Unmasking Autism
by Devon Price
I really enjoyed Laziness Does Not Exist as a “grind/productivity culture is a big pile of garbage” manifesto, and I also really like Dr. Price’s writing. I didn’t think I was the audience for this book, which is about the masking Autistic people do to conform with neurotypical expectations, and is written by an Autistic person for fellow Autistic people.
Whoodamn, I was wrong about that. This is a thoughtful, compelling, and detailed look at what it’s like to learn you are Autistic as an adult, and how that reframes much of one’s worldview. It’s also an examination of what Autism and Autism research is and is not, and how to better understand an Autistic perspective. It also addresses the multiple obstacles faced by marginalized people who are Autistic.
I learned, for example, that there are zero (yes, zero) tests or evaluative protocols for Autism in adults. The predominant test is one designed for older children. I also learned how much overlap there is between Autism, ADHD, transgender and queer identities, and how much the skill of masking, or deploying behavioral and interactive disguises to appear conformative to neurotypical expectations, is exhausting, demoralizing, and contributes to profound and harmful self-alienation.
Dr. Price is both extremely critical of the racist, classist, and prejudiced science inside the field of psychology and the specific field of Autism research, while also writing from a place of great compassion for the confusion felt by Autistic people trying to navigate a world that often doesn’t make sense. They go OFF on the ableist, racist, and eugenicist history of Autistic diagnosis and research, and on organizations that purport to embrace Autistic people while seeking to “cure” Autism.
Dr. Price is very supportive of self-diagnosis, and encourages people to seek communities local to them to build support networks:
It’s vitally important that in addition to all the individual-level work we put into unmasking and demanding our needs get met, that we also find and cultivate supportive relationships with people who make it a lot easier to do so.
They acknowledge that seeking official diagnosis can be extremely costly and difficult, and that being open about an Autism diagnosis at work or at school can yield terrible consequences. Dr. Price is extremely skilled at having strong opinions and refusing to tolerate false or disingenuous narratives, while also displaying incredible empathy for anyone trying to understand themselves. This is a person who did a caring and nuanced Reddit AMA for this book with proof of identity including a photograph of themself wearing an “Autism Fucks” shirt.
There are also many individual accounts and perspectives from people who learned they were Autistic as adults, and how that greater understanding and acceptance of themselves has contributed to their feelings of well being and confidence in the world. The book also contains self-evaluative questionnaires (which are available for PDF download inside the digital copy) and suggestions for reframing that allow for “neurodivergent minds to process the huge quantities of data we take in,” with ideas such as:
Try to go an entire day without guessing or anticipating anyone’s emotions.
Try to go an entire day without controlling what messages your facial expressions or body language is giving off.
Being able to embrace nonconformity is an immense privilege, and Dr. Price acknowledges that fact while also providing options for how to build a safe and whole sense of self and how to find a supportive community of people who understand, welcome, and accommodate different forms of neurodivergence.
I found this to be an incredibly thoughtful, thorough, insightful, and interesting book that is deeply compassionate and built on a foundation of pride and of deep empathy. Books like this one which write from within an Autistic perspective that is grounded in research and experience are vital.
– SB Sarah
A deep dive into the spectrum of Autistic experience and the phenomenon of masked Autism, giving individuals the tools to safely uncover their true selves while broadening society’s narrow understanding of neurodiversity
“A remarkable work that will stand at the forefront of the neurodiversity movement.”—Barry M. Prizant, PhD, CCC-SLP, author of Uniquely Human: A Different Way of Seeing Autism
For every visibly Autistic person you meet, there are countless “masked” Autistic people who pass as neurotypical. Masking is a common coping mechanism in which Autistic people hide their identifiably Autistic traits in order to fit in with societal norms, adopting a superficial personality at the expense of their mental health. This can include suppressing harmless stims, papering over communication challenges by presenting as unassuming and mild-mannered, and forcing themselves into situations that cause severe anxiety, all so they aren’t seen as needy or “odd.”
In Unmasking Autism, Dr. Devon Price shares his personal experience with masking and blends history, social science research, prescriptions, and personal profiles to tell a story of neurodivergence that has thus far been dominated by those on the outside looking in. For Dr. Price and many others, Autism is a deep source of uniqueness and beauty. Unfortunately, living in a neurotypical world means it can also be a source of incredible alienation and pain. Most masked Autistic individuals struggle for decades before discovering who they truly are. They are also more likely to be marginalized in terms of race, gender, sexual orientation, class, and other factors, which contributes to their suffering and invisibility. Dr. Price lays the groundwork for unmasking and offers exercises that encourage self-expression, including:
• Celebrating special interests
• Cultivating Autistic relationships
• Reframing Autistic stereotypes
• And rediscovering your values
It’s time to honor the needs, diversity, and unique strengths of Autistic people so that they no longer have to mask—and it’s time for greater public acceptance and accommodation of difference. In embracing neurodiversity, we can all reap the rewards of nonconformity and learn to live authentically, Autistic and neurotypical people alike.
