456. Bananas, Pajamas, Cat Yak, and a TV Theme Sing-Along with Sarah & Amanda

[music]

Sarah Wendell: Hello and welcome to episode number 456 of Smart Podcast, Trashy Books. I’m Sarah Wendell, and today Amanda and I are going to sing TV theme songs to you. Now, we start by talking about cat vomit, because of course we do, but we are going to cover all the best TV themes. We’re going to try to stump each other, and we are going to uncover so many songs that come with that Pavlovian response where the minute you hear them, you start singing along. So if you are craving some bizarre silliness, this episode is perfect for you.

And if you listen and you think, I remember that song; I cannot wait to go find it! Don’t worry; we put together a whole Spotify playlist just for you, so you can play all of the songs that we’re talking about.

Now, I do want to warn you that the audio quality is a little uneven, and I did as much as I could to smooth it out, but I just wanted to give you a heads-up.

I have a compliment for this episode, which is so great.

To Anneke, or Anneke – I hope I said that right: The world is so fortunate that you are in it right now, because your base level of incredibleness is off the charts. Scientists are currently working on a new measurement protocol to address how much awesomeness you have.

If you would like a compliment of your very own or you would like to help support the show, have a look at patreon.com/SmartBitches. The Patreon community makes sure that every episode is accessible to everyone, and every pledge is deeply appreciated.

Hello, Patreon community. Thank you again for your support.

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Are you ready for this podcast? Make sure you check out the Spotify playlist, ‘cause we’re going to sing a lot of songs. On with me and Amanda being extremely silly.

[music]

Amanda: Speaking of Linus, I don’t know if I, I don’t think I told you the other day that Linus left a bunch of puke piles around the house, because –

Sarah: Oh, right, he got into some plastic that he should not have.

Amanda: Yeah, he had a buffet of plastic in the middle of the night, so – [laughs] –

Sarah: I love when that happens.

Amanda: – please, please don’t die on me, cat. And I felt bad –

Sarah: Nah, if he’s puking, you’re good.

Amanda: Well, if, like, every time he would fall asleep, if I couldn’t see him breathing, like, I would wake him up, and he’s –

Sarah: [Laughs]

Amanda: – I just want to sleep! Just leave me alone!

Sarah: Listen, I just ate a lot of plastic; I’ve got to digest! Please stop. [Laughs]

Amanda: Yeah. Pretty much. Like, just leave me alone.

Sarah: Oh my gosh. Poor Linus, trying to snooze –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – through his indigestion, and you’re like, wake up!

Amanda: Wake up! I just want to make sure you’re not dead!

Sarah: My favorite is the middle-of-the-night puke song, that when you’re awoken from –

Amanda: [Disturbingly realistic cat puke sound effects]

Sarah: Yeah. Yeah, like, it, it’s, it’s almost like, you remember those commercials for Ricola where there were those guys in lederhosen on a hillside blowing into a large horn?

Amanda: Yeah, with the big –

Adam: [Sings] Ricola!

Amanda: Yeah! [Laughs] Adam, I heard him in the background!

Sarah: [Laughs] Yes! So there are, it’s like that –

Amanda: Adam, commercial tunes was two weeks ago, Adam. You’re two weeks late.

Sarah: You could not be more, you could not, you could not possibly overestimate his excitement for TV themes.

Amanda: Oh, I’m sure.

Sarah: He’s, like, made of television themes. It’s absurd.

Adam: It is the thing in the world that I know the most about.

Sarah: It is the thing he knows the world, in the world that he knows the most about.

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: But in the middle of the night, when you’re –

Amanda: We all need something.

Sarah: It’s true – when you’re trying to sleep, and all of a sudden you hear the echoing preamble to a cat puke? Not only do you have that horrible disgusting noise to wake up from, but if you’re really lucky –

Amanda: Oh yeah.

Sarah: – you have a dog who is, what, fifteen, seventeen pounds? He’s a knish with legs.

Amanda: Yeah. 

Sarah: Maybe he’s, maybe he’s twenty pounds. He’s a little pork cutlet, and he’s old, and he’s got short legs, and he’s mostly deaf, but not to that sound! And he will leap off the bed, land on the floor –

Amanda: I wonder –

Sarah: – and scurry down the hall searching for his prize. And by that point you’re awake, and you’re like –

Amanda: I wonder if –

Sarah: – should I intervene?

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: Eh. Eh.

Amanda: I wonder if, like, cat hacking is on, like, a, like, a frequency that he can sense. Just –

Sarah: Oh, absolutely.

Amanda: – just something about – [laughs] – well, then you have to be like –

Sarah: So Buzz –

Amanda: – oh, God, where is the pile?

Sarah: Oh, oh yeah, and you know, my eyesight is so bad that when I don’t have my glasses on, the floor is not in focus. Like, nothing beyond my waist is in focus, so you know that I am treading very carefully, and I have stepped in many –

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: – a disgusting, cold, slimy mess and then tried not to scream –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – and wake Adam up, because if I scream then he’s going to think something’s really wrong, not I just stepped in some yack; that’s different.

Amanda: Well, Linus got creative with the last batch of puke piles.

Sarah: Oh no.

Amanda: We thought we got them –

Sarah: No!

Amanda: We thought we got them all.

Sarah: No, that’s not what you want. No, oh no.

Amanda: No. We found another one –

Sarah: No!

Amanda: – somehow between the back of the couch and the couch cushions. So that was –

Sarah: H-, how?!

Amanda: I –

Sarah: Were, were you all just, were you both, were you and Stephanie just both yelling about it? Like, how?! I don’t know! Oh God!

Amanda: Well, Stephanie –

Sarah: How?!

Amanda: – Stephanie found it, and she’s like, Amanda –

Sarah: Oh, I’m so sorry.

Amanda: She’s like, Ama- – [laughs] – well, she was, like, going to get the mail or something and, like, saw it out of the corner of her eye, and she’s like, Amanda –

Sarah: [Laughs]

Amanda: – I need you to see where I found this, because describing it to you won’t have the same –

Sarah: Is insufficient.

Amanda: You need to see, and I was impressed and horrified. I was like, how did you do this, dude?

Sarah: How, how are they so creative and so terrible?

Amanda: I have no clue. I have no clue!

Sarah: It’s so bad. No.

Amanda: There’s something, like, very masterful about a cat’s brain. Like, they know what they’re doing.

Sarah: There is a wonderful cross-stitch pattern site called Shitpost Sampler, where someone makes cross-stitch patterns out of Tumblr shitposts, which is the most perfect marriage –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – aside from my own, basically – and it’s, I think it’s Gumroad, so if you google Shitpost Sampler, you can pay what you want for these patterns. But one of them is, cats have such little heads, and they pack so much bastard into them.

Adam: Are you –

Sarah: Yes.

Amanda: So my good friend Bree sent me – ‘cause she has a cat named Devastator –

Sarah: I’m sorry, hold the phone.

Amanda: – and we saw Princess –

Sarah: Devastator.

Amanda: – is –

Sarah: Princess Devastator is the name of her cat.

Amanda: Princess Devastator. Yes. And –

Sarah: Wow!

Amanda: – two boy cats called Amos and Peaches. But there’s a cat –

Sarah: Amos, Peaches –

Amanda: Yeah. Devastator. And –

Sarah: Wow!

Amanda: – there was another cat up for adoption named Killing Spree? [Laughs] That is the name –

Sarah: Oh, geeze, God.

Amanda: – the shelter – I said, Bree, you have to get Killing Spree, ‘cause you could have Devastator and Killing Spree as cats. [Laughs]

Sarah: That’s like True Crime: The Housecat Collection.

Amanda: Yeah. And so after I sent that, she sent me this TikTok, which I just sent to you –

Sarah: Okay.

Amanda: – about this night shift nurse who – so I made a post. It’s like, everyone has cute names for their dogs like Bailey or Max; meanwhile, cat names are like, this is my cat Beef Stroganoff.

