Amanda, Carrie, Elyse, Redheadedgirl and I look forward to many, many things in 2018, most of them books. Amanda has a recommendation for a book she really liked that came out on January 2, but I made her wait for the 2018 podcast because I’m terrible. We take a quick glance at the current rankings of the Chris list, Redheadedgirl takes a look at the movies she’s very much looking forward to, and we discuss the best options at Michael’s to keep your collection of hearts on display. And then, Linus, Amanda’s cat, makes his first very quiet guest appearance.
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This Episode's Music
One more holiday song? YES!
All the music in this episode is by Deviations Project from their holiday album Adeste Fiddles.
This is Lieutenant Kiji by Sergei Prokofiev. You can find this album at Amazon.
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Sarah Wendell: Hello, and Happy New Year! Welcome to episode number 280 of Smart Podcast, Trashy Books. I’m Sarah Wendell from Smart Bitches, Trashy Books. With me today are Amanda and Carrie, Elyse, and Redheadedgirl, and we are looking ahead to what’s coming up in 2018. Most of the things that we’re looking forward to are books. Amanda has a recommendation for a book that she really liked that just came out, but I made her wait until the 2018 podcast to talk about it because I am a terrible person. We also take a quick look at current rankings of the Chris List, Redheadedgirl takes a look at the movies she’s looking forward to seeing, and we discuss the best options at Michaels, should you wish to keep your collection of hearts on display; these are important questions. Plus, as a special bonus, Linus, Amanda’s cat, makes his very first, very quiet guest appearance.
Now the first person to talk about a book they’re looking forward to is Amanda, and I want to give you a mild content warning that the book that she is discussing does involve a school shooting, so if that’s something that you would be sensitive towards, you might want to hit thirty-second skip a couple times and jump forward.
Now if you’ve got questions or ideas or you want to make a request or you want to ask us a question or you want to just tell us all the things, I love this plan; you should totally do it. You can contact us at [email protected] or Sarah with an H at smartbitchestrashybooks.com [[email protected]]. Both end up in the same place. You can also record a voice memo and email it to me if you would like to tell us about a book you are really, really excited about for 2018. I would love to hear from you. You’re going to sound great, so please share with us what you’re looking forward to this year. There’s a lot to look forward to.
This episode is being brought to you by Sirens & Scales, a unique urban fantasy and paranormal romance collection, twenty-six tales of enchantment and danger in one collection. From the darkest skies to the deepest seas, dive into a breathtaking collision of mermaids, dragons, sirens, and more. Your travels through these stories of dazzling ocean tides and the dizzying reaches of the heavens will leave you breathless. Join dragon shifters and mer creatures for an experience of salty seafaring adventures and magnificent airborne enterprises where sky meets sea, love meets its match, and imagination has no end. With twenty-six full-length stories of enchanting fiction, you will learn the secrets of Atlantis, you’ll soar to uncharted peaks, and you’ll discover creatures of wing and fin and those who love them. Ready to set sail and catch the tide before your chance for adventure is lost forever? Then order this collection of brand-new and exclusive material from your favorite USA Today and award-winning authors before it is gone for good. Sirens & Scales is a limited edition urban fantasy collection, and it’s available now for a very limited time at 99 cents. I have links in the podcast entry for you, so head over to smartbitchestrashybooks.com/podcast, and I have all of the links for this collection. And thank you to the authors of Sirens & Scales for sponsoring this episode.
Now I have options, should you be wishing to promote your fantastic books or your favorite pair of slippers or whatever else you want to tell the internet about. The rest of January is available for sponsorships for both the podcast and the transcript, so email me if you’re curious. And yes, that means we do not have a sponsor for the transcript for this episode, but do not worry. A transcript will magically, deliciously appear, because we want every episode to be accessible to everyone in every format, so if you would like to sponsor an episode or a transcript, please email me; I would love to hear from you.
Now it’s time for one of my favorite things: compliments. Yay! Okay.
To Ellen, this compliment is for you: Whenever someone sees you as a suggested friend on any social media, their immediate response is excitement and utter delight, because you are that great.
And to Elizabeth H.: A recent survey of underground gnomes has revealed that the top three words to describe you are “enchanting,” “charming,” and “wondrous.”
Now if you would like a compliment of your very own, you can totally have one! Head over to patreon.com/SmartBitches. For monthly pledges beginning with as little as one dollar a month, you are making a massive difference in the show, and at certain reward levels you get compliments. The first place I go for recommendation requests would be the Patreon page. When you make a monthly pledge, you are helping the show, you’re helping me commission transcripts, and you’re helping the podcast grow into the new year. We are shaping the upcoming season, though I guess if I do one every week it’s not really a season so much as it is an episode every week all year. And we’re making the show better each week – at least I hope we are – so I hope you’ll make a pledge and join us.
And if that is not an option and you would like to help the show, I deeply appreciate that! You can leave a review wherever you listen. You can tell a friend, you can subscribe, and you can, you know, just randomly say, hey, are you listening to this awesome podcast, ‘cause you totally should. Actually, don’t do that; that would be really intrusive and I would feel terrible if someone yelled at you, but either way, thank you for hanging out with me each week.
I will have info at the end of the podcast about the music you’re listening to, and of course I will have a terrible joke, but in the meantime, let’s do this interview! Or group discussion. On with the podcast.
Sarah: Shall we turn to 2018?
