Was there a Snark last week? Who knows! Time is a construct!
Tara: I…cannot.
Elyse: Looking at this is like having a fever dream.
Shana No. No. No.
This is bizarre, even by the (low) cover standards of Bella Books.
Amanda: Ghost Ship meets The Shining, right?
Sarah: They can keep their secrets. Thanks.
CarrieS: Why is the bartender wearing a wig cap? Why is everything floating? Is it a ghost bar? Is it a bar in Hell?
Sneezy: Oh god NOOO!!!! THIS WHY WE SHOULDN’T CLONE PEOPLE!!!!!
Susan: I’m not an expert, but surely it would be easier to take the wimple off first
Amanda: The quality looks like early Resident Evil character renders.
Sneezy: I was raised Catholic, and priest/nun garb is just the antithesis of sexy to me.
Although, fun story, my mom went to some church thing/talk with her friend one time, and they were both BEDAZZLED by this GORGEOUS girl… who was wearing this HUGE ASS CROSS. To hear her tell it, the thing was almost as large as her torso. Turns out she was a nun or a nun in training, I forget which. Anyway, she was very vexed at all the, “Stupid boys who don’t know I’m a nun, JUST because I don’t wear all of that!” (All of that being the traditional garb) “So I wear this cross! I wear one this big so they can’t miss it!”
I wish I knew if it worked.
CarrieS: I’m just confused about his fake ear and the fact that he’s wearing hair carved from a block of wood. Seems like a lot of effort.
From Janet: Dear God. He’s breastfeeding.
Claudia: Omg no, lol
Charlotte B: Breastfeeding can be hard, but it looks like he’s got a good latch going!
Amanda: Wow, and I just noticed the woman in the background.
Sneezy: All the text on here looks like a very confused mash of words.
Lara: What does “Brie’s Submission” mean in this context!?
From Gloriamarie: This one has me worried. Is that baby pooping fire?
Sarah: if the poop is purple, it’s probably cause for concern.
Amanda: This is a contender for snark bingo
Bad font
A baby
Animal
Sarah: Poor Photoshop
Amanda: Badly photoshopped tattoo
Lara: If this were a cover snark drinking game, this cover would be DRINK IT ALL UNTIL IT IS GONE!
Amanda: Drink until it makes sense!
Tara: I just full on covered my face with both hands and started laughing.
Sneezy: It looks like the bear is trying to pole dance while the dude is the stage hand upstaging it.
With a baby.
Stripper Bear is flummoxed.
Catherine: Wow…
Charlotte B: Bear is regretting the life choices that brought him to this point.
EllenM: VERY confused by the bear involvement.
Susan: I just noticed the baby bears as well.
CarrieS: Armpits are not sexy. No one wants to have to sniff your armpit, buddy. Not us, not the baby. If you are parenting a new baby by yourself, and you have the time and energy to play with your hair, you’re probably doing it wrong. Self care is important for new parents but no one has the energy to look that vain.
Sneezy: I remain terrified of babies. And Susan, I didn’t see the baby bears until you pointed them out. I hope he’s a fast runner…
Have we had the breast-feeding guy before? I feel as if I’ve seen this cover (in a snarky context) previously. Anyway, there are a ton of books in the BRIE’S SUBMISSION series, all of which involve BDSM and revolve around (iirc) a private club for same. Somehow, bringing a baby into a hardcore-BDSM series feels completely off to me (and if you think nipple clamps hurt, wait until your teething baby decides to bite down while they’re breastfeeding)—although Lexi Blake successfully does it in the Masters & Mercenaries series, but I think she’s the exception that proves the rule.
@DiscoDollyDeb, re BDSM and babies, there is an impregnation BDSM subsubgenre, I understand. Still a poor excuse for using a vanilla cover, giving rise to Unfortunate Implications.
I don’t think it’s just an Australian true crime fan such as I who will start matching this up with recent headlines such as the reproductive coercion used on Hannah Clarke, or even that “grow your own victims” case of parent-led group child sexual victimisation case that the media partially euphemised as ‘swinging’.
Please compartmentalize, graphics department.
I started Brie’s Submission but it was a DNF. Not sure why but I think it was probably because it got to the kink too early. Agree babies and BDSM don’t mix although a few were probably a result of it. Also cover number two made me think of Call the Midwife for some strange reason. Although I think the nuns in that wear too many layers for that sort of thing!