Sarah: Yep.

Amanda: And so – [laughs] – she went through and, like, rated weird cat names and, like, people’s cats –

Sarah: [Gasps]

Amanda: – and there was a cat named Mozzarella Television? [Laughs]

Sarah: That’s a fabulous name!

Amanda: Mozza- – there was one just named Egg.

Sarah: Okay!

Amanda: And there’s, there was another one named Stovetop, but they called him Stoven for short: Stovetop Oven, which –

Sarah: Stoven.

Amanda: – I thought –

Sarah: Okay.

Amanda: – I thought Stoven was real cute.

Sarah: Oh my God.

Amanda: So it just, like, showed the disparity between dog names and cat names.

Sarah: So Adam is telling me that we already have TV themes and –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – people talking about their pets in the message queue, so tonight’s episode –

Amanda: It’s great! It’s great.

Sarah: – Amanda is going to be singing TV themes to try to stump me on what they are, and then I am going to sing TV themes –

Amanda: I mean, I, I won’t stump you.

Sarah: You might stump me. You won’t stump Adam, but he’s not listening. But I need to tell you that because, as I have stated, I am puberty years old, older than you –

Amanda: Yeah. Yeah.

Sarah: – our television experiences may not match up.

Amanda: Oh no. Certainly not.

Sarah: But let’s start with some messages, and then we’ll, we’ll warm up our voices, and my neighbors – ‘cause I’m sitting outside –

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: – my neighbors’ll be like, why are you sitting outside singing television songs into your phone? All right, here we go –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – message number one!

Amanda: I hope someone doesn’t tape mine.

[pop!]

Eric: [Sings] Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles –

Sarah: Ninja Turtles!

Eric: – Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles –

Sarah: Mutant Ninja Turtles!

Eric: Heroes on a half shell – Turtle Power!

Sarah: Turtle Power!

Eric: – fighting team – yeah, that’s a fact, Jack! Rafael is cool but rude, Michelangelo is party to attack!

[pop]

Sarah: Eric, you know all the words!

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: I am so impressed. That was actually on my list, so Eric has, has taken a point from my list and gotten a point for themselves, because –

Amanda: Okay.

Sarah: – I didn’t know all the words. I was just going to stop with “Heroes on the half shell – Turtle Power.”

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: All right. Here’s another message –

Amanda: Another one?

Sarah: – from Claudia! Claudia’s, we’ve got four, so that was –

Amanda: Claudia!

[pop!]

Claudia: I just want to say that the statement, it’s a perfect, it’s the most perfect marriage besides my own is, like, a chef’s kiss kind of statement. I love that.

[pop]

[Laughter]

Sarah: Thank you, Claudia! Thank you. I, I don’t boast about my own marriage because it’s gross and awful, but I, I, I do like my marriage.

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: I like my husband. He sits here and moderates all my messages. We met in senior of high school: super nauseating!

Amanda: Yuck, you love each other!

Sarah: All right –

Amanda: Gross!

Sarah: I know. Oh, you sound like my older son. Like, Alex will give me a hug, and he’s like, oh, that’s so gross! I’m like, yeah, I know, living in a house where your parents love and care for each other. Oh, and they love and care for you too! He’s like, oh, I have to leave! [Laughs]

Amanda: I honestly can’t relate, so –

[Laughter]

Sarah: Neither can I, except for the parenting part as a child. Fuck that!

Amanda: Yeah, can’t relate.

Sarah: Nope. Nope. My parents didn’t divorce till I was twenty-six? But it should have happened when I was fifteen; let’s be real.

Amanda: Yeah, yeah.

Sarah: All right – yeah, yeah, yeah. So out in the middle of the field with the scythe going, well, I suppose this is how you do this, ‘cause I have no role models.

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: Oh! We got another, we got another message here. Here we go:

[pop!]

Amanda: Okay.

Guest: So, talking about cat throw-up, oh my God. I was recently –

Sarah: Yes, yes.

Amanda: [Laughs]

Guest: – cleaning up after my cat, and I noticed that he threw up all over my TV receiver. Yeah.

[Gasps]

Sarah: No!

Amanda: That –

Sarah: That little rat bastard!

Amanda: That gets into the nooks and crannies.

Sarah: Oh, it’s just not good! And then you sort of get, like –

Amanda: You’ve got to disinfect that thing.

Sarah: Right, and then you, then you kind of get anthropological about it? Like, what did you eat and when and why? And where did you get this? Why is there tinsel?

Amanda: It’s like –

Sarah: We’re not even Christian!

Amanda: Did you do that, like, school project where you have to, like, sift through owl puke to, like, find –

Sarah: No, I have never sifted through owl puke –

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: – but I know that this is a project. I dissected –

Amanda: Okay.

Sarah: – a worm. I, oh –

Amanda: Mm-hmm?

Sarah: – I dissected a worm and a pig, and I was told that if I could expose the worm’s brain, which is a very small, two-sided membrane, that if I could expose it flawlessly I would get an A. So I didn’t have a partner –

Amanda: The, the worm is boring, let’s be honest. The worm –

Sarah: The worm is super boring, but I’ll tell you, I’ll tell you this: I opened the little head, and I realized that I had accidentally removed the brain, so I stuck it back in. I was like, I guess that’s where it goes, that’s fine, and I moved on, and the teacher came over to look over my shoulder and was like – [gasps] – you did it! Sarah, you did it! You exposed the brain! Everyone come over here and see this incredible technique! And I was like, oh, okay. He’s like, you get an A!

Amanda: You –

Sarah: And I was like, I stuffed it back in there.

Amanda: You’re living the lie.

Sarah: Please don’t make me a surgeon, ‘cause I just stuffed its brain back in.

[Laughter]

Sarah: All right, we have a message. We have two more messages –

Amanda: Okay.

Sarah: – and then –

Amanda: Okay.

Sarah: – and then, and then we’re going to start singing. I’m sorry, everybody.

[pop!]

Amanda: Okay.

Guest: [Sings] Big ones, small ones, patterned or plain, if you call him once –

Sarah: What?!

Guest: – you’ll have to call again.

Sarah: What?!

Guest: One-stop shop, where you’ve got the lot, get it all at Stechford Tile. [Hums]

[Laughter, pop]

Sarah: All right, when people who are not in the States call with commercials and songs it is the greatest, because I don’t know them, but they’re just amazing. It’s like reading the local newspaper and being like, this is incredible; I love it.

Amanda: I still think about the woman who called in and was, sang the, like, was it like Milky Bar theme song? I –

Sarah: Yes! Me too!

Amanda: – still think about that. [Laughs]

Sarah: And the Fairy dishwashing liquid.

Amanda: Yeah!

Sarah: That was delightful! Like, I could have listened to her sing commercials all night!

Amanda: Yeah.

[pause]

Sarah: Please excuse me for muting for a moment. My wine went down the wrong pipe. All right, here is one more message, and then we shall sing.

[pop!]

Amanda: Okay.

Aussie Dave: Hi, guys.

Sarah: Hi!

Aussie Dave: How ya doing? G’day, g’day. All right. This chat is awesome. This is bloody awesome. I don’t think I –

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: Thanks, Dave!

Aussie Dave: – I’ve yet to come across a, a chat here in Stereo where someone’s talking about cats, and I, I love cats!

Sarah: Yes!

Aussie Dave: That’s so great, your talking about cat spew. Funny thing is –

[Laughter]

Aussie Dave: – my cat woke me up 3:30 this morning. Eww.

Sarah: No.

Aussie Dave: My alarms for 4:15. I kicked him out and then finally my alarm went off and I got up and fed him, and he was fine! He was, you know, just chilling on the couch next to me, and next thing I look over and I see his tongue hanging out his mouth and he’s –

Sarah: Ooh!

Aussie Dave: – going to spew! And he spewed all over his blanket, but luckily it was just like a, it was like a seafood sausage that he spewed out –

Sarah: Oh God, you just scoop it right up, right?

