Covers Gone Wild! (Non-Snoop Dogg Edition)

Cover Snark: A Whole Host of Textures

Fierce by Hattie Jacks. A headless shirtless man looks like he's made of shiny rubber, but his shoulders are starting to become scaly and giant hawk wings are sprouting from his back,

Welcome back to Cover Snark! Maya: He’s got falcon wings and I think scales? Texturally I do not understand what is happening on his body, but then also apparently not enough because it looks like his waist was also photoshopped Sneezy: Maaaaybe that’s like a cobra hood? Something about how plastic the body looks is giving me weird sensory icks. Amanda: Yeah there is something rubbery happening. Sarah: Feathers, rubber, AND Lycra are a bit … Continue reading Cover Snark: A Whole Host of Textures

Cover Snark: Orc Taylor Lautner

Rescued by Her Monster Mercenaries by Sabrina Silvers. Two monster men! One has a bull's head and is wearing leather straps and a bronze codpiece. He has an axe. The other is a green orc man with long black hair, wearing black leather straps across his chest and a matching black codpiece.

Welcome back to Cover Snark! From MegCat: I didn’t know “Liar, liar, pants on fire” was quite this literal. Sarah: Poor person. EVERYONE can see when an air biscuit hath been floated. Poor Emma, engulfed in fart. Elyse: Okay but where is his head? Sarah: The helmet is cropped in such a way that it looks like he’s wearing a big Daft Punk mask? Amanda: It’s 10 o’ clock. Do you know where your Emmas … Continue reading Cover Snark: Orc Taylor Lautner

Cover Snark: Suspenseful Llamas

The Final Truth by Roxanne Rustand. A very washed out cover. The bottom is a of a white llama in front of a mountain peak. The top half is a blonde woman's face, but she's cut off at the eyes.

Welcome back to Cover Snark! From Sara: WTF llamas?? I couldn’t help but share this cover I stumbled across. I stopped, my jaw dropped with a stuttered “What?!?” All the other covers in this series have a dog on them…and then…Llama!!! And a very serious, lip-pursing llama. Sarah: That llama has STORIES to TELL and TEA to SPILL. Carrie: Please tell me the llama is the narrator. Sarah: If the series is Montana Secrets…how many … Continue reading Cover Snark: Suspenseful Llamas

Cover Snark: Celebrity Lookalikes

Vampires Don't Suck by Juliann Whicker. A Taylor Swift lookalike with a guitar, sleeve tattoo, and Wednesday Addams dress stands in a library next to a man who looks like Edward from Twilight. Green mist swirls around them while a Boxer dog looks at the from the bottom right corner.

Welcome back to Cover Snark! From Linnea: I am sure that no doctor except maybe a male sophomore or junior medical student would be wearing a stethoscope while shirtless. It was bad enough when they wore their little white coats on dates… Sarah: Intern! InterNips! Hang on what’s with his “belt?” Are those laceup pants? Or is he using string as a belt? What is happening there? He looks so bored. How do you wander … Continue reading Cover Snark: Celebrity Lookalikes

Cover Snark: Shifter Daycare

First Comes Love by Elva Birch. The background is a blue and black bathroom tile pattern. A shirtless man is smiling down at the bottom left corner where a polar bear and penguin are enjoying a bath with two little rubber duckies.

Happy Monday, Cover Snarkers! From Melodie: There is just something about his meticulously quilted pecs and the ab window that I find more giggle-worthy than seductive. Sarah: METICULOUSLY QUILTED PECS. I am deceased. I cannot. Omg. Oh, gosh, LKBookLover sent me this cover too. Quilted pecs for all! Amanda: In fairness, drinking whiskey can lead to lots of troubles. (Upon reading the book description, Whiskey is the family surname on which the entire series is … Continue reading Cover Snark: Shifter Daycare

Cover Snark: Pecs on Pecs on Pecs

Promise and Protect by Lori Ryan. A shirtless man from the waist up. He is looking down and his hands disappear toward his pelvis. He appears to be fading away at around the bellybutton area, revealing a landscape behind him of dark clouds and a field.