Nonfiction
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Reviews like this are one of the big reasons I adore this site. I have found so many non-romance books (as well as romance books!) through SBTB that I might otherwise have missed out on, so I am very grateful that you share about all kinds of books. My adult kid told me recently they think they might be autistic, so hearing about this particular book is definitely a case of “right book at the right time.”
Thanks so much for this review. I was diagnosed with ADHD a couple of years ago at 55 and my youngest (20 yrs old) is on the autism spectrum and was diagnosed with ADHD last year. Parenting with and for neurodiversity is a lot most days. This book sounds like it will be a great help and I too really enjoyed Laziness Does Not Exist. I was deeply impressed with the level of inclusivity Price strives for and from your review it sounds like they continue that.
Whoodamn, indeed. The book/guide I didn’t know I needed to read. Thank you for this.
Thank you! It really means a lot to know the reviews of books like these are appreciated. Like, a lot a lot. Thanks.
Oh my goodness, thank you so much! I have requested this from my library, both for myself and for my teen. Y’all are so awesome!
I’d like to make a comment, and I do intend for it to be perceived as being in any way a criticism. I have mentioned before that my oldest daughter is on the high-functioning end of the autism spectrum (she has what was formerly referred to as “Asperger’s Syndrome” but is now, correctly & medically, incorporated into the ASD spectrum). I also work with students who are on the severe end of the autism spectrum. In both my personal and professional experiences, I have been encouraged to use the phraseology “person with autism” or “person diagnosed with autism” as opposed to referring to someone as an “autistic person” or “autistic student,” etc. Saying that someone has autism makes autism one of their characteristics but does not define them entirely by their autism diagnosis. I understand that it seems to be a small difference in terminology, but I think it does make a difference in our perception of people with autism.
I am so sorry–my first sentence should have said, “I do NOT intend for it to be perceived as a criticism.” I double-checked what I wrote three times and that still slipped through. I mean NO criticism. So sorry!!
As someone who was diagnosed with both ADHD and Autism 1 last September, I spent months not calling myself anything at all because I didn’t think I could claim it now. Once I got over that, I started identifying as an “autistic person.” “Person with” or “diagnosed with” makes me feel like it’s a disease, or something outside of my core self. A thing that can be cured or removed. That’s just my personal take on it.
@Suleikha Snyder: I agree that a person with autism should refer to themselves and their condition in what ever method makes them feel the best—and I mean no disrespect to anyone with what I wrote. My comment was as someone who interacts with people who have autism in both my personal and professional lives. Standards and terminology are always changing, but I have been in a workshop within the last couple of years that instructed us to use the “with autism” designation in both our verbal and written interactions. This may be more applicable to a school setting, but my daughter (29) prefers the “with autism” reference because she says “autistic person” makes her feel as if she is nothing beyond her neuro-divergent diagnosis. However, I do sincerely apologize to anyone I may have offended with my comments. It was completely unintentional.
Most, though certainly not all, of us autistic adults asked do prefer “autistic person” over “person with autism.” I prefer it not only for the reasons @Suleikha Snyder prefers it, but also because it is less awkward and reflects how we use adjectives in English. For example, if I call myself a “blonde person” instead of a “person with blondeness,” that doesn’t mean that I think I am nothing beyond my hair color, or that I have to remind people to see past it! Blonde hair is one of many traits — woman, wife, daughter, American, white person, romance reader, coffee drinker, knitter, college graduate, etc. — that make up me. And my hair color is a far less important trait to my identity than my autism! I can imagine who Redheaded Me or Brunette Me or Pinkhaired Me might be like, but Neurotypical Me? I can scarcely imagine the kind of person she is.
This doesn’t mean “person with autism” is wrong for everyone, though. Some people, like DiscoDollyDeb’s daughter, do genuinely prefer it. However, the push for person-first language is mostly made by non-autistic people, while autistic adults are usually the ones pushing identity-first language. As Miss Manners says, one should call others what they prefer to be called.
Trigger warning: self-harm, suicide.
I have been officially diagnosed with autism as an adult over a year ago. It is so touching for me as an autistic person to see this here; I think I’ve followed this website since I was a teenager over a decade ago. And I’ve not heard of this book yet!