Aussie Dave: – and it was really easy to clean!

Sarah: Yeah, I love when that happens.

Aussie Dave: And then he did it again on the rug, and same thing, so yeah! [Laughs] Fun times. Cheers.

[pop]

Sarah: Cheers to you, Aussie Dave! Aussie Dave, if you are still listening, I do want to know, I, I want to know your cat’s name. I mean this is very important –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – information, right?

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: We need to know more about this cat. When they’re easy to clean up, it’s glorious. When they’re not –

Amanda: But we –

Sarah: – it is the worst.

Amanda: When Linus, like, if you kick him out or you don’t get up fast enough or whatever and he pukes?

Sarah: Mm-hmm?

Amanda: We call that spike pu-, like, spite puking. So it’s like I can –

Sarah: Oh, it’s totally spite!

Amanda: Yeah. I can just imagine, like, if people used that in real life. Like – [laughs] – the spite puke mechanism. I know this is full-on disgusting, but I’m imagining someone, like, looking at the array of, like, cat puke like reading tea leaves. Like, what is this puke pile –

Sarah: Maybe – wait a minute –

Amanda: – and its ingredients trying to communicate? [Laughs]

Sarah: You might be onto something! Maybe cat puke is like a horoscope for your cat!

Amanda: Yeah! It’s like reading tea leaves: you have to read the cat puke.

Sarah: It’s like rising, rising moon in Aries, cat puke in the hallway.

Amanda: Is your Mercury in retrograde? [Laughs

Sarah: Yes, cat Mercury is always in retrograde, as pertains to you.

Amanda: Yeah. Yeah.

Sarah: We have a message! Hang on!

Amanda: Okay.

Sarah: All right. Ooh, it’s Lizzie!

[pop!]

Lizzie: I used to have this really gnarly cat named Fluffy, and I loved her deeply, and –

Sarah: Yeah.

Lizzie: – her favorite snack was whatever she killed outside and brought in –

Sarah: Oh nice!

Lizzie: – on the carpet.

Sarah: Nice!

Lizzie: So my mom would be buttoning up the house at like three or four in the morning after her only time that she got alone, and then her foot would go squish.

Sarah: Squish!

Amanda: No! [Laughs]

Lizzie: And it would be terrible. She’d be cleaning up, like, oh, vole intestines out of her toes. It’d be the worst. She hated it so much.

[Laughter, pop]

Sarah: Okay, first of all, I love the phrase buttoning up the house. That is exactly what it’s like when you get ready for bed and you turn out all the lights and you lock the door. Buttoning up the house is the most adorably –

Amanda: I never heard it before.

Sarah: I have not either, and it is the most adorably perfect phrase ever. Ever, ever, ever. I have told you my theory of, of dogs and cats, right? Both dogs and cats –

Amanda: I think so, yeah.

Sarah: – are determined to show humans how to do things. Cats are determined to show you how to cat, and you’re doing terribly and they’re very unimpressed. Dogs are determined –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – to show you how to be a dog, and you’re not doing well at all but they’re still very proud of you and they want you to keep trying. Let’s go for a walk; I’ll show you yet again –

Amanda: You’re doing great, sweetie!

Sarah: – how – yes. Like, we’re going to show you one more time how to pee on different things outside. You still don’t do it, you still go in the house, and that is not right, but we’re still, we’re still proud of you for trying. We’re going to try one more time to show you how to do this.

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: And they’re very proud of you for trying, but they are both trying to show you how to live appropriately, and we are just terrible at it.

Amanda: Yep.

Sarah: All right, game on: what is your first TV theme?

Amanda: Okay. This is not going to stump you –

Sarah: Okay.

Amanda: – but I fully –

Sarah: I want to see if it’s on my list.

Amanda: – I fully believe this is the best TV theme song ever written.

Sarah: The best TV theme song ever written! This is your contender.

Amanda: Yes.

Sarah: Oh, is it The Greatest American Hero?

Amanda: It is not Greatest American Hero.

Sarah: Oh!

Adam: [Indistinct]

Sarah: Okay.

Amanda: [Laughs] Adam, did Adam say he doesn’t know what that is?

Sarah: No, he’s singing it now. He knows what that is.

Amanda: Okay, okay. Which is weird that I’ve never seen an episode of The Greatest American Hero but somehow I know the theme song. And that this was a show –

Sarah: Oh, of course you know the theme song.

Amanda: – and that this was a show in like the ‘70s. I don’t know –

Sarah: Oh yeah.

Amanda: – how this was – okay. But this is the best TV theme song in the history of TV theme songs. I will –

Sarah: Of all of them.

Amanda: – die on this hill. Yeah.

Sarah: Okay, you are prepared to defend –

Amanda: I –

Sarah: – this position. This is the best –

Amanda: Yeah, I –

Sarah: – TV theme song.

Amanda: Yeah. Yeah. Okay.

Sarah: All right, all right.

Amanda: You’re going to know it, but it’s just –

Sarah: Okay.

Amanda: – so good. Are you ready? Okay?

Sarah: I’m ready! I’m ready. I’ve got my hands gripping the arms of my chair.

Amanda: I wonder if Adam, like, has, like, clued in and has an idea of what I’m about to say.

Sarah: No, he’s waiting for me to tell him, ‘cause he can’t hear if he’s moderating, but I’m –

Amanda: Okay. Oh, dang! Okay. Okay, you ready?

Sarah: I’m ready! I’m ready, I’m ready.

Amanda: Okay.

[Claps, sings] Life is like a hurricane here in Duckburg. Race cars, lasers, aeroplanes! It’s a duck-blur!

Sarah: [Whispers] Duck-blur!

Amanda: Might solve a mystery, or rewrite history! Duck Tales!

Amanda and Sarah: Woohoo!

[Laughter]

Sarah: Yes! That is definitely a contender for best TV – have you heard, have, have you seen the YouTube video of the guy who does the DuckTales song as Ian McKellen?

Amanda: No! [Laughs]

Sarah: [Ian McKellen voice] Duck Tales. Woohoo! [Normal voice] So there’s the guy who sounds like Morgan Freeman reading “Everyone Poops,” and then there’s another guy who does an impression of Ian McKellen singing the DuckTales – it’s Ian McKellen, right? Duck Tales. Woohoo.

Amanda: [Laughs] So one of my favorite comedy, like, bits was this comedian, he was talking about, like, the, the start of his bit was talking about, like, Pavlovian responses to things or whatever.

Sarah: Oh yeah.

Amanda: And then he kind of like meanders off track or whatever, so you, you forget about it, and then he starts talking and singing the DuckTales theme –

Sarah: Yeah.

Amanda: – and he gets to the part “or rewrite history,” and he’s like, “Duck Tales,” and completely unprompted, the entire audience goes –

Amanda and Sarah: Woohoo!

Sarah: Yeah, absolutely!

Amanda: And he’s –

Sarah: Duck Tales, woohoo.

Amanda: He’s like, if that’s not a Pavlovian response –

Sarah: [Ian McKellen voice] Duck Tales.

Amanda: – I don’t know what is!

Sarah: Woohoo!

Amanda: So that is the best theme song in the entire world, and I will –

Sarah: It is –

Amanda: – die fighting for it.

Sarah: – definitely a top three. Definitely in the top three.

Amanda: Mmm! Okay. I’m curious what the other ones would be.

Sarah: I’m willing, I’m willing to support this.

[pop!]

Guest: Speaking of Pavlovian responses, I can’t remember why, but my prof-, I had a professor who told some story about, like, a kid crying in Little League, and completely unprompted the solid majority of the class just immediately said, “There’s no crying in baseball.”

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: Nooo! Oh my God, I love this! I mean, pretty much –

Amanda: It’s –

Sarah: – that is the response, right?

Amanda: Yeah, it’s, it’s weird how, like, you’ll remember, like, movie lines? And sometimes they won’t emerge from your subconscious –

Sarah: Nope!

