We’re all back from RT17 in Atlanta, and what better way to celebrate the return to our own beds than with some Cover Snark!
From Lils: This cover deserves to be in cover snark. Is that a face on his stomach?
Sarah: I think his belly button is singing the mah-nah-mah-nah song.
Redheadedgirl: …what he protesting? Unreasonable standards of male physiology?
Amanda: He’s protesting shirts.
Amanda: The hero looks skeevy to me with those glasses…WHAT ARE YOU HIDING, SIR?!
Elyse: Sunglasses at Night is stuck in my head now
Amanda: My mom had that single on vinyl and I would play it over and over again.
Redheadedgirl: Those sunglasses look like two different lens shapes.
Elyse: Omg I’m channeling Biden memes now.
Redheadedgirl: And he looks like a poor man’s Alex McLaughlin, who IS the poor man’s Alex McLaughlin.
Sarah: If you look at the white spots in his glasses as cartoon eyeballs, this cover is hilarious.
Amanda: Oh my god, Sarah, now I can’t unsee that.
Redheadedgirl: …oh shit
Sarah: He’s rolling his eyes HARD. At US.
Redheadedgirl: I didn’t realize that leprechauns came in tall, but okay.
Sarah: Or with capes.
Redheadedgirl: NO CAPES.
Carrie: She’s all, “Eww, no, I don’t wanna look at your lucky charms!”
Amanda: I’m trying to figure out the fabric of those pants.
From Stef: This isn’t on Amazon so I don’t think it’s out yet aside from InstaFreebie.
I mean, it looks like the guy is about to bang the bear.
But wow.
I’m pretty sure I heard about that in one of those pharmaceutical ads where they talk about the side effects really fast for about 23 seconds straight.
“May cause bears to burst into flame before you attempt coitus; please leave all bears alone.”
Redheadedgirl: Yeah, don’t wait four hours if you dick turns into a flaming bear. Just go.
Sarah: “If there is any sign of bears or burning in your genital region, call your doctor.”
Elyse: Is this another bear sex cover? Didn’t we just have one??
Redheadedgirl: That was a polar bear. This is a grizzly
Now we need to complete the set. Brown, black, koala, panda…
Sarah: Koalas aren’t bears tho. They’re narcoleptic marsupials with chlamydia.
And also my college mascot – a women’s college – which makes me laugh so hard.
Redheadedgirl: Yes, that’s the joke.
CarrieS: Look, I’m just going to keep saying the same thing in cover after cover. DO NOT HAVE SEX WITH BEARS. This is a safety rule. Don’t feed them, don’t come between a mother and a cub, and don’t fuck them in the ass. It’s very simple.
Cover 1: he is obviously the missing member of Right Said Fred.
“I’m too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for my shirt, so sexy it hurts”
https://youtu.be/P5mtclwloEQ
As for the last cover with the bear: he is a bear shifter, but only his penis can shift into bear form.
Excuse me, sir? Your bear is showing. This is a family establishment. Please put it away!
And I have that “Sex is on Fire” song stuck in my head. Very musically inspiring covers this week.
Sexualisation of koala “bears”? Check: https://www.amazon.com/Koala-Bear-Buns-Shifter-Paranormal-ebook/dp/B06XJ6HY2G/ref=la_B010ZPPCJ8_1_6?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1494232668&sr=1-6
Btw we don’t seriously don’t emphasise the seamy side of Australian animals to kids in Oz. (Say, like love-’em-and-leave-’em-holding-the-baby female emus. Just airbrush that bit and stick to singing the praises of the single dads.) So there you go sullying my spotless innocence.
The idea of Blinky Bill Uni is hilarious, but.
Second cover: those two don’t look like cousins.
@Hazel: true, but my cousin the actress/model looks more like Rosie Huntington-Whiteley than like me.
I know the font is different, but it’s similar enough that when I look at the cover of Michael, all I can think of is the craft store.
I choose to believe they’re on a mission to hot glue the shit out of some fake flowers.
She tried to steal the leprechaun’s pot of gold, so he cursed her to an eternity as a life-size Barbie, unable to bend her arms or alter her pained smile.
What is wrong with Michael’s chest? I think that is actually a surgical condition but I can’t remember what it is called. You know, where the chest is sunken, or maybe I’ve watched too many episodes of Botched.
@JWS: Pectus excavatum!
I used to have to say that all the time, and I’d pretend it was something I learned at Hogwarts because I’m an adult professional.
Dammit. I’ve read ‘Michael’ (because, Kindle Unlimited) – it’s not as shit as that cover looks.
Also, the sunglasses are part of the storyline.
Hmm. Now I write that I suspect it *was* as shit as the cover.
Some prime snark bait here!
The billionaire is protesting the cheap undershirts his assistant bought him at Target. Just to make a point, he’ll be working shirtless in the office today. You’re welcome.
A she-bear who just woke up from her winter hibernation is looking for a picnic basket to raid. Now she has some guy chasing her with his flaming crotch while on his honeymoon. Makes me wonder what kind of girl he married.
Sunglasses guy seems to have shaved his second chin.
