366. Amanda and The Blacksmith Queen

[music]

Sarah Wendell: Well, hello there, and welcome to episode number 366 of Smart Podcast, Trashy Books. I’m Sarah Wendell from Smart Bitches, Trashy Books. With me today is Amanda, also from Smart Bitches, Trashy Books. If you like it when we hang out and talk about books and everything else, this episode is perfect for you. We talk about our cats waking us up, and then Amanda geeks out about The Blacksmith Queen by G. A. Aiken that came out this week. There is so much to talk about with this book. We also talk about video games we want, what books we’re excited about in September, and how I organize my reading because I’m super nerdy about workflow.

I do want to give you a heads-up that at about fifty minutes in [about 50:00] we talk about death, mortuary practice, cemeteries, and funerals, but mostly this episode is some squee – holy cow, is there squee.

This week’s podcast is brought to you by the Muffia series, written by Ann Royal Nicholas. If you like Sex and the City and The Jane Austen Book Club or if you’re a member of a book club yourself, you will love this contemporary women’s fiction series set in Los Angeles. The Muffia, More Muffia, and Muff Stuff are each narrated by a different member of the Muffia Book Club. In each of the stories there’s a light mystery element and a couple of book club meetings where invariably one of the Muffs reveals a calamity that needs everyone’s help. The Muffia is a series about the enduring power of friendship and the love of books, and heads up, podcast listeners! Ann Royal is offering a discount on The Muffia and More Muffia on Amazon from now until September 6, 2019. If you go to Amazon, you can pick up either book for one-third of the regular price; that’s 99 cents each instead of $2.99! And if you would like to read Muff Stuff, send an email with proof of purchase from Amazon to Bournos Media – B-O-U-R-N-O-S Media at gmail dot com [[email protected]] of either The Muffia or More Muffia, and she’ll send you a PDF or EPUB of Muff Stuff for free during that same time period. And if you are a paperback reader, head over to Anna’s website bournos.com/publications. If you order all three books at the same time, instead of $45 plus shipping, she’ll charge you $30 total for shipping in the US, and if there’s any issues you can email her. The first four orders of all three paperbacks will also get a free Muffia tote bag. So thanks to Ann Royal Nicholas and the Muffia series for sponsoring this month’s podcasts.

This episode and the transcript are also brought to you by FabFitFun, a seasonal subscription box that’s customized to your taste with full-size premium beauty, fitness, fashion, and lifestyle products. You get over $200 in product for only $49.99 per season, and if you use code TRASHYBOOKS you get $10 off your first box at fabfitfun.com. They do sell out fast, so if you’re curious, sign up soon. They sent me a preview of the Fall ’19 box, and it’s been a while since I’ve had a subscription box arrive on my doorstep, and I really liked it. It’s like sending a present to yourself, right? I love that the items are customizable, and in my Fall box I really liked the travel yoga mat, which is perfect, because if I bring something with me in order to work out I’m much more likely to follow through. There was also a massive bottle of lotion that smells absolutely incredible, and there’s all these other neat things I can’t wait to try. The FabFitFun box makes a wonderful gift for yourself or for someone you love, and when it shows up on your porch it’s a perfect way to treat yourself. Really, I was delighted, and I knew it was coming! If you use code TRASHYBOOKS you get $10 off your first box, so that’s only $39.99 at fabfitfun.com. That is $10 off with code TRASHYBOOKS at fabfitfun.com.

If you have supported the show with a monthly pledge at our Patreon, thank you, thank you, thank you. You are helping me ensure that every episode receives a transcript, keep the show going, and you make sure every episode is accessible. If you would like to join the Patreon community, it would be wonderful to have you. Go to patreon.com/SmartBitches. Monthly pledges start at one dollar. Every pledge makes a difference. Thank you in advance.

I will have information at the end of the show about the music you’re listening to, I will have information about what’s coming up on Smart Bitches, and I’ll have a terrible joke, and this week’s joke is real bad. I’ve test-driven on many people. They all groaned, so you know that it’s horrible.

We also talk a lot about video games and different things that we’re talking about on the internet, so I will have links to everything we discuss, plus all the books we talk about because, well, this is a very book-chatty episode.

So let’s get on with it, shall we? On with the podcast with me, Amanda, and The Blacksmith Queen.

[music]

Sarah: How you doing?

Amanda: Oh my God, this fucking cat!

Sarah: What did he do? Also, the, when I record over Skype, it automatically starts recording, so I’m already recording.

Amanda: Okay, that’s fine.

Sarah: Sorry. I’m, I’m required by law to let you know these things!

Amanda: He had no food in his bowl –

Sarah: Oh, well –

Amanda: – God forbid –

Sarah: – clearly you fucked that all up.

Amanda: – so he’s, like, ripping, like, stems and flowers out of the vase of flowers Eric got me. He’s climbing on my dresser, knocking things off my dresser.

Sarah: Yeah.

Amanda: He is grabbing my packet of birth control off my nightstand and running off with that.

Sarah: Of course, yeah!

Amanda: It’s like, Bud, please! Please! But he would not relent until I got up and fed him!

Sarah: Well –

Amanda: So.

Sarah: – that seems logical to me. When I get up I get, I, I get yelled at if the food, if, if, if Wilbur can see the bottom of the food dish. Like, it’s visible and he can see it. It is not acceptable. It is super not okay.

Amanda: It’s always crapshoot, ‘cause sometimes, you know, there’ll be food in his bowl and it’ll be fine –

Sarah: Right.

Amanda: – and there’ll still be some in the morning.

Sarah: Right.

Amanda: Or sometimes he just gets, like, the crazy munchies in the middle of the night –

Sarah: Right.

Amanda: – scarfs it all down –

Sarah: Right.

Amanda: – and then there’s, like, nothing left and he’s like –

Sarah: Of course!

Amanda: – I need food now!

Sarah: I am starving! I’m wasting away! You are not doing your job!

Amanda: I know, and he’s, like, a big boy, so, like, it’s hard to maneuver him around, ‘cause he’ll, like –

Sarah: [Laughs]

Amanda: – he’ll, like, dig his paws in, and he, like, will not –

Sarah: I’m not moving.

Amanda: – he will not be deterred from trying to get on the nightstand from my bed.

Sarah: Aww. Poor kitty.

Amanda: Oh, poor him. He has a bad life.

Sarah: His life is really hard! I mean, you know –

Amanda: Yeah. So rough.

Sarah: – you don’t feed him enough. It’s very sad.

Amanda: He gets dry food and wet food!

Sarah: Clearly this is not enough! I mean, you don’t walk around with a spoon to just fill his bowl. I mean, Wilbur really does act like the end of the universe is happening if he can see the bottom of the bowl. There could be like two inches of food all the way around, but once the bottom of the bowl has been sighted, it’s – I will go in and shake it so that the food is in an even layer, and he’s like, well, thank you, that’s much better; I appreciate that; and then he eats!

Amanda: It’s like when babies have, like, object, they, they don’t have object permanence?

Sarah: Yeah. Like, it’s gone forever! I can see the bottom of the bowl and I’m starving!

Amanda: There’s no food here!

Sarah: I’m dying of no food!

So how late did you stay up reading The Blacksmith Queen? Tell me all about – I started it last night and I was like, this is just, first of all, this is shoulder porn. Like –

Amanda: [Laughs] Every scene Keeley is in, it’s like, her back muscles rippled under the, the –

Sarah: Her shoulder muscles were as large as boulders! Like, I was like, this is so hot!

Amanda: And she’s, like, lifting things and, like –

Sarah: She’s like Thor and Cassandra from Assassin’s Creed Odyssey had a baby –

Amanda: Yes!

