CW/TW: Discussions of rape.
It’s Monday, the worst night of the week. There is rum in my Coke and sadness in my heart, because it’s time for The Bachelor…
This episode went by really quickly and not much about it was light hearted or funny, so this recap may feel a bit different in tone.
If you haven’t read any of my recaps or watched any of the episodes, SNL has done an admirable job of summing up this season already.
I love that they list Colton’s job as “exercises”…
We open up with Chris Harrison strolling into the McMansion and identifying Hannah B as Caelynn, which Hannah B Does Not Appreciate. Man, if he can’t be bothered to keep track of who is who…I just assumed he had them all identified by blood type.
If you’ve been sleeping for the past three episodes, Caelynn and Hannah B were both Miss USA contestants who were friends and had a falling out. Allegedly. No one can really say what the falling out was about, so I’m here for the story that Hannah B and Caelynn are really super good friends and all of this is manufactured BS to keep the drama going.
Anyway, Chris then announces that they are going to Singapore, in an hour, so get packing ladies.
We get a shot of Colton walking down the streets in nighttime Singapore. He says he hopes Caelynn and Hannah B can get along, so I guess I know where this episode is going…
Then my cat, Dewey, who literally has the entirety of the first floor to move around in, sits next to me and moans because I won’t let him step on my keyboard.
It can’t be worse than the show, if I’m being honest.
I will warn you that the rum has made me sleepy and also this episode goes by super quickly. It’s two hours long, but not much happens. Gird your loins…
The first one-on-one date is Tayshia. Colton announces that they’re going bungee jumping and Tayshia is like um…
“I’m going to figure out today if I like heights!” Colton announces cheerfully. Colton, much like a happy little parakeet, has no concept of his own mortality.
“It’s a thousand feet,” says Tayshia.
Colton looks down at his feet and imagines a thousand of them.
He does the first jump and mid jump screams, “Oh no! Not again!” How is this…you know what, never mind.
Having survived falling 1000 feet, Colton and Tayshia make out in the ocean for awhile. Then it’s time for dinner.
Tayshia reveals that she has a tragic backstory to share with Colton. She tells Colton she was previously married and divorced, and that as a Christian woman she expected to be married once in her life. This show is super heavy on the Christian heteronormativity, BTW. You get married once. You have sex with one person unless you’re going to have sex with a second person on live TV while Chris Harrison crouches in the corner of the room, breathing heavily.
“When I do get married again,” Tayshia says, “I’m going to make sure it’s amazing.”
Colton gives her the date rose.
We cut back to the hotel and discover that Caelynn is getting the other one-one-one date. Demi laments the fact that Caelynn will get to spend alone time with Colton despite being part of all of the “drama.”
This is the same Demi who groped Colton with a mannequin hand and spanked him with a cheeseboard BTW.
For the group date, they go to an outdoor market, and Demi demands that Colton carry her piggyback style. Nothing says “love me” like demanding to be hoisted around like an over-tired toddler.
Then they go to the “leech lady.” It’s exactly what you think it is–someone puts leeches on you to remove toxins. Leeches are used in the medical community today and aren’t a big deal, but they sure look gross.
“Are they FDA approved?” one of the woman titters. You’re in Singapore so geographically speaking…no.
Demi is here for it though. “I’m feeding him my blood and he loves it!” she chirps. “I have the sweetest blood ever!”
I feel like this is the real romance we’ve been waiting for.
So the women have leeches put on them and it seems like less of a big deal than you’d think. No one screams or passes out or gives ABC any preview fodder.
They try some street food and Hannah B eats a fish eye.
Then it’s time for the cocktail party portion of the date. Hannah B talks to Colton first. She worries that he doesn’t trust her due to the feud with Caelynn.
“I just wanna make sure, we’re okay,” she says.
“I’m okay with you two not seeing eye-to-eye,” he replies.
Everyone is super drunk and flushed at this point.
Cassie and Colton spend some time together. At the market a fortune teller told them that they were siblings in a past life.
They make out.
“Is that a kiss your sister would give you?” Cassie asks.
During their alone time, Demi tells Colton that her mom was just released from federal prison for embezzlement. She says that no matter what, she loves her mom unconditionally.
We cut back to the other women. Courtney is frustrated that she hasn’t had any alone time with Colton. Demi tells her that her approach is lazy (which I think means she hasn’t interrupted anyone).
“At the end of the day, you can’t make excuses, you just have to act,” Demi tells her.
