737. RT Rewind: February 2012 Ads & Features

[intro]

Sarah Wendell: Hello and welcome to episode number 737 of Smart Podcast, Trashy Books. I’m Sarah Wendell, Amanda is with me, and we are hopping back in the time machine to check out the ads and features from the February 2012 issue of Romantic Times. We’re going to talk about Anastasia and Madame Tussauds and how close some cover models get to showing some hog in this era. And then we have like a half an hour of live Cover Snark. I’m actually wondering if this video will be taken down by YouTube, because these covers are, uh, shiny and unclothed. Those’ll, those’ll be my adjectives: shiny and unclothed.

And as I mentioned, unless YouTube has a problem with it – which it might! – you can watch this episode with the images overlaid on top of us, or you can check out the show notes at smartbitchestrashybooks.com/podcast under episode 737!

I have a compliment this week, and this compliment is for Lisa R.

Lisa, your friends love you so much they would answer the phone if you called, they would help you move to a sixth-floor walkup, and they would smile and laugh while they did it, because they know from experience that being with you is a delightful adventure.

If you would like a compliment of your very own or you’d like to support this show, I would love it if you did. Patreon support keeps me going, makes sure that garlicknitter has fun transcripts to work on – hey, garlicknitter! – [She’s not lying; they really are fun! – gk] – and your support means that you get to join one of the most lovely communities on the internet, and I do not say that lightly. If you’re interested, patreon.com/SmartBitches.

And if Patreon membership is not in the cards, may I please humbly ask that you review the podcast wherever you listen. It truly, really, I’m not even kidding – as my grandmother would say, No foolin’! – makes a difference for other people to discover this zany, zany show.

And speaking of this zany show, shall we get started? Yes, yes, we shall! The time machine has fuzzy blankets and snacks and nice drinks of all types, so let’s go! On with the podcast.

[music]

Amanda: [Laughs] Did I tell you I, I got a glow-in-the-dark step stool?

Sarah: Yes, and I am thrilled by this development! Your bed is so tall, and you are so short and pregnant that you need a step stool, but you didn’t get any ordinary step stool. Fuck that shit. No.

Amanda: It’s great; highly recommend. I posted about it on Links, and everyone’s like, Tell me more about this glow-in-the-dark step stool…

Sarah: That’s awesome!

Amanda: Twenty-five dollars!

Sarah: Are you going to get some glow-in-the-dark stickers and put it on, like, the legs and the sides?

Amanda: I –

Sarah: Give it a little décor?

Amanda: I know my way by, like, heart and touch and feel? So I sleep with a Bluetooth eye mask ‘cause I’m always listening to stuff? So, like –

Sarah: So do I.

Amanda: – I’ll, when I have to get up to pee, I’ll, like, lift it slightly – [laughs] – and then sort of, like, make my way around the side of the bed. Like, you know, guide myself –

Sarah: Yep.

Amanda: – into the bathroom. Don’t even turn the light on.

Sarah: Yep.

Amanda: And then go back to bed; find my glow-in-the-dark step stool; I’m good to go!

Sarah: Yep! Nice job, though! Good find!

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: Like, I’m very impressed!

Amanda: Yeah. I needed one. [Laughs]

Sarah: It happens.

So we’re here to discuss the ads and features from RT Book Reviews from February 2012. And one of the reasons why I picked this issue is because the cover makes me laugh so hard. Here is –

Amanda: Is it the hat? [Laughs] Is it the hat?

Sarah: Well, no. Not only do have a great hat – like, that’s a great hat – but the cover is the book cover for The Gathering Storm. There is a model; she has long – she, okay, so this is 2012, but Amanda, she’s got the barrel curls away from her face. She’s got –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – a very Instagram hairstyle. So she’s got the barrel curls, but she’s wearing an absolutely friggin’ enormous beaver hat. And she’s –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – kind of got her arms crossed, and she’s sort of looking at the viewer, and it’s Imperial Russia, so everyone’s very serious. But the funny thing – this cracked me up so hard – the headline on the cover is Meet Debut Author, and then in really big type, Robin Bridges.

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: So you would be forgiven, much like I was, convinced that that’s Robin Bridges! That’s Robin Bridges right there! She’s got a – I’m like, wow, she’s dressing up like her book, and she’s got this cool special effect, like magic going across, and that’s really nice hair. That is not the author. It looks like it’s the author because it says Meet Debut Author, and then there’s a picture of this lady. But no, it’s, it, that’s the cover. And they put the cover –

Amanda: Like, she’s a little young. A little young to be –

Sarah: She’s a little young, right?

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: And they put the cover down in the corner there so you’re like, Oh, it’s the cover, but you don’t see that. You just see person, meet Robin Bridges! Like, oh!

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: Well, she’s going to do well ‘cause she’s blonde and pretty, and publishing loves blonde and pretty! So she’ll do great.

Amanda: They sure do.

Sarah: But no, that’s, that’s not her! That’s the heroine of the book. Robin Bridges is somewhere else. But it is so funny to me that the headline is her name and the picture is the book cover, and I just want to know if anyone else was confused by that, because I, I was very confused –

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: – by that. I’m like, Wow, Robin Bridges is gorgeous! My goodness! And she’s like eighteen!

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: So on page 6, we have our regular letter To Book Lovers from Kathryn Falk, Lady of Barrow, and this just, this just cracked me up. We’ve talked before about how Kathryn loves a gathering and a ritual?

Amanda: Yes.

Sarah: And loves to have a gathering for a ritual? I actually imagine that she is probably a wonderful hostess. Like, I am sure –

Amanda: Oh, for sure.

Sarah: – she’s so good at making a party.

>> Dear Reader, I hope that 2012 will be a happy and healthy new year for all. As my grandmother always said, Health before wealth.

Well, she has both.

>> At the end of this year, I’m having a special winter solstice gathering at my home in south Texas. I’m – just let me know if you’d like to attend.

To the whole goddamn magazine. Just let me know! And I bet if you wrote her and you were like, Kathryn, I’d love to come, she’d be like, Let me get – absolutely! Here’s all the information!

>> I’m told by psychics that the Mayan calendar and the other predictions for this new year suggest that the planet will enter an exciting new dimension. As long as there are books, we’ll be okay.

I love that she is just like, I’m going to throw a winter solstice party. I’m going to talk about it in the magazine. If you want to come, just let me know if you’d like to attend.

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: Did anyone go? Who went? Did anyone go? I need to know. Did you go?

Amanda: [Laughs] Did any listeners go?

Sarah: Are you listening? Did you go? What was it like? I need to know. Just, just let me know if you’d like to attend. That would be like me saying, Hey, I’m having, you know, Thanksgiving and putting it on the website. Do you want to come over? [Laughs] I’m like, I’ve run out of chairs.

Amanda: Yeah, just let me know if you’re going to show up, what dish you’re going to
bring.

Sarah: Yep.

And then on page 8 is the Mailbag, which is mostly a letter from someone who just loves RT and wanted to tell them how much they love RT.

Amanda: Also, one fucking letter? I saw this –

Sarah: Well –

Amanda: – I was like, one fucking letter.

Sarah: Yeah! Just the one.

Amanda: Did, did they get no other letters to run?

Sarah: I’m guessing not, but also they used to publish people’s tweets, remember?

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: Like, they used to publish tweets for, and they’re not doing that anymore either. I’m like, you could really fill up some space on this page with some tweets, y’all, but no –

Amanda: Well, like –

Sarah: – they just got that one letter from the editor. Or one letter to the editor.

Amanda: – this glazing, this, like, glazing editor, or this glazing ed- – oh my God – glazing letter – there we go – about, like, how great the magazine is, yada-yada-yada.

Sarah: It’s – this is my favorite part:

>> I am a graphic designer; I own a printing company. From a professional aspect, your magazine is one of the few I can actually enjoy. I’m not great with grammar, but I spot glaring mistakes, and RT is one of the most accurate magazines I read. The design flows beautifully, the editing is great, the content flows well, and the printing is consistent.

Amanda: I have caught a number of spelling errors in this magazine. [Laughs]

Sarah: Oh!