Sarah: All right. Now, Amanda –
Sarah: – for 2018 –
Sarah: – I know that you have things that you want to talk about, ‘cause you were like, can I mention this in 2017? And I was like, no, so tell me: what are you looking forward to in 2018?
Amanda: I have three things!
Amanda: [Laughs] So one is Shadowsong by S. Jae-Jones, and that is the follow-up to Wintersong, which I reviewed this year and I believe was either January or February’s cocktail that I did? And it’s very heavily influenced by Labyrinth, and it could have worked as a standalone, but I didn’t get the ending that I wanted, so I was bummed out, and then I found out there was going to be a sequel, and I was very excited. So I’m super pumped to read that. I do have a galley of it. The cover is just as beautiful as the first book’s cover.
Sarah: What’s the name of this one?
Amanda: Shadowsong? And I’m also very excited for S. Jae-Jones’ –
Amanda: – future products. Have you, are you looking at it?
Sarah: The cover!
Amanda: Isn’t it beautiful?
Sarah: Oh, my gosh, it’s like poppies breaking out of a crystal ball with snow on it.
Amanda: Yes. And I’m just really excited to see what S. Jae-Jones does in the future. Her writing is really beautiful, and I know she acquired a book deal for a series after this that’s kind of like an East-Asian-inspired fantasy series that is very similar to Sailor Moon, where, like, four girls have, like, this elemental magic that they have to use together.
Sarah: What could possibly be wrong with that? This sounds great! [Laughs]
Amanda: Well, I’m just super excited about this follow-up and kind of her future projects because I’ve really enjoyed her writing, and I think Wintersong was her debut, and I was just very happy with it. So that’s at the top of my list.
Another one is Hot and Badgered by Shelly Laurenston, which comes out in –
Sarah: This is the honey badgers, right?
Amanda: Yeah, this is the honey badger shifter one. And it comes out in March from Kensington, and just the fact that it has, like, a honey badger shifter, I’m very excited. [Laughs]
Sarah: I’ve heard things about honey badgers.
Amanda: They’re grumpy!
Sarah: They don’t give a shit.
Amanda: They don’t! So I’m, I’m just excited ‘cause it sounds kind of fun, and I feel like, as a paranormal reader, sometimes it loses its fun. Like, it’s all, like, serious and doom-and-gloom and violence, and that doesn’t bother me, but sometimes I just want some fun stuff! And so that is one of them.
And then the last one, which I wanted to mention in 2017, but Sarah had some special rules that I couldn’t –
Sarah: Yeah, I’m horrible. Sorry!
Amanda: It literally comes out the second day of 2018. [Laughs]
Sarah: Hey, it counts on your taxes, it counts when you have a baby, it counts for the books, so bring it on.
Amanda: So it’s The Ones Who Got Away by Roni Loren, and it’s the first in a series, and mega content warning that it does deal with, they’re survivors of a school shooting that happened twelve years prior. I have read this one already, and it, it makes me speechless in a way, ‘cause it’s hard to talk about. It’s a very serious book. It’s very tense. Like, every page just feels so heavy. Like, like if, I wouldn’t say it physically may be uncomfortable, but you can just, like, feel the weight of, like, what happened to these people as you’re reading it. So I had to take a few breaks every so often because it, it does deal with some heavy subject matter. But, and I was talking about this with Sarah, that I was worried it would feel very gimmicky, and I don’t think it did. With gun violence the way it is now, I feel as though it’s reasonable that a person just going about their daily life would probably meet someone who has been affected by gun violence, so it didn’t seem like it would be out of the ordinary for these people to exist and kind of have this really tragic tie between them. And the premise is that, like, a documentary filmmaker is doing a video on the twelfth anniversary, and all these proceeds go towards, you know, the families of the victims and, like, charities and organizations that deal with gun violence, so, I mean, the setup of why these people are kind of getting back together makes sense.
Sarah: Is the romance between someone who survived and another survivor?
Amanda: Yes! It’s between two survivors.
Sarah: Whoa, that is heavy.
Amanda: Essentially, these two individuals, it – so the, the shooting took place during prom night, and the hero had gone –
Amanda: Yeah – the hero had gone with someone else, but, like, the girl was kind of from, like, the wrong side of the tracks, and he was, like, a football star, but he had gone to the prom with someone else, and they had, like, snuck into a closet to argue and then have angry kissing, and that’s when the shooting happened, and then when that happened, he ran out because he was worried about his date who was still in the gym, leaving her in the closet by himself, by herself. So there’s –
Amanda: – some feeling that, you know, are unresolved. I mean, to be honest –
Sarah: I have unresolved feelings, and I’m just listening to you!
Amanda: But I kind –
Carrie: Yeah, that, that’s too much –
Amanda: Yeah, it’s a really heavy book, but I kind of like, to be honest, I kind of like that the hero, you know, had some allegiance to his date. Like, he wasn’t being a jerk, you know. He was really worried about her, and I believe his date at the prom –
Sarah: And it’s, it’s heavy, but it’s, it’s heavy in a way that I understand. Like, it’s entirely –
Sarah: – plausible. I get it.
Amanda: And the hero’s prom date is the heroine of the next book. So she survived, and I also liked that when they first meet each other again as adults, they kind of, like, the heroine wants nothing to do with the hero. She’s like, this is bringing up a lot of feelings that I didn’t want to address, and I’m going to leave; goodbye.
Amanda: So I, I mean, like I said, it’s a very tense read, not going to be for everyone, but I really liked it. It’s a very unique reading experience, and even though I read it, it’s still a really great book in 2018, and I’m sure I’ll give it another read before 2019 shows up.