Axel has either the largest hand or the smallest musclebound torso I’ve ever seen. I can maybe go along with a manhand having the breadth of a corseted woman’s waist, but not a male weightlifter’s ribcage.
I thought that the bear was creeping on the guy holding the baby. “Why can’t I find a nice guy like that to take care of me and my babies (see baby bears next to tree/pole)?”
Axel (is Axel dances-with-baby, or is the baby Axel?) also appears to have tiny birbs flying out of his ears. That sort of infection is probably painful and embarrassing, so maybe he’s dancing to distract people from it.
I see the name Brie and all I can ever think of is cheese.
Will look out for Brie’s Submission, and its sister series, The Domination of Camembert.
@Amy! Bahahaha your comment killed me dead
The first one totally gave me “Ghost Ship” vibes, but if the protaganist isn’t a scruffy Karl Urban and instead a weird albino thing that can’t pour drinks properly then I’ll pass.
“Armpits are not sexy.” No, but they might be on brand. As a German speaker, I could never get over the fact that Axel literally means armpit in German! (Although it’s written Achsel, it’s pronounced exactly like Axel). Is this name somehow exotically sexy in English?!?
I am somewhat concerned by the picture of the man boning a bear up on the purple ribbon in Axel’s cover. Does this mean that Axel has been two-timing his SO with a bear? Or is the bear the SO he’s cheating on? Is he one of those guys who has two families in two places, one with the human baby and the other with the bear and her two cubs? That is one shifty shifter.
@Isi: out of curiosity, I did a search for “romance novels with heroes named Axel” and got over 891,000 hits! I realize that those aren’t all individual books, but obviously Axel is a popular name for heroes. I haven’t read this one, but the cover caught my eye:
https://www.amazon.com/Axel-Carolina-Reapers-Novel-Book-ebook/dp/B07VSZXZ5H/ref=mp_s_a_1_7?keywords=samantha+whiskey&qid=1583778492&sprefix=samantha+wh&sr=8-7
That poor baby is twisted awry, and he looks like he’s wearing the same outfit my middle was wearing for a Sears photo in 1999. I think they stole my son’s outfit and photoshopped it onto that baby.
The Bartender’s Secret: We’ve all seen book covers using too many fonts–five, six, eight and counting. I never before realized you can get a font mismatch with only TWO.
Brie’s Submission: Is this one of those Everyone Gets A Medal deals where all contest submissions are guaranteed publication?
Axel: Yay, it’s my favorite Cover Snark theme–but where to begin? I was so distracted by the {bear in the background} and the {baby with bright magenta poop} that I almost didn’t notice the {cityscape tattoo} and the {bear cubs}.
I am worried about Axel’s baby, I’m sure it can’t be comfortable having it’s hips twisted at that angle to the rest of it’s torso.
Ghost bar is creepy, not fun scary creepy, worrying look over your shoulder creepy.
I know why the bartender is so creepy! He’s clearly mixing some knockout juice, he is wearing scrubs so as soon as you pass out he can have you on the table and whip out your organs etc for some illegal organ selling criminal gang.
On the last cover, why does the baby have LEGO legs?
@Empress of Blandings: we so need a cheese-based BDSM series!
Chained to the Cheddar
Bridling the Laughing Cow
Whips and String Cheese
Skewered by the Fondue Fork
The Swiss Holes
Oh, Chuck Tingle, where are you when we need you?
I could only think of Possessed by the Parmesan but sounds more like a cheesy historical romance!
Found out why I stopped reading Brie’s submission by checking the synopsis on kindle, it’s set in an academy (for BDSM) and I can’t stand academy set novels even if kinky shenanigans result. Also hints of a love triangle (ugh!).
Excellent skills, @harthad and @kit
I’ll add Had by the Halloumi
Steaming up the Stilton
Oh, and if there is not a Chuck Tingle book about cheese, there should be.
Pounded by the Petit Pont L’Eveque perhaps.
An impregnation BDSM sub-genre. You’d think I’m old enough to have heard most things now, but apparently not.
I think the image on the ribbon on Axel is a baby bear on an adult bear’s back, but now I can only see it as interspecies shenanigans. So thanks for that.