commercial for applying to be on the show, and I shit you not, it says “Don’t you feel like it’s time to ditch some dead weight? Dump your boyfriend and apply to be on The Bachelor!”
Pudding: I left some dead weight in the litter box. Maybe we could mail that to the producers.
For Gabby’s group date, they meet with a dominatrix. They start by identifying safe words. Logan chooses “asbestos.”
The dominatrix asks them questions and the men hedge away from questions regarding their desire to perform oral sex.
Honestly Gabby should send everyone home right now.
Before the cocktail hour Dale shows up in Gabby’s room. He tells Gabby that Logan is COVID positive. He’s okay but they are cancelling the cocktail party.
Gee, what a loss.
For the record, I’m talking about the cocktail hour not Logan getting sick. I don’t want anyone to get COVID. Personally though, if I were Gabby, and Dale was like, “Well, I guess you can stay in your room and enjoy some room service and a book and a glass of wine, versus awkward conversation” I would be thrilled.
Speaking of hanging out in your room, I keep the door to Pudding’s room closed during the day when the kitten is out. Since she rarely leaves her room anyway, it’s not a big deal. I spent today cuddling with her while listening to some webinars. One of our neighbors is a big motorcycle person and has a Harley and just revved the engine before taking off.
Pudding, ever the queen, slowly raised her head, narrowed her eyes at the window, and growled at him.
God, I love that cat.
The next day it’s time for Rachel’s group date. They go to a town square where the dudes have to do weight lifting activities involving wheels of cheese.
As a Wisconsinite I feel that cheese is sacred, and we do not use it as a fodder for reality dating show.
Cheese is the most important good group, followed closely by coffee.
The guys have to lift 8 wheels of cheese and frankly I’m pretty sure I’ve carried more than that to my car during my holiday gift giving/ cheese buying. Amateurs. If you aren’t carrying several boxes that contain cheese wheels, plus curds, plus string cheese whips, you aren’t doing shit.
Anyway, Tino wins “Cheese King.”
Pudding: More like Cheese Peasant.
Back to drunk blathering on about cats, Rich likes to make scrambled eggs with cheese on the weekend and the kitties get a little bit.
Rachel and Tino make out during the cocktail hour. He says “I’m so sure of you.”
The group date rose goes to Tyler. Tino, aka The Cheese King, looks crushed.
Tino complains about the other guys after Rachel leaves. He says he doesn’t think Rachel knows how “deeply I feel.”
Oh hey toxic masculinity!
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The next day, Gabby says she’s struggling because she didn’t get to spend time with her dudes due to the cocktail hour being canceled.
On deck, Tino sits by the pool and says he feels insecure. Someone needs to give the dude some floaties.
So then it’s Dreaded Rose Ceremony time. Once again it’s weirdly held by the pool like if you don’t make it Dale will drown you.
Gabby gives her roses to Jason, Erich and Johnny. Rachel gives her roses to Aven and Tino.
There’s no word on Logan’s situation other than I guess he’s sitting on a park bench alone being rull sad?
That’s it. Are you watching?
Wait, where did the dominatrix come from? Was she hiding in the hot tub?
Perhaps there’s a Kraken Rose God living in the pool? And that’s what happened to Logan? (More likely he got airlifted out of there before the recirculated air could infect everyone else.)
@EC Spurlock – glad it wasn’t just me. WTF is up with the dominatrix?
Here for Pudding and Radar, who sounds like a real handful.
A haiku for this episode:
Girl needs therapy
Nice abs dudes, respect the cheese
Back to kitties now
Pudding is queen of my heart. Radar, you adorable chaos gremlin, go to sleep.
That cheese challenge reminds me of a Survivor challenge. Though on Survivor they’d keep adding cheese wheels until people dropped out.
I just love Pudding’s face.
My thoughts for today….
1) I’m totally with Lady Pudding on the subject of urchins. Her face says it all.
2) In my opinion – lol – anyone who agrees to be part of this nonsense needs therapy.
3) To quote the incomparable Rue Paul, “if you can’t love yourself, how the hell you gonna love somebody else? Can I get a amen?!”
So, the guy that should’ve been gone already for ruining Gabby’s “pick one and stick with it” in the most insulting way possible managed to ruin Gabby’s cocktail party too. Can’t we ship him home in a biohazard bag or something? Not because of the Covid, because of his personality.
Ohh, boy. “I can’t love you because I’m afraid of loving you” from Gabby and “why don’t you put my emotions first” from Cheese Man. The Rose God truly lieth in wait to feed on the souls of the unwary
I too consider carrying multiple wheels of cheese to be a necessary quality in a partner–or once, a contest that knows what matters in relationships! But if they’re not willing to even claim they’ll go down when a dominatrix is threatening them with a feather cat toy they’re not worth it, girl!
Speaking of cat toys, Radar sounds like a bundle of too much fun–glad for Lady Pudding’s sanity that she has her own apartments! We all know the cats are the stars of the show.
For a minute I assumed the cast was drunk blathering about cats, and I thought, That Rich sounds like a winner, and then I realized he’s not on the show.
I was going to say this might be more interesting if they had competent, professional therapists jump out whenever anyone said anything suggesting they need therapy (in other words, all the time), but upon reconsideration, I think RuPaul should have that job.
When my cat Lilly (who did die from a brain tumor in the early winter and I would have given anything to have had more time with her) was a kitten, we had to take her favorite toys away from her at regular intervals because she would play until she was panting with exhaustion too. Covering her with a blanket usually settled her down but she was always ready for more play after her quiet time.
Maybe the Bachelor/ette franchise should consider employing cats to teach their contestants some manners! If nothing else, I’ve never met a cat who did not have a healthy sense of boundaries when it comes to people!
I somehow thought my life couldn’t get any better as long as I had Lady Pudding commentary to look forward to, but now there are Radar updates, too?!?
Thanks again for the synopsis! And the updates on the kitties!
I also love cheese, coffee and cats.
This was kind of a strange episode, but I’m still watching.
My current youngest, Inky, is about 2.5, and STILL does the exhausts-herself-til-panting thing. She doesn’t even need her favorite toys; she’s perfectly happy to spin in circles chasing her tail. I once timed her doing that for over an hour. We had to swaddle her and teach her “bedtime,” and I’m still often woken up in the middle of the night because she wants cuddles and pettin’s.
For the few months before our eldest died, the two of them would spend a good two hours every morning wrestling. Harley was always so confused that Inky LIKED being pinned down, with her head in Harley’s mouth,…
If we were closer, I might petition to meet Radar — he sounds like he might be able to keep up with Inky.
Perhaps Logan was hanging out by the pool and got sucked into the Upside Down a la Barb. Maybe a demogorgon ate him!!