It’s a Monday! Can we interest you in some Cover Snark?
From Amy: Is this cover snark worthy? or is it just another alien dude checking himself out?
Sarah: Both? Both. Yes, both.
Amanda: There are so many.
Sarah: What are they looking for? Are they surprised? Is this a conversation?
Amanda: Wait a sec, this wasn’t here a minute ago.
Elyse: So. Shiny.
Sarah: Did it just bring me a beer? Nice!
Carrie: Every time we have this kind of cover I have the same comment: I appreciate positive body image and self-pleasure, and yet I feel that anyone that enamored of their own genitalia is not going to be that into me.
From Meg
Sarah: Why. Why are there so many covers of dudes looking down at their junk. Why. WHY.
Was there a cover model mandate, like “Everybody! Look down!”
Instead of listening to the Men Without Hats directive that “everybody look at your hands” the cover models get, “LOOK DOWN. NOW.”
Lara: It’s exhausting!
Shana: I just do not get this mandate. Has it ever been hot? I can’t think of a single cover where it worked
Carrie: Let’s not.
Amanda: I just picture him as a mall Santa. Sir, this is a Sbarro.
Amanda: I can’t stop laughing at those comically large buttons
Maya: Do you think the help she needs from the bachelor is figuring out all manner of fasteners?
Amanda: “You know these could be smaller. They have the technology now.”
Sarah: This is another cover pose that baffles me. Who lies down like this?
AJ: I know we already snarked this same book but I just need you all to know that WITHIN ALIEN ARMS HAS A SECOND COVER.
I’m honestly finding this one even more confusing. What’s wrong with his skin? Is it like, that crackle glaze pottery? Is he microwave safe? SO MANY QUESTIONS
Amanda: My brain is just blaring Creed’s “With Arms Wide Open”
Tara: This has been in my head all day since reading this comment this morning.
Amanda: I’m so sorry.
Elyse: Did anyone see two giant arms not four? Or is that just me?
Susan: How do those shoulders work???
Sarah: I want to give this individual a very large tub of Eucerin.
AJ: So I’m reading the four armed alien book because I had so much dang fun with the pandas I wanted to read more crazy covers. It was actually going really good but then they just like…start kissing randomly in the middle of a serious conversation about intergalactic politics. Also like 5 minutes after they meet. And maybe I’m just a slow burn bitch but ARGH this makes no narrative sense and it BOTHERS ME.
All I know about muscular males comes from romance novels, but why do Orion’s pecs look like they’re about the hatch?
There’s an old joke that men give names to their p*n*ses because they don’t want so many of their decisions being made by a stranger.
Cover-model maven here: the pose is referred to as the “oiled-up look-down” and every cover model has at least one shot of it in his portfolio. I guess it’s supposed to make the guy look pensive and sensitive, but instead just seems to indicate fatal self-absorption. “Hey dude, I’m right here. Would you stop looking at that thing for a minute and look up. I’m trying to talk here!”
Within Alien Arms guy definitely has four arms, you can see the hands on the end of the back arms just above the title, and the double shoulder too. Pretty yuck.
And the “oiled-up look-down” (thank you DDD) is a complete turn off for me too, that much absorption in his own junk is not a winning trait.
It is no coincidence that my reactions ran in tandem with the Bitchery. How could they not? But this would seem to suggest that neither you nor I are the target audience for this particular marketing department’s efforts.
Orion: No worries, my dude, it’s still there. But–this is becoming an all-too-common plaint–if “Intergalactic Dating Agency” is the series title, what’s the individual volume title? “Orion”? “Arkadian Alien Mail-Order Brides”? Both? And what have mail-order brides got to do with anything? Is this like checking that your electrical outlets are in order before unpacking the new electronic gadget?
Let’s Get Naughty: YES, ffs, it’s still there. At least the subtitle offers encouragement: “Limited Edition” means there won’t be all that many. Perhaps your local supermarket’s mass-market paperback display rack won’t feature this particular offering.
Stealing the Bachelor: OK, now wait. If “Stealing the Heart” is the series title, then what else is slated for theft? Stealing the Widower, all right. Stealing the fiancé, stealing the boyfriend, stealing the husband? Or–hideous thought–is it more along the lines of Stealing the Survivor, Stealing the {reality-show title of your choice}?
Within Alien Arms: Within those arms? Thanks, I’ll pass. And that remains true if there are simply four of them, rather than–as my eyes, like Elyse’s, initially claimed–two comically oversized ones. And, er, that subtitle should really have been tried out on a test group. I can’t decide whether a Ragrim is the frayed edges of a rag, or the galactic fringe where everything starts looking raggedy, or the state of your rims when the nearest auto parts store is several parsecs away.
@Todd: Now that you mention it, his left shoulder does look at if something is about to burst out. Ouch.
The “Stealing the Bachelor” cover seems like the Inspie version of 69.
Let’s get Naughty……Santa’s present just popped up.
I’ve always wondered if the “oiled-up look-down” pose was a way to avoid showing the model’s full face (a trend that started several years ago that I’ve always despised) but without cutting off his head (a frequent way used to avoid showing the model’s full face that I’ve despised even more). While I adore a manly bare chest, I also like to see that the torso is not the whole story (that seems kind of dehumanizing to me). Or maybe I’m thinking too much.
Within Alien Arms–think he got too many of the Incredible Hulk’s gamma rays and super serum.
What have Mail Order Brides got to do with it? Well, the series is part of an overall series of mail order brides. Yes, the cover is a bit naff but I’ve enjoyed the series, indeed all of Tasha Black’s book.