The Secret Loves of Geek Girls is an anthology that combines prose writing, illustrations, and short comics by many different authors. All of the entries explore the ways in which women who identify as geeks experience romance. There are countless variations on this theme – some people write about their first crush, some about a divorce, some about how fan fiction shaped the way they talk about sexuality. The general theme is romance but the variations are numerous. Contributors include Margaret Atwood, Marguerite Bennett, J.M. Frey, Adrienne Kress, Sanya Anwar, Annie Mok, and many, many others.

I absolutely adored this anthology. I loved the variety of stories and viewpoints in the book. Some stories were sad, some funny, and many were both. Some authors wrote about being horribly socially awkward, but other authors weren’t unusually awkward at all. It’s not a litany of “I was a geek so everyone in high school picked on me and now I don’t know how to date” stories. And when a story is told along those lines, it’s told with warmth and humanity that lifts it beyond stereotype. There are plenty of happy endings among the tales of awkward dates and messy breakups.

Another thing I loved about this anthology is that it’s one of the first I’ve seen in which women describe having other geek women friends. I recently read a slightly older (2006) anthology, She’s Such a Geek, about women gamers and women in STEM. It’s a good anthology, but almost all of the women talked about being “the only woman in the room.” That’s a valid experience, especially in STEM fields, and it’s a perspective that I think needs to be shared.

However, that’s never been my experience, possibly because my interest in Geekdom involves fiction more than STEM. Other women introduced me to most of the science fiction I love today. Our gaming groups in high school and college were usually around 50% female or more. We went to fan clubs together and conventions together and edited each other’s fan fiction. So I very much enjoyed hearing about women who identified as geeks who had the experience of associating with other women geeks.

Here are a few entries that stuck in my head:

“Minas Tirith” by Marguerite Bennett: This prose essay about a deep love between two women that ends because of the author’s commitment to career made me cry but it was a bittersweet good cry. Bennett uses The Lord of the Rings ( A | BN | K | G | AB ) as metaphor in a creative, sexy, sweet, and heartbreaking way. It opens with a scene in which the narrator makes love to her girlfriend using place names from The Lord of the Rings and it’s one of the most erotic things I’ve ever read:

I run my hand down the plain between her breasts. My clicking nails become swift horses, drumming over the heat of her skin, and I murmur in her ear.

Here, I say, kissing her left breast, Here is Minas Tirith, and the throne of the realms of men.

“They Bury You in White” by Laura Neubert: I have spent year, YEARS, trying to articulate why I love the way Jane Eyre ( A | BN | K | G | AB | Au | Scribd ) tackles the subject of marriage, and now Neubert went and did it in a few beautifully written and illustrated pages, so I guess I’ll have to print them out and carry them in my purse. Whenever Jane Eyre comes up, which is surprisingly often, I’ll just wave them at people. I’m almost annoyed at how good this short comic is. It’s concise, it’s personal, it’s heartfelt, and I heart it with my deepest soul. Thank goodness this comic only addresses one aspect of Jane Eyre (how the book handles marriage) or I’d have nothing else to talk about for the rest of my life.

“A Divorcee’s Guide to the Apocalypse” by Katie West, illustrated by Kristen Gudsnuk: I’m grateful to the author of this moving, and ultimately optimistic, memoir of divorce because it helps me understand the divorces of some of my friends. In this essay, West explains how thinking about what you would need to survive in an apocalypse translates to figuring out how to survive a real-life apocalypse, in this case, the end of a marriage. She and her husband are able to move through the process with grace and mutual affection. This first phase, she says, concerns the basics of survival – how will you both survive economically, what are your emotional resources, where will you live. In the second phase you realize that, in the words of Captain Janeway from Star Trek: Voyager, “Survival is insufficient.”

As West elaborates:

Survive and you’re Max instead of Furiosa; survive and you’re Katniss instead of Peeta; survive and you’re Sergeant Ed Parks instead of Melanie. You might think you’re fine, and people may even see you as the hero of the story because you survived; you survived the end of love and what could be more difficult than that?

What’s more difficult is what comes after. When it’s done, when the smoke clears and you ask yourself now who are you – what are you…now you must create new habits and ways of being, ones that push you forward towards a life that is scary and fills you with anxiety and is most definitely the best life you’ve ever had.

“I’m Your Biggest Fan” by Adrienne Kress: This essay is a funny and insightful look into what happens when we apply our tendency to be fans to romance. Kress has a breakthrough when she realizes that she responds to real-life crushes as a fan, the same way she’s a fan of fictional crushes. Of course, in real life no one can live up to the unique brand of worship that fans bring to their object of affection. Real love, she says, isn’t about perfection. It’s about:

…two imperfect people coming together and going, ‘Hey, you’re cool, I like spending time with you. Let’s spend more time together.’

And then maybe turning on Lord of the Rings and fan-ing out together.

There are entries about fan fiction and how fan fiction shapes women’s ideas about romance and sexuality. There are entries by women who are lesbian, bisexual, transgender, and heterosexual, of different ethnicities and cultural backgrounds. There are stories about people in poly relationships and an essay by a woman who is a virgin at the age of 24. There’s an essay about why we love Jareth from Labyrinth so much (we know that love very well, yes, we do), and an instructional essay on how to create a good online dating profile, plus some words of warning about dating within your gaming group.

This anthology made me laugh, sniffle, and think. Above all, it portrays geeky woman as people, people who have a myriad of responses to romance and sexuality, all of which are affirmed. There are enough happy stories to gladden the hearts of romance fans, and the sad stories are, alas, ones most of us can relate to on at least some level. My only wish was for some stories by older women – with the exception of a very short comic by Margot Atwood, the women all seem to be fairly young (thirties or younger)? I’m speculating about their approximate ages based on the art, the experiences they describe, and the lack of essays that deal with how raising children, helping older parents and friends, or being an empty-nester in a geek family affects one’s romantic life.

You don’t have to be interested in comics to enjoy this anthology, particularly sense many of the works included aren’t comics. Anyone with an interest in how women experience sex and love, and how our passions for art affect and are affected by our other passions, will find plenty to enjoy. It’s hands-down the best anthology, fiction or non-fiction, that I’ve read in a very long time. It made me want to kiss my husband, call my friends, and read more by all these authors. Mission accomplished.