Amanda: But the thing that also is, they’re positioning this as like a Valentine’s thing, ‘cause it is a February issue. They put some –

Sarah: Right.

Amanda: – heart-y clip art. Their response was, Thank you for being our Valentine. And then the next page or two, or, like, somewhere in magazine, they’ve got a couple sort of like pages from authors –

Sarah: Yeah.

Amanda: – you know, doing some Valentine’s Day stuff with their signature? But that’s it for the Valentine’s Day theming, is, like –

Sarah: Nope, that’s it.

Amanda: – this loose letter Mailbag thing and then –

Sarah: Yeah.

Amanda: – the, like, author stuff. And I’m like, They really half-assed this theme here.

Sarah: Could have been, could have done a lot for February. I mean, it is, it is, it is the month of the romance bunker –

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: – when there is such terrible press about romance that I create a bunker and I fill it with snacks and wine. We can all just hide out until March 1st, ‘cause it’s just not worth it.

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: I also wanted to point out on this page:

>> Write in and share your thoughts with us. Letters may be edited for content and style.

This editor, this letter is three columns. They did, if they edited this, I’m impressed.

>> If your letter is published, we’ll send you a free book. Just let us know your mailing address and if you’d like a contemporary, historical, mystery, or paranormal novel. US residents only.

What do you think that they would get? If they’re getting paper copies of books to review, are they just stacked up everywhere? What do, what do you think you get? Like, what book would you get if you wrote a letter to RT? What do you think they’re setting aside for sending to readers? Like –

Amanda: I think they’re just grabbing whatever they have!

Sarah: [Laughs] This one’s available; here! Here you go!

Amanda: Yeah, well – I’m very curious what they did with, like, extras, ‘cause I’m sure they get a ton of books that they can’t really, like, give out or away fast enough. Like, even I have that problem, and I don’t get that many books anymore. Like –

Sarah: Mm-hmm.

Amanda: – did they donate, you know, their, their shares –

Sarah: That’s a good question.

Amanda: – each month? Like, obviously the reviewers took copies to read, but, like, what would happen to, like, the extras? What would they use them for, aside from, you know, a giveaway here or there?

Sarah: Imagine how many books they had.

Amanda: Oh, I’m sure a shit ton.

Sarah: No wonder they’re giving them out to people who write. No, they’re trying to get people to write. Please take our books!

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: On page 9 is an ad from Avon Books for six books that they’re promoting – I think they’re in print – and then six more that are eBooks, digital-first publications. And it’s kind of clear, like, that eBooks are, like, secondary to the print books? On the top right is Terri Garey’s A Devil Named Desire, and this –

Amanda: That man waxes.

Sarah: That –

Amanda: That man waxes.

Sarah: Look at the, are you looking at the full-length cover, like the full-size cover? I linked to it off on the side.

Amanda: Yes. There’s a good foot between his belly button – [laughs] – and the top of –

Sarah: I –

Amanda: – his leather pants!

Sarah: Thing the first: he is this far away from showing hog. These pants are so low. He absolutely waxes everything. Number two, his pants are about to fall off.

Amanda: Also, the belt is not centered. That bell buckle is bothering me. Center it.

Sarah: No, it’s not centered. And if you look, the, the, the bulge of those pants is like –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – the size of a regulation football. It looks like he has an entire, like, panini in his pants.

Amanda: He might!

Sarah: And a panini press.

Amanda: Yeah. You can kind of also see like a little bit of his veins –

Sarah: Yes.

Amanda: – like, coming from his crotch.

Sarah: Yes. The, I know that’s called the Adonis belt, and it has a gross –

Amanda: Yes

Sarah: Is it cum gutters? Is that what –

Amanda: Cum gutters. Oh yeah.

Sarah: Cum gutters, yeah. His –

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: Listen, y’all, his gutters are waxed. They are so clean. The company that cleans –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – my gutters does not do –

Amanda: That’s a clean gutter.

Sarah: – as good of a job as this guy with his gutters. Look at that cover! Woof! And I didn’t even notice this –

Amanda: Yeah, good for him.

Sarah: – until just now – good for him – his shirt is wet and stuck to him.

Amanda: Yeah, he’s got a wet shirt. But imagine, okay, wet shirt, fine, whatever.

Sarah: Right.

Amanda: Getting leather pants wet?

Sarah: Nooo! No, no, no, no, no! Absolutely –

Amanda: Wet leather –

Sarah: No wonder he’s got a giant bulge. He has a towel in there to absorb – [laughs] – what?

Amanda: Is it, or is it wet, shiny denim?

Sarah: [Gasps] No, that’s leather.

Amanda: It’s, it looks like a leather.

Sarah: That’s leather. Those pants creak when they move.

Amanda: Ooh, a wet leather pant. Ugh! That’s a sensory –

Sarah: He’s got a whole, like –

Amanda: – nightmare.

Sarah: He’s got a whole dish towel in his crotch to absorb the water; that’s what’s happening here. Oh my gosh.

Amanda: Whatever you gotta do, dude.

Sarah: And then on page 10 –

Amanda: [Sighs]

Sarah: – is the cover article about Robin Bridges. And what do you think inspired this? She’s an Anastasia girl.

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: I really think that there are very specific movies that imprinted on very specific segments of romance readerships, and one group is the Anastasia group.

Amanda: There was, it was like an Instagram post. It’s like, when you were a girl growing up, you were really interested in one of these six things, and it had, like –

Sarah: Yes!

Amanda: – Greek mythology –

Sarah: Yes.

Amanda: – the Romanovs – like – [laughs]

Sarah: Yes!

Amanda: Like, oh yep, yep. Okay. [Laughs]

Sarah: Yep, yep, yep, yep! All of that. Yep. All of them.

Amanda: I was a Greek mythology girl, to no one’s surprise.

Sarah: I was a little bit of the Romanovs, and I was a Beauty and the Beast girl. I was –

Amanda: Mmm.

Sarah: Linda Hamilton and Ron Perlman Beauty and the Beast. That was, like, the first thing I fixated on. It was like, this is, this is, I want all of this. That was the reason I learned how to set the time and program the VCR so it would record those –

[Laughter]

Sarah: – episodes when I wasn’t home. I was the only one in the house who knew how to record, how to set the VCR. It’s not that hard, I swear.

And you noticed something cool on the next page!

Amanda: Yeah! So as part of this article, they asked Robin Bridges –

Sarah: That’s the author. That’s the author, by the way.

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: A little different from the cover! [Laughs]

Amanda: That is the author, not the cover model. They asked what her favorite Russian history facts were, and I thought this one –

Sarah: This is so cool!

Amanda: – was pretty good –

Sarah: Oh yeah.

Amanda: – and a little petty. So I picked the second one in that list:

>> In January of 1889, a ball planned by the Empress Marie was in danger of being cancelled due to the tragic death of the Austrian Crown Prince Rudolf. But invitations –

Sarah: Oh, so annoying!

Amanda: [Laughs] I know!

> – invitations had already been sent out, and the Empress still held a grudge against the Austrian embassy for a previous social slight. So instead of cancelling the fête, she in-, she insisted that everyone wear black dress with only clear diamonds as jewelry. The effect was striking, and the Bal Noir became one of the most talked about balls that season.

I thought – [laughs] – you go, girl. You’ve already planned this event; you’re not going to let this man’s death stop it. Come on!

Sarah: I mean, it, it’s just a man. Hit him with your car!

Amanda: It’s just – [laughs] – just a man. Just –

Sarah: Literally just a guy! Hit him with your car.

Amanda: She’s like, We’ll just pivot the dress code!

Sarah: And you can’t critique me. Everyone’s wearing black! You can’t criticize me. We’re clearly –

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: – being respectful, but also we look fucking fabulous.

Amanda: And only clear diamonds!

Sarah: I love historical pettiness.

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: Like, people who were petty in different ways through history?