Sarah: – and, complete with hammer.

Amanda: Yes. Yeah.

Sarah: Okay, so tell me all about this book, and tell me how much you like it. Or if you decided it’s not for you because it’s just so over-the-top.

Amanda: Oh no. I, I feel like the Honey Badger series is too much for me, and I think it has something to do with, like, it’s a, a modern setting. It’s, like, set in today.

Sarah: Right, so I think they’re all in, aren’t they all in, like, Brooklyn or something in a bear neighborhood?

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: Yeah. So it’s –

Amanda: No, they’re in Queens. They’re in Queens.

Sarah: They’re in Queens; that’s right.

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: Both boroughs are now very offended.

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: I can handle the Crows in LA because they live such a fantasy life, and they’re –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – and, like, they have a compound and – that fantasy aspect never bugged me. The part about bringing in Queens didn’t really jerk me out of the story either, but I can see why that’s too much reality. This, however, is, like, full-on –

Amanda: It’s like, we’re in a fanny, fantasy world. Whatever.

Sarah: Yeah, it’s like medieval –

Amanda: Shit happens.

Sarah: – medieval-style fantasy, somebody’s going to walk around with those, those fabric shoes with the pointed toes and, and balloon pants, and it’s just fine.

Amanda: That, like, just every woman that G. A. Aiken puts on the page is fantastic. Even, like, the villainous mother at the beginning. I was like, you know what? I kind of like her. She’s got some chutzpah. Like –

Sarah: She’s the one who’s running that throne.

Amanda: Oh yeah.

Sarah: Like, her son is –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – an idiot.

Amanda: Yeah, he’s like – [whines] – I don’t want to get married! [Normal voice] And I was like, oh, well, boohoo. You just, like, murdered a bunch of people. I think getting married is the least of your problems.

Sarah: I know, it’s so horrible. And, and she, like, manages him while he’s killing people. I have to say, the opening of The Blacksmith Queen is so bloody, I was like –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – this is what happens you write down a Game of Thrones episode with actualized female characters with swords and agency.

Amanda: Yeah. And then, what is it, the, the aunt who used to be, like, a pit fighter who, like, doesn’t give a shit about nudity, and she’s like, so help me God –

Sarah: Oh, Keeley’s sister! Keeley’s sister or aunt?

Amanda: The aunt.

Sarah: The aunt, yes.

Amanda: It’s her, it’s her mother’s sister, I believe.

Sarah: Yes.

Amanda: And she’s like, so help me God, I will show my tits and bush to everyone if you do not get it under control here.

Sarah: [Laughs]

Amanda: So –

Sarah: So for those who will be listening, summarize the start of this book as briefly as you can.

Amanda: Okay. So the prologue –

Sarah: Where nothing really happens.

Amanda: No.

Sarah: There’s a lot that happens.

Amanda: No. I’m like a, like, well, like, I’m a quarter of the way into it. And I tried –

Sarah: It’s like five battle scenes in, in a row in, like, the first nine percent.

Amanda: Yes. It is nonstop action. So prologue essentially sets up that this king has died, his sons want control, his sons start killing each other off, but these, like, oracle witches have predicted that it’ll actually be a queen who takes over the throne.

Sarah: Do you think –

Amanda: And all the sons are like, SHIIIT!

Sarah: Oh fuck, that’s a problem. Do you think this was, like, her answer – you know, I never like to ascribe motivation to any author, because I’m always wrong, and the timing would not work, but I feel like this book will appeal to everyone who think, thinks that Daenerys got a bad deal.

Amanda: Oh, that’s a – I mean, I think this was written, obviously, beforehand.

Sarah: Oh, it has to have been by timing –

Amanda: Yeah!

Sarah: – by timing rules alone. But still –

Amanda: But I would say yes, and then, like I said, I’m only like a quarter of the way into it, but so far, unless this turns out to be, like, wrong, G. A. Aiken does a good bait-and-switch in terms of, like, who is prophesied to be queen?

Sarah: Yes.

Amanda: So – [sighs] – yeah. So that’s the prologue, and then it, like, fast-forwards to, like, Keeley, who is the family blacksmith taking over the family business, and pretty much, like, trying to protect her family, because her family is part of the prophecy, and people have come calling to, to murder the future queen.

Sarah: Right, and there’s this whole crew of people who are allegedly hiding in the woods, but shitty at, shitty at their jobs.

Amanda: Oh yeah, everyone knows that they’ve been there the entire time, and every time they try to be sneaky, I think it’s, like, Keeley and her dad are like, oh yeah, we know you’ve been here, like, watching us, so –

Sarah: Yeah, like –

Amanda: – like, not that sneaky.

Sarah: You know, you want some water now? ‘Cause I know you’ve been sitting in the woods for so long.

Amanda: And she uses – so that, was it the Amichai [Ami-kai]? Is that what they’re called?

Sarah: Amichai [Ami-khai]. If it’s, if, if it’s Hebrew –

Amanda: Amichai [Ami-khai].

Sarah: – if it’s Hebrew, then it’s Amichai [Ami-khai].

Amanda: Okay. I mean, you find out early on, and it’s in the, the description that they are centaur people? So they have, like, a human form and, like, a horse form, and they can switch at will. But both Keeley and her dad know what they are, and they drop, like, little verbal hints of, like, I know what you are. Like, she refers to them as a herd at one point, and they’re like, oh, no.

Sarah: What?!

Amanda: They’re like, she knows! She knows!

Sarah: Aside from the name, I have no evidence that this is based on any kind of Jewish theology or culture, but if they’re Jew- –

Amanda: What does it mean in –

Sarah: Amichai?

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: Amichai is a name –

Amanda: Oh.

Sarah: – and, like –

Amanda: Is it spelled the same?

Sarah: Yeah. Ami- – A-, A-M-I-C-H-A-I. Yeah. I have no evidence that they’re in any way Jewish, but I’m, I’m here for the possibility of Jewish centaurs.

Amanda: Huh.

Sarah: That’s great! I’m totally here!

Amanda: I will read into that!

Sarah: Also, the meaning of the name Amichai, ‘cause I just looked it up?

Amanda: That’s what I was looking –

Sarah: It means “My people are alive.”

Amanda: Interesting.

Sarah: My nation lives; my people are alive.

Amanda: I mean –

Sarah: And they’re half a horse. As you do.

Amanda: Yeah! And, like, they, it seems like they can switch at will, because –

Sarah: Yes.

Amanda: – one of the –

Sarah: Horse shifters!

Amanda: – one of the Amichai [Ami-kai] – Amichai? [Ami-khai]

Sarah: Khuh. You’ve got to get a khuh in the back of your throat, and Amichai [Ami-khai].

Amanda: Khuh. Oh boy.

Sarah: Or Ami-, Ami-, Amichai [Ami-shy] if you want to just use a shuh sound too.

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: I don’t really care. I’m not going to get arsed about it.

Amanda: One of the women, like, some dude tries to feel her up, and –

Sarah: Oh my God!

Amanda: – Keeley says, like, no one else probably noticed, but it seemed like her back legs, like, turned into, like, horse legs; then she, like, kicked the dude clear across the room. I was worried because a lot of the reviews I was reading on Goodreads were like, this isn’t – it’s shelved as a fantasy romance, but there’s not really much romance in the first book. And I was like, oh dang! But, I mean, it hooked me right away, and I feel bad for ever doubting G. A. Aiken/Shelly Laurenston. [Laughs] But we were talking about this, where all of Keeley’s family, they’re just so interesting. Her sisters are so interesting, and being romance readers, we’re always kind of trying to suss out, like, who is the sequel bait? Who is going to be the next one?

