400. A Four Podcast Crossover with Mayhem and Jokes

[music]

Sarah Wendell: Hello, and welcome to episode number 400 of Smart Podcast, Trashy Books. I’m Sarah Wendell. I’m really excited that it’s episode 400, and in this week’s episode we have a four-podcast crossover with a lot of mayhem and jokes.

Several members of the Frolic Podcast Network gathered last weekend for group mayhem and silliness, mostly for your collective amusement. Laura von Holt from The Mermaid Podcast had the idea to do a group episode, and so in this one we have me, Laura, Kelly from Boobies & Noobies, and Kelsey and Zoe from Tea & Strumpets. We get very silly, and we invite you to join us. We talk about a whole bunch of things; we tell jokes; we learn – well, I learn – about ranch dressing and pizza is apparently a thing. I had no idea. We also talk about what we’re doing to keep our happiness levels up, whether it’s books or dancing or studying botany; you know, as you do.

So I’m curious about you. What are you doing to keep your spirits up? What is making you happy, making you laugh? What joke would you like to share, ‘cause you know I love them? You can email me at sbjpodcast@gmail.com, or you can call and leave me a message at 1-201-371-3272. I love hearing from you, and I hope you like this giant mayhem group episode as much as we had fun putting it together.

I will have links to where you can find the other podcasts, of course, in the show notes, and I will have links to all of the books and funny things and Instagram accounts that we talk about; there’s a lot. All of it will be in the show notes; never worry: smartbitchestrashybooks.com/podcast!

I have compliments in this episode, which is so fun!

To Colleen M.: When your friends need inspiration to be brave, they think of you first. And also when they need to laugh themselves silly they think of you, because you are hilarious.

And to Sarah Anne: The steps that you’ve taken around your home and neighborhood spell out words that describe you perfectly, such as “superb” and “utterly fabulous.”

If you would like a compliment of your very own, have a look at patreon.com/SmartBitches. Monthly pledges start at a dollar. Every pledge is deeply appreciated, and a special hello and thank-you to the Patreon community, who, obviously I would not have made four thou- – four thousand? Oh my God, that’s so funny! Four hundred. [Clears throat] Four hundred – I would not have made it to four hundred episodes without you. Thank you.

This week’s episode is brought to you by Lola. Lola is a female-founded company offering a line of organic cotton tampons, pads, liners, and cleansing wipes. They offer complete transparency about the ingredients found in their items, and they are a hundred percent organic cotton with no added chemicals, fragrances, synthetics, or dyes. Here is how Lola works: their goal is to make your month a little easier. The subscription is a fully customizable box where you can choose the mix of products, the mix of absorbency, the number of boxes, and the frequency of delivery. I was very impressed with the quality of the box that I received, and if you would like to give it a try, for thirty percent off your first month’s subscription, visit mylola.com and enter SMARTPOD when you subscribe!

There are a lot of jokes in this episode, and of course I will end with yet another one at the end in the outro – which, as you know, is totally a word – and of course I will have links to everything we talk about, and there are a lot of things to enjoy in this episode.

So on with our four hundredth episode, a massive Frolic Podcast Network crossover with me, The Mermaid Podcast, Boobies & Noobies, and Tea & Strumpets. On with all of the Guests!

[music]

Sarah: We are now recording. Yaaay! It’s time for mayhem!

Guest: Woohoo!

Sarah: So welcome to the entirely weird and mayhem group podcast. We have many Guests here, and we’re all a little loopy because we’ve all been in the house a lot with, possibly with just a dog or many other humans?

[Laughter]

Sarah: I am Sarah Wendell; I run Smart Podcast, Trashy Books and Smart Bitches, Trashy Books, and this whole thing was the idea of Laura, who is that way. What –

Laura von Holt: Hello!

Kelly: She’s that way from me!

[Laughter]

Sarah: I’m there!

Laura: I’m, in, in my screen, I’m on top. [Laughs]

Zoe: So that’s funny.

Laura: Yeah!

Sarah: That’s fine.

[Laughter]

Sarah: So this whole idea, this whole thing was the idea of Laura. So we are going to show up and try to make each other laugh –

Laura: Yes.

Sarah: – and hopefully make our people who will be listening laugh too, right?

Laura: Yes, yes. So I take –

Sarah: All right, Laura –

Laura: So I take –

Sarah: – take it away!

Laura: Thank you. I take full responsibility for anything that’s about to happen.

[Laughter]

Laura: So it’s my fault. So I thought, since we are the Frolic Podcast Network, which I’m excited to be a part of, and we have all of these cool, funny podcasts full of people who like books and romance and pop culture and gossip, that it would be – so here we are in these weird quarantine times, right? And, and I, I read a lot, like, historical romance, but also historical fiction, and whenever it’s World War II I’m, like, stressing, ‘cause I’m like, I don’t know what my role would be. I –

[Laughter]

Laura: – I’m not good at austerity, and – [laughs] – I’m, like, not good at secrets and, like, so I don’t know. But then there –

Sarah: I just finished a book where there was a cholera outbreak? A cholera epidemic was happening in the book –

Guest: Yeah.

Sarah: – and there were so many little things in the book where I was like, well, that’s also happening now; that’s –

Guest: Yes!

Sarah: – not really very reassuring.

Kelsey: And Sarah and I just read a book where the main character pretends to have consumption for –

Sarah: Yes!

Kelsey: – novel! [Laughs]

Sarah: Yes. Not the most – how do you want to say? – sympathetic thing I’ve ever seen a heroine do, but not her fault?

[Laughter]

Sarah: In our current setting, right? [Laughs]

Kelsey: Yeah!

Guest: Like –

Laura: And you know, this happens, guys. Like, you know, pestilence is, like, a human thing, okay? So – [laughs] – but then, so then when all of this started to go down and I was home and I was like, oh, wait, I have a podcast, I was like, okay! No, I know my role now in the wartime. It is part of a covert wartime radio show.

Sarah: Awesome!

Kelly: Yes!

Laura: [Laughs] Yes!

Kelly: Yes!

Laura: So that’s when I was, that’s when I messaged Sarah and was like, let’s do a big Frolic episode where we’re all together for the network and the resistance or something, which is just like – the resistance in this case is just, like, your own viral resistance and your own immunity system? But, like, we’re still together –

Sarah: Big microphones –

Laura: – for the country. Yes.

[Laughter]

Laura: So my idea – and, and also, I always wanted to be in the USO, but they would never take me, so this is also like how I’m going to –

Guest: Hmm.

Laura: – how we are going to combine the USO, our wartime network, and entertain the people while they are at home, while also introducing them to all of our podcasts, because they should know about that. So my idea for this –

Sarah: Podcasts.

Laura: – is that we would tell a joke and then, or maybe give something that was, like, making us laugh or helping us in, like, the boredom of, and the weirdness, that we live in now, if we are lucky enough to be at home, and also, I think we should give a big shout-out to all of our essential workers right now who are making it safe for us to be at home: all of our nurses and doctors and hospital staff and grocery workers and, and the liquor store, bless them.

[Laughter, general agreement]

Sarah: If you could only see the bottle of gin that I walked through the liquor store cradling like a baby, ‘cause I found it, and there were only two left, so I took one, and my husband’s like, did you find the gin? And I’m, like, holding it like an infant. Yes, yes, I, I found the gin.

Zoe: And that’s so good of you! You only took one and left one for somebody else!

Laura: Oh, that’s nice.

Sarah: I will not hoard gin; that is not –

Laura: No.

Sarah: – the right way!

[Laughter]

Sarah: Besides, it was a lot of gin. If I took all that gin I would really not be in good shape! It was a really big bottle!

Kelly: So can I tell a quick pertinent story? Like, ti-, like –

Sarah: Please!

Kelly: – of the times, because, so yesterday, my husband and I were arguing over the grocery order, because he said, well, this is really expensive, and we just did a grocery order, and I was, like, trying to get a lot of sugar, which is hard to get right now, but we feed orioles, like, we feed birds with the sugar, and I’m, like, really worried that, like, these, like, birds that only come around this time of the year won’t have their food, so I was like, we need to get like a couple of bags of sugar so we can make sure that the orioles have their food, and he was like, well, it’s really expensive, and there’s not even, like, any proteins on this order, and then, like, at that same time a delivery arrives for him which is like six bottles of bourbon, and I was like, excuse me? And I did get my sugar for the orioles!

[Laughter]

Sarah: Excuse me, sir.

Kelly: [Laughs] Yeah. So anyhow, we, we got the sugar, so.

Sarah: So you won that argument!

Kelly: Yeah.

Sarah: Thank you, bourbon delivery man.

Zoe: Is there protein in your bourbon choice, sir? I’m not sure.

Kelly: Exactly! I mean, he tried to argue that, like, you know, it’s for a long time, and you’ve got to order enough for delivery, and anyhow, whatever. [Laughs]

Sarah: We, we are not impressed.

Zoe: Mm-mm.

Kelly: No.

Zoe: It’s the space right here.

Sarah: You were totally – yeah, the, yeah, the, the bourbon totally won that for you.

[Laughter]

Laura: I also think it’s weird what you stock up on. Like, when the panic part of my brain turned on as I was grocery shopping, like, aside from toilet paper, I, I got, like, an Amazon pantry delivery a few weeks ago, and, and I had bought, like, jugs of ranch dressing and, and sweet tea powder, and I was like, I live in a Manhattan apartment. Like, there’s not really room for, like, jugs –

Sarah: So it’s like this big, right?

Laura: [Laughs] Yeah! It’s a postage stamp, and, like, and I’m like, what am I going – how long am I going to be here with all this ranch dressing?

Zoe: Of all the things, ranch dressing.

Guest: Yeah!

Zoe: That’s so –

Laura: That made me, that made me feel better. [Laughs]

Kelsey: In the, in the quarantine times, we have acquired a pizza stone and a waffle maker? [Laughs]

Sarah: Ooh!

Kelsey: So, you know, now we, we wonder what took us so long to get the waffle maker, but those have been our things, and then, like, the ingredients we keep trying to get for both of those things, you know, and whenever we have them we make it, but it is funny, like, the things that all of a sudden you decide are, like, you, you should have that? Like –

Sarah: Yeah!

Kelsey: – why don’t I have that thing?

Sarah: Would you like a really good recipe?

Kelsey: Yes.

