Cover Snark is here! This is where we dissect covers where things just seem a little…off. Enjoy!
From Carole: “Can’t believe I now have a file on my desktop to set aside potential cover snark material…”
Sarah: Well, of course he’s impossible, if he won’t put his shirt on and get out of bed already.
Redheadedgirl: I think I could resist that.
Sarah: He looks pretty pleased all by himself.
Redheadedgirl: Also something is weird with his shoulder proportions.
But! He also appears to be giving himself a breast exam, which is a good PSA. Dudes get breast cancer, too!
Sarah: Yes, and you do need to check the space between your breast/pectoral and armpit, too. So he is doing a noble service.
Amanda: I’m reminded of the Axe Body Spray commercial where the overhead announcer tells the dude to stop touching his armpit.
CarrieS: He looks too young to be a boss. Maybe that’s the impossible part.
Elyse: She’s gonna want to get some Mucinex.
Sarah: I JUST HAD that cold. It is a trial, indeed.
Amanda: Maybe that dagger doubles as a neti pot.
CarrieS: I don’t understand anything about this cover. Anything.
From this tweet by Meljean Brook.
Amanda: I’m very curious about the tone of that “wow”
Redheadedgirl: Right? I have many questions.
Elyse: WTF are they lying on? Is it a field of flowers or terrible carpet?
Sarah: I think we’ve snarked this before, and every time, it is a joyful occasion. Do you think that carpet is available now?
CarrieS: She seems very twisty. I await the sequel: “I Married the Queen of Satan!”
From Sharon: “Because the title of this book should clearly be “Darling, What’s That On Your Neck?”
Redheadedgirl: That where the unicorn is I guess.
Sarah: “Who did that unicorn tattoo? Maybe they shouldn’t do tattoos anymore.”
CarrieS: Oh sweetie. He’s just not that into you.
Amanda: Okay, but feast your eyes on the original cover!
Amanda: Have your eyes feasted yet?!
Elyse: Holy shit. Also are those two turtle doves? Could we fit the entire twelve days of Christmas into an Old Skool cover?
Sarah: The unicorn. His horn. The turtle doves. Her hair. His mullet. Their facial expressions. My eyes may feast until the end of time.
Seriously if you find me staring off into the middle distance, it’s because of this cover setting off a kaleidoscope in my mind.
CarrieS: Well THAT escalated quickly. The birds are all, WTF is this shit?
OMG, I read Summer of the Unicorn back in the day. I’d forgotten the title. Wish I knew where my copy got off to! *adds Kindle version to wish list, bad cover and all*
I *had* the original covered Summer of the Unicorn! Wow that brings back memories.
The Virgin Bride: My physiotherapist taught me a similar move. Great for stretching out the mid- back. She didn’t say anything about the cowboy, though.
Summer of the Unicorn: Unicorn Edition suggests a completely different story than Summer of the Unicorn: Gatsby Edition.
I’d grab the Unicorn Edition and never look twice at that generic replacement.
Re: Temptation Trials, I like how the tip of the dagger is glistening and seems to be excreting a pale, magical substance. Subtle, no?
That is some late-1970s/early-1980s makeup on the TEMPTATION TRIALS cover. Back in the day, the impossible-to-resist temptation was to always add just a little bit more blue eye gloss.
And the virgin bride will remain a virgin if that’s the position she and her man like best.
The floating dagger on Temptation Trials makes me think it’s a fantasy book. The lip color and the shiny eyeshadow make me think it’s one I’m better off avoiding.
I think the new cover for Summer of the Unicorn was a reject from a vampire novel.
#1, the most resistible part is the ‘distressed’ emBOSSed font. Looks like a men’s workwear clothing label.
#2, “everywhere you go, you always take the weather with you”…in your sword-shaped magic lamp?
And now I totally want a blue sword+sheath perfume bottle.
#1 – The guy seems more in need of nourishing food than romance. Is that his collar bone showing? And why is his upper arm so thin? Poor boss.
#3: thanks to the field of poppies scene in Wizard of Oz, I think ‘bed of flowers = death trap’. Not sexy.
The Virgin Bride said, “Wow, there’s only one bluebonnet in this field/carpet that appears to be 3D!” (Right by the bottom edge of her hair.)
Looks like the cowboy and cowgirl are making out in a field of dwarf Texas bluebonnets. They are much taller in real life.
Maybe the “impossible to resist” boss is a woman! Cover boy is the new guy on the team who is trying to get the attention of his very smart and pretty manager. She tells him to grow up, be professional, and get his damn sleeping bag out of her office.