Sarah: [Laughs] Yeah.

Amanda: And so even though Keeley is the main character, it does jump around between the family members and the centaurs. I, I hope that nothing happens to these sweet, precious sister babies, and, you know, like, they will also get a romance throughout the story. ‘Cause she has one sister – even though Keeley is a badass bitch with biceps to die for –

Sarah: Oh my God, she’s so inspiring my weightlifting routine?

Amanda: There’s Gemma –

Sarah: Oh my God.

Amanda: – who’s the secretive nun –

Sarah: Ohhh!

Amanda: – who I have, I don’t know what her deal is yet, but she is the secretive nun, and Keeley and Gemma are kind of estranged because Gemma left instead of sticking around to help the family. And then there’s, what is it, Beatrix? Who is this very quiet, very introspective –

Sarah: Mm-hmm.

Amanda: – reminds me a little bit of, like, Lydia Deetz from Beetlejuice? Like, just wants to be in her, like, books and letters and be by herself.

Sarah: She’s like the character from the second Crows book, the one who was an abused wife who’s very introverted, who’s really weird? She’s got –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – shades of that character as well, who I really liked, because the thing that’s nice about those characters in, in Aiken/Laurenston world is that they’re just accepted exactly as they are. Like, okay, you want to climb a tree and read a book? ‘Kay! Don’t fall! It’s fine.

Amanda: And Keeley and Beatrix have this interesting relationship when we first meet Beatrix. She’s like, okay, well, we have guests over, so I assume you don’t want to come in and eat, and Beatrix is like, yeah, you’re right; I don’t want to come in and eat. Like –

[Laughter]

Sarah: All right, I’ll save you some food.

Amanda: Yep, and she’s like, okay! But she’s very quiet and also secretive –

Sarah: Mm-hmm.

Amanda: – and I just love those three sisters, and I hope nothing happens to them, and they thrive and survive and get to –

Sarah: Get bigger biceps.

Amanda: – get to smooch people. But yeah –

Sarah: I have a question. This is a bit of an unfair question.

Amanda: Oh boy.

Sarah: So after the Crows books, the sort of underlying question is, okay, who are your sister Crows? Who are the women who have your back? And with the, the Honey Badgers, there’s a theme of, what are we giving a shit about that really isn’t important when there’s really important shit that we have to deal with?

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: What do you think will be the subtextual question of this book? How big are my biceps?

Amanda: [Laughs] Not very big.

Sarah: No! I cannot build muscle there. I have tried. It is not going well.

Amanda: I mean, a lot of Laurenston’s books are definitely focused on, like, how you define family.

Sarah: Oh yeah.

Amanda: Like, the family you build around yourself.

Sarah: Yes, that’s so true.

Amanda: So, and what I like about Keeley’s family is that they’re all very distinct, and they are pretty much, like, accepting of one another. You know, Keeley isn’t thrilled about Gemma’s decision to leave and join, like, a convent, but that’s because she, like, feels kind of betrayed in a way. Like, she’s like, oh, we’re family; we’re supposed to be in this together, and she feels like her sister kind of –

Sarah: You bailed!

Amanda: – abandoned the family unit.

Sarah: Mm-hmm.

Amanda: So I don’t know. I think it’ll have something to do with, like, family acceptance, but, like, that’s usually at the heart of every Laurenston book. So – [laughs]

Sarah: And, and accepting your family for who they are and, and –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: One thing I love about the, the introduction of Keeley is that she not only recognizes but fully owns her strengths and really doesn’t give a shit what you think, and she’s very happy!

Amanda: Oh yeah! I –

Sarah: She’s not, like, big and broody and muscular and argh, my life is – no! She’s like, all right, I just killed some guys. Now I’m going to go back to the smithy. You guys are horses. You want to come? She’s very chill!

Amanda: She’s very much like Thor in that aspect. She’s just, like, excited and just, like, clearly takes pleasure and joy in the life that she has.

Sarah: Yeah! She, and she’s so strong in many ways of that, in many ways to define the word. Like, it’s not just she’s physically strong and can kill soldiers with her hammer, which she does, which, you know, if any readers are looking for scenes where men get, terrible men get smashed, the first like ten percent will hook you up for at least a year. Like, it’ll, it’ll –

Amanda: With a, a giant hammer.

Sarah: Giant hammer. Yep.

Amanda: Or, or torn appall, torn apart by demon wolves.

Sarah: Also a thing you can enjoy very much in the first few chapters –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – of this book. The, the, the thing about all of her strengths is that she also knows what she’s good at, and she knows, she knows what’s important to her, and she is strong in her ability to accept herself and everyone around her. She’s not trying to make anyone change. Or she’s trying not, she’s not trying to, like, make the world different or bend it to ways she wants is to be. She’s like, okay, this is how things are; this is how I am. Let’s go back and, you know, smash some terrible men!

Amanda: And, and, like, with Gemma, I don’t think she wants to change Gemma either. I just think she –

Sarah: No, she’s mad at her!

Amanda: – just wants to understand! She’s like, I don’t get why you did this, and it’s clear that – so Keeley and her dad are close, and Gemma and the mom are close, and, like –

Sarah: Oh, and the women, all of them are so great!

Amanda: All of them are great, and it’s clear that the mom and Gemma both have an understanding of why Gemma chose to leave.

Sarah: She knows. I don’t think anyone else does.

Amanda: Yeah. So it’s just like a matter of Keeley feeling hurt that, like, Gemma hasn’t trusted her enough to explain, like, what her deal is.

Sarah: Mm-hmm.

Amanda: And, like, you know, she’s the oldest and Gemma is like the second oldest, so I, I’m assuming they’re like – the family has twelve children, first of all, so it is a very big family!

Sarah: No wonder she’s got all those muscles.

Amanda: I know! So you know, if, with Gemma and Keeley being the first two born, I’m sure it was like just them for a little bit. Like, I don’t know, I can understand why she would, why Keeley would be upset, so. I still don’t know what Gemma’s deal is yet. I’m waiting, but yeah, it was, it’s a book that once you start, you’re like, ah, shit, it’s now like 1 a.m. I, I’ve got to put this down for a second and go to sleep! My body needs sleep. But yeah, it’s really dang good. I mean, I hope it, it turns into, like, everyone gets, like, an HEA, even though I, I do like following Keeley. So we’ll see. I, like, made a tweet about it, and I was like, I just started The Blacksmith Queen, and I want to be Keeley’s small peasant wife.

[Laughter]

Sarah: I want, I want, I want the biceps and the shoulders.

Amanda: I just want Keeley to bench press me. [Laughs]

Sarah: I’m sure that she could bench press you, me, and our car, and, and, and a house, and a, and a tree.

Amanda: And I think I, I like that too, that the descriptions of Keeley are like, she is, like, large and muscular.

Sarah: Oh yeah.

Amanda: Yeah, she – no offense to women who are, like, waifish and willowy and stuff like that, but it’s refreshing to see, like, a muscular woman, like, doing, doing shit, getting shit done, swinging around a big hammer! I like seeing that.

Sarah: Oh yeah.

Amanda: So definitely in terms of, like, romance, I would love to see more of a variety of body types.

Sarah: Oh, always.

Amanda: It’s good. It’s so good so far. I can’t wait to finish it. I’ve been, like, adding notes on my phone of, like, GIFs to put in. Like, the, the prologue reminds me of that scene in, like, Lord of the Rings where it’s like, I am no man! 

[Laughter]

Sarah: She’s got a lot of – wait, who is that? Is that Eowyn? I think that’s Eowyn.

Amanda: I think so.