Sarah: That sounds really intense.
Amanda: It is.
Sarah: Who’s next with 2018 and things that they are looking forward to?
Redheadedgirl: Hmm, yeah.
Carrie: Black Panther!
Amanda: Ooh, good call!
Sarah: Yeah, there is that!
Carrie: That’s, that’s really all I’ve got. Like, I don’t know the plot, I don’t know what date –
Redheadedgirl: It’s February.
Carrie: – I’m going to be like, oh, hey, Black Panther!
Carrie: That’s what I’ve got.
Sarah: Yep, here for you.
Elyse: Did you guys know that there’s, did you know there’s another Jurassic Park movie coming out in 2018?
Redheadedgirl: I chose to ignore it.
Carrie: Yes. Jeff Goldblum is in it for, like, thirty seconds.
Elyse: Why? Why?
Carrie: Because they paid him giant bags of money –
Elyse: No, no, why –
Carrie: – I assume. I’m sure they were like, here, thank you for your thirty seconds of time. Have this big bag of money.
Elyse: Jeff Goldblum’s a fucking delight, and he can be in whatever he wants to be, but, like, why is there another Jurassic Park movie? I feel like we’ve learned the lesson –
Carrie: Because the last one made shit-tons of money.
Sarah: Not here, either. It made shit-tons overseas.
Carrie: Even the crappy – well, I should say crappier – even, like, they, they all have made shit-tons of money.
Carrie: They all have, even though in real life as – I believe it was A.V. Club pointed out, so I apologize thoroughly in advance if I’m not correcting the right person – as they pointed out, every Jurassic World movie should be somebody going to Jeff Goldblum and saying, hey, I’m thinking about going to Jurassic Park, and then he would say, hell, no, don’t do that; there’re dinosaurs there and they’ll totally eat you. Believe me, I know. And then the person would say, ooh, okay, maybe not. And that would be the end!
Carrie: But that, that’s not how the movies go, because they, they make huge wads of money.
Redheadedgirl: So I can barely, like, keep up on what books are coming out next month, much less next year.
Carrie: Next month is next year –
Redheadedgirl: It –
Carrie: – so this is your lucky podcast.
Redheadedgirl: You know what I mean, Carrie. You know what I mean.
Carrie: [Laughs] I do! I’m in, I’m in the same boat, actually. I don’t know what’s coming up next year. Black Panther!
Redheadedgirl: Looking at the list of movies coming out, we have A Wrinkle in Time in March.
Sarah: Oh, it’s going to be so good.
Redheadedgirl: Which looks amazing and stars currently number two Chris: Pine.
Elyse: Oh. Is he two, or is he one now?
Redheadedgirl: Hemsworth is rid-, is still riding the Ragnarok tie.
Elyse: Eh. I don’t know; I feel like after Wonder Woman –
Carrie: No, no, Chris Evans is, will always be number one, because he’s Captain America in real life on Twitter.
Redheadedgirl: Until I see him punch a Nazi in, like, actually punch a Nazi –
Redheadedgirl: – then, then he can maybe have the permanent number one spot, but there’s always movement on the Chris List, except for –
Elyse: Fuck Pratt.
Redheadedgirl: – the number four slot, which is always Pratt.
Elyse: He’s not even four; like, he is, he’s down near, like, ninety.
Redheadedgirl: He’s, like, 1904.
Sarah: Four below.
Carrie: We have been blessed in general with the Chrises –
Redheadedgirl: We have.
Carrie: – more or less.
Redheadedgirl: Anyway –
Redheadedgirl: – A Wrinkle in Time in March. The Incredibles 2, which I’m hopeful for, and Ocean’s 8.
Sarah: Oh, God, I saw a picture of that in EW and was like, I did not know how much I wanted this! Holy shit!
Redheadedgirl: And now I want all of it right now! And Mary Poppins Returns is next Christmas, and I want that.
Elyse: So –
Redheadedgirl: I want that very much.
Elyse: – I have a lot of things, actually, that I’m really excited for in 2018. After our previous podcast, now I also get to anticipate getting letters about why Tom Hiddleston is not a serial killer, so that’s exciting.
Elyse: So Nora Roberts has a new series out, so it’s kind of –
Sarah: Oh, yes!
Elyse: It, it crosses – so the first book is out now, came out December 5th.
Amanda: How is it? Have you read it already? Have you finished it?
Elyse: I have not finished it yet. So far it is really, really good. It is dystopian para-Nora, and I never, like, I would never have thought of Nora Roberts as someone who could write a really good dystopia novel, but I’m, I’m happily wrong on that. So it’s about a, like, avian flu virus that kills, like, a whole fuckton of people, and at the same time the virus is spreading and people are dying, magic is coming back? So people who previously practiced magic and maybe, like, they could put all of their energy into lighting a candle are now all of a sudden super powerful. So it’s, it’s got more of an ensemble cast, but so far it’s really, really good, and I’m excited to see where the, the series goes.
Sarah: Very cool.
Elyse: And then, next year at some point – it doesn’t have a release date yet – there is a gender-bent retelling of Beowulf coming out, called The Boneless Mercies.
Elyse: The Boneless Mercies by April Genevieve – and I’m going to, like, massacre her last name – T-U-C-H-O-L-K-E – I got nothing.
Sarah: Wait, tell me again? The Boneless –
Elyse: – Mercies.