“Alex McLaughlin”
Close. Alex O’Laughlin.
Now I’m waiting for Redheadedgirl to review Moonlight, his previous series with Sophia Myles (“The Girl in the Fireplace”).
No one appreciates the “There’s a flaming bear in my pants” symbolism?
But what if he’s fucking that bears ass, saving its life??
Cover Snark gives me ALLLLLLL the life. And wall decor dreams.
Like, OMG THE MONEY I WOULD PAY FOR A POSTER COLLAGE OF ALL THE AWFUL COVERS!
Especially Bear Crotch Dude. Art that bad needs to be on my walls dammit.
Alex O”Loughlin with an Eva Gabor wig.
@Ken: That show was both so bad and yet so very enjoyable. I miss it!
Cover 1: My first thought was, “wait, does he have legs?” (Yes, but who thought matching the background color to his pants was a good choice?)
Cover 3: Maybe she’s really short?
Advertising executive: “Oh, BARE skin condoms with warming action. We’ll get back to you in a day or two with the package redesign.”
Only you can prevent forest fires – don’t have sex with bears.
There is an acute lack of sensitivity this morning amongst the bitchery.
Billionaires have problems too. What about that poor guy’s hand? It is clearly a serious medical condition. Maybe he plays with his tee shirt so women fixate on the face on his torso rather than those hands. It’s a tossup which is more disturbing.
Unquestionably there ought to be rules about guys who carry torches in their pants(and unleash them upon unsuspecting innocents) but take a moment and consider: it is not just the bears in his life that suffer, there must be some emotional uneasiness knowing that your flaming passions might incite a lover’s quarrel.
As my first day back in the office after RT, and all the crap that entails, I seriously needed this today. Thank you all.
Sharp eyes there, @Candy.
Wow, I didn’t even notice that the billionaire is angling his hand to conceal his palm… when my own palms are one of the primary sites of my genetic skin disorder. (A very grin-and-bearable one, not a serious condition.)
I’ve seen that bear before. I kniw I’ve seen that bear before. Could someone help me out before my mind is scarred with the inevitable results of Googling “bearshifters book covers”?
https://www.amazon.com/Called-Bear-Werebear-Shifter-Romance-ebook/dp/B0118DAWR8/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1494267856&sr=1-1&keywords=Called+by+the+Bear+-+Book+1%3A+BBW+Werebear+Shifter+Romance
https://www.amazon.com.au/d/ebook/Complete-Bear-Creek-Bluff-Including-brand-exclusive/B01C8RR9DS/ref=sr_1_84?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1494268132&sr=1-84&keywords=bear+shifter
My first thought was that the bear is busting out of the guy’s crotch like the creatures from the Aliens movies out of a chest.
I have no comment to make as there is nothing I could say that would add to the awesomeness of the snark comments already made.
It’s just a good thing I’m working from home today’s I am laughing so hard I have tears in my eyes.
Thanks for the great cover snark – just what my afternoon break needed.
Michael… Anyone else think his head was photoshopped onto that body because I don’t think they go together. As for the woman? Wh is that? That smirk looks so familiar.
Primal Honeymoon: I thought the bear was supposed to be his genitals.
Wow, I managed to miss the creepily skeletal and ill-proportioned billionaire hand. Ew ew ew.
The whole bear thing is just … WTF. And “pectus excavatum” should totally be a curse.
Okay so I was having a really shitty day so thank you to my friend “V “for sending this to me but all the laughing stoped when my man Alex Yes you can do me anytime O’loughlin was mentioned!! I love him especially in moonlight so much so I usto watch that show in bed on my iPod classic. He’s my guy on that list you know the one where if you actually ever were with the guy that your husband wouldn’t mind?? !! Okay okay enough about him
The Micheal cover guy , does anyone else think he looks a lot like the really bad dude from Walking Dead? A little less hair and no silly reflecting sun glasses? There is nothing silly about this guy!!
Last but certainty not least the guy f}c£ing the flaming bear……I think you all covered him extremely well. Thank you & goodnight, P.S. Thank you “V” !!!
WHAT ARE YOU HIDING, SIR?!
The photoshopped sunglasses are hiding the photoshopped eyes that the illustrator made a botch of and didn’t know how to revert.
I’m trying to figure out the fabric of those pants.
So’s she, evidently. Why else would her hand be … just … there?
I feel like the flaming bear is a visual metaphor for a yeast infection. Either way, the guy has bad judgment.
@Cathy – is there a flaming bear in your pants or are you just happy to see me?
I still own “Sunglasses at Night” on a 45. And, it’s hard to drive at night with sunglasses on unless you’re driving a convertible with the opt down. Yes, I did that once or twice in the 80s. And, I don’t recommend a woman driving with the convertible top down at night–I had some college guys I quasi knew jump in my car.
Talk about messing with your Amazon algorithm! Clicking on the links suggested should put some really interesting things on my recommended list.
So, am I seeing a totally different cover for “Michael”? The one I’m looking at hit head is cut off right above the mouth, so I’m not seeing sunglasses, etc.
@June: Looks like there was a cover update! But I’ve changed it back to the original we’ve discussed.