So moving on to page 12. There’s, they do this periodically. It’s like what are people around the world reading? Like, what romances are popular in which part of the world? And it’s a fun, like, little article, but in this one they mention Intrigue Romance Bookstore in Canberra. And this is 2012, and I love spotting romance bookstores way back in the day. Like, there’s, I think Rosemary’s in Melbourne has existed for the longest? I could be wrong about that, but Rosemary’s been a romance bookstore since forever. But I freaking love that there’s one in 2012. That’s so cool.

And then on page 17 –

Amanda: Oh, these were the valentines that we were talking about.

Sarah: Yeah, so this, so 16 and 17. This is actually an ad. So Carina bought a spot, Samhain bought a spot, and then all these authors bought a spot, and I’m really curious ‘cause there aren’t that many. There’s six on the first page and five on the second, and there’s like a little saying and then a Valentine’s wishes, and then the names of the book, and then a URL, and then a little copy of their signature. But on the second page is Diana Palmer, who we have been reading about in nearly every issue of this magazine.

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: And at the bottom, Sara Evans, the country star.

Amanda: Yeah, interesting.

Sarah: My favorite thing about this is that Diana Palmer is really, really not good at keeping secrets, because her little thing, her little message?

>> Love and Kisses to my readers, love Diana Palmer. Also writing science fiction secretly as Susan Kyle. Diana Palmer.com.

Amanda: It’s not a secret anymore.

Sarah: You told the whole magazine! It’s not a secret! So if, if, if you need Diana Palmer to keep secrets, maybe explain the parameters there?

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: On page 26, Amanda pointed this out, and since she said it, I have not been able to stop thinking about it. There is always one article – often – about a man in RT.

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: There is usually at least one article by or about a man, and it is –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – so interesting. Now, I know there’s a discussion going on right now about, you know, language that, like, you know, men don’t belong in romance. That is not the case. There are many men who write romance who understand the genre. However, and I have said this to male authors before, the road before them was paved by assholes. And it is very hard for the community to be like, Sure, absolutely! welcoming because of the number of people who have tried to extract some of the romance community’s attention for their own gain.

Now, I’m not saying that’s what’s happening here, but when you pointed out that there is almost always an article by or about a man in RT, I have not been able to stop thinking about that. Like, I keep –

Amanda: Here, here we are! Here are the men –

Sarah: Here we are!

Amanda: – in this article.

Sarah: And I don’t say this lightly? This is so cringe. This is –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – so cringe. So father and son novelists Michael and Daniel Palmer each have books out in this month, and so RT asked them to interview each other. Let’s read the first one. Do you want to be Michael or do you want to be Daniel?

Amanda: I don’t, I don’t want to be either. [Laughs]

Sarah: All right, I’m going to assign you Daniel ’cause it’s fewer words.

Amanda: Okay. Okay. [Laughs]

Sarah: >> Michael: Well, this is a hoot, Daniel. RT Book Reviews has asked us to interview one another. Who better, I say? I consider myself your biggest fan.

Amanda: >> Daniel: Right back at you, Pop!

Sarah: Okay, sure. It, it’s just, it’s sooo – it isn’t connected to anything in the magazine except later they review the books. These, these aren’t romances. Like, I just – what are we doing here? But okay. You’re right; there, there always has to be one by or about a man.

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: It’s a man! A man!

Amanda: And –

Sarah: Man-centered women in romance. That’s all I’m going to say.

Amanda: Yeah! I mean, like, we have the latest drama of the, like, influencer who made a name for himself doing, like, dark romance stuff and –

Sarah: Mm-hmm.

Amanda: – would yuckily sign, like, dark romance books not by him! Because readers associated him with the book somehow. And there are authors who are like, Hey, please stop doing that. And then it came out that he was charging indie authors, what was it, like two hundred dollars to read their book –

Sarah: Mm-hmm.

Amanda: – and then –

Sarah: Yep.

Amanda: – an extra eight hundred dollars to review the book. So charging indie authors a thousand dollars to do this –

Sarah: Why did I never cho-, why did, why did I never charge for reviews, Amanda? Why did I never charge for reviews? When the, when the, when blogs –

Amanda: Jesus Christ.

Sarah: – were at their heyday, I could have charged so much money, and I did not. [Laughs] Anyway. So that whole article was cringe; I don’t know what it was doing here. I –

Amanda: Yeah. We found the men.

Sarah: I was almost –

Amanda: We found them.

Sarah: Wait, okay, there they are. Yay.

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: On page 28, you will never guess who is in this magazine in 2012. Barbara Cartland!

Amanda: Good ol’, good ol’ Barb.

Sarah: Good old Barb. She’s dead, and she has, her estate is –

Amanda: [Laughs] She’s dead!

Sarah: She’s dead, and she’s still in this magazine. She is releasing eBooks and has released “The Pink Collection,” a hundred and sixty manuscripts written by Cartland that were released posthumously by her son. So I am just really excited that Barbara Cartland is still in the magazine! She lives forever –

Amanda: Yeah, of course!

Sarah: – through RT, right? She lives forever through RT!

Amanda: [Laughs] Barbara Cartland is eternal.

Sarah: She is everlasting.

On page 45, we have an ad for Revell, and it’s, actually has her face; her face is there. I love her coat?

Amanda: Well, they also, Revell –

Sarah: I love this!

Amanda: Revell also did the full-page big hat! Big hat ad.

Sarah: Yeah, big hat! They’ve got, even the other cover that’s in the corner there, Lady in the Mist, gorgeous blue velvet cloak? Hell yeah! But this woman is on a ship, clearly. There’s ocean behind her. She’s wearing a jacket that has a little, like, three-layered capelet over the shoulders, and it’s very form fitting. The, the sleeves are a little looser, but you can see, like, her bosom and her waist. And it’s just so elegant? I love it. I want to see more historical costumes.

And then if you contrast that, going back to page 33, on page 33 is a full-page ad for Sabrina Jeffries, A Lady Never Surrenders, and I am ninety-nine percent sure that that dress is a prom dress from 1998.

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: It is a deep V-cut surplice bodice with a big velvet belt. And I don’t know if that is panels of eyelet lace or panels –

Amanda: Yeah, it looks like eyelet to me.

Sarah: It looks like eyelet lace, right? But there’s these panels of red lace and then panels of solid fabric. This is, whatever era this is, this is not that era. This is a prom dress from, like, Jessica McClintock for Gunne Sax is what this is.

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: So you’ve got, you’re like, historically incongruous prom dress, and then you have this gorgeous coat. And I just, where did Revell get their cover costumes? What was the source there? How come more people weren’t shopping there? Like, look at that! It’s gorgeous!

Amanda: Yeah, they always do, like, a really good – here’s the thing – my brain is sort of doing a little light bulb-y – I think with inspirationals and the costuming, I always view that genre as taking itself, like, really seriously.

Sarah: Hmm!

Amanda: Perhaps it’s the God aspect.

Sarah: Could be.

Amanda: Yes, and I’m saying Christians are humorless individuals. [Laughs]

Sarah: Not all of them! But –

Amanda: I’m teasing! [Laughs]

Sarah: Not all of them, but you know, it is a hallmark of the evangelical community: kind of humorless about, you know, taking yourself seriously. Yeah, okay, I’ll give you that one.

Amanda: And historical romance –

Sarah: I’m going to get some hate mail. You’re going to get me email, girl.

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: …going to be like –

Amanda: I’m so sorry.

Sarah: – I heard just…

Amanda: I’m just joking!

Sarah: – Sarah said about Christians. I know.

Amanda: But historical romance is very much historical fantasy, and when we imagine ourselves in a historical romance, I think the first thing that comes to mind is, I want to wear a pretty, a pretty dress, right? A pretty –

Sarah: Yes!

Amanda: – poofy dress.

Sarah: Hell yes!

Amanda: So I think the costuming for a historical romance – and I know nothing about, like, historical accuracy. I said that a gazillion times. I don’t know shit about fuck when it comes to historical romance.

[Laughter]

Sarah: I don’t know shit about fuck. Okay!

