Welcome back to Cover Snark!
Elyse: Is the house full of hangry ghosts?
Sarah: I’d read a series set at Hangry Hill. Sometimes I live there, too.
Amanda: I’m a permanent resident of Hanger Hill.
Sneezy: I think I understand what the intent is with the colours and the compositions, but something about the font and colour of the author’s name is really distracting. And the silhouettes of the bushes on either side clogs up the space and leads my eyes out of the cover instead of hemming them in.
Sarah: You have to zoom in on his eyes. He looks…sleepy? Dopey? Nefarious? All three plus other dwarves like Doc and Sneezy?
That guy’s face though. He’s as bad as the Julie Ann Long smirkbros.
Amanda: He reminds me of Game of Thrones‘ Alfie Allen/Theon Greyjoy in the face.
Sneezy: Something about the lack of texture on various parts of the cover makes me feel gross.
From Maeve: At first glance this isn’t bad, but then you notice the sleeping porcupine on his head.
Sarah: I didn’t believe Maeve, and I was wrong, because what the hell is on that guy’s head? Is this Joey from that Nickleback Song where you look at his graph?
Lara: That man is big mad and it’s not giving me romance hero vibes.
Elyse: These are the arms of a killer, Bella.
Sarah: OMG the noise I just made. If I had to transcribe it, there would be a lot of FFFFs and PPPPs.
Sneezy: When one dance partner is trying to uphold the chemistry for two.
From Kareni: Nose to nipple?
Sarah: HER NECK. HER NECK!
Is he looking to tattoo her sternum on the back of a bike? Is this a mole check?
Lara: In my many years on this planet, I’ve never thought about a nose bopping a nipple. Will wonders never cease?
Claudia: Is it “Fill in My Blankus”? Blankis?
Sarah: Also, are they schtupping on the gas tank?
Elsye: This is a PSA for how breast exams shouldn’t go.
Sarah: “That’s not a lump, that’s my nipple?”
Amanda: Who’s booping who?
Sneezy: Noooooooo whyyyyyyyy
With #2, is the duke also a dragon? Is this romantasy? Because the right edge of that cover looks like it’s transposed from a SFF trade PB.
@LisaM, Dragonblade is the publisher. They do a lot of historical romances.
https://www.dragonbladepublishing.com/about-us/
My back would like to lodge a complaint against the idea of the position in Fill in My Blanks.
Where are the handle bars? Do they fold down for fun times?
The duke is trying his best smolder (it’s not very good, poor chap) to hide the pain of hyperextending his knee in an attempted bird dance to woo the heroine. Or because he’s a store mannequin that wished to be a real boy. Seriously, human ankles and knees are not meant to bend that way.
@Cora: That and it looks like his waist is on a level with her boobs. Maybe he’s an ostrich in disguise….
@C thank you I had no idea!
Did they mix up the duke’s left and right legs?
Jeez. These covers are so bad they would forever taint any content.
I know you already said it, but HER NECK. I think we also need to talk about how her stomach is absorbing his pec/boob (or vice versa). But seriously why is his boob so droopy?
That Gift of Fire guy is giving Mr. Spock from Star Trek.
@Karin, Mr. Spock is infinitely sexier than that Gift of Fire guy. GOF guy is giving “I am a humanoid AI robot that has been programmed to avoid eye contact with a spontaneously combusting human.”
I first read the last title as Fill In My Blanket, which would be the least crazy thing about the cover.
I love a good cover snark post. 🙂 Especially on a Monday.
Why is one of the H’s in the House at Hanger Hill upside down? It is really bugging me.
@dePizan I think that’ supposed to be his far arm, since his hand looks like it’s doing a better job of a breast exam
All that’s missing from A Gift of Fire is an Urban Fantasy belt.
I lived through low rise jeans once already, can we NOT bring that back? Pretty please?