Sarah: For, okay, so there’s –

Laura: For ranch dressing? Or just –

[Laughter]

Sarah: No. I don’t, I have no suggestions for the ranch dressing.

Laura: Just checking!

Sarah: I, like, I was just sitting there like, how many carrots is that? Like, that many bottles –

Laura: I know.

Sarah: – of ranch dressing; how many bags of carrots? No, for the waffle maker, there’s a really cool cookbook called Will It Waffle?, and one of the recipes we got from Will It Waffle? is fawaffles. They are falafel in the waffle maker.

Zoe: Oooh! Yeah.

Sarah: And the recipe is super, super good. It’s mostly staples; like, you use dried chickpeas, parsley, garlic, tahini, that kind of thing? But because you –

[Crosstalk]

Sarah: Right. I, I have a PDF of the recipe; I will send it to you.

Kelly: Oh, awesome!

Zoe: Awesome.

Sarah: Because you put the falafel dough, the falafel batter in the waffle maker and then you cook it in the waffle maker, it gets really crispy little squares, and then you can put the toppings on top of the piece of falafel that has all this, like, space for extra stuff? It is so good. Like, when we make, fa-, fawaffles at home –

Kelly: Oh my gosh.

Sarah: – all of, all of the members of my house, including the, the picky eaters are, like, on board; we have to make a recipe and a half.

Kelly: Oh my gosh.

Sarah: And then it’s like – [gulping noise] – and they’re gone. They’re so good –

Kelsey: Well –

Sarah: – I’ll send you the recipe.

Kelsey: – and Zoe, if you –

Zoe: That sounds fabulous.

Kelsey: – if you need something that’s way less healthy than that, Tater Tots on your waffle iron?

Zoe: Ohhh.

Sarah: Oh yeah.

Kelly: Oh my gosh.

Kelsey: I saw a video of someone doing that, where they made a Tater Tot waffle, and then –

Sarah: Yep.

Kelsey: – when I went to the store last Monday, I bought Tater Tots! [Laughs]

Sarah: Yay!

[Laughter]

Sarah: That’s a good thing to buy.

Kelsey: Yeah, well, it’s funny, ‘cause, like –

Zoe: Yeah, I love them.

Kelsey: – well, half the time when you go to the freezer section, there are no vegetables –

Sarah: No!

Kelsey: – in the freezer section.

Sarah: No frozen vegetables.

Kelsey: So this last time I went, it’s very interesting, ‘cause I go to the grocery store all of once a week now, and every time I go there are some things I can find, and then the next time they’re gone.

Sarah: Yeah!

Kelsey: So, like, this time I found more veggies in the freezer section, so I bought Tater Tots, ‘cause I was like, these I can put in the freezer! And I bought French fries, ‘cause I was like, these I can also put in the freezer!

Sarah: Right!

Kelly: French fries, yeah!

Kelsey: Yeah, but the, but then this time I went and I couldn’t find any oatmeal at all, versus the last time I could find oatmeal. And –

Sarah: Is this like the quarantines in World War II where, like, you’d go to the store and there’d be no lipstick, and then you go to the store and there’d be no shoe polish. Like –

Kelly: That’s what it feels like for me because, like –

Sarah: Right?

Zoe: Yeah!

Kelsey: Every time I go, there’s, like, a new section that’s empty. Like –

Sarah: Yes, but you can –

Kelsey: – and I don’t know which one it’s going to be.

Sarah: Yes!

Kelly: And different things at different stores, too, because I’ve gone to multiple stores and gotten bread there, but other places, they have no bread –

Kelsey: Yeah!

Kelly: – and other places it’s eggs and milk.

Kelsey: Well, I went to one grocery store just ‘cause I go to one specific store where I buy, like, my, like, all the meat I get, ‘cause they just usually have a better selection and the quality’s a little bit better, so that’s where we choose to buy it, and I passed their section, ‘cause I was like, I’m literally just here for meat, that’s what I’m buying here, ‘cause everything else is more expensive there, but they had eggs, and then I was going to, like, I was like, oh, I’ll just get those at Safeway, and then I went to Safeway, and Safeway only had, like –

Kelly: Gone!

Kelsey: – tiny cart-, they had like three more tiny cartons of eggs. It was like, well, should have gotten it at the other grocery store, but I’m not going there again for another week, so.

[Laughter]

Laura: I think the moral of the story is that, like, basically we are, we are all pioneers now. It’s like The Oregon Trail game, and it’s just like, get –

Sarah: With a waffle iron.

Laura: Yeah, with a waffle iron. Like, yeah, we’re doing better than, like, you know, dysentery and, like, all of that, but –

Sarah: If you have enough toilet paper, anyway.

Laura: Yeah, yeah.

Guest: Oh yeah.

[Laughter]

Laura: But it’s like, no, we’re just, have you to think of yourself as, like, a pioneer survivor, and you –

Sarah: Pretty much.

Laura: – might get the, get the supplies while you can.

Kelsey: It’s also a treasure hunt. You know –

Laura: Yeah.

Kelsey: – I show up from the grocery store, and I’m like, well, I couldn’t get this, but, babe, look what else I was able to find!

[Laughter]

Sarah: Victory!

Zoe: I feel like it really, it really is like The Oregon Trail too, ‘cause, like, when you played The Oregon Trail, you always had that one stupid item in your, you know, wagon, that you were like, I shouldn’t bring a piano, but, like, I really want to bring a piano!

Sarah: What if you need it?

Kelly: Yeah! Yeah. Like, do I need eight more sets of clothes? I don’t know! Maybe food would serve me better.

Sarah: Or ranch dressing; you could also get ranch dressing.

Zoe: There it is!

Laura: Ranch dressing. I think the logic for that was that I had gotten a bunch of frozen pizza, and I was thinking, what if I’m really drunk and I want ranch dressing on my frozen pizza? Like, these, these, like the activities at home, like –

Sarah: Wait, those are things you do together?

Zoe: Oh yes!

Kelly: Oh, ranch dressing –

Laura: Ranch dressing on pizza, especially frozen pizza, ‘cause frozen pizza is not the –

Sarah: It’s blander.

[Crosstalk, general agreement]

Kelly: That’s okay.

Laura: So –

Kelly: Bad pizza is better than no pizza.

Laura: Yeah. So ranch dressing on pizza, and frozen pizza especially –

Kelly: Yeah.

Laura: – elevate, elevates it. It’s just a whole culinary thing. [Laughs] Yeah. Yeah, so –

Kelly: Well, and now you can just put some pizza on top of your ranch dressing!

Laura: Yes, and that’s, it’s going to be just like, I’m going to start making it like a little sauce. I’m going to be like a Michelin chef and just be like –

[Crosstalk]

Laura: – a little, little sauce on everything.

Kelly: Yeah!

Sarah: So after this airs, if there’s a ranch dressage –

Laura: Yeah.

Sarah: – ranch, ranch dressing shortage –

Laura: Mm-hmm.

Sarah: – we know why.

Laura: It’s my bad.

Sarah: It’s, it’s Laura’s fault.

Laura: Yeah.

Sarah: My mind is blown. Like –

Laura: Yeah.

Sarah: – I’m having homemade pizza tonight –

Kelsey: My mind is blown that you haven’t heard about ranch dressing on –

Sarah: No, I have never – oh my Go-, I, like, we’re having, we’re making homemade pizza tonight, and I’m like –

Laura: Get some ranch. Just on the side, a little dip. I learned it from a, from a friend who’s from Detroit, and I guess that’s how she always ate pizza, and definitely when would be, like, going out to bars together and then having your, your nighttime, your night, your, like, nightcap slice before you, like –

Kelsey: The first time –

Laura: – stumble home. Yeah.

Kelsey: – the first time I put ranch dressing on pizza in front of my husband – he’s not from America, and he was like, what American thing are you doing right now?

[Laughter]

Kelsey: He’s like, I think that’s the most American thing I’ve seen. Ranch dressing on everything!

Laura: I mean, that’s true.

Zoe: He’s not wrong!

Kelsey: He’s not!

Sarah: That’s like a diplomatic incident waiting to happen.

[Laughter]

Sarah: Oh my gosh.

Laura: All right, should we tell, we’ve already told some jokes. Also, I just realized that none of us introduced ourselves really, so retroactively –

Sarah: We were just talking; it’s fine.

Laura: It’s fine. But I, do you guys want to tell jokes now, ‘cause I, I want to tell mine.

Kelly: Yeah! Yeah!

Sarah: Tell your joke.

Laura: Okay, but the rule, the rule of the jokes is that if one of us says a joke that says, like, why does blah-blah-blah? Or what does blah-blah-blah? You all have to say, why? You know, or, like, what? So –

Zoe: Okay. Tough rules.

Laura: – so it’s like –

Sarah: Who’s there?

Laura: Who, exactly! So that I –

Kelsey: Big response, got it.

Laura: So that I’m not like, oh no, I’m going to get yanked off the stage, you know! [Laughs] ‘Kay. Okay. So –

Sarah: Crickets.

Laura: So – oh, I, I run The Mermaid Podcast, which is about mer-, mermaids. That’s –

Sarah: Wait, so –

Laura: Yeah.

Sarah: – you podcast about mermaids and ranch dressing.

Laura: Now it’s going to be The Ranch Dressing Podcast.

[Laughter]

Kelly: Yeaahh!

Sarah: Dude.

Laura: [Laughs] It’s going to –

Sarah: I’m pretty sure that would be a massive hit.

Laura: Actually, one of my favorite games is like, can I play six degrees of mermaids and relate anything to, like, connect two things? Like –

Sarah: Totally!

Laura: – ranch dressing to mermaids, and I’m like, I bet, I bet I could. Ranch dressing goes on salad; salad can be made out of seaweed; mermaids eat seaweed. There you go.

Kelsey: Oh my –

[Crosstalk]

Kelsey: God! That’s my mind blown!

Laura: [Laughs] Yeah! There you go! It’s really good! Okay. Okay, but yeah, so I run The Mermaid Podcast, so I had to think of, like, a really, like a mermaid joke for you. So I, I consulted, actually, with a friend of mine who is a professional comic, and I was like, how’s this? And she okayed it.

Sarah: Did homework!

Laura: I did homework! I did homework! I was like, this is wartime! You have to bring your A game! [Laughs] Okay? Okay. So, okay, so the joke that she okayed was, it goes like this:

Why was the mermaid embarrassed?

