Welcome back to Cover Snark!
From Kelly: Where did his fingers go? Also their eyebrows are distractingly the exact same color as their hair.
Sarah: I maintain that faces and necks are hard to draw.
Elyse: She looks like when my sister would pull off my Barbie’s head and I’d stick it back on but the neck would disappear.
Sarah: It’s never the same, is it? Like when you wash a Barbie’s hair. It never looks right afterward.
From HeatherS: My first reaction to the poor model’s hairstyle was “What in the Foghorn Leghorn?” Because they made him look like a rooster. Handsome fella doesn’t deserve bad hair.
Sarah: What in the Flock of Seagulls?
Also the dandelion head and the seeds flying are very distracting.
Amanda: Honestly, I’m impressed by the volume.
From Karoline: I swear to all that is holy, when I scrolled by I thought the author’s first name was Vag. And that doesn’t even address….the wolf.
Sarah: Yes to both.
I keep thinking of Jennifer Garner talking about Ben Affleck’s mammoth phoenix tattoo on his back: “Bless his heart.”
Also sent by Heather.
Susan: My brain keeps reading the gold with the hole in it as an arsehole, even though I know it’s in the wrong place.
Amanda: I think about Ben’s back tattoo like once a month.
Sarah: Omg same.
Elyse: I just added this to my TBR to see if that cover intentionally resembles a vagina or not.
Carrie: I thought it was a uterus with the lining thinning as it does during menopause (am hot flashing as I type).
Sarah: Isn’t “Vagina in the Sky” a song by, like, Kansas?
Elyse: I just laughed hard enough that it scared the cat.
On ONE FOR THE ROAD I was at first like “oh that’s not so bad, I like her hair, very ‘Venus’–” and then I realized she was facing towards me. Ouch.
Rooster guy looks so…greasy. I think if he finishes washing the conditioner out of his hair it’ll help.
For the werewolves at the plantation house (anyone else notice that?!), it’s reminding me of those t-shirts that were briefly popular in the late 00’s/early 10’s. Dude saw one at Hot Topic and said “that’s what I want across my spine.”
Last one is definitely a poster I saw in the art building at college. Cosmic Vulva, the hottest new psychedelic punk-ska band in the tri-state area.
The HOME ICE cover makes me want to sneeze.
I just assume THE THINNING is about perimenopause.
I will add that the hair is so bad, it made me skip the model cover and go for the “discreet” cover, which anyone who knows me will tell you is an extremely rare occurrence for me. I adore model covers and especially if it’s a clinch – likely a result of cutting my romance teeth on historicals and paranormals in the aughts. I think the visual cues of clinch model covers are the best – if it’s two dudes or two ladies, then I know on sight that it’s a queer romance, no reading back covers required.
So now I have “Spirit in the Sky” by Norman Greenbaum going through my head, only I’m hearing Vagina in the Sky.
Send help. Dying over “What in the Foghorn Leghorn.”
Sorry but Vagina in the Sky is set to Stevie Wonder’s Ribbon in the Sky. “There’s a vagina in the sky, vagina in the sky, vagina in the sky, for our love.” It’s an earworm.
That isn’t hair over the Home Ice guy’s forehead it’s some sort of alien, symbiote if he’s lucky, parasite if he’s not. The bits that look like loose tendrils of hair are it’s tentacles, with the carapace between. They are thinking about how to infect you so RUN!
Someone had a crush on Duran Duran back in the day.
I’m going to give One for the Road kudos for at least attempting to have faces on the illustrated covers.
However, I have just noticed that on Simon Le Beau (yes, I got the Duran Duran reference; hungry like the wolf, etc.), the isn’t-his-anus is actually the period/full stop after the A for the author’s middle name and it annoys the heck out of the proofreader inside me.