I was going to ease you guys into this review, but then I remembered that the Bitchery are not an audience that needs to be eased into these sorts of things. So here’s the tl;dr right at the beginning: “My Dad Wrote a Porno” is a podcast where a British man, Jamie, and his friends James and Alice read aloud an erotic novella written by Jamie’s father. It goes about as well as you’d expect.
Written under the penname Rocky Flinstone, Jamie and his friends make their way through all 14 chapters of Belinda Blinked; 1 A modern story of sex, erotica and passion. How the sexiest sales girl in business earns her huge bonus by being the best at removing her high heels. In case the title didn’t give it away, this is not what most people would consider a good book. It’s not what anyone would consider to be a good book; I’m writing this review partly to spare RHG the task of having to read and review it herself. It does, however, make for a truly hysterical podcast, particularly with James and Alice’s hilarious and often utterly confused commentary.
Inspired by “Fifty Colors of Grey” (Rocky’s words, not mine), Belinda Blinked has everything that you would expect in a truly terrible work of erotica. The characters only barely sound human, the plot makes no sense whatsoever, and the sex scenes are not just un-sexy but barely anatomically possible. The main character, Belinda Blumenthal, spends most of her time walking around without her “inner clothing” (again, Rocky’s word choice) and convincing her customers to place large orders for pots and pans by servicing them. The grammar is questionable, the pacing is bizarre, and Rocky’s understanding of female sexuality is more than lacking.
But I’m not here to recommend you read Belinda Blinked. I’m here to convince you that you should not only listen to the podcast, but join me in becoming That Person On Public Transport who is doubled over attempting to hold back her laughter at what she’s listening to. Belinda Blinked is terrible, but “My Dad Wrote a Porno” is truly a gift. How Jamie is even capable of reading his father’s words aloud, let alone recording them and sharing them with the world, is a mystery; we can only be grateful that he is.
So much of the humor comes from James and Alice trying to find any semblance of logic or plot coherence in Rocky’s writing, whether it’s trying to figure out why characters’ names have changed in the middle of a chapter or whether pomegranates hang from trees. Most delightful of all is when the boys ask Alice to comment upon the validity of Rocky’s descriptions of female sexuality and anatomy. The moment in which she explains the actual location of the cervix and why one should not attempt to grab it should be preserved for all eternity.
Despite the fact that the entire show is predicated upon the fact that Belinda Blinked is terribly written and mind-bogglingly bad, it never feels cruel or exploitative. The text is mocked, but it’s clear that James, Alice, and especially Jamie all adore Rocky and his work. Indeed, Rocky has listened to every episode (multiple times) and loves that so many people have been enjoying his writing. Even better, none of their criticisms have anything to do with the fact that it’s a work of erotica; it’s not that the book is about sex, it’s that the sex is illogical, anatomically impossible, and downright hilarious.
The first season of “My Dad Wrote A Porno” is available from whatever podcast service you use (personally, I use the Overcast app) and streaming online. The second season (in which the hosts read Belinda Blinked 2 The continuing story of, dripping sex, passion and big business deals.: Keep following the sexiest sales girl in business as she earns her huge bonus by removing her silk blouse) began July 4th – new episodes appear every Monday, and there are also weekly “footnote” episodes in which the world and fans of Belinda Blinked are discussed. And if you want someone to discuss the book with, please feel free to tweet at me any time – there’s nothing I love more than the reactions of people first discovering Rocky’s words.
My Dad Wrote a Porno can also be found on iTunes!
I just burned through all of S1 last week and I was laughing so hard, I was in tears. Then, I went to the park for a walk and listened … MISTAKE. I could barely keep it together, you guys.
This sounds brilliant. As a long time fan of MST3K (a show where a man and two robots watch and comment on really bad sci-fi B movies), this sounds right up my street.
My husband and I made it through S1 E6 on a road trip. I was in TEARS.
“What a delightful body you have!
…
May I handle it?”
My coworker introduced me to this podcast, he then felt like a horrible human and he stopped listening to it. I however listen on a weekly basis. Yes, Rocky (the host’s dad) has no concept of female anatomy or sexuality. But their oh-so-British mockery of the text makes me laugh every time.
Oh man. I just discovered this 2 days ago and it has made my commute a bajillion times better. I’ve laughed to the point of tears every episode. So so good.
I found out about this last week from Petra Mayer (well, not personally, you know what I mean) on NPR’s Pop Culture Happy Hour. At least I think that’s where I heard it. It. Is. Hilarious.
Over the weekend with several very long drives, we listened to Season One start to finish and I wheeze laughed so hard several times I worried for my husband, who was laughing while also driving the car. I won’t be able to think of Inverness or pomegranates the same way again.
I binge-listened last weekend. My husband demanded to know what I was listening to I was laughing so hard. He’s hooked now, too.
Looks like something Mr. L and I would enjoy. Thanks for the recommendation!
BTW, pomegranates do hang from trees.
I am listening to the first episode and am very nearly crying. This is amazing.
Am I the only one who wants to rip this book violently from the author’s hands and do a much better re-write than this hot mess? Because I can think of 101 ways to write a plot where the sales person has to do anything to close the deal that is far more entertaining than the bog-standard of “she has to fuck them” plot thread. While the podcast is by far the funniest thing about this whole series, I feel that a real opportunity was missed here to make the whole story a comedy. I mean, Belinda could be so much funnier given a proper internal monologue, and also if we could understand her motivation for putting up with all this lunacy.
I just downloaded and listened to the first episode and was laughing like a lunatic on my evening walk. So good.
Just listened to the Series 1 trailer and laughed the whole time. Granted, it was only two minutes, but it’s enough to tell me the rest will epic. Waiting for my fiancé to get home from work; we are so listening to this together.
Listening to this at work, and muffling the laughter.
*Yes, I have headphones.
This sounds hilarious! Alas, I was thwarted by the Podcast app on the iPhone…error was cannot download at this time, NOOOOOO! Maybe I’ll try the Overcast app? Is it free?
@Demi – that error usually means that your phone is trying to download via a wifi signal but the signal isn’t strong enough or is private Always happens to me when I’m in Starbucks and I forget to login into their network, for example. Or! Your phone could be trying via wifi and you’re on 3G, etc.
It is a free podcast!
Thank you for bringing this podcast to my attention it is hilarious. “Is Belinda wet or is the weather wet?”
“Belinda excused herself” … OMG that was priceless. (S1E2) “That’s it, she’s gone, bye.”
I think I will try to work that sentence into the book I’m revising – it was too much.
Thank you so much for pointing this out!
This podcast is the BEST. My partner and I recently moved to Australia and because we don’t have a car, we listen as we walk or take public transportation to get everywhere. So basically we are the crazy, cackling Americans walking the streets of Adelaide with tears in our eyes from how good this podcast is. I would highly recommend listening.
Oh god, this podcast saved me. I started listening the evening after the UK referendum because it seemed like the only thing that would cheer me up and I was on the floor laughing and cringing. Please do listen – yes, trust me, the urge to edit the shit out of this goes away after a while.
There are some great reviews of the actual Belinda Blinked novella in that Amazon link too.
OMG, I’ve been listening to this both on my morning walks through the neighborhood (picture me bent over, breathless with laughter, in the middle of the street) and on the drive to work (trying very hard not to cause an accident on the highway). I finished Belinda Blinked 1, and I’m ready to start the sequel on the way home today. So, so funny! And the urge to edit/rewrite diminishes with time. Or I just became numb, perhaps.
“We have a rogue comma” is perhaps my favorite part of My Dad Wrote a Porno, but I’m only up to episode six.