Everyone else: Why?

Laura: Because she saw the ship’s bottom!

[Laughter]

Guest: He touched the butt!

Laura: Yeah!

Other Guest: Yeah, I saw his butt!

Zoe: I thought of that too!

[Laughter]

Sarah: Wow.

Laura: Yeah. [Laughs] So that’s me.

Sarah: Oh good.

Laura: Laura von Holt, Mermaid Podcast!

Sarah: All right, Laura, who’s, who’s next?

Laura: I’m going to go with Kelly. [Laughs]

Kelly: Okay! Okay. I do, I do have a joke.

Laura: Wait, what’s your podcast? What’s your podcast’s name?

Kelly: Oh! Oh yeah, me! So I’m Kelly. I host Boobies & Noobies –

Laura: Yeah!

Kelly: – and it’s a romance novel review podcast where I ask mostly people that have never read a romance novel to read their first one with me! Although there’s some familiar faces here that have been on the podcast that have definitely read a romance novel. [Laughs]

Sarah: When I was on Boobies & Noobies I said I had amnesia. That way I don’t –

Laura: [Laughs] Yeah.

Sarah: – any of the books I’ve ever read ever.

Kelly: Works out perfectly. And you know what, usually when we have people that have read them, I still try to find something that maybe is like a trope that they haven’t read or, like, a style they haven’t read, so yeah! We have a lot of fun!

Laura: Okay, so what’s your joke?

Kelly: Okay. So I – it’s so funny, I wish I could say I came up with this myself, but I have been following the author, romance author Robin Bielman on Twitter, and she has been posting a joke every day – [laughs] –

Sarah: Aw!

Kelly: – just to kind of like brighten, you know, the Twitter feed, and so this, I think, was my favorite one that she shared a couple days ago, so:

What did the fisherman say to the magician?

Everyone else: What?

Kelly: Pick a cod, any cod!

[Laughter]

Sarah: Ohhh God! This is so amazing!

Laura: It’s so good!

Zoe: Oh gosh.

Laura: So good!

Kelly: Oh God, she’s got so many more, too, so if you feel like you need –

Laura: Oh good!

Kelly: – a joke a day to just brighten your day, Robin Bielman.

[Laughter]

Zoe: Yes, yes, that was really good.

Kelly: Zoe, do you want to go next?

Zoe: Sort of. Kelsey and I are sort of together, ‘cause we share –

Kelsey: Yeah.

Zoe: – a podcast.

Kelsey: Right.

Zoe: We did not bring, like, a joke per se? We, ‘cause we’re, we were bad and, like, we should have just, like, Googled one, and I’m sorry that we didn’t –

[Laughter]

Zoe: – but, like, we were talking about this beforehand, and we’re like, what do we, what do we do? But we were both talking about some funny memes that we’ve seen recently that, like, just really bring a smile to our face? But I think Kelsey maybe had something also before that, right?

Kelsey: Oh yeah. First off, because we are, this is an hour of mayhem, I wanted to give a –

Zoe: Oh, we didn’t –

Kelsey: – pro tip, guys?

Zoe: Yeah, we didn’t talk about our podcast.

Kelsey: Oh yeah. So –

[Crosstalk]

Kelsey: – our podcast, for everyone who doesn’t know, is Tea & Strumpets. So from the hosts –

Sarah: Such a great name.

Kelsey: – of Tea & Strumpets, we’re going to give you a pro tip: your teacup can also be your wineglass.

Laura: Ohhh! My God –

Kelly: Perfect.

Laura: – that goes along with ranch dressing! Mind-blowing life tip!

Kelly: And, Kelsey, if you keep your bottle in one hand and your teacup in the other, you won’t be able to touch your face.

[Laughter]

Kelly: There you go!

Kelsey: That’s also true!

Laura: Ohhh!

Zoe: Yes, and on Tea & Strumpets, we also review romance novels, but we do just, like, Regency, historical, Victorian. Like, we’re stuck in Europe talking about that time, ‘cause that’s, like, all that Kelsey and I really love to read. We’re just, like, stuck in our little, little zone.

Kelsey: Yeah.

[Crosstalk]

Kelsey: I like to venture out for werewolves and vampires once in a while, but –

Laura: Ooh! Yeah. Uh-huh?

Kelsey: – I really like to live in my historical bubble, which is fine.

Zoe: Yes.

Laura: Also, when there’s werewolves in historical bubbles, like that’s why I really like the Gail Carriger series, The Parasol Protectorate?

Kelsey: [Gasps] Oh my God!

Laura: Yeah.

Kelsey: I made pesto at home the other day, and all I could think about was The Parasol Protectorate –

Sarah: Yes!

Kelsey: – and how pesto –

Laura: Yeah.

Kelsey: – is the ult- – so pesto, for anyone who doesn’t know and hasn’t read these books, is the ultimate stopper of evil paranormal creatures, because the –

Laura: It’s like kryptonite.

Kelsey: – garlic in pesto –

Laura: Yeah.

Kelsey: – repels the vampires, but it turns out werewolves are allergic to basil. So it is the perfect combination –

Kelly or Sarah: Wow!

Kelsey: – to ward off your vampires and your werewolves, because neither one of ‘em can stand the other.

Laura: Yeah.

Sarah: Who knew?!

Kelsey: So pesto. Guys, pesto.

Laura: Pesto just – also, garlic is really, like, antimicrobial or antiviral, so maybe it’s also good for the quarantine times.

Zoe: Mmm, yeah.

Kelly: And it tastes good!

Laura: Yeah.

Kelly: Yeah.

Laura: Right. Super into it.

Kelsey: But yeah, so as far as other funny things I’ve seen, and I’ve been feeling this personally, because it’s, I’m in California, and we had a lot of sun in February, which meant everything started to bloom and spring very rapidly, because we had crazy warm weather and no rain –

Sarah: Yep.

Kelsey: – so allergy season’s been really bad, guys.

Laura: Oh!

Kelsey: So what I’ve seen on the internet which is the best is the new 2020 game is: Plague or Pollen? Explain Your Sneeze.

Laura: [Laughs]

Kelly or Sarah: Perfect.

Laura: It’s so good, it’s like a game show!

Kelsey: I know! I read it, and I was like, I connect with this –

Laura: Yeah.

Kelsey: – so hard, because I did. I was at work, and I work with animals, I work in the outside, and I was sneezing, but it’s ‘cause I was with dust and pollen and animals, and I was like –

Sarah: Yeah.

Kelsey: – I hope no one thinks I’m sick. It was just a sneeze, I swear.

[Laughter]

Laura: I, I’m in New York, and they, for the first time, have let restaurants deliver alcohol, which was never a thing, so I was very excited and got some takeout margaritas and was so thrilled to have, like, a restaurant margarita that I almost cried, and I ordered two big ones to, like, just in case. You know, I mean, you have to stock up.

Sarah: Yeah, there you go.

Laura: And then I got very excited and was on, like, a Zoom call with friends and drank them and was like, oh no. [Laughs] Oh no!

[Laughter]

Laura: And then –

Sarah: Is that why the rem-, the ranch dressing happened?

[Laughter]

Laura: No, that had previously happened. That was just a panic –

Sarah: Oh, okay.

Laura: – that was just a panic insomnia purchase. [Laughs] But the next morning I woke up, and I was like, oh God, my throat; oh God, my head; oh my God, I have COVID! And then I was like, nonono, remember, remember, this is a hangover.

[Laughter]

Kelly: It’s hung over!

Laura: Hung over! [Laughs]

Kelly: Seriously!

Sarah: Oh my gosh!

Laura: So yeah, that’s also the, like, da-, the dangerous game that you, that we play – [laughs] – like, drinking alone in my apartment.

Zoe: So I had one more meme that I wanted to share, which is like, it’s the favorite one that I have come across of this whole time, and there are some, there are some good memes right now. Like, this is, this is definitely it. But it’s the one about Gaston, and it’s –

Sarah: Oh!

Zoe: – No one cleans –

Zoe and Kelsey: – like Gaston,

Quarantines like Gaston –

Zoe: No one stops spreading COVID-19 like Gaston!

[Laughter]

Zoe: So, and, like, if anyone has listened to our podcast, I don’t think that I, or maybe Kelsey also, could love Beauty and the Beast more? [Laughs] So, like, I just, oh my God, I just, that made me laugh so hard, and it gets in my head all the time now, so, I mean, I feel like someone needs to write out the whole song, like –

Sarah: Oh yeah.

Zoe: – he’s no longer expectorating, you know? Things like that. There’s just, there, there is, there’s something there, and yeah, I love it. That, and I also saw yesterday that, you know, someone posted a thing about how they totally get how our meme culture is like how, you know, people in Victorian times wrote, like, songs about the plague, you know, like –

Sarah: Yes.

Zoe: – “Ring Around the Rosie” kind of thing, and it is, like –

Sarah: Yeah.

Zoe: – it is kind of mind-blowing. Like, that is how we’re using memes right now to, like, make light of it and have a laugh!

Kelsey: Laugh through our pain!

Zoe: Yes! So –

Laura: Also, Gaston is totally the guy that, like, went to Florida for spring break and was like, if I get it, I get it.

[Laughter]

Sarah: Right?

Laura: And then, like, went to his grandmother’s birthday party. [Laughs] Yeah.

Zoe: Oh yeah, like, I mean, Gaston is, like, irredeemable in my eyes.

Laura: Yeah.

Zoe: I, I’m not a Gaston fan, but, like –

Laura: Yeah.

Zoe: – that’s very clever, and I love it very much. [Laughs]

Laura: Oh yeah. One hundred percent. Yeah.

Kelly: I love that there’s so many songs that people are rewriting the lyrics to right now. Like, I’ve seen so many different covers of so many different songs, but done – my favorite, I think, is the video that people made that was, the main song, “One Day More,” from Les Mis?

Laura: Oh yeah, from Les Mis, mm-hmm?

Kelsey: And it’s just the family and the kids?

Kelly: Yeah, and it’s people in all these different locations, and, like, they’re holding their dogs and, like, blankets over their – oh, it’s everything!

Kelsey: Oh, I didn’t see that one! I saw a different “One Day More” with a whole family of, of, like, from the UK, and they got their kids all singing it, and they had really funny lyrics, so now we’re going to have to switch links, because I need to see yours!

