Cover Snark: Lil’ Dingo

Cover Snark, ahoy!

Dingo Wild by Lexxie Couper. A shirtless man and a dingo in the outback are both gazing at the man's crotch.

Amanda: I think we can all agree they’re both staring at his dongus.

Sarah: OR AT HIS LIL’ DINGO.

Sneezy: He seems mighty displeased by what he sees.

Catherine: Given his arm placement, I don’t think he is just looking at his lil’ dingo.

Ellen: All I can think is A WILD DINGO APPEARS!! And dingo is a euphemism.

Sheikh's Bed by Rachel Cade. A man's bare chest is lit from the side, making every goosebump, vein, and perky nipple really stand out.

Shana: I think the nipple and veins are mesmerizing, but not in a good way.

Also, the blurb calls him “the dark-haired arrogant prince who’d vowed to charm his way into her heart.”

Amanda: I was immediately taken back to my college film classes. “So is this what they mean by chiaroscuro?”

Elyse: I hate that the nipple is staring at me.

Tara: I can’t tell if he has goosebumps or if they gave his skin a sandpaper effect.

Sneezy: Tara, I second that. The dude needs to go see a dermatologist.

Sarah: He’s clearly rather cold. Please allow him to put on a shirt?

Tara: That shirt would also solve the problem of the creepy, staring nipple…

Catherine: Thirding the dermatology referral. That skin is just not right.

Ellen: I, too, am very concerned for his health.

Fitzwilliam Darcy Traitor by Jennifer Joy. A broody man appears to be disappearing below the knees while the heroine blatantly ignores him. The title font is bright yellow outlined in black.

Lara: Can we have a special post on the horror that is a light font with a black border…as evident in this masterpiece….

Tara: That’s some real commitment to it.

Elyse: Are his legs missing below the knee?

Sarah: He floats! He’s a witch!

Tara:

Monty Python's Holy Grail - Burn The Witch

make funny GIFs like this at MakeaGif

Ellen: HE TURNED ME INTO A NEWT!!

I am somewhat ashamed to admit that the thing that bothers me most about this cover is the missing comma in the title. It should DEFINITELY be “Fitzwilliam Darcy, Traitor”

CarrieS: Given the windswept moors I have a suspicion that this might be one of those “Austen and Brontes are the same, right?” books. (They aren’t).

Blind Man's Bluff by Ivy James. The whole cover is washed out in a sepia tone. The hero looks sad, maybe because the zipper on his cozy fleece jacket is broken.

Amanda: His abs look like a fresh batch of parker house rolls.

Tara: I thought the title was Ivy James at first.

Shana: It’s not? Oh wait, yes. That title placement is very strange.

Also, his eyes look dead inside.

Amanda: Well his abs have been scooped out and replaced with bread.

Maya: He looks like an extremely sleepy Chris Messina

Amanda: I’d tuck Mr. Messina into bed, if you catch my drift.

Ellen: It looks like the abs from a Ken doll have been photoshopped on a real human torso and that upsets me.

CarrieS: Why would a person wear a jacket and no shirt? And not zip it? Is he cold, or not?

Comments are Closed

  1. Betsydub says:

    Um – is Dingo Wild the even-blacker sheep of that crazy bunch of kids Eloisa James keeps writing about? He must be the one who got conked over the head by thugs who then sold his unconscious (but totally ripped) body to a convict ship bound for New South Wales. They seem to have made off with his nipples, too (and what is oozing from under his left pec, eh?).
    Or – maybe the dingo ate his nipples!!
    (I’m sorry, but you guys left that one wide open)

  2. Antipodean Shenanigans says:

    DINGOES ATE MY PENIS!

    (Apologies to Meryl Streep, all Australians, etc.)

  3. DiscoDollyDeb says:

    Dingo: “Ummm, ya know what? I don’t think I’m gonna shift back to human form for a while. Well, off to chase some rabbits! See ya around.”

  4. MirandaB says:

    FYI, your cross-stitch link for the Stuff We Like post is broken. I can’t leave a comment there, either.

  5. SB Sarah says:

    Sorry about that, and thank you for the heads up. All fixed!

  6. Merle says:

    Cover 1: Don’t they make dog treats out of bull genitalia? Perhaps the dingo is considering trying a variation?
    Cover 3: Why are there at least 2 fonts in the title, and 3 different font sizes? Are you supposed to whisper “Fitzwilliam”, shout “Darcy”, and say “Traitor” in a normal voice, like some sort of variation on John, Jacob, Jingleheimer Schmidt?
    Cover 4: Those eyes are beyond creepy. Is he sedated, possessed, a zombie, all of the above?

  7. Sandra says:

    Why does Darcy look like a riverboat gambler? And props to Elizabeth for being fully dressed, although I don’t think silver lace is really appropriate for the great outdoors.

  8. DonnaMarie says:

    Is The stone gap the one between his pecs, because that has to be some sort of marble breast plate? That is the most unnatural looking sternum I’ve ever seen.

  9. SusanE says:

    #1
    Whatever they’re staring at must be pretty disgusting for both of them.

    #2
    Why is his skin green?

    #3
    If the story is about an unnamed person who betrays Fitzwilliam Darcy, there is no comma needed. He does look like he’s already starting to suspect someone.