It’s Cover Snark time and upon reflection, there is clearly a theme. From Pam G: I’m killin’ in the flame, just killin’ in the flame, What a glo-o-o-orious feeling, I’m gassy again My farts are azure, so blue down below My sword isn’t stuck, and I’m ready to glow And can I just mention the inspired fashion statement of attending a paintball tournament in your grandma’s boiled wool jacket and Uncle Willie’s clip-on tie. Must … Continue reading Cover Snark: Pecs on Pecs on Pecs

Cover Snark: Faceless Horrors

Insta Boyfriend by Jen Atkinson. An illustrated cover of a man and woman standing in a clearing in a forest. However, their faces have no features - no eyes, noses, or mouths. There's a shaggy little dog between them, who does have facial features

Welcome back to Cover Snark! From PamG: Soooo creeeepy. Sarah: I very very very dislike the faceless illustrated covers. Gives me the creepys. The DOG has a face, for crying out loud. Elyse: Aside from missing faces, she looks like she’s missing a third of her lower body. Sarah: The angle/proportion is very wrong agreed. Amanda: I’m reminded of the Thumb guys from the Spy Kids movie. Sarah: shudder Sneezy: Nope. Fuck you. Yeet. Shana: … Continue reading Cover Snark: Faceless Horrors

Cover Snark: Unsettling Textures

To Med the Broken Hearted by Jude Knight. A man and woman are embrace in front of a stone castle. The man's eyes are barely open. Meanwhile, the woman has an aggressive stare going.

Welcome back to Cover Snark! From Jazzlet: Him: “urghnnn . . .” Her: “Are you fainting on me? Not AGAIN! Sarah: Is he bored or gassy? Amanda: One vote for gassy! Kiki: You just know she was thinking “have you taken the picture yet? My neck can’t hold this position”. Also a second vote for gassy. He’s trying to fart sooooo quietly. Lara: she is deeply unsure of him Sneezy: My money’s on her punching … Continue reading Cover Snark: Unsettling Textures

Cover Snark: What If a Disco Ball Were a Man?

Alien Protector's Stars by Melissa Emerald. A very orange, shirtless man is covered in sparkles. He also has dark purple wings that are also sparkly. He looks like he's covered in the rainbow prism reflections you get from a disco ball.

Most of today’s covers were found by Sneezy, who certainly plumbed some depths! Sneezy: The dude looks distressingly like he was long hold selected from another picture and slapped on. …and with the general ambiance of the cover, the publisher’s logo looks like a pair of testies. Amanda: I think the author font is the same one Alice Clayton used to use? I feel like he just told that played out “tickets to the gun … Continue reading Cover Snark: What If a Disco Ball Were a Man?

Cover Snark: The Ice Caps are Melting

Bearly Better Yeti by Elva Birch. A shirtless man is running his hand through his hair. The background is a beautiful forest and lake. In the bottom right corner is a small polar bear.

Welcome back to Cover Snark! We’re also a little low in the Snark pantry, so feel free to send covers to consider to me or Sarah. From Pam G: So Dr. Nips is back with a truly hideous shirt which he apparently left on when he got the tattoo. Also, where is his left arm? Sarah: The way the mountain cross fades onto his pec looks contagious. Amanda: The metal has got to be real … Continue reading Cover Snark: The Ice Caps are Melting

Cover Snark: Hot Groot

Zerberu by Athena Storm. A shirtless man in space, but it looks like his skin is made out of deli meat, just a very bright red with lots of texture.

Hey, hello! Welcome back to Cover Snark! From Jfhobbit in the SBTB Patreon Discord: I have a submission to Cover Snark, entirely on the basis of their expressions mid-embrace. He looks confused? She looks like she’s trying to imagine she is anywhere else. Amanda: Definitely a “did I leave the hair straightener on” look. Elyse: Or hearing the cat start to puke Tara: He looks like he doesn’t know where he is and she’s considering … Continue reading Cover Snark: Hot Groot

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