Kelly: Oh, okay! Yeah. I like that Les Mis is the one that’s going around. [Laughs]

Zoe: Well, Les Mis is great. [Laughs]

Sarah: It, it fits, right?

Zoe: It’s epic!

Zoe: It’s got sad times, it’s got hard times, and they come through at the end! Well, most of them do. Some –

[Crosstalk]

Laura: And it seems like there’s a part, if you have a large family, there’s a part for, like, everyone to sing. They’re like, oh, okay, I can, I can hit this range, and I can, like, do this harmony? So yeah, it’s like –

Kelly: For sure!

Laura: – yeah. That’s, that’s why it works, yeah.

Sarah: Totally.

Laura: I mean, I feel like show tunes is just like a whole other stage too of when, like, I was listening to regular music, and now I’m just listening to show tunes while I’m working at home, and it’s like, oh yeah, this is, this is a whole level, and I’m, I’m into this, so, like, I can – [laughs]

Kelsey: Show tunes are my life. That’s like –

Laura: Yeah.

Kelsey: – ninety percent of my iPod, because I still listen to an iPod.

Laura: Yeah. Ohhh!

Zoe: I wouldn’t even know where one was!

[Laughter]

Kelly: I know I had one at some point, but who knows?

Zoe: I am very impressed, but I, so I am also a show tunes gal, but for literally the past three years, I’ve just had one album on repeat, and it’s the only one I listen to to this day. It’s Hamilton. Sorry; I just can’t get, I can’t, like, I just always want to listen to it! And I know that there’s so many other good ones; like, I really want to, like, get into Hadestown. Like, there’s been a lot since Hamilton, but, like, I just –

Sarah: But if you’re going to love what you love!

Zoe: – pick ones?

Kelly: Yeah, if you’re going to pick one to stick to, Hamilton is a great one.

Zoe: Yeah. It’s just –

Kelly: It’s all so great. I have a, been on a – also a musical person – and I, I haven’t yet watched it, because the first night I went to go watch it I realized we had to actually, like, plug in the DVD player? So oops. And that was –

[Crosstalk]

Sarah: It wasn’t, at least you didn’t have to find a VCR, you know?

Kelly: Yeah, I know, that was good. Yeah, at least I didn’t have to find a VCR. I just had to plug in a DVD player. But yeah, I’ve just been really craving The Music Man, because –

Sarah: Ohhh!

Kelly: – if anything just makes you happy in a sad time, it’s The Music Man.

Kelsey: But, like, original one, right? Like, not the Matthew Broderick one?

Kelly: Oh, oh! Robert Preston –

Kelsey: Okay, got it.

Kelly: Oh, no, no, I’m sorry. I had a very heated discussion with my friends about this once? They’re like, oh, but the Matthew Broderick one! I was like, no! Uh-uh!

Sarah: Nope.

Kelly: Robert Preston – [snaps fingers] – sorry!

Kelsey: Yep, it’s the best.

Kelly: Sorry.

Sarah: It’s so good.

Kelly: I don’t know what you’re talking about? I refuse.

Laura: My favorite part of that movie is, like, the “One Grecian urn.”

[Laughter, crosstalk]

Laura: Like, the, the ladies having a tableau, and they just, like, switch positions and –

Kelly: “Two Grecian urn.”

Laura: Yeah.

Kelly: I performed in The Music Man in high school, and that’s who I played, the mayor’s wife!

Laura: So good!

Sarah: No way!

Kelsey: Pick a little, talk a little, cheep-cheep-cheep!

Laura: Yeah.

Kelly: It’s the best role of my life. [Laughs] 

Zoe: But, like, can we just, like, have just a moment? I still don’t understand “Shipoopi.”

[Laughter]

Laura: Well –

Kelsey: It’s just, it’s just happy!

Kelly: It’s just also really –

[Crosstalk]

Kelly: – and sometimes, like, is in your head for a week. I mean, it just happens; like, I don’t know.

Kelsey: Yeah! It’s like “Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious” from Mary Poppins.

Kelly: Yeah, it is.

Kelsey: You’re like, why, do we need this? No, but I’m here for it.

Zoe: Mm-hmm.

Kelly: Super here for it. Anyhow, I was also in The Music Man, but I was just chorus, so. [Sighs] Good times, though.

Zoe: Good times.

Kelly: Good – his, musical theater times, but I think Sarah owes us a joke still.

Sarah: Okay.

Laura: Yes, Sarah! I’m so excited!

Sarah: Oh God, the pressure!

Laura: No, no! It’s just, I have a story to tell you after you tell your joke, about –

Sarah: Oh, okay!

Laura: – a joke you told that I still remember.

[Laughter]

Sarah: Oh! I end, I end every episode –

Laura: Yeah!

Sarah: – with a really bad joke.

Laura: Ex-, exactly.

Sarah: Like, your reward for listening to the outro is you get a really, really terrible, terrible – now people are starting to send me terrible jokes, which is, like, the greatest email –

Kelly: Perfect.

Sarah: Oh, it’s awesome? But I’ve, like, become, like, a connoisseur of them, and I, like, torture my family. How bad is this? Oh, that’s not bad enough. It’s pretty bad, but that’s not bad enough. All right, so this is, I, I, I polled the fam, and the fam –

Laura: Okay.

Sarah: – has voted for the following; this is my favorite bad joke. Okay.

Kelly: Perfect.

Sarah: So a pirate walks into a bar, and the bartender says, excuse me, sir; do you know that you have a ship’s wheel sticking out of the front of your pants?

And the pirate says, arrr, it’s driving me nuts!

[Laughter]

Sarah: It is so dumb, right? [Laughs]

Kelsey: Oh, that’s fantastic, though!

[Crosstalk, laughter]

Laura: I just imagine, like, rrrRRRrrr! Like, to the northwest, you know? Five knots!

Sarah: It’s driving me nuts!

[Laughter]

Kelsey: Oh, wow, that was really sorry!

Kelly: It was really waiting. I wasn’t sure where that was going to go, and that, that wasn’t what I was seeing!

Zoe: Yeah.

[Laughter]

Sarah: Nope. No, you can never predict where that joke’s going to go!

Zoe: So good!

Sarah: I’m glad you liked it!

Laura: The joke that I almost told, but then I was like, what if Sarah wants to use her own show’s joke is one –

Sarah: Oh God!

Laura: – it’s, I don’t know why this is the one that stuck in, ‘cause I listen to the jokes at the end of your podcast all the time, but this is the one –

Sarah: Thank you!

Laura: – that, like, one day I was like, oh yeah. And I’m probably going to remember it wrong, but I’ll try to tell it. So the joke that I remember is:

What happens when you smack Dwayne Johnson on the bum?

Everyone else: What?

Laura: You’ve hit Rock bottom! [Laughs]

Sarah: Oh my gosh!

Kelsey: I would argue you’d hit the top of the mountain on that one!

Laura: Oh yeah, there you go.

[Laughter]

Laura: You’re right; for me, it would be a reach up! I’d be like this. [Laughs]

Sarah: Oh boy!

Laura: Yeah, so that for some reason, that’s the one that really stuck in my mind, Sarah. So –

Sarah: [Laughs]

Laura: – yeah.

Kelsey: I like that that’s the one that stuck with you. Like, why?

Laura: Yeah, I don’t know why.

Kelsey: Yeah.

Laura: I don’t know why.

Sarah: It’s a mystery, man.

Zoe: It’s a good visual.

[Laughter]

Laura: I think, I think sometimes I kind of know where they’re going, and I’m like, oh, I see, I see it coming, and this one I was like, never.

[Laughter]

Sarah: Oh my God.

Laura: I don’t know. I don’t know.

Kelly: I have to ask, have any of you been watching Tiger King?

Laura: [Gasps]

Guest: No.

Laura: No, I’m, not yet. I mean, I –

Kelly: Because, guys –

Laura: – get nervous. What?

Kelly: – then I’m not going to share –

Kelsey: My friend turned me on to the best show ever.

Zoe: What? Kelsey, what?

Kelsey: Okay, I’m sorry; I’m a really big fan of, like, uplifting British reality TV?

[Crosstalk]

Kelsey: I’m assuming we’re all a fan of The Great British Bake Off. Assuming –

Laura: Okay, yes.

Kelsey: – assuming. So she turned me on. So there’s, it’s called The Great Pottery Throw Down –

Laura: [Gasps] Ohhh!

Kelsey: – and it’s the same premise –

Sarah: Stop it!

Kelsey: – but they’re potters, and they have to make things out of clay!

Laura: Ohhh!

Kelsey: And you can find three seasons of it on YouTube!

Laura: Yeah, it’s so comforting!

Kelly Guest: Oh my God!

Laura: That’s so comforting!

Kelsey: And I watched three episodes last night! She told me about this, and I was like, yes! This is the kind of uplifting TV in my life right now! This is all I need!

Guest: Yeah!

Kelly: Let me tell you, you’re probably getting much different feelings out of that than you will out of Tiger King. [Laughs] So that’s good!

Laura: Yeah.

Zoe: Tiger, Tiger King is, like, I can understand the allure of it, but I think it is one of those things that I know that I will ultimately not be able to look away from and also hate watching. So, like –

Kelly: Yeah!

Zoe: – I’m like, that’s not the feeling I’m looking for right now, so, you know, I’m going to –

Kelly: You’re looking for feel-good British reality TV.

Zoe: I mean, I watch Monty Don on Gardeners’ World. The new season just started; it’s lovely.

Kelsey: That’s what I, that’s what John needs to watch. I hope that he –

Sarah: That’s what we need.

Kelsey: – needed to wa-, I, he was like, where does Zoe get all her gardening advice, and I was like, she watches some British gardener; I think it’s Monty Don –

Sarah: With the scarf!

Kelsey: – from that other show you’ve been watching.

Zoe: Yes. Yeah.

Kelly: We love it!

Zoe: Yeah.

Kelly: Oh, I, you guys have the best recommendations!

[Laughter]

Kelly: Like, this is great! This sounds so peaceful!

Sarah: You know what else is on YouTube is British Bake Off Junior [Junior Bake Off].

Laura and other Guest: Ohhh!

Kelly: Cute!

Sarah: Which is, like, okay, so you know how there’s the one show with Gordon Ramsay and he yells at people a lot, but then there –

Kelly: Oh, and then when –

Sarah: – MasterChef Junior, and he’s like the –

Kelsey: I watch that one. The, like –

Sarah: – kindest, like, like, super adorable –

Kelsey: – grandfather? Like, yeah.