There really is a huge divide between autistic people and the professionals treating us. Their focus seems to be on therapy to make us look acceptable and act like mainstream society, rather than helping us accept ourselves and our differences and minimise our own suffering through our lives. Essentially I feel like people don’t care if I’m in emotional, physical and mental pain as long as my grades are good, act somewhat neurotypically and I hold down jobs and turn up at work. You often see the “high functioning” label for someone like me and it seems misleading, and it also makes me think of someone I knew and cared for as a child with “high functioning” autism who killed himself. He wasn’t okay and he now isn’t functioning at all.
I came across a great analogy the other day. Just because you’re a Playstation in a world mainly filled with Xbox games, doesn’t mean you’re broken!
This looks like a book I need to read. I self-diagnosed when Covid first hit and had a LOT of time on my hands to just think during lockdown. I inquired about starting an official evaluation at my last wellness check, whereupon I was immediately told that I should get a referral for a mental wellness check first. Uh, I’m not upset about autism, and if I look upset, it’s because I have to explain basic autism stuff to a medical professional! Who probably would have jumped to the autism eval right away if I were a white man, with bonus points for visibly stimming and avoiding eye contact! To be fair, I finally got the doctor to reluctantly agree to give the autism eval referral if I wanted, but I ended up saying no because I don’t need this hassle.
Btw, another eye-opening book by another autistic author is We’re Not Broken, by Eric Garcia. Made me tear up several times, though it is by no means a sad book.
Re: “person first” vs. “identity first,” I prefer identity first and also use it with my students when it applies. Yes, school district trainings very often still say to use person first, but at least one of my trainings still used “differently abled,” so yeah… they definitely lag behind the up-to-date terminology. Luckily, I have the best coworkers who also often go with identity first language.
Coming in reaaaal late here, just to add my two cents as a person so autistic I’ll always need to live in a support home.
First of all: Mrs. Obed Marsh, Thanks for saying exactly what I was thinking. Describing people with adjectives is just how English is spoken most of the time.
My two favorite examples of that fact are these:
1. We don’t say that Lil Nas X is a man with homosexuality and blackness. We say that he’s a gay black man. (If the subject comes up, that is.)
2. If I describe somebody as a cheerful woman, it obviously doesn’t mean that she’s ONLY cheerful and that apart from cheerfulness, she never ever experiences human emotion.
Secondly: Yes, it’s true that some people don’t regard us autistics as people, but that’s not because people describe us with adjectives. That’s not the reason we’re not regarded as people. (I remember, fondly, what one autistic woman said to a non-autistic woman who kept trying to be Bravely Inspirational about why you shouldn’t say “autistic person”. The autistic woman replied that “if you can’t remember I’m a person because people use adjectives, then that’s your problem to solve.”)
Thirdly: I’m always gonna respect people’s wishes about how they want to be described, but we have a problem if workshops, style guides and the like are wrongly claiming that describing somebody with an adjective objectively means that they have no other traits or qualities than that adjective. (I still don’t quite get why people only claim that when talking about mental and physical conditions and disabilities.)
I think it’s part of the urge to look good. It sounds good to say that we should always begin by mentioning that this is a PERSON. But in real life, we don’t need to constantly point out somebody’s personhood.
That’s a common issue with people trying to be sensitive. One academic style guide I read said that you should describe people with what they can do, and not with what they cannot do.
So if somebody’s mute, you still shouldn’t say that she’s mute.
You should say that “she uses an alternative form of communication”.
But that doesn’t actually make it clear that she’s mute, since many kinds of people communicate in alternative ways. And actual mute people, in my experience, are fine with the word “mute”.
It does sound very Bravely Inspirational to say that we should “focus on what people can do and not on what they cannot,” but sometimes the subject of the discussion is in fact the stuff people can’t do. Nothing wrong with that. If somebody doesn’t speak English, we just say he doesn’t speak English.
Seriously, we really need to get the word out about how often the views expressed in some company’s official sensitivity guide is different from what we, the people in question, actually feel.
Oh, and just to be clear: I’m fine with being called “an autistic person”, “a person with autism”, and “an autistic”. My only issue is when people mistake somebody’s personal preferences in phrasing for a rule of grammar, or when style guides make false claims about my preferences.
What does it matter if somebody defines me largely by my autism? I have an autistic mind. My autism does in fact define me. Nothing wrong with acknowledging that.
(Hope my tone isn’t too acrimonious. It’s just that… *sighs* the idea that “autistic person” is objectively offensive really helps feed the “I guess EVERYTHING is offensive now!” crowd. We do not need to give them more ammunition.)