Sarah: She’s got a lot of Eowyn vibes.

Amanda: Or, like, Wonder Woman walking through No Man’s Land during –

Sarah: Yes.

Amanda: – what is it, World War –

Sarah: Yes.

Amanda: – One or Two? I don’t remember. Yeah, it’s definitely got that feeling of, like, badass women who don’t look at explosions that are happening behind them and –

Sarah: Yep.

Amanda: Yeah. It’s good.

Sarah: My, my favorite thing is the message you sent me last night: Have you read any of The Blacksmith Queen? I am in love with Keeley, who is a buff powerhouse. There are so many descriptions of her biceps and her huge muscles.

Amanda: No, seriously! When you first meet Keeley, I would say a good thirty percent of the descriptions are, like, how jacked Keeley is.

Sarah: Oh yeah.

Amanda: It’s great.

Sarah: It’s pretty great.

So what, what games have you been playing? You sent me a bunch of messages –

Amanda: Oh my gosh.

Sarah: – about video games. I am so far into Stardew Valley on my phone that I had to set a playing time for myself.

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: ‘Cause I was like, all right, I am going to get all the hearts with all the villagers before I buy anybody a bouquet, and I am going to get all four diamonds when Grandpa, when Dead Grandpa comes to check me out, but I can’t do that, ‘cause I found a listing of how much each point is worth, and marriage is worth a lot, and I’m certainly sucking at fishing. On a phone? Where you tap the screen?

Amanda: Oh boy.

Sarah: It’s terrible, and I’ve always been bad at the fishing. But, like, I am in the mines; I’ve got lots of boots. Like, I am in the game on my phone to a degree where I had to set playing time for myself, and I realized, you know, it, we have the, the discussion question about what do you do to be kind for, to, be kind to yourself? One of the comments was video games. I think it might have been Ellen. Yes, it was Ellen! Good job, Brain.

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: When I want to disengage from the world but want to engage in more thinking than I do with reading, I play video games, which is really funny to me because I’m the opposite? I, when I want the story to be half-baked for me and I can see the world not in my brain, like, all of the visual is built for me, I go play video games, which is why I love Assassin’s Creed and Dragon Age, and now I am hardcore playing Stardew Valley for hours.

Amanda: So I haven’t been doing a lot of playing. I’ve, I’ve been lusting after games at the moment. A lot of them are like Stardew Valley dupes in a sense? So I have, like, a list of games that I want to buy as, like, a personal reward.

Sarah: Oh, that’s a good call!

Amanda: Yes. To, like, reward myself for whatever. So one that an author that I follow on Twitter, Emily A. Duncan, who wrote Wicked Saints that I reviewed and enjoyed, she was talking about Stardew Valley, and she’s like, if you like Stardew Valley you should check out Yonder. And let me see if I can find the tweet, ‘cause, like, her tweet fucking sold it. And it, it mentions cats –

Sarah: Hmm?

Amanda: – and – I know. Let me, let me see if I can –

Sarah: Oh my gosh, I just looked it up and it’s gorgeous!

Amanda: Isn’t it beautiful?

Sarah: [Gasps] Yonder: The Cloud Catcher Chronicles. It’s like a, it’s like a bit like, it looks a little bit like Breath of the Wild, but, like –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – amped up.

Amanda: Yes. Let me find it. So it is –

Sarah: Oooh!

Amanda: – very much –

Sarah: It’s only for Switch? No, it’s for the Xbox, Microsoft, and PlayStation.

Amanda: Thank God. Okay, let’s see –

Sarah: I am going to ask for this for my birthday! No, my birthday’s past –

Amanda: She’s like the –

Sarah: – Hanukkah: that’s what I will ask for.

Amanda: [Laughs] She’s like, guys –

Sarah: I’m actually adding it to my gift list.

Amanda: Yes, you should. She’s like, guys, I found your next Stardew Valley. It’s called Yonder. I failed to mention that there are cats that you can collect.

Sarah: Ohhh! Oh, I’m so fucked! I’m not going to make it to Hanukkah now!

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: Oh, shitballs!

Amanda: So, yes. It looks very good, and –

Sarah: Oh my God.

Amanda: – and then Forager is the one I discovered the other day from a Twitch, like, streamer I follow named AustenMarie, and she was like, it’s more of a, a pixel design, like a 2D pixel.

Sarah: Right.

Amanda: But it also has, like, land management and stuff like that, and you look like this little, cute ghost man?

Sarah: Aw!

Amanda: [Laughs] You look like this cute little ghost! But that’s also on my list. And then the third, which makes me so very sad because it’s for Switch only, but –

Sarah: Which is the system you don’t have, right?

Amanda: The only one I do not have!

Sarah: I haven’t seen any Switch emulators either.

Amanda: Well, my boyfriend just got a Switch.

Sarah: So steal it!

Amanda: Sooo, yeah. I, I asked him the other day, I was like, are you going on any trips soon? And he’s like, what do you mean? I was like, you know, just, like, trips where you have to go somewhere and you don’t need your Switch –

Sarah: [Laughs]

Amanda: – ‘cause I’ll, you know, I’ll babysit it for you.

Sarah: Oh, I’ll take good care of it.

Amanda: Happily!

Sarah: Linus and I will look after it. Yeah, absolutely.

Amanda: Happily! I’ll send you little photos of me tucking it in at night or whatever.

Sarah: [Laughs]

Amanda: I’ll get any updates you want!

Sarah: Aww.

Amanda: Because the new Fire Emblem game – and I’ve never played any Fire Emblem games – but it’s part RPG; part, like, strategy, like, tactical stuff, in terms of the bat-, battles.

Sarah: Ellen recommended this exact game!

Amanda: Heck yeah, Ellen!

Sarah: [Gasps] Oh my gosh, it looks so pretty!

Amanda: Doesn’t it?

Sarah: Hmmm!

Amanda: But, and my boyfriend is who sold me on this, ‘cause he was talking about Fire Emblem, and he’s like, yeah, people are saying that it’s like Hogwarts and you can kiss people, and I was like, whaaat?! Excuse me?! [Laughs]

Sarah: Was there, was there just a, a deep message in your soul that said, sold! Mine!?

Amanda: Yes! I was like, kissing at Hogwarts?!

Sarah: Black eagles, golden deer, and blue lions.

Amanda: Yes.

Sarah: Orange stars, blue clovers, and purple horseshoes.

Amanda: [Laughs] Pots of gold and rainbows!

Sarah: Oh my gosh! Did you see the tights on the heroine?

Amanda: Yeah!

Sarah: Ohhh! I’m so – this looks a lot like Hogwarts with anime characters.

Amanda: Yes.

Sarah: Oh shit, my kids are going to be so pissed. Mom, where’s my Switch? I, I don’t know. I, I couldn’t tell you. Mmm.

Amanda: Yeah. So those are the three on my list to buy as, like, a nice little reward for myself, though one needs a Switch, so we’ll see there, but. Yeah, I’ve been really disa- – normally I’m an RPG player –

Sarah: Mm-hmm.

Amanda: – but I’ve been super disappointed at, like, the offerings lately? Like, I’m a, I’m a Dragon Age/Mass Effect, you know, BioWare kind of girl, and –

Sarah: [Laughs]

Amanda: – they haven’t really, like, put anything out that’s in that similar vein recently, and I haven’t found anything similar. Like, Assassin’s Creed Odyssey that we’ve talked about, it was fun, and it was good, but in terms of, like, the relationship branches, they were pretty, like, static and one-note. Like, you don’t cultivate a relationship. You do, like, a quest that leads to, like, a bonus, like, cut scene, and that’s usually it.