Sarah: – cooking dad? Yeah!

Sarah and Kelsey: Like –

Sarah: – like, okay! It’s going to be all right.

Guest: Yeah.

Sarah: This is fine! And, you know, he’s going to yell at some grownup like, this looks like Gandhi’s flip-flop!

[Laughter, crosstalk]

Sarah: – spill everything on the floor. We’re going to make this work! We’re all good! So –

Kelsey: Yeah!

Sarah: – it’s that, only even more. Like, you take that sort of affectionate, loving, sort of gentle, gentleness, and then you mix it with the Bake Off? So do you remember, is – I’m going to have to look this up, ‘cause I’m afraid I’m going to get it wrong – I want to say it’s Liam. Junior Bake Off – [typing sounds]. I get, do I win a, do I win a prize for being the first person during the, during the, during the recording to have to Google something?

Laura: Yes.

Sarah: I hope I get –

Laura: You get a big prize.

[Crosstalk]

Kelsey: You get a bottle of ranch dressing!

Laura: Yes!

Sarah: Okay.

[Laughter]

Sarah: Good, I’m having pizza. Rush it over. Do you remember Liam from season eight? He was, so he’s super adorable, and so Prue is one of the judges –

Laura: Yes, yes.

Sarah: – and then there’s this weird comedian who wears these really long collars – I don’t quite understand it – but Liam was in the eighth season. He was super adorable, everyone loved him, so he’s one of the judges, and he, like –

Laura: Aw!

Sarah: – totally bonds with these kids, and they do two sets. So there’s the first set of kids and the second set of kids, and they get it down to, I think, four, and then they join them together to get to the end?

Guest: Mm-hmm?

Sarah: And –

[Crosstalk]

Sarah: – sick adorableness. Like, just absolutely precious. Like the best moments of Bake Off just distilled and then with adorable children making adorable things.

Guest: Yes!

Sarah: And I follow, I follow some of the winners of the last season on Instagram, so, like, @bakesbyamal: here’s Amal in her kitchen, and she’s making this cake that is just, like –

Guest: Aw!

Sarah: – absolutely off the chain gorgeous with, like, macarons and everything, and I’m like – [whispers] – this is amazing!

Zoe: But here’s the question –

Kelsey: – about the juniors, though, is, like, their incredible talent. Sorry, Zoe; I know –

Zoe: No, it’s fine. I just need, I just needed to know if they have shorter countertops or stepstools?

Kelsey: [Laughs]

Kelly: Oh!

Sarah: They have both, I think.

Zoe: [Gasps] Okay. ‘Cause, like –

Kelly: Okay –

Zoe: – adorable idea of, like, the countertops being, like, smaller, like, also is awesome, but then, like, also, all of them on stepstools also is, like, really cute, so I just don’t know. It just sounds –

Sarah: And then the older kids help the younger kids put their aprons on, ‘cause they can’t figure out how to tie, so there’s always footage of them running around and tying each other’s aprons on. I’ll help you, I’ll help you! It’s okay. All right, hold on, I’ll hold your hair; it’s okay. And then if, like, something happens, they all rush over to help the other person. It’s –

Kelsey: Feel-good British reality TV! This is what I need –

Sarah: – so good.

Kelsey: – in my life.

Sarah: It is so good.

Kelly: Plus, I’m sure they all have adorable British accents, which –

Sarah: Oh!

Kelly: – is, like, that’s enough! That’s enough for me!

Sarah: And there’s some, there are some kids who are from parts of England where the accent is very, very specific, and I’m like, this is amazing; I’ve never heard this accent on television before? Like, please, just, this is incredible.

Zoe: Yeah!

Sarah: It’s so cool. Because I forget, you know, we only get like a small portion of the, the regional variation of, of British accents –

Kelsey: Yes.

Sarah: – and then you get to some –

Zoe: Right.

Sarah: – very specific locations, like, whoa! We are speaking the same language, except not at all!

Zoe: We’re speaking the same language, but I don’t understand a word you’re saying.

Sarah: That’s right! Not a, not a, not a one. It, it’s so good. [Whispers] It’s so good!

Zoe: Aw!

Laura: I feel like whenever I go to Scotland, I’m, like, back in, like, the middle English, middle ages times, like before the Great Vowel Shift, and I’m like, oh no, I’m from the future!

[Laughter]

Sarah: Before the Great Vowel Shift – you’re the only other person I know who talks about the Great Vowel Shift!

Laura: The Great Vowel Shift, I’m like –

Sarah: I want –

Laura: It’s true, though! ‘Cause I’ve heard, like, I’ve heard people be like, oh, I’ll read Shakespeare or Chaucer as it, like, sounded, and I’m like –

Sarah: No!

Laura: – that’s Scottish! [Laughs]

Sarah: Pretty much.

Laura: Yeah.

Zoe: We, every time –

Kelsey: Oh my God.

Zoe: – that we have to, like, read a Scottish sentence from one of our books, like, it is, you’d think that one day we’d go and, like, try to practice a little bit of the Scottish accent, but, like, for goodness’ sakes, we never do, and it’s always just, like, this laughing incident where we try to read the quote, and neither of us can, like, even say, like, och, no, or och, nay, or however you say it.

[Laughter]

Sarah: Dinna.

Zoe: Right.

Laura: Dinna. [Laughs]

[Crosstalk]

Sarah: You know, the meal comes after lunch.

Kelsey: Yeah.

Sarah: Dinner.

Kelsey: Yeah!

Kelly: That’s, I always practice it when I read Scottish romance, because I, I, I have to, like, try to understand what they’re trying to say, so, like, I, the one phrase that I’ve caught onto is, I dinna ken!

[Laughter]

Kelly: I don’t know! And I don’t know why it’s that, but it is! [Laughs]

Laura: Does anybody watch Out– – 

Sarah: I remember –

Laura: Oh, sorry, Sarah; go ahead.

Sarah: Go ahead!

Laura: Oh, I was just going to say, does anybody watch Outlander, because I feel like their accents have gotten, like, thinner as, like, the seasons have gone on?

Sarah: [Laughs]

[Crosstalk]

Laura: I don’t know if it’s just they’re in America or, like –

Kelsey: – Starz season –

Laura: Well, it’s the only season to watch.

Kelsey: – but I do hear they’re in America now.

Laura: They’re in, yeah, they’re in America. I don’t know why. I didn’t read this far in the books –

Sarah: It’s our fault.

Laura: – and yeah, it’s our fault. I didn’t read this far in the books.

[Crosstalk]

Laura: I don’t know why they’re in America. I just want them to go back to, like, riding horses and having sex in Scotland, and then I realized that’s why the entire, like, Scottish historical romance subgenre exists, because, like, Outlander went other places, and you’re like, no, no, no, go back to the, the, the moor.

[Laughter]

Kelly: I love a good Scottish historical romance. Mm.

Laura: So good.

Zoe: Definitely.

Kelsey: I do when I can understand what they’re saying.

Zoe: That’s true. That’s true. Sometimes you really can’t.

Kelsey: Like, hit and miss. [Laughs]

Kelly: Yeah, I feel like there’s a delicate balance of writing those, of, like, using enough Scottish stuff to, like, make it feel, have that flavor, and then also not, like, intimidating or, like, irritating to the reader, but I think that’s like a lot of –

Kelsey: Yeah!

Kelly: – historical romance. Like, how much do you want to put in there to, like, make it feel like it’s of that period, and how much do you want to, like, not talk about, because we know everybody had syphilis, but that’s not romantic, so –

Kelsey: [Laughs]

Zoe: We, we know there’s garbage and bodies in the Thames. We don’t, but we don’t need to highlight that.

Kelly: Yeah, but she did fall at the Thames, and then he pulled her out and then she got a fever, and that’s sexy, right?

Laura: Oh yeah.

Sarah: Perfect.

[Crosstalk, laughter]

Laura: I do wonder, like, what dating’s going to be like when the quaran-times are over. Because I live in New York, I’m like, are we all going to be like, did you have it; did you not have it? Like –

Kelly: Oh yeah. Did you hear –

Laura: What’s your virus experience? Like –

Kelly: Did you hear that, like, dating apps are up like twenty percent as of quarantine? Yeah, because people are, like, stuck at home and, you know, they’re like, well, I don’t want this to stop me from, like, meeting people!

[Crosstalk]

Kelsey: It’s, and it’s also gone back, I heard someone say they did, like, a, a Skype date where they, like, watched a movie at the same time –

Sarah: Yep.

Kelsey: – over Skype? And I was like, I did that ten years ago in college!

Guest: Ahhh.

Kelly: Yeah!

Sarah: I also read about –

[Crosstalk]

Zoe: – before it was cool!

Sarah: Yes. I read about a couple who got in their own cars and met at a restaurant and got take out and then parked their cars so that they were facing opposite directions and could just talk through the windows?

Laura: Yeah.

Sarah: So they were the appropriate distance, having their meal together from the same restaurant –

Laura: Yeah.

Sarah: – but in their, in their own cars? I was like, people are so ingenious. Whenever –

[Crosstalk]

Laura: There’s a guy in Brooklyn who, like, he’s been on TikTok ‘cause he saw, like, a girl across dancing on her rooftop, so he –

[Crosstalk]

Sarah: Yes, I saw that!

Laura: – and then, like, he put himself in a bubble and walked over to her house so they could, like, go on a date.

Sarah: Yeah.

Laura: And they got stopped by the cops for not being too close, but then the cop was like, oh, I saw you on the news, so you can, like, keep having your date.

Kelly: It was cute!

Laura: And yeah –

[Crosstalk]

Kelly: It was cute. I’m really rooting for them.

Laura: Yeah, yeah. Very – I mean, I, that was another meme that I saw where it was like people, men, you’re going to have to, like, revert back to the nineteenth century and actually, like, woo a woman and send her letters, you know. You’re going to, you’re going to have get creative. So maybe I should go on the dating apps.

Kelly: Yeah.

Laura: I just was like, I was afraid that, like, I would only feel comfortable if I date someone in my building, but then that would, like, ruin my building for me?

Sarah: You know – yeah, that’s like –

Kelly: Yeah.

Sarah: – getting your sausage where you get your bacon? You don’t want to do that.

Laura: Yeah, I don’t want to do that.