Amanda: – until, like, much later? Like –

Sarah: Yep.

Amanda: – to-, today I used the quote from the, like, Narnia movies with Aslan, where he’s like, “Do not cite the Deep Magic to me, Witch! I was there when it was written!” [Laughs] And I, like, said that to someone today, and all of a sudden I was like, where did that come from? Deep –

Sarah: Oh yeah.

Amanda: – inside me? Like –

Sarah: Oh yeah.

Amanda: [Laughs] How did this come out at this moment?

Sarah: And why do you remember it? Like, why do I remember the last paragraph of Great Expectations? I didn’t even like it! Do I remember it? Yes.

Amanda: Yeah, it’s just like, your brain is like, we’re going to keep this and this!

Sarah: Yeah. All right, so I have many theme songs on a list that we made, and then Alex, my older child, who is fifteen and embarrassed by us very easily, ran screaming because –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – we had too many theme songs and he was embarrassed by us singing them in the middle of the street.

Amanda: [Laughs] Yeah.

Sarah: Some of them are ‘70s, but I will say –

Amanda: Okay.

Sarah: – that a close contender to the, not only the absolute brilliance of the DuckTales theme, but also the Pavlovian response level –

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: – of TV themes –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – would be everything that comes after the following phrase. You ready?

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: All right, this is about to be the whitest thing you’ve ever heard. [Clears throat]

Amanda: Okay, I’m ready for it.

Sarah: Innn West Philadelphia born and raised –

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: – on the playground is where I spent most of my days.

If you walk up to a total stranger and you say, in West Philadelphia born and raised, they’re going to know what to say, and it’s going to be like –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – you can’t hold back the eruption, right?

Amanda: Oh yeah. It’s –

Sarah: You just can’t, no.

Amanda: It’s like cat puke: it just –

Sarah: It’s, it’s like cat puke.

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: The other one that is less effective in the current generation, ‘cause I don’t think this show is in reruns anymore, but when Adam and I were younger, if you said to somebody, schlemiel –

Amanda and Sarah: – schlimazel!

Sarah: – Hasenpfeffer Incorporated!

Amanda: – Incorporated!

Sarah: Do I know what the fuck that means? No, I do not.

Amanda: I feel like schlemiel, schlimazel aren’t real words.

Sarah: No, they’re, they’re real words in Yiddish! I can tell you what they mean!

Amanda: Yeah, what do they mean?

Sarah: So a schlemiel is Yiddish for somebody’s who a fool or an idiot –

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: – and I have to ask the person who’s been Jewish longer than me: schlimazel is what?

Adam: So if you’re at a dinner party –

Sarah: If you’re at a dinner party –

Adam: – a schlemiel is the guy who spills the soup. The schlimazel is the guy who gets soup spilled on him.

Amanda: Okay, so Huffington Post has an article –

Sarah: No. Oh dear –

Amanda: – about this.

Sarah: Schlemiel and schlimazel?

Amanda: Yeah. So schlemiel is –

Sarah: What is this, HuffPo’s Yiddish vertical?

Amanda: [Laughs] Schlemiel is the clumsy person; schlimazel is –

Sarah: Yep.

Amanda: – the un-, unlucky person.

Sarah: Yes. But I don’t know what Hasenpfeffer Incorporated has anything to do with this.

Amanda: So, so someone said, or in the article it says hasenpfeffer is actually a German stew, and they have no idea why it’s part of the ditty, except that when you put it all together you cannot help but laugh how it sounds. So –

Sarah: Hasenpfeffer Incorporated! [Sings] We’re gonna do it!

[Laughter]

Amanda: Hasenpfeffer, hasenpfeffer is apparently a German stew, but it has no –

Sarah: All right!

Amanda: – no real meaning. Also –

Sarah: Okay.

Amanda: – hasenpfeffer looks delicious. I would eat it.

[music]

Sarah: I hope you are enjoying the profound silliness of singing TV theme songs at each other. We will be right back with more theme songs, but I want to tell you about one more thing.

If you were like me as a kid, you really loved cereal. Like, we’ve had debates in my household at the dinner table about which breakfast cereal reigns supreme. It’s a very pitched battle. Unfortunately, as an adult, I’ve realized that sugar is really not good for me and the cereals that I love are, like, made of sugar. But now I have Magic Spoon cereal in my pantry. Are you ready for this? Zero grams of sugar, thirteen to fourteen grams of protein, only four net grams of carbs in each serving, and only 140 calories per serving. It’s keto friendly, gluten-free, grain-free, soy-free, low-carb, and GMO-free, and it comes in a variety pack. There are cocoa, fruity, frosted, and peanut butter flavors, and the elder teenager and I just had a taste-off. Now, I have a serious weakness for frosted cereal. The Frosted Magic Spoon was awesome. My elder teen’s favorite was the peanut butter. He thought that was perfect for eating straight out of the box, but I will not let him do that because he can have any cereal he wants. These are my cereals, and when everyone’s having a bowl of cereal while watching cartoons, I have mine now too. Go to magicspoon.com/TRASHYBOOKS to grab a variety pack and try it today, and be sure to use promo code TRASHYBOOKS at checkout to save five bucks off your order! And Magic Spoon is so confident in their product, they back it with a one hundred percent happiness guarantee: if you don’t like it for any reason, they’ll refund your money, no questions asked. So remember, you can get your next delicious bowl of grain-free cereal at magicspoon.com/TRASHYBOOKS, or use the code TRASHYBOOKS to save five dollars off. And thank you, Magic Spoon, for sponsoring this episode.

Now, if you are not yet tired of hearing Amanda and me sing TV theme songs at each other, we’re about to get super, super, super happy, and we are going to end this episode on such a high note, I hope it makes you feel as happy as it did us. Back to TV themes.

[music]

Sarah: And then you had all of these women’s shows like Living Single and then 227 and all of these shows about women and –

Amanda: Yes! Jackée!

Sarah: Yes! Okay, that’s on my list, by the way. That is one of my favorite TV th-, TV themes.

Amanda: I don’t know what the theme is. I just remember watching it from time to time. That one never stuck in my brain.

Sarah: [Sings] There’s no place like home! With your family around you, you’re never alone. Well, you know that you’re loved; there’s no need to roam, ‘cause there’s no place like home!

I love that song! It’s also very appropriate for the Quarantimes. It has to be on reruns somewhere, right?

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: Has to be! What’s your next theme song? [Claps]

Amanda: Okay, so –

Sarah: This is, we have very Pavlovian response TV themes here.

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: Like, the first line and you’re like, oh, this is the rest of it!

Amanda: Yeah! So, so I’m just going to spoil it and say this is The Greatest American Hero theme song. I don’t know any part of the song but the chorus. I don’t know how it got stuck in my brain. I’ve never seen an episode of the show, and I was alive after the show, I believe, stopped airing – [laughs] – on TV.

Sarah: Yep.

Amanda: I was, okay. I don’t know why it was, but the chorus is – and if Adam wants to sing along –

[Sings] Believe it or not, I’m walking on air –

Sarah: I’m walking on air. Never thought I would feel so free-ee-ee!

Amanda: So free-ee-ee!

Adam: Flying away –

Amanda: Flying away on a wing and a prayer! Who could it be? Believe it or not, it’s just me!

Sarah: Yes! It’s so good!

Amanda: I don’t know how it made its way into my brain, but I will catch myself sometimes singing it, like, to myself, ‘cause it’s like, believe it or not, it’s just me, and for some reason that, like, just tickles me so much! [Laughs]

Sarah: It’s a bop!

Amanda: It is! It slaps!

Sarah: It does. It is, it is a verifiable jam. I have a number of theme songs that I know you probably won’t know –

Amanda: Okay.

Sarah: – because they are kids’ songs, kids’ shows that my kids loved, and –

Amanda: Yeah, like, I never grew up on The Wiggles or whatever.

