Happy Monday, everyone! We hope you had a lovely weekend, though with work starting again for the week, some Cover Snark is definitely in order.
Amanda: All right, but I think today’s Cover Snark award goes to…
THEM BACK DIMPLES
RHG: That wins.
Sarah: I think those are back canyons. Possibly also some back arroyo.
CarrieS: What the hell am I looking at???
Sarah: What’s the plot, exactly?
Elyse: Worlds smallest dick in a box?
Sarah: HAHAHA Did he cut a hole in it?
Amanda: I’ve never been engaged before, but something tells me that if you’re making that face during a proposal, you already know what answer to give him.
CarrieS: Agreed.
Amanda: Those wings are the equivalent of a bad lower back tattoo
RHG: Is she trying to smother him with her boobs?
Amanda: I mean, it looks like it’s working.
CarrieS: My god she looks bored.
Amanda: That title font also hurts my eyeballs.
From P.T.
Sarah: Yes. That is definitely dangerous heat. Are firefighters always shirtless under their protective gear? That seems unwise.
Dare I say…dangerous.
RHG: WITH BONUS GHOST DOG
Sarah: And ghost person?
Multiple ghostpeople.
He needs to put his jacket back on.
Amanda: There is definitely a disembodied face and a tiny shadow lady. Are they the same person?!
CarrieS: Don’t remove your protective gear when you are standing in flames. Firefighting rule #1. Also, I just can’t stop thinking about how awful he must smell.
With that in mind, as someone from a state that goes up in flames every year, thank you firefighters. I salute you. Just please, you know…shower, and keep your gear on when you are standing in flames, that’s what it’s FOR.
Until you get close to the Engagement Plot picture, it looks like he’s holding a gun at her breast. Which would be quite a plot.
A smokejumper’s desire burns white hot… sexy
Is that an unattributed praise quote with missing words? Are we supposed to read it with a William Shatner accent? Did “sexy” get tacked on as an afterthought to make it clear his white-hot burning desire isn’t for skin grafts?
The one guy with a good reason to have no body hair (I’ve seen many an eyebrow/hairline go bye-bye with one little poof from a gas grill, so I’m pretty sure that much fire would be a hardcore macho depilatory) is one of the endangered furries in Romancelandia.
ON the other hand, that DANGEROUS HEAT cover sent me straight to Amazon where I discovered that the book is a…paranormal romance, which I absolutely did not get from the cover. Am I missing the clues—or was I just, um, distracted?
I don’t see a ghost dog on the Dangerous Heat cover.
I love bad firefighter romance covers! Flames and bare chests – what could go wrong?
@Cleo: SO TRUE. Bad firefighter romance covers could have their own blog, really. There’s enough of them, and they’re increasingly ridiculous.
I can’t see a ghost dog either. And because of that I keep staring at the cover. I think permanent injury is imminent. WHERE IS THAT DOG?
@Ren Benton — It’s only now that I realize my mind added in an extra word when I read that tagline (A smokejumper’s desire burns white hot… but sexy), no doubt in an attempt to make it sound slightly more sensible in my head, pfft.
Also, while a part of me appreciates the fact that the cover model doesn’t have a completely hairless chest, I suspect those flames are going to singe off what’s there soon enough… (Maybe the shirtless-in-flames stupidity we’re seeing on the cover is actually his grooming regimen? Maybe the dude just cannot handle waxing and prefers to burn the hair off?)
…And I now realize that Ren already mentioned hair-removal-by-fire, oops. (Man, I really need to start making sure I’m fully awake before I internet comment. XP)
My brain explodes when I am reading a book who’s cover features the hairless torso but the heroine is delighted to discover crisp chest hair. So is it a different guy? Has she suffered a horrible bait and switch? Why would she be delighted? Isn’t chest hair the default condition of adult males? And what is the deal of crisp chest hair? Is it desirable? How can the same man have crisp chest hair and surprisingly soft beard hair? Do he need a product for each? I’d be grateful if authors let me imagine my favorite hairscapes and moved on!
Respectfully submitted.
I wish I could unsee them back dimples/canyons. My anatomy training keeps screaming at me, “Wrong!” He needs to spend some serious time with a massage therapist and/or physical therapist to get those muscles back where they should be.
@RHG, so glad I’m not the only one who sees the dog. I thought he was carrying a blanket with apicture of a dog on it at first.