Sarah: You don’t want to do that, no.

Laura: So I –

Sarah: You know what’s going to happen? We’re going to go back to, like, historical romance fan language?

Laura: Yes.

Zoe: Yeah.

Sarah: Like, we’re going to have to signal each other?

Zoe: Oh!

[Crosstalk]

Sarah: Right, we’re going to use our fans.

Guest: Oh yeah!

Sarah: Like, I don’t want to talk to you – we’ll have, like, flower code? Like –

Laura: Oh yes. Yes.

[Crosstalk]

Sarah: – whichever flower means like, please fuck off and die, like –

[Laughter]

Sarah: Yeah, but we’ll have, like – wait, is there cursing on y’all’s podcasts? ‘Cause there’s –

Everybody else: Oh yeah! [Crosstalk]

Sarah: Okay, good! I was going to say, I just swore –

[Crosstalk]

Kelly: – romance novels and sex –

Sarah: Oh!

Kelly: – stuff, so, like –

Sarah: Oh, yes! But it’s also the genre of a million euphemisms! [Laughs]

Laura: So –

Sarah: So we’re going to bring back, like, fan language and flower language so we can communicate from a distance, like, no, I do not wish to speak with you. I’m going to –

[Laughter]

Sarah: – fan left. Swiping left now; goodbye!

[Laughter]

Kelly: Oh, my question is, how long is it going to take until we have, like, our first COVID-19 quarantine romance novel? Like, because I know that, like –

Sarah: Like ten minutes ago.

Laura: Ten minutes ago.

Kelly: Right? Like, I for sure have read some fanfiction already that’s, like, trying to make quarantine sexy.

[Crosstalk]

Laura: I, I, I think, I started to write something to, like, as a, something for my newsletter so that, like a scene of, like, one of my couples and what they’re doing in quarantine –

Kelly: Mm!

Laura: – but they’re, like, already together, so it’s just, like, no –

Sarah: That’s cute! I like that idea!

Laura: Thank you! Yeah, I like it too. I mean, it’s really fun. It’s really just my own dystopian fantasies that I just projected onto a couple.

Kelly: Perfect!

Laura: [Laughs] Yeah.

Kelly: Perfect! We need that! We need that at this time.

Laura: Yeah.

Sarah: I just found one: Don’t Fcking Kiss Me: A Quarantine-Themed Bonus Novella –

[Laughter]

Sarah: – Katherine Evans. I like that one; that’s a really good title.

Kelsey: That’s a great title!

Sarah: Yeah, I’m, I’m a fan. I’m a fan.

Zoe: I feel like Chuck Tingle’s got to write something.

Laura: Oh, totally.

Sarah: Oh, you know there’s going to be a Tingler.

Guest: Yeah, there has to be.

Kelsey: What would be, what would be your, like, romance quarantine novella title if you ladies wrote one?

Zoe: Oooh.

Laura: Well, I was trying to figure out what to name my scene and, like, I couldn’t, ‘cause I was like, “Love in the Time of COVID” is going to be taken, so I’m not –

Zoe: Yeah.

Laura: – going to, like, yeah.

Zoe: Everybody’s –

Laura: Yeah.

Zoe: – everybody’s – that one, like, rolls right off the tongue, you know? [Laughs]

Laura: Yeah, yeah.

Kelsey: It’s a good one, though! [Laughs]

Laura: Yeah.

Sarah: Corona-lingus.

Laura: Oooh!

Kelly: Yeaahh!

Laura: That’s good!

Kelly: There we go! That’s what I like to hear!

Sarah: “The End of Social Distancing.”

[Laughter, crosstalk]

Kelsey: I throw in my, I throw this out –

[Laughter]

Laura: And I’m like, I was going to try to make, like, a mermaid pun, but I haven’t, like, gotten that, like, I don’t know, no.

Zoe: Something, something in the sea, like fish in the sea, more fish in the sea.

Laura: Yeah.

Zoe: Something –

Laura: Yeah.

Zoe: But I don’t know.

Sarah: “Putting the Big D in COVID.”

[Laughter]

Kelsey: My God, Sarah! It’s like you’re a professional!

Laura: [Laughs] Yeah!

Sarah: Yeah, yeah, oh yeah, real, oh yeah.

Kelly: I think mine is not going to come out as well, but it would be something like, “Send Me Pizza and Maybe We’ll Talk.”

Laura: Yeah.

[Laughter]

Sarah: That’s very romantic.

Kelsey: Like, like, “Speed Away or We’re Together Forever.”

Laura: Yeah. Oh! You know what would be a good one? ‘Cause people, there’s those memes that are like, you know, pretend like you’re in a Jane Austen movie and you can’t, like, get close to –

Kelsey: Oh yeah!

Laura: And it would be, and it would just be like, no, we mustn’t!

[Laughter]

Kelsey: No, we mustn’t.

Laura: No, we mustn’t! Yeah! [Laughs]

Sarah: “Together Apart.”

Laura: Yes. Oh, that’s a heartfelt, like, so you’re walking on a beach kind of one with a dog and a beach chair? That’s good.

[Crosstalk]

Kelsey: That’s a Hallmark –

Kelly: It’s where they wave to each other from across the beach. [Laughs]

Laura: Yes. That is so good. I did, so what, my prediction, I have a prediction for beauty trends, but they will also go into romance, ‘cause I was thinking, like, in New York now they’re telling us to wear, like, face masks all the time?

Sarah: I made some today!

[Crosstalk]

Kelsey: – everywhere.

Laura: Yeah, and I was like, oh, like, you need different skin care, ‘cause it’s, like, get, if it’s hot, it’s going to get sweaty, and then I was like, oh, beau-, like, all the beauty trends will be like a bold eye instead of a bold lip?

Kelly: Oooh!

Laura: And, and my friend was like, and my friend was telling me, she’s like, yeah, I live in Dubai, and, like, people will get professionally makeup done because they’re already wearing, like, a face covering, so they have their eye makeup done –

Sarah: Yeah!

Laura: – professionally and then go to the mall. And I was like, yeah, that’s, like, we’re just going to, sorry, we’re going to probably just borrow that. And then I was like –

Sarah: All those, all those paper masks?

Laura: Yes.

Sarah: Like the Korean beauty masks?

Laura: Yes!

Sarah: They’re just going to be –

Laura: Be like –

Sarah: – like, here and –

Laura: Yes!

Sarah: – legitimately walk out of the house wearing them.

[Laughter]

Laura: Exactly, exactly. And then I was thinking, you know, only, like, your most intimate friends or family will see your lip color, so there’ll be this, like, whole, like, sexy reveal? Like, like, like, we wear a trench coat, open it, and it’s lingerie? Yes!

[Crosstalk]

Kelsey: – going to be the new ankle!

Laura: Yes, exactly! And it’s, it’s going to be like –

Sarah: Oh –

Laura: – it’s going to be like a code; like, do you take off your face mask? And if it’s a nude lip, you want to make out, and then if it’s a bold lip, you’re like, stay away; we mustn’t.

[Laughter]

Laura: Yes.

Kelly: Well, there’s, there’s the romance novella right there! You just wrote it!

Kelsey: Yeah!

Laura: Yeah.

Zoe: Yeah.

Laura: Yeah, like, the, the, like, the, like, I show up –

[Crosstalk]

Kelsey: If the mask, like, hits the wind and they can just see the outline of –

Zoe: Yeah!

[Crosstalk]

Kelsey: – he had a hard-on because he’s like, oh, I could just see the outline of her lips?

[Laughter]

Laura: Yeah.

Sarah: Is she winking, or is it just pollen?

Laura: Yeah! Oh my God!

[Laughter]

Laura: And then you’d be like, does that guy have a beard? I don’t even know!

[Laughter]

Sarah: He does now!

Laura: Yeah. He does now.

[Crosstalk]

Sarah: He does now!

Kelsey: – ‘cause you can’t get a good seal with a beard.

Laura: Ohhh!

Kelsey: I say that to my husband till he has a beard, and that beard’s not going away.

[Laughter]

Kelsey: So what are you all doing, like, to keep yourselves sane while you’re home? Like, what are your, what are your sanity, you know, trying to keep your life normal tips for yourself or for others? ‘Cause I’ve got a couple, so I was curious what everybody else has.

Sarah: Oh, I want to hear yours!

Laura: Yeah, I want to hear yours.

Kelly: Yeah!

Kelsey: Okay, so. Thanks. No, I’m just kidding.

[Laughter]

Kelsey: But, so actually, the first one is actually thanks to Kelly! Because Kelly recommended dancing with Mark K. – I can’t pronounce his last name [Kanemura] –

Kelly: Yes!

Kelsey: – on Instagram? He’s a guy that was on So You Think You Can Dance – I’ve totally watched every season of So You Think You Can Dance, not recent ones, but the old ones, so I saw his season – and he was also one of Lady Gaga’s backup dancers, and every single day of the week for the last three weeks, at 2 p.m., Mark does a live dance session for twenty minutes.

Kelly: It’s –

Kelsey: – and –

Kelly: – so much fun!

Kelsey: It is. It’s gotten me, like, up and doing exercise, which I haven’t been for the past few months ‘cause I haven’t been feeling so great, and so, like, it just, like, it’s so fun. You don’t – and he’s, like, so positive, and he’s always like, you’re here! Every new breath is like a chance to start over! Like, you’re doing great! He’s, like, so, so positive, so fun, and then he usually does, like, a warm-up which is pretty easy, and then he’ll do a dance, and everything is, like, sets of four, and it’s simple things like, you know, this and this –

Kelly: Yeah.

Kelsey: – and you can totally dance along with him, but it’s like, it is a workout, and it’s fun, and it’s, like, great music, and then, like, at the end it’s just like a dance party for a song usually, and it’s –

Kelly: So fun.

Kelsey: – so fun! Are you actually dancing along with him? I mean, I’ve literally, like –

Kelly: Yeah.

Kelsey: – the last seven days, I have done it, so, like, thank you for turning me onto that, and it is, like –

Kelly: Oh, I’m so glad you like it! Yeah, most days I do it too, and he’s very chill about it, too. Like, he’ll say, you know, follow my moves if you want, or else just, like, dance your ass off! Whatever! And then at the end, he throws on a wig and, you know, throws –

Kelsey:  Oh, yeah.