Sarah: Right. I didn’t grow up on The Wiggles either, but I have seen The Wiggles live in concert at least twice –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – and I’ve, and I’ve seen They Might Be Giants kids’ shows, like, four times.

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: But I think that the kids’ show lyrics that really work are the ones that just tell you what’s going to happen in the show, and it tells you what, what it is – what’s going to happen. All right, so there was an animated show featuring four to five little kids that were different animals, and they had a common backyard, and the lyrics went:

[Sings] Your backyard friends, the Backyardigans. Together we’re in the yard again. We’ve got the whole wide world in our yard to explore. We’re going to see things we’ve never seen before. That’s why every day we’re back for more! Backyard friends, the Backyardigans!

Now, the great thing about The Backyardigans was it had really good animation. It clearly had great representation in the voice actors and in the different plots that they followed, but every episode was a different style and genre of music, and if you can find the ‘80s episode it fucking rocks.

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: Like, Tasha, Tasha the Hippo becomes a giant, and she sings about how there’s nothing bigger than a giant except her giant heart.

Amanda: Aw!

Sarah: But the very best part of The Backyardigans is the closing song. Like, a children’s show that has a closing song is awesome. And at the end, the, the imaginary world or adventure that they’ve created starts to fade away, and they get their, they, they get their little backyard back, and at the end they all sing:

We’ve got the whole wide world in our yard to explore. Now it’s time for us to have a snack.

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: Meet you next time when we’re back with your friends the Backyardigans.

And there are times when I will go in the kitchen and just sing – [sings] – now it’s time for me to have a snack! Meet you next time when we’re back with your friends the Backyardigans!

It’s not, I don’t think it’s even on the air anymore, but that show was amazing. It was so good.

Amanda: I want to look at these animal children. I’m googling.

Sarah: They’re super cute! All right. Trust me, you want to watch the episode with the ‘80s. I think it’s called “A Giant Problem,” where they think Tasha the giant –

Amanda: Okay.

Sarah: – is, is terrible, and the ‘80s music is just, it is perfect.

Amanda: Okay.

Sarah: All right, we have a message from Stefka while you’re googling the adorable Backyardigans.

[pop!]

Amanda: Yeah.

Stefka: See, here’s a, one that I used to watch with my sister in the ‘90s. [Sings] Sister –

Sarah: Yes!

Stefka: – sister –

Amanda: [Sings] Sister!

Stefka: – talk about a –

Sarah: Yes!

Amanda: [Laughs]

Stefka: – two-way twister. Shaking up the family tree with sibling synchronicity. Sister, sister –

Amanda: Sister!

Stefka: – never knew how much I missed you. Now that everybody knows, I ain’t ever gonna let you go!

So this one, I guess the Pavlovian response would be, “Go home, Roger!” if you’ve ever watched it.

[Laughter]

Amanda: I did watch it! I enjoy Sister, Sister.

Sarah: Okay, Stefka, that was some outstanding singing, by the way? That was fabulous, and yes. Also, the fact that they used the word synchronicity is just –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – perfect.

Amanda: That’s a flex. [Laughs]

Sarah: That is, that is a lyrical, lyrical flex.

Amanda: Okay, so I have a two-parter, because neither of these songs –

Sarah: Oooh!

Amanda: – are the, the, the theme song or the ending song, but they appear in the show almost every episode.

Sarah: Okay!

Amanda: So, and they’re very quick, and I think you’ll, you’ll get it right off the bat. Okay. So –

Sarah: All right.

Amanda: – one of the songs, one of the songs always featured – and there was a time – so during the summers, my grandmother would watch me instead of, like, me going to daycare, so I would watch a lot of, like, Nickelodeon and, like, Cartoon Network, like, young children’s programming, so, like, Blue’s Clues and stuff like that. The – [laughs] –

Sarah: OG Blue’s Clues was the shit!

Amanda: Yeah; yeah, it was. I mean –

Sarah: Adam goes to check the mail and may in fact sing the mailbox song.

Amanda: Yeah, of course! Who doesn’t?

Sarah: Obviously. Everybody does.

Amanda: Yeah. So, similar to Blue’s Clues, the first song is called “Backpack.”

[Sings] Backpack, backpack. Backpack, backpack. I’m the backpack loaded up with things and knickknacks too. Anything that you might need –

Sarah: Yes!

Amanda: – I’ve got inside for you! Backpack, backpack.

Sarah: Yes!

Amanda: Backpack, backpack. Yeah! [Laughs]

And then of course – [sings] – if there’s a place you got to go, I’m the one you need to know: I’m the map. I’m the map –

Sarah: Yep!

Amanda: – I’m the map. If there’s a place you got to get, I can get you there, I bet! I’m the map!

And then it repeats, I’m the map –

Sarah: Yep.

Amanda: – like, for forever, in case you forgot that it was the map. [Laughs]

Sarah: Yep. Dora, Dora, Dora. The explorer. She’s a super-cool Exploradora.

Amanda: Dora gets –

Sarah: Dora should not be messed with.

Amanda: Yeah, I don’t remember the actual theme song, but I remember those two songs.

Sarah: [Sings] Dora, Dora, Dora the explorer!

Amanda: [Sings] Dora the explorer!

Sarah: She’s a super-cool Exploradora! Grab your backpack; let’s go! Jump in, vaminos!

Amanda: Vaminos! Okay.

Sarah: You can lead the way!

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: My neighbors are going to be so confused. What’s wrong with me? It’s going to be amazing. Because, like, what’s weird is the generations of children’s shows change very quickly? So I have teenagers –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – and my neighbors have kindergarteners, and so they’ve got, like, Paw Patrol and completely different show frames of references, but some –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – stuff is eternal, like Beyblade? Beyblade, Beyblade, let it rip.

Amanda: [Laughs] Never seen an episode of –

Sarah: But you know what they are! Yeah – [sings] – Beyblade, Beyblade, let it rip! [Normal voice] Yep, and it’s not a fart. [Laughs] It is not a fart –

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: – it is a small, expensive metal top.

I have two more kids’ shows, one that is just lyrically ridiculous, and then one that occupies, like, the deepest, squishiest, most emotional part of my soul, and I will argue that this is –

Amanda: Okay.

Sarah: – the greatest children’s TV song ever. Okay.

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: So there have been many incarnations of this cartoon, and maybe you caught one of them, but the original lyrics went: It started when an alien device did what it did.

Amanda: Oh, oh no.

Sarah: It started when an alien device did what it did and stuck itself upon his wrist with secrets that it hid. Now he’s got superpowers, he’s no ordinary kid: he’s Ben 10.

Amanda: Is this Ben 10? Okay –

Sarah: Ben 10!

Amanda: – I’ve never seen Ben 10.

Sarah: He’s Ben 10; he had ten different aliens. But the thing is, his, his antagonist was Kevin E. –

Amanda: Kevin!

Sarah: – Levin.

Amanda: Kevin –

Sarah: Levin, like L-E-V-I-N: Kevin E. Levin. Yeah, Kevin 11 was his, was his nemesis.

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: And then later became a good guy, and like –

Amanda: Did he have eleven aliens?

Sarah: – hooked up with Ben’s –

Adam: It’s complicated.

Sarah: It’s very complicated! He wasn’t an alien, but he could absorb the powers of other aliens? I forget what that was –

Adam: I thought he could absorb, like, surf-, like, he –

Sarah: No, he could absorb surfaces. Like, he could touch metal and become metal; he could touch glass and become glass. That’s not a good superpower; he’d be break- –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – very breakable. But his nemesis was Kevin E. Levin.

Amanda: Oh boy.

Sarah: The other children’s show that I love – like, I used to sing this to my kids to put, like, to help them go back to sleep, and it was the closing song, but it is just the –

Amanda: Oh boy.

Sarah: – sweetest, sweetest song. I love it. Okay. This was written in 1970, before I was born; that’s how old this is.