Sarah: – Mercies. I’m going to say that’s two-cholk, but I could be wrong. Or two-kulk. Oh, my goodness, this looks amazing. Four mercenary girls – I don’t even need to read any other words. It says four mercenary girls.
Elyse: Right, yeah.
Sarah: I’m like, okay, great, yeah!
Carrie: Okay, I’m in.
Sarah: Sold! Yeah, okay!
Elyse: Four mercenary girls chase glory and honor by battling a monster that’s been terrorizing a nearby earldom. Thank you.
Sarah: I am entirely okay with this.
Elyse: Pre-order one-click buy.
Elyse: That’s going to be one of those things I forget about, and then it comes in the mail and I’m like, Past Elyse was so fucking smart.
Sarah: [Laughs] Thank you, Past Elyse!
Elyse: And then Jennifer Ashley has a Victorian, like, upstairs- –
Elyse: – downstairs mystery series coming out. I think it comes out, like, January 2nd?
Elyse: I’m so excited! It –
Sarah: Yes, Death Below Stairs.
Elyse: The Kat Holloway Mystery series.
Elyse: Kat Holloway is a young cook, a much-sought-after young cook.
Sarah: All right, I just want to back up a moment, because the author has an entire section on her website, the author of The Boneless Mercies has an entire section on her website called “Pronunciation,” and I was super wrong. It is two-hall-key; the C is silent. So it’s April Genevieve Tucholke. I apologize April Genevieve. Thank you for the pronunciation guide so I can fix that. [Laughs] Please return to your discussion about Victorian below stairs.
Elyse: No, that was really it. It’s, it’s called Death Below Stairs by Jennifer Ashley, and I’m very, very excited about that.
Sarah: I have that on my list too. All right, who’s next for 2018, all the things we have to look forward to? Whoo!
Amanda: I think Carrie.
Sarah: Carrie, you want to go?
Carrie: I don’t give a lot of – I, I get to give a lot of talks about Mary Shelley this year for the library.
Carrie: And they have, they haven’t requested that I show up drunk. I think, I think they feel that the sober version of me talking about Lord Byron is, is sufficient. And –
Elyse: I think we’re the only people who’ve requested you show up drunk.
Redheadedgirl: Do they know that that’s an option?
Carrie: Yeah, you’re all special that way. You know what, they don’t! Maybe I should tell them, but I’ve, I really, I really do believe that I’ll just, like, fall over and sleep on the floor, and it, it really won’t be that exciting. I also get to give a talk about the Spanish Flu, because, like, that’s how weird my life is now. So when the library does presenta-, does programming, they kind of keep me in the loop now, and so I don’t worry about whether I actually know anything about a topic. I just say, oh, you’re doing a World War I series; you want to focus on events in 1918; you’ve already done suffragette; you’ve already this, this, this – ooh! Spanish Flu! I Googled! That was 1918! And they say, sure! So, you know, I’ll be spending 1918 reading about the influenza epidemic.
Sarah: As you do. You know, it happens.
Carrie: Get your shots, people!
Sarah: Who’s next for 2018 things they’re looking forward to, or is it my turn?
Amanda: I think it’s your turn.
Sarah: Is it my turn? On my list – because I now have a reading spreadsheet, and I have started taking notes into 2018, so Past Sarah is, like, the best – so Death Below Stairs comes out January 2nd. That’s the Jennifer Ashley above stairs/below stairs mystery. And then Deanna Raybourn has, I think this is the third in her Veronica Speedwell series, and it’s called A Treacherous Curse, and the thing about Veronica Speedwell is that she just doesn’t have any fucks to give, and she’s brilliant, and she doesn’t take any of her fellow protagonist dude’s crap, and I love listening to that, or listening to them. I always say that when I’m reading, because when I’m reading I hear it in my head. I love the whole series. And then book –
Elyse: I love the, oh, I love the part in her first book where she and the hero have to sleep in the same bed, and he is, like, all freaked-the-fuck-out because, you know, they’re two unmarried people who are going to sleep in the same bed, and she’s like, I have way more sexual experience than you do; you need to calm down. Like, what’s wrong with you with you.
Sarah: [Laughs] Yeah. And then there’s a book that I’m tentatively excited about called A Meddle of Wizards, where a woman who is pretty sure she’s dying has some what she thinks is hallucination, and it turns out that, that this person is real and kidnaps her and takes her to an alternate world where she has to, you know, do a bunch of stuff to fix the world, which sounds really good, but I’m pretty sure that the meddle of wizards is the plural term for what a group of wizards is, so just the title alone, I’m like, okay. Hmm, yeah, interested, okay.
And then Beverly Jenkins’ Tempest, book three of the Destiny trilogy? No, not Destiny; that’s a different trilogy. This is the Breath-, the Rhine trilogy with Forbidden and Breathless and Tempest – comes out January 30th. Tempest is the one with, if you’ve been reading the trilogy, the one with the mail-order bride from book two, the sister of the heroine of book two, decides to accept a, a mail-order bride – I don’t know; is it an invitation? Proposal? Letter?
Redheadedgirl: Application? [Laughs]
Sarah: But she’s like, yeah, sure. I love, like, what do you call that? [Laughs] I don’t know what you call it, but she goes, and then it turns out that everything that had been written was not how it is when she gets there, so I’m entirely here for that. I don’t know what it is about this particular setup, but I am so, so into it.
And then Jasmine Guildford’s [Guillory] The Wedding Date comes out in February, and I am so excited to read this book. Like, one of the things that is sort of –
Amanda: Speaking of things that lit up all over the place, I’m happy to see it everywhere.
