The Magic of You
Sarah: The magic here is: how did the same cover models for Gentle Rogue get hired for another seafaring cover and STILL manage to look equally ridiculous?
What’s with the eyeshadow? Doesn’t that belt pinch? Where’s his shirt? What’s with the garter-showing pose, sans garter? And why is she in her undergarments while standing on what looks like a floating plank in a large storm at sea, with a ship coming apart behind her? And is he holding her up, or casting her overboard?
But by far the most pressing (har) question: DOES HE HAVE…CAMEL TOE?!
Ya’ll. Fabio is a GIRL.
Candy: Sarah, can I just say how very, very much it frightens me that you actually looked closely enough at the cover to discern the camel toe? I admire your bravery, while simultaneously hoping that Baby Bitchlette has not suffered any damage in utero.
Anyway: PEOPLE. Just because you’re stuck in the middle of a ship with God knows WHAT kind of rampaging, raping barbarian, does not mean you have leave to violate all rules of decent society and resort to that shade eyeshadow. There’s never any excuse for that color eyeshadow. Or those camel toe-inducing pants. *shudder*
I’m also amazed at the power of Fabio’s breath. Judging by the way her hair is flying around willy nilly, that’s some exhaling power he’s got there.
This cover also receives my nomination for the Darwin Awards, because y’all, that HUGE MOTHERFUCKING WAVE that’s partially obscuring the helm looks like it’s going to sweep Our Not Particularly Intrepid Lovers into Davy Jones’s Locker any second now. Maybe that’s why she’s raising her skirt? She’s trying to pacify Neptune’s wrath or something? Because it sure as shit can’t be for Fabio’s benefit. He seems particularly fascinated with her hairline. Probably trying to discern what kind of product she uses by smell.
When Love Awaits
Sarah: This cover wishes so hard that it was Klimt’s The Kiss, only done in that weird 70’s style romance cover.
Summon the royal chiropractor! His neck! Her neck! My neck, from looking too closely at them! Hie thee, chiropractor!
And summon the surgeon, for he appears to have stabbed her in the crotch with his massive sword. No, not that sword, the other one.
Candy: This cover wins the prize for “Best Placement of Strategically Fluttery Pieces of Cloth.” I’m also trying way, way too hard to figure out why Stud McMuffin is naked in the garden with none of his armor anywhere in sight except for his helm (those empty, creepy eyes, boring in my brain, eeeeegah) while still holding on to his sword. I mean, he loves his sword so much, he can’t bear to let go of it to ravish his lady fair. That’s some serious sword-love goin’ on.
You Belong to Me
Sarah: This is among the more bizarre Lindsey Fabio covers. I wonder if Fabio is famous because of all these Lindsey covers? I mean, someone’s buying her books – probably the same people who are buying Cassie Edwards’ books. Maybe their collective readership is keeping Fabio in business.
This cover has such a hodgepodge of bizarre elements. What’s with her pose – what are they kneeling on? Are they inside, with a wind machine, or outside a wall? Does he ever have a shirt? Why isn’t she wearing a bra? Or a chemise? Or even a corset? Is this a contemporary?
And finally, what’s with that horse?
I know! I know! A nuclear detonation has been sighted on the horizon, and the air displacement has begun to ruffle their hair – and knock that horse straight up in the air. He’s been caught before his hooves leave the ground. In the last frantic moments, it’s nookie-on-the-fur-coat time.
Sorry. I can’t get over the horse. He looks so STARTLED. I mean, he’s so startled that his forelock is standing on end. Like “Holy shit, I’m on a Fabio cover! My reputation will never recover! I hope to God mother never sees what I’ve had to resort to to keep myself in timothy and alfalfa hay!”
Anyway, that chick? She does NOT look happy. Can’t blame her; looks like Fabio’s about to give her a circumorbital hematoma with his chin. Or maybe Fabio has released some truly vicious Savage Thunder. That would explain why their hair is flying around in an apparently enclosed space.