Amanda: Oh boy.

Sarah: [Sings] It’s such a good feeling to know you’re alive. It’s such a happy feeling; you’re growing inside, and when you wake up ready to say, I think I’ll make a snappy new day – [snaps fingers] – it’s such a good feeling, a very good feeling, the feeling you know that I’ll be back when the day is new, and I’ll have more ideas for you, and you’ll have things you’ll want to talk about. I will too.

Oh my God, I loved it so much!

Amanda: That is sweet! That’s very sweet.

Sarah: And Mister Rogers was filmed where I grew up, so Mr. Rogers was like, like the neighbor of Pittsburgh. Like, the, the Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood Museum –

Amanda: Just –

Sarah: – is in Pittsburgh –

Amanda: Just seeing –

Sarah: – and it’s so adorable.

Amanda: Just seeing a Mr. Rogers episode start will instantly make me start crying, just because of, like, how –

Sarah: Oh my God! Me too!

Amanda: – sweet and wholesome, like, that show was? And I’m like –

Sarah: Oh my God.

Amanda: – we did not deserve Mr. Rogers! [Laughs]

Sarah: No!

Amanda: We did not deserve –

Sarah: And I was so jealous! My, my sister went to college in Pittsburgh, and Mr. Rogers was her commencement speaker, and I was so pissed.

Amanda: What?!

Sarah: Well, I mean, it was, like, down the street for him, so, like, no big deal, but –

Amanda: Yeah!

Sarah: – oh. My. Gosh. Mr. Rogers.

Amanda: Did he wear a little, did he wear a sweater? Did he wear one of his sweaters?

Sarah: Yep. Yep.

Amanda: Oh my God!

Sarah: And a gown, but, but he had the sweater on under the gown. Yeah.

Amanda: Did you see – I think it was in Pittsburgh – Mis-, so Mr. Rogers’ wife – I don’t know if she’s still alive, but she was alive at the time – but as part of, like, a fundraiser, a bunch of people knit red Mr. Rogers sweaters for NICU babies?

Sarah: Yes!

Amanda: So there are these photos of, like, NICU babies in this knit –

Sarah: Yes, Children’s Hospital of Pittsburgh, yep. That’s my home town!

Amanda: Oh my God!

Sarah: I mean, of all of the things –

Amanda: It was beautiful.

Sarah: – for Pittsburgh to be known for, you know, screw sports, and the steel industry collapsed when I was like three. Mr. Rogers is the thing, right? Like, that’s the thing.

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: He’s so good!

Amanda: Okay.

Sarah: So good.

Amanda: So –

Sarah: All right.

Amanda: – I have, I have two kids’ shows and one, like, like a family sit-com. So choose either –

Sarah: I love it!

Amanda: – choose either –

Sarah: All right.

Amanda: – children’s show one or two or the sit-com.

Sarah: All right, let me, let me ask my, my, my trusty sidekick. Amanda has –

Amanda: Okay.

Sarah: – children’s show one, children’s show two, or family sit-com.

Amanda: Fam- –

Sarah: Which one are we going to hear next?

Adam: I mean, I’ve got to go with family sit-com.

Sarah: We’ve got to with family sit-com.

Amanda: [Laughs] ‘Kay. All right, all right. So I know –

Sarah: He’s so fluent in those.

Amanda: I know most of this song, but I don’t know where to start –

Sarah: Okay.

Amanda: – because there’s such good – okay. [Laughs]

[Sings] As long as we’ve got each other –

Sarah: [Sings] Each other! Yes!

Amanda: – we’ve got the world spinning right in our hands! Baby, you and me, we got to be the luckiest dreamers who never quit dreaming! As long as we keep on –

Sarah: Yes!

Amanda: – giving, we can take anything that comes our way! Baby, rain or shine, all the time!

Sarah: All the time!

Amanda: Sharing the laughter –

Sarah: Sharing the laughter and love. Yes! Oh my God, that’s on my list!

Amanda: [Laughs] But the first line is like – [sings] – show me that smile again, show me that smile!

Sarah: Show me that smile! Yes! Oh my God!

Amanda: Don’t waste another minute of your crying! [Laughs]

Sarah: [Sings] We’re nowhere near the end.

Amanda: [Sings] The end!

Sarah: The best is ready to begin!

Amanda: Ready to begin!

Sarah: Yes!

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: Yes! And then that was the one, so that’s written and sung by Alan Thicke, right?

Adam: I don’t know if he wrote it, but he’s definitely –

Sarah: He’s definitely singing it. And that was Growing Pains, right?

Amanda: It was, yes! [Laughs]

Sarah: Which, which had the more famous song, but was so subpar to me, compared to Family Ties, as a show.

Amanda: Oh yeah! Yeah.

Sarah: Because Growing Pains was just, was just fat jokes at Tracey Gold’s expense, which led her, led the poor woman to develop, like, severe anorexia, and Kirk Cameron being a complete tool, which is not a habit he kicked off and –

Amanda: Kirk Cameron.

Sarah: – is such a tool.

Amanda: We had such high hopes for you, and you disappointed at every turn.

Sarah: When you were young, when you were a young Amanda –

Amanda: Yeah, yeah.

Sarah: – did you have, like, Tiger Beat and Teen Beat and the magazines –

Amanda: I’m familiar.

Sarah: – where it was like lots of –

Amanda: If –

Sarah: Yeah.

Amanda: So if you want to know who my hunky, early ‘90s sit-com crush was –

Sarah: Yeah.

Amanda: – Jonathan Taylor Thomas in Home Improvement –

Sarah: Oh!

Amanda: – hands down.

Sarah: Totally! Totally.

Amanda: JTT all the way.

Sarah: Raspy voice – JTT all the way, right?

Amanda: Yeah. I also loved –

Sarah: So when I was younger –

Amanda: – Devon, Devon Sawa, who was in the movie Little Giants, which I love to death.

Sarah: Ohhh!

Amanda: But he was more of a movie heartthrob than a TV show heartthrob.

Sarah: Yeah. Yeah, he’s definitely a movie dude.

Amanda: [Laughs] Yeah.

Sarah: So when I was younger and there was, like, Tiger Beat and Teen Beat and it was just basically like teen pinup magazines? There was so much Kirk Cameron, and I never got the appeal. He was a jerk in his show; I never saw any interviews with him; his pictures were always smarmy. I never got the appeal –

Amanda: [Laughs] He is a bit smarmy!

Sarah: – and apparently I was right! He’s super smarm.

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: But you’re so right, that is a fantastic TV theme. It’s on my list, too!

Amanda: I, that might, I mean –

Sarah: Very good.

Amanda: – so far we haven’t, I don’t think we’ve overlapped yet, right? That’s the first one.

Sarah: No! No!

Amanda: Okay –

Sarah: I mean, one of my children’s, one of my children’s shows might pre-date my own children, but it’s so ridiculous that I love it so much! I will share it with you now.

Amanda: Yeah. Okay.

Sarah: Bananas in pajamas –

Adam: You have to sing.

Amanda: Oh my God, I love –

Sarah: I have to sing it?

Amanda: – Bananas in Pajamas. They’re coming down the stairs!

Sarah: [Sings] Bananas in pajamas, they’re coming down the stairs!

Amanda: [Sings] Coming down the stairs!

Sarah: Bananas in pajamas, they’re coming down in pairs! Bananas in pajamas, they’re chasing teddy bears! Sneaking up behind them to catch them unawares!

Who was high when this was made? Who was like, let’s take bananas and put them in pajamas because it rhymes?

Amanda: I don’t know. But I applaud them for it. [Laughs] I –

Sarah: I mean, if you –

Amanda: – for it!

Sarah: – like, think about it, if you needed to really entertain your brain, you could do an edible and watch some Bananas in Pajamas and have a really good time.

Amanda: Ohhh. I mean, or not, depending – [laughs] –

Sarah: Or not.

