It’s a Monday and sometimes, Mondays call for Cover Snark!
Amanda: But why is there a box? Did someone really give this dude (with no neck I might add) a baby in a box?
Sarah: He looks very much less than thrilled.
Amanda: I bet you he wanted one of those hoverboards for Christmas. NOT A DAMN BABY.
Sarah: The baby won’t catch fire at inopportune times, though. Not that (a) there are many opportune times for things to catch fire and (b) there is any guarantee that ISN’T Jack-Jack, the baby from The Incredibles.
Elyse: Why is his face glued on? It seriously looks like someone made that cover by clipping random pics out of a magazine and gluing them together
Sarah: And his cranium is badly cut out, too.
Redheadedgirl: I’m more concerned about that arm. I’m not sure what’s happening there.
Sarah: His arm or the baby’s?
RHG: That also doesn’t look like a good sized box for that baby. It’s too long for that box! ALSO I DO NOT SEE ANY AIR HOLES. I have concerns.
Sarah: From the Department of Really Really Subtle.
Elyse: I hope he gets that checked out. Your penis shouldn’t smoke that way. Probably he needs an ointment
Redheadedgirl: Guys, guys, I think the gun is his dick. I think I cracked the code.
Elyse: RHG is ON THE CASE
Redheadedgirl: It’s pretty subtle. You may have missed it.
Sarah: So… it’s symbolism? Or is that a metaphor?
Redheadedgirl: A simile? Idk
Sarah: Maybe that’s onomatopoeia.
Or anaesthesia?
Redheadedgirl: Assonance.
Sarah: Y’all.
Redheadedgirl: Legit just laughed out loud in the lobby.
Elyse: She totally just farted. It was glorious. She’d been having gas pains all day. And now Seth MacFarlane is horrified
Redheadedgirl: Just….no.
Sarah: I don’t think those two were in the same studio when that photo was taken.
Amanda: Definitely Seth MacFarlane and Christina Hendricks. Also, remember that time Emilia Clarke dated MacFarlane? That was a weird time.
From Reader Robin L: Just… do me a favour and tell me I’m not crazy – is this a very young feathery haired Clooney?
Sarah: I think she might be right.
Elyse: Oh. My. God. She’s right!
Amanda: Without a doubt.
Redheadedgirl: …it sure looks like a very young feathery haired Cloon.
Elyse: CLOONEY HAS A SON
Redheadedgirl: Or someone broke into his Lake Como villa and liberated his early headshots.
Sarah: Soap opera era Clooney, complete with Vaseline-camera lens
Amanda: LADIES
Redheadedgirl: WHOA
HELLO CLOON
Sarah: It’s the trench coat that makes that picture.
No, dude. You can’t breastfeed the baby. And the baby seems to have realized that.
And the guy on the cover of Sweet Savage Love… his forearm is displaced. It doesn’t align with his upper arm.
I thought the farter was Marg Helgenberger. I guess now we’ll never know who dealt it.
Aw, man. If only that book had a gambling-related title.
*reading commentary on Laid cover and eating spag bol* *giggle giggle* *choke* *cough cough splutter*
Or, Why I Should Not Eat While Reading SBTB.
Is it just me or on the “Laid” cover is the second guy’s eyes screaming “GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE”?
TANGENT: Weird. The “cop” on the cover of Laid looks almost exactly like the cop-themed stripper that came to my friend’s bachelorette party, down to the bored expression. I remember being disappointed by how crappy he was… he came in as I was leaving (he was like two hours late, too!), rolled his eyes a few times at the crowd of tipsy cheering women, and his “partner” (who I assume was legitimately there for security reasons) kept smirking and snorting at everything, shaking his head. I was the only who noticed (I wasn’t crashing in the hotel room, so I had to be sober to drive home), and I remember thinking, dude, this is your JOB. YOU took this job. You’re surrounded by a bunch of hot, glittery, scantily clad, cheerful women who want to give you money, because you took this JOB. Why are you acting like you’re above it all?
Admittedly, I think he might have been a bit butthurt. My friend is actually a fitness trainer, and is very much the tiny, bubbly, blonde southern belle stereotype. She does NOT look like she does kickboxing and bootcamp and more, especially not in the little silver dress and spiked heels she was wearing. When dude pulled off his shirt and made a show of flexing, I jokingly suggested she should challenge him to a pushup contest, which he went along with. He looked VERY annoyed and put out that this tiny, drunk-off-her-ass woman in high heels was beating his ass doing pushups with one arm and one leg off the ground, giggling the entire time. Don’t judge by appearances, friends.