Amanda: But, like, I think that costuming taps into, like, the fantasy I-want-to-wear-a-pretty-dress-at-a-ball imagining that I know I sometimes feel when I’m, like, I’m reading a historical romance, versus an inspirational set in a historical time period. I think historical fiction, too –

Sarah: Yes.

Amanda: – also looks more serious when it comes to, like, the costuming of a cover model.

Sarah: Yes –

Amanda: I don’t know.

Sarah: – that’s very true.

Amanda: Just a little thought I had.

Sarah: I just, I want to know where they go, where, where they’re sourcing some of these outfits. Because then if you scroll down to 49, which we mentioned in –

Amanda: The hat.

Sarah: – the reviews episode – Hat Watch! – Ann, Ann Gabhart’s Words Spoken True, that whole outfit is gorgeous.

Amanda: I like it a lot, yeah.

Sarah: I don’t know if you’re wearing all of those ruffles to go to the, go to work at the newspaper. I mean, all of those drippy sleeves, all that ruffle –

Amanda: That’s going to get caught in a printing press, and you’re going to –

Sarah: You’re –

Amanda: – lose a limb.

Sarah: Or you’re going to get dirt all over you, and there’s going to be ink on it. Like, this is clearly not an outfit you wear to work, but gosh –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – it’s gorgeous, right? It’s so…

Amanda: I just think about dragging those sleeves through, like, a bowl of pasta sauce. Like, I’m not getting –

Sarah: [Laughs]

Amanda: That – [laughs] – dress is not walking out unscathed when I go to an Olive Garden. Like –

Sarah: No, it’s so true.

Amanda: Oh my God. But, yeah. So after those beautiful covers –

Sarah: Yes, gorgeous covers.

Amanda: – [laughs] – on page 53, there’s –

Sarah: Yes.

Amanda: – a half-page advertisement, New Author Spotlight, and I –

Sarah: [Laughs] I missed this! Oh my God!

Amanda: I specifically wanted to talk about the left-hand column for a time travel YA, question mark? Called Concord.

>> What if Beth March, Beth March had lived? Sarah Hastings, a seventeen-year-old foster child, is transported to 1862 Concord, Mass., and is adopted by the March family of Little Women. When Beth falls ill, Sarah saves her, and the two young women both pursue Civil War veteran Captain James Harrison.

That’s the – [laughs] – book description, but the cover is a black-and-white photo of some, like, old brick, maybe like row houses that, to me it looks more British than Massachusetts, even though, you know –

Sarah: I’m putting a slightly larger one in the document, in case –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – you’d like to see it slightly larger.

Amanda: With a white fence, and it’s, like, sepia-toned, and then in full color is this – [laughs] – brunette who definitely straightened her hair that morning, has a side part and a little backpack and is doing, you know, the millennial double shirt. You’ve got the red polo with the white tank underneath.

Sarah: I did not even notice. My God –

Amanda: And some jeans!

Sarah: – you are giving a very, very good breakdown of this. But also, this cover, Concord? That is the right-side picture on Facebook of Look who’s a senior! And then next to her would be her picture when she was a kindergartner so you could, like, see them together?

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: That, this is the senior version of that two-style photo. This girl’s going to start her senior year, and her mom’s taking a picture on the porch. This is the most –

Amanda: Yep.

Sarah: – back-to-school photo. You’re so right.

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: And speaking of covers, on page 58 and 59 are ads for Entangled Publishing. And –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – I’m trying to figure out what it is that makes it so clear these are early 2010s covers.

Amanda: There’s something about the North of Need cover by Laura Kaye that to me –

Sarah: Yes, that –

Amanda: – I have seen that cover so many times.

Sarah: Yep!

Amanda: Don’t know what the book is about, but I know I’ve seen this cover so many times. That man is giving himself a pit check. He can’t remember –

Sarah: Yep.

Amanda: – if he put deodorant on this morning.

Sarah: Yep.

Amanda: But that cover, to me, I’m like, I remember seeing that book –

Sarah: Early 2010s, right? It’s like dead-on –

Amanda: – everywhere.

Sarah: – early 2010s.

Amanda: Yeah, and the –

Sarah: And the –

Amanda: – the YA romance section? Yeah. The broody –

Sarah: Oh yeah.

Amanda: – dark-haired dudes in black t-shirts?

Sarah: Broody, dark-haired dudes, black t-shirts, flop-, floppy hair. Look at the amount of hair on these guys! They’ve got, like, full JTT flop. On the bottom there, that guy has early One Direction haircut.

Amanda: That man is thirty years old on that cover.

[Laughter]

Sarah: He really is. That looks like Antonio Banderas, like, right now. Yeah.

Amanda: That man can rent a car. [Laughs]

Sarah: Also, if you look at the top right, Lisa Kessler? That’s a very early 2000s cover. Is it the fact that we are about to see his hog? Like, his pants are so low, we’re about to see, like, a change of direction? ‘Cause –

Amanda: Look, I’m anti- –

Sarah: Is that what it is?

Amanda: – low-rise jeans on any gender. I think low-rise jeans –

Sarah: [Laughs] Low-rise jeans on all genders are banned. Yes.

Amanda: I hate it.

Sarah: This is so, like, he might as well not even be wearing pants! Right?

Amanda: I’d rather have that, honestly, than a low-rise jean.

Sarah: But these covers are so early 2010s, and I’m like, yep, yep.

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: Okay, what is it? And you’re right: it’s the hair and the skin and the – yeah, it’s all of that.

Amanda: And then on page 90, we have another ad for Love Inspired Historicals.

Sarah: Ohhhhh, that’s creepy.

Amanda: My comment is, What in the Madame Tussauds is this?

Sarah: Okay, I think I know, I think I know what that is.

Amanda: Okay. Sarah’s googling.

Sarah: I think I know, but I, I might have to trigger-warning this?

Amanda: Ooh! Okay.

Sarah: Here, this is the best image I can find of it? But here you go.

Amanda: Oh no.

Sarah: Madame Tussauds is a very, very good comparison, but I think that girl looks like –

Amanda: Renesmee!

Sarah: The Renesmee puppet from Twilight! Like, that ghost-cursed puppet where the eyes were, like, down by its ears, and it just, it was so uncanny valley.

Amanda: It’s Renesmee!

Sarah: That, that girl on the cover looks like Renesmee.

Amanda: Yeah. It’s a, an ad for Love Inspired –

Sarah: The puppet Renesmee, not the actor.

Amanda: No.

[Laughter]

Amanda: The main one is for The Cowboy Father by Linda Ford. And –

Sarah: Yep.

Amanda: – you have a guy in a black cowboy hat, and he’s got, like, a beige button-down with rolled up sleeves and some jeans. And he’s holding a little girl who’s in, like, this green gingham sort of dress with, like, a Peter Pan collar, and she’s got, like, flowers and very, like, wavy, pale blonde hair, and she’s making, like, a grimacing face. The faces of both of these people look like they’re made of wax. They don’t look –

Sarah: They are very waxy.

Amanda: – real. Like, he looks like a potato. Like, do you remember the craft in grade school where you would carve an image into a potato and use it as a stamp? You –

Sarah: Yes, absolutely I do! A hundred percent.

Amanda: That’s what his face reminds me of is, like, the potato stamp carving craft that we – [laughs] – did in grade school.

Sarah: So on page 101 and 102, my question was, What is going on here? Because it’s –

Amanda: Good question.

Sarah: So these are supposed to be side by side, and of course we are scanning it, so it’s in one long –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – form, but there is a blonde woman lying on her back holding a rose, and then there’s like a, just, it’s just a, it’s a, it’s a, it’s a groin. There’s a guy’s groin just standing behind her.

Amanda: But –

Sarah: It’s like just the –

Amanda: – some of the rose petals are, like, on her stomach and, like, between her boobs, and I thought it was blood at first –

Sarah: Oh God, no!

Amanda: – ‘cause I was, like, scrolling? I was like, What the hell –

Sarah: Oh no!

Amanda: – is happening? But no, she’s got, she has red rose petals on her body.

Sarah: That’s just, that’s just weird.

Amanda: And in her hair.

Sarah: In her hair. It’s just not good.