Amanda: – that, which is –

Sarah: Now, I have one other, one other, you-should-do-an-edible-and-watch-this-show option, but you might not have seen this one, ‘cause this was very ‘90s.

Amanda: Okay. Was it The Secret World of Alex Mack? Because that was a fucking weird show.

Sarah: Nnnno. That was a weird show, though.

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: All right. Is the first line of that show, Muno, he’s big and friendly?

Adam: He’s tall and –

Sarah: Tall and friendly, okay.

Amanda: Tall and friendly!

Sarah: So when I get to the end I’m going to tell you what to google so you can look at these pictures – it’s amazing.

Amanda: Okay.

Sarah: [Sings] Muno! He’s tall and friendly! Foofa! She’s pink and happy! Brobee! The little green one! Toodee! She’s pink and –

Adam: She likes to have fun!

Sarah: She likes to have fun! Plex! A magic robot. Let’s all go and play with DJ Lance Rock today! Yo gabba gabba! Yo gabba gabba!

Amanda: I was like, this is Yo Gabba Gabba!

Sarah: Yo! I have a friend who had her children – so we graduated together, and she has elementary school children, and at one point she emailed me and she was like, Sarah, what is this Yo Gabba Gabba! my children are watching? And I’m just like, you just have to go with it and think of it as your children’s first experience with what being high is like without any of the dangers involved.

Amanda: [Laughs]

Adam: So good.

Amanda: But I appreciate –

Sarah: It is such a weird show.

Amanda: – I appreciate children’s shows who know that, you know, the parents will also be watching, and so they try to make it also entertaining –

Sarah: Oh, absolutely.

Amanda: – for the parents.

Sarah: Oh yeah, like Mark, Mark Mothersbaugh would draw pictures; Biz Markie had the beat of the week, and he would teach kids how to beatbox?

Amanda: Or just, like, their guests! Like, they’ve had Elijah Wood on there and, like, Jack Black and, like –

Sarah: Weird Al. Oh yeah.

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: Oh yeah. You know Jack Black is sitting at home watching Yo Gabba Gabba! on purpose.

Adam: He was on it –

Amanda: Oh yeah.

Sarah: Yeah, he was on it, yeah. Oh yeah.

Amanda: Yeah!

Sarah: But Yo Gabba Gabba! was just so strange it transcended itself, and then one day a couple of weeks ago when WandaVision was on. The new episodes would premier at like midnight on a Friday, and then Friday af- –

Amanda: Yeah, there was, like, Yo Gabba Gabba! in the background, right, on the TV?

Sarah: Yes! Yes. Apparently, one of Wanda’s kids –

Amanda: Yo Gabba Gabba! is Marvel’s –

Sarah: Is in the MCU, I know! It’s Marvel canon! So I’m on the, I’m on Twitter in the morning, and I see that Yo Gabba Gabba! is trending, and I’m like, oh shit, what happened to DJ Lance Rock? So I go and look –

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: – and people are wigging out that Yo Gabba Gabba! is part of the MCU; like, it’s part of the Marvel universe. In the Marvel world, there’s Yo Gabba Gabba!

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: But I knew, and, and so what would happen when Marv-, when WandaVision was on, and now with The Falcon and the Winter Soldier, every Friday afternoon when my younger son is done with his classes, my husband and he will go sit on the couch together at like 3:30, and they’ll watch their shows together. It’s the cutest fucking thing. Like, it’s so great? But I knew that if Adam saw Yo Gabba Gabba! was trending he would click on it, and he would get spoiled, so I had to send him these really oblique texts –

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: – like, listen, you’re going to see something trending on Twitter, and it’s going to seem like something you want to click. Don’t click it. It’s a spoiler, and you will be very sad if this is spoiled. And he was like, ooo-kay? So then he and Max watched it, and all of a sudden I hear, oh my God! It’s Yo Gabba Gabba!

[Laughter]

Sarah: Seriously, though –

Amanda: That’s, like, a very sweet, like, wife thing to do, though. It’s like, hey, I know –

Sarah: Oh, thank you!

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: But see, like, I’m all about spoilers? Like, they don’t bother me, and Adam –

Amanda: – either.

Sarah: – they’re like, no spoilers. Nonononono, and I’m like, I spoil everything. And, and my, my younger kid, he has, he has anxiety like I do – like, our anxieties are a complete match – and so, like, we’ll be watching something, and he’ll text me from, like, the sofa, like, hey, Mom, have you spoiled this? Do you know what’s going to happen? I’ll be like, oh yeah, this is what’s going to happen. Okay, thanks, Mom. Like, we’ll alleviate each other’s anxieties with spoilers, but Adam is hella no spoiler, and I knew that if he didn’t get to discover the delight of Yo Gabba Gabba! being in WandaVision, he would be –

Amanda: On his own, yep.

Sarah: – he would be bummed! Seriously, though, that is the weirdest, most enjoyable children’s show I have ever seen. There’s a whole song –

Amanda: Okay.

Sarah: – about washing your hands that is just brilliant.

Amanda: [Laughs] So my next song –

Sarah: Bring it!

Amanda: – is such a flex. Is such a – I mean, I think this is another, like, Pav-, Pavlovian response, but it was sung by Chaka Khan, and it’s a kid’s show. The second I say the first phrase, you’re going to know it, and if you don’t, I’m disappointed, Sarah.

Sarah: Everyone’s going to know.

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: Oh God. The pressure is on.

Amanda: But you ready?

[Sings] Butterfly in the sky! I could go –

Sarah: [Sings] I could go –

Amanda and Sarah: – twice as high!

Amanda: [Laughs, sings] Take a look! It’s in a book!

Sarah: It’s in a –

Amanda: – a Reading Rainbow! [Laughs]

Sarah: Oh! Do you know that I had forgotten that that was sung by Chaka Khan, and I am now –

Amanda: I –

Sarah: – incredibly delighted to repossess this knowledge.

Amanda: [Laughs] When I was googling it to make sure, like, I remembered it correctly, it was like, sung by Chaka Khan. I was like, shit! Of course it is! Like –

Sarah: Of course it was!

Amanda: – it doesn’t get, it doesn’t get any better than Chaka Khan and LeVar Burton, honestly.

Sarah: No, it really doesn’t.

Amanda: No!

Sarah: All right, I have a song for you that has an equally strong Pavlovian response.

Amanda: Oh boy. I hope it’s not, I hope it’s not my last one. [Laughs]

Sarah: Ladies and gentlemen! It’s The Muppet Show! Duh-di-duh-di-duh, duh-di-duh-di-duh, duh-di-duh-di-duh-duh! [Continues to hum theme song, then sings, with Adam joining in] It’s time to lead the music, it’s time to light the lights! It’s time to meet the Muppets on The Muppet Show tonight!

Amanda: Muppet Show tonight!

Sarah: [Hums, sings] It’s time to put on makeup! It’s time to dress up right! It’s time to meet the Muppets on the Muppet Show tonight!

Amanda: Muppet Show tonight!

Sarah: Why do we always come here? I guess we’ll never know. It’s like a kind of torture to have to watch the show. [Hums] Drum solo on the patio chair! There we go.

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: There you are.

Amanda: No, that was not my – I’m, like, crying.

[Laughter]

Sarah: But, like, it’s a Pavlovian response, right? Ladies and gentlemen, it’s The Muppet Show! [Hums] It’s, it’s, it’s –

Amanda: It’s kind of like the –

Sarah: Who let the –

Amanda: – like, Friends, the Friends theme song too, like the clapping part? Like –

Sarah: One –

Amanda: – I don’t even like Friends –

Sarah: – two –

Amanda: – as a TV show.

Sarah: – three.

Amanda: The Pavlovian response is also very pronounced in the, the Friends theme song where you have, like, the clap part?

Sarah: Oh! [Hums] Yep!

Amanda: [Hums, claps]

Sarah: [Sings] So no one told you life was gonna be this way –

Amanda: [Sings] Was gonna be this way –

[Clapping]

Sarah: Clap, clap, clap, clap! Yeah.