    #4
    That gap in his chest looks like the scar my father had after his open heart surgery, except it’s lower. Open ab surgery? Mpreg C-section?

  10. Kareni says:

    The placement of the tree trunk makes it appear that the dingo has a horn … or something.

  11. DiscoDollyDeb says:

    @DonnaMarie & SusanE: those scars look like the result of a really bad pec-implant job. Paging the doctors from “Botched.”

  12. EC Spurlock says:

    That dingo is clearly expecting a treat. Mr Dingo is clearly not.

    I think they may have used a “pencil sketch” filter on the Sheik to make it look hand-drawn but it didn’t work as expected. And those veins make me shudder. Maybe Mr Stone Gap should lend the Sheik his hoodie? He’s not even protecting his own abs with it, let alone his heroine.

    Did Clark Gable ever play Darcy? I feel like that’s him on that cover, thinking “Whoa, how the hell long is the train on that gown?”

  13. Louise says:

    Sheik’s Bed: OK, I know this isn’t Blurb Snark, but … “the dark-haired arrogant prince who’d vowed to charm his way into her heart”? When did you last meet a blond sheik? And how arrogant can he be, if he’s planning on using charm rather than proceeding directly to What The Sheik Wants, The Sheik Gets? (Irrelevant tangent: Not long ago I saw a British documentary that happened to mention the old movie The Sheik. At first I didn’t know what the narrator was talking about, because she pronounced “sheik” conventionally. Evidently she’d never seen the ads “Shriek! For the sheik will seek you too!”)

    Fitzwilliam Darcy, comma, Traitor: “Can we have a special post on the horror that is a light font with a black border?” How ’bout a special post on fonts with gratuitously weirdly-shaped capitals leading to inescapable misreadings, in this case “Who the heck is Fitzwilliam Nancy?”

    Blind Man’s Bluff: Is that an intentionally punning title involving a blind man (come to think of it, there is something odd about the cover model’s eyes) bluffing, or do the author and her publishers think that’s really what it’s called?

  14. Sandra says:

    @EC Spurlock: Gable — no, although he was supposed to. Laurence Olivier ended up in the part opposite Greer Garson. Not a version I ever cared for.

  15. j says:

    Is that meant to be hair at the top of sStone Gap Man’s chest? If it isn’t he needs to see a dermaatologist even more than the Sheikh does.

  16. EC Spurlock says:

    @Sandra: Thank you, I couldn’t remember. I don’t believe I have seen that version and while I tend to love old movies I somehow am not sure how that casting would work. Better than Clark Gable, though.

    And it finally connected: the two dingoes are hunting in the bush.

  17. KitBee says:

    On cover #1, I’m very disturbed that I can’t figure out where his nipples are. Covered by the shirt, I guess…but then they’d be in super weird positions, wouldn’t they? Or would they? I can’t decide and it is driving me crazy!

  18. Sandra says:

    @EC Spurlock: They were both big stars at time, so that’s how they got cast, even though they were both old enough to be Eliza and Darcy’s parents. The time period was changed to the 1830’s with outrageous costumes, and they tweaked the plot to get past the Hayes Code censors. (Mr Collins became a librarian, because you couldn’t diss on a minister. Lady Catherine deBourgh was really just kidding, and was totally fine with Eliza marrying Darcy.) But mainly, I was never a fan of Olivier. It seemed to me that his acting style that worked on the stage didn’t translate well to screen.

  19. DiscoDollyDeb says:

    @Also—fun fact: the screenplay for the Olivier-Garson version of P&P was co-written by Aldous Huxley. Brave new world, indeed!

  20. Zyva says:

    Your dingo wordplay reminds me a little of the dad in ‘My Big Fat Greek Wedding’ claiming that the word ‘kimono’ derived from ancient Greek. (It’s all the funnier considering the canine element in your site name.)

    Chances are excellent that the *oldest continuous culture in the world* includes a language group whose root word for dingo long predates Germanic ding- (meaning ‘thing’) words.
    As a comparison, though in another medium, there is rock art of a megafauna pre-emu only otherwise found as bones and footprints.

    As for the Chamberlain case, commentors, there is lasting fallout. It was a forensic error at the source. We DID have the tech to tell industrial iron on everything from living in a factory town apart from haemologlobin ie iron in bloodstains.
    But it snowballed instead. And next we had a pendulum swing in a very destructive directive. Not that ‘see criminality where it isn’t’ was constructive, but neither is ‘disbelieve victims’. After the Chamberlain exoneration, when the next suspicious parent case came along, the High Court reversed a conviction for incestuous child sexual victimisation in 1993. There was strong immediate outcry evidence, even – unusually.
    Australians may be feeling a little humourless about this chain of events after the Pell result. Especially Victorians.

  21. Zyva says:

    Turns out a Fitzwilliam got a Perrot (claimed Austen relatives) sacked from his job as ‘boss’ of Ireland and executed as a traitor in about Elizabethan times. Austen, perhaps, got a bit of belated revenge with her repulsively arrogant Georgian character, but unless there is some sort of Hamiltonian turn of phrase here ie rebel/republican = ‘traitor’, or something, this fanfic is taking ‘the sins of the fathers’ to a new high tide mark of unfair.

Comments are closed.

By posting a comment, you consent to have your personally identifiable information collected and used in accordance with our privacy policy.

↑ Back to Top