Sarah: Everyone’s like, this is so good, and I’m like, I believe you, and I believe you, and I believe you. Okay, I am ready to read this. And it, and it, and it actually makes me feel really excited to see all of these books that I’m excited to read in January and then February and then March. I even have one that’s, comes out in May. Like, okay, listen –
Amanda: Sarah, I’m so proud of you.
Sarah: I know! I’m so proud of me too! [Laughs] But at the same time, it’s like, okay, like, I was recording a podcast with, with Amanda, and, you know, she could hear the helicopters going over my house ‘cause I’m due north of the White House, so somebody’s flying over my house, and I sort of look up at the loud air vehicles going over my house once or twice a day, and I’m like, listen, you cannot fuck shit up, because there are books in May that I want to read, you fucker, so don’t fuck shit up, ‘cause I got books I want to read! Like, this is getting me through.
So after The Wedding Date by Jasmine Guillory, on the sixth – or that might actually be before; this might be before it – Next Year in Havana by Chanel Cleeton comes out, and I am so curious about this, ‘cause it’s historical fiction/romance set in Cuba. We did the cover reveal, and the cover is gorgeous, and I never do cover reveals –
Amanda: It is so pretty.
Sarah: – but, like, when we saw the cover, both Amanda and I were like, whoa! Like, we’ve got to show people this. And then and then and then, and then! A Princess in Theory by Alyssa Cole comes out in February, so the world cannot end before then, because I am so excited to read this, I cannot even tell you.
And then the last one – I didn’t think I was going to go much past February, and then I was on, you know, NetGalley, and there is a GLBT re-telling of Much Ado About Nothing set at a summer camp called Nothing Happened by Molly Booth, and it comes out in May, so, listen, the world can’t end before May because I have shit to read. Like, that’s it.
Elyse: I remembered more.
Sarah: Oh, I like more!
Elyse: Am I allowed to do more?
Sarah: Yeah, of course you can do more!
Elyse: I forgot Lisa Kleypas has her next book coming out with the –
Sarah: Oh, crap, really?
Elyse: – woman doctor? The woman doctor from the previous book is in this, is the heroine of this book. Remember, this is the, they did the cover reveal and it has the weird black and white dress that’s not –
Redheadedgirl: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Amanda: Oh, yeah.
Elyse: – period accurate at all. So that book comes out, and then there was another, I believe it’s YA book I want to read called To Kill a Kingdom that comes out in March. Let me just read you the beginning of this description: Princess Lira is a siren royalty and the most lethal of them all. With the hearts of seventeen princes in her collection, she is revered across the sea.
Elyse: She’s a siren princess who has the hearts of seventeen dudes in her heart collection, ‘cause that’s what sirens do. They kill people and take their hearts.
Amanda: Into it.
Sarah: Okay –
Carrie: Okay, I –
Carrie: – I just want to know how she displays the collection; or are they just, like, rattling around in her desk drawer; or does she have them, like, on the wall, like in shadow boxes? Like, I feel like I don’t need to read the whole book; I just really want to know –
Sarah: Like, what aisle –
Carrie: – how this collection is curated.
Sarah: – what aisle at Michaels carries the item you need for your heart collection?
Elyse: I’m sure there’s something there.
Carrie: I mean, you have to preserve it, right?
Sarah: Right, yeah.
Carrie: Maybe a resin. Clear resin.
Sarah: Resin, or maybe, I think a shadow box is a really good choice.
Elyse: But you’ve got to get the museum glass option. Like, it’s more expensive –
Sarah: Yes, absolutely.
Elyse: – but it’s ultimately worth it.
Sarah: Ooh, ooh, ooh, Elyse?
Sarah: The, Someone to Care by Mary Balogh comes out in May.
Elyse: I’m going to –
Elyse: – just have to reserve that for when I need, like, emotional –
Elyse: – support.
Sarah: Is that another very high, very high-grade medicinal book?
Elyse: Su-, her, her books are, like, super healing usually? Like, every now and then she misses the mark, –
Sarah: What did you just do, Carrie? Did you break something?
Carrie: Sorry. Sorry, Elyse. I didn’t mean to cut you off. It’s just I Googled Hello Stranger, and it’s about the female doctor –
Elyse: Doctor, yeah!
Carrie: – and I’ve just –
Sarah: Yeah! Female doctor!
Carrie: – like, oh, my God! I didn’t even know that was coming up, and so I made happy book noise, and –
Carrie: – I’m just very excited now.
Sarah: I thought you were going to be like, I wore that dress to the prom! [Laughs]
Carrie: No, no. I, I wish. It would have been better than anything I wore to the prom.
Carrie: That is quite a back to that dress, though. It just kind of keeps going, doesn’t it?
Elyse: So there’s also The Kiss Quotient coming out in June. Did you guys see the coverage on that? The heroine has Asperger syndrome, and –
Sarah: I did see that, and, and the coverage really pissed me off. [Laughs]
Sarah: Yeah, like, what was it?
Redheadedgirl: Something about the own voices adds an extra emotional sumpin-sumpin?
Amanda: Twist, or something like that.
Sarah: Right, yeah. That was, that really just – yeah. That pissed me off.
Redheadedgirl: Can we go back to the displaying hearts thing –
Sarah: But –
Redheadedgirl: – again for a second?
Redheadedgirl: It’s jars and alcohol, obviously.
Sarah: Jars and alcohol! Do they have that at Michaels?