You can’t exchange them, but you can most definitely return mystery babies left on your doorstep. Just call the cops and don’t forget to tell them about the no air hole box, you might not be the only one who received one.
The more I think about it, the more this sounds like the signature of a serial killer from a TV show. Kills the parents and leaves the baby in a wrapped box on some stranger’s doorstep.
I saw no holes on that baby box. How did it breathe?
Did anybody notice the extra hand on Sweet Savage Love?
Okay it looks to me like the dude on No Exchanges No Returns has something going on with his wrist. Is it broke? If it is broke he shouldn’t be holding the baby with that arm.
Marian @ #1: I definitely have concerns about that guy on the Sweet Savage Love cover. Elbows DO NOT WORK LIKE THAT.
That pasted-on-head in the first cover looks a lot like Vladimir Putin to me.
I feel pretty dumb, but are those legit covers? They are just awful. These are for digital books, right? Because those wouldn’t actually end up in print, on a book and on a display shelf in a store, right? I’m just gobsmacked. They are just… no.
I have been re-watching “Murder, She Wrote” thanks to Netflix, and I got to see a young George Clooney. Even the 80’s couldn’t make him look funny. I really enjoyed another episode where the mystery was solved using a floppy disk (5 1/4″) and a report sent using “the modem over the phone line. It only took five minutes to send it.” 🙂
No Exchanges, No Returns: I am staggered beyond belief that the SB did not notice he is breastfeeding that baby.
Laid: I have to admit my first impression was that smoke was a ghost coz I kinda think I see a face in it.
Sweet Savage Love: She sure looks happier to be there than he does to have her there.
Rocky: I beg to differ. It is the gorgeous long hair that makes the picture, not the treanchcoat. Long hair on a man <<<<>>>>
I was actually a bit shocked by Sweet Savage Love. I don’t care for the book, but it is something of classic and, for readers my age, was one of the first romances we ever read. They could have put a bit more effort into that cover.
The woman on Sweet Savage Love is dead, right? Maybe that’s why he doesn’t look happy. He finally found a woman who liked his savage loving, but then she died.
@Francesca: I agree with you. Nothing about that covers conveys the epic WTFery that is “Sweet savage love.”
I beg any author on here to please put Dora’a bachelorette story into their next book. Or Dora, you write the book yourself. Seriously, that story needs to be immortalized.
Is that baby blanket, ectoplasm, or acid leaking through Frankendaddy’s left arm. Also. . . WHERE IS THE REST OF THAT BABY? Is Frankendaddy a disguised alien life form that ABSORBS INFANTS?
I gotta say that, while I appreciate the opportunity to point and laugh, I find it amazing that stuff like the mishmash of body parts on the cover on No Exchanges, No Returns ever makes it into publication. Maybe the cover designer bought the wrong sized head or baby and had to trim it to fit.
LOL that last one looks like a photoblend of George Clooney and Mark Harmon. A pretty competent one, too. If it is actually a stolen photo of the George, I do hope somebody sends it to him and he says something about it. I have a feeling what he would say would be funny.
I realize it’s a minor issue compared to the rest of the problems with No Exchanges, No Returns… but does anyone besides teen-aged girls dot their i’s with hearts? Do teen-aged girls even do it anymore?
I think he was actually expecting a dick in that box.
Baby Box. It’s totally a thing. http://www.babyboxco.com
Shades of BF Skinner!
Is there somewhere to send in suggestions for Cover snark? I just rediscovered a book I came across a whiles back, “knight of a trillion stars” by Dara Joy and it was… it was something.
The poorly shopped no-neck head,
The misshapen, nipple-less torso which more resembled a blowup-doll/balloon animal than a real life human person,
The randomly placed sceptor and/or Crystal dildo?
But what really made me giggle uncontrollably for an undignified length of time was Fabio’s lovingly photoshopped lavender eyes,
which made him look like he’d been hitting the devil’s lettuce and was stoned out of his ever-living mind.
@Alaina: You can definitely submit Cover Snark suggestions through our Contact Form!