Amanda: And he’s in, like, swim trunks. That’s what it looks like to me. [Laughs] But wait –

Sarah: Right?

Amanda: – kind of like swim trunks, but I think it’s Photoshop. I think he’s nude, because if you look by his right hand –

Sarah: Oh my God!

Amanda: – you can see –

Sarah: Yeah, you can see a little sliver of flank!

Amanda: Yeah! So I think he’s holding something and –

Sarah: He’s holding a heart! He’s holding a big heart in front of his naked crotch.

Amanda: Yes.

Sarah: Wow.

And then on page 102, I put a link to an image of this cover. Top right, The Business of Pleasure by Monica Kaye. Now, this is an interracial romance with a Black woman and a white man. And there was a session at RT about diversity and interracial romance and writing interracial romance. And this was in the period of time when really people were just starting to talk about diversity, but also all of the authors of color were on the diversity panel. And I, and I believe that this is the session in which I heard Rebekah Weatherspoon say, I do not write in the genre “Black lady;” I write in the genre of romance. And I was like, That is very, that is a very good way of summarizing this problem. So for that session, they did, all the authors on the panel did like a little magazine for you, for everyone who attended. It was like a folded one, one sheet folded like a little brochure. And it was color and it talked about the books, the, their books and interracial romance and things to know. But on the cover, they had this couple. And inside they had lots of pictures of that couple, because on the stock image site, those two people were the only interracial pictures. It was always these two people. And they said on the front of this little magazine, Celebrating the Only Two Interracial Couple –

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: – The Only Interracial Couple in Stock Images. Like, it is, I, I recognize them from the brochure of that session.

Amanda: My brain, though, when I saw this was, That’s not the right area to undo a bra. You don’t –

Sarah: Yeah, it looks like he’s adjusting –

Amanda: – undo it from the straps.

Sarah: He’s, he’s tightening the strap. Her strap’s falling off, so he’s tightening it.

Amanda: And sometimes you can –

Sarah: But she looks –

Amanda: – take the straps off if you’re converting to a strapless bra. But if you’re trying to –

Sarah: That does –

Amanda: – get this off of her, this is not –

Sarah: That’s not going to work.

Amanda: – the most efficient way –

Sarah: No, it’s not going to, not going to work.

Amanda: – to do that!

Well, if you look at the middle top row, that –

Sarah: Mm-hmm.

Amanda: – title spacing is wrong.

Sarah: It looks like it says –

Amanda: Because –

Sarah: – Bend My Moon.

Amanda: [Laughs] Yes. Or Benny Moon?

Sarah: Ben my moon. Ben me, ben me moon. Ben my moon?

Amanda: Benny?

Sarah: Be – no, it’s Be Moo Moon.

Amanda: Be Moo? [Laughs]

Sarah: Be Moo Moon!

Amanda: Yeah. They need to space those words out a little bit better.

Sarah: They really do.

On 108 and 109 and 110, it’s all about the conference. And I know I say this a lot, but every time I see it, I am reminded there’s a whole page of craft workshops at RT.

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: And a lot of these were Big name authors are going to talk about their books, but you could ask them questions. They would come with some commentary about whatever it is that they were talking about. Like, there’s one with Larissa Ione, Carrie Lofty, J. A. Souders, and Ann Aguirre on Dystopian Delight: Making the Apocalypse Bad to the Bone. Basically, how to end the world with style. How, what are the conse-, what are the situations and the circumstances under which you’re going to end the world? which is actually kind of an interesting way to approach worldbuilding. But then again, it’s like bestselling authors. And even if these were not the intensity and the focus and the rigor of other workshops at other places, they were still talking about craft. We don’t have that much anymore. It’s very sad.
Especially not –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – at a conference of this size.

And then the next page is craft workshops about sports and edits and dialogue. And the dialogue, the dialogue session? He Said, She Said. Snappy dialogue: Why it matters, how to write it. Tessa Dare, Sophie Jordan, Sarah MacLean, and Lauren Willig. That room was crowded is what I’m saying. And we don’t, we don’t have this anymore.

And then on page 111, it’s me! I’m in here! I didn’t expect to see me. This is a –

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: – feature – I actually have this book. New Approaches to Popular Romance Fiction: Critical Essays, which was an academic book about romance novels. This was, this was when professors were forming IASPR, the International Association for the Study of Popular Romance. This was when academic study of romance was becoming a thing, and I was, like, fascinated. ‘Cause the, one of the reasons I ended up with Smart Bitches is that I went to grad school for English, and I wanted to write a paper about the Sedgwickian homoerotic triangle mapped onto Jude Deveraux’s romances where the heroine has to marry the one who can tell the twins apart. And I had this all worked out, and I was told that is in-, unacceptable for graduate scholarship, and I was like, no, it’s not; it’s great! And here, here we are! Here we are, people doing academic scholarship on romance.

But there’s a little line in here. This is, this is going to blow my mind.

>> Among the contributors are Selinger and Frantz, many historians and scholars, and two familiar ones for RT readers: Mary Bly, also known as Eloisa James, and Sarah Wendell!

I did not expect to see my name jump out of here! Woohoo!

Amanda: Surprise!

Sarah: I’m also sur-, I’m also surprised that this article is in the back! Like, it’s on page 110 of the magazine.

Amanda: Yeah. I wonder if they didn’t know where to put it because it’s nonfiction, but, like –

Sarah: It’s not fiction, and it’s not very long, but I’m, I’m surprised it’s in the back because that, that seems like the kind of thing that they would do a one-pager on. And this is on the same page as the contests and giveaways.

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: Maybe it’s because you can win a copy and –

Amanda: Mmm!

Sarah: – there you go. Yeah.

Amanda: I wonder if the giveaway came later, ‘cause, like, we don’t know where to put it, and, like, Let’s stick it with the giveaways and just give away a copy. [Laughs]

Sarah: Yeah, there you go. We, we got a copy from them to look at. I wonder if they sent it in for review and they don’t review nonfiction, so that’s not really going to happen, is it?

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: Hmm!

On page 114, His Seductive Spy by Laura Santiago.

Amanda: Every single one of these covers –

Sarah: It’s –

Amanda: – makes me uncomfy.

Sarah: I mean, we could just do the episode on these two pages, right?

Amanda: What is happening?

Sarah: Oh, I’ve pulled out a few for you. I’m very excited to share them.

Amanda: I was looking.

Sarah: [Laughs]

Amanda: They all, all of these people have this sort of, like, Touched by an Angel sheen to them, where it’s like –

Sarah: Ohhh –

Amanda: – they’re in the middle of being Raptured, or they’re, like, ghosts.

Sarah: Yeah, there’s a lot of cross fading and, and feathering. The feathering tool and the opacity tool get a lot of work in these covers. Like, men –

Amanda: And just –

Sarah: – men’s legs fading into a beach and a towel and – yeah.

Amanda: And a lot of women just being sandwiched.

Sarah: Oh, lots of sandwiching. Well, how else are you going to know if it, it, that it’s a ménage unless the, there’s a sandwich on the cover?

His Seductive Spy by Laura Santiago – I’m sad that these aren’t bigger, so we can’t use them in Cover Snark. This would have been great –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – Cover Snark. These are all –

Amanda: I –

Sarah: – from Everlasting – this is from Siren, first of all, Siren Publishing. They don’t exist anymore. His Seductive Spy is a woman with her back arched, she’s in white underwear, and there’s a man leaning over her, and their faces are close together. [Laughs] And behind them is this guy. He’s at the shooting range. He’s got headphones on.

Amanda: He’s got protective headphones on. Goggles.

Sarah: Excellent gun safety right here. Goggles?

Amanda: It almost – it took me a while to realize it’s sort of like a gun holster, but it looks like he just had a, a bra undone. You know, like a front clasp bra?

Sarah: Yes, it looks like he has a little corset that’s come undone.

Amanda: And then behind him, I thought, Is he in a high school gym? Is that a volleyball net? Like –

Sarah: [Laughs]

Amanda: – I couldn’t understand what was behind him? I think it’s just like some random industrial background. But I –

Sarah: I thought it was window, I thought it was window shades.

