What is time anymore? Have some Cover Snark!
Sneezy: Have we talked about this?
If the cherries are supposed to cutely hint at his virility, dangling them in front of the bear seems like a bad idea
Catherine: The bear is clearly about to steal his cherry.
In every sense of the word.
Elyse: Omg the author’s name is on the cherries.
Sneezy: Imagine tattooing your name on your character’s dick and balls. Imagine tattooing dick and balls period.
Catherine: I like that at first glance the cherries spell out OTT. Which is about right for this cover.
Sarah: That guy looks like he is PISSED that this bear is ogling his cherries.
Tara: I shit you not, this is the cover for an f/f thriller with a cop and doctor who are on the hunt for a serial killer. Now I want to know if the bird is the killer.
Amanda: The bird HAS to be involved somehow, right?
Tara: Look at its angry, beady eye. That bird has definitely been killing two or three people every year for twenty-three years…
Maya: Bird’s the lookout
Tara: Now I want it to be smoking a tiny bird cigarette while telling the tale
Maya: That book needs to exist
Amanda: Is anyone familiar with The Staircase?
Maya: YES
Amanda: For those uninitiated into this bonkers case.
Maya: We studied that case in law school and I got Socratic methoded by the prof about what I thought was going to happen in the opening and I was like ohhhh it’s just going to be about his porn collection because prosecutors are the worst and then it was about his porn collection.
Claudia: Omg I covered that case!! I was living in Durham and working for the local paper. I was not the court reporter but we had 2-3 people there every day. I was so so major!!
I was there for most of the jury selection and oooh boy fun times.
Elyse: That bird killed someone. I refuse any other explanation.
Sarah: I’m on team bird. I trust its judgment.
Carrie: Found at Friends of Library Sale. How could I not purchase something so gloriously awful?
Maya: Is that Heathcliff? Does he not know that ghosts can come through closed windows?
It’s been a while since I read Wuthering Heights, but I feel like Emily Bronte has a solid handling on things ghosts can do.
Sarah: Love the gown.
Amanda: Seems like a perfect time to relisten to:
Carrie: That is one bonkers video.
Now I need a matching bonkers Jane Eyre cover…
Elyse: WTF are her arms made of ?
Carrie: Spite.
EllenM: I love it. It’s so extra.
Susan: It looks like an RL Stine book.
Tara: Thank you, Susan! I was trying to remember which kids’ book author that cover reminded me of, but I was completely stumped.
Susan: I feel like this one is maybe stacking too many templates on the male lead.
He’s a cowboy-singer (not a country and western singer, specifically a cowboy) and a firefighter
Elyse: His pants are confusing me.
Sneezy: Why is he so oily?
Amanda: Does he secrete the oil himself?
Sneezy: Do you think he needs a supplement for that?
Amanda, you can’t post Kate Bush’s Wuthering Heights music video without including Noel Fielding’s version!
https://youtu.be/ftWaeBXELnA
The WUTHERING HEIGHTS cover seems to have achieved a peak moment of “people unclear on the concept.” It puts me in mind of this cover for Emile Zola’s naturalistic classic, L’ASSOMMOIR (helpfully renamed NANA’S MOTHER), which has been given a whole 1950s MGM movie makeover look:
https://www.amazon.com/Nanas-Mother-Emile-Zola/dp/B002MHSYXY
Okay, a couple things. I inadvertently clicked on the Alpha Heat Whatever, and it has a first person narration in the synopsis, and apparently our heroine is a virgin. Cherries, virgin? Get it? GET IT?
Two: yes, of course the bird did it. Birds are evil, water fowl are their overlords. If you tell me an owl murderized someone, I’m gonna nod and go, “Yup.That tracks.”
That Geri Hill cover would work if it was about a park ranger and a city girl who is a bird watching enthusiast. It decidedly does NOT convey romantic suspense “on the run from a serial killer” vibes.
@DiscoDollyDeb that Zola cover is surreal… his books should have all the content and trigger warnings, but I guess classics get a free pass.
Cowboy-singer-firefighter has to be at least two people physically as well as descriptively. I’m a shoulder aficionado, and that one is wildly out of proportion to his head and neck.