“I’ll just wait patiently,” Courtney says. “Eventually, possibly, I’ll talk to him.”
Demi is mad because she feels like she’s been encouraging Courtney to talk to Colton, and Courtney is just sitting on the couch, pouting.
After Demi has talked to Colton twice, Courtney gets up and talks to her, telling her that she’s upset that Demi didn’t make time for her.
“I’m not here for all of the girls,” Demi says. “I’m here for Colton.”
Courtney calls her immature and rude.
Then Colton gives the date rose to Demi. Courtney walks away, crying. She feels snubbed as she was the only person that Colton didn’t talk to alone.
Next up is Caelynn and Colton’s one-on-one. They start the date by shopping.
Colton says he doesn’t “splurge like this very often, so I have to make sure it’s on someone I really like.”
Dude, you aren’t spending any of your own money.
Caelynn, remember, his job is “exercises.” This is ABC money.
So then Caelynn comes back to the hotel room toting her bags.
“I’ve never seen so many shopping bags in my life,” says Nicole.
There are nine total bags, guys.
Caelynn shows off all the things Colton “bought” her and none of the other women seem impressed. I’d like to point out that we’re at the point where everyone has jet lag. Possibly even me.
Next up is the dinner portion of Caelynn’s date with Colton. During the date she tells Colton about how she was raped. I’ve put this portion of the recap in spoiler tags.
Caelynn explains that this is a conversation she wants to have because it impacts her ability to be intimate in relationships, but that it’s a hard thing to talk about.
When she was a sophomore in college she went to a party at a friend’s house. Her wine was drugged. She woke up, naked, in bed with no memory of what happened. Two of her girlfriends were also drugged. One woman who was not drugged told Caelynn that she was raped and photographed while unconscious, as were her friends.
Caelynn was turned away by one hospital. The second hospital she went to did a rape kit, but too much time had passed to get a conclusive result. All but one of the rapists got away with it. The one who was “punished” was expelled.
Caelynn admits to struggling with shame and guilt and PTSD.
I admire Caelynn for her honesty and her bravery. I was actually impressed with how the show dealt with Caelynn’s sharing of her experience with sexual assault. She had space in which to tell her story, in detail, uninterrupted. I can’t imagine she’s the first contestant to be a sexual assault survivor. I’d like to think that the fact that she was given the time to address it on her terms is a potential reflection of how our culture may be shifting its attitude toward rape and rape culture in this Me Too moment.
For the most part Colton lets Caelynn speak and doesn’t offer much in response, which is probably the best possible way for him to handle this. I don’t trust any of the words that will come out of his mouth.
“I want you to know that with me, you’re safe,” says Colton.
Then Colton says that his reason for being a virgin is complicated, and that the first person he fell in love with was a sexual assault survivor which impacted their ability to intimate together. He talks about how one of his former girlfriends (Aly Raisman) was a victim of sexual assault. He says that it was hard for him to see her deal with that trauma and says, “Who am I to feel the pain? When I wasn’t the victim?”
Caelynn talks about how her assault affected everyone in her life.
“I’m way stronger than I ever imagined,” Caelynn tells the camera.
Yes, you are.
Colton gives her a rose.
We get a commercial and then cut back to the pre-Dreaded Rose Ceremony cocktail party. Caelynn, Demi, and Tayshia have roses, so they are safe.
Hannah G meets with Colton in his room (I guess the cocktail party takes place in a couple of hotel rooms) and they make out in his bed for awhile. There’s a lot of awkward rolling around.
Meanwhile Hannah B and Caelynn decide to talk.
“It’s hard enough as women,” Caelynn tells her. “Why not be supportive of each other?”
They apologize to each other and decide to move on.
Courtney is still upset that she hasn’t had one-on-one time with Colton. She implies that Demi is somehow a bad person for taking Colton’s time.
So then Demi tells Colton that Courtney “attacked” her (she didn’t) and that she’s the “cancer of the house.”
Finally Courtney, wearing a super cute jumpsuit, interrupts them. She tells Colton that she’s upset that Demi has been monopolizing his time. Colton tells her about the “cancer of the house” thing.
My press-on nail falls off and Fisher jumps and grabs it. I have to pull it out of his mouth to keep him from eating it. He really wants to go to bed, guys. My cats hate Mondays.
So then Courtney tells Colton that Demi has said she’s just here to play “the game” which upsets him.