Redheadedgirl: Well, they have jars!
Carrie: Well, they have jars!
Sarah: They have jars, right, and then if you just need the alcohol, I mean, isopropyl alcohol I’m assuming will get the job done, right?
Redheadedgirl: Yeah! Absolutely. That’s how they store all of the, the various parts in the Surgeons’ Hall Museum in Edinburgh is jars and alcohol.
Redheadedgirl: I saw a lot of parts. I saw a lot of parts.
Carrie: If you want to go, like, full Pinterest, you can, you can decorate the Mason jars, you know, with, like, some burlap or calico or something and –
Carrie: – and tasteful ribbons, and then put them in a shadow box. Right, like, you just keep, just keep going with this.
Sarah: Listen, I don’t have a lot of time left before Hanukkah, but you guys are giving me some serious ideas for gifting, y’all.
Elyse: I, I fully support that. That is how Tom Hiddleston tastefully preserves –
Sarah: Oh, God, again!
Sarah: Oh, my God!
Carrie: What’s the name of the collects-hearts book?
Elyse: That is – God damn it, now I lost it. Hold on; we’ll come back to it.
Sarah: That’s what it called? God Damn It, Now I Lost It?
Elyse: God Damn It, I Lost It.
Carrie: God Damn It, Now I Lost It!
Elyse: I’ll find it in a minute. My 2018 prediction, by the way – this is just coming out of the blue – is that there’s going to be a lot of royal romances.
Sarah: Oh, gee, I can’t imagine.
Redheadedgirl: Why, though?
Redheadedgirl: Why would that be a thing?
Carrie: I –
Carrie: Yeah –
Sarah: Couldn’t tell you.
Elyse: Carrie, it’s called To Kill a Kingdom by Alexandra Cristo.
Carrie: ‘Kay, you guys hear me Googling?
Elyse: I feel like there’ve been –
Carrie: Like, typing badly.
Elyse: I feel like there’ve been a lot of mermaid books in 2017 and, like, more still coming out in 2018. Like, somehow that became part of the zeitgeist really quick.
Sarah: Oh, my God, Carrie, this cover could not be more made for you. It’s got tentacles, and one of them’s holding a sword.
Carrie: It has tentacles!
Sarah: Yeah, this is –
Carrie: Okay –
Sarah: Somebody just put this under a box –
Carrie: – like, somehow –
Sarah: – and we’ll watch Carrie, like, go towards it and get trapped. [Laughs]
Carrie: Well, I just am wondering how Elyse and I are going to decide who gets to review Hello Stranger and the jar-of-hearts book.
Elyse: I –
Carrie: Like, like, are we going to have to, like, wrestle for it or, or what?
Elyse: I don’t know!
Carrie: ‘Cause –
Elyse: I feel like –
Sarah: Is there going to be a duel in the aisle at Michaels?
Carrie: – they both –
Elyse: Right, I feel like having the two people with chronic pain wrestle for a book is, like, the shittiest idea.
Elyse: Like, we should just be, like, sitting on the floor –
Sarah: Oh, no.
Elyse: – like, just kind of, like, slapping at each other half-heartedly.
Sarah: Oh, God!
Elyse: Oh –
Carrie: Yeah, I don’t know how, how we’ll, how we’ll resolve that one, because, I’m sorry, but there’s a, the first female doctor is in Hello Stranger, and To Kill a Kingdom, I’m sorry, I, I, it has, it has jars of hearts. I can even sing the “Jar of Hearts” song, and it has tentacles.
Sarah: This is going to be a very ugly battle in 2018. I’m kind of looking forward doing it –
Carrie: It is!
Sarah: – looking forward to it.
Carrie: It is. Okay, I don’t know. Princess Lira: she’s the most – why does she, what – oh! Oh!
Sarah: [Laughs] Okay, then!
Carrie: Well, somebody’s been reading “The Little Mermaid” and just decided to make it about hunt – what? [Laughs]
Sarah: I am –
Carrie: Okay, so, I’m just reading the blurb, and I’m, I’m already, I’m kind of confused –
Sarah: This has been –
Carrie: – but, okay.
Sarah: – Reading Cover Copy with Carrie.
Carrie: Yes. The, the line, yeah, and I apologize for derailing us with me making noises as I try to understand – [laughs] –
Sarah: Oh, it’s cool.
Carrie: – the plot. It just keeps going! Like, every sentence, every sentence clause has a new, weird –
Elyse: It doesn’t matter, ‘cause there are –
Carrie: And I don’t mean weird in a bad way. I, I consider that a plus. I’m just saying it’s, like, it’s, it’s, it’s a lot!
Elyse: The Bachelor starts again, I think, in January.
Redheadedgirl: Are you going to watch it?
Elyse: Fuck, yeah!
Sarah: I told you there’s a podcast called Weird Jobs [Weird Work], and one of them was “I’m the Bachelor in Paradise bartender”?
Redheadedgirl: [Laughs] Oh, God!
Elyse: I bet that’s a terrible job.
Sarah: Right? Yeah, I bet it’s a horrible job too.
Elyse: This is going to be an interesting year, though, because I, my fibro meds have made me, like, more sensitive to alcohol, so I definitely cannot drink during the week –
Elyse: So I have to sober review it. Unless –
Sarah: Oh, man.
Elyse: – I don’t think we’re cool enough to get screeners, so I’m going to be sober reviewing it.
Sarah: I don’t think even people who are, like, legitimate reviewers get screeners of The Bachelor.
