Welcome back to Cover Snark!
From Melodie: The Mannequin sequels are getting weird.
Sarah: I don’t think he’s dipping her. I think she’s in full rigor and he’s carrying her with one arm like she’s a roll of carpet.
Amanda: That man is massive. Also there is absolutely nothing behind that woman’s eyes.
From Alyssa.
Sarah: Tentacles or not, I do not appreciate the look he’s giving me, like he’s .03 seconds from rolling his eyes and telling me I’m too emotional.
Amanda: I’m sorry but that’s Chris Cornell (RIP).
From Charlotte: Mr. Alpha just looks so very disappointed in things. Same Mr. Alpha. Same.
Sarah: He’s not mad. He’s disappointed. The wolf, however, will continue to shit in his shoes.
Sneezy: Didn’t realize magical moon jizz is kinda dry.
Amanda: If you zoom in on his skin, it looks like when you fall asleep on a knitted blanket and you wake up sweaty, covered in drool, and with the pattern imprinted on the side of your face.
From cat_blue: Holy eyestrain batman!
Elyse: What the fuck is that title?
Sarah: Is that Balki from Perfect Strangers?
Claudia: On the plus side, they can save money using her skirt as the picnic blanket. Then use the savings to play the real lottery.
Well, now I know where Ivanova went after Babylon 5; she became a book cover model.
I honestly did a double-take at the first cover and thought “is she dead?” Not my cup of tea for a romance.
Speaking of not my cup of tea – the last book lost me at “wife lottery”
Looks like Hunter is ice dancing with his inflatable girlfriend. And Mr. Blueballs is all “Sure, Jan.” Also, how can my alpha protect me if he can’t keep himself from falling face first into a waffle iron; stick with eggos, baby. As for that last one, at least the choo-choo is smokin’.
Alioths nips are definitely telling me the water is too cold!!!
And the Wife Lottery gent gives me Lin Manuel Miranda’s evil twin vibes!!
#3: can’t look away from the textured skin. Can’t think of why a wolf shifter would have textured skin…
#4: maybe no one looked at the cover layers together in the cover tool. Looked at title layer, yep, fine (script was a CHOICE but probably over black background was readable), then the art… but the white picket fence behind the already eyestrain-causing script… and now zoom it down to a thumbnail and I’m never clicking that. Because WIFE (blur) HEARTS is not a title.
I agree with all the comments on the first two but I do like the colours chosen for the MMCs 🙂
Though it’s not actually a mistake, the blue outline of the wolf goes as a line into Mr. Alpha’s head, making it look like his skull is pinched in on that side. Once you see hockey-stick-head, you can’t unsee it.
I can’t be the only one who read Farted to the Protective Alpha
@LG123, you’re not!
@LG123 You’re one up on me, because for ages I couldn’t figure out what that squiggle was supposed to be. Fused? Fired? Fisted?
Does the Hunter’s Valentine have implants, or is she lactating? If the latter, has the Hunter just created an orphan?
And no thanks, I’ll stick with The Matrimonial Lottery by Charlotte O’Conor Eccles. (Yes, it’s a literal lottery.)
None of the guys on any of these covers wants to be involved in these shenanigans. Their Fate may not be worse than death, but apparently it’s right up there.
#4 I’ll bet is set in Ye Olden Times Out West and it is a real lottery. I actually wouldn’t mind the cover if it weren’t for the color choices and the busyness of it all. I mean, it wouldn’t be attractive, but the people are recognizably people I might say hello to, which is a rarity in CS. That man and his hair have definitely owned a cell phone, though.
My favorite part of the snarking is when someone says “Actually, this series is pretty good” and explains what is happening and why they enjoyed it. Somehow it makes me happy to know that there are so many different books out there that people find and enjoy, even despite (or because of) bad covers. Writing is hard enough, but you finally finish and now you have to learn graphic design??? I can sympathize.
You weren’t kidding about eye bombardment! Whoa!
*like a proud mom in the audience of an elementary school theater production* That’s my contribution up there!! For the record I know it wasn’t AI generated because I had that saved to my Pictures folder for literal years, waiting to get around to submitting it here (I am not a go-getter Type A personality, I fear). It’s just so much. For what it’s worth, the series it came from seems to be well regarded on Amaz*n.
The Hunter’s Valentine cover reminds me of those full-body baptisms, though what an alien baptizes you as–or in–I’m not sure I want to know. The subtitle sounds like a cutesy sci-fi swear word. Xarc’n aliens goin’ around dunkin’ all the mannequins grumble grumble…
The two guys in the middle just very much do not want to be here. Tentacle guy oddly seems more smug than the Protective Alpha with the ghost wolf. I think maybe they should get together and go do smug shapeshifter things together, that might be better for everyone.
I read the last one as “Wife Pottery” at first.