Amanda: I thought it was a volleyball net, and I thought they were in some kind of fucking gym and I’m like – [laughs] – What is this? Clearly he’s having target practice, and it’s loud enough where he needs pro-, stuff for his ears, but then these –

Sarah: Yes.

Amanda: – two people are about to go to Bone Town –

Sarah: Like, right in the middle of the shooting range.

Amanda: Which is not safety, safe.

Sarah: Can I just point out that he is a very large person, and in his hand that gun looks like a toy.

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: It’s a very small, wee little gun.

Amanda: Also, he’s got like a little, in the middle of his stomach, a little vagina!

Sarah: Oh! Oh yeah! That’s, it’s dorsi lati-, is it the dorsi erectus? It’s the, it’s the ti-, it’s the fascia between your abdominal muscles. His fascia has separated. You can have surgery to repair that. I’ve had that done.

Now, in other covers in this section, I tried really hard to find Love Under Two Strong Men by Cara Covington, but I could not find the two strong men. I did, however, find Two Honchos and –

Amanda: I don’t like this.

Sarah: – Two Benedicts. Now, let’s start with the honchos.

Amanda: I don’t like these honchos. I don’t like this at all.

Sarah: I don’t like this either. Nope.

Amanda: There’s one, like, caressing her hair?

Sarah: Yep.

Amanda: I hate that man. I don’t know what his deal is – [laughs] – but I’m having –

Sarah: I know that’s –

Amanda: – a visceral reaction?

Sarah: I know that’s supposed to be like a necktie, but it looks like those –

Amanda: Is t?

Sarah: – tiny, narrow, crocheted scarves that, like, Disney stars used to wear, like that one ribbon of crochet around your neck with your, with your cami and your other cami? He looks like he’s wearing that scarf. I’m sure it’s supposed to be a tie –

Amanda: And I –

Sarah: – but ugh.

Amanda: – I would not get that watch face so close to that woman’s luscious hair. You’re going to snag –

Sarah: Oh, he’s totally going to –

Amanda: – some strands in that thing.

Sarah: Not cool, dude.

Amanda: I don’t like him at all.

Sarah: So behind them is a window showing oil rigs. You know, the kind that pump up and down? It’s very subtle. I can explain it to you if you need me to explain it to you, Amanda.

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: What the pumping, the, the oil rig pumping up and down? If you have any questions as to why that’s there.

Amanda: No.

Sarah: [Laughs]

Amanda: No.

Sarah: And then there’s this guy, and he’s got Joey Fatone’s beard from, what would you say?

Amanda: *NSYNC.

Sarah: *NSYNC, 2014, 2013?

Amanda: It is a well-, it’s a well-manicured beard. Very –

Sarah: It’s a line.

Amanda: – clean lines.

Sarah: Yeah.

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: And they are on a desk, I think? And her head is –

Amanda: Yeah, but the desk, they also have another oil rig down at the bottom. But –

Sarah: Under the desk there is another oil rig! [Laughs]

Amanda: So the desk essentially looks like a jerry-rigged desk where you put a plank of wood on top of two nightstands –

Sarah: Two file cabinets.

Amanda: – or filing cabinets.

Sarah: Yep.

Amanda: That’s exactly –

Sarah: Yep!

Amanda: – what it looks like. But it also looks like she’s lying on top of something as if the guy still had his giant, you know, like, paper desk calendar that people would write on?

Sarah: Yes! Yes.

Amanda: And she’s on top of that. Don’t like it.

Sarah: Yeah. And it doesn’t quite make sense that her hair is hanging down straight, but her head is supposed to be on the desk? My favorite two things is, number one, that this series takes place in Lusty, Texas. If, if you were wondering where this takes place, it takes place in Lusty, Texas. The other, the other thing about the two honchos is if you look at her breast, it is a torpedo? It is very long.

Amanda: Did they –

Sarah: It, it look –

Amanda: – Photoshop out her nipple?

Sarah: Oh yes, they have to Photoshop out the nipples. Nipples and ass crack –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – often had to be Photoshopped out because it would get caught in Amazon’s cover scanner.

Amanda: Sure.

Sarah: And this was even back then. But it, her, her breast is like, it looks like a short grain silo. It is very tubular –

Amanda: It’s like Madonna cone bra.

Sarah: Yes, but very rounded top, no nipple, and pointing straight up in the air, just, like –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – right, right at you. So those are the two honchos. Would you please look at what the two Benedicts are doing?

Amanda: That is a hazard. There’s, they’re by –

Sarah: [Laughs]

Amanda: – a fully – they’re naked –

Sarah: Yep.

Amanda: – in the midst of probably having sex by a fully laid out dinner setting. Like, we’re talking –

Sarah: Yes.

Amanda: – crystal glassware.

Sarah: Yep!

Amanda: You know, fine china. And –

Sarah: But they’re fading! They and the table –

Amanda: Yeah, no, they’re disappearing.

Sarah: – have merged. There’s, like, an opacity thing going on here where they have merged with the table setting?

Amanda: And I’m assuming – God, I hope their first names aren’t Benedict, ‘cause that would get confusing. I’m hoping their last names, they’re the Benedicts? And not, they’re both coincidentally have the first name, same first name.

Sarah: No, it’s Matthew and Steven Benedict. It’s their last name.

Amanda: Okay.

Sarah: Yeah.

Amanda: Are they brothers? I don’t like –

Sarah: Yes. Oh yes, they’re brothers.

Amanda: No, I don’t like that.

Sarah: They’re brothers. And she looks like she is – how do I say this delicately? Fully mounted in the expected –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – position for sexytimes activities. It, it looks like –

Amanda: Well, one of them is, like, listening to her boob as if it’s a seashell he found on the beach.

[Laughter]

Sarah: There’s the sound of the ocean!

Amanda: He can hear the ocean –

Sarah: [Laughs]

Amanda: – through her nipple!

Sarah: Of course you do! Oh my God.

Amanda: Yeah!

Sarah: So that was the two Benedicts.

And then we had, on the next page, Unbridled and Unbound, which is very small. I’m very sorry I could not find a larger one for this one. But –

Amanda: They’re also fading into a cabin.

Sarah: They’re fading into a cabin, and below that I think is a saddle. But the way the back curves, I thought one of them was half serpent, and I was looking at its tail. I was so confused.

Amanda: Sure, why not?

8Sarah: I mean, if you look at it in black and white, you can easily see that, like, oh, that does kind of look like a tail.

But then there’s Unbridled and Untethered, which I found while trying to find Unbridled and –

Amanda: I don’t like this one.

Sarah: – Unbound.

Amanda: That man’s leg looks like uncooked chicken.

Sarah: Why is his leg there? What’s his leg doing? [Laughs] He’s –

Amanda: I don’t like that.

Sarah: He’s kneeling on one knee, but the upright knee is over her thighs, and his foot is on the outside of her hip, and she’s lying back, and there’s another dude behind her who apparently is sunken into the earth or is half of a tree; I can’t really tell. But his leg is, what, like a full third of this image is his, his leg. Like, why? [Laughs]

Amanda: This feels like, have you heard of junk journaling? Where you just –

Sarah: Oh, absolutely!

Amanda: – accumulate things –

Sarah: Yes, absolutely.

Amanda: – and then you just, you know, collage them and scrapbook them –

Sarah: Yep.

Amanda: – until it just becomes a sort of amalgamation of garbage.

Sarah: Yes. Yes. Absolutely.

Amanda: [Laughs] This is –

Sarah: This is very, this is the cover of junk journaling. Yeah. You’re –

Amanda: This is a junk journaling.

Sarah: Fifteen covers on these two pages, and I am not lying when we could do two hours on just these ads.

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: Next up on this tour of horrors is Dixie Lynn Dwyer’s Where Love Conquers All. And it’s, it’s, okay, so it’s like a bank, White House-looking, Georgian, white stone building. Dude with a suit, and his tie is open, and he’s holding onto his tie, like, near the bottom, like he wants to show it to you. And then there’s a dude who’s shirtless with a red cummerbund and blue sweatpants.

