No, I’m not actually giving away a corpse flower, though I’ve got four cats and an elderly dog, not to mention two boys under 4, so I’ve got no shortage of stanky options, should you desire odoriferous prizes.
But this here is not at ALL a stinky giveaway. Lauren Willig’s new book, The Temptation of the Night Jasmine debuted at #19 on the New York Times Bestseller list this week, and she and her publisher have offered a rather spiffy prize to celebrate.
Four lucky readers will win a hardcover copy of The Temptation of the Night Jasmine. One lucky winner will win the grand prize: a complete set of all five books in the Pink Carnation series.
All you have to do is come up with the #1 Most Rejected Title for Willig’s next book. The first book was titled The Secret History of the Pink Carnation. The second: The Masque of the Black Tulip. The naming scheme continues for the rest of the series.
Rejected titles should follow the format, and be as hilariously bad as possible. My suggestions: “Suspicion of the Swamp Blossom” or “Defection of the Coffin Flower.” “Gravitas of the Poison Sumac.” Or, if Willig makes the jump to historical erotica, “The Lotus Blossom’s Lotus Blossom.”
Comments are live for 24 hours – so ready, set, and grab your corpse blossom. Winners will be announced Friday 6 February.
How about The Seizing of the Sneezweed?
The Calling of the Cockscomb?
The Siren Song of Sweet Peas?
Or my favorite, The Mugwort Conundrum.
The Inveiglement of the Ixia (Alliterates better than “African Corn Lily”)
The Snare of the Venus Fly Trap
The Bating of the Baby’s Breath
The Scent of the Golden Shower Orchid
The Inhaling of the Smoked Weed
The Hallucinations from the Nightshade
The Delirium of the Thorn Apple
The Washing of the Bottlebrush
The Deflation of the Balloon Flower
The Depths of the Blue Throatwort
The Rapture of the Fleshy Clapdaisy
The Temptation of the Bulbous Yam
The Treachery of the Hairy Crabweed
The Ringing of the Canterbury Bells
The Rise of the Feverfew
The Deflowering of the Flowering Cherry
The Coming Out of the Gay Feather
The Gilding of the Golden Rod
The Watering of the Golden Shower Orchid
The Insertion of the Red-Hot Poker
The Scratching of the Scabious
The Unveiling of the Snake Head
The Unsheathing of the Sword Lily
The Prick of the Thistle
The Snapping of the Turtle Head
The Rancid Rantings of a Recalcitrant Rafflesia
The Many Musings of a Moon Blossom
Daring Deeds of the Devious Daffodil
Wonderous Wanderings of the Wilting Wisteria
Summer Sonnets of the Shimmering Sunflower
Opulent Orations from the Ornery Orchids
Tempting the Tumultuous Tiger Lily
The Vigor of the Vain Verbascum
The Mansions of the Motioning Morning Glory.
The Naughty Notions of a Nemophilia
The Dew on The Stamen (The cover is one little bead of milky dew on the tip of a flower.)
The Temptation of the Tulips.
The Contagion of the Clematis.
The Allure of My Butterfly Bush
The Pollination of My Rosebud
The Breaching of My Fairy Ring
The Irritating Recurrence of the Dandelion
The Overhead Compartment of the Carrion Flower
The Proud Display of the Morning Glory
The Dark Designs of the White Gardenia
The Shadowy Motives of the Sunflower.
The Deflowering of the Dainty Daffodil
The Fornication of the French Marigold
Mayhem and Mishap at the Core of the Musk Rose
The Brooding Ennui of the Zinnia
The Frayed Instep of the Lady’s Slipper
The Irritability of the Pitcher Plant
The Shrimping of the Lady’s Slipper
The Cliche of a Dozen Roses
The Demasculinization by a Venus Fly Trap
The Raging of the Ragweed
The Curdling of the Crysathemum
The Fopping of the Pansy
The Sowing of the Wild Oats
The Discord of the Broom Rape
The Incompetence of the Bladder Senna
The Conundrum of the Touch-me-not
The Waxing Poetic of the Hair Moss
The Prohibition of the Chasteberry
The Quandary of the Virgin’s Bower
The Naïveté of the Narcissus
The Taming of the Enchanter’s Nightshade
The Reticence of the Wallflower
The Alliteration of the Asian Alocasia amazonica
The Basting of the Bella Donna
The Poisonous Passion of Amanita Phalloides
The Rape of the Rapeseed
The Knotty Problem of the Knotweed
The Bier of the Hops
The Call of the Kudzu
The Flatulence of the Windflower
The Universe of the Cosmos
The One-Two Punch of the Knockout Rose
The Sheep in the Phlox
(I’ll think of more once I’ve had my coffee)
The Lingering Touch of the Poison Ivy
The Revenge of the Black Eyed Susan
The Addlement of the Edelweiss
The Defrocking of the Monkshood
The Amnesia of the Forget Me Not
The Removal of the Slipper Wort
The Aroma of the Titan Arum
That’s as good as you’re getting this early in the morning. Whew!