Sarah: Right, and the thing about Dragon Age: Inquisition is that when you decide on a relationship, your relationship with that character influences the relationships you have with other characters.

Amanda: Yes.

Sarah: Like, I am in a relationship with Sera the Elf, which I, which is hilarious, because their cut scenes, I am a dwarf and Sera is really, really tall –

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: – and their kissing cut scenes are hilarious because Sera has to, like, bend all the way down! But what’s the one who is the sorceress, Gabrielle? No. The, the black sorceress with that gorgeous white –

Amanda: Oh my God, what – Vivienne!

Sarah: Vivienne! Oh my God. First of all, she is suh-moking hot! She is so unimpressed with my relationship choices. Like, she has nothing to say.

Amanda: I loved just having her in the party for, like, her quippy observations –

Sarah: Oh!

Amanda: – when we’re out and about! [Laughs]

Sarah: Her sarcasm is – yeah.

Amanda: I always make the mistake, ‘cause normally I play casters and, like, magic users.

Sarah: Oh, so you play as a mage or –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – there’s a mage there? Are they mages?

Amanda: I, I think so. But, like, there’s always the one character who does not like magic, and that’s always the character that I want to smooch. So it’s difficult. It is an uphill battle. [Laughs] And it’s like, I refuse to give up my magic, but I will make you love me!

Sarah: [Laughs] That’s says a lot about your reading catnip.

Amanda: [Laughs] It does! So I don’t know, but I’ve been more interested in, like, the casual, like, kind of area management games like Stardew Valley, where you just, like –

Sarah: Chores!

Amanda: Yeah! You harvest your blueberries –

Sarah: Yep!

Amanda: – you chop down some trees.

Sarah: I am in, in the game that I am obsessed with on my phone, I am, I’m in winter, year two, and all I want to do is make artisan crap. Like, I’m not married, but I’m upgrading the house so I can have a cellar so I can start aging my star fruit wine and be like a billionaire. Am I going to be able to complete the community center? Only if I buy the fish, ‘cause I’m not going to catch them, ‘cause I suck at it. Even at that stupid river festival where there’s a hole and the fish are in the hole and you can catch the fish, do I catch any fish? No! Goose egg. No fish.

Amanda: I, I liked fishing when I did it.

Sarah: I know! You were like, I had a notebook, and I had strategy, and I was like, you actually caught things?!

Amanda: Oh yeah.

Sarah: You caught a thing –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – how did you do that?

Amanda: But, like, there’s, oh my God, it’s so nice when you put all the stuff you want to sell in your little bin and then –

Sarah: Ohhh yeah.

Amanda: – the day changes and you just, like –

Sarah: Di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-

Amanda: – see all the money come in [Laughs]

Sarah: -di-di-di-di-di-DING! Oh my God, the first –

Amanda: Like, shit, those were some expensive blueberries!

Sarah: – the, the, the first time I made star fruit wine, I was like, this is my calling.

Amanda: Yep.

Sarah: I will be the Wine Baron of the valley.

Amanda: The Vintner.

Sarah: I’m going to be the Wine Baron and the, and the – I make a lot of mayonnaise – the Mayonnaise Baron.

Amanda: [Laughs] I do like making the mayonnaise too! It’s so weird! But, like, if you, if you just, like, think of it in terms of reality, like, what if I had a box on my porch –

Sarah: Right!

Amanda: – that I put mayonnaise and wine in –

Sarah: Yeah!

Amanda: – and then in the morning it was gone, and in place were, like, money. [Laughs]

Sarah: Sounds great! I love this plan! Let’s, I mean I sometimes feel that way when I go out to the mailbox and there’s a check in there? What, and, you know, my checks would come addressed to the business, right, and half of my neighbors are Mormon, and one of them got one of my checks by mistake, and they’re like, I received a piece of your mail, and I was like, oh! And she said, well, I, I, I recognized that it wasn’t mine. I was like, yeah, by the words on it? And she’s like, yes, so she handed it to me and I went – [gasps] – ooh, it’s a money! I love when the money comes!

Amanda: It’s a money! [Laughs]

Sarah: It’s a money! So now whenever I get a check and Adam gives it to me he’s like, Sarah, you got a money! And I come thundering down the stairs, ooh! Yay, a money!

Amanda: I mean, I love checking the mail every day. That is, I don’t know what about it, but I just love checking the dang mail!

Sarah: Oh, Adam is the same way!

Amanda: Even if I’m not expecting anything!

Sarah: Adam is the same way. He loves to get the mail. Sometimes I leave it in the mailbox just so he can get it on his way home from the train station, ‘cause it gives him so much joy. And when we go away and we have a house-sitter, and we come in and there is this buffet of unopened mail and book mail –

Amanda: Heck yeah!

Sarah: – I have to tell him, you are not allowed to touch it, because the rule for me with the mail is only handle it once. OHIO: Only Handle the mail Once. If I just pick it up and put it in a different place, that is a recipe for disaster. There are too many humans and animals –

Amanda: Fair.

Sarah: – in my house, and that piece of mail will disappear, so Only Handle It Once, which means that when it’s time to go through the mail you will sort, you will recycle, you will shred, and you will put things into places where the next step will happen to whatever needs to happen to that mail. I’m not here to just sort of idly look through it and then come back to it later. So I have to tell him, you may not touch the mail until it is mail processing time, and he’s like, you are, you are just no fun!

Amanda: Let the man have his mail, Sarah!

Sarah: No! Because he makes a mess of it and it stresses me out, ‘cause there’s a, there’s a, there’s a workflow for the mail. The house is my office!

Amanda: [Laughs] Workflow for the mail!

Sarah: There is a workflow for the mail! The house is my office; the mail is part of the business. There is a workflow for the mail.

Amanda: I mean, I could say that I’m surprised, but I am not.

Sarah: But you’re not surprised; don’t be ridiculous!

Amanda: No!

Sarah: I am, I am – okay, my kids are not home yet. They’ll be home a week from today. Camp Grownup has one more week, and I am already getting the metric fuckton of multi-colored pieces of paper in terms of school mail and then email about marching band. This, this is my penance. I hate football; Adam hates parades; our son is joining the marching band; we’re going to go to both of these things alll for the rest of the year. This is clearly our penance for something. So I am getting all the –

Amanda: What did you do, Sarah?

Sarah: I don’t know! It was really bad, though. All I am doing this week is looking ahead like, okay, so band practices are this night, and then this night is usually when they have this lesson, and I’m, like, planning out the workflow for each day and each week in advance, because it gives me so much soothing to be like, here is the schedule of what will happen on those days.

Amanda: Whenever I have kids, I just hope they’re a shut-in. That’s pretty much what – [laughs] –

Sarah: You know, it’s funny!

Amanda: – I want.

Sarah: We were, we were talking about that. We are, Adam and I are very much homebodies; like, we like being home. And our house is set up that there’s lots of places to just hang out. Our kids love being in their rooms. Like, my, my younger son, he has a tent on his bed, and he’ll be like, I need to go in my tent for a while, and I’m like, okay, bye! If you want to bring snacks, just make sure that you don’t spill in there, because that’s how you get ants. And – which is a reference he doesn’t understand; thank God – but –

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: – like, he’ll, he’ll just be like, I, I’ve got to go in my tent. I’m like, okay, bye! And, and my older son goes upstairs, shuts the door. They love being in their rooms, and I’m like, someday you guys are going to have studio apartments, and then you’re going to have one-bedroom apartments or a dorm room, and you are just going to be so happy, because they are, they are like us! They just like being home! They don’t want to go out. There, there’s people out there, and it’s humid.

Amanda: Ugh! It’s gross and I hate it.