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: Yep! It’s Pavlovian; it just gets you, right?

Amanda: Yeah. There, there’s a part in – so my friend Gail and I were driving to go, like, pick up food after the bookstore, and she is older than me. She’s like fifty-eight, but I love Gail so much; she’s wonderful. And so we’re in her car, and “Blister in the Sun” by the Violent Femmes came on?

[Laughter]

Amanda: Which, like, came out in the ‘70s, I think? Oh no, so “Blister in the Sun” came out in ’83 is when it came out.

Sarah: Oh my goodness!

Amanda: So before I was born, but I love the song. But it was funny that, like, the minute it happened, we both, like, clapped.

[Laughter, crosstalk]

Amanda: – good. It was great.

Sarah: It’s, it’s a, it’s a multigenerational Pavlovian response, right?

Amanda: Yeah. And that’s, like, it’s a kick-ass song. Everyone go listen to “Blister in the Sun” by Violent Femmes. [Laughs]

Sarah: All right, here we go. We have a message –

Amanda: Okay.

[pop!]

Guest: Yo, what’s up I’m an Adult and Smart Bitches? What’s good, what’s good?

Sarah: Oh!

Guest: I see your theme is –

Sarah: Hey!

Guest: – TV theme song challenge?

Amanda: Yeah!

Guest: All right. All my favorite, like –

Sarah: Yes!

Guest: – TV theme songs have to be, like, or got to be, like, the Malcolm in the Middle song, you know.

Sarah: Yes!

Guest: [Sings] Yes, no, maybe, I don’t know! Can you repeat the question?

[pop]

Sarah: And yes!

Amanda: [Sings] You’re not the boss of me now! You’re not the boss of me –

Sarah: [Sings] You’re not the boss of me now!

Oh, that’s such a – I think that’s They Might Be Giants, isn’t it? Yes. They Might Be Giants wrote so many good theme songs, and that’s definitely one of them. I’ve heard them perform that live and watched, like, little toddlers start moshing. It’s amazing.

Amanda: [Laughs] Are you sure? Just because they’re unsteady on their feet, Sarah.

Sarah: No, they were definitely moshing. I was watching –

[Laughter]

Sarah: – little, little handfuls of Cheerios careening into one another. Oh yeah. I didn’t even have that on my list.

Amanda: Yeah, you –

Sarah: Thank you.

Amanda: That’s a really good one.

Sarah: That is brilliant.

Amanda: So my last –

Sarah: All right.

Amanda: – one that I have on my list –

Sarah: Yes.

Amanda: – I, I owned the movie soundtrack to this in cassette because I loved this song so much.

Sarah: Oh my gosh!

Amanda: In cassette, and I would make my, I remember I invited a friend over and we were doing, like, karaoke, and this was the song I chose to do karaoke –

Sarah: Oh my gosh!

Amanda: with? [Laughs]

Sarah: So you owned it on cassette, and you did karaoke with it.

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: Holy cow.

Amanda: [Laughs] I was clearly a very cool kid.

Sarah: I mean, obvs! You had pudding wrestling for Halloween; there’s no topping that.

Amanda: Yeah. This –

Sarah: You can do anything you want after that.

Amanda: [Laughs] This was pre-pudding wrestling.

Sarah: [Laughs]

Amanda: But I think you’ll know this, and I, I feel like I should dedicate this to, to your, your teens.

Sarah: My teens.

Amanda: Because –

Sarah: Okay.

Amanda: Your teens.

Sarah: My teens.

Amanda: You ready?

Sarah: I’m ready.

Amanda: [Sings] I wanna be the very best –

Sarah: The very best!

Amanda: – like no one ever was!

Sarah: Yes!

Amanda: To catch them is my real test; to train them is my cause! I will travel –

Sarah: Yes!

Amanda: – across the land, searching far and wide! Each Pokémon to understand the power that’s inside! Pokémon!

Sarah: I’m crying! [Sings] Gotta catch ‘em all!

Amanda: It’s you and me! I know it’s our destiny! Pokémon! Oh, you’re my best friend in a world –

Amanda and Sarah: – we must defend!

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: [Squees] I’m crying, I love it so much! Oh my gosh!

Amanda: It’s so good! It’s like – [sings] – you teach me, and I’ll teach you!

Amanda and Sarah: Pokémon!

[Laughter]

Sarah: Oh, I love it! I love it!

Amanda: It’s –

Sarah: Oh my gosh!

Amanda: – think like, I, I hope – I’m sure Stephanie can hear me screaming –

Sarah: [Laughs] She’s probably thinking, well, at least she’s not fucking eating mayonnaise and peanut butter this week!

Amanda: I’m like, I bet she’s like, God, I, I need Amanda to stop doing these Stereo shows.

[Laughter]

Amanda: She’s, like, eating weird things, shouting the Pokémon theme song.

Sarah: That’s on my list; the Pokémon theme is absolutely on my list, because it’s one of the best!

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: It’s, it’s, it’s one of the very best theme songs that sticks with you, and the minute you hear it –

Amanda: But –

Sarah: – you’re like, yes!

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: All right, I have, I have one more. I have one more to wrap things up.

Amanda: Okay.

Sarah: But are you ready?

Amanda: Yes!

Sarah: [Hums, sings] Sunny day –

Amanda: [Sings] Day!

Sarah: – sweeping the –

Amanda and Sarah: – clouds away! On my way to where the air is sweet! Can you tell me how to get, how to –

Sarah: [Laughs]

Amanda and Sarah: – to Sesame Street?

Amanda: That one was always so good!

Sarah: I don’t even know what instruments make the opening sounds, but the minute I hear them, I am like, okay, it is Central Park. There are bell bottoms, Big Bird is in a tree. It, it is the ‘70s in New York, and I am there!

Amanda: Yeah, of course!

Sarah: And that is one of those things where, like Pokémon, I watched Sesame Street, my kids watched Sesame Street, and Sesame Street is still on. I love that.

Amanda: Also, I hope you turn –

Sarah: Yes?

Amanda: – this episode into a podcast episode.

[music]

Sarah: And that brings us to the end of this week’s episode. Did you sing along? I hope you were singing. I hope you sang along. I hope you were like, yes, I love that show! I hope you email me and tell me what shows we forgot to sing, and I hope we do this again sometime, ‘cause this really gave me a big lift, and I hope that it did for you as well.

And if you’re thinking that you want to hear all these songs, they’re in the Spotify playlist, and I linked to it in the show notes at smartbitchestrashybooks.com/podcast, or if I did it right, you should be able to click a link in the show notes to the episode in the podcatcher that you are using right this minute.

As always, I will end this episode with a bad joke. And I’m kind of spoiling it that it’s a joke, because I read this joke and thought, ha, that’s funny, and then forgot about it. And then my husband told it to me yesterday, and I completely fell for it, and when he told me the punch line I just yelled and scared the neighbor. So I’m kind of half spoiling it by telling you that it is a joke, but I am reasonably confident that you will be able to get some of your friends and family with this joke, because it’s really bad. All right, you ready? Okay. [Clears throat]

Did you hear that Sweden has elected the CEO of IKEA to be their prime minister?

Yeah, it’s true. He’s busy assembling his cabinet right now!

[Laughs] So silly! And when he told me, I was like, wait, really? They did? And I’d read the joke already! Oh, it was wonderful. I yelled. The neighbor got scared. It was great. So if you manage to make a member of your friends or family or surrounding humans yell about this joke, I definitely want to hear about it. You can email me, as you probably know, at [email protected] .

We will be back next week with more silliness and mayhem and discussion about all sorts of things, but until then, we wish you the very best of reading. Have a wonderful, wonderful weekend.

Smart Podcast, Trashy Books is part of the Frolic Podcast Network. You can find more outstanding podcasts to subscribe to at frolic.media/podcasts.

[groovy music]