Kelly: – confetti in the air like a boss, and it’s so much fun. It just definitely, it’s, I love that it’s in the middle of the day, too. Like, it’s 2 p.m. Pacific, so –

Kelsey: Yes!

Kelly: – 5 p.m. Eastern, and it just definitely gives you nice, a nice little boost.

Sarah: Totally.

Kelsey: I have had so much fun dancing with him. Like, he is a bright spot of my day, and because he does something a little different every day, it’s, it’s new, and so you always are like, well, what song is it going to be today? Or what dance? And yesterday I encountered a dance that I’d done already with him, and I was like, yeah, I know this one! Like, I’m rocking out to this!

[Crosstalk, laughter]

Kelsey: So yeah, I really, I, I really can’t recommend it more, and if you just, like, search, like, March, Mark K Instagram dancing, like, a bunch of articles will pop up and –

Sarah: I can say, though, one of the things that I learned from the book Burnout by Emily and Amelia Nagoski, who also do the Feminist Survival Project 2020 podcast, which is part of the Frolic Network, is that dancing and getting up and moving around actually completes the stress cycle of your body?

Guest: Ohhh!

Sarah: So that your, your body has a – I didn’t know this until I read this book, but your body has a process that it goes to when it re-, when it reacts to stress, and there’s all these chemicals and things that go up and down, and that’s part of what, you know, where the fight or flight, like, response comes from –

Kelsey: Mm-hmm.

Sarah: – but –

Guest: Oh!

Sarah: – so if you’re having, like, a really stressful day at work, and then you deal with the person who’s giving you stress, you, you have dealt with the cause of the stress, you’ve dealt with that person, but you haven’t dealt with the stress in your body? But getting up to dance or take a walk or make something or just, you know, dance around your kitchen, that actually completes the stress cycle of your body and gives you all these nice, lovely chemicals with which to, like, bathe your brain with joy? So that, so the idea that it helps is, like, totally scientifically grounded, which I think is so great, because I need a reason to dance around my kitchen like a complete goober. Like every –

[Crosstalk]

Kelsey: Yeah!

Zoe: It’s legit.

Kelly: A hundred percent has, like, definitely improved my mood, you know?

Sarah: Boost!

Guest: Yep!

Kelly: And even, like I said, even if you’re not a dancer or anything like that, like, it’s all just moves anybody can do. Also, he’ll post videos of all the kids doing his dance videos?

Kelsey: I’ve seen some of the videos. I saw his story, and he was, like, posting, like, everyone who did it. You see the kids, and they’re so into it, and I was like –

Kelly: Yeah!

Kelsey: – look at these precious angels! [Laughs] It’s so cute.

Kelly: Entire families do it –

Laura: Ohhh!

Kelly: – and, like, you know, me and my roommate have done it several times. It’s so much fun. It just, you know, it’s like –

Sarah: Aww!

[Crosstalk]

Kelly: – again, you want them social happy!

Kelsey: – should be, like, between fifteen hundred and twenty-five hundred people watching the live story and doing it with him every day.

Kelly: Mm-hmm.

Kelsey: Like, it’s a large group. So he’s @mkik808 on Instagram.

Laura: Ohhh! I know that guy.

[Crosstalk]

Laura: Okay, yeah.

Kelly: So join us and dance!

[Crosstalk]

Kelsey: Yeah! So that’s, that’s my tip number, like my top tip, because, like, even if you don’t dance, watching him is also a joy. Like, you will feel, you will feel –

Kelly: Yeah.

Kelsey: – happiness after watching. But I also, like, did little things where it’s like, you know, I made 3 p.m. milk and cookies hour every day on my work day?

Guest: Oooh!

Zoe: Oh my gosh, I love it!

Kelsey: So it’s this, it’s just a time of my day to be like, get up, go have something like a sweet treat, change up your routine, you know. Like, you need a snack then anyway, so, like, it was milk and cookies the first week, and then last week I made cupcakes, and who knows what I’ll make this week, but even if it’s –

Sarah: That’s –

Kelsey: – like a piece of fruit –

Sarah: – awesome.

Kelsey: – you know? Just, just something to, like, look forward to. [Laughs] So –

Zoe: That’s so much fun!

Kelsey: Yeah.

I’m sorry, ladies. I have to go, because I have to have a Zoom meeting with my family.

Everyone else: Aww!

Sarah: Say hello to your whole family! Thank you for joining!

Kelsey: Sor-, yes, thanks!

Sarah: It’s so lovely to see you!

Kelsey: It was so lovely to see you guys and talk with you guys, and you’ve really, like, made this hour spectacular, and I hope you –

Sarah: Yay!

Kelsey: – continue your great conversation, but I’m going to go spread the joy to the rest of my family.

Sarah: Please do!

Kelly: Awesome! Spread that joy!

Zoe: Bye, Kels.

Laura: I have, like, comfort pro tips that – so the first, the first is, like, a reading thing, so Ice Planet Barbarians is my, my comfort read, by Ruby Dixon, and I haven’t read the whole series, because every time I read one I’m like, I have to save the next one for, like, in case of emergency, and then I was like –

Sarah: [Laughs] In case of emergency, break glass!

Laura: – oh my God, we’re an emergency! We are an emergency! But then I still, like, wasn’t buying the next one that I hadn’t read, because I was like, I don’t how long this is going to go on, so I’ll just reread, and then if I feel like, like I need the next one, then it’s like, okay, I still have it. And she has like twenty million books, so I’m, I’m like, I’m fine; I’ve got time. Like, we’re, we’re good.

But I’ve been rereading that, and then I also started reading a book about there, about the, it’s the four horsemen, and they are paired with, like, human women, and the four, so –

Sarah: Oh, the Thalassa series

Laura: Yeah, yeah!

Kelly: I saw that too!

Laura: It’s Laura Thalassa. Yeah! And so it’s, it’s, Pestilence is the first book, and I was like, this is now the time to read this, and it’s been, like, really helping me because I’m like, Pestilence is just doing his job. Like, he has one job, and it’s disease! Like, he can’t help it, you know? Like, that’s just his thing! And so, like, and also, like, the, his plague sounds way worse than what’s happening, so I’m like, we’re fine. And also, Pestilence is going to, like, he’s going to catch feelings and have humanity, and then everybody will be healed!

Guest: Yeah.

Laura: Like, it’s totally fine. So that book is really helping me; it was, like, my spiritual zen of, like, Pestilence is just going to Pestilence. Like, it happens!

[Laughter]

Kelsey: I love that!

Sarah: I do want to say, though, if anyone is listening and is thinking about reading it, that book is, has a lot of content and trigger warnings in terms of –

Laura: Yes!

Sarah: – of violence. Like, he –

Laura: Yeah.

Sarah: – there’s a, there’s a violence threshold that, that you, you kind of have to be ready for.

Kelly: I was not prepared.

Laura: That part was something surprising me. Yeah, I was, like –

Kelly: Yeah, I was not prepared.

Laura: – oh, it’s the end times, which also –

Sarah: Yeah.

Laura: – for me, because I am, like, a light, in comparison I feel okay, but yes, it’s very violent, so –

Sarah: Yes. I want to make sure to say that.

Laura: – don’t read that if that’s going to be a problem. But if –

Sarah: Right.

Laura: – if you have a dark sense of humor and you’re comforted by, like, weird comparisons, like, I’m, I’m enjoying, like, sexy Pestilence. I don’t know. I don’t know why that’s –

Kelly: Really!

Laura: – no other time would I be into it, but I’m like, I’m into sexy Pestilence right now! [Laughs]

Kelly: Hey, I mean, that’s awesome, though! I liked that book a lot too.

Laura: Yeah. But then the other thing that I think is funny, ‘cause I’m like, I’m like, how, like, how will I grow as a person during this time? Will I grow as a person? And, and I live near Battery Park, and I, my plant identification extends to flower versus tree versus bush, and that’s, like, as deep level as I go, but now, like, I’m walking to the park and I’m like, have a plant app, and I’m taking photos, and I’m, like, identifying their genus and their species and, like – [laughs] – I’m, I’m now like an amateur botanist, and I’m like, this is –

[Crosstalk]

Kelly: Love it!

Sarah: But that’s such a good anxiety technique!

Kelly: Exactly! It’s awesome!

[Crosstalk]

Sarah: – a good anxiety technique, it’s going to help you identify, like, what are you looking at? What is happening –

Laura: Yes.

Sarah: – and, I mean, like you were saying, I think it was, was, Zoe and Kelsey were talking about how all of the spring showed up at once?

Laura: Yes.

Sarah: Yeah, I’m outside DC, and the same thing happened: we had hardly any winter. Spring rolled up way early; like, you could see the pollen on the cars. If your car was blue, it is now green! Surprise! It, just noticing the change of the seasons is so helpful, so what a cool idea!

Laura: Yeah, I mean, it’s really, I mean, I’m just a botanist now –

Guest: Yeah.

Laura: – and I downloaded a PDF from the Battery Park website –

Sarah: [Laughs] I’m just a botanist now!

Laura: Yeah! I just am! And I’m like, oh yeah, this is a Turkish Glory of the Snow, but that is a Greek Glory of the Snow, just so you guys know, okay? [Laughs]

Kelly: Hairclip.

Laura: Yeah, but there’s one tree, there’s one tree that I cannot identify, and it’s like, every time I take a picture of it, it tells me it’s a dicot, and I don’t know what a dicot is, because I think it’s like a super, super, like, like it’s all, many shrubs fall under that category, and so I, I can’t –

Zoe: Take, take that tree picture –

Laura: Yeah.

Zoe: – and put it on Reddit. There’s a subreddit called whatplantisthis.

Laura: Ohhh!

Sarah: Whatplantisthis; I was –

Zoe: – have the answer in, like, a minute. [Laughs]

Sarah: – just thinking that.

Zoe: Yeah.

Kelly: I feel like I’m so out of the loop when it comes to plants! [Laughs]

Laura: Well, I mean –

Sarah: She’s a botanist now! Just ask her!

Laura: I’m a botanist now. I’m just a botanist –

Sarah: Just ask Laura!

Laura: – now, guys, yeah. Just –

Kelly: Yeah. I’m, like, guilty, I’m that person that, like, will kill a succulent, so it’s, I, I wish that I could have more plants in my life? Like, I do –

Laura: Same here.

Kelly: – but –

Laura: I have killed every plant in my apartment, but out-, outside, someone else takes care of them, so I can identify them.