Sarah: [Laughs] It is ninety degrees today. I had to already walk the, walk the, the, the canines because if I do it in the middle of the day they just sort of stand on the street like, heh, huh, huh! Ugh!

Amanda: [Laughs] Like, it is too hot for this nonsense.

Sarah: The Lady! I am, I am an inefficient machine at self-cooling. I don’t sweat, I just pant, and this is terrible.

Amanda: Oh, poor old, poor little dogs!

Sarah: Yeah, just like, they’re such poor little babies!

So what is on your list to read next? I was looking at my September list –

Amanda: Oh, right.

Sarah: – and September is going to be a good fucking month.

Amanda: Oh boy. Oh. I haven’t looked at September yet.

Sarah: [Gasps] Shocking!

Amanda: But I will soon.

Sarah: How have you not looked yet? You’re usually, like, obsessively planning your upcoming reading!

Amanda: Well, I don’t do until, like, we have our little check-in where I’m like, these are the books that I will be reviewing –

Sarah: Right.

Amanda: – because a lot of my August books that I’m reading and reviewing for the site are all at the end of this month.

Sarah: There was, there is a lot at the end of August this year, isn’t there?

Amanda: Yes. Yes. So a bulk, of my, like, it’s been like tunnel vision in terms of, okay, what do I have to read? It’s like, all right, I’ve got to read The Blacksmith Queen; I’m reading The Aussie Next Door by Stefanie London, which comes out at the end of the month; and then I’m reading All the Bad Apples, which sounds creepy and cool. That’s also at the end of this month. I finished How to Love a Duke in Ten Days, so I have to, like, write that review. That’s going to be a very long review –

Sarah: Yeah?

Amanda: – and all of the content warning. [Laughs] But in terms of September, the only thing I care about is Gideon the Ninth.

Sarah: [Laughs]

Amanda: That is the only thing I care about.

Sarah: You’ve been talking about this book since BEA, right? When we talked after BEA back in May?

Amanda: Yeah. I have it preordered, because the first printing has black-stained edges?

Sarah: Ohhh – wait, you didn’t get an ARC?

Amanda: No. Oh, I have a digital one.

Sarah: I was going to say!

Amanda: I have a digital one. But yeah –

Sarah: Oh my God, the face you made was hysterical. You’re like, oh –

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: – I have a digital one. I regularly email publicists or request through NetGalley, like, the most, the most grovel-y email messages, especially through NetGalley. Hi, I received a print galley, and I know how costly they are to make and mail, and I’m really grateful that you added me to your list. Thank you so much! Would it be too much trouble to also get a digital ARC? I struggle with text size, and I like to read on my Kindle where I can make the text much larger and read without my glasses. Totally understand if you can’t. Thank you in advance for considering my request. You look great today!

[Laughter]

Sarah: I just, I will grovel for a digital galley. It’s really sad.

Amanda: I, see, my issue with digital galleys is that I am a digital packrat. I –

Sarah: Digital clutter?

Amanda: Yes. With something shows up my Kindle –

Sarah: Yep.

Amanda: – it, it immediately leaves my brain.

Sarah: Oh, the Kindle organization is terrible! You need an –

Amanda: Oh, it’s so bad.

Sarah: You will never guess that I have an external workflow to manage my ARCs!

Amanda: Oh, okay, well, you’re going to have to share that, because I need to know how to get better about this.

Sarah: [Laughs] Okay. So there’s two specific rules: one is that – though I know this makes publishers annoyed sometimes – I try not to read a book too far in advance of release, because if I want to talk about it and I have no one to talk about it with, it makes it really difficult. And I also am so forgetful that if I read it in advance and then immediately write the review, which is the only time I can do it, right after I finished it, and then, you know, the book comes out a month and a half later, I’m like, wait, I wrote that? That was me? Oh! Okay! Really that was me, or – it has my byline. Are you sure you wrote that? Like, my brain is a weird place.

So the first thing I have to do is organize the books by release date, so I have a spreadsheet – I know you’re shocked, very surprised – so it organizes by, by month and then title, author, genre/why are you reading this? No –

Amanda: [Laughs] Why are you –

Sarah: Why did you, why did you put this on your Kindle? Like, what is – like, for example, one of them is science fiction/fantasy about a girl who runs away to a dragon academy. That’s why I’m reading that; like, that’s entirely – that would be Novice Dragoneer by E. E. Knight coming out on November 5th –

Zeb: Bark! Bark!

Sarah: – everyone who just yelled. Even Zeb wants to read that.

Amanda: Zeb’s like, dragons!

Sarah: I do like dragons! Give me those dragons. I’m sleepy.

Zeb: Woof!

Sarah: So I have the what is this and why are you reading it, when does it come out, and then where is it? Is it on my Kindle? Is it, is it only in print? Where did I put the print ARC? So then when it’s time for me to look at my next book, I look at the list, and I don’t look at my Kindle, because I just accept that the Kindle organization structure is a hot fucking mess, and I don’t have the time to move the book into a collection or – if I could just get a web interface that was easy to connect to the Kindle and then just move shit into folders I would do it, but I don’t have that kind of time in my life. And I know you can do it through calibre. I know that there are ways to do this, but this is the way that works for me. I get the ARC, I put it on my Kindle, and then I log it as to when I’m going to read it, and then I just read down that list. And then if something interrupts, like I really wanted to reread His at Night, I just put that on there, but it’s in italics so that I know it’s a reread or something that’s already out.

Amanda: Interesting!

Sarah: Yep!

Amanda: Yeah, I don’t –

Sarah: Basically, Past Sarah has to tell Present Sarah what Future Sarah should be doing, because I don’t remember anything. Like, literally anything at all. Nothing.

Amanda: I don’t know why – so I’ve talked about this before, but on Fridays, post therapy, I will come and assess the books that I have in front of me, so –

Sarah: Oh right, and then you, you, you do the, the sexy pile shuffle.

Amanda: Yeah. Let me see if I can, like, just turn, turn my camera  – oh, cords are falling!

Sarah: Oh, hello, piles! And piles, yeah, nice.

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: Yeah.

Amanda: So, like, each, each section is a different thing. So one is, like, to consider; one is, like, assigned; and then one is, like, I want to read this at some point. Some, some point.

Sarah: So it’s like red, yellow, green.

Amanda: Yeah! Yeah, but I’m excited, the only thing I’m really excited for is –

Together: – Gideon the Ninth.

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: I can tell you what I’m really excited about in September: when I was on vacation in July, I mainlined the Amory Ames series by Ashley Weaver, and it’s, it’s a mystery series set in the ‘30s, I think? And they are wealthy, extremely British, and really good at solving crime, and they’re married, and they have to repair their marriage throughout the, throughout the series, because her husband Milo doesn’t really care what people think and is clearly keeping secrets, which Amory does not know about, but he doesn’t care what people think and belatedly realizes that the, the gossip reports of his behavior have very, very much hurt and, and injured his wife’s feelings and her feelings for him. And –

Amanda: Oh no! He finally realizes it!

Sarah: Yes. Oh, his behavior has a consequence with people who are important to him! And he’s kind of like, there are always moments where Milo is like, no, you’re, you’re very important to me, and I’m like, fucking show it, dickbag!

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: But I love how smart she is and how little she puts up with him. And I, I just, I love the two of them solving crime together; they’re great. So the newest one, A Dangerous Engagement comes out on the third.

And then I have another book by another person named – wait, this can’t be right. I have a book called Love and the Laws of Motion by Amanda Weaver. Is it, are they both Amanda Weaver? That can’t be right. Am I – wait, either there’s two Amanda Weavers or I’m –

Amanda: Ashley. I thought it was Ashley Weaver.