Redheadedgirl: We are legitimate reviewers!
Carrie: We are legitimate reviewers!
Sarah: Not for television!
Redheadedgirl: How very dare you!
Sarah: I don’t think we get reality TV screeners. I mean, we get Acorn screeners and BBC screeners, but, wow, reality TV screeners?
Redheadedgirl: We haven’t gotten any of those in a while, though.
Sarah: That’s true; I’m going to have to start shaking the screener tree. Wow.
Sarah: That would be amazing, reality TV screeners. Whoo! I don’t know; do they even send them out beyond, like, episode three? I think they’re sort of edited on the fly.
Elyse: Yeah, I don’t think a lot of work –
Elyse: – goes into The Bachelor, to be entirely honest. Yeah, well, yeah, thought. A lot of travel.
Sarah: Well, I mean, nothing could be worse than Nick Viall.
Elyse: God, he was so dumb. We had this dog growing up named Reggie who was, like, just profoundly stupid but happy all the time, and that’s what Nick Viall reminds me of.
Sarah: [Laughs] Yes, but, I don’t know, I think Nick Viall has a sort of a, a, a sheen of slime? And I get this mostly from reading –
Sarah: – you know, reading your recaps. He has a slime sheen, and dogs generally do not. Dogs are not slimy; dogs are pure and good.
Elyse: Well, shockingly, they broke up, so that, and then, and I’m waiting for Rachel to break up with what’s-his-face that was not Peter.
Sarah: Yeah. Well – [sighs] – you’ll just have to wait for another season.
Redheadedgirl: I know that Rose Buddies, which was the, the Maximum Fun network podcast that was covering –
Amanda: It’s Griffin McElroy and his wife.
Redheadedgirl: Yeah – that was covering Bachelor stuff decided that they were not going to cover it anymore.
Amanda: It’s now Wonderful!, where he and his wife just talk about things they really love. It’s cute!
Sarah: I wonder if we’re turning a corner with reality TV? Because so much of it rests on very antiquated gender expectations, I’m wondering if reality TV is sort of on the way out?
Redheadedgirl: One can only hope.
Sarah: Right, right? I’d be okay with that.
Elyse: – okay with that.
Sarah: Yeah, I’m okay with that. Pay writers. Anyone, anyone got any last things for 2018?
Amanda: I have, I have an idea, Sarah.
Sarah: I love this thing. Go ahead.
Amanda: [Laughs] So I got my sweet baby Linus in 2017, but do we want to usher in 2018 with you guys hearing his little chirpy bird meow?
Everyone else: Yes!
Amanda: [Laughs] Let’s see if I can get him to meow. He was snoring about five minutes ago.
Sarah: I have zero pets in this room. We are all alone.
Redheadedgirl: Is that allowed?
Amanda: Will you purr? I have this microphone right in his face.
Redheadedgirl: [Laughs] He’s like –
Amanda: He’s letting me touch him. That’s good. No?
Sarah: [Laughs] I don’t meep on command?
Redheadedgirl: I’m not your performing monkey.
Amanda: Well, all right. Fine, Bud. Is this, like, a Groundhog Day where, like, if he meows we get, like –
Sarah: The world starts over again?
Amanda: – a good 2018, and if he doesn’t it’s another year of horrible shit?
Sarah: I don’t know. I can get a dog to bark for you if you give me, like, two seconds. I’ll just run downstairs and ring the doorbell and they’ll go nuts.
Sarah: UPS’ll show up, you know. It’s, I, I can get you some dog barking. Although it’s not food time, so I can’t get the cats – no, they’re not here. They’re, they’re downstairs staring at Adam. We got the, we got the boys a gaming computer for Hanukkah, and I was like, listen, Adam, you need to unbox that thing, set it up, download all the updates, like, let it become itself, because sitting there waiting for updates to download when you’ve just gotten a new electronic is terrible. Like, that’s a horrible gift.
Redheadedgirl: It’s true.
Sarah: We got you software updates.
Elyse: Oh, yeah. Thank you, thank you, ladies, for me not seeing my husband on the weekends anymore because you’ve introduced him to Stardew Valley.
Amanda: You’re welcome.
Sarah: You’re welcome! Last call for anything from 2018.
Redheadedgirl: Everybody register to vote, update your voter registrations if you’re in the US. If you’re outside the US, I mean, do that too, or whatever it is your country does, but especially if you’re in the US. ‘Cause the 2018 – right – [laughs] – the 2018 elections are going to be pretty, pretty important!
Sarah: Just a little. All right.
Redheadedgirl: Just a little.
Sarah: But generally speaking –
Redheadedgirl: So – oh!
Redheadedgirl: Damn it!
Redheadedgirl: No, I just thought of, of something from 2017 that I wanted to talk about, but I forgot.
Sarah: You can go back. Go ahead!
Redheadedgirl: Okay. The Crooked Media network and the Pod Save America and Lovett or Leave It and With Friends Like These, so many times I’ve thought, gosh, I wish somebody would explain to me, like, why the evangelicals are so excited about Jerusalem being named Israel’s capital –
Redheadedgirl: – and then With Friends Like These comes out with a podcast that explains it all for me –
Redheadedgirl: – very clearly and very succinctly, or –
Redheadedgirl: – what the hell’s going on in Venezuela? I wish somebody would explain that to me, and Pod Save the World come out with an episode discussing that with the former state department people. So Crooked network was started by former Obama staffers –
Redheadedgirl: – and they have a whole bunch of podcasts talking about politics and national affairs and how to have difficult conversations with people, and they are growing and becoming increasingly diverse, which is good, ‘cause it started off as, you know, four white Obama bros, and they, they, they recognize that they are four white Obama bros. So, especially if you just need somebody to, like, explain to you, just what the fuck is going on?