I get it, cobbling images together is a necessity, but it takes 30 seconds of a transparent layer over the original body part to get the scale right.
For those interested: every year,beginning of July, all around the world, people celebrate Kate Bush during the most Wuthering Heights Day Ever.
That means you still have 1 month for finding the perfect red dress (and maybe this year a matching mouth mask).
[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yo7ApSneQwI&w=560&h=315%5D
I have that edition of Wuthering Heights, as well as the matching Jane Eyre. They’re fantastically bad. My grandmother once asked me if I wanted a t-shirt with the Jane Eyre cover printed on it, and I had to politely decline.
China Drum do a great punk version of Wuthering Heights
When it comes to Kate Bush, for me it’s “Running Up That Hill” or nothing.
The bird may be contemplating scavenging the corpse. Although the way the fence is drawn it does kind of look like it’s holding a little tiny gun in that back foot. (@ Crystal: It’s a murder of crows. They get tried by the Parliament of Owls.)
Watch it, Heathcliff, Ghost Cathy is about to pull you out of that tower window you just opened. And the video is even more bonkers if you turn on the closed captioning.
Sam Beckett just Leaped into that cowboy/fireman. He’s got his “Oh boy” face on.
“Spite.”
Bwahahaha
Are the letters of “Alpha” supposed to be furry, or hairy? Because neither an Elmo colored bear, nor a guy with Twizzler colored body hair, sound sexy to me.
Regarding The Staircase, did anyone watch Trial & Error, a sitcom on NBC a few years ago? It was dumb but funny and I swear they based the first season off of “the owl did it” theory!
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trial_%26_Error_(TV_series)
Gillette Park looks like a guidebook from AAA
The font on Wuthering Heights brings to mind a bunch of Anne McCaffery books I acquired from my parents’ bookcases. I guess publishers REALLY liked flowy serif fonts. Extra-serif ?
https://www.thriftbooks.com/w/crystal-singer_anne-mccaffrey/385441/
Is it weird that what bothers me most about Wuthering Heights is her hair blowing to the left and the candle flames blowing to the right?
I’m getting a bit of a James Dean in Rebel Without a Cause vibe from that Wuthering Heights cover.
@denise:
Darn, beat me to it. I was going to say of Gillette Park: Is it just me or … does that painting just scream 1960 Tourist Poster? Pan back a little ways and you’ll see the mode of transportation, which might be either a family sedan or a luxury train (the kind with an upstairs viewing lounge), depending on target audience.
Cowboy Firefighter: Which part is the variable? Does it go Cowboy Firefighter, Cowboy Cop, Cowboy Pharmacist and so on; or does it go Cowboy Firefighter, Wrestler Firefighter, Stockbroker Firefighter and so on?
I am GOBSMACKED! How could I have been a big fan of Kate Bush’s Wuthering Heights all these years yet NEVER HAVE SEEN THAT VIDEO, or heard of the Most Wuthering Heights Day Ever? Thank you so much for remedying that appalling lack in my pop culture education. I swear, the things I learn here…..
The Alpha and the bear seem to have a long running dispute about… something. Which is why he’s wandering about in a towel.
The Gillette Park book looks like a field guide to a park that has no particularly interesting features. Except evil birds.
And the Wuthering Heights seems to come from the Aerie series I bought in the early nineties. Same title font, same author font, same “complete and unabridged”,same slightly dodgy artwork, same price point.
And the Cowboy Firefighter book is so bland it tells me nothing. Except that the barn appears to be on fire, if that particularly glowy shade of red is anything to go by. And the cowboy firefighter is off duty.
@Louise I was thinking the Brady Bunch Plymouth Satellite with the pop-up trailer. Or some kind of earlier variation.
I’ve always liked Pat Benatar’s version of “Wuthering Heights.”
@kitkat9000. Oh I’d not heard that before. Yes, it’s a great version, without all that voice athletes. Lol
Oops, sorry! I thought I’d copied the link instead.
Don’t forget the most wuthering heights day ever! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2nxEPNs1H28
I love love love birding. But that is a Stellars Jay and much like other corvids, they do murder for fun.