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: And then there’s, like, Temu Jason Statham –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – in some underpants –

Amanda: Yes.

Sarah: – lounging on his side on a desk, but his legs are bent so he looks like he is two feet tall.

Amanda: He looks like a lounging seal.

Sarah: He looks like a lounging seal.

Amanda: You know how, like, seals lie on their side with their little flipper? That’s…

Sarah: He, he just looks like one long – it’s very strange.

Amanda: Yeah. What do you think –

Sarah: But what –

Amanda: – they’re all looking at? ‘Cause they’re all looking off –

Sarah: At something slightly different, right?

Amanda: Yeah. I think they’re all sort of like looking at us, but to the left.

Sarah: Oh yeah! They are!

Amanda: What are they all looking at?

Sarah: I don’t know. That’s super weird.

Amanda: That’s what I’m going – [laughs] – like –

Sarah: But then, the –

Amanda: – let’s capture their attention!

Sarah: – the worst part about this is her face. It has been –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – Photoshopped or retouched, or they put someone else’s face on this girl? Her eyes are not in focus; they are not aligned; one of them doesn’t have a pupil.

Amanda: Well, I wonder if her eyes are so light. Like, I wonder, they look like they could be like a very pale blue.

Sarah: Oh crap, you’re right!

Amanda: And that’s messing it up.

Sarah: It’s messing it up, because it’s also blurry. Like, none of these people are in the same depth of focus? They’re all in focus in different places, like close and far? And so she’s blurry. Like, her elbow is in focus, but her hair and her face are not. And it’s just, it’s very disorienting.

Next up on this terrible tour is It Begins with a Rogue’s Bite. Amanda, would you like to describe this cover? Ooh, mullets.

Amanda: Like –

Sarah: Oh my God, look at the tagline at the bottom!

Amanda: The background is like a wolf’s face, which always bodes well. But it’s also a wolf’s face and a jungle waterfall.

Sarah: Yes.

Amanda: The tagline is Haven for the Lustfully Damned, and it’s –

Sarah: [Laughs]

Amanda: – it’s three people –

Sarah: Haven for the Lustfully Damned!

Amanda: – under said jungle waterfall.

Sarah: Yep.

Amanda: There’s a woman and a man, butt to crotch. She’s, she’s the meat in this sandwich. I’m making hand gestures.

Sarah: They’re al-, it’s always her in the middle, yeah.

Amanda: And those two people are suckin’ face. They’re really going at it. And the other dude –

Sarah: She actually has, she actually has one of those really big grapes in her mouth, and they’re doing that icebreaker where you have to pass the grape from mouth to mouth.

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: It’s like the orange on your neck thing, but it’s more, more –

Amanda: And I kind of feel bad –

Sarah: – more likely to give you mono.

Amanda: – for the other guy!

Sarah: Oh, I feel bad for him too!

Amanda: I feel like he’s like, I feel like he’s given the old tap of, like, Hey, let me get in there. It’s my turn. Let me have the controller next. You know what I mean?

Sarah: Well his hand – [laughs] – let me have the controller.

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: His hand isn’t even on her back. It’s like he’s putting the backs of his fingers on this guy’s chest like, Hey, hey, heyheyhey. Also, it looks like –

Amanda: Give me a chance!

Sarah: Right? He also looks like young Br-, Brandon – Mummy. Brandon –

Amanda: [Laughs] Brendan?

Sarah: Brendan –

Amanda: [Still laughing] Brendan Fraser?

Sarah: Thank you! I, all my brand-, all my, all my Brandons that my brain would give me was Sanderson, and I’m like, no, it’s not Brandon Sanderson, but it’s Brandon from The Mummy, Brandon –

Amanda: Yeah, it’s Brendan Sanderson.

Sarah: – Fraser. Thank you. He looks like, sort of like early Brendan Fraser. But also the, the middle, the, this, the, the sandwich filling and the right bread, they are –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – also appear to be mounted. They appear to be joined like Legos.

Amanda: Conjoined. And I –

Sarah: They are, they’re joined like Legos.

Amanda: Look, I feel bad for the left bread here –

Sarah: Yeah, left bread is –

Amanda: – because, I don’t know if it’s the wolf’s face getting in the way, but as my mom would say, His ass looks like a frog wearing a pair of jeans. There is nothing there. Just a frog and a pair of denim. You know what I mean? Just nothing.

Sarah: [Gasp-laughing] Frog wearing a pair of – I’m sorry, that just killed me. I’m sorry. [Sniffles, whimpers]

Amanda: Just, like, flat.

Sarah: Gonna need a tissue now. Oh my God.

Amanda: Compared – [laughs] – compared to the other, compared to –

Sarah: Now, right bread –

Amanda: – meat and right bread –

Sarah: – right bread has a badonkadonk.

Amanda: Caked up.

Sarah: Yes. Cake in the back, probably brick in the, bricked in the front. He’s, he’s –

Amanda: Yeah, bricked up, caked up. [Laughs]

Sarah: – right, right bread has quite a heft, yes. Left bread –

Amanda: This man –

Sarah: – has no ass. He has no ass!

Amanda: Left bread is left out is what’s happening.

Sarah: [Laughs] A frog wearing jeans. Oh my God!

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: Oh boy. [Sniffles]

Finally, the last cover that I wanted to talk about on this ad is bottom right of the second page of this ad. I swear I thought this said A Bride for Two Sturds, because this typeface is terrible. And I’m like, maybe if I look at it in color, it’s better. No, it’s worse. It’s worse –

Amanda: Look –

Sarah: – in color. It looked –

Amanda: – the way the way – [laughs] – the way these covers are, if it was A Bride for Two Sturds, I think we would all just accept it and move on?

Sarah: Sure! Absolutely. Benedicts, Sturds, why not?

Amanda: Sturds. Why not?

Sarah: Yep.

And if you look on the right there, Corralling the Stones, dude top right looks bored. Like, his lips are pursed –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – his hat is still on. He’s like, Ugh, you started without me.

Amanda: Well, he’s like, Did I leave the oven on?

Sarah: [Laughs] Oh my God, look at this – okay. The woman in Pole Position by Natalie Acres, I thought his bent leg was her leg and that she was just, like, spread eagle on that couch, but that’s his leg.

Amanda: Oh my God, yeah! There’s so many legs happening? [Laughs]

Sarah: There’s so many legs! Why are there –

Amanda: You know – [laughs] –

Sarah: – so many?

Amanda: – you know those old brain teasers where it looks like a bunch of, like, strings that are in a knot and it’s like, you have to find each of the ends –

Sarah: Yes.

Amanda: – for this? [Laughs]

Sarah: It is exactly that. I cannot find a color version of this cover, but in black and white –

Amanda: Maybe that’s for the best.

Sarah: It’s probably for the best for all of us. It really does look like she is spread-eagled, and they all have six legs.

Amanda: Oh my goodness.

Sarah: And if you’re curious, the back cover was Sherryl Woods’ The Summer Garden.

Amanda: Yeah, what a real – [laughs] –

Sarah: Right? Like, we –

Amanda: – what a real tonal change.

Sarah: – we went from several sandwiches to The Summer Garden with a little gazebo and some flowers on the cover. Like, it’s –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – such a shift, such a shift.

Amanda: Nary, nary a flank to be seen.

Sarah: And this was pretty indicative of this time, because when we were looking at Contemporary in the reviews episode, a lot of those books were very, like, small town, garden, window box; like, it was all garden-y, flowery stuff on the covers, not so much people. Like, you know, a gazebo, a, a wheelbarrow full of flowers. It was all very bucolic and garden images. So you have that, and then you have the Erotica section, where it’s just like tits and legs and extra butts, and right bread and left bread. The, the difference between where those two genres are at this time is truly two very, two separate continents at this point.

Amanda: Yeah, yeah.

Sarah: What was your overall impression of this episode, of this, of this issue?

Amanda: Ads and features, much better in my opinion than the reviews offering –

Sarah: Mm-hmm.

Amanda: – much more entertaining?

