Hey all! It’s time for Cover Snark!
From Melodie: Unfortunately the hero the mountain got was Three Nipple Man.
Sarah: I see so many patterns. What do they MEAN?
Tara: Is this man going to fuck a mountain?
Sneezy: The mountain called. It asked him to please don’t.
Amanda: What a strange personal ad title.
Amanda: There’s a lot going on here and I’m not sure I like any of it. Though I’m not mad at the Oded Fehr from The Mummy vibes I’m getting.
Elyse: Love how his armor covers his nipple, but leaves his entire stomach vulnerable.
Sarah: Savage in the Touch. Chafing in the Armpit.
Shana: Is that a Tribble glued to his chest?
Amanda: He needs some aloe vera and I like how it looks like she’s trying to avoid touching his sunburn too much.
Elyse: Is that Julianne Moore?
Sarah: “Oh honey, just wait until this starts to peel. I better run to CVS before the sunburn itch sets in.”
Sneezy: Maybe he’s trying to cosplay as cha shu.
From Laura G.
Sarah: Not only do I have questions about infant safety when one has scales on their forearms, but I also have some questions about child services, community support, and social care networks in the alien romance world, as it seems like there is a drastic shortage of child care and parental support?
I have a lot of questions.
Claudia: I’m concerned about the baby choking on… whatever it is they are eating. Also, where’s going on with the potential adopter’s neck?
Sarah: That hair is going to get pulled, and pulled hard, too.
Tara: Maybe that’s what happened on the other side of his head…
Sarah: Yeah, that’s why he has Ye Olde Alien Hair Clippe
Tara: It’s nice to see him learn from past experiences.
Sarah: it’s important to adapt as a parent, isn’t it?
Sneezy: Apparently that’s what happened to my mom. I kept yanking on her hair, so she cut it short.
Never mind Arik’s hair- isn’t that his left ear that the baby is using as a teething aid?
Marley Michaels’s Men of Moose Mountain is enough alliteration for me today.
See, I think this baby is going to be joining a larger family—clearly his 7 year old has been combing his hair and putting in cheap extensions.
Also, I feel like Moose Mountain man has remnants of 6? 7? different nipples? “Maybe reposition the pecs, a little to the left? No, maybe up and a shade to the right? No, that’s not it either…We’ll get it eventually!”
The warrior’s purpose seems to be to cosplay flocked wallpaper from a fancy powder room circa 1979.
You know, over the weekend, I saw a scifi cover with a woman that had armor on shoulders and wrists only and was wearing a bra that barely supported her. So I guess it’s nice to see irrelevant useless armor on a guy for once…..
The multi nipple cover looks like when in Word you try to adjust a column or a picture clip and the whole document has a tantrum. But with copied nipples. Unless he caught a rare strain of nipple box. Why does an entire mountain need a hero??
That is not a tribble. I see a puppy face on his chest. He somehow tucked his dog in his breastplate or something. That is an irresponsible pet owner. Should we call ASPCA?
Get that sunburned fool some aloe and milk stat. Or the aloe they have in stores in Europe that are milk based so doubly effective.
Oh Arik….so many questions. What the heck is that baby snacking on? Is that a bird on your shoulder above it’s head? How much gel did you use for the baby mohawk? What is on your arms? I’m not touching the hair.
I think I’m going to have nightmares. lol
“So many nipples, so little time.”
~photo editor probably
Mountain Seeking Hero: . . . and Beard Seeking a Stylist. What is he looking at, just out of camera range? I’m picturing a sporty-looking car pulling up, screeching to a halt, and a petite competent-looking young woman jumps out: Don’t worry, Mountain Guy, I got this.
Oh yes, and we finally get a winner for the Four Fonts Award.
Savage in the Touch: Predictably, I misread it first as In the Rough, and then In the Touch. And, er, Psst! Cover designer! It’s generally considered desirable, when there is visible text, for the said text to be readable, while that red you thought was a good idea is barely even visible. Savage Norse Mates? Savage Horse Mates? Savage Housemates?
:: peering closer and squinting ::
Is it Savage Horde? If so, is this a Here Come the Brides situation where the entire horde is trying to get mated?
Warrior’s Purpose: Clearly I left this too late in the day, or I would not have read it as “Warrior’s Corpse”. Is she trying to fireman’s-carry him to the infirmary, or will she proceed directly to the morgue?
ARIK: Sorry, but I can’t read that as a name. It’s got to be initials, but abbreviations dot com is unable to help. Alien Rescuer-In-Kind? Alien Ravisher Is Kidding? And we’ve met this adoption agency before, haven’t we. If only that belt thingie over his shoulder didn’t look so much like an axe about to descend on the unsuspecting teether.
It may be just me, but Mountain Man’s right moob looks like a pig’s snout. Maybe it goes with the Yorkie peeping out of Savage’s left moob.