Sarah: Is it Ashley Weaver and I’m bad at things?

Amanda: Hmmm. Yes.

Sarah: Yes, Ashley. So Ashley and Amanda are not the same person. Yes, I –

Amanda: Must be sisters, clearly.

Sarah: Oh my God, I’m so embarrassed. On my spreadsheet it actually says Ashley, and I transposed Amanda.

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: Wow, I’m so talented. So anyway, Amanda Weaver has a book called Love and the Laws of Motion, which is, which is a, I have it listed as science nerd contemporary with hacker hero.

Amanda: Interesting!

Sarah: And then The Nobodies by Liza Palmer comes out on the tenth, and that is contemporary journalism/startup with secret. And Liza Palmer is such a great writer, and she’s very funny, so I’m very excited to read that.

Amanda: I also am looking at my, my Goodreads. There is –

Sarah: That is a way to track your reading. You could create a tag! On-my-kindle!

Amanda: I could create a what?

Sarah: A tag or a shelf on Goodreads and manage your Kindle through Goodreads!

Amanda: Oh, interesting! I never thought of that! Never thought of it!

Sarah: But, like, if you, if you created a shelf on-kindle and, and it could even be like on-kindle-September, on-kindle-October, or if you cross-reference by month it would, you would know what was next, right?

Amanda: Yeah. Look at you, being so smart, Sarah!

Sarah: It’s in the name of the site; it’s mostly aspirational.

[Laughter]

Amanda: But Caitlin Doughty has a new book coming out in September –

Sarah: Get the fuck out! Does she?

Amanda: Will My Cat Eat My Eyeballs? is what it’s called. Big Questions from Tiny Mortals about Death.

Sarah: I am now looking for Wilbur so I can ask him.

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: He is not here right now.

Amanda: So I’m very excited about it. If, I read From Here to Eternity after reading Sarah’s review of From Here to Eternity on the site, and it examines the different, like, cul-, like, death cultures and –

Sarah: Oh, that book is so cool!

Amanda: – funeral rites of different communities around the world. It’s fascinating! But yeah, she has a new book coming out called Will My Cat Eat My Eyeballs?

Sarah: [Gasps] She’s so cool!

Amanda: And, and follow her YouTube channel, people! Ask A Mortician.

Sarah: Oh, it’s so good! It, the thing, okay, so the thing I learned about the mortuary industry in the, in the States is (a) how much of a racket it is, because in my novella I decided to go big and the hero is a mortician, and, and Jew-, Jew-diesh, Jew, Jew-diesh – that’s awesome!

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: I cannot wait to tell Adam that we are Jew-diesh! Judaism does not, most Jewish people do not embalm, as neither do, I believe, Muslims and other faiths, em-, embalming doesn’t happen, and, and funerals have to happen with forty-eight hours, but even then, the industry, the whole mortuary industry is such a hot mess that when you watch her YouTube channel, you learn so much about how much of a choice you have, even when the industry does not allow you to think you have a choice, that you have to do this and you have to do that. She does such good, informative work. I love her YouTube channel. And that book, From Here to Eternity? Oh my gosh!

Amanda: So cool. One, my favorite chapter, I think, was when she was in Japan and kind of Japan-married death with how advanced they are technologically. So, like, the cool technology they have for, for their dead is amazing!

Sarah: Oh yeah, it’s, it –

Amanda: She mentions like one  Buddhist temple where you can, there’s, like, a, a tablet that you input the person’s name, and it’ll, like, light up the, like, section of the – I don’t, wouldn’t, I don’t want to call it, like, mausoleum, but that’s what it, I envisioned it to look like – of where the person’s body is.

Sarah: Mm-hmm.

Amanda: Or you can, like, pick a, a certain day, and it’ll light up all the people who have died on that day. And I just want to go visit it, ‘cause it sounds really interesting.

Sarah: Well, also, the thing that struck me was that they’re running out of places to put people, because they don’t have that much land.

Amanda: Oh yeah.

Sarah: But was the end chapter of that book the green burial one with the park?

Amanda: I don’t –

Sarah: Or was I reading about that somewhere else? No, I think the last chapter in that one was the one with the funeral pyre.

Amanda: No, that was the first one, the first chapter.

Sarah: Was that the first one? So there’s –

Amanda: Yeah, it opens with a funeral pyre in Colorado.

Sarah: Or I think there’s one in Arizona, but you have to be a member of the funeral pyre to use it.

Amanda: The community.

Sarah: Right.

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: There’s, there’s a lot of effort moving towards green burials, where you are not in a coffin. You are just buried in a, in a space in a park, and often it’s private land that’s been made into a private burial area, but you can create a space where the body is buried for whatever you want. Do you want a meditation garden or a bench or just flowers? And you basically walk in a park, and there’s no headstones, and there’s no, like, perfectly mown grass.

Amanda: I love cemeteries.

Sarah: Me too! I learned to drive in one. I think my dad was being morbid, though.

Amanda: [Laughs] Well, any time I go to a new place or, you know, the first time Eric and I went to Austin, I was like, we’ve got to go to the cemetery! And Massachusetts has a wealth of old-ass cemeteries.

Sarah: Oh, just a few!

Amanda: And my favorite thing to do is to go into a cemetery and find the earliest headstone I can find.

Sarah: I do that too! 

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: The cemetery across the street from me, not only is the singer of the classic Christmas song “Dominick the Donkey” buried in that cemetery – it’s Lou Monte – but there was, there were cemetery headstones from the Spanish War: way, way old.

Amanda: When I went to Sweden, I took, like, the – I don’t know their train; I don’t want to call it the T, but, like, I took a train out to this huge, beautiful cemetery, ‘cause I believe that was where Greta Garbo was buried?

Sarah: Oh, cool!

Amanda: ‘Cause she was born in, in Stockholm. So I went and I found her headstone, and I met, like, a cool little cemetery cat –

Sarah: Aw!

Amanda: – but the cemetery was beautiful.

Sarah: Aren’t they gorgeous?

Amanda: There was, like, statues and fountains. It was huge!

Sarah: You should go to Paris just for the catacombs.

Amanda: I should!

Sarah: Just for the catacombs!

Amanda: [Laughs] Well, my brother will be in Europe next year, so.

Sarah: Catacombs!

Amanda: Hey, everyone, it’s Amanda, and I’m popping back in to give you some breaking news! It’s not really breaking news: I just returned from seeing Hobbs & Shaw, and I needed to talk about it, because – [laughs] – this was an amazing cornball of an action movie, and I think everyone should see it. I have a list of, of reasons why. Most of them won’t make sense out of context, but trust me on this one.

So Idris Elba’s in it, and he wears this skintight black suit, and he’s beautiful, even though he’s a bad guy? He also makes a lot of very sexy faces, and I believe there’s two scenes where he does, like, a lip biting thing? Chef’s kiss! Mwah!

Ryan Reynolds is in it, which was weird, and Ryan Reynolds is just doing his smarmy, Ryan Reynolds thing, I guess!

The Rock has a really good sex-positive speech, which I enjoyed a lot.

Of course there’s a lot of, like, male posturing and, you know, Hobbs and Shaw insulting each other for a good hour and a half, but it’s entertaining, I suppose.

You do get to see Jason Statham in a very cute matching pajama set that’s like this blue-gray with white piping, which is very adorable.

But also, Jason Statham never goes sleeveless in this movie. There are several scenes set in Samoa, and he’s wearing a jacket, and it’s like a hundred degrees, something that is pointed out. So I’m wondering if Jason Statham has some insecurities about his arms, because I remember way back when, I read this, I don’t know, profile on Diane Keaton, and she never goes sleeveless, so I’m wondering if it’s, that’s the same thing. Leave me your thoughts and conspiracies below, please.