The Mane of the Dandelion
The Miasmatic Meal of the Venus Fly Trap
Ouch, this is hard!
I pulled out my guide to the Language of Victorian Flowers and here we go (using meaning and flower in each title):
The Promise of the Little Prune Tree
The Calla Lily’s Magnificent Beauty
The Grace of Yellow Jasmine
Humility for Broom
The Friendship of Geranium
The Dangerous Pleasure of Tuberose
Ophrys Fly’s Big Mistake
The Innocence of Freesia
The Rapacity of the Crimson Callistemon
The Versatile Tedium of the Rose
The Insalubrious Emanation of the Skunk Cabbage
The Protuberence of the Amaryllis
The Exuberant Discharge of the Jewelweed
The Palpable Fleece of the Cattail
The Ambiguous Sapidity of the Hibiscus
The Conspicuous Boisterousness of the Nasturtium
Okay, I’m tapped out.
Chance35 – well whaddya know? My age exactly? What are the chances?
Sounds like a new Horticultural line of Harlequins, only minus the secret baby and the botanist tycoon.
Popping the Batchelors Buttons
The stink of the sunflower.
Dahlia’s Daring Defecation.
In Ur Ass, Saving Ur Lilly. (The Smart Bitches Version).
The Saxophone of the Saxifrage
The Lascivious Lives of the Leopard Lily
The Downward Spiral of the Spirea
The Artless Art of the Artemisia
The Gallimaufry of the Gaillardia
The Wretched Retching of the Vetch
The Loose Morals of the Loostrife
Aid and Advice from the Edelweiss
Catching Flak from the Flax
Mulling Over the Mullein
The Clandestine Chronicle of Crotch-joy.
(Horticultural factoid: ‘crotch-joy’ is another colloquial name for what we call ‘robin-run-the-hedge’ in N. Ireland.)
Crotch-Joy. Yet another reason I need to go to Ireland. Stat.
I was just getting ready to leave for work and thought: As she stroked his love stamen, her own petals were moist with dew….I’ll probably be sitting at my desk with a silly grin all morning thinking horticulture-love.
I’ve read a couple of these books,so perhaps I may have an advantage here:
The Purloining of the Purple Rose
The Hamstringing of the Spotted Lady’s Slipper
The Ovulation of the White Oleander
The Furious Fumbling of the Foxglove
The Molesting of the Monkey flower(it’s a real flower,from Newcastle-upon-Tyne,I swear!)
The Cuckolding of the Cuckoo Flower
Then again,maybe my advantage is not as great as I presume:)
I’m not even going to attempt this! Way too many gigglesnort worthy entries as is.
My word? placed11 Nope. I would place far lower than 11th.
My contribution…
The Parting of the Lilly-of-the-Valley
Kiss of the Tulips (Tu-Lips)
The Secret Moisture of the Water-Lilly
The Reticence of the Ragweed
The Frustration of the Fuschia Fuschia
The Reluctance of the Snapdragon
The Scratching of the Fleabane
Snow on the Roof Iris
The Steaming of the Gas Plant
The Midnight Cutting of the Monkshood
The Clap of the Venus Fly Trap
The Wilting of the Kings Spear
The Wind of the Hog Bean*
The Disingenuousness of the Shamrock
The Homonym of the Sunflower
*I swear I’m not making that up, it’s another name for Henbane
Deflowering of the Delicate Daisy…
Mooning over the Marigold
The outing of the pansy
A whisper of baby’s breath
The mystery in the wisteria
The remembrance of forget-me-not
The pruning of the rose bush
The plucking of the rosebud
A rondeau of rose hips
The fortnight of love-lies-bleeding
The lure of the prince’s feather
The Undoing Queen Anne’s Lace
The Unnatural Curiosity of the Coneflower
The Secret Life of Jack-in-the-Pulpit
Ooh, ooh, the florist in me cometh forth with the weird flowers…
The Addiling Allure of the Antherium (that’s the big red, waxy,heart-shaped flower from Hawaii, with the prominent stamen…we called them penis plants at the shop)
The Lusty Lament of the Liatrus (that’s the funny looking long purple bottle brush looking flower you sometimes see in arrangements also called Gayfeather or Blazing Star)
http://www.extension.colostate.edu/4DMG/Flowers/Perenls/liatrus1.htm
The Prickly Proposal of the Pincushion Protea (have you ever seen those flowers that look like they come from another planet and have somehow been crossed genetically with a porcupine? That’s them. Also known as…sugarbushes) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Protea
That should have been
The Undoing OF Queen Anne’s Lace…
The Happy Anthurium
The titles are great so far!
The Alluring Augmentation of the Amorphophallus Titanum
Terror of the Terrifically Tawdry Theodore
The last Bastion of the Beastly Basques
The Dastardly Dreams of Demonic Denizens
The Secret and Shameless Shard of the Woman
The Closely Hidden Cold Sparks of Rebellion
The Lascivious Lamentations of the Libelous Libations
Braving the Brimming Bridge of the Mage
Enchanting the Elegant Elemental Sword