Sarah: Oh yeah, the reviews are kind of mid, I agree.

Amanda: I mean, the Siren Publishing stuff alone for sure, right?

Sarah: Yeah. Mm-hmm! That was, that was worth the time it took to scan this baby and – whoo!

Amanda: And also, like, cover trends that felt very indicative of the time period. And I’m –

Sarah: Yes, that’s so true.

Amanda: – curious, sort of, like, you know, a decade from now, what –

Sarah: So in 2036, yeah.

Amanda: – to know, looking at the cover trends for like 2026. Like, will we be saying, Oh, these illustrated covers are very indicative of like 2026?

Sarah: There’s no question we’ll be like, That is, it’s – and all of the romantasy, black background, spiky, icy skull, crown, dagger, sword, flowers – yeah.

Amanda: It tells me nothing. It’s just, you’re doing a flat lay. Cool. Whatever.

Sarah: Yeah! It, it, all of those flat lays in Instagram have become book covers. [Laughs] Only it’s like death, skull, spear. Yeah.

This, this is, this is one of those issues where there weren’t any books that grabbed me. The features were exactly what I expected. I did not expect to see myself in there; that was a new one. But it, it was like, yes, this is where the genre was at this time. You had a lot –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – of tension between the sexual, sexuality of erotica and the very, like, almost, this was, contemporary was kind of in a twee period at this point?

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: Yeah.

Amanda: I wonder now, though, if, I’m very curious if, like, people feel like romance is having a bit of an identity crisis?

Sarah: Oh yeah, I think people do. I think people do. Because you have –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – all of these different things being called romance, and so now we have, like, whole, whole new words for whole, like, not just genres, but types of book. Like, romantasy describes multiple things now, not just that one type of book.

Amanda: Oh, I got, like, annoyed the other day ‘cause I was assigned a book for BookPage. I read it.

Sarah: Mm-hmm.

Amanda: Beautiful, lovely. Was not a romance. And I had to tell them, Hey, I enjoyed this book. It’s not a romance. And my editor was like, What do you mean? Let’s chat about it! And I was like, Even though it’s labeled romantasy on Goodreads, which I know that shelf, the shelving is, like, crowdsourced of, like –

Sarah: Yeah.

Amanda: – people decide what to shelve it?

Sarah: Right.

Amanda: It, there is no on-the-page HEA. And I don’t want to spoil much of anything else in case people want to read it, but it’s not what I would consider romance. The author doesn’t really market it as a romance either? I think the author was very careful with her language of how she was marketing it.

Sarah: Interesting.

Amanda: It’s very much a love story; there is a romantic element.

Sarah: Love story. Interesting!

Amanda: But it is not a happily, on-the-page Happily Ever After at all. And my editor agreed with me, like, once I spoiled the ending. She’s like, Yeah, sounds like it’s a historical fantasy, and then, you know, there might be some romantic elements, but there’s, it’s not a central romance. And she’s like, I’m really annoyed that the publisher sent it to me –

Sarah: As a romance.

Amanda: – as a romance, and I’m the romance editor. And I’m like –

Sarah: Well, I mean, romant-, slapping the word romantasy on a book means that you have a built-in audience that’s going to ask about it, because for some, some readers, that’s really all they want to read is that particular set of feelings and tropes. Like, they love it. Which, more power to them.

Amanda: Well, like –

Sarah: They, they are feasting, and I am glad for them. But you, that also means that you’re going to get, like, Oh this is a romantasy; it has a, it has some fangs in it. There we go. And it’s like, Okay, well, the heroine has a Pomeranian. That’s not romantasy.

Amanda: Yeah, it’s like this, romantasy still means romance and fantasy, and there are very important expectations for a romance.

Sarah: Yes, that is absolutely true.

Amanda: And I feel like –

Sarah: And we’re not debating whether or not we need an HEA –

Amanda: No.

Sarah: – we’re not debating that here. [Laughs]

Amanda: No! Because I think I would have given that book a star if it delivered on the romance, because –

Sarah: Mm-hmm.

Amanda: – everything else was good, and I went into it and the editor assigned it thinking this was going to be a romance. And so people who go into it with those expectations of, Hey, it’s a romantasy, and are expecting a satisfying romantic conclusion –

Sarah: Right.

Amanda: – are not going to get that.

Sarah: That’s very frustrating, though.

Amanda: [Lolsobs]

Sarah: So this was a, this was an okay issue!

Amanda: Yeah. I feel like – and maybe I’m wrong – I feel like we have yet to have an issue that really knocks it out of the park on both fronts? It’s either skewed –

Sarah: Yeah.

Amanda: – the reviews and books are so good, or the –

Sarah: Mm-hmm.

Amanda: – ads and features are so good, and –

Sarah: Yep.

Amanda: – we haven’t had, like, a, a double whammy.

Sarah: I wonder if that was part of their editorial planning. Like, okay, we know that in March we’re going to have ads and we’re going to be talking about, you know – like, for example, February: we’re talking about Lothaire; we’re going to talk about this other book. Maybe in a month where they know they’re going to have a lot of big books, they put the more meaty features in the epi-, in the issues that don’t have big books coming out that month. I mean, if I were in charge of editorial, that would be a strategy I would employ, so at least every month there’s something to talk about?

I think my favorite thing about doing these episodes with you, though, is that we start to talk about romance history and how much it’s changed since these, you know, these issues come out? And it’s, it, a lot of it is not any different; it’s just recurring. [Laughs] We all –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – we are reduce, reusing, and recycling all the time.

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: There’s like four plots.

Amanda: Or, like, very similar, but with, like, a slight repackaging, right?

Sarah: Yep. But it’s all part of this continuum. And we’ve been doing this for so long that we’re like, almost like elders or, you know, like, we’re just, we’re the old, we’re the institutional knowledge of, of romance internet. Like, we, we are aware of the old magic; we were there when it was written.

Amanda: Yeah!

[outro]

Sarah: And that brings us to the end of this week’s episode. And I must ask: what was the thing that you were obsessed with when you were younger? Was it mythology; was it Anastasia; was it something else? I think there are – oh, horses? I was in school with a lot of horse girls. I’m curious, what was the thing you were obsessed with when you were younger? And also, do you too love historical pettiness? Do you have a favorite example? I would dearly love to hear it so very, very much. So much!

You can email me at Sarah@smartbitchestrashybooks.com, or if you’re in the podcast Patreon, you can post a comment on this entry in Patreon, and I would love to know what your favorite obsessions and historical pettiness examples are.

And while I am asking questions: our next RT Rewind will be the third anniversary of our starting this goofy project, and I would dearly love to know what you have learned about romance from RT Rewind. What have you learned? What have you discovered? Are there books that you learned about? Are there authors you hadn’t heard of? I would truly, truly love to know how this project has helped you understand romance – if it has! Maybe it hasn’t; maybe it’s just, Wow, look at those covers, which is also what I’m doing here. But if you would like to share with me how RT Rewind has changed or updated or, or even not changed your view of romance as a genre, of the magazine – please tell me all your thoughts, basically. You can email me at Sarah@smartbitchestrashybooks.com; you can post on the Patreon post; you can message me. Lots of, lots of options, but please tell me! I would love to know, and I would love to include your comments in the episode, because we’re going to be talking about what we’ve learned! Which is a lot of things. [Laughs] Many, many things.

As always, I end with a terrible joke. This week’s joke comes from another Discord that I am in, and I have learned that the word for that is elsecord, as in elsewhere on a Discord, so elsecord. On another Discord, I heard this joke, and it’s terrible, so immediately I put it in the show notes for this week.

Why do physical therapists make great driving instructors?

Give up? Why do physical therapists make great driving instructors?

They have fine motor skills.

[Laughs] I actually want to send that to my old physical therapist, because they would groan at me to my face! Fine motor skills!

On behalf of everyone here, including Wilbur, we wish you the very best of reading! Have a wonderful weekend, and we will see you back here next week. And in the words of my favorite retired podcast Friendshipping, thank you for listening. You’re welcome for talking!

[end of music]