Welcome back to Cover Snark!
From Kerri: There’s a whole lot going on in the background, but I’m really distracted by the plank through his skull. I wonder if that has a negative impact on his pirating.
Sarah: Ok who does that model look like? The resemblance is bugging me.
Amanda: I bet it’s one of those fake props to intimidate his enemies.
Sarah: So this guy uses the plank through the head, another pirate uses the arrow-through-the-head headband, and a third will use Groucho Marx glasses? Excellent plan to startle the enemies
Amanda: Now the resemblance is bugging me too
Sarah: Some actor.
Like Taika Waititi and Kyle MacLachlan had a baby? And also some abs?
Susan: Have we done this one?
Because sir, your hair appears to be escaping
(I was looking for the Francesca Flores book, but that’s not what Kobo brought me)
Lara: His eyebrows are… decisive.
Sarah: VERY decisive.
Amanda: Interesting choice to have a real model mixed with a Second Life model.
Sneezy: I wish they chose to be less interesting. The dude is the visual equivalent of plasticine
Amanda: Prowling?
How do you prowl someone?
Lara: Also what in the mannequin is going on with those dudes?
Elyse: Dude on the left looks like he’s wearing a person suit
Amanda: Definitely trying to “act natural.”
Sneezy: Rejected Ken doll prototypes, maybe? Also the woman’s hip looks…truncated? Or something? I can’t make out if the left dude’s second leg is supposed to be behind her leg or in front of it.
From Syntha: The expressions on their faces are LOL.
Sarah: I am mad that they spotted me and I can’t keep shamelessly eavesdropping on their debate about why the sky is red while also making jokes about full moons.
Elyse: They both look like someone watching them just farted very loudly.
Sneezy: I have every confidence they’ll get right back to business as soon as we clear out.
The first cover reminds me of Stephen Tyler without the mustache and wrinkles but with the white streak in his hair.
“Moonlight Phoenixes” – Steve Harrington leaves Hawkins, IN, for better prospects in the big city, only to have his plans derailed by wildfires and his mysterious new neighbour, Archie Andrews…oh, and his hands seem to belong to a much hairier man.
The dude on #1 looks like some sort of combo of Kit Harington and Matt Dillon.
The guy on #2 looks like he’s bragging that he’s got bigger boobs than she does.
And those brows need some plucking.
We have a bumper crop this week. For #1, I see Marlon Brando, especially the upper half of the face, and he was pretty buff in in his younger days. Also #3, why are their belts glowing?
Guy on #1 says Colin Farrel to me. The guy on the left in #3 looks like a cut-rate Chris Evans.
@Andrea2 I agree with the idea that the guy on the first cover looks like a long lost member of Aerosmith, BUT it’s the gutarist Joe Perry he looks like. Right down to the white streak in his hair.
My headcanon for #3 is that the guys are aliens and somehow decided that shopping in the grandpa department of JC Penney was the best choice for their human disguises. That is how they ended up with giant white belts and flat-butt pants. There is also a mannequin factory somewhere wondering who stole two torsos with messed-up joints off the reject pile.
Guy #1 looks like if Aaron Tveit and Henry Cahill had a kid!
I’m getting David Arquette vibes from the guy in #1
Book twos chest looks like it’s about to unzip and reveal the real creature that is wearing him like a skin suit
I want to home in on Prowling their Mates, because even if the design had been flawlessly executed, with appropriately positioned and garbed human models, with a grammatically plausible title . . . in what universe is “two men restraining one scantily clad woman in a lonely outdoor night setting” meant to be a turn-on?
The Witch and the Vampire guy reminds me of photos from high school parties where everyone’s smiling except for one really drunk guy at the end of the couch who is staring off into the abyss.
It’s Victor Webster!!!! From like 2001 – his Mutant X days
https://m.imdb.com/title/tt0283203/mediaviewer/rm78884097/
There was an actress who talked about doing kissing scenes, and how a lot of selfish actors would intentionally cup the woman’s face with their hands during the kiss….not because it’s romantic or anything, but because the end result is that his face is the one in focus, while hers is obscured. And that’s all I can think about with that last cover.
The guys on the cover of Prowling their Mate are definitely Doctor Who aliens in disguise and nobody can tell me otherwise. Everyone there may be a Doctor Who alien. Including whoever chose the name “Prowling their Mate”.
on #2
Him: “Because I said so. So there!”
Her: “Oh, god, not this again …”
Good gods, the Prowling cover is just a cavalcade of bad decisions, but all else aside, why does the guy on the left look so much like Chris Evans???
#1 Is guitarist Joe Perry from Aerosmith!!! 🙂
#1 is raven-haired version of Josh Dallas from ONCE UPON A TIME and MANIFEST (and possibly Chord Overstreet from GLEE)
More like Joe Perry but if you’re getting Steven vibes why not?
The cover for MOONLIGHT PHOENIXES (or should that be PHOENICES?) reminds me that SBTB hasn’t hosted a “Caption That Cover” post in a while. I’m sure the Bitchery would bring their A-game for the guy on the left!
Christopher Lambert, back in the day.
(This might just be me showing my age.)
The next book after Prowling their Mate came up on a discount book list today. I knew it was the same series without even checking as it was the same style of alien suit guys and cake doll bottom woman.
First guy made me think James Franco trying to have some sort of guy Cruella phase with his hair.
I swear, I was gazing at the moonlight phoenixes and the eyes sshifted side to side. Creepy af.
#1 gives me James Franco playing Tommy Wiseau (of The Room cult movie infamy) vibes.
I was looking at ebook sales and thought, “Wait, they changed the cover?!” No. There’s a sequel… and I still have questions… https://www.amazon.com/Stalking-their-Mate-Paranormal-Romance-ebook/dp/B07ZTL2LCM?ref_=ast_author_dp
Now the Dr. Who vibe I’m getting is from the guy on the left on Moonlight Phoenixes (Phoenii?) – wee bit of a David Tennant with cat eye makeup vibe
We are all Inigo Montoya, telling the author of *Prowling the Mate*: “That word; I do not think it means what you think it means.”
This is the awfullest crop of awful covers you’ve had in a while!
I think dude on Cover #1 looks like Owen Wilson!