I, too, purchased the original unicorn book. And , while I was inhaling romances like movie popcorn back then. I totally bought it for the unicorn. Since I almost never get rid of unicorn stuff there’s a very real possibility that book is in the under the bed archive.
My first thought when I saw the Impossible to Resist Boss cover was “Is…is that the Outsider?” He looks *just like* the character from Dishonored.
Summer of the Unicorn has the best cover I’ve ever seen. That is pure genius.
Did anyone else think ‘syringe when they first saw that “sword”? Maybe it’s the meds to cure her Mumm-ra mouth.
Mr Impossible Boss is impossibly thin. He has clearly worked himself into exhaustion and malnutrition. Somebody feed that poor baby before he croaks.
WHAT is that woman sniffing?
The virgin bride said “Wow does my back hurt!”
Mr Revised Unicorn has an epic eyeroll. “Do we HAVE to do this again?” “Sorry honey, I don’t like it any more than you do.”
Meanwhile the Original Unicorn is clearly about to stab SOMEBODY, but it doesn’t look like he’s about to run down our H/h. However if hes trying to bone her from behind he is WAY off target. No wonder those birds look confused. They can’t figure out WTF is going on any more than we can.
I HAD THE UNICORN BOOK TOO! Unfortunately I don’t think it got hauled around through four states and twenty-five years … but I remember that cover. Nothing about the story, but yes, the cover.
I can’t get past the feeling the Impossible Boss took this shot as a selfie. And it’s impossible for me to get excited about that.
In the original unicorn cover she seems to have the unicorn appearing from her head and her hair is the same colour so….is she the unicorn? Can anybody who read this tell me??
A friend of mine back in the 70s told me she had a fantasy about making love in a meadow and she thought my concerns about chiggers was not very romantic. Sometime later she told me I was right. There is no biting insect that can resist my charms. Plus in Texas there are cactus in the grass.
Yes, Susan Neace. While there are many plowed and cultivated fields of bluebonnets these days planted just to provide great tourism and photographs, and plopping your kids down in the middle of bluebonnets for pictures is a classic photo op, you do have to be careful and look where you step and sit. Cacti share the same natural habitat as bluebonnets, and you’d be wise to also scan for rattlesnakes. It’s their habitat, too.
Melanie, no, she’s the keeper/guardian of the unicorns. And she has to stay a virgin to be keeper.
Also, I ordered a copy of the original paperback as a result of this post, and then, randomly, just now Kay Hooper replied to my comment on another author’s Facebook page. I might have fangirled a bit!
I saw the bluebonnets and immediately thought, “I hope they have antivenom with them.”
And the boss cover? Srsly? I would be able to resist that boss for pretty much ever.
I need to buy Summer of the Unicorn for, um, research reasons.
Summer of the Unicorn’s cover is amazing. And try saying ‘In the mists of myth’ ten times fast. Repeat after a glass of wine. Endless fun!
Feasting my eyes on the Summer of the Unicorn makes me correctly identify the birds as Blue Jays (Eastern); (not very well drawn).
Also the Unicorn’s Uni is just way too low on his noble horsey brow. That’s the kind of thing that hangs over your peripheral vision and is just annoying. Maybe not to the horse, because he’s busy charging and everything. Although it looks like his forelegs are crossed and he’s about to take a tumble.
Much like the cover humans.
Impossible to Resist the Boss: “He looks too young to be a boss. Maybe that’s the impossible part.” Of course, he’s too young to be the boss. According to available evidence, he is prepubescent as the lack of armpit hair tells us.
For the record, when the boss comes onto an employee that is sexual harassment and I wish in 2017 we would stop having sexual harassment as a trope for romance novels.
The Temptation Trials: what with all that smoke, I thought the title read “The Temptation Trails” at first.
“The Virgin Said “Wow!” is a really terrible title. If that’s a field of flowers, all I can think of are the bee stings.
Summer of the Unicorn: First cover: he really wants her to just go away and leave him alone. Second cover: gives me some hope that someone is a unicorn-shifter in this story.
Did you notice that on the Virgin Bride cover they are both twisted away from each other? I don’t think they even like each other much.
Someone must have been a big fan of Ridley Scott’s Legend.
I thought the Virgin Bride background was one of those ugly satin-y bedspreads they used to have at Motel 6’s back in the day. Wow.
Virgin Bride Said Wow – what they’re laying on is the Photoshop stamp tool.
Maybe I’m still high on cold leftover Indian food, but this was one of the best Cover Snarks ever.
Why is it that in “Summer if the Unicorn” she looks like a hungry vampire and he looks constipated?