Courtney strides out to the other women and asks who thinks she’s the cancer of the house, and Demi raises her hand proudly.
There’s a lot of shouting and then Chris Harrison, awakened by the scent of drama, appears to announce that it’s time for the Dreaded Rose Ceremony.
In the end Courtney gets sent home. So does Tracy. Demi beams.
“Dreams do come true,” she tells Hannah B.
Aside from Caelynn bravely sharing her story, not a whole lot happened tonight. I’m ready for bed. Are you still watching?
“It’s a thousand feet,” says Tayshia.
Colton looks down at his feet and imagines a thousand of them.
I love you, Elyse ♡
Apologies to Dewey and Fisher (Jeez. The stare-down)
I read last week’s recap to my 14 year old, and she says you perfectly recounted the episode! I had no doubt, but the praise of a 14yr old is as old folk say, “Golden”. Thanks for giving us this moment of connection.
As always, Thank You Elyse!
You know? I was impressed that the producers allowed Caelynn the space to tell her story and for her and Hannah B to reconcile — imagine allowing two adult women to act like adults on any Bachelor franchise. I was pretty impressed with Colton’s measured and respectful responses to Caelynn, as well. Beyond that, they’re doing a bang up job to show Demi as irredeemably evil. Acting like an adult woman is clearly NOT in her wheelhouse and probably will never be. Great job role modeling, mom.
So, as you may know I watch religiously with my 14 (soon to be 15) yo twin girls. We like to make fun of the bachelor/ette(s) and laugh at the – sometimes – manufactured drama. It’s part of our “bonding” and I take it seriously, because…come on. How much longer will I really have this time with them?
This week though. This week was different. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but thank goodness for ABC letting Caelynn really tell her story. We stopped the action and had a deep discussion about assault, shame, and survivor’s guilt. I can actually say something meaningful came out of this show for us. Of course, we plunged right back into the Demi / Courtney ridiculousness. We are all on team Demi and want to see her on BiP.
Demi’s campaign to be the first confirmed cast member on this season of Bachelor in Paradise is going really well for her, I think. I agree with Constance Cedras that overall last night was not as much of a shitshow as I might have expected. I was impressed that Caelynn got to tell her entire story in detail and that it wasn’t so quickly glossed over like yeah, that happened, now let’s make out. I was reasonably impressed with Colton’s first response being to say that she was safe with him. And I was impressed that they showed NC/AL at least trying to squash their beef and talking about supporting each other as women, particularly on a show that does its best most of the time to reflect the worst stereotypes about female competition. So yeah. Demi’s gonna Demi, clearly, but in general I found last night’s episode relatively palatable. I’m just patiently waiting for the fence-jumping excitement to start though.
Well, I watched the SNL skit (loved it!) – I did not watch the Batchelor (I let Elyse do that, lol). I can’t help but feel that SNL nailed it, hilarious! I live you Elyse
The Singapore part was terrible though I kind of think the producers specifically selected the leech therapy and more unusual stuff to get more of a reaction. https://www.straitstimes.com/world/united-states/us-dating-show-the-bachelor-goes-to-singapore-and-perpetuates-nasty-stereotypes
Kudos though to the producers for dealing with the sexual asssult part in a mature manner.
I can’t believe they picked Singapore. It’s my least favorite country. When I was there for work, the shortcut to the office was by walking through two malls. Crazy. I don’t even have that many malls near me in super commercial Los Angeles. It was like a sanitized Vegas. So unreal.
I appreciated that they let Caelynn tell her story. The Singapore stuff has generally been pretty racist though. The producers are hyping up the “grossness” of these Singaporean delicacies and the cast are acting like heros for eating frog and fish eyes. Eaten in a france, frog is a delicacy, but because they are in Asia it’s gross and weird. My Asian friends are really offended by this 🙁 I wish they would stop doing stuff like this on the show.
Totally off topic, but I had to say something about the comment about Singapore mall walks. Those kinds of “mall” walkways are very popular in Asia. I’ve been on them in Hong Kong, too. They are also super practical as the heat and rain some parts of the year can be truly debilitating. I’ve been in Louisiana swamps in August that felt like a cool day compared to Hong Kong in June! I’m not per se a fan of the mall aspect, but it seems like it’s used that way to make this kind of public walkway affordable to build. They can be a massive relief from the heat for the public, and relief from crowded, narrow sidewalks. You also see them in Minneapolis where they are used for the opposite reason: snow!