Kelly: That’s a good point! That’s –

Laura: Yeah.

Kelly: Maybe this is a good tradeoff is that I can enjoy the plants and learn things, but also, that’s not my job.

Laura: Oh yeah, it’s like, someone else is the gardener, and I’m just, like, getting to be like, well, actually – [laughs] – your plant –

Zoe: I love that!

Kelly: I’ve been like, my, like, survival technique is, like, to try to keep things, like, as normal as possible? Like, I know that that’s not possible for a lot of people for a lot of reasons, but for me, I live off of, like, lists, like to-do lists, my calendar, and everything. Like, it just, it gives me a sense of my – [laughs] – a sense of peace, and so I’ve been, like, making a list like once a week and just sort of like checking things off, and, you know, if they don’t get checked off, they move on to the next list, so that’s been kind of my way. And then watching a lot of things that I just, you know, haven’t – I, I guess I’ve been more in a watching mood than a reading mood –

Laura: Mm-hmm, yeah, that’s –

Kelly: – lately, which is, I, I, we’re, I feel like that’s weird, ‘cause, like, I read all the time, you know, for the podcast, and I have friends who are like, now I have opportunities to read for the first time in so long, and I have those opportunities too, and I, I’ve been doing a lot of rereading, but I think I’m at the point where I’ve kind of settled in to quarantine a little bit, so I did download like seven new books on my Kindle yesterday, so –

Sarah: Nice!

Kelly: – I’m ready to read.

Sarah: That’s awesome!

Laura: Sarah, what about you?

Sarah: My technique is to do, as much as possible, do what I feel like I doing. If I feel like playing a videogame, I’m going to go play a videogame.

Kelly: Yep.

Sarah: If I feel like changing what we’re having for dinner and making something much more comforting, I’m going to do that. If I, I make sure that, and I work out as much as I possibly can. Like, I try not to skip a workout –

Guest: Good for you.

Sarah: – just – and if you would like a music recommendation, Dua Lipa’s new album Future Nostalgia is so –

Laura: Ohhh!

Kelly: It’s so good!

Kelly and Sarah: So good!

Sarah: It, her whole goal was to make it like a Jazzercise class, so it is perfect for, like –

Kelly: I would go to that class.

Sarah: I would go to that class.

Zoe: Okay –

Sarah: She is so good.

Zoe: So I was watching The Voice, and she was one of the, like –

Sarah: Yes!

Zoe: – coaches on it? And I was like, who is she? Like, I’ve never –

[Laughter]

Zoe: – ever heard of her. I was like, I’m sure I’ve, like, heard whatever songs, but, like –

Sarah: Yep.

Zoe: – because I don’t even listen to the radio, I just listen to podcasts or Hamilton – [laughs] – I was like –

Guest: Yeah!

Zoe: – who’s this girl? But, like, Jazzercise-type, ‘80s-influenced a little bit, like, that is my jam, so –

Sarah: Oh, you’re going to love this.

Zoe: – I’m going to have to check out her new album.

Sarah: It’s so good.

[Crosstalk]

Sarah: I have, and I don’t listen to albums, like, start to finish. I have been listening to this on repeat just because it’s so much fun, and if it gets stuck in my head I’m not annoyed? So Dua Lipa, Future Nostalgia, is one thing.

And then I also make sure that I take a walk every day. I have to, I have to walk my dogs anyway, and I’m allowed to do that, and I, we know the routes where we can go where we won’t run into people, so I go outside for a walk every day, and it really helps me, because I’m forced to slow down, and I can’t do a lot of things while I’m walking. I just either – [laughs] – as I said during our seminar, when someone’s listening to your podcast, they are also probably picking up poop, because that’s what people do when they walk their dogs, they’re listening to podcasts. So I have the oppor- – 

Kelly: True!

Sarah: Yeah, it’s totally true! Podcast, poop bag. You just, you have to have both. So I, I get to go out and walk and slow down and notice that, you know, the world is continuing to grow and change, and the trees are pretty, and the pollen is everywhere, but I get outside, which is the other thing that I make sure, like, bottom line, I do. And I am also, I’m also baking a lot, which is good, ‘cause I have –

Zoe: Yeah!

Sarah: – I have teenagers, and then they eat all the, all of the stuff, which is great, ‘cause then I don’t eat it all.

Zoe: Well, and like you mentioned with the whole dance being like a process to, like, process –

Sarah: Yeah.

Zoe: – your, what did you say, your anxiety or –

Sarah: Process, complete your stress cycle. It’s from the movie – or the –

Zoe: Your stress cycle.

Sarah: – the book, the book – Burnout by Emily and Amelia Nagoski.

Zoe: Yeah. I’ve read lots of really good things about how baking, like, makes you –

Sarah: Yeah!

Zoe: – feel fantastic, and I know that it’s hard for, to find some of the ingredients some places, but, I mean, you know, I’ve got a cake mix in the cupboard, so who knows?

Sarah: See, when it, I’ll tell you one funny thing before we go? My neighbor, so we’ve all been texting each other on, on my street, like I’m going to Costco, I’m going to Safeway, what do you need? Can I get you something? Does anyone have this? And my neighbor, her brother was like, I can’t find flour. I really want to bake, and I cannot find flour, so her husband was at Costco. He’s like, oh, I found flour; I think it’s a twenty-five-pound bag. She’s like, okay, that’s fine. We’ll, we’ll figure it out. And he’s like, okay, sure, no problem! Brings home the flour, and she goes out to the car, and I hear, Sarah, do you need some flour?

[Laughter]

Sarah: And I was like, not really! What’s wrong? And I go over. It’s a fifty-pound bag –

Guest: [Gasps]

Sarah: – of flour that he bought. It is as big as I am. It was massive, and she’s, like, standing there with two bags of white powder, like that’s not suspicious! She’s like, do, do you want some, do you want some flour? You can have some flour if you would like, ‘cause I have fifty pounds of flour. [Laughs] So now we are –

Zoe: Take it. You take that flour.

Sarah: – we are alll baking on this street. Like, I’ll just, like, I’ll give you sugar, you give me vanilla, but the flour, we’re covered. We’re totally covered. All of us had –

Kelly: Yeah!

Sarah: – big bags of white powder on the porch! [Laughs] We’re super cool here!

Zoe: I have to say, if anything good has come out of this, I feel like there’s definitely a great sense of community amongst a lot of people. Like, I know, I know we read stories about people, like, rioting places too, but I feel like I’ve read so many more positive stories and, like, heard testimonies from people just about how everyone’s being a lot more understanding because we’re all in the same circumstances right now.

Sarah: Yeah, yeah. Well, I mean, look at us!

[Crosstalk]

Laura: Here we are!

Sarah: Here we all are!

Laura: The Frolic Podcast Network hanging out!

Sarah: Yaaay!

Laura: Which I think is a good way to wrap it up, right? So we, like, are here –

Sarah: Awesome!

Laura: – together, and now you’ve heard our lovely voices and want to listen to all our podcasts and –

Sarah: Obviously! All right, so starting with Laura –

Laura: Yeah.

Sarah: – where can people find your podcast?

Laura: You can find me, Laura von Holt, at The Mermaid Podcast at mermaidpodcast.com.

Sarah: Awesome!

Laura: So easy! [Laughs]

Sarah: Awesome! Kelly, what about you?

Kelly: You can find Boobies & Noobies @boobiespodcast on Instagram and Twitter. We’ve got a Facebook page, and I am launching boobiesandnoobies.com this month.

Laura: Yeess! Okay.

Sarah: I just want you to know, when I was a guest on your show it said on my calendar “Hold boobies.”

Kelly: Yeess!

Sarah: My husband was like, what, what are we doing?

[Laughter]

Sarah: What, what’s this about?

Kelly: Hold ‘em. Never let go.

Sarah: Do I need to explain that one? You just hold them up! [Laughs] He’s –

Zoe and, and, and Kelsey in absentia, where could people find you?

Zoe: We are Tea & Strumpets, and you can find us on our website, which is romancepod.com, or – I know, yeah, premium domain. No, I’m kidding – [laughs] –

Sarah: Yes.

Zoe: That or on social media we are at T as in Tom, N as in Nancy, strumpets, @tnstrumpets.

Laura: And if you don’t remember all that, you can also find all of us at frolic.media/podcasts and find all the other podcasts that are in the network.

Sarah: That’s right!

Kelly: Yeah!

Sarah: That’s absolutely true!

Laura: So easy!

Kelly: Our Frolic fam! Yeah!

Sarah: Yay!

Zoe: But Sarah!

Sarah: Oh yeah!

Laura: Oh, Sarah, go ahead, sorry!

Sarah: I’m at Smart Podcast, you can find Smart Podcast, Trashy Books in any podcatcher, and I’m always at smartbitchestrashybooks.com. Thank you, Laura!

Laura: Oh my gosh! Thank you for being part of my covert wartime network!

[Laughter]

[music]

Sarah: And that brings us to the end of our four hundredth episode. Thank you to Laura von Holt from The Mermaid Podcast, to Kelly from Boobies & Noobies, and to Zoe and Kelsey from Tea & Strumpets for hanging out and creating such a goofy, goofy episode.

If you would like to find more excellent podcasts, I will have links to all of theirs, plus you can find the complete network at frolic.media/podcasts.

I am curious what you are reading or doing or joke-telling. What’s getting you through? Please tell me; I would love to know. You can email me at sbjpodcast@gmail.com. I do love hearing from you, because you guys have really great techniques for pretty much managing everything.

I will have links to all of the books we talked about, all of the Instagram feeds. I found a whole thread on ranch dressing on pizza? This is more of a thing than I realized, and I, I feel like a whole new world has opened up to me, so I will have links to everything you need to know about that as well in the show notes at smartbitchestrashybooks.com/podcast.

And as always, I end with a really bad joke. Now, it is a holiday weekend. It is Passover, it is about to be Easter, so here is your terrible, terrible joke:

How does Jesus make coffee?

How does Jesus make coffee?

He brews it.

[Laughs] So dumb!

On behalf of all of us, we wish you a very, very lovely weekend. Please stay safe and chill as much as possible, and as always, we wish you the very, very best of reading.

Smart Podcast, Trashy Books and all the other podcasts on this episode are part of the Frolic Podcast Network. You can find outstanding podcasts to subscribe to at frolic.media/podcasts.

[music]