Sarah: What the hell?
Redheadedgirl: What just happened? They are very good about keeping up on current events and explaining what the fuck just happened.
Sarah: Yeah. What the hell just happened is, like, I think going to be a continuing theme moving into 2018.
Redheadedgirl: Yeah, just, just kind of get used to it. [Laughs]
Sarah: What the fuck? All right.
Elyse: I’m looking forward to, to January 1st, when another one of my fucks slowly falls to the ground.
Sarah: If you get a new one, you’re just going to break it on January 1st anyway.
Elyse: Oh, yeah, for sure.
Sarah: I wish all you guys a Happy New Year.
Redheadedgirl: Well, we wish you a Happy New Year.
Elyse: A good one.
Elyse: And many good books.
Sarah: Many good books.
Sarah: And that brings us to the end of this episode. Thank you to Amanda, Carrie, Elyse, and Redheadedgirl for hanging out with me and talking about all of the things. I will have links to all of the books that we talked about, as well as the films that Redheadedgirl mentioned and anything else that we mentioned that you might want to know about. It will be in the podcast entry at smartbitchestrashybooks.com/podcast.
The music you are listening to is provided by Sassy Outwater. You can find her on Twitter @SassyOutwater. This is Adeste Fiddles, one more song from Adeste Fiddles. This group is Deviations Project. This whole album is really fun, and this particular track is called “Lieutenant Kiji” by Sergei Prokofiev. I probably completely screwed up that pronunciation, so if I did I apologize most humbly, but I really dig this song. You can find the album at Amazon, though I will warn you that some digital copies of this album come with a corrupted version of this song. It’s very weird. I’m not sure how I ended up with a copy that works, but I read in the reviews that this song is the one track that has problems, so if you really, really, really dig it, you might want to try to find it somewhere else. Either way, Deviations Project, Adeste Fiddles: yet another year. Yay!
If you would like to contact me and ask me questions or make a suggestion or pitch yourself or someone you know or anything you want to ask me about, that’s awesome; you should totally do that. Our email address is [email protected]. You can also record a voice memo and email it to me if you would like to tell us about a book or anything, really, that you are looking forward to in the new year. I know that lately many of you have been looking for things to look forward to, and it was a lot of fun to talk about all of the books that are coming up in the next few months. So if you’d like to share something you’re excited about, we would love to hear it! Email us. Email a voice memo! You’re going to sound awesome; trust me. You only sound weird to yourself because you’re used to hearing the echo of your own voice in your skull. It’s true! True facts. I wouldn’t lie to you.
Now there are a couple of things that it is recommended by podcasting experts that I say every week, which I try to do, because, you know, I listen to a lot of podcasts, and I know that these things are all true. If you would like to help the show grow, listening every week is an awesome place to start; thank you for being here. If you leave a review wherever it is that you’re listening to this episode, for example on Apple Podcasts or Po-, Pocket – what the heck is my app called? Now I actually have to go get my phone and remember the name of the app that I use to listen to – Pocket, Pocket, Pocket Casts! No, that’s not it! Podcasts? What the hell is this app called? Oh, my God, my – Pocket Casts! I was right. I kept wanting to call it Pocket Rocket, and that was just not what I wanted to say there. Pocket Casts! Gosh! I feel dumb – or Podbean or wherever you listen to your podcasts. If you leave a review, it helps other people find our show, and I know that new people find the show each week, because I hear from new listeners who are like, this is amazing! I had no idea! And now there are, oh, 280 episodes for you to enjoy.
You can also tell a friend, you can subscribe, you can recommend us whenever you see people talking about podcasts, and if you’re feeling like it, you can have a look at our podcast Patreon at patreon.com/SmartBitches. Monthly pledges of a dollar, three dollars, whatever a month make a deeply appreciated difference. They help me commission transcripts for older episodes, they help the podcast grow, and when I’m looking to shape different episodes or take questions for upcoming guests, I always ask the Patreon group first what they’d like to know or ask or, you know, just what books they’d like to have recommended to them. So have a look at patreon.com/SmartBitches.
And as always, I end with a terrible joke. Are you ready for the terrible joke? I’m going through all of my show notes to make sure that I didn’t forget to mention anything. But, yes, I did not forget to mention anything. It is now time for the terrible, terrible joke. Are you ready for a terrible dad joke? I have learned that some of you really appreciate these, which is great, ‘cause I have a terribly fun time finding them! All right, here we go:
Why didn’t the US switch to the metric system this year?
Give up? Why didn’t the US switch to the metric system?
It would cause mass confusion!
[Laughs] Ah, yeah. I love a good metric system joke. Yeah, it’s awesome. All right. So, yeah, I’m going to stop talking now – [laughs] – and stop giggling.
I want to thank Amanda, Carrie, Elyse, and Redheadedgirl, and I want to thank everyone who’s listening – especially you, ‘cause you are particularly excellent – for hanging out with us each week. Happy New Year, and I will see you back here next week for our next episode. In the meantime, we wish you the very best of reading. Have a great weekend.
[pretty, pretty music]
This podcast transcript was handcrafted with meticulous skill by Garlic Knitter. Many thanks.