There’s an amazing gang of women that we meet, and their sole purpose is essentially to fuck up and rob mobsters. That’s it! That’s all they do. And I hope they get their own spin-off movies.

There’s a weird human centipede of trucks scenario where they’re all, like, linked up. It is not possible. A lot of the stuff in this movie is not probable or possible, but just go with it, please, ‘cause you’ll enjoy it.

And Vanessa Kirby, who plays Shaw’s sister – so Jason Statham’s character’s sister – she is an MI6 agent. She’s beautiful. She tries to put the Rock in a sleeper hold, but with her legs. And it’s great. I hope she is part of this series forever.

And I think that’s pretty much it? There’s a, a very bizarre fight in a rainstorm, where the rain just kind of appears out of nowhere; and some beefy, husky, lovely Samoan men; and there is a scene where the Rock is in his Samoan garb, and he’s shirtless, and then all of a sudden he has pants on and we don’t know where the pants come from? But he needs his pants to, I don’t know, do action stuff, so I, that took me out of the movie. That was the only time where I was like, wait, what? Where did those pants come from?

And yeah, I think that’s all I can say. Of course the main message of this movie is the things that you can accomplish through teamwork, like defeating sexy Idris Elba, who is “a black Superman,” which is accurate.

And I did read some reviews of the movie before going, and one reviewer said that the – [laughs] – the biggest improbable thing about the movie is that Vanessa Kirby and Jason Statham play siblings, because there is a good thirty-year – no, sorry, I misspoke – twenty-year age difference between the two of them in real life, so how, how they were actually siblings age-wise is a mystery, especially when their mother is Helen Mirren. Not the, not actual Helen Mirren, but Helen Mirren playing their mother.

So anyway, go see it. It’s just a wild ride. You don’t have to be familiar with any other Fast & the Furious movies. I’ve only seen the first one, and yeah, I’m sure you would understand more if you had seen the previous one, ‘cause Hobbs and Shaw have a previous antagonistic relationship, and I’m just saying this based off of trailers that I’ve seen, but yeah, go see this bonkers movie, please! I enjoyed it, and, you know, the dialogue’s not great, but bear with it, I suppose, for, for Idris Elba, everyone. Do it for Idris Elba, because he’ll be in Cats in December, and I’m very worried about him.

[music]

Sarah: And that brings us to the end of our episode, with a special bonus movie review from Amanda. If you want to find her online, she is @_ImAnAdult on Twitter, and she’s also the mastermind of the Smart Bitches Instagram @SmartBitches, and Rec It Wednesdays are starting up again after Labor Day, so if you want a book recommendation, you know where to go.

This week’s podcast sponsor is the Muffia series, written by Ann Royal Nicholas. If you liked Sex and the City and The Jane Austen Book Club or if you’re a member of a book club yourself, you will love this contemporary women’s fiction series set in Los Angeles. The Muffia, More Muffia, and Muff Stuff are each narrated by a different member of the Muffia Book Club. In each of the stories there’s a light mystery element and a couple of book club meetings where invariably one of the Muffs reveals a calamity that needs everyone’s help. The Muffia is a series about the enduring power of friendship and the love of books, and heads up to podcast listeners! Ann Royal is offering a discount on The Muffia and More Muffia on Amazon from now until September 6, 2019. Go to Amazon; you can pick up either book for one-third the regular price. That’s 99 cents each instead of $2.99! And if you would like to read Muff Stuff, send an email with proof of purchase from Amazon to Bournos Media – B-O-U-R-N-O-S Media at gmail dot com [[email protected]] with either The Muffia or More Muffia, and she’ll send you a PDF or EPUB of Muff Stuff for free during the same time period. And if you’d like to read the books in paperback, head over to Anna’s website, bournos.com/publications. If you order all three books at the same time, instead of $45 plus shipping, she’ll charge you $30 total for shipping in the United States. The first four orders of all three paperbacks will also receive a free Muffia tote bag. Thank you to Ann Royal Nicholas and the Muffia series for sponsoring this month’s episodes.

This episode and its transcript are also brought to you by FabFitFun, a seasonal subscription box that’s customized to your tastes with full-size premium beauty, fitness, fashion, and lifestyle products. As a FabFitFun member, you get over $200 in product for $49.99 per season, and if you use code TRASHYBOOKS you get $10 off your first box at fabfitfun.com. Now they do sell out fast, so if you are even a little bit curious, sign up soon. I received a preview of the Fall 2019 box, and I really enjoyed it. I have unsubscribed from all of my subscription boxes before I moved a few years ago, and I hadn’t re-subscribed to any. I forgot how fun it is to get a box of stuff that’s pretty much i-, you know, ideal for what you like. One of the things that I really like is this little tube – I have it here in my hand, ha-ha – of aromatherapy oil. Now, it’s called Deep Relax, and it actually smells like clean laundry, and I love it, so I am really excited by all the things that are in my, my little preview box. The FabFitFun box makes a wonderful gift for you or for someone you love, and it is a perfect way to treat yourself. The items inside are entirely customizable, and again, if you use code TRASHYBOOKS you get $10 off your first box at fabfitfun.com. That’s $10 off with code TRASHYBOOKS at fabfitfun.com. And if you subscribe, please tell me about how you like your new box. I want to hear what you thought of the things inside.

If you have supported the show with a monthly pledge, thank you. And if you’d like to support the show, have a look at patreon.com/SmartBitches. Monthly pledges start at one dollar, and if the show that we produce each week is meaningful, helpful, fun, or enjoyable, your support would help us keep going and helps us make every episode accessible to everyone, so thank you in advance for your consideration, and thank you, thank you, thank you to our Patreon community for keeping us going each week.

The music you’re listening to is provided by Sassy Outwater. This is Peatbog Faeries. This track is called “The Real North,” and you can find their album Blackhouse and all their other albums at Amazon and iTunes and wherever you buy your funky music. Do you buy your funky music somewhere else? Tell me where that is. I sometimes shop on Google Play Music, but that’s not constant. I’m curious if you have better recommendations.

And now a preview of what is coming up on Smart Bitches, because every anticipated book is releasing this week, I swear. It is a rare thing that I have trouble finding space for new reviews, but we had so many new reviews for new books, this week is packed with awesome and excellent new releases. Plus, Sunday is the first of the month, so we’re going to be talking about all the new books we want to read in Hide Your Wallet. We’ll also have Help a Bitch Out and Books on Sale every day, so I hope you will head over to smartbitchestrashybooks.com and hang out with us.

I will have links to everything we talked about during this episode and all of the books that we mentioned, but of course it’s time to end with a terrible joke, and this is really terrible, so get ready.

Who is bigger? Mr. Bigger or Mr. Bigger’s baby?

It’s like a math question, right? Yeah, well, my kids are going back to school next week finally, so it’s math time! Who is bigger? Mr. Bigger or Mr. Bigger’s baby?

Mr. Bigger’s baby, because he’s a little bigger.

[Laughs] My younger son, who had, of course, had to finish his summer math packet this week was like, ugh, Mom! That joke comes from Cindy, and it is delightful, so thank you, Cindy, and if you want to send me jokes you can do so at [email protected] or Sarah with an H at smartbitchestrashybooks.com [[email protected]]. They all end up in the same place, and I love hearing from you.

But that is all for this week’s episode. On behalf of Amanda and Wilbur, who is snoring, and everyone here, we wish you the very best of reading this weekend. We’ll see you back here next week!

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