@MirandaB & HeatherT, unfocus your eyes and look at the woman’s face with the shadow figure on top of it just above the g in dangerous.
I think Dimples is the name of the alien that is wearing the human suit on the first cover. The title is his alien coworker trying to tell him that his disguise is not particularly accurate and he should only wear one back at a time. “Them backs is one too many Dimples. Start over. And humans only have one pair of biceps so please stop sticking them in random spots.”
@SB Sarah – OMG YES – they really ARE increasingly ridiculous! Now I don’t even blink at the covers with muscled bare chests under red fireman’s suspenders. And those used to annoy me a lot. As did the ones with inexplicable puppies or kittens. And now, meh – the ones with the flames licking their crotches (heh …..) barely register. They have to have weird ghost faces in the flames or exploding rainbows to make an impact on me.
@MelM: I also think Dimples is an alien, but I think it’s coming out of a human’s back. The Invasion of the BackSnatchers or something.
And praise be to the Wounded Wings cover: The bra’s fit looks real. By which I mean it’s not perfect. The font still hurts my eyes.
I misread that as Dangerous Meat. I’m just going to run with that.
Based on the sharp edges and mysterious light source of the guy proposing, I conclude he’s one of those cardboard cutouts tourists stand next to for photos, and the blonde is dismayed because the friendly stranger who agreed to take her picture ran off with her camera.
Could Mr. Back Dimples be a once super plus-sized guy who whittled himself down to muscle and stretch marks?
The Wounded Wings cover makes me think of Chris Isaak’s “Wicked Games” video from back in the day. Just like the video, he’s much more into her. You are welcome for the earworm.
@LauraL: Nothing at all wrong with a Chris Isaak earworm. Am I the only one who thinks the female model on that cover looks to be about 15 years old?
Them Back Dimples screams for Title Snark. I mean, grammar, people (or is it an inappropriate homage to a spiritual) Plus, what the hell are back dimples and are they a good thing or some dreadful communicable disease. Ick.
I went to Amazon to look at the Dangerous Heat pic much larger since I can’t see the dog either. I was quite surprised to see that I own it (must have been free at some point). Anyway, the only thing I see that might be a dog is actually an outline/shadow of maybe a head and back leg above the “n.” What I see above the woman’s head looks more like a gargoyle to me. Oh, well, it’s amusing at least and the model is totally hot (not actually an intentional pun, but whatever).
HA-HA–that’s the look on my when late husband proposed to me! I tried to change the subject but he PERSISTED. I went to work BUT HE CALLED ME THERE, I so did not want to be married…but he was my boss.
@Soft Fuzzy: Well, dayum. If you’re serious, that story deserves its own book.
Also, I stared and stared at the Dangerous Heat book. I never saw the dog, but started seeing more faces in the flames. That was enough creepystuff for me.
I thought the ghost dog was the patch of flames on the right. Fire dog!
I still cannot see any dog! Help!
@Phyllis L – on the right under the word Sexy is where I am seeing the dog also, but for me it looks more like a wolf.
I’ve always thought of Back Dimples as being the areas right above the butt on the lower back, so I thought it was strange that the M in “Them” actually covers them up. What’s the point?
The Engagement Plot made me think of “Dick in a Box” from SNL. Here’s a link to the video: https://vimeo.com/148932620
Another Kate, for some reason I immediately thought the Back Dimples guy needed a massage as well — and then noticed the author’s name is May Sage, which I read as may-ssage in some horrific rendering of a southern accent (?).
Seeing the ghost dog on the Dangerous Heat cover is the cover snark equivalent of the guy trying to see the sailboat in the movie Mallrats.
If those “dimples” were on a woman’s thighs, everyone would be calling them cellulite and fat-shaming the poor bitch.
@Kathleen
I feel that guy’s pain.
The dog is a lie.
THE DOG IS A LIE!!!!!!!
Isn’t the font of The Engagement Plot the same one that’s used for the TV show The Bachelor? For a minute, I thought it was a promo shot for a new ABC series.
Tangent: There’s finally a release date for Season 3 of the fictional Bachelor-inspired dating show UnREAL!!! Feb 26th. You guys, I cannot wait!! http://ew.com/tv/2017/10/17/unreal-season-3-release-date-trailer/