This week: costume drama, as in ‘How much drama do costume portrayals like these cause among those who, you know, do research?’
Sarah: Between the ruffles and the puffy sleeves and the vest, I had to giggle. The ice dancing puff-shouldered heroine was worth a snort, too. But the incredibly bendy legs of the horse? Oh, holy shit.
Candy: Miss Manners on graceful abduction-on-horseback etiquette: “Gentle abductee: The new rage when being pulled off your feet by frilly-shirted men on horseback is to struggle for freedom, but it seems to Miss Manners that this new development lacks a certain couthness and grace. Try arching your back to present a flattering profile, and remember to keep that pinkie up. Packing your own fan to ensure your tresses stream behind you is, however, gauche at best, and implies that your abductor does not know his job. In this particular instance, Miss Manners would like to gently remind you that natural is best.”
Sarah: Nobody forgets the nude dude at the garden party, that’s for sure.
Candy: Titles that were briefly contemplated for this cover before being discarded:
“The Nudist and the Drag Queen”
“Is That Really a Third Nipple?”
“Still Life with Schlong and Potted Geranium”
“For the Love of a Dead-Faced Hooker”
Sarah: Nothing but NOTHING says “Scottish” like slops. And purple hose. In the ocean.
Candy: What the fuck are those black smudges on his chest? Are they supposed to be chest hair? I mean, I have full sympathy for artists trying to depict chest hair without making it look smudgy, but seriously: the bits on his sternum look like grease paint. The better to accentuate his top-notch man-titty?