Making Tonda Cry, One Cover at a Time

Lovelysalome answered the call – damn fast, too – and found us an image of Touched by Thorns. I’m thinking that the deep historical inaccuracies on this cover will make Tonda wish for some of those thorns with which to gouge out her eyes. Check it out:

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And for her efforts, I hereby dub Lovelysalome, who braved the frontier of Chinese eBay for our fine graphic display, a member of the Smart Bitch peerage:

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Comments are Closed

  1. 1
    lovelysalome says:

    I am honored to join the peerage.  ¡Gracias, putas inteligentes!

  2. 2
    Miri says:

    Congrats Tonda!
    About the cover though … is she topless? If so, she’s got no nipples man! She’s .. she’s nippless.

  3. 3
    Its_Just_Me says:

    No, she’s not quite topless. But she’s got some serious saggy-ness going. Her boobs are down to her bellybutton! Or maybe her boobs are growing out of her stomach…

  4. 4

    Poor Tonda!  To have this inflicted upon her with scant warning.

    And congratulations to the Baroness.  Truly, this was above and beyond the call of duty.

  5. 5
    Polargirl says:

    What’s with the collar? Is she a clown? Did she just get back from the vet after being neutered? Better not bite at those sutures missy!

  6. 6
    ElaineMc says:

    Wait, the—she—the ruff, and—wait, WHAT??

  7. 7
    Tonda says:

    My eyes! My eyes!!! You bitches. WTF is going on on this cover? Is she wearing a neclace under that ruff?

    Must look away . . . .

  8. 8
    Stef says:

    For the love of God, is NO ONE going to say anything about her HAIR???  I’m thinking Aqua-Net.  Two cans, minimum.  And the dude’s sniffing it for a good head-buzz before he has to tackle that doily gone mad around her neck.

  9. 9
    lovelysalome says:

    What hair?  The ruff…. can’t look away!

  10. 10

    The necklace under the ruff! PAH-HAHAHAHA It’s like they drew the whole bad cover, then someone said, “Wait! Didn’t they wear ruffs back in the Elizabethan era? Put one of those in there too. Mm, perfect.”

    What’s with heroes sniffing hairlines? Is this some erogenous zone I don’t know about? Do I have tiny pheromone glands at my hairline that constantly secrete delicious musk? Or did she just scratch her head after masturbating?

  11. 11
    April says:

    LOL. “Doily gone mad” just totally made my day.

  12. 12
    Letitia LeStrange says:

    Oh. My. God. You are going to kill me. Where do you go to find a cover like that?

  13. 13
    Danielle says:

    You FOUND it! I bow before lovelysalome.

    Now you can all see the image that haunted my nightmares for weeks.

  14. 14
    Caro says:

    I have this book.  I even know where my copy is—unfortunately, I don’t have a working scanner.  One hysterical detail you can’t see in this version is that the artist very carefully detailed the stitching for the elastic casing around the wrist of the dress.

    Remember those boufant prom gowns that were popular in the late 80s/early 90’s?  The ones that hung off the shoulder and usually had an elastic band inside the top of the sleeve to keep them up?  That is always what this dress looked like to me.

    I don’t remember caring for the book too much, but I ended up keeping it because the costume was just too damn funny.

  15. 15
    Catherine J. says:

    Holy crud, it’s Captain Janeway!

    Man, the holodeck’s really gone screwy this time ‘round . . .

  16. 16
    Ehren says:

    God Almighty, what is up with that outfit. It’s bad enough they’ve got a ruff around her neck without the odd Tudor dress to complicate the thing. What period were they trying for? =w=;; Whatever it is, they failed miserably.

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